Bachelor in Paradise 2

“Dr. Reality Steve” & Live Video Chat Tonight at 9:00pm EST/6:00pm PST

So I mentioned the other day that family is visiting this week in Texas. My sister and the kids are out here for a week and we’re 2 days into their vacation and I’m already beat. Not sure if any of you are aware of this but kids have energy that’s completely unexplained. Yeah, I know. Crazy revelation, huh? Yesterday we took them to the Great Wolf Lodge and I felt like napping for about 8 hours after we got back. There’s only 12 of them nationally so for those that don’t know, it’s an indoor water park. I can’t remember the last time I was even at a water park. Maybe 20 years ago? Considering the Texas heat, it was good this thing was indoors. And they had a blast. Amazing how kids can play in the water for almost 4 hours and never get tired. I went down the giant water slide with them twice and I was beat. Lets face it, I know I’m getting old. It’s very hard to keep up with them nowadays. Today’s trip? The Perot Museum of Nature and Science in downtown Dallas. I think the last museum I actually went to may have been on a 6th grade field trip. Then tomorrow they want to go to the indoor rock climbing place. Oh happy happy joy joy. Please pray for me. I’m going to need it.

I’m not sure if both Olivia and Nicholas, or one of them, or none of them will be appearing on the live chat tonight for the last portion of it. Not sure. Maybe they’ll be too wiped out to come on. I’m not sure. But hey, I’ll be there at least so that should be good for something, right? See you tonight at 9:00pm EST/6:00pm PST taking all your questions and comments on “Bachelor in Paradise” and everything else “Bachelor” related. On to your “Dr. Reality Steve” emails…
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Hi Steve,

Long time reader, first time writer. Your columns make viewing the Bachelor/ette so fun-sometimes I look forward to your recaps more than the episodes themselves. Keep up the good work!

Anyway, I am in a bit of a dilemma. My husband and I have been together for 10 years and for the most part, we’ve been very happy. I daresay we don’t have any major issues in our marriage and everything is still fresh and romantic, and we have great communication. But we had a conversation today which is making me question a lot about who he is.

My sister gave birth to a boy, my nephew, recently. Now, a bit of backstory-both my husband and I are not on the greatest terms with my sister; we are cordial at best. Long story short, I respect, agree with, and share my husband’s dislike for her. But the problem is, my husband’s dislike for my sister is also transferred over to my nephew. He does not want to be a part of his life, unlike me. I want to be involved, help raise him, and am excited to see the person he will become.

However, it’s very difficult for me as I am stuck in the middle. I had a conversation with him and expressed that it would mean a lot to me if he treated my nephew with kindness and love, as I intend to. I explained that he is my family, and it may be easier to view my nephew as my parents’ grandchild instead of my sister’s child. After much coercion, my husband agreed to “be nice to him” since he knows it’s important to me (a few tears may have been shed on my part).

What is your whole take on this? I know it is a lot to ask someone to like someone, but at the same time, isn’t it unfair to dislike a newborn baby? The most ironic part is that my husband wants to adopt kids at some point, so he can’t really care that much about “blood relations”! I do appreciate him willing to try to change his viewpoint, but am still very upset that it does not come naturally to him.

Thanks,

Agonized Aunt

Comment: As someone who has a major role in my niece and nephew’s life, this is a tough one. My guess is that he doesn’t want a role in your nephew’s life because somehow that means he’ll have to spend time with your sister. Or have to try and build a relationship with her which it doesn’t sound like he cares to do.

I mean, your nephew was just born. The kid is a baby. How exactly is he gonna be mean to a baby? Your nephew can’t walk, talk, and doesn’t even have any sort of personality yet. I think in the beginning things should be fine, but I gotta imagine your husband is talking about when the nephew gets older. Being mean to a newborn seems awfully cold, and if he is, then he’s got some issues.

But I would pin all of this on the relationship both of you have (or don’t have) with your sister. I think the nephew is just the pawn in all of this unfortunately. Is there any way for both of you to repair the relationship with your sister? Or is it damaged forever? I would begin working on that, and if it somehow is repairable, I bet your husband will have a change of heart regarding how much of a role he plays in your nephew’s life.
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Hi Reality Steve,

I’m the high school graduate who emailed you about a month ago about my problem. I kinda want to update on the situation and see what you’re opinion is.

In my last email I completely forgot to mention the college situation, my bad. My friend and I are going to colleges that are 30 minutes away from each other. However he’s going to be busier than me since he decided to join the marching band. Anyways, I have ended up hanging out with him a few times and took your advice and kept things platonic. Well, he didn’t really because of his flirtatious comments toward me but physically, kept things platonic. Might have helped that we hung out in public places, i know he’d never kiss me in public. Well, like I said, he joined the marching band so he’s moved in early. Moving away is kinda taking its toll on me a little emotionally. Most of my closest friends are moving far away, except for him, and I also have to leave behind my color guard family.

I’m somewhat afraid that he’ll forget about me once the school year really begins. Now I’m a shy person and I know how he works. First day he’s there he’s already telling me about this girl he met and how he got her number and blah blah blah. I’ve been accurately pegging his relationships for YEARS. I’ve only been wrong once and that’s only because the girl fed me lies about her true stance on him, it got obvious since she seriously had to ask him what 2 squared was and really was finding ANY excuse to talk to him. Anyways, I know I have that crush on him, but I still put our friendship first since, like I said in the previous email, he’s never seemed to reciprocate. If anything, he only sends me mixed signals. Every single time he seems to like me, I start getting the courage to tell him…. only for him to go after someone else. I saw no point in telling him when I knew what his response would be to “oh yeah I have a crush on you.”. It’d always be me left heartbroken and crying and then the next day putting a smile on and supporting him without him knowing that I was heartbroken. I honestly had enough of sitting there getting my heart broken and him not noticing AT ALL, so I told him I had a crush on him. He wasn’t surprised,- you know its bad when your TEACHERS can tell- he just questioned why I lied to him about it- that’s because when we were in middle school and people kinda poked fun at us he kept away from me like I was the plague and he kept doing that up until sophomore year when I decided it was better to just pretend I didn’t like him.

So we had a huge heart to heart conversation, mostly on my end because I had so much bottled up. He told me he does deeply care about me as much as I care about him, however, he does not want a relationship with me yet. We both agreed that there is a high possibility that we may actually end up together since we both, for some reason, go back to each other after failed relationships (or in my case, when I stop crushing on another guy…those crushes didn’t last long). We both also agreed that if or when we decide to date, we want it to be at the right time when we’re both emotionally mature and adjusted to life on our own, mostly because we want it to work out.

Now I know I’m only 18 which means I’m young and stupid. I understand a lot can change in 1-4 years. Basically I want to know what comes next, is there a chance for us to make it if we actually wait a little before we become a couple?

(kind of) Troubled in Texas

Comment: Is there a chance? Sure. I just don’t know how good of a chance based on what you told me about him. College is a great experience to meet new people and date. That’s basically what college should be since for the most part, people are isolated in high school and only meet people they’ve usually grown up with. Now you’re getting to a place where you can meet someone who is from another state who maybe grew up completely different from you. I think that’s what you need to do for yourself. Yes, he’s your friend and you like him a lot, but you’ll meet people at college. Trust me. It’s impossible not to. And so will he. Keep in touch with him, stay friends, maybe stay flirty, but don’t let your wanting to be with him prevent you from furthering a relationship with any guy at college. Hell, he’s already started and got a girls number, so why can’t you? I know at 18 you feel like you don’t want to meet anyone else, but I have a feeling you’re gonna look back on this at the end of your 4 years of college and see how silly that was. Enjoy college, date guys, make friends, and experience it all. It’s what college is for. Do not let this guy ruin your college years because you will absolutely regret it later in life.
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Send all links and emails to: steve@realitysteve.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you tonight.

2 Comments

2 Comments

  1. rob22

    August 13, 2015 at 11:11 AM

    So, just a comment on the newborn nephew. Basically for a year, or two, being a good uncle consists of dropping by once in a while and holding the baby for 10 minutes. Maybe bringing a small gift like clothes, which they constantly outgrow.

    But as they get a little older, a good uncle can take the kids to the park, children’s museum, ball games, beach, etc. and Mom doesn’t need to be included. In fact, she’ll probably enjoy the break. So, that’s one way you can go. A lot of in-laws in divorces do it exactly that way. They don’t really want to talk with their ex- in-law much… fake smiles and sunny hellos…. but both see the value in a relationship with the kid.

    Then, when the kids are fully grown, you either have a relationship or you don’t. If you don’t spend the time when they are small, you’ll basically be a stranger…. and some will think less of you for not putting in the effort. I don’t understand why some choose that path, but they do. They usually end up being left out of important family events. Some feel slighted, but it’s their own fault.

    So, just some perspective on how this all can play out… or not. You can be part of the kids life with minimal time with the sister, or not. I would recommend trying to find something that works and having that relationship. It’s kind of sad for people that don’t. Obviously younger people don’t see how this all plays out.

  2. hkr

    August 13, 2015 at 3:34 PM

    This is also a comment on the newborn nephew. Explain to your husband that children are not direct extensions of their parents. For example, my mother has no relationship with her sister but I enjoy having a relationship with my aunt. Their disagreement was in the past, and they can’t get over it. But, it has nothing to do with me. As an adult, I appreciate having relationships with my family on my terms. Also, I don’t particularly enjoy the parents of my niece and nephew. They are little now but I am hanging in there and building a relationship because one day (when they are their own people) we might like each other as adults. In other words, follow the advice of the above comment and avoid the sister but DO NOT discard your relationship with your nephew. He might become a wonderful person to have in your life.

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