The worst kept secret in America was made official this morning on “Good Morning America” when Chris Soules was officially named the “Bachelor,” as Arie sat in his two bedroom condo with his roommate and probably threw a burrito at the TV set. Don’t let Arie’s tweets fool you. He’s PISSED he didn’t get the gig. The show can claim all they want how they didn’t decide until the last couple days, as Chris Harrison is trying to sell everyone on, but lets face the facts. When I mentioned in Andi’s episode-by-episode spoilers back on May 13th it was Chris’s gig, and then he ends up getting the gig three months later, do you honestly think I was just taking a random stab in the dark it was him? They wanted him, he wanted to do it, and he got it. If Chris Harrison wants to argue semantics with me all day long, then so be it. Bottom line was I told you over 3 months ago it’d be him, and it is. Marquel was never a serious candidate, neither was Nick, and Arie was thrown out there just to drive conversation about the show. They were never going to give him the gig, despite him thinking he actually had a chance.
As I say every season, the lead does not make the show. The 25 women, the dates, the travel, the locations, the over-the-top buffoonery and all that the “Bachelor” has come to represent over the past 11 years and 28 seasons is what people will come back and watch for. Look, I don’t care if you don’t like Chris as the “Bachelor” and aren’t going to watch. Not my concern. And frantically telling people on social media how upset you are at this choice is falling on deaf ears. No one cares that you’re not going to watch a show. This is a job to me. I really don’t care who they cast in the lead role because my job is make fun of it and spoil it. That’s what I do. I’m not interested in who he has a connection with, or will some girl move to Iowa or whatever. I don’t care. He said this morning he’s willing to compromise on that, so his job will be to sell America on if he really is willing to do that. My guess is no, but hey, that’s just me. And they don’t need to find someone to move to Iowa for this to work with the viewing audience. They just need to convince someone to pretend that they’re interested in moving, and that’ll do just fine.
Memo to all the women appearing on Chris’ season. If you really are going on the show to advance your modeling career, or you just want to be able to hook up with other guys in the franchise (which will inevitably happen), or you want to be in tabloid magazine, or just want more Twitter and Instagram followers, or you just want to be the next “Bachelorette,” just at least pretend you’re interested in moving to Iowa. The second you get called out as the girl not there for the right reasons, there go your “Bachelorette” chances. You have to be likable, make the top 4, not piss people off in the house, do what the producers say, and at least pretend to have an amazing connection with Chris. That’ll improve your chances, I promise. Good luck to you all. I will be revealing some of you in the near future. So pretty soon, all of Juan Pablo’s girls can kiss their 15 minutes goodbye, since they will be yesterday’s news once I start revealing Chris’ girls, and all the horndogs from other seasons can start pouncing. You’re welcome.
Speaking of yesterday’s news, looks Elise has finally given up her dream of being famous as she’s decided to go back to teaching. Ahhhhh, the children are our future. And now we have a former Yule Log Hottie and “Bachelorette” skank helping them to achieve their dreams. Only in America. I wonder how many parents are thrilled this chick is handling their kids right now? Can’t say I’d be all that jazzed about it.
Overnight ratings from last night are in, and BIP stayed consistent with what they’ve been doing. Same 1.3 in the 18-49 demo, and a little more than 4.8 million viewers last night. Only 2 weeks left in the show, so I expect the last 2 episodes will probably draw over 5 million each. Almost every episode this season has drawn more than any one episode of “Bachelor Pad 3,” so that’s a positive for them.
“Reader Emails” and “Dr. Reality Steve” is a little light right now, so if you want an email answered tomorrow, get them in by the end of the day and I’m sure they’ll appear.