-Last night begins with the two most latest dumpees, Joe and Ashley I. having a heart-to-heart. Well, at least that’s what Ashley was expecting. Since Joe’s heart is about as warm as the Arctic, this didn’t go over well. She’s crying (shocker) about getting dumped from Jared, and Joe offers no condolences whatsoever. Which then makes her cry more and walk off. Exactly what were you expecting from this lighthouse on the shores of ignorance, Ashley? He’s so wrapped up in Samantha’s bidness right now, like he cares about the little 7th grade crush you have on Jared. He’s got bigger fish to fry. You know, like how the hell is he gonna polish off a whole cake by himself since nobody likes him anymore? First world problems for Joe down in Mexico, I tell ya’. Dude is struggling to stay afloat. And desperate times call for desperate measures. Joe realized he’s getting played, so he does what any logical guy would do? Resort to threats. “We’re either gonna get engaged and be happy with a love story, or she’s gonna crash and burn.” I think it’s safe to say that Joe has completely gone off the deep end at this point. There ain’t no coming back. Well, unless you appear on “After Paradise” and do exactly what I told you to do last week. More on that in a bit.
-Kirk decided to surprise Carly with a fishing date because, well, I’m not really sure. I guess they needed more footage from this episode or something. But since Kirk loves to fish, and Carly claims she does too, what a perfect opportunity for them to bond, and have Kirk remind the audience, once again, how fast this relationship is moving for him, thus setting up their inevitable break up. They fish, they talk, the goo goo ga ga over each other and how amazing it is to be together, and then we see them on the rocks as the sun sets. It’s like a postcard from the relationship bliss section, only this one has an expiration date on it. We’ve already seen all of Kirk’s hesitation in this relationship, and we’ve seen none from Carly meaning she’s going to be Ashley I-ing all over the place once he drops the bomb on her. And you know what Carly will probably say? “I can’t frickin’ believe he did this. I frickin’ was falling for that guy and then he dumps me. No frickin’ way.” Yes frickin’ way.
-We have a date card arriving and it’s for Mikey. He asks Juelia, she says yes, and now that’s 3 guys in a matter of, oh about 10 days, that she claims she really likes. Juelia is definitely guilty of the BBD Syndrome (Bigger Better Deal). Except she traded up (in her mind) from Jonathan to Joe, but isn’t trading up at all with Mikey. Just using him for more air time and to keep her vacation going longer. Maybe she’s got some bills that need paying, who knows? I mean, I don’t think I’m breaking any new ground here saying that’s it’s obvious Juelia isn’t nearly into Mikey as she’s making it seem. Please. These two take a private jet to Guadalajara, Mexico and on it, Juelia plops in Mikey’s lap so they can make out. Wait, huh? It seriously wasn’t 3 or 4 days earlier (in real time) where this guy tried to kiss her and she essentially pushed him away. Now she’s offering up the goods on his lap on a private jet? 100% Juelia got played by Joe. We saw it, he’s admitted it, and that’s that. But her jerking around with Mikey because she just wants to stay longer reeks of hypocrisy. And the fact that Mikey actually buys this nonsense doesn’t speak well for him either. They go watch Lucha Libre at an arena, then get to play in the ring themselves afterwards. This is going nowhere fast. Such a forced storyline that I can’t imagine anyone is buying. Mikey did nothing from the time she rejected his advances until now other than show back up because the show called him and more money was waiting.
-Jorge the bartender getting some serious run on this show. He’s now giving Ashley I. advice on her situation with Jared. Unfortunately, Jorge is no “Dr. Reality Steve” because anything other than, “Woman, he’s not into you and you’re embarrassing yourself” is bad advice. Joe joins the conversation still confused about Samantha and doesn’t know what to do. So when you don’t know what to do in a relationship, what better person to go to for advice than the mid 20’s overly emotional virgin, who has the relationship experience of someone getting out of their pimple phase in high school. Joe and Ashley talking relationships is just about the funniest damn thing ever. They should write a book about everything NOT to do in relationships. Probably be a NY Times bestseller. Joe wants Ashley’s help on how he can reintroduce himself to Samantha and kinda start all over. He tries it, it fails, and Ashely’s reign as a relationship expert has ended after 3 1/2 minutes.
-We have a new arrival – Justin from Kaitlyn’s season. You know, the single dad with the “Color Me Badd” haircut? Well, he had that haircut on Kaitlyn’s season. He’s kinda let it grow out now, but now we’re dealing with another issue. We all know these guys love V necks, but Justin has taken it to a whole other level. He has a button down collared shirt unbuttoned halfway to his naval. Ummmm, just stop. Seriously. Whatever the case, it seems to impress Samantha at least for the time being since he goes after her and she says yes. This brings Tanner the Narrator back into the fold. Tanner: “Samantha is the ultimate chessmaster. But instead of chess pieces, it’s dudes. And her end game is destruction.” Yep. That pretty much explains it. She is going to ruin every guy that comes across her path. Funny how Sam has gone eerily silent on Twitter since her game has been exposed. However that’ll all come to an end next week once she’s on “After Paradise.” If you thought Joe had an image repair to do last night, Samantha is probably in deeper. Exactly how is she gonna explain this away? Only 6 more days to find out. It will be entertaining for sure. But as we know, she recinds the acceptance to Justin’s date when next Sunday’s episode begins, so she’s already in backpeddling mode.
-This was the best “After Paradise” show they’ve had to date because, well, Joe. Now whether you believe Joe or not is a different story. He did exactly what I thought he should do last week. He followed it step by step. Don’t try and justify it, don’t go on the attack, and just apologize for your actions. He did it and now we’ll let the court of public opinion weigh in. I give him credit for what he did, but yeah, he could’ve done it before all this and before the edit came out. I know he said last night that doing it on TV makes him more of a man or whatever, but not really. Apologizing behind the scenes and contacting Juelia off camera is more sincere. There will be people who believe that he just said what he said on camera because that’s what he’s supposed to say. And maybe Joe is a complete dirtbag and didn’t mean any of it. I guess only family and friends really know if he’s sorry for what he did. Me? I just give him credit for apologizing and owning everything he did. It’s exactly what he should’ve done. I don’t know the guy at all to know how sincere he was. But he could’ve been much much worse up there, that’s for sure.
-The biggest problem I had with the show was bringing Juelia out AGAIN. Huh? I mean, Joe said what he needed to say and you let the public determine if they believe him. So having Juelia sit right next to him and force more out of him was supposed to make it better? He said the same things to Juelia that he did to the audience. He owned it, that’s not him, and there’s no excuse for his actions on the island. I think now we can see his tweets over the past week with retweeting jokes to the haters was all a misdirection by him to get people thinking he was gonna go scorched earth on the show last night. He knew what he was gonna do, and played it up to make it seem like he wasn’t. But the “woe is me” Juelia nonsense is seriously getting so old and tired, it’s a joke. We’re acting like this is the first girl to ever get screwed over by a guy in forever. And it’s almost like she still couldn’t accept his apology. What else do you want from the guy? On his knees begging for forgiveness? If I acted how Joe did on national TV, and they had me on to give my thoughts on everything, I would’ve done and said everything Joe did. I’ll leave it up to everyone else to determine whether they believe it. But please, lets stop with the pity parties for Juelia already. It’s nauseating.
So next week a lot of goodies. The end of Joe/Samantha, Chris Bukowski making his 873rd appearance on this franchise, Justin taking Amber out once Samantha recinds her accepting his date, and a whole lot of other stuff in the spoilers. I already forget who the dates are. Hell, even watching the shows since I haven’t really looked at the spoilers since posting them, I never remember who’s going on what date and in what episode. Only two more weeks of this mess, then we can start digging in to “Bachelor” stuff. I’ve always said the most fun part of this show for me is spoiling while filming is happening. Very fun piecing everything together. And let me tell ya’, I’ve already got some pieces to the puzzle. But we won’t get into those until much closer to filming beginning, which is roughly a month away. Catch you tomorow.
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