Just think, we’re almost half way through Juan-uary. That hasn’t been so painful now, has it? Or maybe it has. Depends on your perspective. The next two Sunday night shows don’t really focus on Juan Pablo’s season, so that looks to be it in terms of seeing more footage from this season. Next Sunday night is a “Where Are They Now” feature on the couples, with Trista & Ryan renewing their vows after 10 years, an update on Jason & Molly along with Des & Chris, maybe Ashley & JP too, and then I’m sure a feature to promote Sean & Catherine’s wedding the following week which airs two weeks from last night. I’m sure at the end of next Sunday’s episode they’ll give a glimpse into next Monday’s night’s show with a promo or something, but the next two Sunday’s are definitely more about the franchise’s success stories. Still scratching my head as to why they decided to run Sean & Catherine’s wedding opposite of the Grammy’s? Will people tune in to watch the wedding? Of course. But it’ll definitely suffer a ratings dip going up against something as popular as the Grammy’s. Trista & Ryan’s wedding had ratings numbers that’ll never be touched again. Over 25 million tuned in to see that, but that was so long ago, when this concept was so fresh and reality TV was really still in its infant stages, that it was a big deal.
As for ratings, last week’s “Intro to Juan Pablo” special drew 6.5 million viewers. Last night’s episode? 3.3 million. That’s what you get when you have to go up against stiff competition, which doesn’t bode well for Sean & Catherine’s wedding airing opposite the Grammys. Jason & Molly’s wedding drew 9.2 million people. Ashley & JP’s? 3.9 million because it was up against football and I believe the “Survivor” finale.
-It starts with Chris Harrison and Juan Pablo crashing viewing parties last Monday night after Juan Pablo had already taped his appearance on Kimmel. We’ve seen more and more glimpses of this as the season’s have gone on, and basically every party has the same reaction – screaming hysterically. Even though we get a shot of Juan Pablo arriving from inside the house, meaning cameras were already at the party, which means everyone there already knew Juan Pablo would be showing up to their party and were told to scream like a 12 year old girl at a One Direction concert upon his arrival. You know what else is funny about these viewing parties? If it isn’t within about, oh I don’t know, a 500 ft radius of Westwood, you have zero chance of your party getting crashed. Everytime they do this it’s always in the same area it seems.
-I especially liked that one dude that made the show last night. I think Michael was his name. He was described as “Bachelor Fan” and apparently also attends these viewing parties along with his lady friends. Or however that’s going for him. Please tell me Michael that you were there solely to try and pull some trim and not because you actually are interested in sitting around for 2 hrs with a bunch of screamy, gossipy, over caffeinated women who think this show is real. Tell me you at least have a set of balls, have read the spoilers, and ruin everything for all these delusional cyborgs every Monday. Pretty please? Especially when that one party started in with their “lets write down our final four” and one girl says, “Andi, Renee, Nikki…” Well, I’m glad the show spoiled its own season. Maybe these ladies are smarter than I give them credit for and actually read the spoilers?
-They then showed us Chris Harrison meeting with Juan Pablo the day after the rose ceremony to talk about what happened the night before. Nothing too crazy here, other than the little staged conversation of Chris asking him, “So who gets the first date?” and Juan Pablo responding he was gonna give it to Clare. They wanted to give you the impression that the lead is the one who chooses who goes on each date and that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m sure Juan Pablo told the producers which girls he really liked after night one, and I’m sure Clare was one of the few that he mentioned. But if they wanted, say, Andi to go on that first date, Andi would’ve been on that first date. He tells them who he likes – they fill in the dates accordingly. That’s the way it’s always worked in the past, that’s the way it works now, and that’s the way it’ll always work in the future. I’m sure when producers filmed Clare’s intro package in Sacramento a few weeks earlier, they had an idea in the back of their head that she’d be a perfect candidate for the first 1-on-1 date.
-The next segment was the footage that I think was the most interesting of the episode. Was this a great hour of “behind the scenes” stuff? Eh. It was ok. Nothing that made your mouth drop. But when you’re at least gonna give the audience something we’ve never gotten to see before (i.e. footage of the women AFTER the first night is over), I guess that’s good for something, right? It showed all 18 women showing up to the mansion in limos and, surprise surprise, screaming like 12 year olds at a One Direction concert (sorry, got 1D on the brain) as they get to pick out rooms, choose roommates, and determine who they’re gonna start hating on immediately. Good times. Andi really is digging the mansion and what it stands for: “The Bachelor mansion symbolizes hope.” Yes, it does Andi. Yes it does. In fact, I think you’re standing in the exact spot where Jake almost backhanded Vienna while screaming “STOP INTERRUPTING ME!!!!” Hope.
-The focus then switched to the not-so-happy girls who didn’t receive a rose on the first night. They only showed four of the nine back at the hotel: Amy, Kylie, Val, and Lacy. Val said it was a “kick to the ego” and she wasn’t expecting it. Probably because if you remember in Val’s intro video, she thinks she’s the cat’s meow because she’s good at archery. And any woman good at archery most certainly must be able to get through night one of a fake reality dating show, right? Right? Oh, you mean one has nothing to do with the other? Oops.
-If you thought Amy J was a disaster trying to give Juan Pablo a fully clothed massage at the mansion, you should got a load of her with no make up on crying in HD. Scary. And oh yeah, they showed her calling her mother for guidance, which I’m guessing wasn’t all that embarrassing either. They caught Kylie putting on her makeup in the mirror being disappointed in not getting a rose then getting into the elevator. As for Lacy, she was brought to tears as well. Lacy: “Finding a man is hard for me. I’m so consumed.” Remember, this footage was shot back on Wednesday, Sept. 18th, so obviously Lacy has had time to find a man. In fact, whaddya’ know, she’s actually been out with one of the men from this franchise since filming ended, the Hashtag man himself, Kasey Stewart from Des’ season. So lets not think Lacy can’t find her knight in shining armor some day. I’m sure she’ll run down the list of former bachelor guys like most of the women from her cast are doing. And in case you’re interested, allegedly here’s Lacy years ago on what looks like some Spanish game show:
Shake that money maker, Lace. You’ll have no problem finding a guy doing that. In fact, some might even throw money at you if you work in the right places.
-When I first reported the spoilers about Sean showing up way back in September, I was told that he and Catherine talked to Juan Pablo the day after the first rose ceremony to talk about the first night. Then I was told that Sean talks to Juan Pablo before the first episode by himself which I reported, thinking that it must’ve gotten mixed up. Well, both ended up being correct as we saw Sean & Catherine talking to Juan Pablo at his pool the day after the first rose ceremony. Man, is Sean gonna talk to him like every step of the way this season? Did we really need to see him talk to Juan Pablo twice within a span of two days? Well, when you have a wedding coming up in 2 weeks that they need to promote (that’s going up against the Grammy’s by the way), I guess you need him there as much as possible. JP tells him that he eliminated the girl who gave him a massage. Sean disagreed: “She massages me all the time.” Whhhhoooooooaaaa. Hey now. With the whole born again virgin stuff, are massages what they’ve considered foreplay for the last 9 months? Kinky.