Reality Steve

Dr. Reality Steve

“Dr. Reality Steve,” Tabloid Reports, Lacy Kissing Frogs, and Luke & James’ Meet-And-Greet

The tabloid coverage this week on the “Bachelorette” has Life & Style magazine dishing their secrets about the proposal. Again, very flimsy reporting here. The whole thing about JoJo ended up with a guy but not necessarily the guy she wanted is complete garbage. Please. She wanted him from day one. That’s them just being dramatic and trying to get people to think something is there that isn’t. I gave you the spoilers on May 23rd of who JoJo chose in the end. Nothing has changed. Do I think they’ll last? Not a chance in hell, but hey, gotta write something in the meantime, right? I think JoJo is a smart girl and realizes that this show was an opportunity to build her brand. Whether or not she gets married in the whole grand scheme of things isn’t really all that important. She will be fine after this show and move on from this drama. The tabloids are gonna hype up some crazy, bat sh** crazy ending, when in reality, they’re all bite and no bark. Nothing to see here.

Forgot to mention this in yesterday’s column, but I got at least 5 emails and a few tweets directed at me regarding Amanda’s snapchat where she had video of her moving. Which, of course, had everyone asking me if she’s moving in with Josh already. While they are an engaged couple, no, that move had nothing to do with Josh. They aren’t moving in together. At least right now they aren’t. Who knows what the future holds for those two love birds.

So yesterday I posted Lacy’s Instagram video of the runaway bride as her little shot to Marcus calling her that in the tabloids. Well, she took another thinly veiled shot at him late last night/early this morning with this tweet:

Not bad. Another turn of the knife on Lacy’s part. But again though, if you think Lacy is gonna do her own interview where she tells her side, it’s just not gonna happen. I think this is the best you’ll get out of her regarding what Marcus said when she responded to someone’s tweet:

Lacy has always been about positivity and spreading love and everyone should love everyone, so it would be completely hypocritical of her to then do a tell all regarding her side of the story and what went down with Marcus. So this is what she’ll do. Take a small shot at him but then follow it up with bless the Lord or something like that. Just so you know that she doesn’t stoop to that level. It is what it is. But don’t expect anything more than little digs like these from her.

Hey, what can $36 get you? Maybe an iphone case? A couple DVD’s? Possibly. But you know what else it can get you? A meet-and-greet with Luke and James from the “Bachelorette” at one of their concerts. Here’s an email I got last night:

“Luke and James are playing a joint show tonight at a Honkey Tonk in Austin (I’m in Austin for work and decided to check it out) and are charging $36 per person for a “meet-n-greet” prior to the show. WTF. They’re also giving roses to all the meet-n-greet fans.”

Ladies and gentleman, this is what this franchise has become in a nutshell. That’s laughable.

On to your “Dr. Reality Steve” emails. Seven this week. Thanks for filling it up the last couple days.

Dear Dr. Steve,

Thanks for doing all of this, you’ve helped me in the past and I love that you have this portion.

I have this friend with whom I, quite frankly, just don’t want to be friends with anymore. We got into an argument in the beginning of April that wasn’t about something huge, but it showed me some very huge issues in the way we both communicate and what we like and don’t like, which is fine, but she is the type of person who pushes that you are wrong because you’re not doing the same thing she is or situations the same way she does.

We’ve never been the same since we got into that argument. Partly because I feel like she keeps wanting to make a problem to prove she was right in the whole grand scheme. She yelled at me the other day for not texting her back until almost 48 hours later (literally two days).

I’ve tried talking it out because we used to be very good friends, but I don’t think it’s working. I am a fan of letting things fade, but we work together in a small office and I don’t want to make things difficult at work, because she would make it into a big deal.

Any tips?

Comment: All you can do is talk to her about it and if she keeps giving you the same lip, then yeah, don’t be friends with her anymore. The fact you work together will make it awkward at first, but eventually the two of you will either say 1) this is stupid, lets talk it out or 2) will part ways and not talk. I don’t think there’s middle ground when you work together. But if you already have in your mind you’re really not interested in being friends with her anymore, then don’t. No one’s forcing you to. Does she add anything to your life? Do you think she cares about you as a friend? If it’s one sided on your end, then you have your answer.

Hi Steve,

Still read your site even though I stopped watching the Bachelor/Bachelorette years ago!

Wanted to ask for your opinion regarding my wedding. My wedding will be a formal Saturday evening event and my original plan was to have it be strictly adults only. My nephew (fiance’s sister’s son), who will be 3, will be in the ceremony and then his Nanny will take him home directly after the ceremony so my future sister-in-law and husband can enjoy themselves. Here’s the catch. At a recent family bbq, my fiance’s Aunt (lets call her Mary) said “oh you know who is so excited about your wedding? Jessica!” Jessica is Aunt Mary’s granddaughter/my fiance’s cousin’s daughter who will be 6 at the time of the wedding. I had no intention of including her. In fact, our save the date did not include “& family”. My future mother in law even caught this and was surprised. So the following to issues came up.

1. No kids at the wedding. Who is going to tell Aunt Mary? She is a very strong woman with a strong personality and this will likely cause an issue.

2. Jessica’s mother was going to do the makeup for myself, the mom’s, and the bridal party. No charge for me and the mom’s, but the bridal party would have to pay.

3. If we have Jessica there then how can I not invite my own cousin’s kids?? I have 1 cousin who has three kids ages 8 and 5 (twins). They are not the most well behaved kids so I really do not want them there. I will also have to include my brother’s fiance’s son. He is very well behaved but I just don’t think a formal evening wedding with alcohol is a place for kids. I already mentioned to her that we weren’t having kids which she was fine with but will have to include her son if there are other kids invited.

After all of this came out my fiance decided out of nowhere that he didn’t mind having Jessica there and that although he doesn’t want my cousin’s kids there he gets that they will have to be invited but in his words “they better behave or i’ll personally kick them out”. He also suggested we hire our own makeup artist so there is no family drama involved. So now I’m stuck with the following:

1. Now there will be little kids at our wedding unless you have some suggestion for only inviting Jessica and no other kids.

2. While I have no problem hiring a makeup artist for myself, my mom and my bridesmaids, my future mother in law has made it clear that she and my future sister in law (who is a bridesmaid) will still have their makeup done by Jessica’s mom. So my future sister in law will not be getting ready with the rest of the group which annoys me but it is what it is, but how do i tell them that they cant get ready at the venue? Wouldn’t it be weird to have one or two hired makeup artist’s doing the majority of the groups makeup with another random person doing makeup for two people?

Also, as a side note, thought I’d get your opinion on something else with the wedding while I’m at it. When we first started wedding planning my mom assumed that everything would be split evenly between my parents and my fiances parents. My fiance’s parents assumed that my parents would pay for most and maybe they would right a check that wouldn’t even cover their guests because that’s the job of the girls parents. Mind you, they basically split their daughter’s wedding with her husbands parents because they claimed that they had a lot more guests. They also have plenty of money to pay for this. So after much arguing they agreed that it would be split in thirds. My parents are divorced so my father will pay for his guests and a third of all other costs (mind you he will probably only have about ten guests at the wedding), my mom and stepdad will pay for their guests and a third of the costs (my parents will probably pick up more, obviously my parents will pay for my dress, they will also pay for invitations, yarmulkes, favors, bridal shower), and my fiance’s parents will pay for their guests and a third of other costs – band, photographer, flowers. I don’t get how this is fair at all. What does being a girl have to do with anything? Your child is your child and my parents will offer to pay for half of my brother’s wedding too. Anywho, just thought I’d share that to get your take on it.

End rant. I’m sure there will be many more issues to come up. I look forward to hearing your thoughts!

Comment: Ok, you kinda lost me on the whole Jessica/kids/mother in law/makeup thing and I read it over and over. I think the basic premise is that a child on fiance’s side is coming that you never invited and there are kids on your side that aren’t being invited because you don’t want kids there. Regardless of if Jessica’s mom or grandma is stubborn, you tell them you have “x” amount of people you can invite, you and your fiancé decided no kids at the ceremony, so Jessica can’t go. Simple. People’s feelings get hurt a lot come wedding time, but if they don’t understand budgets and head counts, that’s their problem, not yours. If you don’t want kids there, then no kids. But if you give in and invite Jessica, then yes, more kids will have to be involved because now it’s being accepted that kids can come.

As for the paying aspect between families, obviously I’ve never planned a wedding before but I’m aware that “tradition” is the bride’s family is “supposed” to pay for the wedding. But that’s not a blanket tradition. Different families do it different ways. I guess you guys are in different boats. His family is under the impression the bride’s family pays for most of it, whereas you’re under the impression it’s split. That’s just something you’re gonna have to come to an agreement on since there’s no law or rule how to do it. Every wedding is different and it’s more about what you think should be done. Might not be easy, but eventually you’ll have to come to an agreement on what to do. That will probably end up being a giant pain in the ass since your families have different views on who should cover what. Good luck with that. I don’t really think anything I say will change anything. My opinion has always been that the bride’s family pays for most, but if I were in the situation, anything they needed help on my family would surely pitch in. And they’d probably even offer to help cover costs.

If my fiance’s family couldn’t afford the wedding that she wanted, but my family could help in any way to make that happen, then we would. It’s about compromising. Different strokes for different folks, but you guys are gonna have to get on the same page at some point before this becomes a mess.

To Dr. Reality Steve,

I am writing for some advice on how to be a supportive best friend to someone who just ended a weird relationship.

Backstory: Someone I am very close to (a good friend) — we’ll call her Allie — has been talking to someone she met in college — let’s call him Bill — since their college days. In the past six months, Allie & Bill have been talking more frequently about things that most people would consider deeply personal — like their careers, their estranged relationships with siblings, their crushes, their fears. Now, I’m all for people talking, and I’m totally okay with people of opposite genders talking even if it’s not a romantic relationship. However, the major problem is that Bill is married and Bill has told Allie that he loves Allie and wishes that he had dated her instead of marrying his wife. He also has admitted that he’s contemplating divorce, his wife has given up on their marriage because she’s crazy, etc, etc.

As a close friend, I talked Allie into ending her friendship with Bill because it seemed inappropriate and I (as well as many of her friends) was concerned that she was getting too emotionally invested in this friendship with Bill. She wrote him a break up email — okay, fine, I actually wrote it — but she modified it and sent it to him. He replied and said he got it, and if she doesn’t want the two of them talking any more, he supposes he’ll have to honor that. (Yay!!)

The question is: how can I continue to be a supportive friend to Allie? She’s starting to realize that this friendship was headed to a disaster, so part of her is relieved that it’s over. But I know that she’s also really hurting because she did value their friendship. Plus, she’s also concerned that she hurt him and that he’s going through a hard time with his marriage, blah, blah, blah.

My problem here is that I have little sympathy for her hurt (because I think the whole situation was a mistake and that he was using her for his own purposes.) I can be pro-Allie and encourage her to be strong and continue to do what is best for her. And I don’t want to overshadow who she is by constantly telling her what to do. I want to honor her and respect her feelings and the process of disengaging that she’s going through. But I really don’t know how to do that. How can I support her as she grieves the end of this friendship and whatever feelings of guilt she still has? How do I not abandon her now that she’s made the decision I’d be praying for? How continue to be a supportive friend through this next stage? Do you have any suggestions? Thank you very much.

Bewildered but bent on being a bestie

Comment: Wow. A five word alliteration. That’s seriously impressive. Great job. Medal for you.

You did the right thing and she did the right thing. That guys is in a crappy marriage and she was something different. If he actually follows through with the divorce (which my guess is he won’t), then she can pursue it after the fact. But it really did either party any good to continue that “relationship” while he was married, so good thing you got her to make the right decision. How do you continue to be supportive? Just tell her she did the right thing and that if her and Bill were really meant to be together, and she wants to believe everything he told her, then he’d follow through with a divorce, leave his wife, and then maybe they can explore something between them. But again, and this happens a lot with married men who leave their wives for someone else – how does she know he won’t do the exact same thing to her down the line?

Yeah, I’m sure he’s not happy with his wife and doesn’t want to be married anymore. But all Allie is doing is presenting him with something different. I get they’ve known each other since college, but I’m also pretty sure she hasn’t seen him, been out with him, had sex with him, etc in an awfully long time. There’s no guarantees even if he does get divorced things would work between them. He’s just feeling lonely and she was the shoulder to cry on, so to speak. I really don’t think when push comes to shove 1) he’ll leave his wife or 2) Bill and Allie will get involved seriously if he does. Sure, she’ll be the first girl he turns to, but as for it lasting? I have my doubts.

You did the right thing by telling her to get out of it, but I think she’ll see that her relationship with Bill was moreso about him not liking his marriage than it was about his connection with her. He’s just feeling nostalgic and Allie is the shiny new toy he likes to play with.

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  1. ppg82

    July 7, 2016 at 11:16 AM

    To the bride…here’s the best solution. Let Jessica come to the ceremony, but then pay the same nanny who is watching your nephew to watch her during the reception. If she can’t, try to find another person to babysit after the ceremony. That way Jessica can still “attend” the wedding, but her parents can have fun and relax during the reception. There is no shame in wanting no kids at a wedding…most weddings I’ve been to have had the same rule. Don’t give in to other people’s demands if it’s not something you really want. You could also look into hiring a few sitters if you want to allow the other kids to come to the ceremony. My experience is that most parents don’t want their kids there anyways, as a wedding is a time for them to let loose!

  2. cf32

    July 7, 2016 at 11:45 AM

    Oh, you sweet bride…You have to what you want. As a mother, former bride, and as a sister/MOH to the bride who kicked out my 10 day old son who traveled 22 hours to be there for a wedding, just make sure EVERYONE is on the same page BEFORE the wedding. Do not worry about offending anyone because that will happen no matter what you and your fiancé decide to do. If you don’t want kids, man up and make sure Jessica’s mom knows that. There is no need to even start that conflict with Aunt Mary, go straight to the source. Chances are your cousin will understand, still be more than willing to do the make up and just find a babysitter. If she doesn’t understand, find a new makeup artist. Yes it would be awkward to have both of them there but family is just that, awkward. Bottom line, its your wedding so do what needs to be done so you are happy that day. If want 1 or 15 kids there, it doesn’t matter. Its OK to be selfish! Just do it sooner rather than later. Good luck and best wishes!

  3. angelfish

    July 7, 2016 at 11:54 AM

    The phrase “If he will cheat WITH you, then he will cheat ON you” is true for a reason.

    And when “he just responds with how confused he is”, he’s lying. He is not confused. He gets the flirting adoration from you without any responsibility, and the comfortable sex from her. He’s got it all, and you have nothing. Ditch his worthless ass and find a real man.

  4. rob22

    July 7, 2016 at 3:07 PM

    Ha. Wedding Drama!!! That never happens. Look, you have the right to invite whoever you want. We had a no kids wedding except a niece for flower girl and a nephew for ring bearer. They were fairly young and useless at it, but we wanted them there. Not other kids. I was the enforcer of that rule because I don’t give a crap if someone has an issue about how we plan our wedding. I had one person tell me up and down that his kids should come because our niece and nephew were there. I told him too bad. They are the ring bearer and the flower girl and that’s the way it is. He got over it. We had one invitee who wasn’t offered a spot for “guests”, but wrote in guests, her kids. I called her and nicely told her that this was a “no kids” wedding. She got offended and didn’t come & we never heard from her again. Good riddance. Why does anyone think their kids are entitled to come to weddings?

    If people want kids there, and some do, great! But who’s wedding is it? Sounds like hubby wimped out & you have to live with it. All I say is be a team and whatever you decide as a team, you decide. The better you can stick to it, the happier you’ll be. Too bad you don’t have me to be the enforcer. Really someone has to have a backbone or your “no kids” rule will eventually turn out to be 50 screaming kids.

    As for who pays what…. if the parents have negotiated and agreed on it, stay out of it. If one of them complains, tell them if they don’t like it to re-negotiate, but you’re not getting in the middle of it. You have enough to worry about. Don’t get sucked into non-mandatory drama. Who Pays is a parent problem. If they don’t want to pay, then they shouldn’t have agreed to it. NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

  5. missannmcd

    July 7, 2016 at 4:55 PM

    I’m in agreement with you Rob22. When my ex and I got married, we didn’t want to be put into the position of feeling like we had to invite certain people out of some sense of obligation. What did we decide? To be true to ourselves. It was our day. We chose a closed ceremony with only a few witnesses that we necessary. Everyone else was invited to a poolside reception, kids and all. We never felt bad about doing as we pleased. That is confidence and power.

  6. missannmcd

    July 7, 2016 at 5:16 PM

    I meant to say empowered.

  7. j1scarlett

    July 8, 2016 at 6:25 AM

    I feel like people should expect and plan to pay for their own weddings, and if the parents want to chip in or cover the whole cost that’s great but Id never expect other people pay for things like that. It sounds like the parents in this case had worked out a plan where they split it into thirds, and they agreed to this so it doesnt really matter what you think is “fair.” If you dont want your parents to have to pay for so much then maybe cover some of those costs yourself, or spend less money…

  8. vessel

    July 8, 2016 at 10:41 AM

    I’m in agreement with pretty much everyone else, bride. It is YOUR wedding, you want no kids, then no kids it is. If Aunt “Mary” is disappointed then she can go scratch. Your job isn’t to bend and make accommodations so everyone is happy. A wedding is never without some conflict. Just always remember it is your day, and you make the rules. Everyone who feels you should do things differently will get over it, I promise!

  9. cjscjs711

    July 8, 2016 at 12:43 PM

    Steve is right; traditionally the bride’s family pays for the wedding. If yours is not feasible, two options I see. 1) Ask your husband to talk frankly to his parents. Sometimes people who have plenty of money do not understand that others may simply not have the money in the bank and think they are just being cheap or trying to get away with something. It is something they should be aware of, that there is some income disparity and see how they handle it. 2) Have a much smaller wedding that your parents can afford to pay for and cut expenses and number of guests. IMO big weddings are over-rated but it is your wedding and you two are the judges there. If a big wedding is going to put someone into debt, that is very serious.

    On the children – I was in a similar situation once and what ended up happening was I had to stay in the hotel with my young child since he was not welcome. It was a close relative and the sting remains even now when I think about it. It would have helped if they had been able to direct me (and others) to perhaps an hourly childcare facility, babysitter, or some alternative. No it is not your job. But people close to you are really quite helpless in a strange town to find their own way.

    The gal with the guy who flirted, divorced, and it went nowhere. There are some guys whose big turn on is having two women ‘fighting’ over them. So they innocently flirt with one while dating another, moving serially from one two-woman scenario to another. They are incurable, from what I have seen. It is continual drama and if you don’t have time for afternoon soap operas, you can live one in your own life, as some women choose to do. Up to you. But he won’t change.

  10. beccaleigh757

    July 10, 2016 at 9:18 AM

    I agree with the previous comments regarding kids at the wedding. I just wanted to add that if Aunt Mary has a problem with it, remind her that there won’t be any other kids there that Jessica could hang out with and you wanted her parents to be able to enjoy themselves and not feel like they have to worry about keeping her entertained or having to leave the reception early to put her to bed.

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