“Bachelor in Paradise” Episode-by-Episode Spoilers

July 2nd, 2014 | 11 Comments | Posted in Bachelor in Paradise

Episode 4: Women give out roses, Men asking dates

Men (8): Graham, Robert, Marquel, Zack, Marcus. Jesse Kovacs (Jillian, Bachelor Pad 1), Kalon McMahon (Emily, Bachelor Pad 3), and Cody Sattler (Andi) enter the show this episode.
Women (6): AshLee, Lacy, Clare, Michelle, Sarah, Jackie

Incoming dates:

Kalon asks Michelle, Jackie and Sarah to go on dates and they all say no, so he goes on a date by himself. Brings two shirts, and talks to himself over dinner sitting in both seats wearing a different outfit. Called the “One-on-none” date.
Cody gave his date card to Marcus because Cody wanted to get to know people in the house. Marcus ends up taking Lacy on a date.
Jesse with Jackie

House dates:

???
???

At some point this episode, Marquel and Michelle’s “relationship” starts to fizzle. He tells her things he doesn’t like about her or something along those lines.

Rose ceremony:

AshLee to Graham
Lacy to Marcus
Clare to Zack
Michelle to Cody
Sarah to Robert
Final rose: Jackie gives her rose to Jesse over Marquel and Kalon

Episode 5: Men give out roses, Women asking dates

Men (6): Graham, Robert, Zack, Marcus, Cody, Jesse
Women (8): AshLee, Lacy, Clare, Michelle, Sarah, Jackie. Lucy Aragon (Juan Pablo) and Christy Hansen (Juan Pablo) enter the show this episode.

Incoming dates:

Christy asks Zack but he says no, so she goes with Jesse
Lucy asks Zack and he says no, so she goes with Jesse

House dates:

Michelle asks Cody and they take fake wedding photos (this was the picture of them I posted on the beach)
???

During this episode, Clare and Zack start re-evaluating their relationship. Zack seems to be going back and forth on what he wants, Clare doesn’t like it, so Clare leaves the show.

Rose Ceremony:

Marcus to Lacy
Graham to AshLee
Zack to Jackie
Cody to Michelle
Robert to Sarah
Final rose: Jesse gives his rose to Christy over Lucy

Episode 6: Women give out roses, Men asking dates

Men (8): Graham, Marcus, Zack, Cody, Robert, Jesse. Brooks Forester (Des) and Tasos Hernandez (Andi) enter the show this episode.
Women (6): AshLee, Lacy, Jackie, Sarah, Michelle, Christy

Incoming dates:

Brooks with Jackie
Tasos with Christy

House dates:

Zack asks Jackie
???

During the cocktail party, Jesse decides that he doesn’t really have a connection with anyone there, so he leaves the show.

Rose ceremony:

Lacy to Marcus
Jackie to Zack
AshLee to Graham
Michelle to Cody
Sarah to Robert
Final rose: Christy gave her rose to Tasos over Brooks

Episode 7:

At this point, I don’t know of the end of episode 6 will end this way, or this will be the beginning of episode 7. New show, new rules, I have no idea. I’ll just put it under episode 7, but here’s how the ending shakes out:

At the end of the sixth rose ceremony, Chris Harrison tells the remaining six couples that things are going to change. All their relationships will now be tested. He brings all 12 people together and says they now must evaluate their relationship and decide if the person they’re “paired” with is in their future. Not sure of the exact wording, but basically, are they gonna choose to stay together or break up?

Couples are taken away from each other, the guys go with the guys and the girls go with the girls to talk about what’s going to happen. There are fantasy suite overnight dates for those who wish to continue on. I’m not sure if the couples are brought back in pairs or whatever. Here’s where it gets a little murky in terms of the structure of how it’s done. All I know is the result of each couple. Here’s what happens:

-Tasos breaks up with Christy before the fantasy suite date

-Graham breaks up with AshLee before the fantasy suite date

-Sarah and Robert go on the fantasy suite date, but she breaks up with him afterwards

-Zack & Jackie break up (not sure if they went on the fantasy suite date)

-Marcus and Lacy go on the fantasy suite date and stay together

-Cody & Michelle go on the fantasy suite date and stay together

This is when three former couples (Des & Chris, Sean & Catherine, and Jason & Molly) are brought in to talk to the couples who decided to stay together. So they only talk to Marcus & Lacy, and Michelle & Cody to give advice on making their relationship work. And that’s how the show ends. Nobody “won” anything. Well, other than each other. Both those couples are still together and are apparently head over heels for each other. Yeah, didn’t see that coming either. So anyone expecting major twists, or some boffo socko ending, forget it. Cody & Michelle and Marcus & Lacy leave the show as couples. That’s it. I mean, does anyone outside of Marcus and Lacy’s friends and family really give a rat’s ass that the 4th place finisher on Andi’s season is now dating the 19th place finisher on Juan Pablo’s season? I certainly don’t. Especially when we just heard this guy two months ago gushing to Andi about how he was in love with her, she’s the greatest woman walking the planet, he’s never met another woman in his life that he’s felt this way about…and now he’s basically saying the same thing again to the next girl that shows an interest. But hey, they’re goo-goo ga-ga over each other now so I guess we’ll have to live with it. Good luck you two. UPDATE 7/7: Marcus and Lacy got engaged at the end of the show.

Side note: Chris & Elise were actually flown back for the ending of the show since they were a couple that was never eliminated during a rose ceremony. They left because of Chris’ injury and Elise decided to go with him. Producers gave Chris a ring and wanted him to propose to Elise, but he decided he didn’t want to do it. Not sure how much of this, if any, will be shown.

In conclusion (I feel like I’m writing a term paper): This ending is kinda/sorta/but-not-really like what they did on “Temptation Island,” which was one of the most underrated reality shows ever. Sh**, even the host Mark Wahlberg looked like a spitting image of Chris Harrison. For those who didn’t watch it, essentially people already in relationships (some dating years, some on the verge of getting engaged, some just started dating) come onto an island, are split up to separate sides of the island, and date other singles. During the course of the stay during their “fireside chats” at the end of every episode, they could choose to watch a clip of their significant other on a date that week or reject the clip. Sometimes the clip was nothing important, sometimes it was a little more than PG, and sometimes their significant other was basically on the verge of sleeping with someone else and the clip would stop. It was a great show I tell ya’. Anyway, at the end of the show, the whole premise was that after all the dating each one of them had done on the island, and the clips they’d seen of their significant other, did they want to stay together or break up. And the choices would vary. Then once the whole show was over, we got a written update on the screen how they were doing in present time. It was wonderful. Please Fox, bring that show back. Sh**, I bet half the contestants from this franchise would jump at the chance to appear on that show. So in that aspect, essentially that’s what “Bachelor in Paradise” was trying to do. But not nearly as successful.

I mean, Tasos entered the show in Week 6. He barely knew Christy at all so how the hell is he supposed to know if he sees a long term future with her? Maybe they’d make a great couple, or maybe they’d crash and burn, but I can’t imagine anyone expected to him to choose to stay together. Cody didn’t get there til week 4, and Michelle had already had interest in Marquel and Robert up to that point. So them choosing to stay together must be at least a little bit serious considering the lack of time they spent together. Would’ve been very easy to break up.

The problem with this whole premise though is all these people sleep around and hook up with others from the franchise all the time before and after “Bachelor in Paradise” took place, so I don’t know how they expect the audience to get invested into any of them. Prodding Chris Bukowski to propose to Elise? Are you kidding me? Hell, even if he did, would anybody have bought that knowing the reputation Chris has earned within the franchise? Of course not.

So in the end, it really turns out to be nothing more than this show trying their hardest to force people to like each other by putting them in situations where you think you’re falling for someone, when it’s really just lust at this point and you don’t really know. Now granted I will give them credit in this aspect: At least on “BIP” and “Bachelor Pad” you do get to spend much more time with the person you’re interested in than on the “Bachelor” or “Bachelorette.” You see them every day, you can talk to them every day that isn’t in some contrived date setting, and you can basically sleep with them every night if you want. But still, if you spent every single day with that person down in Mexico, it’s still only 3 weeks of getting to know someone. You don’t know anyone in 3 weeks, I don’t care how many bodily fluids you exchanged. That’s just silly. But will we watch? Absolutely. See you August 4th.

Send all links and emails to: steve@realitysteve.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you tomorrow.

11 thoughts on ““Bachelor in Paradise” Episode-by-Episode Spoilers

  1. Me too! I’m glad I’m not the only one!! I will probably still watch it though if there’s nothing better on.

  2. Completely confusing, agreed. Michelle Money is with Cody??? I just don’t see it.

  3. I think it looks SO trashtastically bad, it’s going to be hilarious. Definitely a must-watch, just for the fakeness, disfuction and delusions!

  4. Wowza…..my head is spinning. This may be one for the DVR, only to be viewed in times of desperate boredom.

  5. What a steaming pile. If viewers can’t understand it and it’s full of D- level ex-bachelor contestants, who’s really going to watch? Yeah, I guess we like train wrecks, but I mean this is in a class by itself.

  6. Ha, I remember “Temptation Island.” Did anyone watch “Paradise Hotel?” I think that was just one season. Anyway, this franchise should stick to its first two shows. “BP” was lame and trashy (what I actually watched of it) and “BiP” doesn’t seem like it’s going to be much better.

  7. Elizabeth… I remember Temptation Island and Paradise Hotel. One of the low-life contestants from Paradise Hotel came into my place of employment at the time the show was on, and I had the hardest time not giving him a big laugh and pointed look when I walked by. He was one of the worst dirt bags on the short-lived show, along with the girl he ended up hooking up with.

    rob22…I have no doubt most, if not all of us, will watch the new trainwreck. I get such a kick out of these people who say “I’ won watch” or “I’ll never watch again.” How stupid and annoyingly dramatic.

  8. OMG, Temptation Island! My sister was the ‘Reality Steve’ of the Temptation Island Days! (I did a bunch of her research?) And Holy Smokes, those people … Especially the single ‘Tempters’? They were desperate for any kind of fame they could get back then.
    They used to send her all kinds of their side projects, ’cause back then “Reality Star” alone wasn’t a viable career choice, just an entree to get your name out there for something else. So she got more bad photography, cheesy poetry, horrible ‘self-produced’ music, bad fiction and even some kinda ‘art’ involving baby doll parts that they were trying to have promoted.
    The most exciting time was the Cease & Desist from creepy “Millionaire” Rick Rockwell when she was writing about his sham marriage to Darva Conger.

  9. The hit or miss (usually miss) hotel conditions and conditions in general is rather typical of Mexico, especially in the Yucatan, Mayan Riviera. That’s why we haven’t gone back in almost a decade. It’s quite surprising though the show was filmed there…like Steve wrote, it’s more like Temptation Island than anything.

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