The Bachelorette 11 - Kaitlyn/Britt

“Bachelorette” Bio Breakdown, Look-a-Likes and the Latest News on Your Spoilers

Well we had a fun two month run with “Daily Links” but that now goes on the back burner until “Bachelor in Paradise” ends airing in September. From now until mid September, we are in full “Bachelorette” and “Bachelor in Paradise” mode. So starting Monday, we are back to three columns a week with episode recaps on Tuesday, “Reader Emails” on Wednesday, “Dr. Reality Steve” on Thursday, along with the return of the live video chats on Thursday nights. I’ve had my fun for the last two months but now it’s time to get back to work. Although this season has been challenging and filmed a tad differently than past seasons once they whittled the guys down, it still didn’t prevent me from getting the spoilers. I heard the ending of the show over the weekend while I was in California. I believe it to be true, but I don’t report just anything. I obviously want to make sure everything is right and I can get it confirmed from more than one place. I expect that to happen within the next couple days, so I can tell you right now you will have your episode-by-episode spoilers next Monday, the day of the premiere. Gives me time to put everything together and double check with all my sources. They really changed up the filming this season towards the end, which is why social media went silent after getting so much for the first six episodes. But just because stuff wasn’t spoiled publicly, doesn’t mean I didn’t find out what happened. You don’t come to this site for speculation or what it MIGHT be. You want to know exactly what happens. That’s what I will deliver to you next Monday.

Now I understand some of you want every detail right this second, but you need to understand something. I’m not going to post something on the first bit of information I hear. I wouldn’t be doing my job if I did that, and I would’ve had plenty more wrong than right over the years if I did. Do you want me to post stuff that could possibly be wrong? Of course not. Those who have followed for the last 5 years know my track record and know that when I post spoilers, way more often than not, it’s exactly what you’ll see play out on TV. This season is no different. Whether I post it the day I hear it, or next Monday, either way it will be solid information. Will I be able to prove it? Of course not. But I’ve really never been able to prove anything I spoil and pretty much all of it ends up happening. This spoiler will be doubted as well and that’s fine. Like I say every season, on July 27th, I’ll be vindicated. I’ve come to expect it now. Doesn’t change how solid the info is, so look for your episode-by-episode spoilers next Monday.

With the bios getting released yesterday, it usually means the first episode made available to the media will follow shortly. Once I’m able to view that, I will recap it for you here. It hasn’t been posted yet, so I can’t give an exact time on when it’s going up. I’m not sure, but it’s always within one or two days of the bios going up so bear with me.

This season I was able to give you 23 of the 25 guys before ABC released the bios yesterday, so check out Kaitlyn’s Guys if you haven’t by now. As mentioned, ABC released the bios yesterday and there are some doozies. Chris Harrison also gave his “5 Guys To Watch” as he does every season, wanting you to focus on certain guys. Is this a telling sign of anything? Maybe. Maybe not. Just know that last season Whitney was in his top 5 girls to watch. The season before that, Josh was in Andi’s top 5 guys to watch. Hmmmmmmmmm. Anyway, as I do every season, I’m gonna have a little fun with these bios today, followed by look-a-likes for half of these guys. It’s pure genius if you ask me. Enjoy…

Ben Higgins

BenH

Very first bio and already a guy is talking about how his biggest date fear is “eating something that doesn’t agree with my stomach.” Can we just universally say that’s automatically part of everyone’s fear during a date? Can’t people think of something more original?

He got cute with his answer about what marriage means to him. “It’s a total sacrifice. Marriage is about commitment to another person and total sacrifice to fulfill that commitment.” That’s a lot of sacrifice and commitment in there. Quite repetitive. Basically Ben just gave an answer that he thinks women want to hear.

Ben also wants to be Batman because “he’s a bad ass.” He’s also not real, you do know that, right Ben?

Ben Zorn

BenZ

He’s pretty proud of the fact he got his trainers license after studying his butt off. Congrats Ben. Now go work for 24 Hr Fitness and completely overcharge people for being their personal trainer.

Another guy getting cute with his thoughts on marriage. All I needed to do was read his first sentence where he said marriage was “finding the person that completes you” and realized he’d seen Jerry Maguire one too many times.

Bradley Cox

Bradley

Likes Will Ferrell movies yet has a date fear of women not understanding or being able to handle his sarcasm. Or on the flip side, maybe you’re not remotely funny. Ever think of that?

Played Division 1 college tennis and was an All-American. Yet instead of trying to make it on the ATP Tour, here he is a few years later trying to nab a future ex-fiance and failing miserably not having made it past the first night.

Brady Toops

Brady

Brady and Chris Soules have the exact same date fear. You guessed it. “Explosive diarrhea.” Wonderful. How many people has this actually happened to. I’ve been on this earth almost 40 years and it’s never happened to me once. Never really close either. But of course now that I say that, I’m sure the next date I go on it will happen.

Brady says he admires Chris Martin from Coldplay the most for “his creativity, humility, charisma, and wit.” But no mention whatsoever of dumping that old sack of potatoes Gwyneth Paltrow and trading way up for Jennifer Lawrence? C’mon Brady. You’re better than that.

Chris Strandburg

Chris

Here’s an interesting one. Biggest date fear? “A girl tries to eat my food.” Gee sorry Mr. Anal Retentive. What’s wrong if she had a couple of your fries? Does that make her the worst person ever? Easy up, Doc.

Chris likes low key bars as opposed to the hot spots because “hot spots are designed for attractive young women and unattractive old men.” Well that part he’s pretty accurate on. But hey, once you start wowing people with your knowledge on molars and bondings, all the ladies will come flocking to you.

Clint Arlis

Clint

He’s the second guy so far to mention Gladiator as his favorite movie. Must make him a manly man or something. A rather boring bio to say the least. Admires his dad, wants to be Chuck Norris, thinks marriage is a “partnership with your best friend,” and has no tattoos. That’s great Clint. Except acting like a complete ass hat on the show makes this bio sound 100% opposite of how you portrayed yourself.

Corey Stansell

Corey

He wants you to know he has tattoos “but they’re small.” Soooo, like a butterfly on your toe? A star on the back of your shoulder? What are we talking about here?

A rather interesting superpower he chose. He wants to be able to do everything in the world without needing sleep and not lose his health or fitness. Is that really a superpower? Corey I think they want you to say like “ability to fly,” or “x ray vision,” or “run like ‘The Flash’.” This “I want to do anything and everything all day and never sleep” is preposterous and you ruined the whole question.

Cory Shivar

Cory

Probably the worst bio ever filled out. All one sentence answers. However he does have a giant fear that his date will turn out to be a dude. Then maybe you should lay off the tranny websites, eh Cory?

Think this guy has an ego? When asked if he could be someone else for a day, he said he’d want to be his younger self. Translation: I was really cool and popular back then and, well, now I’m not so I’d love to re-live my glory days.

Daniel Finney

Daniel

Most outrageous thing he’s done is bike across America from Virginia to Oregon, which is pretty impressive. Like a bike where you pedal or a motorcycle. Please specify Daniel so I don’t overhype you.

The most romantic present he’s ever received was “support and love. Buying stuff is easy.” Ok Daniel, answer the f***ing question and stop being cute. “Support and love” isn’t romantic. They want to know what specific things you received was romantic. Like something you can touch. You can’t touch support. You can’t touch love. Unless you’re loving on yourself.

David

David

A lot of these guys are really into the manly men movies. First there was “Gladiator,” and now David is all about “300” and “Fight Club.” You realize that basically 1% of the female audience even knows or cares about those movies right, David? Just start BS’ing with the “Notebook” and “The Fault in Our Stars” and women’s underwear will be at your doorstep in no time.

Safe to say David is obsessed with Brad Pitt. He wants to have lunch with him so he can hear his crazy stories and “teach me a thing or two about charming women.” Oh, you mean how he cheated on Jennifer while filming “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” with Angelina? Yes David. Go learn how to do that.

Ian Thomson

Ian

He likes to build things for his romantic gifts that he gives out. He once gave a girl a “clock with a picture in the background.” Damn man. That’s completely and utterly boring as f**k. And she actually liked that? Who really looks at clocks anymore? Our phones have our whole lives on them. I don’t think girls care about clocks. Without the “l” and the “k,” THAT they care about. But clocks? No.

He also wants to have lunch with Jimmy Kimmel. Oooooohhhhh so close Ian. You missed it by a season. If only you were last season’s “Bachelor,” then you could’ve hung out in a hot tub with him and Kaitlyn. Maybe next time.

Jared Haibon

Jared

I think I like Jared. You know why? He had ZERO date fears. Nothing about bad conversation. Nothing about bowel movements. Nothing about how she’s rude and disrespectful. Nothing. Jared is afraid of nothing. You go Jared.

Greatest achievement to date? “For the past six years, I’ve been a volunteer at a week long summer camp for children with cancer.” And now everyone reading this feels like sh** for not doing anything of the such. Thanks a lot Jared. Now I hate you.

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21 Comments

21 Comments

  1. erin4

    May 12, 2015 at 10:09 AM

    Daniel Finney and Shia Labeouf?

  2. angelfish

    May 12, 2015 at 12:24 PM

    Production must have gotten a really good deal on men’s V-neck T shirts. Not a single crew neck in the bunch, though Joe did score a Henley.

    And millions of women know how hot Maximus (Russell Crowe) was in Gladiator, how hot Leonidas (Gerard Butler) was in 300 and how hot Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) was in Fight Club. Seriously. We knew exactly who they were.

  3. ifucsam

    May 12, 2015 at 3:06 PM

    Ryan Beckett is pretty much the only one I find attractive. Either these guys take terrible photos or they’re all duds. Brady Toops and Joe Baily are the worst looking in my personal opinion. Oh and the amateur sex coach dude who looks like worse version of ian ziering. Gross.

  4. bitsyvonbusty

    May 12, 2015 at 5:47 PM

    Totally agree….they all look plastic and waxy.

    Joe Bailey looks like a homeless version of Cameron Mathison. How insulting to Cameron.

    Maybe Britt was the winner after all.

  5. angelfish

    May 12, 2015 at 7:02 PM

    Cory Shivar looks like a very buff Daniel Tosh. Lot’s of very pointy noses in those photos.

    Chris Harrison is more handsome to me than any of this bunch. They better bring some serious personality and drama, because they are coming up short for me in the looks department.

  6. elizabeth82

    May 12, 2015 at 8:01 PM

    I do like how Shawn Booth’s personality and humor comes through in his bio answers. Maybe he’d be a good fit for Kaitlyn. Sorta liked Tony’s looks but agree with Steve about the “hella.” It’s been years since I’ve actually heard someone use that (and even then it was dumb).

  7. justforfun

    May 12, 2015 at 8:15 PM

    I’m only commenting to tell RS that the mobile site is still redirecting me to dumb ads for Farmville, and other gaming sites. Ugh. It was so bad I could never get to the third page of today’s column. I kept getting redirected, and when I hit the back button it went to page 2. Grrrrrrrrrrr Get rid of these scammy ads RS!!!!!

  8. jest002

    May 12, 2015 at 10:05 PM

    I’d call Shawn Booth a more rugged version of Ryan Gosling. Saying poor man’s version makes it seem like he isn’t attractive, and I do think he is. And for some reason, I also like Jared, but I feel he won’t last.

    I’m bummed over the Nick thing. I feel like Kaitlyn should have said no, although I’m not sure it was really up to her. Then again, hearing he’s one of the last guys standing (possibly) is disappointing. I didn’t even watch Andi’s season, I just don’t like the idea of a former bachelor hopping on to another bachelorette’s season. But that’s the kind of drama they dream of.

    Like you say, if it was never going to be Britt, I feel Brady was planted there knowingly. Why weren’t his concerts canceled in Australia if he planned on seeing the whole season through?

  9. jest002

    May 12, 2015 at 10:11 PM

    @erin4 “Daniel Finney and Shia Labeouf?”

    I see it. How about a mix of Shia Labeouf & Jason Priestley?

  10. missannmcd

    May 13, 2015 at 12:12 AM

    @angelfish: Hook nose Chris Harrison? Really? Yuckers.Puke.Etc. LOL!

  11. veno

    May 13, 2015 at 3:56 AM

    I’m glad Kaitlyn is the bachelorette now haha these guys are fugly, but lets hope it’s just these horrible photographs

  12. rob22

    May 13, 2015 at 7:05 AM

    I find it funny that a lot of these losers are “personal trainers”. What that typically means is that the guy spent 2-3 hours a day during high scool in a gym channeling his inner meathead, or was a pro sports wannabe that peaked & now has no real idea how to do anything else. I’m a gym rat, so I’ve used some of these guys. Some are pretty good and have shown me a thing, or two. But for the most part, there are only so many resistance exercises and so many cardio options. I think it’s funny that they’re all going back to the boot camp style now, probably because weight machines and cardio machines are pretty brain dead easy to use without help. So, yeah, it’s really groundbreaking to yell at a bunch of overweight middle age people while they do a bunch of pushups and situps, punctuated by some running, lunges and planks. Genius stuff. I can’t believe how much people pay to do exercises that you could do in your own back yard or living room. And I look at the participants and they don’t seem to be losing any weight either. It’s a good thing that personal trainers don’t get paid for results. To me, this is one of the laziest default jobs on the planet. At least if you date one of these people you don’t have to worry about them becoming workaholics.

  13. serapa

    May 13, 2015 at 7:19 AM

    These guys are hideous!!! Seriously! They could have picked a better looking bunch of guys. There were only 2 that I thought were somewhat cute.

    Brit got off easy on this group….yuck!

  14. serapa

    May 13, 2015 at 7:22 AM

    Maybe they picked ugly guys so they could get what’s his face back…the hot ex-baseball Josh dude. Now I could watch him half naked for 3 months!!!

  15. coffeeinchicago

    May 13, 2015 at 7:43 AM

    None of these dudes are extremely good looking, but I feel like they do all look like guys Kait would date in real life. Kait is cute, but still has that low rent/not Britt or Emily Maynard thing going on.

  16. rob22

    May 13, 2015 at 8:17 AM

    Typically, they’d edit Kaitlyn in the best possible light. But, really she was the potty mouthed tatted up chick that was kinda funny. Maybe the girl you bed down after a late night at the bar, and later regret it. But, not really girlfriend material. They’ve got their work cut out for them crafting a new image and story line. Or, I guess, they could go for the Juan Pah-blow or Ben Slapdick train wreck scenario. Horrific & bloody, not flattering to the lead, but you can’t look away. Based on the guys bios, it looks like they’re going with the train wreck.

  17. bitsyvonbusty

    May 13, 2015 at 8:35 AM

    Well aren’t you one for the insults @rob22.

    I was a personal trainer for 8 years. I owned my own studio and would you believe, I also have a college degree. There are many different ways to become certified as a trainer with some certs much easier to obtain than others.

    Personal trainers run the gamut of smart and dedicated to meatheads who know nothing other than moving iron. I guess that range doesn’t differ from any job in the service industry.

    Our purpose…or at least mine…was to help someone who needed motivation and direction. Of course you could do these exercises on your own, but many people need supervision with form, but more importantly, they need to be pushed and held accountable. Something they can’t do on their own.

    I worked my ass off in that job. I had to be “on” for every person who walked through the door. I had to feign interest in their personal lives, despite some people treating me like I was “the help.” I had to have an array of subjects in which to converse about. I also had to keep things interesting, accommodate injuries and listen to a lot of whining.

    If you do it well, it’s not an easy job. Is it rocket science? Of course not. To paint such a broad stroke and insinuate that trainers are a bunch of losers makes you sound like an out of touch snob.

  18. vessel

    May 13, 2015 at 9:44 AM

    I agree that this crop of guys is not very attractive on the whole, especially compared to seasons past. Interesting that Britt ended up with one of the ugliest guys in the bunch, yuck.

    @jest002 Brady didn’t cancel his Australia concerts for the same reason Sharleen didn’t cancel her concerts during JP’s season. He never would have completed the season. If he was still hanging around when it got close to concert time he would have voluntarily left like Sharleen did.

  19. punk

    May 13, 2015 at 9:46 AM

    Is this new season titled “CroMagManPolooza”? What a group of meat heads.

    Hey Fleiss, you seriously overdid it with the roids and HGH with this group of guys. Not really a normal, just fit dude in teh bunch.

  20. rob22

    May 13, 2015 at 10:43 AM

    @bitsyvonbusty: like I said, I had a couple of personal trainers that were helpful and showed me a thing, or two & especially solved some issues I was having getting injured. They had solutions for every problem. So, yes, there are personal trainers that bust their tail & actually know something. My point was that there are a whole bunch of personal trainers that are good for pretty much nothing, offer zero input or helpful workout tips & sit on their butts 75% of the day. So, if you disagree with the percentage, fine, but I never said there were zero good personal trainers. I suspect that the guys on this show fall into the “can’t do anything else” category.

  21. karynr

    May 14, 2015 at 6:53 AM

    I was looking at the guys pictures last night and thought most, if not all, were pretty meh looking. I just read these comments and I guess I’m not the only one disappointed that there are not more than a couple good looking ones in the bunch.

    I don’t see Kaitlyn as “low rent” or any of the other insulting comments about her, and find her much more likeable than the Britt I observed on The Bach.

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