Bachelorette JoJo Spoilers

The “Bachelorette” Episode 1 Breakdown

Jojobachelorette3
Photo Credit: ABC

Now we’re only one week away from the “Bachelorette” premiere next Monday night. It’s just funny how I hear the same things every season. “OMG, I can’t believe her season is already done filming?” Really? It’s the same exact schedule as it has been for the last 6 seasons. The “Bachelor” finale airs the second Monday in March, the “Bachelorette” begins filming that week, and the final rose ceremony happens anywhere between May 8th – 11th. Same. Thing. Every. Season. I don’t know why people freak out over this but it’s like clockwork I hear the same things. It airs the next 11 Monday’s with the finale airing August 1st, then BIP premieres on Aug. 2nd. The following week, BIP will go back to airing Monday & Tuesday nights. Now, one thing to take notice of is that July 4th falls on a Monday this year. The last time the 4th of July was on a Monday was during Ali’s season, and they didn’t air a new episode that night. So if they choose to do that again, it means they’ll have to double up somewhere and either show: A) back-to-back episodes on Mon and Tues some other week, or B) show an episode on Sunday night. I’m sure they’ll make that an announcement during the season at some point.

In case you weren’t following my Twitter feed on Friday, I gave you the short spoiler version of episode 1 which I have now seen. Here it is in a little more detail than what I released on Friday. Enjoy…

-Ali’s last name is Zahiri. His Instagram account is: aliwantsaredonuts.

-Episode starts with a recap of Jojo on Ben’s season. We see her limo entrance, their 1-on-1 in Vegas, him telling her he loves her and that he promises she won’t be blindsided, the final rose ceremony where he dumps her, her being taken away in the limo, etc. Then we cut to the typical shot of the lead walking on the beach talking about her journey with Ben and looking forward to this season as the “Bachelorette.”

-Ali, Des, and Kaitlyn come to the mansion to talk to her before she meets the guys. Pretty much the same stuff you’d expect since we see this a lot now with former contestants giving advice to the lead. JoJo asks “Do you kiss on night one?” They tell her just go with what feels natural. She also asks how do you know if it’s lust or love. Ali tells her if there’s someone you reeeeeally like on the first night, ignore them for a week. She felt her mind was on Roberto too much that she didn’t open herself up to anyone else. Interesting, since basically JoJo falls in love with Jordan on night one. Then JoJo gives the typical “I’m excited and I hope that I find somebody but I’m scared I may not.”

-We then get 8 guys with intro videos – Grant, Jordan, Alex, James, Evan, Ali, Christian, and Luke. Quick overview:

-Grant is a firefighter from San Francisco. He saves lives.

-Jordan tells us he’s the younger brother of Aaron Rodgers. He was once in love, but was so focused on his football career, it ruined his relationship. Now he’s ready to find love. I think it was at this point I threw up in my mouth.

-Alex lives in Oceanside, CA, didn’t know where his life was going, so he enlisted in the Marines. He has a twin brother who’s married who are also in the video, and he says once he saw their marriage, he knows it could work for him.

-James S. (don’t know his last name) had the cheesy intro video. There’s always one a season that’s just over the top corny, and it was his. You remember his bio says his occupation is a “superfan,” so his video is him just talking about how much he watches the show, running shirtless in AZ and doing pushups on rocks, he has watch parties every Monday and fills out his “Bachelor” bracket, they show him sitting on a couch watching last season with friends, and there’s a picture of Chris Harrison on a table that he asks what color shirt he should wear. Dumb.

-Evan is 33 and a director of men’s erectile dysfunction clinics in Nashville. Says he has three boys and then makes a bunch of penis metaphors in regards to the show before ending it with “Mojo for JoJo.”

-Ali lives in Santa Monica and likes surfing and skateboarding. We can definitely tell that by looking at his IG account. Also, we see him skateboarding with his dog in Santa Monica.

-Christian is the most motivated person you’ll ever meet. Says he’s up at 3:30 every morning and in the gym by 4:30. He’s a telecom communications tech consultant. His background is he’s biracial, his dad was white and his mother was black. Said his father’s father was very racist, so he’d pretty much disowned his dad growing up. Now he lives with and takes care of his two brothers, Micah and Justice.

-Luke is 100% country boy. We see him on a ranch with horses and cattle. From a a small town, was in the military for 9 years, and basically they could’ve draped him in the American flag during this piece. One weird thing about his video is that there’s zero mention of his music career.

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13 Comments

13 Comments

  1. cjscjs711

    May 16, 2016 at 10:54 AM

    Considering that they can edit these any way they want, surprised they would be so transparent as to make Jordan look like her choice, from the very beginning.

    Too bad they couldn’t get Nick Viall to show up. THAT would have been funny!

  2. sassybaby30

    May 16, 2016 at 11:36 AM

    I really hope she does not pick jordan

  3. rob22

    May 16, 2016 at 12:12 PM

    cjscjs: yeah, that was weird, except they did it with Ben & Lauren just last season. Though, it’s true that she didn’t get the first impression rose on top of it all. Still, the show let it be known that Lauren was the front runner from very early on.

    It seems like that might make it too obvious for viewers & less watchable. But, for those on this site, it really changes nothing. We already know what’s going to happen. For those who are completely clueless about who’s going to win, and avoid spoilers, there will be plenty of reasons put out there to make you think Jordan has competition.

    The main thing for me is the train wreck. Smilin Pete’s train wreck was leading two girls on to believe they were the one. And then dropping the hammer on JoJo. Bam!! The question is, what’s the train wreck look like this season? RS: gave a clue that the season’s really messed up. Whatever he meant by that is the hook for this season.

  4. angelfish

    May 16, 2016 at 12:49 PM

    I’m sure Jordan and JoJo will have some sort of “devastating argument” that will “threaten their happiness” and make JoJo “doubt his intentions”. Or that will happen with Robby. Or with Luke. Or all 3 of them. Or Chase will snag her right out from under the others. No matter who it looks like she prefers right out of the gate, we will have dramapalooza as usual.

  5. samkwa

    May 16, 2016 at 1:10 PM

    “his butt, his butt” what on earth lol Imagine if a Bachelor acted this way toward a female body part. I haven’t been watching that long so I don’t know, but I’m sure he’d be lit on fire.

  6. rob22

    May 16, 2016 at 1:59 PM

    @angelfish, I’m sure things will setup much like they have in the past. Look at Ben and Kaitlyn’s seasons where it became all about the F2 squaring off. Alf/Nick Cialis – Lauren/JoJo. In both cases, the lead was shown as “torn” between the F2. That wasn’t really true, but that’s the way they framed it. I expect that, if it ain’t broke, they won’t fix it. It will be Jordan and ? Paint by numbers, fill in the blanks.

  7. rob22

    May 16, 2016 at 2:00 PM

    Oh, and I think the only question is whether they play the Jojoisaslut card. Or, whether they play it straight like in Ben’s season. My guess is the former.

  8. angelfish

    May 16, 2016 at 3:28 PM

    Wow! The stalker board has this entire column copied onto their board and they are actually criticizing and bitching at Steve for not having MORE information! ROFL! And they accuse him of stealing their information! Amazing. I mean, that board actually must be made up of men, because I’ve never seen women with such huge hypocritical BALLS!

    Talk about thievery. And they are so proud of it! That is really pathetic. I don’t read there often, but now I feel like I need a shower.

  9. samkwa

    May 16, 2016 at 7:49 PM

    I don’t know why they hate Steve so much and go against his every opinion. Steve hates Nick. They love Nick. Steve isn’t being friendly enough toward Jordan, so now Jordan is everything.

    Jordan already annoys me. What is attractive about his face, honestly? He looks way more like ALF than Shawn did. All these bloggers falling over themselves acting like he’s soo hot while I’m sitting here wondering if they were paid to say it. Literally, wtf. He and his PR team can go kick rocks.

  10. rob22

    May 17, 2016 at 7:47 AM

    @samkwa: can never get enough Alf references. Funny. I wouldn’t worry about the stalkerazzi’s reaction to RS. In the media world Love & Hate = readers & dollars. Indifference is the only killer. If they don’t care, they don’t click, they don’t read and they don’t comment. Hate also = extreme interest. It’s sometimes even better than Love for a media person. Even though I know RS sneaks peeks at the comments, he’s never altered his approach to placate the haters.

  11. rob22

    May 17, 2016 at 8:02 AM

    One funny thing about media hate. There was a sports blogger on Yahoo named Chris Chase. He wrote inanely stupid articles and developed a LARGE following of haters. You wanted to read Chase’s blogs just to read the hilarious comments section from the haters. The main themes were, after ripping whatever he wrote, that Chase should be fired, killed, burned at the stake, sexually assaulted etc. The comments were way beyond any of the mean tweets you see on TV. The hate was STRONG. The thinking was that, at best, he would barely hang on to his job. But, instead, he got hired by USA Today at a substantial pay increase. Seems all the haters read all his stuff and commented VERY frequently. Ultimately USA Today didn’t care at all that he wrote like a 3rd grader. They cared about the interest level in what he wrote, even if that interest was almost all extremely negative. FYI: seems he is at Fox Sports these days. Oddly he apparently didn’t have a comment section at USA Today, which probably killed all the fun.

  12. cjscjs711

    May 17, 2016 at 8:48 AM

    I just went over to ‘that other site’. It’s too much work for me to read through all their “sleuthing” to figure out what’s happening. Kind of interesting to see their thought processes but I really don’t have the time. One of the rules of the board is they must cite their sources and posts without sources will be deleted.

  13. rob22

    May 18, 2016 at 6:12 AM

    I think I’ll stick with irresponsible speculation over investigative reporting. It’s really not important enough to worry about citing “sources” for my comment posts. That’s WAY too serious for me. Not to mention that most of my posts would be deleted under that kind of scrutiny.

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