Dr. Reality Steve

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Seacrest

In touching on what I mentioned yesterday about the fake morning show bits (again, sorry for those who had no idea those weren’t real. I heard from plenty of you), here’s another one for you. I think this one is a little more well known, but maybe that’s because I was in radio and understand how syndication works. If you’re not currently living in Los Angeles right now, but yet you hear Ryan Seacrest’s radio show on in your city, you do know that he’s not broadcasting from your city, right? I know, I know. That may seem obvious, but I’m telling you, some people think he is. Like, even though maybe you hear him saying, “It’s Ryan Seacrest on 101.3 FM KIOI in San Francisco, here’s Adele…” (one of his affiliates), he’s not actually broadcasting from San Francisco or from that station. All he’s doing is cutting liners with other stations tags that broadcast his show to make it feel to their audience that “he’s one of you.” I bring this up because I remember hearing Seacrest in the car here in Dallas because he’s on 102.9 FM and someone I was in the car with saying to me, “I didn’t know Ryan Seacrest lives in Dallas.” And it’s not just Seacrest. Plenty of radio shows from all different cities broadcast in other markets. But Seacrest’s “home” station is 102.7 KIIS FM in LA. So if you’re outside of that signal, you’re hearing him on tape. And oh yeah, Santa Claus isn’t real either.

Back tonight live at 9:00pm EST/6:00pm PST with another video chat talking about all things “Bachelor” and whatever else you want to talk about. As for your “Dr. Reality Steve” emails, there’s only two this week. Womp woooooooomp. Oh well. Lets shoot for 10 next week. Or 3. Whatever works for you.
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Help! My husband is driving me crazy. He never finishes anything. For example, he’s hungry and wants to make a sandwich. He gets all the stuff out, makes the sandwich, eats it, then goes on with his day. He doesn’t finish by putting everything away. He goes to get the mail, the phone rings, he puts the mail down, then he remembers he has to take the garbage out. Where is the mail? He doesn’t know. Why didn’t he put a fresh bag in the garbage can after taking it out? Because something else came up. He’s been tested for ADD and doesn’t have it. Plus, he’s always losing things. Takes his glasses off, then remembers the laundry needs to be folded (I’m lucky he enjoys doing laundry), then needs to go to the dry cleaners, but where are his glasses? He has no idea. Arghhhh! Nothing I say or do, no matter how kindly I am, makes any difference. I’m tired of him asking me to help find what he lost/misplaced, and I am tired of being the bad guy when I ask him to finish what he started. Help me understand or cope or something! I suspect it’s going to be cope… Frustrated in Portland

Comment: C’mon, you couldn’t have done a Pissy in Portland? Or maybe a Perturbed in P-Town? Shame on you.

You’re definitely not being a bad guy by reminding him of this stuff. However, there really doesn’t seem to be much you can do. I guess you can look at the bright side and realize if this is the WORST thing you have to deal with in your marriage, then be thankful. Yes, this would drive me absolutely nuts if I were in your shoes, but I guess things could be worse.

As for a solution to fix it? I doubt anything will make him all the sudden remember to do all this stuff, but maybe turn it into a game. Every time he doesn’t forget something, or remembers to do something he normally doesn’t remember, he gets rewarded. It’s up to you what type of reward to give him, but going the sexual favor route would probably work. That’s all up to you though.

Is this something that’s just started recently, or has it been this way since you’ve known him? I have no idea how old you guys are, and depending on that will depend on if this theory is even relevant, but could it be he has early stages of Alzheimer’s? Obviously that’d be worst case scenario, but like I said, I have no idea how old you guys are and this might be irrelevant.

For the time being, looks like it’s just a quirk of his that you’ll have to put up with, but hopefully this is the biggest problem in your marriage.
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Hi Steve,

Apologies for the somewhat late notice with my Dr. Reality Steve question, but here it goes…

Five years ago when I was in my mid-twenties I dated a guy I will call “Ryan” for a little over a year. He treated me really well and it was a wonderful relationship, but it just didn’t work out for a number of reasons. I ended things and it was amicable, but I was his “first love” so he took it very hard. While I was dating Ryan, I met his cousin who I will call “Craig” a couple of times. Craig and I got along really well (almost too well) but I didn’t think too much of it at the time because I was with Ryan.

Fast forward five years.

Early this summer, I began thinking about Craig again and wondering “what if” so I decided to contact him. The moment we began talking, we both felt an immediate connection. We met up for a weekend and it was honestly the best weekend of my life. We have been together ever since and things have been amazing. I am almost 30 and he is 34, and neither of this have ever felt this way. His actions consistently match his words, he looks at me with love in his eyes, and we consistently talk about and plan for the future. However, the unfortunate circumstances of how we initially met continuously lingers in the background of our relationship.

Several months ago, after his extended family discovered we were together, Ryan’s sister sent Craig some very nasty text messages about me. Basically, Ryan’s sister told Craig that she does not trust me and that I am disrespecting their family by dating Craig. Craig was really upset by this, and we had a rough few days. (Keep in mind that Ryan himself has never contacted Craig about this. When Craig and I initially began talking this summer, Ryan told Craig that though this whole situation was uncomfortable for him, he was over me and Craig should “do what he has to do.”) Ultimately, after this drama transpired a few months ago, Craig decided that he loves me and wants to be together. Since then, Craig’s immediate family has expressed their support for us, and the issue has not come up again with his extended family though they saw each other over the holidays.

So, I have three questions for you (and anyone who cares to weigh in):

1) Are Craig and I doing anything wrong by dating? Absolutely not. Especially since Ryan doesn’t seem as bothered by it than his sister is. Is it uncomfortable for some family members? Sure. I don’t think you’re naïve enough to think that at least a couple people might’ve been a little weirded out by the situation. But all in all, outside of Ryan’s sister, seems like people have accepted it.

2) Should I be concerned that months after the initial conflict with his extended family Craig has still not had a direct conversation with Ryan about his and I’s relationship? (Some people have told me that “guys just don’t talk about those sort of things” but I still feel like there needs to be some sort of conversation.) Didn’t you say just recently that Craig basically decided he loves you and wants to be together? He doesn’t need to have his man-to-man with Ryan right away. At some point, sure. But this sounds like it’s fairly new, plus I don’t know how close Ryan and Craig really are. If Craig thinks things with him and Ryan will never be the same, then that’s the decision he’s made. That’s not on you. He knew what he was getting into dating his cousin’s first love. It’s not like this was out of nowhere.

Plus, you have the whole issue of 5 years have passed by. Some people in this world think you never date a relative’s ex, some think it’s fair game, and some think it’s fair game as long as there’s some sort of grace period. It’s different for everyone and there’s no universal answer. So based on what you told me, everyone seems fine with it outside of his sister, and maybe Ryan is still getting used to the whole thing. But other than that, no one seems to have a problem with it. At least not now. Can’t predict the future, but it looks pretty solid at this point, so just continue doing what you’re doing.

3) How should Craig approach this with his extended family? How many from the extended family are having a problem with this? Sounds like only Ryan’s sister at this point. And even Ryan told him in the beginning he was over you and for him to do what he needed to do. Granted, he could be saying that just to save face, but at this point, what is Ryan gonna say? “I don’t want you dating my ex. Make choice, me as your cousin or her as your girlfriend.” I highly doubt that. If he does, then again, that’s nothing you have control over. That’s just a consequence of dating an ex’s family member. Everyone handles it differently. Ryan seems to be fine with it to the point where he’s aware what’s going on, but hasn’t made any sort of ultimatum yet. Will family functions be a tad awkward in the beginning with you and Craig together and Ryan being there? Probably. But maybe only while Ryan is still single. I guarantee if he gets a gf (or if maybe has one now), it’ll be water under the bridge. Will all three of you ever go on weeklong vacations together and be BFF’s? Probably not. But I doubt you were expecting that. In fact, be thankful that it’s just been a few nasty texts from Ryan’s sister that only seems to be the drama you’ve dealt with so far. As I said, everyone is different. Stuff like this has been known to divide families all together. This looks pretty tame right now.

Thank you so much for any insight you can provide!
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Send all links and emails to: steve@realitysteve.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you tonight.

7 Comments

7 Comments

  1. rob22

    February 11, 2016 at 9:02 AM

    For the wife with the forgetful husband. My wife forgets and loses stuff all the time. She’ll drop her keys in the garbage, “forget” to clean up, lose her drivers license, all that stuff. She’s not ADD and she’s not pre-Alzheimer, or anything, and without going into a technical explanation, basically she’s messy and disorganized.

    I also got a glimpse of what it looked like if she got real serious about not being messy and disorganized. She made a New Year’s resolution, or something, one year to improve. She DID stop being messy and was way more organized. And guess what? She also started insisting that I get more organized and started nagging the hell out of me for every little thing.

    Fortunately, that only lasted a few weeks. I much prefer the messy disorganized wife over the controlling, nagging super organized wife. I now choose to overlook her messiness. And… oh, btw: I told her not to ask me about where her lost stuff was… and when she asks anyways, I just answer “no idea”. Finding her lost stuff is her problem. She’s had to replace keys, licenses, reading glasses, etc. I just don’t get involved and make it my problem. I let it be her problem and her’s to solve. If she loses her license, oh well. I guess she’ll have to figure out how to replace it. If she asks for help with a lost license, I google the replacement instructions and email it to her. Eventually, she gets down to DMV and deals with it. If she loses her last car key, I email her the phone number for the dealer. Beyond that, it’s hers to solve.

    Bottom line: accept your husband for how he is, even though it’s annoying. Realize it could be worse. Two super organized people butt heads a lot worse. And… don’t make his problems your problems. If he doesn’t solve his problems… again…. they’re his problems, not your problems. That’s the best way to cope. It takes a little change on your part to stop getting dragged into their stuff. You just have to let go & let them figure it out. It’s well worth it. And guess what? That stuff stops happening as much because they don’t like having to solve the problems that they create for themselves. It’s never going to be perfect though. People are funny that way.

  2. rob22

    February 11, 2016 at 9:08 AM

    Oh…. and one more tip I got on messy spouses. The example I got was about a wife that left drawers open. Mine is more about her leaving dirty dishes out. With the example of the drawers, the guy stated (this was a very well known marriage speaker who’s written best selling books on the subject) that he figured out that it took him less than a minute to close all the drawers his wife would leave open. By spending that one minute, yes every day, he avoided many minutes and hours of arguing. I do the same with the dishes. It’s really not worth the time, the effort, or the toll on the marriage to get upset and argue about such trivial things. Some people have real issues like spouses that cheat or have substance abuse issues. Misplaced glasses, lost licenses, dishes left out? Very, very small stuff. Many married couples would trade you their issues in a second.

  3. vessel

    February 11, 2016 at 9:51 AM

    To the girl who wrote the second email: Your biggest concern should be that you say “his and I’s relationship.” Yikes. When you say “I’s” it actually sounds right in your head? It should be “Craig’s and MY relationship.” And that also goes out to every single contestant on the Bachelor/ette who makes this annoying error. Stop it.

  4. kd1981

    February 11, 2016 at 10:34 AM

    Vessel – I was thinking the SAME thing. My fiance sometimes hears the girls on the bachelorette and rolls his eyes. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME! Between that and all of the likes. I think Amanda is the worst this season with that, as sweet as she seems, she needs to stop saying like. They should say it back to themselves – I and his….no that doesn’t sound right, then it should be “Ben and MY” not “Ben and I’s” ARGH!!!

  5. cjscjs711

    February 11, 2016 at 11:16 AM

    There’s a simple test to figuring out which pronoun to use. Simply drop the other from the phrase and see which pronoun makes sense. And you put the other person before yourself. For example, “Her and I got roses.” Test: “Her got roses.” No! “Amanda and me got dates.” > “Me got date.” No! That is if you don’t want to get into determining the subjective, objective, direct object, etc. forms and agreement. Steve falls into these traps occasionally, too, I notice.

  6. LynnS

    February 11, 2016 at 3:40 PM

    “His and I’s relationship” drives me crazy! I was so surprised to hear Olivia say something similar. Why do they do that? Don’t they notice how ridiculous that sounds?

    Among my many related pet peeves, people are always saying, “me and him” or when they think they’re being intelligent, they say, “him and I.”

  7. missannmcd

    February 15, 2016 at 3:27 PM

    @LynnS: I believe you are correct. It should be “he and I” or”his and my” relationship etc.

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