Reality Steve

The Bachelorette 12 - JoJo

The “Bachelorette” JoJo Episode 1 Recap – Incl the Jordan Backlash, Ashley & JP (UPDATED), & “Bachelor in Paradise” Casting News

Photo Credit: ABC

-Alex steals JoJo first after their toast, basically to show her, “Look, me marine. Me may be shorter than one of the Lollipop Guild from Wizard of Ox, but me very strong. Get on back. Me do pushups.” Very impressive Alex. And not much of a short man’s complex at all. Considering he gets as far as he did, JoJo must’ve really taken a likening to him and all of his shortness. Like he was a cute little garden gnome she could stuff in her pocket and carry around for 7 episodes. How adorable.

-At this point, JoJo is saying on ITM’s how nervous the guys seem and she doesn’t have any instant connection with anyone. Well, guess who we see her talking to next? Jordan. She says she feels that “natural ease.” He gives her his jacket. He makes her feel “confident and sexy and helping my nerves go away.” Jordan tells her he’s in “media and sports broadcasting.” I’m really trying to hard to figure out exactly what “media” Jordan is in. I hope people realize Jordan doesn’t really have a job. That’s what this show is for. To try and get him one. Strive to be #1 Jordan. Since your brother certainly isn’t helping you get anywhere in life, might as well go this route.

-We see her short time with a couple other guys, then we see her with Will who has Origami with him. Last time I remember using Origami was in 5th grade, so you can imagine how well this must’ve gone over with JoJo. A fake kiss that she basically wanted to no part of, all while she was pining for Jordan to rip her clothes off. And whaddya’ know, in walks Jordan to save the day. As Jordan walks away, JoJo says, “His butt…his butt…I gotta start doing squats.” I don’t wanna say that JoJo and Jordan pulled a Kaitlyn and Nick on night one…I’m just saying that if there were ever two people in this show’s history that wanted to bed down on the first night, it’s these two. Holy crap.

-Muscle Milk had a lot of ITM’s spaced throughout the night where he’s basically just sh** talking a lot of the other guys and pumping himself up. Then when he sits down with JoJo, he acts completely different and tries to be all sensitive and vulnerable. JoJo says afterwards “Chad is surprisingly vulnerable. I saw a soft side to him. He’s very mysterious. I can’t pinpoint it.” A quick flip to Whey Protein’s ITM after his talk and we hear him saying, “I’m content. If I wanted her, I could have her. I’m a manlier version of Ben.” Aaaaaannd scene. We all know where this is headed this season with Isagenix as I told you a month ago he’s this season’s villain. Is it possible that maybe I missed a spoiler and Protein Shake actually kills one of the other men this season?

-Daniel talks to JoJo and is completely hammered. Says “I heard you were from Texas. I’ve never been there before because I’m from Canada.” Eh, hoser? What does that have to do with anything? Then just rambles on about something he saw on YouTube and JoJo is clueless. We then see him talking to the other guys in the kitchen about what he’s had to drink. 1 fireball, 2 tequila’s, 2 vodka’s, then he poked Evan’s belly button, which elicited a “WTF are you doing” from the other guys. I’m not sure what Labatt’s was thinking with his night one antics, but he probably should’ve toned it down a bit. I guess more surprisingly is somehow this Mountie made it through four episdoes. Damn Daniel, really with the manties and jumping in the pool? Whatever producer convinced you to jump in the pool is a freakin’ genius. Good job, hoser.

-First impression rose time, and of course, she pulls Jordan aside and gives it to him. We cut inside to Jon who reminds everyone that Olivia got the first impression rose last season. Don’t worry Jon. You won’t be around long enough to even matter. And lets just say that Jordan receiving the first impression rose is completely opposite of what happened when Olivia received it last season. Olivia started out hot last season then crashed and burned unlike almost anything we’ve ever seen. Jordan started at the top and stayed there. Big difference. So while the wishful thinking of Jon had merit, this thing was pretty much over before it started. Unfortunately none of these guys had a chance versus Jordan. The media/sports broadcasting guy with a litany of women lining up right now to crucify him in the media. Just change your name to Rordan Jodgers, go in to witness protection, and resurface on Aug. 1st for the finale and ATFR. Will probably suit you best at this point.

-The Jake Pavelka stuff was just nonsense. Like, did he have something in his contract from years ago that said he needed to continue making appearances, even 5 years after his “Bachelor” stint. You know what I was praying to God would happen? When Jake and JoJo were having their little pow wow, JoJo would say something while Jake was talking and he’d give her the ol’ “PLEASE STOP INTERRUPTING ME!!!!!!” with the hand gestures and all. You know, like this (fast forward to the 5:07 mark)

I will never get tired of that clip. The balls that it took for a grown man to treat her like that in front of a nationally televised audience is mind boggling. Good job, Jake. Glad you’re taking advice from this dingleberry, JoJo. I’m sure it helped.

-At the rose ceremony, Jordan already safe with the first impression rose. The other 19 guys she kept were: Luke, Wells, James Taylor, Grant, Derek, Christian, Chad, Chase, Alex, Robby, Brandon, James Fuertas, Ali, Nick B., Will, James Spadafore, Vinny, Evan, and Daniel. The 6 guys who were eliminated are: Jake (the black Jake), Jon Hamilton, Sal DeJulio, Peter Medina, Coley Knust, and Nick Sharp.

Send all links and emails to: steve@realitysteve.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you tomorrow.

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14 Comments

14 Comments

  1. atjshelby

    May 24, 2016 at 11:40 AM

    Once a cheater, always a cheater!

  2. rob22

    May 24, 2016 at 12:06 PM

    We shouldn’t be surprised that a lot of the guys are extra douchey. You pretty much have to be a douche to be interested in going on the show. The ego needs to be pretty big & the need for attention has to be bigger. That’s a pretty good start towards being a douche

  3. DaRush

    May 24, 2016 at 12:10 PM

    I find it especially rich that everyone is saying “poor JoJo” when she is basically the female version of Jordan Rodgers. Didn’t she do the exact same thing with her ex boyfriend who she told Ben she was “completely done with” during her time on the show? She got sent home by Ben and went right back to the guy only to dump him when she found out she could be the next bachelorette. The two are PERFECT for each other.

  4. tbta4

    May 24, 2016 at 12:10 PM

    This has the potential to be the trashiest season yet. I am detecting that JoJo has a bit of a potty mouth and an off color sense of humor which should fit perfectly with this douchey group of guys. Should be epic. I also think she is pretty funny. It seems the editing is catching some of her more unguarded moments. Jillian could also have probably filled a highlight reel with off color and drunken observations, but the show was much more “buttoned up” back then.

    As an aside, I don’t think Jordan is the least bit attractive and his hair reminds me of a worse version of Jef Holm’s hair. What all these gals from his past saw in him , other than his famous brother, eludes me. His skinny legs in the skinny jeans was just a bad bad look too.

  5. angelfish

    May 24, 2016 at 12:32 PM

    Not everybody is saying “poor JoJo”. I think she’ll get exactly the guy she wants and she’ll have plenty of time to find out exactly what he’s all about.

    “Poor” JoJo was raised in an affluent family, had her sorority-girl education paid for an her own company handed to her. She’ll reap what she sows. I think she’s basically a decent person, but she’s not some disadvantaged woman who pulled herself up from the mean streets and carved out a life on her own. I think she wants a hot guy handed to her on a silver platter and I think that’s exactly what happens. It’s what the show is really about, so it’s win/win for everybody.

  6. DaRush

    May 24, 2016 at 12:48 PM

    Really? Did you read the article that Steve wrote? How about the two comments before mine?

  7. angelfish

    May 24, 2016 at 1:54 PM

    ^^ Neither comment above yours indicated any sympathy for JoJo or even mentioned her. Maybe do a re-read.

    And I didn’t detect any “poor JoJo” from Steve’s recap either. He really doesn’t care what these folks do to each other, nor should he. It’s not his job. He just reports on what he’s told and what he hears, then lets us know. He may give an occasional opinion, but that’s never what this site has been about.

  8. DaRush

    May 24, 2016 at 2:31 PM

    “Once a cheater, always a cheater!” Insinuates a “poor JoJo” attitude. She is taking Jordan Rodgers down and completely ignoring JoJo’s transgressions of the same type.

    Don’t forget, after it came out during Ben’s season that JoJo was with someone prior to the show, people were still standing up for JoJo and ignoring what she had done. Like the gist of my original comment said, If what Steve is reporting about the two of them is true they are PERFECT for each other because they are basically the same exact person with the same exact relationship morals.

  9. thedoctor

    May 24, 2016 at 7:27 PM

    Watching this scheiB right now. Wow, very under-whelming. Looks like my FF button is going to get a workout. Does seem like less gay guys than usual, but the doucheness is off the chart.

    I usually hate bachelorette, looks like that will not change this season. Bring on BIP!

  10. kimmyfromdablock

    May 24, 2016 at 8:55 PM

    The first thing I texted to my fellow watching best friend from childhood was — “lots of douche-y guys.”

    I thought Jordan was especially douche-tastic with his hair and his skinny jeans.

    My pick would’ve been James Taylor. Not conventionally good looking, but seemed to have an actual personality.

    Call me old, but that fade haircut with a hershey’s kiss shaped mop on top that is so popular with 20 somethings these days is the equivalent to a dude (non-cowboy type) wearing pointy toe’d cowboy boots. Nothing says “hello I’m a douchebag” like that look.

  11. samkwa

    May 24, 2016 at 9:53 PM

    I don’t doubt Jojo was playing along for the exposure. Choosing the highest profile guy plays perfectly into that. I’d say most of her drooling over Jordan was done for the cameras. She was going to pick him from night one, or whenever they had their alleged conversations beforehand. But I saw a constant bitchy & fake air about her last season, too.

    Good on the exes for sharing their side of the story. Why do someone a favor by keeping silent when they’ve decided to be public?

  12. realitysteveaddict

    May 24, 2016 at 10:20 PM

    Thanks for the numerous spoiling years. I thoroughly enjoyed your “predictions” (coz they really aren’t). I look forward for more spoilers from you. Anyway, I won’t be watching this season. Sorry #teamcaila over here. I’ll be back for BIP… so keep ’em coming!

    Good to know that ABC hasn’t lost their touch on casting douchetastic guys.

  13. tbta4

    May 25, 2016 at 8:26 AM

    Douchetastic is my new favorite word. Sums up the night perfectly.

  14. supersparklyday

    May 26, 2016 at 10:53 AM

    I am the one who called her “poor JoJo”, due to the dirty dog she picked. I could care less about her family being affluent or her being college-educated. Who cares? Get.over it.

    She picked the wrong guy, that’s it, that’s all. To be fair tho, abc didn’t give her much to choose from.

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