Welcome back everyone! Hope you enjoyed your two month hiatus from all things “Bachelorette” related. Just know why you were off in your own little worlds, my nose was to the grindstone working feverishly to get you all your spoilers for this season. Ok, so maybe that’s a bit overexaggerated, but you get my point. Things started out quite easy this season as there were three public dates in the early going that we had pictures and information to on social media. However once the gang got to Ireland, that’s when they started to kinda fall off the radar and nothing was happening in the social media world in regards to the show. What happened? Well, that’s what I’m here for today. I told you 10 days ago I had the ending, nothing has changed since then, and with the show premiering tonight, you now have your episode-by-episode spoilers all tied up in one nice bow for you in this column. I explain exactly how the ending of the show went down as I’ve been teasing for a week now, it didn’t film like it normally does. And we can thank spoilers for that. Will it continue that way in the future? I don’t know. We won’t know until the next “Bachelor” season starts filming in September. Friday’s column had all your spoilers for tonight’s episode, but in case you’re checking this site for the first time in two months today, here it is again. Enjoy, and be sure to read everything in here. There’s A LOT to cover.
Episode 1: (Airing May 18th & 19th) Los Angeles, CA (25 to 19)
-9 guys got intro videos: Jonathan, Joe, Josh, Brady, Joshua, Ian, Jared, Tony, and Ben Z.
-Joe Bailey is from small town Columbia, KY and his accent is THICK. Like, thicker than we’ve probably ever heard on this show. Very, very, very country accent. He will be well liked this season and you can mark him down for “Bachelor in Paradise.” Heard he’s in. So yeah, he doesn’t win.
-Josh’s intro video was just as I had told you – filmed at a male strip club with women running their hands on him, one woman straddling him, him taking a dollar bill out of a woman’s mouth, and basically everything you’d expect to see out of a male stripper.
-Ian talked about his track days at Princeton but was also in a major car accident and almost died. He was in a coma for a day and a half.
-Tony is just an odd bird. He’s all into the zen meditation, tries to sound really deep when he isn’t, and he talks to his plants. Cuck-koo, Cuck-koo.
-In some of the vidoes, the guys would say which girl they were hoping would be the “Bachelorette.” Jonathan and Brady said in theirs they wanted Britt. Joshua, Joe, Ian, and Jared picked Kaitlyn. Tony, Ben Z., and Josh never said in their video which one they liked better.
-As for the limo entrances, they really did cut down on the gimmicks this season since each guy had to basically introduce himself to two girls. For pretty much all of the guys, you saw them greet both girls. The question would be, which girl would you go to first? Here’s the order of limo entrances on the show and in parentheses which girl they approached first. If they did anything noteworthy, that’s added in there as well.
Ben H. (Kaitlyn) – But when he went to Britt, he “lost his words” and both sponsor children, so that was a big deal to both of them.
Ryan B. (Britt)
Jared (Britt) – Unbuttoned his shirt to reveal a blue Superman shirt, except it had an “L” for “Love Man.”
As we all know, these limo entrances are shown out of the real order they actually happened, and once 6 of the first 7 guys they show all went to Britt first, you could tell they were setting Kaitlyn up to the be the underdog and making you think all the guys wanted Britt. During these first 7 entrances, Kaitlyn doing a lot of ITM’s about feeling uncomfortable and feeling that the guys all wanted Britt. Total misdirection since we all know what’s going to happen.
Cory S. (Kaitlyn)
Ian (Kaitlyn) – Even whispers in her ear “I’m hoping it’s gonna be you” before walking over to Britt. Ian is definitely TeamKaitlyn. He makes that quite known this episode.
JJ (Kaitlyn) – Being a hockey player and knowing Kaitlyn is from Canada (and has two ex’s who played hockey) went with the most creative entrance of the night, if not a little on the dirty side. Gave her a puck and said, “I would love to puck you.” To which she responded “You pucked me good.” He went over to Britt and apologized for not having a puck for her but did say he’d like to “puck her too.”
Ryan M. (Kaitlyn) – He was already sauced by the time he got out of the limos, so he probably doesn’t even remember who he went to first. He declared once he stepped out of the limo with arms wide spread, “Honeys, I’m home!” I think he even told Kaitlyn he was obsessed with her. Or maybe that was the alcohol talking.
Brad They never show his walk to the girls, we just see him talking to both of them who are right next to each other, so can’t really say who he went to first. But since he played tennis in college, he had on a headband and had a racket saying it was a “love love match.” Tennis humor. Always a knee slapper.
Daniel (Kaitlyn) – He was dancing.
Josh (Britt) – Unbuttoned his shirt, let the women feels his abs, tried to girnd up against both, may have passed on an STD.
Joe (Kaitlyn) – Gave her a jar of moonshine since he’s out of his element and this reminded him of home.
Justin (Kaitlyn) – Had balloons and sucked the helium out of them.
Tanner (Britt) – Watched last season, knew she cried a lot, so he brought her some tissues as a gift.
Shawn B. – Asked for a group hug so technically never went to one girl first. But lets make one thing perfectly clear this episode: Shawn B. is in love with Kaitlyn. Like from the first night. Told her “You are the reason why I’m here.” Definitely had the longest intro in terms of camera time out of the 25 guys.
At this point, Kaitlyn ran inside the mansion just to thank the guys and say a quick hello while Britt stayed outside. Britt’s ITM’s suggest that she thought maybe that was a little cheating on Kaitlyn’s part and maybe didn’t seem fair. Well, you certainly had the chance to do the same thing, but you chose to stay outside. You snooze, you lose.
Corey (Kaitlyn) – Says he plays competitive volleyball, he’s not a farmer, but “I was hoping the offer to plow your field is still on the table?” Kaitlyn enjoyed that.
Tony (Britt) – He says to her “I’ve been waiting for this moment for a while. I believe in love, real love & hope that universe provides.” Or something ridiculous like that. Cut to an ITM of Britt saying how into Tony she is. Then he walks over to Kaitlyn and says the exact same line. Britt: “Really? You say the same line to her?”
At this point, Ryan McDill is at the window of the mansion and banging on it because he’s drunk. Some of the quotes we hear at this point while he’s schmammered:
“I’m all horned up right now, you don’t even know what’s going on.”
“I’m horned up everybody.”
“I apologize for nothing. I’m sorry for being awesome.”
“I wanna date both of them, but because I’m selfish.”
“Hell, I’d like to take that girl out for a nice steak dinner and never call her again.”
Trust me, the Ryan McDill show is what everyone will be talking about come Tuesday morning. He is a one man wrecking crew this episode.
Shawn E. (Kaitlyn) – While Shawn is pulling up in his hot tub car, McDill has made his way outside and his sitting under a tree about 20 feet away from the girls. So when Shawn pulls up, Ryan blurts out “That car sucks. You suck dude.”
Kaitlyn said if she had to give the worst impression rose out that night, it’d go to Ryan. Both girls liked, or pretended to like, the hot tub car and weren’t happy with Ryan interrupting it.
Chris (Kaitlyn) – Arrived in the cupcake car. He’s a dentist, and he’s always telling people to avoid sugar, but “I’m really sweet for you guys.”
Ben Z. (Kaitlyn)
So if you’re into numbers and math as much as I am, 14 guys approached Kaitlyn first, 9 approached Britt first, and 2 it was never made clear on. Bradley and Shawn B. who did the group hug, but Shawn B. is all about Kaitlyn. 6 of the first 7 went to Britt first, meaning only 3 of the last 18 did. Ouch. But of course they were shown out of order, so it probably really wasn’t 6 of the first 7 but you get the point.
Once the cocktail party starts, I told you the joke Kaitlyn tells right off the bat with Britt’s reaction to it. That was in Wednesday’s post so check it out if you miss it. This whole first night centered around who the guys liked better and who they’d choose, and Ryan’s drunkenness. Basically, just something different to do on the first night since episode 1 is pretty much the same every season. This time with two women, all the cocktail party talk surrounded, “Who are you gonna vote for?” Some guys were very straightforward and you know exactly who they were set on, some were on the fence, some had someone in mind then changed it later, but honestly, the who voted for who thing got played out after a while. Once Tuesday’s episode rolls around and the season actually begins, I really don’t see guys who didn’t choose Kaitlyn as being a big deal. It’s not gonna matter. The show only has 4 to 6 real candidates every season anyway, so who cares if guy #18 didn’t vote for Kaitlyn? Irrelevant. He wasn’t long for the show anyway.
-Inside the cocktail party, Ian is the first person to pull someone away and he gets Kaitlyn. Tells her he wanted her to be the “Bachelorette.” They don’t show much else of the conversation but clearly just to let everyone know Ian wants Kaitlyn.
-Justin tells Britt he has a 4 yr old son, Aurelius. They talk about kids.
-Kaitlyn tells Corey she remembered the guy with the volleyball and loves his dimples. Corey gets a hard on. Or something like that.
-Ryan B. has a knock knock joke of his own for Britt.
Ryan B.: “Knock, knock.”
Britt: “Who’s there?”
Ryan B.: “Interrupting cow.”
Ryan B.: “Mooooooooooooo!!!!”
Seriously? Can we please stop it with the f***ing knock knock jokes? Are we 6?
-Ben H. tells Britt that he has sponsored a child like her. He’s had one for 13 years and they’re about to be 18. They both connect on this level and seem into each other.
-Shawn B. is falling in love. “I believe in love at first sight & I actually think it might’ve happened tonight when I saw Kaitlyn out of the limo.” Easy there, bud. Lay off the hyperbole. You don’t even know what she’s like in bed.
-Tony talks to Britt about all his weirdness. Something about that talking to her brings a calming feeling or some Zen BS. Britt never calls him out for saying the same thing to Kaitlyn he said to her out of the limo. Tony says that he initially came on the show for Kaitlyn, but after talking to Britt, he’d changed his mind and decided he will choose Britt.
-Clint sits down with Kaitlyn and says he drew her a picture. He didn’t know who the “Bachelorette” was gonna be so he hopes she likes it. It was a picture of Chris Harrison riding a triceratops. Ummmm, ok.
-Chris Harrison enters the room and says the voting box is open. Guys can go in there and vote at any time. You place a rose in the ballot box for the one girl you have feelings for. Tony is the first one to step up and immediately went to the voting booth to vote for Britt. “The energy coming from the chest with Britt’s name on it was pulsating.” Tony, you’re a freakin’ whack job. He puts a rose in Britt’s box. And yes, inserting things into boxes for this vote makes me giggle.
-Both girls start basically making last ditch pitches to guys they haven’t spoken to or whatever. Kaitlyn talks to Joe and likes him. I believe he said “Yes ma’am” at some point.
-Jared is going back and forth on who to vote for. Said he didn’t make up his mind til he got in the voting room. They showed him voting, but the camera angle made it so you couldn’t tell which box he was playing with. I’m sorry. I just can’t help myself.
-Ben H. asks Kaitlyn about her “bird tattoos” on the back of both her elbows. She likes that he was the only one to ask. She said doves are the only bird that remembers how to fly home and family is very important to her. She always flys home and will always value where she came from. We see Ben H. in the voting booth after that talk voting for Kaitlyn.
-JJ talks to Britt and says he came in with preconceived notions. “You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever spoken to.” He’s blown away by her. We never see his vote.
-It’s McDill time. Shawn E. pulls him outside to ask him why he disrespected his entrance when “I don’t even know who you are.” Drunk McDill’s retort? “Who are you? You do suck by the way. Everything about you.” The promo makes it seem like these two almost come to blows. They don’t.
-Ryan then pulls Britt outside. JJ comes up and says, “The bar said they have another drink for you.” Ryan pleads for 5 more minutes, JJ walks away, Jonathan comes in to save her. Next scene is Ryan now talking to Kaitlyn telling her how good she looks. He runs his hand down her side then kinda gave a quick slap on her ass saying “Very Ryan approved.” Ben Z. then pulls Ryan aside to say that wasn’t cool, and Ryan says “don’t ever f***ing talk to me again.”
-At this point, Ryan strips down into his speedo and goes in the pool while the other guys watch in amazement. We see him with drink in hand fall down by the pool, then walk into the voting booth knocking the giant picture of Kaitlyn down, then while standing at the boxes choosing who to vote for with rose in hand, he starts talking to both Kaitlyn and Britt’s picture on the wall before chucking the rose across the room. Ummmm, I have no idea who Ryan voted for and that was pretty comical. He’s a freaking disaster at this point. My words don’t even do it justice. Just wait.
-Then out in the hallway, we see Ryan putting his shirt back on when JJ confronts him. This happened:
JJ: “Why are you taking your shirt off?”
Ryan: “Why am I not raping you right now?”
So there’s that.
-Security guy in the hat comes into the room a little bit later and says to Ryan, “Chris Harrison would like to speak with you.” Ryan’s response: “Chris Hansen wants to speak with me.” Awesome. Chris meets him outside, says he’s not here for the right reasons, and they’re gonna send him home. Ryan says, “Is that it?” and then gets into the van. Well, it was fun while it lasted Ryan. It’s been real. Thanks for the entertainment.
-Tanner is sitting with Britt telling her he watched last season and that’s when Britt chimes in with him giving her the tissues. She thinks it was kind of a shot at her for being emotional. Tanner: “That didn’t go over well.” We see him in the next scene in a group of guys saying, “I like Kaitlyn.” Ha ha. Yeah, but if Britt loved your little tissue joke, I’m sure you would’ve liked her.
-Kaitlyn sitting with Shawn B. who tells her his niece and nephew mean the world to him. Luke and Isla. He gives her a picture that his nephew drew of her and it was basically what you’d expect from a kid. Stick figure of a girl. Kaitlyn says in an ITM: “This is the closest I’ve felt to love at first sight.”
-Britt sits with Brady and he tells her his life story. You can see these two vibing and it’s obvious she likes him. Makes sense now as to why they’re still together.
-Then they show a few guys in the voting booth placing their roses in boxes. So the overall tally of votes we actually see take place in the voting booth:
Kaitlyn: Ian, Ben H., Chris, Corey, and Ben Z.
Britt: Tony, Jonathan, Kupah, Josh
We see a short clip of Chris Harrison opening up each box and pulling out roses but only one or two. So when Tuesday’s episode starts, I highly doubt he’s gonna give the rose count of the votes. But we know it’s Kaitlyn and we’ll see her cocktail party and first rose ceremony on the 1 hr. Tuesday night show. In Tuesday’s show, Shawn Booth gets the first impression rose.
Rose Ceremony Eliminations: Shawn Evans, Ryan McDill (asked to leave before the rose ceremony), Josh Seiter, David, and Bradley Cox.
Brady Toops interrupts the rose ceremony and asks to speak to Kaitlyn privately. He pulls her away and says he feels he has a better connection with Britt and is going to take a chance with her. This was spoiled here back on March 24th. I don’t know how much of Britt and Brady’s relationship they will show during the course of the season, but I’m sure we’ll get updates on it. I had two exclusive reports of them in Nashville one weekend, then in San Diego in another weekend. Cameras weren’t around, but it doesn’t mean they weren’t around other times. They’re not going to completely ignore this relationship and I’m sure we’ll get updates. I just don’t know when and how many. Time will tell as the season goes on.
The 19 guys remaining after night one are: