-So Sunday night we picked up where we left off last Monday with JJ wanting to crush Joe’s skull for lying about Samantha. Of course, nothing ever comes of it, but when they show stuff like that in the previews, they make you think World War 3 is about to happen, and it never does. This “fight” fizzled quicker than Juelia’s interest in Jonathan when Joe came aboard. JJ wants to play everyone’s hero so the biggest thing for him is he wants to save Juelia. She tells him no. I guess she doesn’t want a pity rose. She’d rather make herself look even worse by pitying a guy she literally pushed away from her when he tried to have mouth relations with her tongue. More on that in a bit. But everyone is pretty much convinced and saying in ITM’s that JJ has gotta give Juelia the rose because it’s the only logical choice, not to mention constantly throwing in “she’s a single mother” even though that has absolutely nothing to do with anything.
-So the cocktail party begins and there are 7 girls and 10 guys, so 3 girls are getting the boot. Five couples are set in stone at this point: Josh and Tenley, Kirk and Carly, Tanner and Jade, Joe and Samantha, & Jared and Ashley I. That leaves two guys (Dan and JJ) to give out two roses between 5 girls: Juelia, Ashley S., Clare, Megan, and Amber. But of course, the cocktail party drama is still surrounding Joe and Samantha’s game play. No one trusts either of them, and Clare of all people calls out Samantha for bascially being shady towards her friend Juelia. I’m pretty sure this led to tears on Samantha’s part as she didn’t like being called out for something that everyone could see with their own two eyes. But of course, she was the only one who didn’t see anything remotely wrong with what she did. Samantha will not admit to anyone she’s done anything wrong, whether it be plotting with Joe or being a horrible friend to Juelia. Tanner and Jade even pull Joe and Samantha aside, and they realize Samantha is lying. She keeps downplaying their relationship before the show, when Joe has already outed her to the guys and the rest of the group. So she keeps digging herself a bigger hole than Joe ever did, and now Joe is coming across as a somewhat sympathetic figure. Well, maybe not yet. I’m sure there are fans out there at this point that still wouldn’t mind ripping his intestines out and hanging him by them.
-To get us away from the Joe/Samantha drama for at least a few minutes, they give us a looksie into what the hell is going on in Ashley I. and Jared’s relationship. Answer: Not a whole hell of a lot to be honest. He has about as much interest in her as Josh does to wearing sunscreen. Holy lobster boy Josh. I half expect him to start looking like “The Fly” when all that red skin starts blistering. But back to Jared and Ashley I., you’ll never believe this, but she’s complaining about something. Then again, the sun rose that day so what else was new? She said that Jared hasn’t touched her all week. Ummm, can you blame him? I mean after all, you are Ashley I. There is a small, teenie weenie possibility that your obsession over him he started seeing as “Single White Female” status and maybe even into “Fatal Attraction” craziness. Like maybe Jared has a rabbit at home that he doesn’t want to see served to him at dinner. Whatever the case, Jared pulls a mini Joe and makes out with her at the cocktail party just to assure her where he stands. Imagine if making out just ended all of the world’s problems as easy as it does on this show?
-Since Juelia already told JJ not to give her a rose, but she still wants to stay, she’s devised a plan (I’m assuming with the help of producers) to possibly stay on the show longer. Remember Mikey T, you know that guy who warned her about Joe that she didn’t listen to one bit of once Joe faked his interest in her? Remember him? You know, the guy she literally had to physically dodge once he tried to make out with her because she was so repulsed by him? Ummmm, she wants him now. Well, I wouldn’t say so much as wants him as it’s more that she enjoys being on TV and wants to stay longer and this is her only chance. She tells Chris Harrison she’d really like it if the show could somehow, some way in the goodness of their little hearts, find a way to bring Mikey T back on the island because she never gave him a chance. Sharleen nailed this perfectly in her blog Monday, but basically, the girl who didn’t want JJ’s pity rose, is now asking for a guy back who she essentially sent home by not giving him her rose – which is essentially as big of an act of pity as we’ll see on this show.
-Rose ceremony time.
Josh to Tenley
Jared to Ashley I.
Kirk to Carly
Tanner to Jade
JJ then shocks the world who hasn’t read any spoilers by giving his rose to Ashley S., because he tells us before he came on the show, he started seeing someone in Denver that he wants to pursue again. So he up and leaves to be with her. How’d that turn out for him? Ummmm, not so good buddy.
Unfortunately not. The show (Bachelorette) and all that comes with it took a heavy toll. https://t.co/LdAsEqm92R
— JJ Lane (@jjhlane) August 24, 2015
So there you go. The newest American hero, JJ Lane, is unemployed and still lives at home with his mother. Oh boy.
Joe to Samantha
Dan to Amber, thus eliminating Juelia, Clare, and Megan. Clare tells us this is her official retirement from the show. Lets hope so, since last season should’ve been her retirement. A paid vacation can always talk these people back for more.
But in the least surprising news of the night, Juelia gets her wish granted as she’s walking off the set to the car bringing her back to the hotel – Mikey has returned and he’s there to save her! Man, this is like a modern day “Notebook” playing out before our eyes – except for the part where Juelia doesn’t even like Mikey and she just wants to stay on TV. So yeah, totes similar.