The Bachelor Juan Pablo Recap Including a Ton of News & Notes

January 7th, 2014 | 23 Comments | Posted in The Bachelor 18 - Juan Pablo

-We start off being introduced to Juan Pablo Galavis. I’m glad we got this introduction of him since in six episodes last season, we didn’t know sh** about the guy. Went to college in Ithaca, NY, lived in Venezuela, currently lives in Miami and he’s now the “BACH-aye-lore.” His job? Well, he does consulting for sports entertainment. Translation: He doesn’t really have much of a job. He goes around to all the MLB teams and interviews the players from Venezuela for…something. I don’t know. I don’t even think he knows. Hence the reason he got two months off to go film the BACH-aye-lore. So I thought his career was in music? Which is it? He forgot to add one job title to his resume: Professional tweeter. Because God forbid this man goes 14 seconds without telling the world something completely irrelevant. And he does it in TWO languages! So even double the irrelevancy. Like this one. Yes, lets hope Juan Pablo didn’t disappointed anyone this Christmas. The more this guy takes to social media to tweet out his thoughts, the less appealing he becomes. How ABC hasn’t stopped him, or had someone assigned to proofread these inane ramblings is beyond me:

JPtweet1

And this one. Have fun trying to decipher this chicken scratch. WHHAAAAA???? I’ve read it at least 20 times and I still don’t know what he was trying to say…

JPtweet

-In case you didn’t know, Jua Pabloooooooo has a daughter. Her name is Camila. He’s looking for a stepmother for her. Well, at least that’s what he’s trying to convince America but it couldn’t be further from the truth. He tells us that Camila was not supposed to have a middle name, but was born on Valentine’s Day, so her middle name is Valentine. Hmmmm. Maybe her middle name should’ve been “Oopsie,” or “Notplanned.” Anyway, he says she has a great mom, who is a great friend, but things just didn’t work out. I get it. Happens all the time. People have a kid together, never get married, but stay real close friends to where they see each other all the time, at times have lived with each other, and even make YouTube videos of them and their kid together during happier times. Uh huh. This is normal:

I’m not sure if we’re gonna see Carla appear on screen at all this season, even though she was in LA watching Camila while filming was there, and was also in Miami when it was down to the final six, but make no mistake about it, these two are not done. She will always be a major part of Juan Pablo and Camila’s life, and if you think for a second that will not come in the way of his relationship with him and Nikki, I’m not sure what to tell ya’. Not every woman out there is cut out to immediately step into an already formed family. Especially one where Juan Pablo has such a close relationship with the mother. Good luck, Nikki. Hope that works out for ya.

-Hey look, it’s Juan Pablo walking along Santa Monica Pier just like Des did. Do they literally have the same itinerary every season? Do they just map out all the cheesy shots on the pier they can get of the lead then just reshoot them every season? This is fascinating. I think Juan Pablo just walked over the exact place where Des fell on her ass while roller skating. Hey, the least they could’ve done is put him on rollerblades and shirtless, just so we could’ve done a compare and contrast with Des’ intro video. He tells us that his family will be spending a couple weeks with him in LA while he’s filming as well. Unfortunately, they decide not to show us that Carla was out there as well with the family. I guess they figure no need to get everyone’s panties in a bunch just yet. I’m sure Carla totally approves of all this that Juan Pablo did. You know, cuz she’s an actress/model herself. Why not? Anything for the brand, right? I’m surprised they didn’t just cast Carla as one of the 27 women and have him pick her in the end. Would’ve been more realistic.

-This next scene was rather hilarious. The infamous lets-bring-someone-who-was-on-the-show-before-to-give-advice-to-the-new-lead. In this case, Juan Pablo says he placed a phone call “to a guy who’s familiar with this” – Sean. The exact quote was “Who else I’s gonna call?” I don’t know. Who else you’s gonna call? Maybe’s you’s should calls Ben? Or gives Brad’s a calls? How abouts Jason’s? What he failed to mention was that he’d never met, seen, or spoken to Sean in his life before that day, so naturally, the chemistry between Juan Pablo and Sean was about as realistic as this show. Really? You placed a phone call to Sean? I think you meant, “Producers thought it’d be a good idea to integrate Sean into the show since his wedding is coming up in 3 weeks, so I was forced to talk to him.” Ahhhh, that’s more like it. They talked about whether he should use the word “journey” or “adventure.” How about neither and just call it “the show that will hopefully start my acting career?” I think that seems more appropriate.

-He also asked Sean for advice on names because according to him, he’s terrible at them. Don’t worry Juan. That’s why on the first night rose ceremony you take a break after saying 4 or 5 names, go back and talk to producers, say the next 4 or 5, take another break, and so on and so forth. Yes, for the 1000th time, that is how the lead remembers everyone’s name on the first night. You really didn’t think the cameras just kept on rolling the whole time through the rose ceremony and there were zero breaks or zero editing did you? Shame on you. That’s what I’m here. To educate the masses. Then again, 27 seasons in, if you didn’t know that’s how they do it by now, then you also probably think Santa Claus delivered those gifts on Christmas morning. Or that the Elf on the Shelf really reports back to the North Pole every night. Or that 4 + 4 = jello. Sean also explains his kissing strategy to Juan Pablo. I didn’t even know Sean had one. He says Catherine wasn’t even on his radar til 3 or 4 weeks in, and to just keep your mind open. We hear ya’ pal. Trust us, Catherine wasn’t on ANYONE’S radar all season.

-I think when Sean was talking to Juan Pablo, he should’ve taken that time to chastise the franchise for all this hoopla and publicity to drum up interest in this guy’s season, when they did none of that for his. You couldn’t call last January “Sean-uary?” Once Sean left, we got the obligatory shot of Juan Pablo shaving and in the shower, getting ready for night one. What’s the deal with hyping Juan Pablo’s abs? Sean had better abs than his. This focus on a “shirtless” Juan Pablo is like, “Ummmm, you did that last season with Sean. And with Jake. And with Brad. And with Andy Baldwin.” They act like we’ve never seen a lead on this show without his shirt on. Mystifying to me who and how they decide to promote each season, even though it’s usually always some variation of the same thing. However with Juan Pablo, I guess I get it to a certain extent. Gotta focus on the style since there’s very little substance. Very little. Like barely noticeable.

23 thoughts on “The Bachelor Juan Pablo Recap Including a Ton of News & Notes

  1. This is going to be an amazing season of recaps. Juan Pablo is comedy gold. Thanks for the laughs, Steve!

  2. I watch The Bachelor/Bachelorette every season…do not miss….except this season. I can not understand the man. I don’t know what it is something about his accent, my ear to brain filter….nothing makes sense at all. I’m not watching this year but I’ll come here to read your recaps….that’s all I really need anyway!!! Thanks so much!!!

  3. Great recap! Hysterical and a great way to start the season off. I would like to add one thing about how the lead knows the names at the end and who to give the roses too; the names are on the roses as well. :-) . Great recap Steve and keep them coming.

  4. Two things I’m surprised weren’t mentioned in this review because of their craziness:

    - Nikki calling herself a “baby doctor” in a weird voice after realizing that Juan Pablo may not know what “pediatric” means. That awkward pause was killer.
    - Juan Pablo seemingly asking if one of the girls (hot pink dress) was pregnant by touching her stomach and asking “what’s this belly?”. Her response “there’s nothing in there” and his reply “ok, that’s OK” was just bizarre.

    This season is going to seriously deliver.

  5. Great recap! This is the first season that I’ve decided to read the spoilers as you post them (since I couldn’t care less who wins). I think doing things this way will make it much more fun!

  6. Just got to the part in the episode where Andi divulges she’s a lawyer and Juan Pablo goes “wooow, you read a lot”. Which reminds me that in his bio from last season when asked what his favorite book was he said “I don’t read”.

    I don’t care, I love it. I love this season.

  7. I discovered your blog halfway through Des’s season, so this is my first time being here from the beginning. How I ever made it through this show without you, I’ll never know.

    Anyway. Was it just me, or was JP coming off super pervy by unabashedly staring at each girl’s a** as they walked by? And his comments? “Oh wow!” “This limo is the best!” It was weird. And uncomfortable. Like most of the season probably will be.

    Lastly, I’ve watched this show for a few years, and can’t remember a time where someone came off so poorly in regards to being genuine about the process (well technically, he came across compeltely genuine since it seemed he could care less). At least the other guys/gals they’ve had can fake that they want to find a spouse.

    Can’t wait for this season’s train wreck!

  8. I wish there was a way to determine how many people strictly watch the show because of your recaps, Steve. If it wasn’t for me being able to come here and read your take on the show, I would have zero interest in watching. This season is going to be a complete and utter train wreck and I will be watching strictly to follow along with your page. Keep up the great work – and if anyone from the franchise happens to be reading this, please leave Steve alone from now on and let him do his thing – he is a big part of the reason your viewership is what it is.

  9. I watched about 15 minutes of last night and then fell asleep which I knew would happen, so thankfully I have your recap to let me know what happened. If nothing else, this season should be amusing instead of plain boring. Thank you Steve for helping me to get through this.

  10. When did Sean Lowe become a model for Talbot’s?

    My heart bled for dumped before the wedding Lauren. If JP had given her the 1st impression rose I would’ve given him major points. Wouldn’t have meant she was a contender, but she needs the self esteem boost.

    JP is such a phony and so affected.

  11. The only ego that’s boosting, is JP’s.
    He isn’t going to boost someone’s “ego”
    He was probably coached who to give the rose to – because she came out of no where with her boring dress and watching grass grow, personality.
    Worst first impression rose ever.

  12. Juan Pablo went to college in Rochester New York, not Ithaca…he was born in Ithaca.

  13. Did anyone notice Juan Pablo’s goal replay? He fished the ball out of the net as a keepsake…… Which means he probably didn’t score very often and most likely was a borderline pro. And trying to take the ball out of the net is poor sportsmanship. It’s showing up the goaltender. Notice the goalie took a little swipe at JP? And that was the best soccer footage they had of the guy?

  14. @rob22 – I noticed the same thing! It was sort of sad that that was the “best” footage they had. That, or the producers are trolling, which I’d respect.

  15. Hi Steve – I’ve been reading your posts forever and decided to join tonight. I think JP has that Latin lover thing going on. Which can be great but doesn’t make for interesting conversation a few years down the road. At least to me. I’m a sucker for accents though so he could even make the most tedious things exciting with his accent. Although I’ll admit I did fall asleep watching the season opener – probably not a good sign.

    Thanks for being great Steve!

    ;-)

  16. Great recap. Because of these this season will be interesting to watch. I could have sworn that when JP as on JK Live he said he sent 27 girls home. I deleted the episode already but thought it was funny and maybe a spoiler too.
    Thanks again Steve for the posts.

  17. After watching the premiere I think Steve is dead on about his opinion that Juan Pablo only became the bachelor to further his opportunities and career. He seemed far more interested in how good looking the women were than trying to see who he could start an early connection with. And as someone else pointed out too, he was checking them all out big time as they walked by and into the house. It was hilarious.

    I’m thinking maybe I’d have a different opinion on Juan Pablo if I was oblivious to his Instagram and especially Twitter posts, but I cannot get over the annoying tweets and how dumb he looks by his random words being capitalized in them. And while many women swoon at his accent, it does nothing for me. I may need to start watching this season on mute.

  18. Steve! Yes, the overpaid and under-knowledged plagiarists will by flying in circles above you again. The cliche’ that flattery is a compliment is true but rest assured you will always have the sexiest IQ! (We love you!)
    Hilarious note on night one. The ‘mom’ in the group, (Renee), had no idea how old Camila was. Every gossip, TV, Celeb, etc… website carried the Juan Pablo/Camila story, (in two languages), with her age included. How did she miss that except by never having any real interest in the first place?
    Idea. Instead of having losers drive away, why not use the Survivor’s Template by having a second chance round like Redemtion Island? Have the limos bring the girls to a nearby hot tob hotel where James and Ben are waiting. They can let the dejected, sex-deprived love seekers battle it out on Consumation Island!
    Finally, if Juan Pablo is truly anti ‘white girls’ and refuses to pick from this line up of absolutely beautiful brainiacs, he should have a soccer style penalty round. Send in Super Goddess, Big Brother racist Princess Aaryn Griess and Latin hater Amanda Zuckerman for a weekend to sling racial slurs at him. That will make him appreciate the sincerity of the girls who really brought their hearts and dreams with them.
    The unspoken act of not choosing a woman to marry based on her heritage is as demeaning as shoving Flava Flav down our throats for three seasons while he was actually engaged.
    There’s too many REAL people out there looking for real love who are both interesting and sincere to have to be reduced to network scripting.
    He will truly turn out to be ‘The Lone Ranger’ afterall.
    BTW, Great call on Andi! She would make a great Bachlorette. Maybe she can cross examine the potential suitors and throw the liars and cheaters in detention.
    Keep up the great work, Steve!

  19. Don’t know if you noticed this, Steve, or anyone else reading, but the first four girls who got roses at the rose ceremony are the final four! Go back and watch – Nikki, Clare, Andi, and Renee were the first four to get roses. Hmmm, makes one wonder.

  20. Um, socalmike, Steve already said the final four got the first four roses in his recap above….

  21. Yikes! Am I missing something??? Sadly it appears that ABC has made a change this season … NO full episode available of The Bachelor to watch online unless I “verify” my TV provider amidst a list of providers I’ve never even heard of. Clearly I’m NOT going to change my cable bill (or pay extra) in order to watch one, individual show … As a busy Mom, who routinely deals with homework & kid’s bedtimes between 8-930pm most nights, it looks like I won’t be able to watch The Bachelor any longer. Love your recaps @RealitySteve but clearly they go hand & hand with watching the show and sadly it appears that has come to an end for me ….

  22. Not a JP defender, but the grabbing of the ball out of the goal, is common if your team is losing. No one keeps the ball, ii is just trying to speed up play since your team is
    behind. ( the clock is always running, so limited time)

    For the first time in at least 10 seasons, I watched the full episode. There is just too much comedy to do my usual FF.

  23. The doctor, thanks for the correction. In that I’m not a soccer fan, besides watching my teenage son play…. Who corrects me frequently whenever a make an observation about what was happening during the game….so I have to say I’m never going to “get” soccer, and I’m especially not going to get a Latin soccer player who doesn’t read or speak the language real well.

    The comment above about Nikki having to use “baby doctor” to JP because the word “pediatric” put him into the full deer in headlights look, was just classic. There have been lots of self absorbed tools on this show, but I don’t recall one with as little intellect as JP. I have a feeling that mocking his lack of intelligence is going to be THE major theme, even above his superficiality and his inability to even fake his real intentions.

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