-Next up is Luke’s date. Well, if you can even call that a date. There’s been 32 seasons of this show. Now, I can’t say I remember every single date this show has ever had, but I’m pretty confident that Luke’s date last night (an important one considering it’s in the episode right before hometowns) that got a whopping 5 minutes of screen time, is the shortest 1-on-1 date this show has ever seen. Alex’s date at the beginning of the show literally got 25 minutes of airtime and I believe two commercial breaks. Luke barely got to 5 minutes before the date was over and he was back talking to the other guys. Shows you how much they think of the Luke and JoJo relationship. I’m sorry, but if any of you even had a smidgen of thought that Luke somehow wins this thing, his 5 minutes of airtime last night should’ve dashed all your hopes. They don’t do that to the person who gets picked in the end. Ever.
-Maybe one reason why they had to cut the Luke and JoJo date short on airtime was because Luke had to be medically evacuated away from the date because his pants were on so tight, it started cutting off circulation to his brain. Holy sprayed on pants, Batman. I think Luke’s jeans were as tight on him as JoJo’s were on her. I never thought that was possible but by golly, Luke seemed to pull it off last night. The metro country boy might want to invest in some jeans that actually make his nuts breathe. I think you can get sperm defects from riding your jeans so tight up your crotch, Luke. When you’re ultimately the next “Bachelor,” tell Cary Fetman to loosen those things up. Maybe that’s why JoJo dumps him? He has a better Inner Thigh Gap than she does. You never know.
-On their mini date, they went on a small horse back ride and did some skeet shooting. Man, they really didn’t care to put any effort into this date considering we already had a date in the same episode that had horseback riding with Alex. Sucks for you, Luke. Hey, but at least they’ll probably think of some crazy, fun things to do with you and your girls next season. You know, assuming you get to be the lead. One suggestion: No horse back riding. It’s played out and I’m sick of it. As for the skeet shooting, Luke was totally in his element. JoJo? Not so much. Whether or not we actually believe that she actually nailed one of those plates since we never shot her, the gun, and the plates exploding in the same shot is up for debate. My guess would be no. I’ve never been skeet shooting outside of playing “Duck Hunt” on Nintendo or at the fair, but I gotta believe someone who hasn’t done that multiple times would be able to tag a flying target. But maybe that’s just my skepticism. Or could be just the fact it’s impossible to truly believe anything we see on this show. One or the other.
-Sooooooo, yep. That was their date. Yeah, they went to the stables and made out for a little bit and Luke fed her all the lines one is asked to at this point in the game, but essentially, that’s the whole date. Not even a nighttime portion over dinner where they talk about their feelings more, or a hot tub scene, or even breaking the 5 minute mark on TV. Just horseback, skeet shooting, make out at the barn – done. Luke goes back and tells the guys that the rose ceremony is happening that night and they kinda freak out. Well, James and Chase do since they’re pretty sure it’s between them to be going home.
-Rose ceremony time. Robby is safe with his group date rose, something I’m sure he’ll be making t-shirts, posters, pins, and buttons about any minute now. JoJo: “I remember this rose ceremony for me last season (Shocker, she almost made it a whole episode without referencing last season)…hard night…follow my heart…navigate these relationships…goodbye is really tough…except when you cut your date w/ Luke short and make the rose ceremony that night since you knew exactly who you wanted to eliminate. Meh, details.”
Luke: Relaxed fit True Religion, Luke. There. Don’t say I’m not here to help you.
Jordan: Still waiting on some social media acknowledgement from Aaron or Olivia that Jordan is a person who exists on this planet.
“JoJo, gentleman, this is the final rose tonight. When you’re ready. It’s been two weeks since I’ve been on camera and damn it feels good to be back! The Harrison is back mf’ers! Hey, do you realize that I’ll be taping ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire’ in Vegas the same weekend that Reality Steve is having his party? Steve, why don’t you come join us in the audience. It’d be a pleasure to have you.” (No thanks Chris. I’d rather gauge my eyes out with a butter knife, but thanks for the invite).
Chase: Well, someone had to get the rose.
I actually thought James handled himself about as well as one could in that situation last night. Seemed genuine. He then took to Instagram last night and posted this after watching:
It’s funny, you see his reaction last night on the show, then you watch that IG clip and you think he seems sincere. Yet, you have his relative posting on message boards saying that James really never even got to know her that well and wasn’t all that into her and it brings you back to reality. These people are all acting in some form or fashion. Some are just better than others.
So there you go. We’re down to our final four with hometowns beginning next week. Two of them were spoiled in real time as we saw plenty of pictures from Robby and Jordan’s hometown date back in April. Next week is also the episode where we see JoJo wailing away at the end of the episode crying uncontrollably. I mean, she somehow managed to whip up a few tears sending James away, so I guess it must be tough on her to let Luke go next week. Whatever the case, it should be interesting.
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