Dr. Reality Steve

“Dr. Reality Steve” & Live Video Chat Returns Tonight at 9:00pm EST/6:00pm PST

Your live video chat returns tonight at 9:00pm EST/6:00pm PST. I’m sure we’ll be talking all things “Bachelor” this week in regards to Britt, her date, who’s the next “Bachelorette” talk, and all the other goodies you all bring to the table every week. As for the letters from Dustin’s family, lets try and keep that to a minimum, because we could literally talk about it the whole show. The situation is over in my eyes. Juelia said what she did on the show, the family responded – done. No need to play a game of back and forth and have more people come out to defend Juelia or come out and defend the family. So of you agree with the family, some don’t. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion on it. All I wanted to do was present you with both sides. I don’t think there’s any topic on anything in this entire universe where everybody is 100% on one side and 0% are on the other. None. I’m not a fan of what Juelia did on the show, and I’m more on the side of the family, but the whole issue to me was more just another example of how manipulating and downright cold this show can be. I’m much, much, MUCH more interested in the behind-the-scenes of this show versus what we see for 2 hours every Monday night. Much more interesting to know what’s really going on rather than the fake BS fed to us every week, so I try to gather as much as I can and give that to you.

I guess this upcoming Monday’s episode we will now get our answer to “What was Michelle Money talking about in the premiere when she said Britt doesn’t shower?” Well, here’s your answer:

Also this week, we’ll see Kelsey’s crazy start to come out a bit when she becomes the “I’m Gonna Act One Way Around Chris But Completely Different Around the Girls” girl. It’s so tired and repetitive at this point. We get this every season. Kesley is just the latest in a long line of them. Kelsey, if you don’t like it, then don’t apply for the show. Here’s a clip of Kelsey getting jealous of Chris’ date with Britt.
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Dr. Reality Steve,

I graduated last year. I played a college sport at a big time d1 school where I met this great guy who also played athletics there. Same sport btw. We started dating our freshman year pretty much right when we got to school in August. He was super nice guy, cute, and came from the same type of family as mine. (Both are from the same state and grew up about 2 hrs from each other) However despite that I was miserable my first year… My coach that originally recruited me left the summer before I arrived. The new coach came in and basically wanted to turn the program up side down and wanted nothing to do with any of the previous coaches players. So I was very unhappy that year and let it affect every other part of my life. I ended things with this guy around Christmas but we still talked frequently saw each other all the time until the year was over. I always regretted breaking it off especially after I ended up transferring that next year. I guess you don’t realize what you had until it’s gone. Strangely enough he also ended up transferingto another school the year after I did. Anyways…

We have kinda kept in touch through out the last 3 years but not often. I’ve seen him a couple times at some games but that was it. We have only talked once about why we broke up (probably about year and a half ago) and that’s because I brought it up and wanted to basically apologize and tell him how stupid I was and I shouldn’t have let what was going on affect my relationship with him. He sounded like he didn’t really care which kinda sucked because I knew he did especially at the time. I hurt his feelings pretty bad (from what his friends told me) I know he is way over me and that situation now…but I keep holding out hope.

To be honest at that time in my life sports came before everything else. I never had a long relationship and wasn’t used to being in relationships bc I was always striving to be the best in my sport. (He was the same way I was his first fairly serious relationship). I’m a huge family person so naturally I turned to them instead of him because that’s all I ever did.

I have dated other guys since and obviously he’s dated other girls but he is always in the back of my mind. I have wanted to try it again but he really hasn’t seemed to interested when we text.

Is there anything wrong with trying to see if he would like to go out again sometime ..at least dinner ?

If you were him would you be interested again?

I know you were athletic so I figured you could understand the sports side of this story. (Maybe)

Sorry for the bad grammar. Thanks for the advice. I’m kinda embarrassed about this.

Comment: If he doesn’t seem interested when you text, then it’s your call whether or not you decide to ask him. You won’t know your answer unless you do. Sounds like you may already have your answer, but I guess there could be a part of him that thinks “Well she can’t possibly be interested in me again. She dumped me before.” There’s that hope. But I don’t know the guy or how he acts/what he says to you. You think he’s not interested, so it’s your call. Asking him to dinner isn’t going to hurt anybody. If he says no, then you officially have your “he’s not interested” answer. If he says yes, it doesn’t guarantee marriage or anything, but it’ll at least keep your from the “what if” you’ve been running in your head for 3 years.
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Hi! So, I feel a bit like a goon, but I figured I would write in to get an outsiders perspective on this.

I just turned 32, and I’m divorced. I was with my ex since I was 19; we split after 10 years (and two kids) together. My kiddos are 6 and 7. I’ve been single now for about two years, and I have just recently started dipping my foot, more like a toe, in to the dating world.

Anyway, I randomly meet a guy at a restaurant one night, and we really hit it off. He is a couple of years younger than I am, but we were really compatible and we got along really well. We start dating, things were progressing nicely. I let him know my situation early on, as far as being a mother and he seemed to be okay with it. He asked me about my kids, and we would chat about them frequently, but I was clear that I wasn’t looking for him to do or be anything in regard to my situation. (I am financially stable, I own my home, my ex is involved with our kids…I am not looking for a sugar daddy or a step-daddy situation is what I mean by that.) Basically, I was just happy to have his companionship and to be spending time with him. He appeared to be really interested, pretty invested. He said so verbally and also behaved as if he was. But, after a several months of dating, he suddenly flipped a switch. We never fought or argued. I never pressured him to meet my kids or any of those things. He cried and was super emotional when he broke it off with me and didn’t give me a reason why initially. He just said that he needed time to figure things out. A week or so later, he told me that he broke it off with me because I have kids. He doesn’t have any of his own and he wants to be a dad someday, and he was trying to figure out the age differences, the amount of kids we would be raising together if we got married (WHAT?!?) and ultimately he decided that it couldn’t work. This blindsided me because it wasn’t something we ever talked about together. That, and I wasn’t at that same level at this point of our dating relationship. Here he was having all these thoughts I was not having; counting these imaginary kids I hadn’t even thought about once. Or, maybe this was just the easy out…blame it on the kids? Throw a few tears out there to make it look authentic? I don’t really know.

Anyway, it’s all said and done now, but I guess my question is this: what advice might you give me going forward? I don’t want to get married anytime soon. I don’t have a ton of dating experience, being that I was in a relationship my entire 20’s. I’d like to continue to date a bit, but I don’t want to keep running in to issues like this. It was pretty painful to be broken up with because I have kids, despite him knowing that from day one. Or do I just throw in the towel for the next 10-12 years, until my kids are grown? Haha!

Thanks for reading my novel.

Comment: I don’t think he necessarily used your kids an out in the relationship. I just think he maybe saw it getting serious, thought about what he wanted, and maybe he just didn’t want to get involved in someone else’s family. Perfectly normal. Granted, he knew that from the beginning since you told him, but it’s possible it didn’t set in until later. I’m sure there are plenty of guys out there that want a to get married and have a family. But just their own. So I can see that might’ve been his reasoning.

As for you going forward, obviously you don’t want to limit your dating pool, but maybe just date divorcees or guys with kids. Sure, if a single, never married, no kids guy comes along that you think has potential, don’t pass it up. But just know what happened with this past guy could happen to any single guy in the future. Just because they say they want marriage and kids doesn’t necessarily mean they want your already established one. Even if you throw it out there in the beginning, it may take a while to sink in. Looks like that’s what it did for him.

So date who you want, but just know someone who’s single with no family and/or kids may not truly understand what they’re getting into.
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I’m in somewhat of a predicament and would just like your feedback on the situation!

I am 27, and I am recently divorced. I was married to my ex-husband for 7 years. I’m not sure if I’m ready to get into another relationship but am open to meeting people and going on dates.

About 9 years ago, I started working at a day care center while I was in college, and I became good friends with the director and her daughter who is a few years older than I am. The daughter and I each got married about a month apart, and our husbands and we hung out together a few times. My ex-husband and I moved out of town about 4 years later and while I still kept in touch with the mom and daughter, we eventually drifted apart. I moved back into town about 2 1/2 years later and have been back ever since. One of my children now goes to the day care center I once worked at so I see the director just about every weekday. Her daughter is there sometimes, too, so we have casual conversation but don’t really talk that much outside of there, except a very rare text or through Facebook comments.

Anyway, her marriage has fallen apart, and she is planning to file for divorce. Because she knows that I recently went through one, she has come to me a couple of times asking for advice…and I feel weird because after she left her husband, he got in touch with me, and we’ve been chatting through text (and a couple times on the phone). I’ve been really hesitant about hanging out with him or talking to him much because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. After about a month of texting, I finally agreed to meet up with him this past weekend. We went on a group date, and I had a really good time. I would like to hang out with him more, take things slowly, and just see where it goes. While I wouldn’t make our relationship public until I was certain it was going somewhere, this is my predicament…

I don’t consider his (soon to be ex) wife a “good friend” but I do feel that if she or her mom knew about this new friendship, they’d be upset and maybe feel betrayed. What are your thoughts? Should I nip the relationship in the bud to keep from stepping on anyone’s toes or should I hope that they would get over it eventually if our relationship goes somewhere?

Comment: If you really, really, really want to see if it’s going somewhere with this guy, then you should but just know the consequences if she finds out. It won’t be pretty. If you say you’re not good friends with her, then yeah it’ll bother her if/when she finds out because she’ll know you were just being fake with her, regardless of how surface level your relationship was. She’ll still gonna feel betrayed. But it’s your life and it’s his life. If you guys wanna see each other, and you’re divorced, and he’s about to be, you’re allowed to date. But because of your situation, just know if she finds out she’s gonna take it out on you.

You said she is gonna file for divorce. What has he said to you about it? Are they already separated trying to work on things, or is it over and done with and it’s just a formality at this point? Does he think it’s weird that you guys are “dating?”

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5 Comments

5 Comments

  1. hattiebloom

    January 29, 2015 at 4:31 PM

    To the divorced woman whose boyfriend suddenly jumped ship because of kids…..

    Words of advice:

    1). You said you talked ‘frequently’ about your kids. First of all, no one cares about your kids as much as you and your ex do….so keep that type of convo to a real minimum. Even if he/they ask. And…..don’t refer to them as ‘kiddos.’ Barf.

    2). Unfortunately with kids involved, your dating pool has narrowed. Don’t let anyone meet your kids unless you think they are “the one” and it’s been at least 6 months of dating.

    That’s it. Good luck.

  2. ladyjane747

    January 29, 2015 at 6:57 PM

    To the battered woman, get out now because that’s what you are – a battered woman. I used to work with battered women. Even if your batterer is telling the truth – that he was never violent with anyone before, which I highly doubt – he’s using a textbook batterer’s line by telling you YOU’RE making him do it. Get out now before you have children with this batterer because batterers typically are violent with their pregnant victims. Get out now before he takes your phone, follows you, limits your contact and activity, because if you try to leave him at that point he may kill you. I had a friend who moved in with her fiancé and he hit her – just once. When he went to work the next day, she called her dad and brother and they helped her move. That’s what you need to do – don’t even tell him. Wait until he goes to work and then get some friends and family over to move you out. Go to a battered women’s shelter if you have to. Leave, leave leave!

  3. iammesoucantbe

    January 30, 2015 at 12:07 PM

    To the battered woman with the question:

    LEAVE! NOW!

    Once they cross the line of putting their hands on you there is no going back. The longer you stay the harder (and more dangerous) it’ll be to leave. It’s NOT your fault and don’t let him convince you it is. Get your things (or not) and get out, now!

    I am all to familiar with this scenario unfortunately and I know the cycle all to well. Please, for the love of God, do NOT give your abuser another change to harm you physically or mentally! Get as far away from him as humanly possible as quickly as possible enlist family and friends to help and cut off ALL communication with him immediately!!

    Good luck!

  4. iammesoucantbe

    January 30, 2015 at 12:08 PM

    ***Chance……not change. Oops.

  5. gigi1701

    January 31, 2015 at 11:56 AM

    To battered Wife. My comment is to agree with Dr. Steve and others, get AWAY, far, far AWAY. If a man hits you AND blames you, you will be in danger for you LIFE! I have been there, I was almost killed in said relationship, thank God I wasn’t married, but he did live in my house and it took the police to get him to leave. Imagine this scene, he has trashed my house, destroyed some of my property, I am freaking out and call a friend, she calls the police, they come over and HE tells them I won’t let him leave… They look around and see that I as a barely over 5 ft woman and slim would not have any control over a 6+ ft man. Thank God for them standing by me until he leaves. Then he is outside my house, in his car begging to talk to me. That was the last time ever in my life I got close to him, and no, I did not talk to him. There is no option but to get away. period. This scenerio had happened many times in various versions before this, I always gave into his tears and took him back, big mistake.

    Listen to Dr. Steve, he is right on, it NEVER will get better or change.

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