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Bach in Paradise Spoilers

The “Bachelorette” Andi Episode 5 Recap & Your First “Bachelor in Paradise” Spoilers

-The group date was terrible. Just awful. Nine guys had to learn how to mime. Really, it was bad. If they didn’t already embarrass these guys enough already on group dates, now they put them in white face paint, white gloves, and that stupid mime gear. Needless to say, this had disaster written all over it. Chris: “There’s no mime’s in Iowa, I guarantee you.” No there most certainly isn’t. Because what a hootin’ hollerin’ time it’d be to watch a mime pretend like he’s bailing hay. Or pickin’ corn. Or whatever it is farmers do all day long. I honestly can’t remember the last time I ever saw a mime. Are they still around? Do people really enjoy them? Have you ever seen a mime that didn’t do at least one of these three things during his “act”:

1) Pretend he’s stuck in a box
2) Pull himself on a rope
3) Act out the point where life truly passed him by

Didn’t think so. I actually think the world would be a better place if there were no mimes in it. They add nothing to anything whatsoever and they should be abolished. Can we add that to the Constitution or something? Maybe start a bill? Whatever the case, if I never see another mime the rest of my life, it still won’t be soon enough.

-However Andi seems to think this is like the greatest group date idea ever. She’s big on nonverbal communication, so this is perfect. And hey, since almost half of these 9 guys we’ve barely seen or heard this season, this will be perfect. Andi: “They know how to step it up in those situations.” Uh huh. Just like they did on the stripping date, right? Step it up? How? None of them have the faintest clue how to mime, nor would anyone thrown into that situation. Did they try? Yes. Were any of them successful at it? Well, lets see: JJ imitated their 1-on-1 date from Santa Barbara, Marquel made babies cry, and Nick acted like an immature ass because he didn’t want to be on a group date. In case you didn’t know Nick, it’s physically impossible to go on this show and not be a part of at least 3 group dates during your time there. So you might wanna suck it up and stop acting entitled. Or, as everyone else including Andi is putting it, “arrogant.” Whatever you want to call it, Nick was the only one visibly upset with being on the group date and got called out for it later by Andi. I thought Andi called him “sulky,” but I guess it was “salty.” Either way, his attitude sucked and it’s probably because he didn’t get his Cheetos that day.

-The group date cocktail party is where all the drama kicked in. Two separate storylines of: Marquel vs Andrew and Nick’s arrogance rubbing guys the wrong way. But first, JJ steals Andi away for some alone time and relives all boys’ middle school fantasies by taking her on a ferris wheel. I mean, which one of us guys didn’t experience their first time with a girl on a ferris wheel? I’m pretty sure that most young boys copped their first feel on the ferris wheel. At least had a good make out session. Well, JJ got none of that. At least from what we saw. I could’ve sworn in the promo running for last night’s episode they showed JJ and Andi kissing on that thing. But come last night? Nope. I believe we got about 10 seconds of them in that thing before we were cut away to the drama going on back at the party. Poor JJ. First he gets stuck acting like an 127 year old man on his 1-on-1 date, and now he finally gets some quality time with her for the first time since Santa Barbara, and it’s barely even shown. Eh, I get it. They couldn’t possibly pass up Andrew the racist being confronted by the cookie monster. TV gold.

-But first up, the guys need to let Nick know how they feel about him. Cody says he’s getting a bad vibe from Nick and calls him out for being arrogant. Cody: “Do you think you’re the front runner?” Nick: “Probably.” This led to Cody attacking him for things Nick has said about him constantly saying he’s thankful to be here. Essentially, Cody thinks Nick rubs it in people’s faces that he’s gotten a lot of time with Andi and Cody is just thankful to be there. This causes Cody to bow up a little bit and put Nick on the defensive. He backs down, says they’re always joking on each other and apologizes. Nick doesn’t think it’s a big deal. Everyone else does. While this was going on, Chris gets some alone time with Andi and essentially rats on Nick a little bit telling her what just went down between Nick and Cody. Tells her that Cody didn’t like Nick making fun of him for being thankful he was there. Grown men acting like children basically. It was all kinda silly, but I think it would’ve been a lot funnier if Cody flat out military pressed Nick over a table Ultimate Warrior style. RIP Warrior.

-Nick is up next to talk to Andi and immediately she starts in with his piss poor attitude on group dates. Andi: “You seem salty on group dates…I just wanna shake you, just have fun…it’s hard for me to watch you on group dates.” Gee, that wasn’t the greatest vote of confidence now, was it? Nick says he’s not going to pretend he likes group dates because he doesn’t, and Andi says it’s part of the process you dolt. Ok, she didn’t call him a dolt, but you get the picture. Andi starts to question if she’s being fooled by Nick since he doesn’t seem to think it’s a big deal, but she said since two of the nicest guys in the house (Cody and Chris) came to her and said this about Nick, there has to be some truth to it. So since Nick realized he’s stepping in it big time, what perfect timing for him to whip out a little something he wrote for Andi! Nick: “I’m not the secret admirer, but did write you something…” Oh, this will be good:

Andi,

When I see you, I smile
When I see you, I blush
When I see you, I get nervous
When I see you, my chest bursts with excitement
When I see you, I see beauty
When I see you, I see strength
When I see you, I see purpose
When I see you, I see a future

Nick

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say the title of that note was “When I See You…” Just a hunch. Or, maybe it was “Since the Guys Here are Ganging Up on Me, Here’s Something to Get Me Out of the Dog House.” One of the two. When he’s done reading, Andi immediately says, “So are you gonna kiss me,” and basically whatever happened before that is forgotten. Kinda like Wonder Woman’s lasso. Or Clark Kent kissing Lois Lane at the end of Superman 2. Man, if we only had those powers.

-Time for Marquel vs Andrew, which in real life, would be a cakewalk for the cookie monster. I mean for pete’s sake, he does MMA training. He could probably snap Andrew’s femur like a chicken bone in 1.4 seconds. But since this is fantasy land where men have to solve their problems by talking it out, Marquel talks to Andrew in front of everyone to tell them he heard Andrew called him “blackie.” Smuggie laughs it off, says he treats everyone equally, and that he never said that. Marquel says he appreciates him being honest, and that was pretty much the end of that. Will we ever know if Andrew said it or not? Probably not. I’m guessing he did for the reasons I said earlier. Not to mention, some anti-Andrew fans out there sent me this clip from last night’s Buzzfeed Aftershow, where they talk about what happened on the “Bachelorette.” At the 4:30 mark, one of the hosts shares a story from this past weekend regarding Andrew and, well, it certainly fits the mold of what we’ve heard about him this season:

So lets see: In a span of three months Andrew has now been accused of three things:

1) Getting a waitresses phone number on a dating show
2) Calling Marquel “blackie”
3) Bad mouthing Andi to friends at a comedy show calling her the dreaded “c” word

But according to him, he’s being attacked and none of this is true. Ok. Got it. Lets let America make up their mind if all three of those things are completely made up. My guess is 90% of America right now thinks you’re walking slime. But hey, have fun trying to repair that reputation. Kinda hard to un-ring that bell. So how’s life of a reality TV contestant treating you nowadays? Regret that decision at all yet?

And oh yeah, JJ got the group date rose because he tried for second base on the ferris wheel. If he didn’t, he missed out. I mean, for a woman who basically never wears a bra isn’t she basically inviting everyone to join in on her yabbos? That’s what I thought.

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22 Comments

22 Comments

  1. rob22

    June 17, 2014 at 12:51 PM

    FYI, Chuck Oliver, who tweeted about Josh Murray being in Mexico is the local college football expert in Atlanta. He knows EVERYTHING about SEC football, and especially about Georgia football. He spends a good part of his day talking about that and for the past four years, about his brother Aaron Murray who was a 4 year starting QB there. So, that’s where he knows who Josh Murray is… Though I’m sure he’s aware that he’s on The Bachelor.

  2. rob22

    June 17, 2014 at 1:04 PM

    I think the whole thing about Andrew using the term “blackie” is bogus. Who uses that term? Someone’s grandfather? Nick made a comment in the ITM that he wasn’t sure whether he said blackies or black guys. The latter is far more likely. But the show ran with blackie since that was far more offensive and created the desired drama. Heck, it even got Marquel to cry. Some producer got a bonus over that little stroke of genius. Andrew certainly is getting the bad edit. People who go on this show need to realize this could happen. Now Andrew will forever be the racist on The Bachelor. Fair? Maybe, but if he said black guy instead of blackie he was only commenting on something that is very obvious on this show. The black guys never stick around long. Maybe Andrew is a racist tool, but we’ll never be sure. I’m sure it will be a big source of drama on MTA. He said/he said.

  3. rob22

    June 17, 2014 at 1:09 PM

    Excuse me …. That was JJ who commented in the ITM. Still not buying it that the word blackies was used. If it would have been a standard racial slur, I might buy it…. But the more I think about it, I’m not sure I’ve ever heard ANYONE use that slur…. And I’ve heard plenty of slurs over the years from some pretty ignorant people.

  4. LynnMJ

    June 17, 2014 at 1:36 PM

    …a “standard” racial slur?? Uh, OK. By the look on his face when he was confronted, my guess would be that he did say it.

  5. topazgold

    June 17, 2014 at 1:56 PM

    @LynnMJ, I was thinking the same thing “standard racial slur” ?!? Only then it would be believable?!? Wow!

  6. Athena

    June 17, 2014 at 2:00 PM

    Is it just me, or does anyone else think that Marquel is the most gorgeous, articulate, mature guy on the show…maybe ever?! Take out gorgeous if he’s not your type physically, but regardless of that, he just rocked that whole racial-slur situation – he said he needed to think about how he was feeling, and then when he confronted, he was completely respectful, he used I statements, feeling statements, all the while being able to identify and express his emotions in such a clear and non-dramatic way. His tears were genuine and he didn’t apologize for letting us see his pain. And then he let it be known that he was “done with it” and ready to move on.

    I was sooooo bummed that Andi sent him home at the end of last night, and sure wish ABC would consider him for the next Bachelor. I even liked his exit intv., he didn’t blame Andi, he didn’t throw a pity party for himself, he simply said that he was really wanting to find love. Classy all the way.

    Just wondering if anyone else was as impressed by his character as I was, and if so, do you think that if he were white, they’d consider casting him for the next lead? I know he didn’t make it that far, but oh my, he sure would do a great job.

  7. ireland10

    June 17, 2014 at 2:13 PM

    Is it just me or does Andi seem to pout quite a bit? Especially during the rose ceremonies she constantly seems to pout. Not sure why but I’m just not feeling her as the batchelorette.

  8. karynr

    June 17, 2014 at 2:57 PM

    Ireland, I’m feeling the opposite this season. I think Andi is a breath of fresh air after the last two seasons. I think everyone has certain physical things that annoy others, and I imagine when it’s magnified on TV and the internet, everyone talks about it. It seems pretty normal to me.

    I like the men better this season too. There are some fairly normal ones in the bunch……I think. Dylan’s family situation breaks my heart.

    I finally caught up and have to say the Eric/Andi situation was sad to see, knowing that was the last conversation they had, and he passed so tragically. I’m glad to hear donations will be made to LiveLikeEric. Sign me up!

    I asked my library if they’re going to order Courtney’s book and they don’t know yet. I love reading, and some good trash every so often is a good thing! I’ve read a few reviews and she really lets it all hang out. I don’t know if it’s worth what Amazon wants for the Kindle or hardcover. The paperback won’t be out until Jan. 2015. I accidentally ordered it on Amazon and canceled when I realized I wouldn’t get it until Jan!

    The new show sounds strange, but I have no doubt I’ll be watching (or recording….or on demand). I don’t look forward to having to watch Chris Buttface again, but I’ll just sit back and enjoy watching him make an a** of himself, once again.

  9. bigfatwoman

    June 17, 2014 at 3:02 PM

    @Athena…..I agree with you 110% on Marquel. He has proven himself to be quite the man in so many respects. I think he’s a real catch and if he hooked up with Michelle Money on Bach in Paradise—they would be one sexy couple.

    I am definitely disappointed in who Andi devotes all her attention to. Nick is proving himself to be kinda squirrely, Marcus doesn’t show much of a personality and Josh is really just a dumb jock. Why does someone like him constantly refer to himself as an athlete? Maybe you were once involved in professional athletics for a hot minute, but no more my friend. His constant references to his glory days would be a huge red flag for me.

    Andi would be wise to go with one of the three best guys on the show (in my opinion):

    1). Chris
    2). Dylan
    3). Marquel

    Andi is a foolish woman. Her relationship with Josh the self obsessed phony gopher, will go nowhere. Good luck Hun.

  10. vessel

    June 17, 2014 at 3:07 PM

    Karynr, I completely agree. I thought the last 2 Bachelorette seasons were completely boring. I found both Desiree and Emily not very bright, dull conversationalists and their “crop” of guys mostly not likeable. I really like Andi so far and agree she has some really good guys, too. I notice her down-turned mouth and her use of “y’all” and “stop” but it really doesn’t bug me, maybe because I just find her likeable.

    Also I think the backlash she is getting regarding Eric’s departure is ludicrous. It’s all because he happened to die, if he hadn’t no one would have given her so much crap, and by now he’d be long forgotten. don’t get me wrong I think his passing is a horrible tragedy, but people act like she is somehow to blame, which is craziness.

    I’ll watch BIP too, but so far it sounds really strange. Correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t Michelle Kujawa that nutty girl from Jake’s season who cried because he wasn’t kissing her right? I can’t place her if that isn’t her…

  11. angelfish

    June 17, 2014 at 4:00 PM

    The only thing I didn’t care for in the Marquel / Andrew brouhaha was that I felt Marquel should have taken Andrew aside, away from the other guys, and calmly ask for an explanation. Everything Marquel said & did was reasonable and measured EXCEPT for doing it in front of everybody. Of course the cameras would still be there, but I think the guys have a little discretion at how they handle things like this.

    I’ve thought him very classy and mannerly thus far, but this was a situation I felt he could have handled more maturely.

  12. thisissoembarrassing

    June 17, 2014 at 5:18 PM

    It really is embarrassing how excited I just got reading about Marquel and Michelle Money. I just think she’s the best – doesn’t always make the right choices, little full of herself sometimes, but really seems like a good person – and entertaining as hell. Seems like she deserves a great/not to mention unique! guy, and MARQUEL is hot Hot HOT, and seems like a truly good guy — was so sad to see him go last night. LOVE THIS PAIRING. So embarrassing… but whatever. Hope these two actually work out!

  13. purplesunsets

    June 17, 2014 at 9:25 PM

    I know RS said Marquel’s chances of being Bachelor are impossible since he is on BIP.. but if he like say gets off early? That Marquel for Bachelor campaign on twitter and IG is quite popular like ahem JPG last season. Funny what one episode does. I think maybe he deserves a shot, MMA trainer thats good stuff.

    The Andrew comment seems to have some proof from JJ’s screencap of Ep 1 when you see Andrew lean towards JJ and say something while one of said guys were infront. So MTA will be more of a what was said? Hard to deny when there’s a cap.

  14. springgirl

    June 18, 2014 at 4:22 AM

    Just because he’s in BIP doesn’t mean Marquel doesn’t have a shot at the Bachelor. If Producers think he will bring in money and ratings, they will make it happen.

  15. angelfish

    June 18, 2014 at 4:36 AM

    While I think Marquel is riding a wave of support and sympathy, he’s a salesman from Las Vegas and Chris is a rich farmer with family money. Not that it matters that, but if I wanted to go on the show, and given the choice, I’d definitely prefer the substance and security of Chris’ lifestyle.

    JPG notwithstanding, I think the producers prefer guys that own something or have a more lucrative career. (Winery owner, bar owner, pilot, doctor, etc.)

  16. rob22

    June 18, 2014 at 6:45 AM

    Re: Marquel: while being on BIP doesn’t technically mean that he couldn’t be the Bachelor, there are a couple of major issues. (1) Marquel, like many on Bachelor Pad, could easily soil his image if the show turns out to be scummy and (2) if he actually found love with someone like Michelle Money, he would not be believable as The Bachelor. I’m not sure the timing of the show would allow for MF to assess any potential damage to Marquels believability before making the call on next years lead. If he hadn’t gone to BIP, which he did solely to extend his 15 minutes (as many, many others have done before him, he’d be an excellent candidate for The Bachelor. Chris doesn’t have the personality to carry the show. Marquel certainly does.

  17. rob22

    June 18, 2014 at 6:54 AM

    Going back to the “slur” commentary, my main point was that while Andrew undoubtedly said something off color and offensive, by substituting “blackies” for “black guys” the show made the whole incident far more offensive. As RS said, “blackies” is a comment worthy of the 1914 Jim Crow south. Substitute “black guys”, which JJ admitted on the ITM might have been why Andrew said, and while still off color and inappropriate, it wouldn’t rise to the level of a racial slur like blackies does. Andrew would still look bad and still wouldn’t have gotten a rose, but the level of drama would have been much lower. Marquel still would have rightly confronted Andrew for questioning why Andi gave roses to “the black guys”, but that’s different from confronting Andrew about referring to Marquel as a “blackie”.

  18. angelfish

    June 18, 2014 at 9:09 AM

    We certainly haven’t yet seen from Chris a big personality that screams “show lead”. However, he has shown himself to be thoughtful and sympathetic to others. He demonstrates appropriate behavior and undertakes group dates with good humor and a willingness to look silly. He’s attractive, educated, family-oriented and financially stable.

    As I’ve said before, TB is his to lose. I simply feel he is not only 100% what the producers are looking for, but also who they have already begun crafting the upcoming show around. I think his slot as TB was planned from the audition/application phase.

  19. strick432

    June 18, 2014 at 10:09 AM

    Does anybody else think Josh looks like Luke Bryan on steroids?

  20. thisissoembarrassing

    June 18, 2014 at 11:16 AM

    I don’t know about the steroids, but my God, he does sweat a LOT. The guy is just.so.shiny. All the time. And to reference what was said above: HE IS NOT AN ATHLETE.

    It’s so weird to me that Andi’s acting like she’s going to be Yankee wife or something. Um, sweetie? He’s not a baseball player. He’s in “financial services”, whatever that means. You’re not going to suit up in his jersey and cheer him on while he’s rounding 3rd. You’re going to bring him lunch, at his cubicle, when he leaves it on the counter. And he’s going to talk about stock options at dinner. Now extra innings. Just a heads up.

  21. kasey31

    June 18, 2014 at 9:32 PM

    What a strange season so far. I was really far behind y’all (sorry, had to!) and just caught up. I started off really loving Andi, but that was short lived. I don’t *hate* her, but I certainly don’t find myself loving her like I thought I would. I can absolutely see now how she was part of the “Mean Girls” club on JP’s season, whereas as before, I didn’t get that vibe from her and wondered why RS kept referencing that about her. And it’s difficult to get a good read on who she is as a person- I’ve seen her wear so many different faces depending on who she’s with at the time, that now nothing about her comes across as genuine or sincere. Maybe this is where age and maturity does come into play, and maybe she still doesn’t have a good grasp on who she is. Maybe in 20 years she’ll watch this back in embarrassment, but one thing I never got with the lead was inconsistency. Emily was consistently snobby, Des was a doll, but consistently boring, Ashley consistently sweet, but the only thing consistent about Andi is that she’s inconsistent. Now I see where Eric was coming from, and I think Nick in the tape piece RS got insinuates the same thing about her. The sweet, inquisitive, carefree, fun loving, Andi she was during her 1-on-1 with Eric, or the confident, quick, kind of hood rat(ish) Andi she is when she’s around Josh are in stark contrast, and yet she’s believable on both dates. It’s like she takes on different identities depending on who she is dating. I would take boring Des over Andi any day of the week in the real world.

    Another odd thing this season is the villain edit.
    I agree with @Rob22- Andrew was definitely set up this season as the villain. The burning question to me is *when* did they decide to pin Andrew with the title? Bc unless they were originally prepping Eric to do the honors, I just don’t think the show had many choices, or footage to air (and perhaps they stopped looking after Eric’s departure, knowing they could manipulate that storyline into a great villain’s edit), as no one really comes across cringeworthy enough to be deserving of it, not like they have in prior seasons, at least. Wes, Vienna, Rated R Rego, Michelle Money, Courtney, Tierra and her sparkles- they’ve always had a stand out villain. Seems like they got to Andrew’s edit at the last minute, which, again, makes me wonder if their original plan was to really stick Eric Hill with the villain edit this season and use a lot of unseen ITMs and spliced footage to create the typical villain we’re used to seeing. But yea, I have to agree with you, Rob, what a strange slur.. “Blackie”? I’ve just never heard anyone use that term before, it almost seems too silly to take seriously. But that mixed with the, “You bragged about getting another girl’s phone number” footage from earlier is perhaps all they had to use for a fill-in villain. Sadly, had Eric Hill not died, we undoubtedly never would have seen what really transpired between him and Andi, and would have probably been left thinking Eric was a total ass. When in reality, he seemed to be in tune with Andi’s fake persona very early on and had the wherewithal to call her out on it.
    Anyway, this is by far one of the weirdest seasons I think I’ve seen.

  22. Sunnyside422

    June 19, 2014 at 7:47 AM

    I had to re-watch Eric’s episodes and felt more and more that he was one very classy and put together young man…very well spoken. And not even considering how good looking he was, he seemed to be totally confident in himself and able to see others well.

    Andi totally overreacted when he gently spoke to her about his take on her behavior. She can be very snarky to some and then a gooey, sloppy mess with Josh. I will say it must have been hard for her to pretend to care for anyone when it was evident Josh was her number one. Ali admitted Roberto was gonna be it from the very beginning and she had to “act” like she cared for anyone else.

    I think Josh will see a lot of her pouty looks as she has perfected that look and it is annoying as hell! Her upper lip on the right side turns upward in an strange way as she speaks. I keep focusing on that and miss half of what she is saying. I think she is okay in the looks department…nothing special. But such a huge step up from the “everything fake” Emily!

    As for Nick…can’t understand what he is saying half the time. He definitely has some speech impediment…maybe a lisp, who knows. Not attractive at all to me.

    I will say that this bunch of men seem to be a better quality…drinking coffee rather than guzzling down the booze has impressed me. I so hate the drunken louts of seasons past.

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