-Once inside the cocktail party, it was basically the JoJo and Jordan show. Ali steals her first and he does pushups with her on his back.
-Derek tells her he’s shy and kind of a nerd. Was told he used to look like Harry Potter.
-At this point, JoJo is saying on ITM’s how nervous the guys seem and she doesn’t have any instant connection with anyone. Well, guess who we see her talking to next? Jordan. She says she feels that “natural ease.” He gives her his jacket. He makes her feel “confident and sexy and helping my nerves go away.” Jordan tells her he’s in “media and sports broadcasting.” Generic. Says that he used to play, but he retired almost a year ago, which is completely laughable. Jordan Rodgers never took a snap in an NFL game in his life. You didn’t retire. No one wanted you. Big difference. Anyway, once they’re done with their love fest, Jordan is bummed he didn’t kiss her. He felt like he should’ve and thinks he missed his chance.
-We see her short time with a couple other guys, then we see her with Will who has Origami with him. He tells her to pick a color and she says “red.” Then numbers and it’s 5-6-1-2. That means she has to kiss him and she gives him a peck on the lips. Then we see her immediately after that in an ITM say “I wasn’t ready for a kiss with Will. It was awkward.” And whaddya’ know, the very next scene is Jordan coming to steal JoJo away and he finally gets his make out with her. As Jordan walks away, JoJo says, “His butt…his butt…I gotta start doing squats.” Jesus woman. I’m guessing if giving fellatio on night one was an accepted behavior, JoJo probably would’ve done it with Jordan. She certainly made it known from the get go who her front runner was.
-Chad had a lot of ITM’s spaced throughout the night where he’s basically just sh** talking a lot of the other guys and pumping himself up. Then when he sits down with JoJo, he acts completely different and tries to be all sensitive and vulnerable. JoJo says afterwards “Chad is surprisingly vulnerable. I saw a soft side to him. He’s very mysterious. I can’t pinpoint it.” A quick flip to Chad’s ITM after his talk and we hear him saying, “I’m content. If I wanted her, I could have her. I’m a manlier version of Ben.” Aaaaaannd scene. We all know where this is headed this season with Chad as I told you a month ago he’s this season’s villain. Made that perfectly clear from his edit night one.
-Daniel talks to JoJo and is completely hammered. Says “I heard you were from Texas. I’ve never been there before because I’m from Canada.” Then just rambles on about something he saw on YouTube and JoJo is clueless. We then see him talking to the other guys in the kitchen about what he’s had to drink. 2 tequila’s, 2 vodka’s, then he poked Evan’s belly button, which elicited a “WTF are you doing” from the other guys. Then when they’re outside, Daniel takes off his jacket and his tie is abnormally short. Like it barely comes halfway down his shirt. He then starts stripping down to his underwear, he’s flexing for the camera, JoJo tells him to put his clothes on, and then he jumps in the pool.
-After this, JoJo is in her ITM room filming, and a drunk Nick S. walks in, puts his arm around her and starts babbling about nothing. Out walks Nick, then in walks Vinny, who says this:
Vinny gives us a new take on falling in love. What just happened?!https://t.co/tm2mGkRNzt
— The Bachelorette (@BacheloretteABC) May 13, 2016
-We then see more quick clips of her with the guys. Ali playing the piano for her, her sitting on St. Nick’s lap, James fumbling over his words with her telling her he’s a fellow Texan and that his brother lives in Uptown (downtown Dallas) and is married, so the pressure’s on him now. Basically, James comes across as this season’s Joshua Albers. No doubt in my mind he’ll be on Paradise. He told her at least 5 times she’s beautiful.
-Then we see her with Luke, who gave her a pair of boots. She likes Luke’s “silent, sexy, confidence.”
-First impression rose time, and of course, she pulls Jordan aside and gives it to him. We cut inside to Jon who reminds everyone that Olivia got the first impression rose last season. Don’t worry Jon. You won’t be around long enough to even matter.
-The rose ceremony begins, and right before JoJo is set to hand out her first rose, we see someone arriving out of the limo and walking into the mansion. You know by now it’s Jake Pavelka. He hugs her and asks if he can talk to her real quick. You hear some guys saying “Who’s that?” Then others saying “that’s Jake Pavelka.” JoJo says in an ITM that Jake is a close family friend, “almost like a brother to me.” So Jake tells her that they have way too much history together and he can’t let her go through with this without talking to him. Jake: “I want love…for you.” Blah blah blah, trust your gut, heard you got some great guys in there, blah blah blah. It was literally the most pointless cameo this show has ever done, and that’s saying something. It’s strictly for people who don’t follow spoilers and they want to trick people into thinking through a commercial break that Jake is there to compete for JoJo. So lame.
-She keeps 20 of the 26 men. The 6 guys who are eliminated are: Jake (the black Jake), Jon Hamilton, Sal DeJulio, Peter Medina, Coley Knust, and Nick Sharp.
-So there’s your first episode in a nutshell. Obviously Jordan was the front runner from the get go, and from everything I’ve heard for the last two months, I would be pretty surprised if she didn’t pick him in the end. Still waiting for the confirmation I need to run with your final four breakdown. Once I get that, then I will do my best to get you the episode-by-episode spoilers by next Monday. I have bits and pieces spread out throughout the whole season, but not everything put together just yet. But once I know, then you’ll know.
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