Dr. Reality Steve

“Dr. Reality Steve” & Live Video Chat Tonight at 9:00pm EST/6:00pm PST

Back tonight with another live video chat at 9:00pm EST/6:00pm PST. I’m back home in Texas, I’m on my computer that works better, I’m in an air conditioned house, and we’ve got a screener again. So things will be back to normal. It’s always a little chaotic doing the live chat on the road, so good to be back home as I will be there for the foreseeable future on Thursday nights. Believe it or not, I’m back in Vegas next weekend for my friends’ wife’s 40th birthday party. He was the one that actually gave me the idea to throw mine back in June, but now it’s time for his wife’s and, well, you didn’t think I’d pass that up did you? He planned this six months ago, so I’m in. One problem. Right now, the guest list is 23 couples…and me. Nothing like being the 47th wheel! Then again, I’m sure I’ll find a way to entertain myself somehow. It’s Vegas. How can I not? I’ll hang at the pool, go get a massage, plop myself down at the sportsbook for hours. Yeah, I’m good. But sure it does suck a little that not only am I hanging with 23 couples, it’s 23 MARRIED couples. And pretty much all of them have kids. Pray for me. Anyway, here are your “Dr. Reality Steve” emails for the week. Enjoy…
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Dear Dr. Reality Steve,

I am a long time reader who has always appreciated your wit and candor. Although I no longer watch the Bachelor/Bachelorette, I continue to read your columns. Keep up the great work!

Here is my situation: I am a 24 year old graduate student who has never had any relationship experience of any kind. While I am open to dating, the opportunity has never presented itself and my school commitments keep me busy anyway. I am a 6’3″ female who is pretty shy/quiet, and I sometimes think these features are a major detractor for men.

A few days ago, I met someone while out at an event. Our conversation was pleasant enough, and we exchanged numbers at the end of afternoon. I have started wondering about a few things though:

1) Is it unattractive at my age to have no dating experience? Should I ever admit to that?

2) Is it fair of me to go out with someone who I only feel lukewarm about? He is much shorter than me and that’s a big turnoff. But, I would at least get my toes in the dating pool.

3) How can I work on my insecurity about my height?

Thanks for your response in advance. You seem to get a kick out of alliteration, so I’ll sign off that way.

Clueless in California

Comment: So lets address each question have separately, Miss Alliteration.

1) To be 24 with no dating experience is definitely not the norm nowadays, however, no guys you date from this point on need to know that. Sure, you can say you’ve never had a serious boyfriend, but I wouldn’t admit to having no dating experience. I don’t think it’s that big of deal to not admit to that, and even lie about it and say you’ve just dated around and not found that guy. If you meet someone and you do end up together, then maybe down the line you can tell him you lied about your dating experience when you first met. I wouldn’t think he’d take that poorly. He shouldn’t. And if he does, then he’s not for you.

2) That’s up to you. If you want to go out with someone just to do it and get some dating experience under your belt, even though you’re not totally 100% sold on the guy, that’s fine. That’s why it’s called dating. You try different things out, different people out, and you begin to determine what you like and don’t like.

3) Well, it’s not like you’re going to shrink all the sudden. Your height is your height. I think we all have insecurities about ourselves, and yours just happens to be how tall you are. And yes, if you think shorter men are a turn off, then your dating pool definitely shrinks a little. But it doesn’t mean you can’t find someone. People deal with insecurities in different ways. Just know that your height isn’t some sort of flaw or something is wrong with you. It’s nothing you can control. There are plenty of guys who are attracted to tall women. You just need to find them. Try dating sites (although not my personal preference), but at least you can create a filter where you ask for only guys that are a certain height.
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Dear Dr Reality Steve,

I wanted to update you on my relationship and ask a few new questions.
I’m the person who wrote you last month about this guy from my office who I dated for a year and a half and thought I was gonna marry, only to find out he had been dating other women while still going out with me. Original link: http://realitysteve.com/2015/ 06/18/the-bachelorette- kaitlyn-spoilers-dr-reality- steve-3/#$$nq5hu2&& T6zAxhXfEeWuGgqLpIzNaQ$$

Here is the update: after 2-3 weeks of going home after work to cry, feel miserable, eat ice cream, and stay in bed (like Rachel from Unreal) I decided to follow yours and your readers’ advice of pulling myself together. I deleted all his emails, donated the things that reminded me of him, started seriously hitting the gym and I even dropped a dress size, started volunteering and I felt better. Particularly volunteering gave me new energy and hope. My work colleagues started saying that I look great, so I decided to celebrate by buying a new dress on my new size. Yes of course I still miss him every single day, and I get very sad and cry often whenever I remember the amazing days we had, because yes, I was happy, even with all our issues I was very happy with him, I loved him and wanted to marry him.

Last Sunday one of my work colleagues had a birthday brunch. She didn’t know I dated him, but she had noticed I had a huge crush on him. So she ended up inviting him to the brunch as a surprise for me. Of course she sat him next to me and it was super awkward. He told me I looked very beautiful (I was wearing my new dress). I was polite and tried to make small talk although I just wanted to leave. Two hours and two mimosas later, we were having such a great time, he was touching my hand, his arm around me, we had the great conversations and fantastic chemistry we used to have. It felt as if nothing had happened. He told me he was going to California to see his parents on the 15th of this month. He texted me later that day “being with you today and having such a great time made me realize how much I miss you, I miss you so much.” I texted him back that I missed him very much too.

A couple of days later he wrote me a long email telling me that when we decided to take some time off, he understood it as a break, so he started dating. He said that he never wanted to hurt me, and that he knew that when we slept together after he had been on dates, he knew that it was bad, he knew that “had he told me that day that he was dating other people, he knew I was not going to stay and then he wouldn’t have had a last chance of telling me that he loved me.” He ended the letter saying that he hoped I would forgive him someday.

He also made it seem as if his dates weren’t that serious, he said that he wasn’t really sleeping around and that he was just going out for drinks and theater. He told me that he loved me and that he missed me. He also asked me when it was my birthday and maybe he should take me out. I ate it all up, and fell right back in love, where I was before.

I wrote him back telling him I loved him, that I had already forgiven him, but that he had said that he wasn’t going to marry me and he thought we weren’t going to have a happy life together.

He wrote back that he never said that –unfortunately I already deleted all his emails so I can’t send it back to him. He said that he wanted to marry me but that he didn’t want to fulfill all my “preconditions.” I told him I didn’t have any preconditions, which is true, that I just wanted to be with him, that’s all I want. He never answered that email.

My birthday is this upcoming weekend so I texted him last night asking him if he wanted to go out for brunch. He said that he wasn’t going to be around next weekend but that he can take me out for dinner on Thursday. I asked him “oh, I thought you were going to be around because you are in California until the 15th?” he answered that this weekend he is going away on a weekend trip with a woman he is seeing.

Here we go: I feel terrible, again. I was hurt for those love letters and for hoping again that we could make it work. They are going to a very romantic place I wanted to go, so now I feel even worse (good luck trying to take the idea of him with someone else out of my head).

I texted him “what were all those love letters you sent last week? and last year I begged you many times to go away on a weekend with me, but you were always busy or didn’t have money to go away” he texted back “I just got promoted and got a good increase so I have money now, but anyway she is inviting me and paying for the weekend. We should get together to talk, I don’t think this is going to work.”

I don’t really want to talk to him. What else is there to talk about? but I don’t want to look like the immature exgirlfriend, although let’s face it, I’m angry and very hurt, again. Now I have a birthday weekend to go through alone trying not to think of him on a romantic weekend with another woman, (happy birthday to me!) plus I feel less because I’m assuming she has the money to take him away whereas I could pay at most half our weekend away and that’s another reason why we never went away.

The truth is, I don’t think he is a bad person, so I’m very confused and sad again by all this.

Here are my questions:

Why did he write all those caring, love emails last week? Why did he downplay his relationship making it seem that “we only go out for drinks and theater”? I’m assuming his weekend with this woman was already planned by the time he wrote those letters. What does he want from me?

Not Joyful in NJ

Comment: It’s kinda hard to answer for a guy I know nothing about other than what you’ve told me. So to ask, “Why did he do this” and “Why did he do that,” would be just pure speculation and wouldn’t give you the answer I think you’re looking for.

What I can tell you is you need to rid yourself of this guy. You are not a priority to him, you’re an option. Plain and simple. Yes, I know he said all those nice things and that he misses you and blah blah blah, but then never backed it up with any real actions. He didn’t even know when your birthday was. Maybe it’s because I’m good with dates and what not, but I still know the birthdays of every ex that I’ve ever had. Well, the important ones at least.

I just think this guy is blowing smoke up your ass and when he feels like it, he wants you. But that’s not all the time, and you don’t want someone like that. Regardless of who’s paying for this weekend with that girl, the fact is he’s spending a weekend with a girl that’s not you. That should tell you all you need to know about where you stand with him. As hard as it may be, you need to move on from this guy. I mean, lets not forget he did tell you he didn’t think you’d get married because you wouldn’t have a happy life together. He can backtrack on that now, but you seem pretty sure he said that, so I’m guessing he did. A woman wouldn’t forget something like that.

You’re not a priority to him, and probably won’t ever be. Cut your losses, and try and meet somebody that actually wants to be with you.
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Hi Dr. Reality Steve,

First off, I just wanted to say I love your site. I love how you ridicule the Bachelor/ette, its really the only reason I keep up with the show. Onto my problem…

So Im 18, just graduated high school. There’s this guy I’ve sorta had a crush on who happens to be my best friend. I’ve known him for years but he’s never seemed to reciprocate the feelings I have for him. The problem is that we sorta have a friends with benefits? I went over to his house about a week after graduation and well we started spooning and cuddling/snuggling. It wouldn’t bother me except that he started holding my hand and eventually started kissing me. We didnt have sex but we ended up kissing a lot. Well it’s made me confused. He hasn’t said if we’re a couple so I just brushed it off as a one time thing. Well now he’s talking about taking things further with me. I’ve told him point blank Im not going to take things further with him unless we were to start dating. To make things even more complicated, he gets mad at me for looking at other guys. If I even mention any other guy I’ve talked to, my friend will automatically bash them. Yet, he frequently talks about other girls he flirts with. I dont know why he thinks he has a right to control who I talk to. I mean, I was his prom date but that was only for one night and afterwards we made it clear to each other that we’re NOT a couple.

Honestly you’re unbiased so I thought I’d ask you what to do about this situation. I know, it probably seems really ridiculous but after getting over my crush this whole mess started and well… I just don’t know what to do. He’s my best friend, I love all the good times we had but I hate being confused about where we stand. He says that we’ll keep in touch but A. I’m not sure how long that’ll last and B. I don’t want him to keep in touch with me just so I can be his booty call. Anyways, your advice would be much appreciated.

Troubled in Texas

Comment: One thing not addressed in this email is where you guys are going off to college. Are you guys being separated in a month or so when college starts? If so, then I say forget it. If you’re going to the same college, or you would still be able to see each other, I’d say at least give it a chance. You’re right in saying that you don’t want to move further if you aren’t dating. If he doesn’t want that, then you won’t. Simple. He’ll have given you your answer. But I think that answer might be hinging on what’s happening with college. If you guys are about to be separated, I’m sure his answer is going to be he doesn’t want to start dating you.

At that point, then try and keep your friendship platonic if you can. Won’t be easy after this recent hookup and knowing he wants more.
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Long time reader, first time emailer…

I’m hoping that your wisdom as a single man can aid me…

Here’s the deal. I am a 37 year old single woman living in Boise, Idaho (side note: Boise is 10 miles away from Kuna, home of Joshua Albers. We aren’t nearly as podunk as ABC would like you to believe). Boise is a hard place to be single. Around here, people tend to get married young and have kids right away. I’m living proof of that: I married my high school sweetheart at 20 and have two teenagers. Surprisingly, that marriage didn’t last. Which leads to my problem…

Where does an educated, gainfully employed, normal woman go to meet the equivalent in a man, without resorting to online dating or reality tv? I’ve been told the gym, church, and the supermarket.

Gym: how?!? I’m there to work, not mingle.
Church: no thank you.
Supermarket: I was hit on once at Wal-mart. His opening line was “are you a Christian?” There is no good answer to this. Yes encourages him to keep talking, while no implies I need saving.

So, please enlighten me. Where do nice, normal, not-dilhole single guys my age go? Once I locate the herd, how do I initiate a conversation without looking like a troll? I’m pretty shy and tend to run from guys that pique my interest. What comes across as interested but not creepy?

I need to grow some lady balls and grab the bull by the horn before my shelf life expires. Please help!

Bachelorette in Boise

Comment: Well, I can’t speak for the dating scene in Boise since I’ve never been, but it sounds like you have slim pickings. Hey, Joshua is a free man now, try him! Kidding.

I don’t think there is ever a perfect place to meet someone. Usually it just happens. The key is making yourself available and getting out there. Which is funny coming from someone like me since, well, I don’t necessarily take my own advice. But yeah, I think the better relationships are ones that just randomly happen, and not when you’re frequenting places openly trying to meet someone.

Don’t think you’re some sort of troll because you don’t initiate conversation in a public place. I don’t think most women do, because most women like being pursued. They feel like if they’re doing the pursuing, the guy might get the wrong message. And some definitely might. Those are usually the horny ones just looking to get laid. So, I would just be yourself, talk to whoever you feel like talking to, and find someone you connect with. There really is no magic formula. Since you were out of the dating scene at a pretty early age and have grown kids, yeah, it might be a little tougher for you because lets face it, not every guy wants to date someone who’s divorced with kids. There are plenty that do, and plenty that don’t.

Do you want to date someone who’s been married too? Do you want more kids? Do you want to date someone who has kids themselves? I think once you answer those questions, you’ll have an idea of where you need to be to meet the type of people you want to date.
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Send all links and emails to: steve@realitysteve.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you tonight.

15 Comments

15 Comments

  1. Jman123

    July 9, 2015 at 8:49 AM

    Okay, the dark part of my mind read the letters and thought “candidates for RS to take to Las Vegas!”.

  2. rob22

    July 9, 2015 at 12:31 PM

    Clueless in CA: If you’re ever going to date and find someone good, you have to be willing to kiss a few frogs. That’s part of getting out there & learning what you like. I am a little annoyed that you would consider height, because if you need a guy to be 6’3″, that eliminates 95% of the dating pool. Date the short guy. It may not work out, but at least get yourself out there. I couldn’t help but think about a girl I knew in college who was 6’3″ who dated a 5’5″ guy. The loved their odd couple look. I know you’re kind of shy and would feel weird about it, but you need to start trying some things and getting over some of your hangups. There is a reason why you’ve never been on a date, and the reason is in your mirror. You have a lot of “reasons” to NOT date a guy that totally works against getting ANY date. There’s a guy for every type of girl, except girls who find reasons not to be dateable.

    Joyful in NJ: He’s not that into you. Just because he’s nice to you once in a while doesn’t mean he wants anything besides sex once in a while…. if he can get it. If he was into you, he would have put on the full court press about now & followed up with being exclusive and into you almost immediately. That didn’t happen and it’s not going to. I’m not sure why you keep revisiting the same issue with the same guy over and over. Stop it. You’re wasting finite time and effort on something that’s going nowhere. Asked and answered twice. Hopefully that’s enough

    Troubled in Texas: you left out the most important point. What did he say when you said things aren’t going further unless we date? If he didn’t want to date you, then you have your answer. If he did want to date you, he is showing interest, so there could be possibilities. Dating will sort all of that out. Don’t sleep with him for a few dates & you’ll really know if he’s into you…. or whether he just wants some nice sex until he finds someone better. The latter is somewhat more likely, especially given your age. RS’s comment about not starting anything if you are going to colleges in different regions is still valid. To start a relationship that instantly becomes long distance would be ridiculous. You’ll have lots of possibilities in college. Those possibilities will be eliminated if you’re flailing around with some guy in another state…. in a relationship that’s doomed to fail because those types of relationship, in the best case, hardly ever work. In your situation, it’s almost 0%, with a very few exceptions.

    Bachelorette in Boise: I realize Boise has a lot of Mormons, so I’m assuming you’re not? Anyways, you have to put yourself out there, and honestly, today putting yourself out there is largely being online on dating sites. If you are unwilling to try online dating, you’re taking away 80-90% of your opportunities since that’s where most everyone else is connecting. I’m guessing you don’t want to date slimeballs. So, don’t sign up for Tinder or hookup sites. Use a serious dating site that’s for people that want relationships, like eHarmony. That might not be the perfect site for you, but there are a lot out there that are aimed at people looking for certain things. Relationships, hookups, mistress opportunities, bi-curious, you name it. etc. It’s all out there. Otherwise, you’ll probably meet most people through friends or work…. and only if you make it a point to get out there socially. The grocery store, gym and bars are unlikely to yield anything good. They’re low percentage plays. Set a goal of having a date once a week & putting yourself out there enough to make it happen. Go for quantity over quality initially & weed people out. Say yes now to almost everyone (who’s not a wacko). I must have dated dozens of girls and had three really good relationships come of it. It’s a numbers game & you have to increase the numbers if you’re going to find someone for a relationship. Like with the girl who won’t date short people or blond haired people with long noses, or whatever, stop with creating barriers to meeting people. If online is the way people are doing this today, then don’t rule it out for whatever silly reason. You’re just making yourself undateable with all your restrictions. That’s why you’re not getting dates.

  3. justforfun

    July 9, 2015 at 2:49 PM

    Bachelorette in Boise – I would suggest trying a meetup group. I checked, and there are lots of different groups in your area. You can choose one based on something you have an interest in, like hiking, wine tasting, books, etc. It’s a low key way to meet other people based on a similar interest. Good luck!

  4. findthescoop2

    July 9, 2015 at 3:06 PM

    media blitz going on Witney Carson and Chris Soules not dating. hmm, beginning to wonder what’s the definition of dating? Why now? What’s the reason for all the photos, tweets about Witney’s boyfriend been gone for 2 years? Chris always seems so concerned about WC more that his fiancee. Why now? just wondering? I find it hard to believe, still not ready to believe that nothing was going on…

  5. cjscjs711

    July 9, 2015 at 5:31 PM

    @ Clueless in CA. Look at Becca last season – 26 and never in love, family never even saw her hold hands with anyone. Soules knew all about that and was still ga-ga over her. Even kept her over Kaitlyn, who put out for him in the Fantasy Suite. Why would anyone ask how many guys you’ve DATED? They usually care about how many you’ve slept with, if anything. Don’t make anything up.

    I’m not a fan of going out with guys you’re not interested in just to get ‘experience.’ The only experience you’ll get is the kind you don’t need – being bored on a date, wishing you weren’t there, wishing it were over already. You need experience relaxing around people, men, relating, having fun, sharing humor, stories, getting to know one another. Going out with someone attracted to you when you don’t reciprocate sends them weird messages, and if they are attracted to you, you’ll spend your time finding ways to push them away emotionally if not physically. None of that is what you need.

    If shorter guys don’t turn you on — be aware you’re narrowing the playing field. But again, it’s better than forcing feelings you don’t feel.

  6. rob22

    July 10, 2015 at 7:32 AM

    Hi cjscjs: you’re right about not lying about her dating background. Good relationships are not built on lies. But, there is also no reason to voluntarily bring up your history. If asked, be honest, and briefly give your honest answer. The thing you don’t want to do is make it into a big deal that starts to define you. But definitely be honest if asked.

    The only reason I suggested dating “anyone” is because, in two of the letters, the writers had tipped me off to the fact that they had filters that were screening out large parts of the population. Most likely this was a sort of excuse. I’m just “picky”, it’s not that I’m deathly afraid to get out in the dating scene. No, you’re deathly afraid of getting out in the dating scene so you create all kinds of barriers to success.

    It’s a form of perfectionism and aversion to change that leads a person to be stuck in a rut. “If I can’t find the perfect person, then I won’t date”. They have to be white, 6′ 3″, outgoing, wear cool clothes, hold the door for me and deliver a mint chocolate to me at the end of the conversation. So, guess what? They don’t get any dates.

    That stagnation is born out of fear. Fear of a relationship, fear of rejection, fear of failure, etc. So, my advice was to ditch the filters and just date. I agree that if you’ve tried dating “x” type of person a couple of times, then yes, it’s a waste of time to continue doing that. But we’re talking about people who have VERY limited dating pool based on very tight criterium, who rarely, if ever, date anyone. They need to break out of it. I still say ditch the filters. It won’t kill them to try something and have it not work out. One boring night is just what it is. A boring night from which you learn something. You learn nothing sitting at home thinking of reasons not to date people.

    I tend to be a home body, so I used this goal of 1 date a week to force myself out of my comfort zone. I agreed to some dates, especially those that were setups, that were really not good dates. But I forced myself out of my comfort zone & soon I had lots of good dates. Then I was in a situation suddenly where I had to pick from three pretty good options as to who I wanted to have a relationship with. That one didn’t work out (bad choice), but shortly after, I met my wife. Who I met randomly, and because I had my weekly date quota to fill (and because I instantly liked her), I asked her out. By that time I would never have NOT asked her out in that situation. It had become natural to just ask someone out when I met them. That never would have happened if I would have stayed in my comfort zone.

  7. jay2

    July 10, 2015 at 7:53 AM

    @ Rob22 I love how you go to the point, thanks for that!
    Yup, I agree, it’s not going anywhere. I really wish that it did, but it isn’t. Moving on….

  8. rob22

    July 10, 2015 at 9:21 AM

    BTW jay: been in the same boat wishing for something to happen that wasn’t going to happen. That makes it too easy to get sucked back into it. So, keep yourself occupied with other things. Date if you’re ready, but if not, make sure you are doing things you’re interested in. Sitting around at home only gives you time to continue spinning this relationship around in your head & leaves you vulnerable to continuing the cycle. It really doesn’t matter what you do as long as you’re out of the house. Soon the bad memories fade & you can then truly move on to something better.

  9. findthescoop2

    July 10, 2015 at 9:54 AM

    cjscjs, Becca was a “challenge” for chris. I dont believe he was ga-ga over her at all. Would they still be together if he had chosen her? No, by that time he would have regretted it. He was in it for fame. It would have been the same

  10. rob22

    July 10, 2015 at 10:59 AM

    BTW: the whole “meet someone at church” thing is a product of a bygone era. Unless you belong to a super vibrant church that has lots of young people, unfortunately most churches these days are the over 50 crowd. If you do belong to a young, vibrant church, that could be still a really good place. But in 95% of churches these days, if you go to a “Singles” group, you’ll find a lot of 40+ somethings who’ve divorced, been widowed, etc. …. and not a lot of young people.

    I think people give that advice who haven’t been in a church singles group in about 25 years. Once upon a time there were lots of young eligible, high quality people in those groups. Not as much these days.

  11. purplerayne

    July 10, 2015 at 11:23 PM

    to cjscjs711 : great overall point, but Becca is probably not the best example to use. There is a VERY strong chance she was kept over Kaitlyn bc producers wanted KB as their Bachelortte lead.

    Some of these reader questions really upset me. Ladies, have enough self esteem and self love to realize that if a guy is not making you his priority, he’s not worth your time. “But he said, but he promised”. thats what selfish people do, they say things they dont mean. Remember, men are simple creatures. If they want to be with you, they will do it. If they want a relationship, they will pursue it. Dont look at random examples of where an aloof guy eventually comes around and turns into a prince. Those are the exceptions, not the rule.

  12. findthescoop2

    July 11, 2015 at 5:23 PM

    purplerayne, you are right on the mark with you comment. Yep, probably the reason Becca was kept instead of KB. KB was more of the type of person they wanted. Also if a guy isnt making you his priority really not worth your time. WB smart of figure that one out and left, not used to hanging around. Smart decisions and no excuse for a guy that will not pursue a relationship, he doesnt want it for lots of reasons. Reason could be fame or not interested in marriage. Sad fact, WB got hurt real bad, very, very bad but, she was strong enough to head for the hills

  13. allusernamestaken

    July 12, 2015 at 11:36 AM

    ROB22 knows what he’s talking bout!!! i highly suggest these women take his advice!

    Boise.. online dating is the easiest bc u don’t have to waste your time or money going to a restaurant/gym/meetup groups and try to initiate something with random people. Honestly, get on match.com i know lots of relationships that came from that site.. put up something fun/interesting about yourself and message 10 people a day… go on every date that a guy asks you on! i like rob22 advice on 1 date a week. think about it. say their are 10,000 people in your area on match.com, your chances of having a few dates is much higher than spending time/money and resources going to a random meet up where maybe 10 people show up and they probably aren’t your age!

    NJ girl.. he is NOT THAT INTO YOU!!!! i used to date a lot of guys and if a guy does not call you back, does not make ‘future’ plans and does not follow thru you get rid and move on!!! follow ROB22 advice… start dating lots of guys!!! stop eating ice cream and watching reruns of desperate housewives… go out more and get more dates so you have other men to worry about and see!! bonus points for being a girl is that these men will pay for your dinner/drinks or whatever else you do! so you can actually plan to go to a nice restaurant you always wanted to eat at ect. get on match.com and make a profile and start going on dates with men!! REAL MEN! not that boy you described above.. he isn’t worthy of your time! MEN ALWYS WANT TO KNOW THAT THEY CAN HAVE YOU!! thats what he’s doing! he was making sure he could still have you, and you stroked his fragile ego big time.. and thats what he needed… to know that IF he wanted he could have you, and that you still wanted him… next time ignore him and move on and talk to someone else… you need dates and thats why online is the best/easiest! you can make a profile and instantly connect with men! no need to waste time/money/energy or resources going out! yes, you can still go out but you should not be limiting yourself!!! you can still meet a guy at a bar/club/gym ext but it is not like you are going to meet a guy EVERY time you go out.. and thus, wasting time and resources when you can sit at home in your yoga pants, no makeup and get online and find men to talk to and meet!

    6’3.. their is a reason you have never been on a date! you obviously don’t give guys an ‘open’ vibe.. you are closed off and if you are in a group with 6 girls, the guys are going with another girl. NOT bc she is prettier or whatever, but bc she is open and giving off positive vibes. how do i know this? i used to be that way in college! all my gf got dates and i didn’t! why? i was insecure and very closed off and guys could read that and went with the girls that were ‘flirty’ not bc they just wanted to get in their pants, but bc they were open and showed affection and guys all want egos stroked and never want to be rejected. go out with the guy that is 5’5 or however tall he is and wear 4 inch heels! use that time to build some confidence and what you need to move forward… stop with the restrictions and excuses!!! you are dating, not marrying a guy.

    ALL you women have too many restrictions and are having too many missed opportunities bc of that!!! I used to go out on 3 dates a week and some even though you talked online, we had no chemistry in person! but it was pretty funny!!! i ate my dinner, he paid the bill and left! generally, i would set them up for 7 so that if it was lame and ended early i still had time to meet up with my friends:) and, my husband i have now i actually met in a bar! so you too can find men there… but how many guys do you meet in a bar actually call you back on a second date? one thing from meeting my husband it was so EFFIN EASY!!! he called, we met up.. he txt me thru out the day.. i went over after he got off work… it was SIMPLE no games and everything fell into place!!! so although we love reading the emails (and we especially LOVE updates!) if you have to write in and ask realitysteve if a guy is into you or not, chances are he isn’t!!!

    goodluck and i would love to hear updates on all your women and i hope that you can get out of your comfort zone

  14. allusernamestaken

    July 12, 2015 at 11:51 AM

    Hey RS, why don’t you have a contest and fly a girl out to be with you for the weekend? it could be fun, or turn into more but that way you aren’t alone:)

  15. jcrew617

    July 27, 2015 at 5:02 PM

    @Bachelorette in Boise – You can usually find men at anything sports-related, like sports bars, the gym, basketball courts or bowling alleys. A lot of men play online video games like Warcraft. Rich men hang out at republican fundraisers. Good luck.

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