Reality Steve

Bachelorette JoJo Spoilers

The “Bachelorette” Episode 1 Breakdown

Photo Credit: ABC

-Once inside the cocktail party, it was basically the JoJo and Jordan show. Ali steals her first and he does pushups with her on his back.

-Derek tells her he’s shy and kind of a nerd. Was told he used to look like Harry Potter.

-At this point, JoJo is saying on ITM’s how nervous the guys seem and she doesn’t have any instant connection with anyone. Well, guess who we see her talking to next? Jordan. She says she feels that “natural ease.” He gives her his jacket. He makes her feel “confident and sexy and helping my nerves go away.” Jordan tells her he’s in “media and sports broadcasting.” Generic. Says that he used to play, but he retired almost a year ago, which is completely laughable. Jordan Rodgers never took a snap in an NFL game in his life. You didn’t retire. No one wanted you. Big difference. Anyway, once they’re done with their love fest, Jordan is bummed he didn’t kiss her. He felt like he should’ve and thinks he missed his chance.

-We see her short time with a couple other guys, then we see her with Will who has Origami with him. He tells her to pick a color and she says “red.” Then numbers and it’s 5-6-1-2. That means she has to kiss him and she gives him a peck on the lips. Then we see her immediately after that in an ITM say “I wasn’t ready for a kiss with Will. It was awkward.” And whaddya’ know, the very next scene is Jordan coming to steal JoJo away and he finally gets his make out with her. As Jordan walks away, JoJo says, “His butt…his butt…I gotta start doing squats.” Jesus woman. I’m guessing if giving fellatio on night one was an accepted behavior, JoJo probably would’ve done it with Jordan. She certainly made it known from the get go who her front runner was.

-Chad had a lot of ITM’s spaced throughout the night where he’s basically just sh** talking a lot of the other guys and pumping himself up. Then when he sits down with JoJo, he acts completely different and tries to be all sensitive and vulnerable. JoJo says afterwards “Chad is surprisingly vulnerable. I saw a soft side to him. He’s very mysterious. I can’t pinpoint it.” A quick flip to Chad’s ITM after his talk and we hear him saying, “I’m content. If I wanted her, I could have her. I’m a manlier version of Ben.” Aaaaaannd scene. We all know where this is headed this season with Chad as I told you a month ago he’s this season’s villain. Made that perfectly clear from his edit night one.

-Daniel talks to JoJo and is completely hammered. Says “I heard you were from Texas. I’ve never been there before because I’m from Canada.” Then just rambles on about something he saw on YouTube and JoJo is clueless. We then see him talking to the other guys in the kitchen about what he’s had to drink. 2 tequila’s, 2 vodka’s, then he poked Evan’s belly button, which elicited a “WTF are you doing” from the other guys. Then when they’re outside, Daniel takes off his jacket and his tie is abnormally short. Like it barely comes halfway down his shirt. He then starts stripping down to his underwear, he’s flexing for the camera, JoJo tells him to put his clothes on, and then he jumps in the pool.

-After this, JoJo is in her ITM room filming, and a drunk Nick S. walks in, puts his arm around her and starts babbling about nothing. Out walks Nick, then in walks Vinny, who says this:

-We then see more quick clips of her with the guys. Ali playing the piano for her, her sitting on St. Nick’s lap, James fumbling over his words with her telling her he’s a fellow Texan and that his brother lives in Uptown (downtown Dallas) and is married, so the pressure’s on him now. Basically, James comes across as this season’s Joshua Albers. No doubt in my mind he’ll be on Paradise. He told her at least 5 times she’s beautiful.

-Then we see her with Luke, who gave her a pair of boots. She likes Luke’s “silent, sexy, confidence.”

-First impression rose time, and of course, she pulls Jordan aside and gives it to him. We cut inside to Jon who reminds everyone that Olivia got the first impression rose last season. Don’t worry Jon. You won’t be around long enough to even matter.

-The rose ceremony begins, and right before JoJo is set to hand out her first rose, we see someone arriving out of the limo and walking into the mansion. You know by now it’s Jake Pavelka. He hugs her and asks if he can talk to her real quick. You hear some guys saying “Who’s that?” Then others saying “that’s Jake Pavelka.” JoJo says in an ITM that Jake is a close family friend, “almost like a brother to me.” So Jake tells her that they have way too much history together and he can’t let her go through with this without talking to him. Jake: “I want love…for you.” Blah blah blah, trust your gut, heard you got some great guys in there, blah blah blah. It was literally the most pointless cameo this show has ever done, and that’s saying something. It’s strictly for people who don’t follow spoilers and they want to trick people into thinking through a commercial break that Jake is there to compete for JoJo. So lame.

-She keeps 20 of the 26 men. The 6 guys who are eliminated are: Jake (the black Jake), Jon Hamilton, Sal DeJulio, Peter Medina, Coley Knust, and Nick Sharp.

-So there’s your first episode in a nutshell. Obviously Jordan was the front runner from the get go, and from everything I’ve heard for the last two months, I would be pretty surprised if she didn’t pick him in the end. Still waiting for the confirmation I need to run with your final four breakdown. Once I get that, then I will do my best to get you the episode-by-episode spoilers by next Monday. I have bits and pieces spread out throughout the whole season, but not everything put together just yet. But once I know, then you’ll know.

Send all links and emails to: steve@realitysteve.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you tomorrow.

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13 Comments

13 Comments

  1. cjscjs711

    May 16, 2016 at 10:54 AM

    Considering that they can edit these any way they want, surprised they would be so transparent as to make Jordan look like her choice, from the very beginning.

    Too bad they couldn’t get Nick Viall to show up. THAT would have been funny!

  2. sassybaby30

    May 16, 2016 at 11:36 AM

    I really hope she does not pick jordan

  3. rob22

    May 16, 2016 at 12:12 PM

    cjscjs: yeah, that was weird, except they did it with Ben & Lauren just last season. Though, it’s true that she didn’t get the first impression rose on top of it all. Still, the show let it be known that Lauren was the front runner from very early on.

    It seems like that might make it too obvious for viewers & less watchable. But, for those on this site, it really changes nothing. We already know what’s going to happen. For those who are completely clueless about who’s going to win, and avoid spoilers, there will be plenty of reasons put out there to make you think Jordan has competition.

    The main thing for me is the train wreck. Smilin Pete’s train wreck was leading two girls on to believe they were the one. And then dropping the hammer on JoJo. Bam!! The question is, what’s the train wreck look like this season? RS: gave a clue that the season’s really messed up. Whatever he meant by that is the hook for this season.

  4. angelfish

    May 16, 2016 at 12:49 PM

    I’m sure Jordan and JoJo will have some sort of “devastating argument” that will “threaten their happiness” and make JoJo “doubt his intentions”. Or that will happen with Robby. Or with Luke. Or all 3 of them. Or Chase will snag her right out from under the others. No matter who it looks like she prefers right out of the gate, we will have dramapalooza as usual.

  5. samkwa

    May 16, 2016 at 1:10 PM

    “his butt, his butt” what on earth lol Imagine if a Bachelor acted this way toward a female body part. I haven’t been watching that long so I don’t know, but I’m sure he’d be lit on fire.

  6. rob22

    May 16, 2016 at 1:59 PM

    @angelfish, I’m sure things will setup much like they have in the past. Look at Ben and Kaitlyn’s seasons where it became all about the F2 squaring off. Alf/Nick Cialis – Lauren/JoJo. In both cases, the lead was shown as “torn” between the F2. That wasn’t really true, but that’s the way they framed it. I expect that, if it ain’t broke, they won’t fix it. It will be Jordan and ? Paint by numbers, fill in the blanks.

  7. rob22

    May 16, 2016 at 2:00 PM

    Oh, and I think the only question is whether they play the Jojoisaslut card. Or, whether they play it straight like in Ben’s season. My guess is the former.

  8. angelfish

    May 16, 2016 at 3:28 PM

    Wow! The stalker board has this entire column copied onto their board and they are actually criticizing and bitching at Steve for not having MORE information! ROFL! And they accuse him of stealing their information! Amazing. I mean, that board actually must be made up of men, because I’ve never seen women with such huge hypocritical BALLS!

    Talk about thievery. And they are so proud of it! That is really pathetic. I don’t read there often, but now I feel like I need a shower.

  9. samkwa

    May 16, 2016 at 7:49 PM

    I don’t know why they hate Steve so much and go against his every opinion. Steve hates Nick. They love Nick. Steve isn’t being friendly enough toward Jordan, so now Jordan is everything.

    Jordan already annoys me. What is attractive about his face, honestly? He looks way more like ALF than Shawn did. All these bloggers falling over themselves acting like he’s soo hot while I’m sitting here wondering if they were paid to say it. Literally, wtf. He and his PR team can go kick rocks.

  10. rob22

    May 17, 2016 at 7:47 AM

    @samkwa: can never get enough Alf references. Funny. I wouldn’t worry about the stalkerazzi’s reaction to RS. In the media world Love & Hate = readers & dollars. Indifference is the only killer. If they don’t care, they don’t click, they don’t read and they don’t comment. Hate also = extreme interest. It’s sometimes even better than Love for a media person. Even though I know RS sneaks peeks at the comments, he’s never altered his approach to placate the haters.

  11. rob22

    May 17, 2016 at 8:02 AM

    One funny thing about media hate. There was a sports blogger on Yahoo named Chris Chase. He wrote inanely stupid articles and developed a LARGE following of haters. You wanted to read Chase’s blogs just to read the hilarious comments section from the haters. The main themes were, after ripping whatever he wrote, that Chase should be fired, killed, burned at the stake, sexually assaulted etc. The comments were way beyond any of the mean tweets you see on TV. The hate was STRONG. The thinking was that, at best, he would barely hang on to his job. But, instead, he got hired by USA Today at a substantial pay increase. Seems all the haters read all his stuff and commented VERY frequently. Ultimately USA Today didn’t care at all that he wrote like a 3rd grader. They cared about the interest level in what he wrote, even if that interest was almost all extremely negative. FYI: seems he is at Fox Sports these days. Oddly he apparently didn’t have a comment section at USA Today, which probably killed all the fun.

  12. cjscjs711

    May 17, 2016 at 8:48 AM

    I just went over to ‘that other site’. It’s too much work for me to read through all their “sleuthing” to figure out what’s happening. Kind of interesting to see their thought processes but I really don’t have the time. One of the rules of the board is they must cite their sources and posts without sources will be deleted.

  13. rob22

    May 18, 2016 at 6:12 AM

    I think I’ll stick with irresponsible speculation over investigative reporting. It’s really not important enough to worry about citing “sources” for my comment posts. That’s WAY too serious for me. Not to mention that most of my posts would be deleted under that kind of scrutiny.

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