Reality Steve

Dr. Reality Steve

“Reader Emails (Part 2), “Dr. Reality Steve” Plus News & Notes

Dr. Reality Steve

Dear Dr. RS,

First off, you’re awesome. Thank you for bringing joy into my otherwise boring school-week. You are appreciated, and just an all-around fantastic guy!

The finale hasn’t aired yet, but I will say since I am so confident in you: congrats on another great season!! I made a bet with my boyfriend that if you’re right (which you will be), that he has to read spoilers for the next Bachelorette season, which he’ll hate because he does not like spoilers (he doesn’t know what he’s missing).

Okay, so this is probably an issue that you haven’t been brought before, but I’d like to see your input, since, well, you’re a guy who has a good judgment of character from what I’ve seen throughout the years.

I’m a college senior, as is the best friend that I will be referring to (this really is my friend and not just me masking anything, as you’ll see). We’ve known each other for over ten years, too. I’ll call her Lacy.

Lacy started dating her now-fiance last January, and only a few months after that time, she said they were going to get married. Granted, they had known each other all of college and were best friends, but thought dating wasn’t an option because he’s from another country and is only in America for college (he’s from Asia). He proposed in September and they were hoping to get married this upcoming September, but her parents didn’t want them to get married just so he could have a reason to stay in the country, and it was a huge point of contention with them, causing numerous fights and such.

Lacy’s fiance comes from an extremely wealthy background, so finances aren’t really an issue here and he has said that if they weren’t getting married, that he wouldn’t have a reason to stay in the country.

I’ve been one of the only friends that Lacy has confided to about her upcoming nuptials because all of her other friends didn’t know why she couldn’t wait another year or two. My own parents got married at 22, and I’m in a very committed relationship myself and looking to get married within the next few years as well, so she felt that she could come to me without judgment, and that I could relate to her on some level.

Long story short, the fiance has had to find a way to stay in the country (even though he told her he’d wait two years), so he’s going to get an internship, if he finds one. As I just found out today, Lacy (going against her parent’s wishes, which I’ll get to in a minute), was able to find a booking for this November at our church, which is only two months after when she originally wanted to get married, and she has expressed that she should get married when she wants since it’s her day.

Today, I get a text message from Lacy’s mother out-of-the-blue asking if she could call me and talk to me about something (which has never happened before). I was thinking that this was something about the bridal shower or something of that sort, since I’m one of the bridesmaids. Well, Lacy’s mother put me in an awkward position, which is the reason why I’m writing to you (sorry it took so long to get here). She basically put me on the spot, asking if there’s a reason why they’re rushing the nuptials, that Lacy doesn’t even care about having a wedding, that she would go to a justice of the peace, have a simple lunch, etc. which is all very different than what she’s said for her whole life about what she wanted for a wedding. I talked to Lacy’s mother and asked her if she’s worried, and she told me that she’s “beyond worried,” and that “he could take her and we could never see her again.” So basically, from what I ascertained since she never explicitly said it, they’re worried that he’s a con man who could take her out of the country and never let her come back here. Keep in mind, some of my other friends’ parents have expressed the same concern, one of whom was in the FBI, but nothing has been expressed to Lacy explicitly, because she’s dissuaded other views, saying he has enough money to not need anything from her, and that they’re genuinely in love.

Also, Lacy’s mom said that I can’t say anything to Lacy about the phone call, but that I should be “a good influence” on her and see if she would want to postpone things for a few months longer and report back to her if I hear anything. I know that Lacy and her mom have had conflicts on wedding dates and such, but I didn’t know it was this bad. Lacy’s mom sounded nothing like her normal self- she sounded emotionally drained and just genuinely fearful, which naturally freaked me out. I should add that Lacy had gone behind her mother’s back to go through the church to get possible dates earlier than next year, too, and that the church is making an exception for Lacy (normally have to reserve a year in advance at least).

I will just add that I have met the fiance once and he does seem to be a really nice guy, showering Lacy with gifts and fancy dinners, and overall making her very happy. He’s also been welcomed on numerous occasions into Lacy’s home and they have said they liked him to Lacy.

So my question to you is, should I tell Lacy: A. that her mother contacted me, because I think it could make things worse? Or B. just keep acting the way that I’ve been acting, supporting her wishes? I feel like I’ve been put in a really tough spot, and I can see both sides, so I’m stuck.

Thanks and sorry this message was so long! You are the king!!!

Bride’s BFF (you’re welcome)

Comment: Yeah, her mom did put you in a tough spot. Here’s what I’d do. Tell the mother to contact her daughter and speak to her herself with her concerns. What good does it do to go through you? She can’t have a talk to her own daughter? Or she has and she hasn’t been able to get through to her?

Either way, I think the mother could be getting a little paranoid. I kinda don’t get why she thinks he’s just gonna take her away. Wouldn’t Lacy have a say in that? If she thought she was being taken away, and that’s not what she wants, she’d stop it from happening.

The mother needs to be more open with Lacy and express her concerns. Not to you.
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Hi Steve,

This is “confused in Miami” I wrote to you the other week about my affair with the married man. Well I took your advice (and the advice of the listeners in the comments) and quit it cold turkey. It was not an easy thing to do because he claimed to love me blah blah blah and even proposed to me. Well I didn’t give in and I blocked his number, email, and I blocked him on all social media sites so there is no way of us contacting each other anymore.

Thank you for your advice I know its for the best however, I am really struggling with this heartache. I cannot eat, sleep, and constantly feel sick to my stomach. I was wondering if there is anything I can do that will ease the heartache or is time really the only thing that can heal this.

Thanks again,

Still messed up in Miami

Comment: You will get over it. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and think that this was actually something real. It was never going to happen. You loved the fantasy of it, but think of it this way: If he would’ve left his wife for you, what’s to say he wouldn’t have done the exact same thing to you down the line? It’s right there in front of your face. If he did it for you, he obviously could do it to you. Be happy it’s over because it was never gonna work.
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Hey Steve,

So I’ve got a sort of off topic relationship question- a friendship related one. I invited a few friends down to my place in a few weeks to hang out because I haven’t seen them in a while. Started making plans about where we were going to go out for dinner, out for drinks, etc. Then suddenly one of them starts talking about what her and her 3 young kids are going to do while they are down here. I had no idea. Obviously I know she has kids, but it was never brought up that they would be coming. I have a small home, with little space for people to be undisturbed so I was very thrown off with her assuming we would be okay with the kids staying at our place for the entire weekend. It just never occurred to me that kids would be brought along for a weekend we discussed going out at night.

My question is, am I wrong for not assuming her kids would come along with her? Or should she have asked us if it was okay before deciding by herself that they were coming. I’m also still confused how these kids are coming and we’re going to be going out at night, but that’s another issue.

Thanks!

Comment: No, you weren’t in the wrong. But now that you know they’re coming, you need to make it clear that it wasn’t in the plans. Just tell her, “Hey, I noticed you said you were bringing your kids. I’m sorry if you misunderstood, but this was supposed to be just us girls this weekend. Is there any way you can NOT bring them?” And if she says she’s already made plans, they’re coming, etc. then you have to work out the logistics of that. Maybe once she realizes the logistics don’t work, she changes her plans and doesn’t end up coming, or has someone else take the kids.
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Dear Dr. Steve,

Over the course of the past several years, I’ve lost a lot of weight. Like a hundred pounds a lot. In the end, it was simple (healthy eating, exercise and self-discipline), but not easy. I went through a few cycles of re-gaining and then re-losing. There’s plenty more to say, but the important part now is that I’m happy and at a healthy weight.

I was really overweight, and my size has fluctuated a lot. That kind of thing takes a toll on your body, and all the dieting and exercising in the world won’t give me a Sports Illustrated body. I have loose skin and stretch marks. My breasts look like they belong to a middle-aged mother who breastfed four kids. I’m very happy with myself as a person and would venture to say that I have higher self confidence than most, but of course I’m self-conscious about my body. Some days I think I was more comfortable with my naked body when I was one hundred pounds heavier, but I work hard to remind myself that I should love my body for exactly what it is and that my stretch marks tell the story of my journey to health. I’m smart, funny, charming, successful, and kind. I’m a catch, but I understand that humans are visually motivated and that I would not be sexually or romantically compatible with people who place a high value physical appearance. My challenge is identifying and weeding those people out (considering they are probably the majority).

With clothes on, I look amazing. I have a pretty face and a lovely shape and I generally get hit on by good-looking dudes, but (and I’m really trying to get better about this) I can’t help but feel like I’m engaging in some sort of false advertising. When I start dating someone and things are about to get physical, I don’t really know how to approach it. Sometimes I don’t say anything and just force myself to believe they like me for me while I use everything in me to will myself to project self-confidence, but it’s very, very difficult not to let self-conscious thoughts creep in, like I’m disappointing to my partner. I hate that feeling, so I’ve also tried openly discussing my weight loss before the clothes come off and letting them know that my body reflects my journey, but I don’t really feel like they “get” it, and I also think it’s a little unfair to the guy since it wouldn’t really be easy for him to admit if it were going to be a problem without looking/feeling like an asshole (even though I would absolutely appreciate the honesty – less of a sting than finding out later). Also, it’s just awkward. “So I know you THINK I’m an 8, but really I’m about a 4. Hope that’s cool lol k thanks byeeeee!”

So, Dr. Steve, man who entertains me week after week while asking nothing of me in return, I would appreciate your advice. I respect your opinion as someone who is intelligent, realistic, male, and has completed a degree in internet psychology. You’re always impeccably honest, but give it to me straight, doc.

Much love, and keep on rockin’ in the free world.

– Former Fat Friend and Two-Hand Waver 4 Lyfe

Comment: First off, congratulations on that much weight loss. No pills, wraps, fad diets, or anything like that can make someone lose that much weight. That’s strict eating and working out, which takes a ton of self-discipline. I commend you for that.

But if you’re still self conscious about your naked body, I don’t think it’s wrong to throw it out there before anything physical happens. Your weight loss is part of who you are, so you can’t hide from it. It’s not like he’d never not know that. But yeah, it’s tough situation because every guy is gonna react different. There’s not gonna be a universal answer to how he will react. You kinda have to wade through it and see, but at least by telling them all upfront, they know what to expect. If they ditch you, then they weren’t for you anyway. I think you’ll be surprised that some won’t be affected by it at all.
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Dr. Reality Steve,

I wanted to get your opinion on something. My ex and I dated for 4 years, broke up several years ago, and are now friends. A little background, we worked together and were friends before we dated, and although the breakup was painful, it was mutual and as amicable as breakups can be. He was moving to another state to finish his PhD and my career was taking off in California. We did not see a future together as a couple so we decided to end things. About a year and a half ago he reached out to me and we resumed our friendship, emailing and talking a few times a month. He is still in another state, so we have not seen each other.

I ran into a former colleague last week and we were catching up, talking about who we kept in touch with from our former job. She asked me if I went to my ex’s wedding!? She recently “friended” him on Facebook (I should add I’m not on Facebook, I know one of the few, and he knows that) and saw he is married. I used a friend’s Facebook account to check out his profile. He has been married for two years, presumably happily form the photos, but we all know that means nothing. I just think that it is odd that he has been married the entire time we have been talking and he never told me. Our conversations are purely platonic, but are far from trivial and he mentioned he considers me to be one of his closest friends. Clearly we are not that close since he failed to mention he is married! I have no problem that he is married, and he knows me well enough to know that I would be happy for him and it would not hurt my feelings at all. Why do you think he has not told me? Of course the only way to find out is to ask him, which I plan to do, but I respect your opinion and am curious what you think.

I’m a big fan of your blog – thank you for all that you do.

Confused in California

Comment: A married man failed to mention he was married? No way!

Definitely ask him. You’ll get your answer as to why. I really don’t know. You’ve been talking a few times a month for the last 18 months and relationship stuff has never come up with this guy? He’s never had a story that involved his wife? What do you guys talk about? If any of your talks revolve around your past relationship, etc then he’s purposely hiding it because he wants to see if there’s some sort of chance with you.

If you just started talking to the guy a week ago, it’d make sense. 18 months and he’s never once mentioned his wife? Guy is shady. I’m sure his wife would be thrilled about that. Just ask him next time you talk to him, and say a mutual friend saw that you were married, I’m surprised you never brought that up. Everything ok? Then see how much he squirms.
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Send all links and emails to: steve@realitysteve.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you tonight.

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39 Comments

39 Comments

  1. mush

    March 12, 2015 at 10:46 AM

    about britt being bachelorette, i just dont see why any guy who watched the show would want her. besides all the crying, its the the bitchy caddy judgemental attitude toward chris soules for being on a date with kaityln who skinny dipped. remember how she chastized him for “rewarding inappropriate behaviour”? why would any guy want to get involved in that? britt even tried to make chris feel bad for that date by saying other girls in the house are questioning his intentions. what a bitch! why wouldnt a guy want to skinny dip, tell jokes, make out, laugh, make out and have a good time?

  2. mush

    March 12, 2015 at 10:53 AM

    to see the real Ashley S watch the interview michelle money did with her, ashely i, jillian and samantha on michellemoney’s youtube. shes just a silly person, uncomfortable in front of the cameras.

  3. angelfish

    March 12, 2015 at 11:58 AM

    Regarding the letter from the friend of “Lacy”, her mom needs to take a beat and stop watching True Crime TV shows. The Asian fiance’ can’t just whisk her out of the country without warning. That’s called kidnapping. And Lacy would also need both a valid passport and a Visa to leave the country, neither of which can’t be gotten instantly.

    Lacy sounds like a flake and honestly mom should be more worried about the state of her daughter’s mental health than the fiance’s vague plans.

  4. olestinker

    March 12, 2015 at 12:20 PM

    Alright Britt, time to lay some signature “just long enough so that he thinks i totally want to sleep with him” hugs on 13 guys.

  5. Amanda

    March 12, 2015 at 12:25 PM

    It sounds like the people who are so concerned about “Lacy” are racist/xenophobic and are trying to couch it as a legitimate concern.

    For the woman who lost 100 lbs: don’t be so hard on yourself. Most women do not have perfect naked bodies. Have you ever even seen any “real” naked female bodies (i.e. not strippers or porn stars)? Good on you for loving yourself enough to lose the weight. Be proud of that! If you feel like you need to warn people, go right ahead, but I’m sure you’re your harshest critic.

    Being an attractive woman who is single and looking is a double-edged sword at times. Yes, it’s easier to attract men, but you also attract men who only really like you because they think you’re pretty/hot/whatever and then you have to weed them out because you can’t base an entire meaningful relationship on that.

  6. angelfish

    March 12, 2015 at 12:30 PM

    Good point Amanda, about the “concern” for Lacy. Obviously she’s an adult, but mom doesn’t seem to trust her decision on whom to marry. Definitely sounds like the Asian part is key or else the letter writer wouldn’t have even mentioned it. “Damn furriners a’comin’ here to steal our wimmenfolk!”

  7. rob22

    March 12, 2015 at 1:56 PM

    I think the whole “I won’t watch The Bachelor if it’s Britt/Kaitlyn” is hysterical… especially the idea that it will impact ratings. Anyone that is that cray-cray that they’d not watch the show because the wrong Bachelorette gets picked (and I suppose they’ll hold their breath until they turn blue too) lives on the show’s lunatic fringe. Yeah, I get that they’re out there, but it’s a small, small percentage. I think most of the comments we read like that are just venting from people who have a preference. But people who will actually follow through and not watch the show?? That’s a Tiny percentage of nut bags. Not even worth mentioning. Don’t forget, 25,000 nut bags (and I doubt it’s that many) don’t even move the needle when you’re talking about viewership of 7M. That’s like 1/3 of a percent. That stuff makes me laugh.

    Now if people tune in and it’s a snoozer, and people don’t buy in & get invested in any of the contestants or the Bachelorette, then THAT could impact ratings. The Bachelorette has had an incredible run. But some day they’ll miss and it will be the beginning of the end. It’s hard to imagine, though, because you’d think a season like Juan Pah-Blow, and obvious tool with zero serious interest in the girls or even feigning interest, would have tanked & it didn’t.

  8. mush

    March 12, 2015 at 2:12 PM

    i didnt watch because it was andi. im a nut bag. can we not insult each other? but i guess thats the kind of audience this show brings.

  9. mush

    March 12, 2015 at 2:15 PM

    also, dont forget something very important. how we watch tv has changed. i come here for the dialogue, i go to steve for spoilers. i go to ihategreenbeans for the funny commentary. i dont watch the show, only but some clips that the producers upload to their youtube channel (which is gone, btw). i cant be alone in “watching” the show like this. and i see this way of “watching” growing.

  10. elizabeth82

    March 12, 2015 at 2:21 PM

    @rob22, I’m not on the show’s lunatic fringe and I boycotted seasons of “The Bachelor”: Brad 2.0 because been there done that and dude needed therapy not another season of this show, and these because I didn’t like them from when they were on “The Bachelorette”: Jason, Jake, and Juan Pablo. I’d do the same for Britt: this show’s a big time commitment and there are too many good books out there to watch a lead of this show that I don’t like. Just sayin. (And it’s kinda like voting–it may mean nothing, or maybe it’ll make a difference.)

  11. angelfish

    March 12, 2015 at 2:49 PM

    “Boycotting” the show and then going on message boards to proclaim your stance, always has the ring of “I’m so much better than you because I won’t lower myself to watch such trash/crying girls/boring guy”.

    Why bother even talking about it or reading about it if it’s beneath you? If you come here to comment, SOMETHING about it attracts you.

    It’s like proclaiming you don’t eat chocolate, but you greedily lick the wrapper.

  12. fcew

    March 12, 2015 at 3:00 PM

    What elizabeth82 said. I only started watching because I heard that Juan Pablo was a d-bag, and got dumped by three girls, which apparently is a lot for the Bachelor franchise. I hadn’t watched since Trista went on The Bachelorette. I watched Andi, but didnt find her very interesting, but I liked Chris. So I watched his season. I’m invested enough in Kaitlyn and her story (plus I think she is hysterical) to watch her show, but I will vote with my viewing if Britt is on – my husband would be super relieved to hear that I wasn’t watching this next season and am giving the franchise a break. I’m not doing it to be vindictive, I’m doing it because I don’t give two poos about Britt or her character finding “lurve”. I’d rather watch paint dry.

  13. vessel

    March 12, 2015 at 3:48 PM

    Yeah I agree that many people pick and choose who they watch based on if they like them or think they’ll be interesting. The only lunatics are the ones who proclaim “I won’t be watching if ______ is cast!” on social media actually believing ABC cares and might be influenced by this. I know they’re not. And yeah it’s doubtful I’ll watch if it’s Britt. I’ll still read here and I Hate Greenbeans, etc. but why watch someone who irritates you two hours every week? I slogged through Desiree’s season and wished I hadn’t wasted my time. Why make that mistake again unless the lead is someone likable to me? I might change my mind if I read that it’s a really good season despite her, though. We shall see.

  14. keddo

    March 12, 2015 at 3:55 PM

    Former Fat Friend,
    What about a swimming/beach/boating date of some kind early in your relationship where you wear a swim suit that doesn’t hide what he might “need” to see. He can make an informed decision before feelings get too strong, and you might get a good indication just from his body language where his mind might be and either be able to open yourself up more to him, or brace for the brush-off.
    Another thing I would suggest is to keep an open mind when it comes to the men you choose to date. I am sure that there are just as many excellent guys out there who can check off all your boxes except for some equally superficial thing, such as age, height, or hair loss that becomes far less important once you get to know them.

  15. justforfun

    March 12, 2015 at 4:25 PM

    @vessel, completely agree. I was so bored watching Des’s season that I tuned out until the very end. I will watch the bachelor no matter who it is because the women bring the entertainment & drama. Not the case with the men on the Bachelorette. I won’t be boycotting the show if Britt is chosen, will just choose not to watch. I don’t think that makes me lunatic fringe for not watching someone I find extremely annoying.

  16. jay2

    March 12, 2015 at 6:35 PM

    @ Confused in Miami: so glad to hear that you are moving on. I know it’s really, really hard, particularly because you were head over heels with him. My advice: be kind to yourself, allow yourself to mourn/grieve the end of the relationship so that you are ready to put it in your past and move forward with someone else. He may divorce and look for you in the near future, you never know, but if that happens, at least he didn’t divorce because of you, otherwise he will forever bring it up during fights. You deserve a single man who is for you and only for you, you will find him.
    Google how to get over a breakup/mend a broken heart, there are plenty of links from psychology magazines, etc and I think they are pretty good. They will tell you to do things that you used enjoy and they have suggestions on how to go through this process. Good luck!

  17. loquacious39

    March 12, 2015 at 7:58 PM

    Like I mentioned earlier, I wish we didn’t have Bachelorette shows. Men are infinitely more interesting The only season I liked was Trista’s. These people profess to boycott a season with Britt but they sure tuned in every week to see what she would do next. Kaitlin is as boring as Andi was.

  18. cjscjs711

    March 12, 2015 at 8:21 PM

    Kaitlyn’s supporters have reason to be upset – they thought their girl had it in the bag, then ABC threw this curve. And so they express their complaints. Now their candidate could lose!

    Britt’s supporters are not so upset! Their girl is getting a chance. Not so motivated to write.

    How many times did we read, “If they choose Chris instead of Arie, I won’t watch!” How many times and how vehemently? A lot. These are threats and they apparently don’t matter. No matter who is chosen, a LOT of people will be upset. And look at Chris’ season – it was the women who ‘made’ the season. Him, his personality, barely at all.

    Why would there be weeks filled with crying if Britt were Bachelorette? If someone hurts Britt’s feelings, she can just send him home. There will be no other women there to act like they’re her friends to her face, then try to sabotage her behind her back. She’ll be the ONLY woman after night one.

    She cried more about the women’s duplicity toward her than losing Chris. I felt for her. In most cases, it was Chris the women had an issue with but unlike her, they did not confront him with it. Instead, they showed their hostility not to him but to her. When Britt had an issue with Chris about Kaitlyn taking her bottoms off, she went to him about it. Knowing it was a risk.

    She had trouble with the format. She said it at least twice: Chris would seem to have a deep connection with her, then turn to someone else and connect with her. First time she said it to him was on that first night of extreme girl-kissing/saliva swapping by Chris. It was not realistic on her part to think he could keep giving the rose on group dates to her, given the show’s requirement to string everyone along for the ride for as long as possible.

    I’ll watch either way, but my first impression was to like Britt and thinking about it overall, I still do. Kaitlyn is the non-threatening, gal pal, but not even very romantic and pretty guarded with her feelings, unless it’s humor. Do I look forward to a season of her over-done laughing at off-color jokes and remarks (ala Jimmy Kimmel’s)? NO. I’d rather watch Britt, but I’ll be there either way…

  19. momma3j

    March 12, 2015 at 8:27 PM

    I still stand by what I said on a different post: if Britt is cast as the lead, i will not watch this season. Like others said above, why would I waste two hours every Monday to watch someone I can’t stand? I have ended friendships IRL with people whose personality clashes with mine. I certainly won’t be “entertained” by a total stranger for an entire season that falls in the category of a toxic individual. @rob22, it actually would make me a nut bag for subjecting myself to the torture, not staying away from it. duh

  20. allusernamestaken

    March 12, 2015 at 10:36 PM

    i don’t know why Steve Carbone has a hard on for britt… on wait, i do.. that is why he is single! i love his blog and commentary, but honestly, every season he seems to like a certain type. It is not a big deal, but he needs to realize that maybe if he found a different type of girl he wouldn’t be 40 and single. Kaitlyn is hilarious and my husband and I always find her the best. I actually don’t find Britt attractive in the slightest. Her head is too big, weird body, boring personality and too hippiesh for me. She does have great hair, so +6 on that!!! Good luck Steve, but I think many people will agree with me that Kaitlyn is petite, but with muscle. Pretty face, great personality… her hair may not be the best, but her style is on point!
    have fun at your 40th and I wish you luck as you enter the next 10years of your life. You say you are into sports and watch basketball/football yet you are not into the type of girl that you can kick it with!

  21. justforfun

    March 12, 2015 at 10:53 PM

    I do find the posters here to be a rational group, able to calmly state their views without attacking others that don’t feel the same way. There are some real nut job rabid fans on twitter & instagram. Yikes!
    I just watched Kimmel, and while interviewing Sean Penn, Sean admitted to being a bachelor fan, and he is team Kaitlyn! 🙂
    I have a feeling Kaitlyn will get the gig. The producers would be crazy not to go with the one *most* of the fans want. I guess we will know soon.

  22. bachfan30

    March 13, 2015 at 3:38 AM

    Loved when Sean Penn stated he was #teamkaitlyn!!!

  23. beebifidum

    March 13, 2015 at 4:32 AM

    As a guy, my perspective is that Britt seems to ‘not have grown up’ emotionally because its clear that she thinks its acceptable to either throw a hissy fit or cry every time something goes wrong in her life.

    This is a Big Red Flag for nearly every guy out there who is really looking for a long term partner.

    The only way that I think the new Bachelorette season’s guys might choose Britt over Kaitlyn is if (1) they didn’t watch the WTA or the last episode that Britt was on to get an idea of what she can be like when she’s not happy, (2) they are just on the show to promote themselves and have no interest in finding anyone for a LTR so they might as well pick the woman who flirts better, (3) they’re tools who will do whatever they’re told to do by the producers, and are told to pick Britt.

    I don’t think Britt is bad, per se. Its just that somehow she never developed the character to realize when its ok to show you’re upset, and when its better to keep things a bit under wraps even when you’re having a bad time. Imagine the horror this show would have been had there been 25 women who ALL cry as readily as Britt did when she got upset…yikes.

  24. hattiebloom

    March 13, 2015 at 7:17 AM

    Oooooohhhhh Nooooooo @allusernamestaken, be careful what you say about Stevie boy, he’ll block you from posting if you insult him too much.

  25. meredith27

    March 13, 2015 at 7:33 AM

    I’m not sure I understand why people are saying there is so much support for Kaitlyn. I see so much MORE support for Britt! The things people are saying about Britt make for GREAT television and ratings. Regardless of whether you like her or not the show needs her. Kaitlyn will not get good ratings. Do you really think Sean Penn is going to watch the show? HELLO!!!!!!!!

  26. vessel

    March 13, 2015 at 8:19 AM

    There is no way to predict what kind of ratings Kaitlyn, or Britt would get. To make assumptions based on personal preference is really kind of silly.

  27. mush

    March 13, 2015 at 9:52 AM

    guys, dont forget, steve doesnt read these comments. this forum is just for us to discuss. youll have to email him to get his attention. and i think kaitlyn will bring ratings. of course she will. heres a topic for discusion: with all the public support for kaitlyn (anna kendrick, sean penn, sean lowe, etc, etc) and the studio audience at the after the final rose cheering for kaitlyn and even booking britt, how could abc not put kaitlyn in the role. theyll create a very negative feeling in their viewers which theyve never done before a season even started. heres the question. i wonder if abc didnt contractually promise the role to britt (seems obvious after the first episode that she was cast as the next bachelorette) and then try to rescind once they saw her performance on the show and viewer reaction, but couldnt legally. so their way out of having britt is this duel bachelorette idea in which both girls get paid whether they are chosen or not. ill email steve about this too.

  28. hattiebloom

    March 13, 2015 at 10:40 AM

    Trust me @mush…..Steve reads the comments despite what he may claim.

  29. angelfish

    March 13, 2015 at 11:22 AM

    Steve may read the comments, but he’s never blocked any posters, censored or berated anybody for what they put here in the comments section.

    Now mocking and insulting the emails he gets is a different story. One of the reasons I’m a huge fan!

  30. vessel

    March 13, 2015 at 11:39 AM

    @Mush it’s an interesting idea, please definitely email Steve. I’d like to hear his opinion on that.

  31. meredith27

    March 13, 2015 at 1:17 PM

    Mush – I tend to think the opposite based on Kaitlyn’s comment “it’s not ideal” and Britt seemed so happy

  32. nesai

    March 13, 2015 at 5:00 PM

    I don’t see the survey with the 25 men credible. The men that are going on the show are looking for wife material. They should interview 25 men that are ready to settle down. As Kaitlyn getting the popularity vote from celebs. I don’t think they are credible either. For example; Ana Kendrick has 375mil followers on tweeter, but only 14k people favorite her tweet for #TeamKaitlyn. That doesn’t represent the whole bachelor nation. Which looking at ratings is about 6-8 million viewers. I feel it’s more like a clique for the Kaitlyn campaign people are just solely agreeing with all these popular people to bash someone.

    I don’t think Britt deserve all that hate. They are both beautiful and strong women. They wouldn’t have signed up for it if they couldn’t handle the rejection or the controversy against them. I hope Britt gets the gig. I want to see if she will be able to represent herself in a better light or see if confirms the judgement people say that she is fake. With more footage of her as the Bachelorette.

    As for Kaitlyn, yeah she’s fun, but that’s all I see fun. I don’t think she can hold her own on the show. Especially with 25 men. With Chris season she only got to where she got due to promise of sexual innuendo. Her comments “you can plow me anytime” and pulling off her bikini bottom only shows the immaturity. I didn’t even know who Kaitlyn was up until she became the final 3. Chris only wanted sex with her in the FS. He didn’t care about her feelings. To take her aside and talk to her like he took Becca aside. Don’t get me wrong I love Kaitlyn style and her joking nature, but I don’t see her falling in love and opening up to the guys.

  33. nesai

    March 13, 2015 at 5:14 PM

    I mean 3.75mil followers*

  34. nesai

    March 13, 2015 at 5:25 PM

    Kaitlyn kind of messed it up for herself. Getting too cocky. Setting up photoshoots to make her look like she’s already bachelorette before the announcement. She seems too entitled to that role which is due to all the press she’s getting for it. I feel Britt was gracious and appreciative for the opportunity. She seems more humble than Kaitlyn. Who’s just spiteful and even bitter. She haven’t moved on and let go of the last season with Chris regarding the stunts Britt pulled when it came to her. Britt needs to be more self aware of her actions, but she did apologize. She’s the type to speak before thinking. Her jumping and cutting people off mid sentence. Doesn’t show maturity either.

  35. mush

    March 13, 2015 at 10:10 PM

    kaitlyn did what the producers told her to do, photoshoots. she tweeted what the producers told her to tweet. people magazine or whoever did the photos tweeted out a pic of her photoshoot. how is any of this kaityn being cocky? so strange. and britt is NOT humble. so many reasons why she isnt, but i just cant bother anymore about britt.

  36. wavecatchingmom

    March 14, 2015 at 8:36 AM

    I know Steve is offline, but does anyone remember the fictional show that is going to be about the bachelor behind the scenes? He posted it a month or so ago, and I can’t comb through posts to find it. I want to make sure and bookmark that – not sure when it is airing. It was about the same time he introduced the DRATCH.

  37. hattiebloom

    March 14, 2015 at 9:18 AM

    @angelfish posted “Steve may read the comments, but he’s never blocked any posters, censored or berated anybody for what they put here in the comments ”

    How would we know if Steve blocks people since they would no longer be able to post? He in fact did block a friend of mine and claimed the only way he knew she was saying rude comments about him was because other readers were “complaining” and his “moderator” pointed it out.

    Regardless of what he says he does…..getting kicked off this site was certainly good for a few laughs.

  38. jacquibk

    March 15, 2015 at 5:59 AM

    Not true at all, I received a personal email from Steve asking me not to post certain things. So, he or his moderator read the post, forwarded it to Steve and I received the “request”. Don’t assume you know everything @angelfish.

  39. hattiebloom

    March 15, 2015 at 3:14 PM

    Steve pretty much has to claim he doesn’t read these comments, otherwise he’d subject himself to questions and answers via the comment board and it would add another layer of communication that he doesn’t want…..understandably.

    Having said that, to think any blogger or Steve doesn’t read the comments is naive. There is no other way to gauge the temperature of your writing or gather feedback on tone. Steve reads these comments….no doubt. And there’s no “moderator” either…..but it does tickle me that he claims there is one.

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