Dr. Reality Steve

“Dr. Reality Steve” & “Survivor” Recaps

Couple sitting on sofa with arms folded, looking angry

Perfect. Nine “Dr. Reality Steve” emails this week. Man, amazing what happens when you beg and beat people over the head politely ask people to send in their questions every week. A lot can get done. Tonight we’re back with another live video chat at 9:00pm EST/6:00pm PST. Only two more left after this week until “Bachelorette” season rolls around, so get in all your hard hitting, journalistic questions for me. You know, the ones where you ask me how certainly people were feeling four months ago, stuff like that. I’m kidding. I think. The “how do you think someone felt” questions do come up a lot. You have to admit that. It’s very hard to answer a question about someone I don’t know and how they were feeling in certain situations while the show was filming four months ago. But hey, I’ll do my best to ponder it over for a little bit before eventually telling you, “I have no idea.” I’m sure there are plenty of other questions we can get to tonight, so bring it. I’m up for anything. Well, almost anything. We can leave out the “F**, Marry, Kill” questions since I don’t want to kill anybody. But hey, if you want to talk about how Erica Rose met her fiance in November, announced her pregnancy due date of Sept. 24th, yet told US Weekly and Chris Harrison in late January she was pregnant, meaning she announced her pregnancy essentially around the one month mark which is totally bizarre, be my guest.

All your “Survivor” links for your viewing. As you know, Bryan Fischer is not recapping for us this season but I expect him back next season. Here are some ones to told you over:

EW.com: Dalton Ross’ recap
EW.com: Probst answers Dalton’s questions
People.com: Stephen Fishbach’s blog
Reality Blurred: Andy Dehnart’s recap

The local paper in Ohio interviewed Caila about her time on the show and if she’d want to be the “Bachelorette.” None of us should be surprised at her answer, and I’m telling you, I think you should all start preparing yourselves for the announcement that it’s gonna be her. Still nothing solid yet, but I’m hearing too many things pointing to her. Usually when that’s the case, it happens. I’m not gonna report it as a done deal, but I’ve been leaning that way for a couple weeks now and nothing’s changed. Hopefully I’ll find out soon enough.

Also, you may have missed this interview that Tanner & Jade did regarding their wedding. A couple of interesting answers, especially where it’s obvious they didn’t have a say in ALL the former alums who were invited, what they weren’t thrilled about regarding the editing, and how they thought the whole wedding came off.

Ok, lets get to it. Nine emails today. Ready, set, go!!!!

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Hi Steve!

I’m probably one of your younger readers so if this question seems “high school” to you, it’s because I am in high school. In late November, I started a job at a clothing store. It’s been really great and I’ve made some really good friends. I became especially close friends with my coworker Mark (who looks just like Ben H by the way!) I started spending time with Mark outside of work and we became really close. Not in a romantic way though because I’m 16 and Mark is 19. In early January, Mark went back to University of Richmond, but we promised to keep in touch to discuss, of all things, the Bachelor. And we have kept in touch, every Monday night during the show, we call/FaceTime each other. In mid January, I was hospitalized with mono for 3 weeks. I had been in contact with Mark throughout that time so he was aware of my situation. Two weeks after I was discharged, I went over to my best friend/coworker’s house and she checked her work schedule. (Since I was sick I have not been working, I’m going back to work in April). I looked over her shoulder and Mark’s name appeared on the schedule. I was shocked. I asked her about it and she said that Mark had been hired full time and he had never gone back to University of Richmond. I’ve been ignoring his calls since then, but I’m not sure what to do. I don’t really want to ask him about it…
Facts that you need to know before responding:

It’s not a financial issue, Mark comes from an incredibly wealthy family.
He didn’t transfer schools because he’s working full time.
He definitely went to University of Richmond up until his Christmas break.
He’s really smart so he couldn’t have failed out of college.

Thanks!

Comment: Yesssssss!!!! The high schoolers are back. Been a while since we had one of those. I hope you enjoy Senior Ditch Day. Do the kids still do that?

So you’re upset you were talking to him every Monday night in January when the “Bachelor” was airing, but he never told you he left school? That’s why you’re not answering his calls? I would think once you start talking to him again, it’s bound to come up in conversation. Like, “Hey, how are you working here full time if you’re in college?” Then you’ll get your answer. I have no idea why he wouldn’t tell you, especially if he’s going back to where you guys work together. Seems bizarre, but not enough info for me to go off. Talk to him about it, see what he says, then make a determination what you want to do.

Are you wanting to pursue something romantic with him? Granted, you’re underage and maybe he’s freaked out by that, but sounds like he has some interest, right? I guess I’m just confused at what you’re upset at. Or if you’re upset at all. What was your question again?
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Dear Doctor Reality Steve,

The gist of my issue is I have a friend whose husband does not seem to want her to have friends of her own. Only his friends and their significant others. Whenever her friends are having a party/dinner/group outing he’s always looking for excuses not to make it and when they do come, he always seems to hold it over his head and guilt her. He even texted her once saying “My friends say I’m whipped, thanks a lot” just because she got her way on one occasion.

It has always been like this but it’s starting to get worse. Two recent examples:

– My family and her family both have beach places. My husband and I go to ours a lot and we often ask her to coordinate weekends with us. She always wants to go but he won’t unless, of course, he know one of his boys will be there too.

– One of our friends dated one of his friends and cheated on her. My friend’s husband pretty much forced my friend to side with the cheater, so now there’s a ton of tension in our girl group.

This is one of my best friends and I want us to stay that way a long time, but I feel like her husband is trying to alienate people to the point where his friends will be the only friends she has left. Any advice on how to address this?

Comment: Ahhhhh, the ol’ “we hate our friends husband” deal. Unfortunately, this isn’t a situation where he’s her boyfriend and you can warn her. They’re already married. Does she know you guys feel this way about him? Or you haven’t approached her with it yet?

Sounds like he’s got control issues, but your friend is also seeming to allow it to happen, which isn’t good. After a while, she’s either going to lay down and accept it forever, or she’s gonna put her foot down. What’s her stance on everything so far? Does she apologize for the way he acts? Does she defend him? Is she oblivious to his actions? You basically need to talk to her, although you’re treading on some icy ground because he’s her husband. More than likely she’s gonna side with him, unless she’s totally unhappy and wants out. But if that were the case, I’m sure you would’ve heard that or gotten that impression by now. Doesn’t seem like you have.

You need to talk to her, lay out how you’re feeling things are going, you wish you could spend more time with her, then gauge her answers. If she’s making excuses for him, then there’s a good chance she can’t be saved and you’re just gonna have to deal with him. If she apologizes and says she knows, and she wishes he wouldn’t be like that, at least you know she’s on your side. But you won’t know until you ask.
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Dear Dr. Reality Steve,

So, I am 53 and in a very difficult situation and desperately need your opinion.

I have been married just over 10 years to a wonderful man. Shortly after a 4 year relationship with C ended, who I was madly in love with, I started dating my current husband. We dated for 2 1/2 years before getting married and he is the best man a girl could ever want. He has a great job, takes care of things around the house without me asking him to, cooks, cleans, is good to my kids and family and just an all around great guy. The problem is although I like him a lot, I am not in love with him and don’t think I ever was. He was ‘safe’ after getting out of a tumultuous relationship and it was comfortable from the start. There was no head over heels feeling, no euphoria, nothing like that ever for me. He has never rocked my world sexually either, but its still okay. This man adores me, and I just wish I felt the same way for him, but I don’t and I feel awful about it. I tell him I love him of course, but in my heart know otherwise.

My question is this…do I just continue in my marriage since everything else is good?

Thanks in advance for your help!

Sincerely,

Restless

Comment: Well that’s up to you. Put it this way, there are people that absolutely can’t stand their spouses but stay together, so at least you actually like him. But the decision is yours. Sounds like you’d destroy him if you ended it, but what do you want to do? Do you want to put yourself out there on the dating market at 53? Do you want to be married again if you do decide to leave him? What if you leave him and find no one that knocks your socks off? I’m sure you’ll regret leaving your husband.

You threw out the name C as a guy you dated for 4 years before you met your current husband. Is there something we should know about him? Did you find out he recently became single and that’s what you brought him up? Didn’t seem like he has anything to do with the story, and maybe he doesn’t, but just curious as to why you mentioned him? Hopefully your feelings for your husband, saying you haven’t ever loved him, aren’t because some other guy has come along.

Does it suck that you’re admitting you’ve never loved a guy you’ve been married to for 10 years? Yeah, it does. But your marriage isn’t terrible based on what you said. There are way worse ones out there. But whether or not you decide to stay depends on your level of happiness? Would you rather be alone than be with a guy you just like a lot, but not love? Only you can answer that.
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Hey Dr. Reality Steve! Muddled in the Midwest checking back in. I ditched the 42 year old who wanted to go on a group date and never looked back. I did recently get to see the other guy I mentioned. I will call him Sam for the purpose of this email. I’m reaching out because I now have a situation with a friend breaking girl code, I’ll call her Cat.

I have an awesome group of friends. We like to hangout and watch sporting events, go to brunch, even travel to different places. We went to brunch back on Jan 31st and Sam happened to be there. He isn’t a normal patron to our group because he use to live 3 hours away. There were 9 of us there and we had a good time drinking bottomless mimosas and catching up. My friend Cat arrived a little late and sat at the available chair across from Sam. Later she told me it was awkward because she didn’t know him. She told me next time to save her a seat by me. It was after this brunch that I sent Sam a friend request on FB and decided why not try to pursue this. I told Cat about this and she said well I should’ve come sat by here and talked to him. I said next time I will. I had told Cat and some of the other friends that I liked him. I had invited him out to do things with the group but his schedule didn’t allow.

So fast forward to this last Sunday Feb. 28th and we all were getting together for brunch at a different place. Everyone arrived at brunch (Cat was late again), I made sure to sit where I could be next to him. We ordered our food and then Cat arrived. She sat at the end of the table on the other side of Sam. We had a bunch of group conversations going and then next thing I know Cat was asking Sam questions about his job and where he lives, etc. I could only hear bits and pieces of the conversation because he was facing her way to talk. Towards the end I was able to talk with him a bit.

I realize this is childish but I felt like she was “stepping on my territory”. She has never showed interest in him until I said that I was. I wish I could’ve shot daggers out of my eyes. I felt a little betrayed. She texted me yesterday about something and so I asked, hey give me the low down on what you learned about him. I did overhear that he had an interview. So she shared what she had learned about him and then had the nerve to ask “did you get to talk to him at all?”. I was trying to be nice and shaking it off but the sheer stupidity of the question upset me. Umm no, Cat you monopolized his time don’t play dumb. You were sitting right next to us. I composed myself and replied, I got in a few sentences. I heard you and Sam talking and was going to join in but it was heard to hear. Her response? “Sorry! It was really loud in there. Those brunchers can get real rowdy”. I didn’t respond.

I’m Flabbergasted!!! I’ve know Cat for 13 years ever since college. We’ve been pretty good friends and she is normally my +1 to events. She does have a problem with lying or adjusting the truth. She was sharing a story at brunch and to myself I thought, hmm I was there and that isn’t exactly how that happened. Two weekends ago we all went out to watch basketball and I invited Sam. Cat doesn’t stay up on Basketball and originally wasnt going. Her plans changed the day of and she came with us. She said are you sure it’s ok if I come? It’s your big night. I looked at her a little weird and she said Sam is coming right? I said no he couldn’t make it.

So what do you think? I’m not afraid to uninvite her if this is how she is going to be. I know it should be hoes before bros but I believe there is a girl code. I’m going to see her on Friday night and im going to have to bite my tongue.

Comment: Is there a way to invite Sam and not invite Cat so she doesn’t pull whatever it is she pulled? If Cat isn’t interested in him, then it shouldn’t matter. Or is she? Or do you think maybe Sam is interested in her?

Quite possibly she could be moving in, or maybe just doesn’t want you to have him, I’m not sure. But there’s gotta be a way to do a function that she doesn’t attend, right? And if she’s the one that’s always late, how are you not sitting next to him each time? I don’t get that part. Or maybe you were but she took over the conversation. You should put together something where Cat doesn’t attend and/or be more aggressive when talking to him.

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6 Comments

6 Comments

  1. rob22

    March 3, 2016 at 8:58 AM

    From the High Schooler: This is what’s called “Graduating at Christmas”. It happens when a college student, away from their parents for the first time, parties it up & mismanages their time so poorly that they have to come home. Usually the disgusted, and paying, parents are the ones that bring them home. Colleges don’t like to talk about this, but it happens to close to 25% of their student population & 50% of their Freshman enrollees won’t graduate there. That’s an ugly little secret.

    He’s likely pretty embarrassed to have messed up his first opportunity at freedom, and that’s likely why he hasn’t said anything. Basically, he’s come home with his tail between his legs.

    As for any kind of romance. Really nothing good can come of a 16 year old girl dating a college student. You’re in two different places. You’re young and thinking of romance. He a young adult male who’s mostly concerned about getting laid. A lot. By as many women as possible. If he’s smart, he’ll stay away from High School girls. But 19 year olds aren’t often that smart.

  2. rob22

    March 3, 2016 at 11:20 AM

    Does anyone find it amusing that Muddled in the Midwest refused a group date from a guy (who did honestly seem a little sketchy) and then writes in about a group date she just had with another guy? I’m sure there are some details I”m missing, but it wasn’t that long ago that she wrote in on the last one.

    Sounds like the answer…. it must be…. don’t do group dates. They don’t seem to work for you on any level. Because, guess what? If you go on group dates, your friends are going to talk to your man. That’s kind of the point of a group date, so that everyone gets to know one another & so that you aren’t forced to be completely “on” & forced to keep a one on one conversation going.

  3. rob22

    March 3, 2016 at 1:34 PM

    I can lump several of these together in that some women seem to be confused when men say one thing and do another. They say they want to see you, but then they don’t make seeing you a priority. They say they’re into you, but marry someone else.

    Men say all sorts of things. Maybe they say it because they don’t want to tell you the hard truth & look like the bad guy. Maybe they don’t want to shut the door in case you become someone they can sleep with on occasion. Maybe they think of you as more like a friend. Maybe they’re just flaky or crazy. Who knows?

    But you can bank on this fact. If a guy is really into you, really wants a relationship with you and really sees you as a long term relationship, he will see you and see you often. Now, if you’re long distance, no, he won’t see you every day. But damned near every weekend he’ll figure out some way to see you. If he has a job conflict, it might be harder, but he’ll figure out how to meet you for coffee, lunch or a quick drink. He won’t be able to go weeks without seeing you. That’s not the way things work if he’s into you. Write this down. Guys who are into a girl CANNOT WAIT to see you again. So, he’ll figure out how to see you even if he’s really busy and his dog died and he just lost his leg in a ski accident. The leg off thing might be a setback, of course, but he’ll want you to come see him at the hospital. He will BEG YOU to come see him. He might even cry to get you to come see him.

    So ignore what guys say and watch what they do. Believe what they do. That will tell you what you are to him. It’s very simple. Don’t get all twisted around the words that spew out of their pie holes. They don’t mean very much. Now if they do actually tell you that they’re not that into you & want to see other people, you can believe that.

  4. cjscjs711

    March 3, 2016 at 6:10 PM

    I agree for the most part with what Rob22 said.

    Most of the women sound like they want a whole lot more from the relationship than the men ‘involved’ do. They sound like they’re pulling back or certainly not coming forward with as much as the women would like.

    If you have plans to start a family of your own someday, be aware that our biological clock ticks a lot faster than the man’s and once fertility issues surface in a woman, they are complicated, expensive to deal with, and the success rate is much lower compared to male issues. So what I’m saying is, men virtually never feel the same urgency that we do. -Or should! You can waste years and years of your time waiting for someone to come around.

    To the 53 year old – the available dating pool is now going to be quite small. And the ones in it at this age are not going to be nearly as amorous as they were when they were young. I know they all like to imagine they haven’t changed but — So what I’m saying is, if you haven’t yet, the head-over-heels love — not saying it couldn’t possibly happen but it is very unlikely to. At least not with someone your age.

  5. xnuzboss

    March 4, 2016 at 9:48 AM

    Dear Restless, I’ve heard your story or stories like yours many times. You are a classic hotwife or cuckold candidate. It doesn’t work for everybody – and it’s not for everybody – but there are couples who are REALLY into it, whether the husband is submissive or not. I encourage you to explore this, especially at your age. Again, you’re expressing the need in a textbook kind of way.

    Good luck

  6. shouldbeworking

    March 6, 2016 at 8:06 AM

    Has anyone read Emily Maynards book? Is it worth buying?

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