So please tell me you all caught “Celebrity Wife Swap” with Jason & Molly and Sean & Catherine last night. I’ve never watched that show before and probably never will again, but holy crap, that thing is so fake, scripted, and edited it’s laughable. All you needed to do was read Molly’s tweets last night along with Sean’s to realize they basically just had to act the whole time. Which then makes me question why even do it in the first place? Sean said he’s never written Catherine a to-do list in his life, nor would he ever and Molly saying she’d never even drive a mini van. The whole thing is so over-the-top corny and campy, it was nonsense. And then to hear the involved parties basically say parts of it are not even stuff they even do in their relationships, you know it’s all stuff they were put up to. The best part about the show? I saw one of my wedding gifts I got Sean and Catherine. Good to see they put it to use. Then Molly informed me on Twitter that the pillow shams I got them are still on their bed 5 years later. I knew I got them bedding, but I couldn’t remember what it was. It was 5 years ago. Hell, I don’t even remember exactly everything I got Sean & Catherine and Des & Chris, and those were more recent. All in all, a truly dumb show that is so unrealistic and so made-for-TV there’s nothing genuine about it.
As of right now, the live video chat is still on for tonight at 9:00pm EST/6:00pm PST. My cough hasn’t gone away but it’s much less frequent than it was on Monday and Tuesday. And still has a pretty deep bass to it. If it becomes unbearable I’ll stop but for now, the show will go on. See you tonight. On to your love queries…
Hi, Doctor Steve!
First off, thank you for taking the time to read my e-mail & thank you even more for replying if you do.
I met this man three months ago & we had a bit of a whirlwind romance. After first meeting, we talked on the phone everyday for a week & that following weekend, we talked on the phone for fourteen hours straight. Then when he got back in town, we hung out several times that next week & the days we weren’t able to hang out, we talked on the phone for hours at a time. After two weeks of talking everyday & going on many dates, I knew I was in love. I told him & he said it back. Things were going great. I’ve been in love before, but this was beyond anything I ever felt. Our connection is so crazy. We get along so well & enjoy so many of the same things. It’s hard to find that person that after you met the first time, you can just talk for hours. There are never any awkward moments or dull times in our conversations. After one month of dating, I told him he was the one & he felt the same way. We were soulmates. He became my best friend, my confidant, my companion, my boyfriend, my lover, my life partner, my future, I could talk to him about anything. For two months, things were great & I was on top of the world. I’ve never felt happier.
About a month ago, I went out of town for a week to visit family in another state. I didn’t really get to talk to him much during that week because I was so busy, but I at least texted him every night before bed. Things seemed really distant. When I got home Sunday, he said he wanted to talk, so I called him & he said that I had been lying to him. He found out that I had a kid from a previous relationship & was very upset that I didn’t tell him. The reason I didn’t tell him was because I felt like it was too soon in the relationship & I know that can be a deal breaker for people. I know I should have told him sooner, especially since we were moving so quickly in the relationship & I wanted a future with him, but I just didn’t know how he would handle it. I was nervous & didn’t want to be judged. It was a hard situation I was in. For that following week, we didn’t talk at all. No communication. I wanted to give him space & time. That week was the hardest week of my life. I missed him like crazy & cried everyday because the pain of missing him was too much. He finally reached out to me a week later & we began texting again. He said he just wanted a friendship with me & thought he couldn’t get over the lie I told. We’ve been texting a little bit everyday, but that’s it & our conversations are awkward. It’s like there’s an elephant in the room. I apologized, but I guess he can’t get over that I have a kid, which he said wasn’t the deal breaker, just that me not telling him about it was.
So what do I do now? I want to be with him, so I thought I would just try to be his friend & maybe we’d work back up to being in a relationship again, but things are so tough. I just want to tell him that I’m still in love with him, but I feel like that will push him away for good. Should I keep trying with hopes of getting back together or just move on by breaking things off for him for good? I don’t feel like I can be just friends with him.
Thanks again for all your help.
Little Lost Liar
Comment: I think you were in lust, not love. You don’t know someone well enough after two weeks to say you’re in love. You might love the thought of being with them and how they make you feel, but you don’t know them well enough to know that.
I don’t understand how you were talking to him that often for that long and at no point did he have a clue you had a kid? Wouldn’t he hear your kid in the background? Wouldn’t you have to stop talking at some point to tend to your kid? And even with that much talking, I understand you didn’t want to bring it up to him, but that’s kinda something someone should know. Now meeting your kid is something to definitely hold out on, but not even telling him you had one? I don’t understand that one.
It doesn’t sound like you want to be just friends with this guy, so I’d just tell him that. And if he doesn’t want that, then move on. Even though you withheld information from him, seems like a rather weird reaction on his part after spending all that time with you and then not. So maybe the kid really is a dealbreaker and he just doesn’t want to admit it. Sure, I’d be a little put back by you not saying anything at first, but now that he knows, I’m questioning why he can’t get over it. I think there’s more there than he’s not letting on.
If he can’t handle your lie or the fact you have a kid, then you don’t want to be with him anyway. While I disagree about you withholding that info and never bringing it up, I certainly don’t understand his reaction since. I also think you’re jumping the gun a bit about how you feel about this guy. Two months in relationship bliss is not enough. You need more time than that in my eyes.
Question for your Dr. Steve column but if you could answer sooner, that would be great!
I recently broke up with my boyfriend and while were dating, starting about 2 years ago it crossed my mind as to what it might be like to go on a date with the realtor/building manager who manages the office building I work in. He’s around my age. 2 years ago he came to my work holiday party where I was with my boyfriend and as far as I know .. He thinks I have a boyfriend.
I have been seeing him a lot in passing lately and have passing conversations such as him asking me if I was going to lunch then following up in another passing asking if I was going back to the same place.
I would like to go on a date with him but feel like I can’t ask him due to his connection with my job .. Awkward if it does not go in my favor.
What do you think I should do?
Comment: How does him being the building manager for the office you work in conflict with your job? He’s not your boss is he? He’s just a building manager. I don’t see the conflict. I think you just need to spend more time talking to him and flirting and see where it goes. Doesn’t sound like you know much about him. Maybe he’s got a girlfriend or a wife and this all becomes a moot point. You need to do more digging, but I don’t think work should prevent you from making your intentions known.
I threw my spouse out approximately one year ago after 7 7 1/2 years of marriage and two little kids.
The divorce is pending he filed first I was unable to secure a lawyer. I am doing my best to move on however, I can’t help but feel jealous of the fact that he has someone and I don’t.
He lives with his mistress the one he cheated on me with he was also abusive verbally and physically. He actually put her on the phone a few months ago like an idiot.
Well, I hate it that I am not even dating (I gained weight during pregnancies) bored all the time and wishing to go out to a swank hip trendy restaurant like he does.
However, no one is interested.
Any suggestions on how to not be jealous?
Comment: Your making your self worth be determined by an ex-husband who was verbally and physically abusive. That’s your biggest mistake. Who cares what he’s doing with his life. Doesn’t sound like he’s the greatest guy in the world, you got out of the relationship like you should’ve, and now you’re free to do whatever you want. Don’t let what he’s doing affect your life in the least bit. Sounds like a real dog. You just need to get this guy out of your head. The last thing you should be is jealous of him. If he treated you like that, I’m guessing his mistress will eventually get the same treatment, so no need to be jealous. Pity her.
So I will just get right to it. For context, I am 25 and he is 23.
In January I met a guy through my gym. We would see each other most days of the week and it was always cordial, until mid-February when we actually had our first real conversation. We had an instant connection and we became friends on Facebook and started messaging for a few days on there before it switched to phones. We started texting and snapchatting regularly. After about a week, I found out he had a girlfriend since I decided to really look at his Facebook for the first time.
I told him that I wasn’t comfortable with the situation since we had started talking about deeper things other than the gym, sports, work, etc. We agreed and didn’t talk for a couple of days until we saw each other at the gym. We went out on our first date shortly after that (yes, while he had a girlfriend), but nothing physical happened even though we both wanted it to happen.
For the next FOUR months, we dated without being physical at all (we both tried to walk away at different points, but couldn’t). We both knew what we were doing, and he knew he was wrong, but we couldn’t help ourselves. In June we went to a concert together, had a few beverages and ended up kissing. After that night and one other night with just kissing, all of the physical barriers came down and we slept together. He told me after the night that we slept together that he was going to break up with his girlfriend. It took him another 2 weeks, but he did end up breaking up with her.
The day after they broke up, we spent the whole day together and have virtually been inseparable since. He told me within that week that he was in love with me and all of which encompasses that (I’ve never felt this way about anyone, I want to spend my life with you…). He took a 10 day road trip with a friend and everything was fine between us the whole time. We didn’t argue once, we spoke on the phone all of the time, I had no worries about our relationship. He came home on Sunday and we spent Sunday night and Monday night together and everything felt perfectly fine.
Well last night out of the blue, he told me he has a lot going on in his life and he needs some time to think. I asked him if he has doubts about us and if he loves me and he says “I’m not sure”. This was about an hour after him telling me how excited he was to meet my mom on Thursday, so I am very confused on that, too. (also his idea to set up a dinner with her)
I’m ruling out his ex girlfriend because she went BATSH*T crazy on him and I don’t think he’d be talking to her again after what she did when he ended it.
I know that we jumped into this fairly quickly after their breakup, but I asked him multiple times if we should take it slow and continue to date before getting really serious. He assured me that he KNOWS this is what he wants and he can’t imagine it being any other way. He kept saying “we’ve been dating for 5 months, I know this is what I want…”
I’m trying to give him his space, but I am having a really hard time maintaining my composure. I told him that I’d be there for him when he’s ready to talk and that if he needs time, I will give it to him.
Thinking about it from a logical point of view, I think it would be good for us to slow things down a bit and start fresh and not be super serious, but I don’t want to break up.
I guess I just don’t know what would cause someone to flip a switch so quickly like that, when it’s been so consistent for the past 6 months. He’s been the one propping me up and telling me that everything is going to be okay and to just trust him.
The things he’s told me about why he’s feeling this way are:
His parents are fighting a lot and he’s getting dragged into the middle (he lives at home)
He’s looking for a new job (he has one now, but hates it) and the interview process is really stressful
He’s trying to complete a second degree and school is overwhelming
We went “facebook official” (HIS IDEA) and he’s getting hounded with questions about me and his ex (since it was so soon after their breakup)
I don’t know what I’m looking for other than a male perspective.
Comment: Here’s a simple answer to your question of “How can he just flip a switch so easily?” He’s 23. 23 year olds are still early in the dating stage of their life, and the fact that he was essentially cheating on his gf for four months might show you the level of maturity this guy was at. So if he did that to his gf, what makes you think he wouldn’t do that to you?
I would just chalk this up to another guy you just don’t put all your eggs into one basket with. There’s ex drama, he lives with his parents, has a job he doesn’t like, so yeah, maybe just take a step back and realize this guy is very fickle and sensitive right now and I wouldn’t take everything he says at face value.
Not to mention he’s told you he has doubts about whether he actually loves you. Of course he doesn’t. He’s 23. Now, I’m not blaming ALL of that on his age, but a lot of it is. Can someone be in love at 23? Sure. I just think it’s rare. And at 23, I probably thought I was in love a few times. Here I am 17 years later looking back now saying there’s no way I was. But in the moment, I sure thought it was. So I would slow down with him, continue to talk, let him get his life situated, and see where it goes. No, I don’t think you need to break up with him in the meantime, but be prepared that he might. This guy seems to have quick impulse reactions to things. I would just not hold out hope that this guy is someone you’re gonna spend the rest of your life with.
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