With the emergence of UnREAL this season, there have been more and more articles written about how “fake” reality TV is and what really goes on behind-the-scenes. Yesterday, the NY Post wrote a piece but specifically tailored it to the “Bachelor” franchise. Granted, this is nothing you haven’t heard me tell you 1,000 times, but it was good that they got former contestants to give specific examples of instances where a producer did something to them to elicit a reaction that wasn’t necessarily the reaction you saw on camera. Like I said, nothing I haven’t been telling you for years, but still is interesting to read this stuff coming directly from people who experienced it. So yes, on UnREAL the situations are a bit exaggerated, but the role those producers are playing and how they have to think of ways to get contestants to do/say what they want them to isn’t all that far fetched at all. Their ITM interviews, their leading questions, the way they pump certain contestants with confidence/fear depending on the situation – that’s what they do. It’s their job. But I’m telling you at this point, 30 seasons in to this franchise, I don’t think these contestants care anymore. In fact, I know some don’t. They just want to be on TV so they really don’t even need to be manipulated as much anymore. They just do what they’re told because they know they have a role to play.
The finale is 4 days away and to get you all the unspoiled people excited for it, this clip of Nick meeting Neil Lane was released today. Hilarious. You can see exactly where this is headed and it’s why they specifically chose this clip to be released 4 days before the finale. The knock at the door, the anticipation of whether he’ll get dumped again before picking out a ring, etc. Predictable. So now because he got to meet Nick and pick out a ring, Nick obviously is thinking that Kaitlyn’s gonna pick him. Uh huh. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. 2-for-2. Lets make it 3-for-3 next season.
Join me live tonight at 9:00pm EST, 6:00pm PST for this week’s video chat where we will discuss how DeAndre Jordan going back on his word royally screwed the Mavericks for the upcoming season. Or not.
I love your column and love what you do. I’m a 37 year old Investment Banker living and working in Downtown Chicago. I’ve worked my ass off to be where I am, and always admire meeting/seeing/interacting with people who have had the courage to take a different path and ultimately find success. You’ve done it, so kudos.
I read the “Doctor” stuff every week and am floored by these women’s inability to see the truth. I read an article today that pretty much laid it all out there, so thought I would share.
I’m certainly not perfect, I married an emotionally immature man even though he was 40 at the time. This article confirmed it, it also confirmed I was right in leaving him.
Comment: Thanks for that. I just try to approach all these “Dr. Reality Steve” emails from an unbiased opinion. I’m sure all these people have already asked advice from friends/family, but those people will usually tend to side with the person they know better. I basically don’t know anyone who’s emailing in, so it’s much easier to give sound advice to them and let them do with it what they will.
It’s funny, because I give advice to people from this franchise all the time. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve been come to with a dating/relationship situation and give my thoughts…and about 5% of them end up listening to me. So whether you choose to listen or not, just know it’s coming from an unbiased place and I’m here to tell you what’s real and not what you want to hear.
I read your Dr Reality Steve column yesterday and felt compelled to write you after reading the story about the 22 year old married girl who doesn’t want to be married anymore. I’m older now, but 6 years ago I could’ve written that letter to you word-for-word. I didn’t take the advice you gave, and I deeply regret not working on my marriage. I went through years of pain and regret, and it wasn’t worth it. Marriage is a curious thing. The pain you endure when ending a marriage is very different from a serious relationship, and you never truly get over it. I would encourage this girl to give her marriage EVERYTHING possible. Getting married at a young age is stupid, young people are flakes and people change and you’re not mature enough to deal with issues. The truth is, she probably has an amazing husband but she’s bored. Fortunately you can get over boredom, but you’ll never really escape being a divorcée.
You go to counseling, you find other married people your age, you ask for guidance from older, wiser people and you take it. And you believe that you’ll get over this period in your life, because you can and you will. Just some thoughts from someone who’s been there and made some mistakes.
Comment: Hopefully that girl from last week reads this. I’d email her your email, but once I post the emails, they’re deleted from my inbox. If I don’t, they all start bunching up and I get confused which ones I’ve answered on the site, which ones I’ve answered personally (some people ask to not have me publish them), and which ones are set for the next column.
Reader since Ben’s season, Bachelor fan since Alex’s season.
Anyway, I’m 26 years old, currently living in ”Option Central” NYC. I met a guy on Tinder 3 months and 14 dates ago and now I’m not sure where we stand. Also, we both just got off 2 year relationships a few months ago.
The first few weeks he asked me to hang out 3 times a week then eventually it was twice a week then once a week.
In the beginning it felt like he was smitten because he would say things like ”Is it weird that I can’t wait to see you again?,” we would talk on the phone for hours, tell each other we missed each other and he would take me on super romantic dates (broadway musicals, fine dining, surprise picnic, etc). He actually still surprises me!
Two weeks into meeting him, he told me I was acting like a girlfriend and that we should probably space our time out a little and to ”not like him so much.” One night he came over and we were watching…you guess it! The Bachelorette (I presented him with a rose myself and asked him if he would accept it). We had another great night but a few days later, he told me that he was going on vacation with his ex and her friends because he just ”couldn’t say no to a free ticket.” When I asked him if he was trying to date her again he never said yes or no. He basically said he’s happy dating around and enjoying single life.
When he got back and I took him on my first surprise planned date for him. We had a really fun time. After every date since our 3rd date, I have gone home thinking ”there is no way there isn’t mutual feelings there.” We have deep conversations, we make each other laugh, we like a lot of the same things, etc. I never brought up his ex again or if he was seeing anyone else because I don’t feel like we are at a point in our relationship for me to say anything.
A few weeks ago he picked me up from the airport and helped me move into my new place (Who does that??). He had dinner ready, a bottle of wine and a gift. It was very sweet! Later that night we talked about what page we were on and I told him I was open to seeing where things were going. He said he definitely likes me but doesn’t know what he wants and doesn’t want anything serious but wouldn’t say never.
What I don’t understand is…why would someone spend money on me, buy me gifts, surprise me on every date, tells me how attracted he is to me but says he doesn’t know what he wants. Is there any hope for this relationship to develop further or is it going to stay dating with no strings attached? I’m kinda just going with the flow and trying to meet other guys so that I’m not putting all my eggs in one basket. He’s 2 years younger than me and seems like he knows he’s good looking and has a good job so he can probably have a lot of options. He says he wants me in his life and considers me a friend. We aren’t exactly hooking up either…so I’m just confused and don’t understand what he’s getting out of this?
Going with the flow
Comment: I think he told you all you needed to know when he said he doesn’t know what he wants. Does the behavior match that answer? Not really. I mean, the guy went on a vacation with his ex and her friends. Seems to be a common theme in the last few “Dr. Reality Steve” columns where people are mentioning a guy they are seeing just happened to take a vacation with an ex. Is this a thing now?
The good thing is you aren’t putting all your eggs in his basket. You shouldn’t. He’s elicited enough bizarre behavior and said things that are some pretty decent red flags. As for why he does some of the things he does and says some of the things he does, then turns around and says he doesn’t know what he wants? Could be a number of reasons why. I don’t know the guy, but the simplest thing is he wants to play the field. He likes you, but he likes other people too. You’re an option, but not a real high one at that it doesn’t seem. Some guys just like having a boat load of female friends. This guy might be one of them. But it seems like he’s only making you a priority when you’re together. Common “player” mentality. It’s what he does when you aren’t together that speaks more.
Two can play that game. You’re not tied down to him, so keep doing what you’re doing and putting yourself out there for others. It’ll happen. Like you said, NY is “Option Central,” so just like he has options, so do you.
Dear Dr Reality Steve,
I know this is going to sound weird and strange but I felt I had to write to you. I’ve been a big fan of your site for a few years now. I’ve never watched Big Brother or Survivor or any other shows that you’ve had blogs written for your site, but when I saw you post a message in your blog earlier this year about a “Scott Ottersen” writing for your site, it caught my attention.
That name is most definitely familiar to me. I looked into it and found some of his info that led to his Facebook page where I saw his picture and remembered him completely. As it turns out we went to college together. DePaul University in Chicago to be exact. We even ran in some circles together while we were there. We never dated or even hooked up, but we did chat a couple times. I think we had a class together but it may just be my memory remembering things wrong.
Anyways, to my question – I’m married, have 2 beautiful kids with my husband, am happy, but ever since I saw Scott’s name on your site and saw his picture, it kinda brought back some “special” feelings I saved up for him. Or had of him stored in the back of my brain, I don’t know. But anyways, I’m just wondering your thoughts on what I should say, if anything, to my husband? Should I bring it up at all? Or just play it off like my change in “mood” has been over something else or him, because I feel as if he’s starting to think there’s someone else because of my newly found passion for him, to put it nicely. 🙂
I just thought you might have some insight since you know him and you’re the one who reintroduced him to me and my life.
Comment: Whoa, look at that. See the perks of writing for this site? You get chicks galore. Ok, maybe just one.
Well Scott is married with two kids as well, so I highly doubt anything will come of this. No, you shouldn’t bring this up to your husband because I really don’t see the point. It’s not like anything is happening between you and Scott and I sincerely doubt it will. You saw an old crush, you got excited, and that’s that. I’m sure Scott is flattered, but there doesn’t seem to be anything here.
And for those thinking it, no, this girl emailed from a completely made up email address so I don’t know who she is, nor does Scott.
Send all links and emails to: firstname.lastname@example.org. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you tonight.