The Bachelor 19 - Chris

The “Bachelor” Episode 4 Recap Including Exclusive Letters from Juelia’s Late Husbands Family Regarding Their Son & Her Appearance on the Show

Today is a big day on the site. Not only do I have your episode-by-episode spoilers from this point forward, I also have two exclusive letters from the family and friend of Juelia’s late husband, Dustin Kinney. To me, these are a must read and they’re on page 2. To make it as clear as I can, I did not go seeking these people. They came to me after watching Juelia’s performance last Monday night. Needless to say, they weren’t too thrilled. Take the time to read them and I think you’ll get a better understanding as to why they came forward. As for your spoilers, ever since Nov. 24th, two days after the finale was filmed, you’ve had your final four breakdown this season. Your episode-by-episode spoilers were harder to come by this season, but I knew once I got through episode 4, I’d be able to piece things together. And I have. So all your spoilers from episodes 5 will be posted in the next hour. Check back for that. Everything pretty much stays the same except for one change in episode 7 in Des Moines. I know there are doubters because I’ve missed a couple small things here and there so far, which is fine. Will only make March 9th that much sweeter. You can dissect things all you want, but nothing can change what happened back on Nov. 22nd on a farm in Iowa. So now hopefully the “where are your episode-by-episode spoilers” emails will stop. But probably not.

In case you missed yesterday’s column, I’d talked all season about how at some point, the “Bachelor” was going to have to double up on episodes at some point because they had one more episode than Monday’s left until March 9th. I thought maybe they’d double up on Monday/Tuesday with back-to-back episodes, but they decided to go with the Sunday/Monday combo in a couple of weeks. Something they’ve done once before. Well, ABC hasn’t officially announced it yet, but here’s what your schedule will look like for the rest of the season:

Feb. 2nd – Episode 5 (Santa Fe, New Mexico)
Feb. 9th – Episode 6 (Deadwood, South Dakota)
Sun. Feb. 15th – 1 hr. special “The Bachelor: Chris Tells All,” followed by Episode 7 (Des Moines, IA)
Mon. Feb. 16th – Episode 8 (Hometown Dates)
Mon. Feb. 23rd – Episode 9 (Overnight Dates)
Mon. March 2nd – Episode 10 (Women Tell All)
Mon. March 9th – Episode 11 (Finale & After the Final Rose)

This morning I made an appearance on the local “Good Morning Texas” show to talk all things “Bachelor.” Good times all around, except for my mic was a little low in the beginning. My segment starts at 4:39 of this clip:

Ratings are in from last night, and the show is trending upward. Went from 7.5 million viewers last week to 7.9 million this week, and even gained a tenth of a point in the all important Adult 18-49 demo, going from a 2.1 last week to a 2.2 this week.

Interesting story that posted yesterday regarding Puerto Vallarta bidding to host a season of the “Bachelor.” Problem is, there’s a few things wrong with how it’s written and I’m not sure they understand how the show works. Here’s what’s wrong:

1) Article states, “Filming of The Bachelor will take place for six weeks between the months of May and June.” The “Bachelor” doesn’t film in May and June. It films between September and November and has for the past 6 years.
2) Maybe you think the “Bachelorette” and they just mixed it up? No, because the “Bachelorette” films between March and May.
3) The “Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” take longer than 6 weeks to film. It’s usually 8-9 weeks.

So where does that leave us? My guess is this is where “Bachelor in Paradise 2” will be filmed. I heard they were going back to Mexico this summer, but a different location. This makes sense. And if you have a reporter that got wind of this negotiation and the deal being struck last week, yet isn’t all too familiar with how this show works, it’s pretty clear they know something, but not everything. Namely that the “Bachelor” doesn’t film in that time period and neither does the “Bachelorette.” So you can expect that this is where “Bachelor in Paradise 2” will be filmed.

All of the blogs and interviews are out. Here is Chris Harrison’s blog about last night’s episode along with his weekly TVGuide.com interview. Here’s
Chris Soules blog as well where he fills us in on a few things we didn’t see last night.

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33 Comments

33 Comments

  1. enndea

    January 27, 2015 at 12:32 PM

    You know, I am sympathetic to Juelia’s in laws and definitely understand why they were upset. That said, there are two sides to every story and when something as horrible as suicide is involved, unfortunately, much becomes based on a combination of hindsight and wanting to remember the best of a person, not the worst. Juelia’s truth as the spouse is no doubt different than the truth of his parents and friends. Right or wrong, and for whatever reasons, he chose to end his life, leaving a wife, a baby, and clearly loving friends and family in the wake. Even if he did it for “honorable” reasons, it doesn’t take away her right to feel angry and hurt and mad and like he abandoned their child. He may have been a saint, but he left that baby to grow up without a father. So…..do I think this should have been discussed in the manner it was on national television? No. But do I think both sides have legitimate thoughts and opinions? Yes.

  2. punka

    January 27, 2015 at 12:39 PM

    Steve,

    After reading those family letters, I am still troubled. Because it is clear that the guy was mentally ill, yet they really wanted to gloss over that. They expounded on myriad things except that. And mental illness is no joke, but it is also not something to should be hidden or feel shame over. The fact the family hid the cause of death from many people seems to indicate they felt shame over it, and are now mad that the lid was blown off what actually happened and their shame was revealed. That is too bad. Mental illness is real and suicide prevention only happens when people are willing to openly talk about it, not hide the results of it.

    I can understand why some people feel that a private matter should not be fodder for national TV–and I agree with that sentiment, but to conceal it from so many people as they did says something more. The guy was ill. Having been married to and divorced from a spouse who was also mentally ill, diagnosed with bi-polar and borderline personality disorder by a clinical psychologist, who threatened suicide all the time, and who hid much of that behavior from their immediate family, I am torn on this. Because the spouse in that situation gets mentally abused all the time. They get emasculated by the abuse, they get blamed for those feelings because they can not fix the other person. It is a brutal situation because they live with it every day, all day.

    The guys sounds like he was a great guy, but he still was ill, chose to end his life and then those consequences followed. Don’t hide it though. talk about it, learn from it, help others with it. Because this is a problem many other have, many others suffer from right now.

    And don’t blame a spouse for talking about it how they need to and choose to, because they went through it as well, they have emotional baggage from it as well.

  3. rob22

    January 27, 2015 at 12:56 PM

    Yeah, I agree with the other posts. Now it’s a total shizz storm. I totally agree that Juelia and the producers were way, way, way wrong to air the stuff they did about the suicide. Very, very bad decision on the part of Juelia, whether it was manipulated out of her, or not. Still, the letters from the family were a horrible idea too. While saying “Juelia was not to blame”, the letters went on to suggest the opposite. If they didn’t want the kid to see what Juelia put out there about her Dad, why on earth would they put this letter out there suggesting that Juelia contributed to the situation & was an overall bad person for what she did on the show. Neither side got it right. I know everything always screams out for a response, but the wise person knows when responding is the wrong thing to do. If the situation was out there, now it’s out there X 10 & the mainstream media will now pick up on this hard… as opposed to the 15 second soundbites that have already come and gone. Also, it’s not hard to imagine that Juelia WAS frightened living with a depressed person who purchases a gun. Wow, that’s pretty frightening right there. The reality in suicides is that signs are always missed. Things always could have been done differently. But the responsibility always resides with the person that commits suicide. Boy, I hope this back and forth between Juelia and the family is over. Take the high road folks. At minimum, for the kid involved who has no say on what the adults are doing using the media.

  4. cjscjs711

    January 27, 2015 at 1:17 PM

    I have a vey different impression of Juelia’s husband after reading the letters and I think their viewpoints are important.

    I also agree that suicide is not a topic that should be hidden and not discussed. Juelia could hardly have avoided mention on this show. However, I think she had probably said enough already generally, and adding more details to be edited in who knows what way – well, you don’t have to be a genius to know sound bites will distort and sensationalize the story.

    I noticed at the time Juelia did not seem ready to be doing this but the show seems to select people in fragile states who recently suffered tragedy, such as Dylan. Therein is where it begins, IMO. I would be amazed if Juelia weren’t prodded to reveal poolside (and also make it difficult for Chris to then send her home that day).

    Kind of a mess. But I do appreciate hearing the other side and hearing the message that clues and warnings should not be dismissed. If you can’t deal with it, you waste no time to find someone who can, especially other family and professionals.

  5. sarahe

    January 27, 2015 at 1:52 PM

    I can definitely see both sides here.

    From the family’s perspective, I get why they were upset. To have your family member discussed on national television after such a painful and difficult death can’t be easy, and when it appears that his wife is shedding a negative light on him, that can come across as tasteless and insensitive. And I do think that the way she went about telling the story on the show, whether it was producer-mandated or not, was unacceptable. There are ways to allude to suicide without delving into details or going into too much background, and a pool party with a guy who hasn’t even asked her on a one on one date was not the time or place for her to bring anything up.

    With that being said, after reading the letters, I think that the family is just as bad as she is. Juelia has her version of the truth as his spouse. I’m sure there were things about their private life and marriage that even his family and best friends were unaware of, and she’s entitled to feel hurt by his actions leading up to his death. No matter how you spin it, suicide is not a selfless act. It is selfish. He clearly had some mental problems that I’m sure were very difficult for Juelia to deal with. That doesn’t make him a bad person, (in fact he sounds like a great person), just one who was troubled and needed help. I’m sure it was very painful for Juelia to be left alone with a child to raise because her husband took his own life. She might not have expressed her grief appropriately, and I personally would never have gone about it the way she did, but his family is discrediting her side of the story completely and trying to publicly make her look bad, which in my mind isn’t the right course of action either.

    Both parties should really consider who REALLY matters here, and that’s Dustin and Juelia’s daughter. Both parties would have done better to tread lightly and more sensitively for her sake. I just hope she never sees any of this in the future.

  6. anonymous

    January 27, 2015 at 2:45 PM

    Looks like Juelia was just short of her 15 minutes of fame, but certainly enough time to exploit and misinform the greater population of what their story was truly all about, at least from what was told above. In my opinion the only story that matters here is that ABC and Juelia used the death of an individual for their gain. Sick and disgusting on all fronts and hopefully one day people will wake and realize that not everything is made for TV. Maybe we’ll see Juelia on the Price is Right next!

  7. arod

    January 27, 2015 at 3:44 PM

    That is a very sad situation, and certainly not appropriate for reality TV. I’m curious what you think of Whitney. I find her quite uptight, but it might just be editing.

    Also check out this recap at oneinthirty.com !

  8. realityliz

    January 27, 2015 at 4:36 PM

    My gut reaction is I feel sorry for everyone. For Juelia, who couldn’t see she was marrying into a family where mental illness should have been very clear after reading these letters. For Dustin’s friend, who couldn’t help his best friend understand that life is tough at times, but killing oneself is and should never be the right answer. For Dustin’s family, who were so embarrassed by they way Dustin took his own life, that they lied to their family and friends. To the producers who took Juelia on as a contestant knowing there was no way possible she would be ready to fall in love and move to Iowa after such a loss. But most of all I feel sorry for Ireland. At such a young age, she will mimic her mother’s sadness and or happiness. No one is a winner or loser here. They are just very sad people who need time and therapy to get through this. I hope for Ireland’s sake Juelia’s husband’s family comes to understand she did nothing wrong. She loved their son enough marry him and have a child with him. And he chose to leave them forever.

  9. ashella

    January 27, 2015 at 5:08 PM

    I found Juelia’s statements on last week’s episode and the fact that the producers aired them to be just as disgusting as everyone else seemed to… but you’ve taken it to a whole new level now, Steve. You posting these “exclusive” statements from his friend and family is so hypocritical. His family calls out Juelia for the things she said about their son and then they go right ahead and do the same thing back to her in just as much detail. Shame on you, Steve, for giving them a platform to continue throwing the blame back and forth. Sure, they could have found a way to publicize their statements elsewhere, but the fact that you decided to post them on your website and label them as “exclusive statements” to get more page views makes you no better than the producers that aired Juelia’s terribly unnecessary details to begin with.

  10. cherra

    January 27, 2015 at 5:51 PM

    Thank you, Steve, for your willingness to post these letters. They were enlightening and clearly written from hearts of love. I could feel the pain and the need to air the other side of the story. It was very revealing on many levels. I am frankly stunned by the reactions here. I am not going to stir the pot by expounding on my thoughts as it would serve no purpose. However, I do want to thank you for posting the letters and would like to say to the family that I am so sorry that your grief has been made even more painful by these unexcusable circumstances. My thoughts are with you.

  11. lisa e

    January 27, 2015 at 5:57 PM

    Sorry, I believe Juelia.

    Steve shows himself, again, to be naïve about relationships- here, the intimacies that marriage introduce us to.
    They ARE often scary!

    Dustin’s family/friend beat the topic senseless. They lost credibility. If they were such experts, they need to take some responsibility! I saw none of that.

    Mental illnesses are unpredictable. 95% of spouses are UNQUALIFIED TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
    So, don’t hesitate to seek out help. No shame.

    The Bachelor producers HAVE HIT A NEW LOW. The Kinney family needs to direct the worst of it there.

  12. anniespeaks

    January 27, 2015 at 6:52 PM

    Steve (and all other readers) – I lived in a marriage much similar to that of Juelia’s. I married a loving, generous, sweet, accomplished man who was very successful. To marry him I moved cross country, leaving behind my support network of family and friends. We had a fairy tale romance and engagement. It felt as if during our honeymoon he changed. It took a couple of years, but when he had a psychotic break in the midst of a manic episode he was diagnosed as bipolar. His parents/family refused to accept this reality

  13. anniespeaks

    January 27, 2015 at 7:23 PM

    My comment above got posted too soon. As I was saying, his family refused to accept this reality. His first hospitalization was when we were out of town (a four hour drive from our home). I begged his parents for assistance – but they didn’t feel it was “good use of their time.” Fortunately his best friend helped – and then shared with me that during college something happened and he had to leave school for a semester and it was why it took him five (not four) years to earn his degree. This is when he began to “self-medicate” with the use of marijuana (when he was manic) and use cocaine (when depressed).

    He was diagnosed during that first hospitalization when he was married to me; but he, nor his parents, accepted it. His next hospitalization came when we were traveling overseas. At least with this event his parents flew over. (It is a very long story.) When they saw him at the hospital they couldn’t deny there was something wrong. I insisted when we returned back to the states that he stay with his parents (he had attacked me on two occasions and threatened me with a knife). I had made arrangements for him to be hospitalized, but when he went there for evaluation, his parents said they didn’t feel he needed hospitalization – then three days later insisted he return home to me.

    This was the single scariest time of my life. I insisted he see a therapist and take medication. I also made arrangements with the police and ambulance service and local hospital that if I felt he was a danger to himself or me, to be able to call 911 for assistance and know the situation would be handled appropriately.

    My ex complied with the therapy and medication for six months – then stopped. Shortly after he asked me for a divorce. I come from a family where no one has ever gotten a divorce, but knew I couldn’t stay in a marriage with someone so ill who didn’t want to stay married. His mental illness made things volatile and we argued far too much…. and I was consistently painted as the “bad wife” by his family. With no support, I was in a lose/lose situation.

    As other posters have said, mental illness and suicide are important issues which are often not discussed. There is great stigma and shame associated with the disease. Juelia’s man’s family/friend needing to address this issue publicly in the manner which they did underscores this reality.

    I don’t know why Juelia felt compelled to disclose the manner of her husband’s death in such detail and for ABC to air it (except for ABC it adds drama = ratings). Regardless – since it was covered by both ABC (and now you) I believe the responsible thing would have been for both outlets (ABC and you) to have done one small public service and addressed the seriousness of this issue and posted information for those seeing the show or reading the story on suicide prevention. Here is a helpful link: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

    The national Suicide Prevention hotline is 1-800-273-8255. It is important for people to know that if they feel they will self-harm (or have a family member/friend who will self-harm or may harm others) to reach out. Call 911 or go to the nearest ER.

    I hope anyone reading this reply/post will remember the information proved here. Also, there is no shame for having a diagnosis of a mental illness. If you had cancer or diabetes would you be ashamed? The sooner people reach out for help (either for themselves or for a loved one) the sooner things can get on track.

    Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Mediation and therapy can bring people out of the dark hole of despair into the bright light of life.

  14. aspen16

    January 27, 2015 at 8:42 PM

    @anniespeaks,
    While I know you have the best of intentions, many things you said were inaccurate. As a former mental health professional with many years of experience, allow me to provide a different perspective on some of the things you (and a few others here) stated.

    First, not everyone who chooses to commit suicide is mentally ill. Many are, but not all are, by far.

    Second, the oft-quoted statement that “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” is naive and, again, often NOT the case. In my experience in working with suicidal individuals, the problems that often lead them to consider suicide are rarely “temporary”. I can think of several for whom their problems were truly permanent. For many others, their struggles had spanned many years, and often decades. Only a small percentage of people who commit suicide do so due to some acute crisis or relatively short term issue.

    None of us has the right to say “suicide is wrong”. That’s a judgment we can all make ONLY for ourselves – we can’t make it for anyone else. Period. Just because you or someone else doesn’t see it as the “best” or “right” decision for someone, doesn’t mean it isn’t for them. Life isn’t always worth living for everyone. For some people, death is a much preferred option to continuing to live a life of hell.

    No one can say for someone else that life is worth living. Just because it is for you, doesn’t mean it is for that person.

    As for those who are battling a mental health issue that played a role in their decision to commit suicide – medication and therapy often DON’T work. I’ve worked with many chronically mentally ill individuals with disorders ranging from depression to schizophrenia. Most have had YEARS of treatment – therapy, multiple medications, hospitalizations, even ECT. Treatment doesn’t always work. And even when it helps somewhat, it doesn’t necessarily do enough to make life worth living. Yes, sometimes it helps a lot, but that’s simply not always the case.

    People also are often very quick to say that suicide is “selfish”. Many people who commit suicide feel that they are a burden to others and, from their perspective, it is the most selfless thing they can do. It sounds like Dustin may have felt that way. So easy to judge when you’re not walking in the other person’s shoes.

    If someone I loved wanted to die, it would be selfish for ME to expect him or her to stay alive for MY sake, especially if that meant the person would continue to suffer or live a life he or she didn’t feel was worthwhile. Selfishness works both ways.

    As for the National Suicide Hotline – when you call it, 1 of 2 things will most likely happen. If you just want to talk to someone for a while, you won’t get much of a listening ear; they’ll listen very briefly and get you off the phone (unless things have changed recently). They want to know if you have INTENT to kill yourself and / or a PLAN in place. If they believe you are at imminent risk, you’ll have the police at your door in a matter of minutes – and you’ll be hauled away to the nearest ER – in front of neighbors who will likely think you’ve committed a crime. Great! Now humiliation and shame have just been added to the pain that led you to call. Just what you didn’t need. I’ve seen this scenario countless times.

    You’ll likely get locked up on a psych unit for a few days; the psychiatrist will start you on meds which may or may not help, and you’ll be discharged a few days later, with a referral for therapy. Maybe treatment will help, but here’s what I can almost GUARANTEE will happen NEXT time you feel suicidal – you WON’T reach out for help, because you don’t want to go through that nightmarish humiliation again. I’ve seen plenty of people unfairly traumatized by the way “the system” treated them when they were feeling suicidal.

    Do I think help should be offered to someone who is at risk of suicide? Absolutely. Do I think it should be forced? No – unless the person is a minor, manic, psychotic, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol – or has a plan that will endanger others (e.g. running in front of a truck). But depression doesn’t automatically mean you aren’t competent to make a decision for yourself. If that were the case, then everyone with depression should be locked up until they’re “cured”. And again, not everyone who commits suicide even has a mental illness. That they MUST have one is a myth.

    Don’t get me wrong. I am deeply saddened when someone chooses to end his or her life, especially if it was impulsive (most suicides aren’t impulsive) or in response to an acute situation that would likely pass. But most who make that choice have given it a LOT of thought – often years. They often did get help – but help didn’t make them feel life was worth living.

    I’m sorry to sound preachy, but I really wish people would stop using these tired cliches about suicide, make sweeping erroneous assumptions, and so harshly judge those who make that choice for themselves.

    As for Juelia; I suspect there is a LOT more to her side of the story. I find these letters inappropriate and extremely biased. The biggest loser in all of this is Ireland. Dustin’s friends and family have certainly done a good job of trashing Juelia – the mother of their son’s, brother’s, and friend’s little girl. I hope Ireland never sees these letters. She’s already suffered enough.

  15. deedee99

    January 27, 2015 at 9:03 PM

    Obviously the broken-hearted family has idealized the man into near sainthood…I’m not surprised, I think it’s a compelling need when dealing with death.

    I’m afraid all they’ve succeeded in doing here though, is to guarantee their permanent estrangement from Ireland, and that would be such a shame, for her.

    The letters weren’t necessary, they didn’t have to “sell” Dustin to us…we didn’t know him so everything we read will be forgotten, sadly.

    What will be remembered is that the producers suck, and that there once was a contestant who shouldn’t have discussed her husband’s suicide, but the producers suck so they probably put her up to it.

  16. shouldbeworking

    January 27, 2015 at 9:40 PM

    I fail to see the relevance of posting almost nude pics of Jade in the same column as very heartfelt letters from the family and friend of Juelia’s deceased husband. Steve took something very tragic and heartbreaking and mixed it with trash. We get it. She posed for Playboy. That usually involves nude pictures of some sort. He could have at least put the two in separate columns, so Dustin’s family and friends don’t have to see photos of a young girl with very little self esteem and self respect.

  17. karynr

    January 28, 2015 at 4:05 AM

    I wasn’t sure how I felt about the letters at first, though my heart broke for everyone involved….. for the family, Juelia and Ireland. I found it disturbing that Steve chose to share these letters. The Bach producers are a bunch of soulless losers. But, the real loser in all this is Ireland, a little girl who will one day see all this and have to find her way through this sad mess. My condolences to the family and Juelia. She never should have been chosen for the show. Shame on ABC for sensationalizing something so sad and tragic for entertainment purposes.

  18. gobsmacked

    January 28, 2015 at 6:27 AM

    The family’s letters are poignant and openly admit to the problems of both suicide and tragic relationships. The mother of young baby doesn’t belong on a reality dating television show shaming the death of the father and then not expect the family to be a bit up in arms about it. ABC on the other hand, they use tragic relationships as the basis for this entire show. ABC mocks the women and seemingly will now stoop to anything for ratings. That seemed to be the family’s point in their letters while also speaking on behalf of their family member as most families would do.

    There seems to be a lot more going on than what we’ve been privy to. You can see the comments on Steve’s Facebook page from the family, Ireland hasn’t been seen by the family since before the show aired. This has got therapy written all over it for the little girl unless her mother starts focusing on Ireland. Plenty of children are left without a parent and those who survive the best put the welfare of the child first, not their own. I can’t think of many mothers who would leave their small baby to go film a television show having just lost the father to suicide of all things and then expose the whole drama on air and hope no one says anything about it.

  19. hattiebloom

    January 28, 2015 at 8:00 AM

    @aspenspeaks

    Good post and good insight.

    Those letters are heartbreaking. You can feel the pain of loss and the anger towards Juelia.

    As everyone else has said, the true victim in all of this is Ireland.

    This is such a private family matter. Just as ABC exploited Juelia by allowing her on the show and then giving her the platform and encouragement to tell this tragic story…..is reprehensible.

    I so wish Steve had the class to respond to the letters privately. He now has a hand in stirring the pot by deepening the animosity between these families. You can bet that family has no chance in seeing Ireland after Juelia hears about these letters.

    Shame on everyone (Juelia, ABC, Steve and Dustin’s family). Let this man rest in peace.

  20. rob22

    January 28, 2015 at 8:08 AM

    aspen16: I guess I see why you’re a “former” mental health professional. “Gee, if you want to commit suicide, maybe you’re right. How would I know your situation? Maybe it’s the right thing”. And gee, “all the suicide prevention hotline will do is get you into a mental hospital”. Well, duh. Suicidal people are not known for their decision making out in the real world. And, wow, what a squishy stance on suicide to suggest that it’s selfish to try to convince someone to not commit suicide. I’m glad that you either decided to exit the mental health profession or that someone was wise enough to yank your credentials. While people do have long term troubles…. hell, everyone has long term troubles, suicide is not the answer. There should be no equivocating on that fact. I do understand why people facing terminal illnesses consider suicide, and there are advocacy groups who support them (and a couple of states too). But I have yet to hear anyone credible suggest suicide is a plausible option in any other situation. Wow.

  21. hkhazzard

    January 28, 2015 at 8:17 AM

    I wish Steve would delete that Facebook post where everyone is commenting. I was uncomfortable while watching the conversation between Juelia and Chris because I thought it was a strange time to have that type of conversation. However, I didn’t feel like Juelia trashed Dustin either. I feel like this whole thing is being handled poorly from all angles. I am sad for everyone involved and pray for Ireland. RIP Dustin.

  22. Cndgirl

    January 28, 2015 at 8:18 AM

    I need to stop reading Steve’s twitter feed on Monday nights – his Tuesday column seems to be built around his Monday tweets, and it’s ruining the column for me. It’s like when a comedy movie shows all their best lines/scenes in the previews.

  23. stephanie0370

    January 28, 2015 at 8:22 AM

    After reading the letters from Julia’s friends and family, I couldn’t help but share a few thoughts of my own. You mentioned that you can guarantee production never spoke with the family in regards to whether they were approving of Julia’s decision to share Dustin’s story. I have to assume that you in turn checked with Julia to be sure she was okay with her family making the same decision. Julia was sharing her story with a “stranger” as they put it, poolside and on camera. How do you know the family? Or are you not a stranger? You website is presumed to be a blog that exploits the Bachelor franchise. The intent is to “spoil” the show before it airs, attack production, attack the contestants, the lead and anything else that you find displeasing. Of course the family would chose to go to you to share this information. You hate the show, they obviously hate Julia. This wasn’t to portray Dustin in an amazing light, it was to attack Julia. It was gossip and I am ashamed you chose to take part in it. If they wanted to speak wonderful things about their deceased loved one while supporting his wife and mother of his child, I would commend you. You however chose to print their feud with Julia over Dustin’s personal items and child. What shocks me the most is Julia never spoke about her obvious issues with Dustin’s family. She chose to share HER story and it was HER story to share. I can’t imagine what good came from your column except that others like me couldn’t wait to read the new gossip. I can admit I felt dirty and shameful from taking pleasure in such a sad story. The family is in denial. Suicide is selfish as it is and even more so leaving a mother and baby to clean up the mess. I don’t see calling the police first for a heads up as some heroic act. If the family wants time with Ireland, they should find different means to do it. If I were Julia, I would be appalled at their actions.

  24. anonymous

    January 28, 2015 at 8:27 AM

    Juelia sounds like she’s got a lot of problems. By this letter it almost seemed like the family held back. I’ll bet there’s a lot more to this story than we’re being told. Unfortunately when only one person has an opportunity on national TV to tell their side, the rest of the story becomes distorted. She’s pathetic for going on national TV, leaving her daughter and acting as if she’s the victim. It takes a narcissist to leave their daughter in their first year of life to go on national TV “to find love”…. end of story!

  25. anonymous

    January 28, 2015 at 8:34 AM

    Sort of strange that Reality Steve suddenly has a bunch of bashers. Obviously most people that come to this site are looking for spoilers, so we have to assume that Juelia has gotten wind of this article and sent out the brigade. Steve I think you did an honorary thing in allowing the family to share their side.

  26. jay2

    January 28, 2015 at 8:55 AM

    I completely agree with Aspen16 and appreciate the time that he/she took to write an answer, unfortunately the issue is not completely black & white and a lot of cliches abound related to suicide.

    I actually appreciate that Steve posted the letters from Dustin’s friends and sister. I think they did the right thing in writing these letters and sharing the story from their point of view. I can tell that they loved him and his departure left a void in their lives. When I watched the episode I got a completely different idea of who Dustin was, Juelia painted him as an aggressive person who couldn’t deal with having a baby because of his depression, when it seems from these letters that he was an amazing man who really loved his daughter. If I was Ireland and heard my mom saying those things on TV I would think “wow. my birth contributed to my dad’s suicide” how do you think that would make her feel?

    Having said so, nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. I know, first hand, how hard it is to be with a mentally ill person. Juelia must have had a very hard time, and add a new baby on top of everything. She said her side of the story, they said their side of the story.

    I REALLY hope that Ireland reads these letters as well as watches the episode. There is no way that she won’t watch the episode once she grows up, so I hope she also gets to read these letters. These letters show that there are always two sides to a story and I gather from these letters that everyone loves Ireland. I hope that Juelia in time lets Dustin’s family see Ireland, once Juelia gets over the anger that these letters will cause and her grief. Both parties have to forgive each other in order to move on. I personally feel it’s really selfish from Juelia to keep Ireland from her aunt and grandmother. I mean, she may hate her sister in law but not because of that she should stop Ireland from seeing them, particularly if they love her (as long as the aunt doesn’t badmouth her mother to Ireland of course). It will make Ireland’s life richer, happier, spending time with her extended family, feeling supported, and getting to know more about her dad and his legacy.

  27. bianca

    January 28, 2015 at 9:45 AM

    First of all, to “rob22” you are clearly a lucky person who has never actually had to have any contact with the mental health system or with the topic of suicide at any type of close range because your comments are so ignorant that they actually compelled me to make a profile and post a comment.

    That being said, I am a long time follower of this blog and I gotta say I REALLY LOVE how long and detailed and punctual your posts are, Steve, gives me so much to read and look into after the weekly episode of the Bachelor airs! Your site totally fills the “leaves me wanting more” feeling I get after each episode! AWESOME!

    But the other reason for my commenting is just to agree with most of the above posters in saying that Dustin’s family did the opposite of taking the high road with these long-winded, passive aggressive letters. First of all, nobody really cared THAT MUCH about who this Dustin guy is or why he killed himself, there wasn’t much online to be googled, and of the millions of viewers who tune in to the Bachelor every week, do they really think that many people actually bothered to google him after the episode aired that they’d need to pen these open letters to be posted on your site?

    If anything they made the situation worse by airing way more dirty laundry than Juelia ever did, and their whole “Juelia is not to blame, but she was the major stressor and texted him too much during work and basically forced him to do it because she was stressing him out too much” stance is disgusting.

    HE chose to end his own life. HE is the one to blame. If they didn’t want people to know how he killed himself, then they should be upset with HIM for doing it in the first place. To try to cover up his suicide by painting it as some type of selfless act of self sacrifice is like they’re trying to make him into a martyr which, let’s be honest, is the furthest thing from the truth I have seen about this topic so far. Anyone who kills themselves and leaves a baby daughter behind, is not a martyr, they’re someone who is extremely mentally ill and probalbly has been for a long time, way before the couple years that Juelia came into his life.

    The way the family is glossing over his own actions to me makes it really obvious that he comes from a whole line of people who validate themselves based on other people’s opinions. That type of behaviour destroys people because if they’re always looking outwards for validation, they will never be able to focus inwards on what really makes them happy.

    I’m not saying the family shoudln’t have a voice, but a simple 1 paragraph statement along the lines of “we are deeply pained to see our son’s tragedy aired on national television in a way that we believe did not portray the situation as it really was. We are hurt that Juelia picked a public forum such as “The Bachelor” to talk about Dustin’s death, and are pained beyond words that a television franchise such as The Bachelor would choose to capitalize on our family’s tragedy in order to get ratings for their reality television programme”

    Instead of attacking Juelia, who is hurting too. OBVIOUSLY the suicide is a hot button for her, much like being a virgin is a hot button for Ashley I., Some people choose to put their hot buttons out there as a convoluted type of “therapy” because to them they’re saying, this is me, this is where I come from, this might help you understand WHY I am the way I am”. I don’t think she did this maliciously, although I agree going on The Bachelor after such a horrible tragedy is in bad taste and should definitely not have happened.

    But I mean, based on the way these letters are written, woudl you want your daughter (i.e. Ireland) being a part of a family that is clouded in denial, mental illness, and preoccupied to the point of instanity about what other people think? I think Ireland has as better chance with Juelia than with this group of misguided family members.

    Just my opinion.

    And one last thing I had to say, is that I actually didn’t see the big attraction about Jade until I saw those nude pics, definitely a hottie with a body! :)

  28. cjscjs711

    January 28, 2015 at 8:56 PM

    @Aspen16 Just want to be another voice to thank you for your words on the subject. I read your post in its entirety and I get what you’re saying and I’m not going to over-react and think you’re talking about every single person. There’s a lot of real-world truth in what you said. I get it and you deserve credit for telling it like it is for some.

    None of us know the whole of either person’s story to sit here and judge. I don’t blame the family for getting the other side out there after Juelia opened the door on national TV. Yes it was TMI, but only showed also their wounds have far from healed also. Further, trying to medically diagnose, as amateurs, on the basis of those letters is unfair and inappropriate.

    Reality TV in general has a record of putting people on the air who have had recent tragedy and not recovered who then break down on TV. I think if people REALLY want to stop that and comments to the producers doesn’t work (has it?) people have to vote by changing the channel and not being one of the 8 million.

  29. missannmcd

    January 29, 2015 at 4:28 PM

    @sarahe: Yours seems like an accurate assessment. I agree.

  30. robinmalu

    January 29, 2015 at 8:31 PM

    I think Ashley S would be fun to hang out with from time to time.

  31. rainbowtrout

    January 31, 2015 at 7:00 PM

    I was shocked when I saw Dustin’s wife on the Bachelor, and what was said. I had the pleasure of meeting Dustin a few times, the first in San Diego with my brother after J broke up with him, and he was heartbroken. My brother who died in 2011 in Thailand was a very close friend. Dustin hugged me as I wept at James’ funeral. He was a self less, caring person and made us laugh every minute. After the loss of my bro, hearing about Dustin dying hurt my heart all over again. I did not know that he shot himself, and other details that were revealed on the show, and was a little taken aback. I will choose to remember Dustin as he really was. An amazing, beautiful person. Big hugs to his family, and his daughter. He will always be very special to me.

  32. missannmcd

    February 1, 2015 at 12:31 AM

    aspen1 Much of what you said is the real truth. I could relate strongly. I have had a lifelong struggle with suicidal thoughts but in the end, my decision to not give up is out of my love for my children and grandchildren. I chose to endure my suffering instead of leaving them to endure theirs b/c of what I would have done. I couldn’t do THAT to them.

  33. gobsmacked

    February 22, 2015 at 8:05 AM

    Gotta post these hilarious comments from David Spade on Jimmy Kimmel about Julia talking to Chris poolside. David says it right, who in their right mind would pull aside a guy having a great time at a pool party to talk suicide? Hadn’t thought much about that point until seeing this.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gdcQB5tkhg

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