It’s back! I’m excited to announce that I’ve teamed with Crowdcast to now hold the weekly live video chats on Thursday nights. It works similar to Spreecast, but it has more functions on my end that will help make it a better experience. One thing that is a tad different is that you have to create an account there to view the show. Doesn’t cost anything, but you can’t just show up to my site tonight at 9:00EST/6:00PST and start viewing. It’ll ask you for your email address and to create a password. If you want to do it now, you can. Go to https://www.crowdcast.io/ and set up an account. About 10 minutes after this column is posted, I will post the video for tonight’s chat. Just like on Spreecast, you can begin asking your questions early. But I’m able to add a poll question that you can all vote on during the broadcast, which I’ll probably add tonight once the show starts. All in all I’m glad I found a service that’s similar but an improved version of what Spreecast offered. The best part will be that once the show is over, when you’re watching it in the archives, you’ll be able to see every question that I answered in the chat and with the click of a button, it’ll bring you right to that answer since, well, I know all of you don’t want to stick around for the whole hour and don’t know when I talk about certain things I did. So bear with me tonight, there may be a few kinks since this is just as new to me as it is to you (been doing tutorials for the last couple days), but hopefully it goes smoothly. See you tonight, and go register so you can watch and participate in tonight’s chat.
A couple people have emailed me in the last few days inquiring about the Vegas party saying you were interested, I responded right back, and I haven’t heard back from you. So hopefully you’re reading this. We’re getting closer to the end and I want to start finalizing the confirmed list. We’re getting close to the maximum amount, so if you emailed me about coming, please email me back about if you’re in or out. Just want to make sure everything is covered for Friday the 29th. If you received an email back from me regarding it, please respond immediately and let me know what’s going on. Thanks.
For those who tuned in to “Any Given Wednesday” last night on HBO to see Bill Simmons’ interview with Aaron Rodgers, you were probably a tad disappointed. The topic of Jordan was never brought up. Now, considering Bill is a huge “Bachelor” fan, I have to imagine the reason he never asked him anything about the show or Jordan is because he was told not to. There’s no way Bill wouldn’t want to bring that up to him, so I gotta believe it was because he wasn’t allowed. So I guess we’ll just have to be fine with this cryptic tweet he sent out from the other day:
Truth is by nature self-evident. As soon as you remove the cobwebs of ignorance that surround it, it shines clear. -Mahatma Gandhi#ASG2016
— Aaron Rodgers (@AaronRodgers12) July 13, 2016
We got 9 “Dr. Reality Steve” emails today. Yippee! Thanks for coming through. Enjoy…
Hi Steve! I love reading your posts. Thanks and congrats on having your family closer. I have two wild boys currently fighting over a candy bar, so I get it.
My cousin “LC” is like a sister to me. She grew up next door and we spent our childhood together. I’m older and very protective. She dated lots of jackasses through college. Finally she met “OJ.” I thought he was a bit controlling but seemed to love her. When they got married, I saw him manipulate her in some aspects of the planning. But my (actual) sister, cousins and I joked about it.
While OJ was making his way through medical school, sweet, gorgeous LC and her parents financial supported him. His family contributed also but not nearly to the same extent. When they had kids, LC left her teaching job to raise them.
Two f ing weeks before Xmas, OJ left LC, their 5 and 3 year old! Everyone was completely shocked, none more than LC. He claimed they fought too much and wouldn’t try to fix things. He was done. We all immediately knew something was fishy. I mean! They just put a humongous deposit on land to build an even more enormous house than they already had and just decided not to try for a third child. After some detective work, we found that there was a girl at the last conference he returned from on Thanksgiving. He admitted to “confiding” in someone. Whatever.
This girl eventually dumped him. We’ll call her Heather. Heather is a cute, young professional who seems to have a lot going for her. I’m thrilled she dodged the bullet. FYI we’ve never met and live across the country from each other.
OJ and Heather will both be at a big event in Rio in a month (any guesses?). I know she was fed a lot of lies. I’d really like to send her a very brief message to say that basically she dodged a bullet and call OJ out on the lies so she doesn’t get into a comfortable hook up and waste her time on this asshat. Maybe she reads your blog and will get it!!!
My husband would say to keep my Italian mouth shut and stay out of it. But I really want to tell her the truth! What do you think? I’d love to tell his family the truth too, but I’ll wait till the divorce is finalized.
If you lived near me, LC would be the perfect girl for you.
Overprotective Cousin in Pittsburgh
Comment: When you said OJ was a bit controlling, all I could think of was the Juice. That OJ. I thought maybe that’s where the story was headed. Not necessarily murder, but that it was something of verbal of physical abuse. Good thing it wasn’t that.
So OJ and this girl Heather that obviously seems to be the reason he ended his marriage to your cousin have broken up, but they are going to Rio together for the Olympics? Or separate? Does Heather know he’s still technically married or no? If you’ve never met and don’t know Heather at all, I don’t know what warning her about OJ will do honestly. If you were her friend, it’s be more of a decision to make. Just seems like something that doesn’t concern you. Let her figure out what an idiot he is.
Dr. Reality Steve,
I have a beautiful, sweet, two-year-old Lab and I’m a huge dog lover. He is super attached to me – the kind of attached where he won’t go to sleep at night until he can curl up at my feet and put his head over my ankles. He is friendly and happy-go-lucky. He actually just got certified as a therapy dog and I take him to work with children struggling to read, on hospital visits, etc. We just finished a year of intense dog training to make this happen, which has made us even more attached to each other.
I’m not in a relationship right now, but people ask me frequently what I would do if I met a guy who either didn’t like dogs or was allergic to them. My normal response is that I couldn’t date someone who didn’t like dogs. And if he was allergic, I’d expect him to invest in Claritin for the duration of my dog’s life.
The response I get has been surprising. People act like it’s shallow to not date someone just because he doesn’t like dogs. Or they say, “You just might fall in love anyway.” I don’t see this happening.
The other thing friends ask is what would I do if my dog didn’t like someone I date. I don’t see that ever happening because he is such a friendly guy, but he is protective of me and has demonstrated this occasionally with men. Nothing serious…just basically positioning himself between us and staying alert if a guy he has never met gives me a hug.
What do you think? If my dog didn’t like someone I’m dating even after that person has tried to win his affection, should I keep dating him? What would you do in that situation?
Comment: Maddie liked every girl she ever met. It was any males that she took longer to warm up to. So it’s tough to say. I think most dogs warm up if that other person is visiting frequently enough.
I think your bigger issue is whether or not the next guy you date is a dog person. I always thought that was silly before I had Maddie. I wasn’t a dog person at that time, had never owned one, never was really around one, and didn’t understand it. Now I do. When I had Maddie, there was no way I could ever be with someone who wasn’t a dog person. Either you are, or you aren’t. I knew right away with people I dated whether or not they were. It was pretty revealing. So no, it’s not shallow at all to choose not to date someone who doesn’t like dogs. And anyone who tells you otherwise isn’t a dog person. Trust me, I never understood it until I had one. Now I don’t think there’s any way I could have a successful relationship with someone who didn’t get along with a dog I may have.
For those asking, I still haven’t gotten another dog. I’m sure I will at some point, I just have no idea when. If I was actively looking on adopting one, and visited Humane Societys, I would have one by now. I’m just keeping my distance. I’m still not ready. I will be. I hope. But I’m clueless as to when that’ll be.
Hi, Dr. Reality Steve—
I connected with someone named “Bob” on an online dating site in San Antonio. We exchanged messages, and I learned that Bob is from San Antonio, but lives in DC and was only in town to visit family. We weren’t able to meet up during his trip to San Antonio, which I was cool with. We occasionally kept in touch via text. During his next trip to SA a few months later, I invited Bob out to the bars with my friends, he accepted, and flaked. About nine months after, he visited SA for the holidays, and we finally met each other. I had no expectations, but we got along well over drinks. We ended up fooling around but not sleeping with each other. After he got his jollies, I didn’t linger and left on a road trip I previously scheduled. I thanked him for a fun evening.
Bob texted me later than evening to thank me and suggested we do it again when we were in the same city again. I agreed. We did not keep in contact afterwards, which I was cool with.
About 3 months later, I let Bob know that I would be in DC for a work trip. He enthusiastically responded that he would look forward to us finally hooking up. We both made it clear that we were only looking to hook up with each other, and we find each other lots of fun.
I got to DC, Bob came to my hotel, and we did the deed. I enjoyed it, and he surprisingly started to cuddle with me. He asked if he could sleep over, and I agreed. I didn’t mind the cuddling or pillow talk, but sleeping over after a hookup isn’t my M.O.
The next morning, Bob woke up, and I walked him to the door. On his way out, he said several different times on his own accord (I didn’t even ask him what he was doing for the day) that he would call me later that day.
I went to work meetings, and before I headed to dinner around 7 PM, I invited Bob to join me over text. I received no response. He texted me around midnight saying he missed my text because he was at a dinner. I responded a few minutes later very casually, “hope you had fun, enjoy the rest of your week.” We did not keep in contact afterwards, which was a little disappointing since I wanted to hook up one last time I was in town, but not unexpected.
Over the next two months, we do not make any contact. I figure that we both got our hookup curiosity out of the way, and I wouldn’t expect to hear from him again. I was cool with that.
After the second month, I notice he blocked my profile on the dating site and all social media on which we were connected. I was a bit miffed, but I quickly brushed it off and took it as confirmation that he wasn’t interested.
Fast forward another two months after he blocked me (this week), and I receive a generic “whats up” text from Bob. I was cordial, and we made G-rated small talk over text about how each other is spending our summer in our respective cities. A few days later I receive a text from him in the middle of the workday asking when we would hook up again. I replied that I thought he was no longer interested in hooking up. He responds that he is eagerly interested. I politely told him that we didn’t keep in touch (I didn’t mention the social media and dating blocking), so that I moved on (didn’t specify how. I’m not involved with anyone else, but I’ve mentally checked out from Bob). He took it well and said he understood.
My question to you is why do guys like to pop up at their convenience after they’ve pretty much given women the cold shoulder? I don’t mind when I hear every now and then from a guy who never responded to my text asking me for a booty call, but to block me on social media and then ask me to hook up? I’ve never been one to be a stage 5 (nor 4 or 3) clinger, and I’m not looking for anything serious either. I think it’s odd to explicitly reject someone and then sniff around a few months later. Whenever I’ve rejected someone or deliberately not returned their texts, I never proposition them again. Why bother? Do guys have horrible memory, no manners, or just no pride? I’ve seen this happen on several occasions with men.
Thanks, Steve! Please keep up the hard work.
Puzzled About Men
Comment: Because guys think with their penises most of the time. That’s all he was doing. He knew you wanted nothing serious, you both knew it was just sex, he was probably horny, so he contacted you. I don’t think it was any more than that. Trying to dig through Bob’s brain for a clear answer is pretty impossible. I wouldn’t lump Bob in with every guy. If this happens to you 3, 4, 5 more times, then you’re just having sh***y luck. Most guys aren’t like that, even ones just after booty calls. Bob just seems like horny guy looking for fun who probably didn’t even remember blocking your profile.
Dear Dr. Realitysteve
I never thought I’d have to write you to ask for relationship advice and yet, here I am. Never say never, huh?
I’ve been in a relationship for a bit over four years now. My boyfriend and I went through a lot of long distance (we both studied abroad for some time) and yet we always stayed together and were faithful. Trust was always something huge in our relationship, as neither of us are the jealous type. So I was never jealous when he had nights out with his friends or of his female colleagues and vice versa.
Now he had “a talk” where he essentially said he wanted to be single again and find himself. The way he said it was, that he wanted to enter a new phase of his life, where he’d be free and meet new people and where he can also hit on girls on nights out and see how far it could go. And then after that phase was over he’d be ready to settle with so. (if that’s me, he doesn’t know) and since he had “lived it all”, he wouldn’t have any regrets. He said he wanted to talk to me now (we’re both 25) because if he bottled it up, he’d suddenly be 40 and realize he never really LIVED during his single life (side note: we were both each other’s first real, grown-up relationship, so we were single until we both were 20).
Now, at this point I was totally confused because I thought he was gonna break up with me. However, I think what he expected from me was that I would say that I totally felt the same and he could have a free pass for a certain amount of time and do whatever the heck he wanted and so could I. But he also said that he wasn’t sure if he wanted to come back to me, IF we did that.
I’m just extremely confused right now because I don’t know what to do. We said that we would not be in touch for a week (literally the longest time we haven’t spoken to each other) and then we’d meet up again and see if we’d come to a solution. I see one of the following things happening:
1) He realizes in this week what he has with me isn’t something he’ll find again and he wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him.
2) He realizes that he still wants to find himself but wants to be with me anyway. And I could totally be by his side for that and give him all the freedom he wants except for sleeping and making out with other women (duh, I have some self-respect).
3) He realizes he wants to break up with me for good and be single for a certain amount of time. And maybe come crawling back to me.
I just don’t get why you’d throw away a four-year relationship just to be single again. And suddenly I feel like some of the contestants of these stupid shows, where I know what I want but I don’t know how he feels and what he wants. The weirdest thing is that I said I loved him and he said he loved me too. I just don’t get why that isn’t enough?
I hope I could give you enough information to tell me what you think of the situation (it was like an hour long talk with a lot of crying) and what I should do. I’m also talking to other friends but I mainly have girlfriends so I thought a male perspective might help.
Thank you ever so much.
Too sad and confused to come up with a good name.
Comment: There is a simple answer to this one. He wants to have sex with other people, but doesn’t want you to. He’s 25. He’s horny. And he’s been having sex with the same girl for 4 years and feels he’s missing out. Your boyfriend of 4 years just told you he wanted to be single. That’s as clear as day to me. Forget justifying the reasons around it or where this came from, he just changed the whole dynamic of your relationship by saying that. Yeah, it sucks. Yeah, it probably hurts like hell to hear that. But this is what young and in love is. This is what you have to go through in life at some point. Very few of us in this world are with one person our whole lives. Unfortunately, someone you’ve been with for 4 years wants to go out and sow his wild oats and it’s at your expense.
Spend your week without him and see what happens, but I guarantee he won’t be coming back to you after a week and say, “Ok, I explored what’s out there. I’m done. I’m ready to be back with you.” And if on the teenie tiny chance he does, that’s where you tell him to kick rocks. The guy just sh** on 4 years of you guys together because he wants to try something else from the menu. At 25, I get it. I hate it that it happened to you, but he’s not the first 25 year old to do this and won’t be the last. Your relationship with him will never be the same after he pulled this. He can come begging and pleading for you, but now he’s laid down the gauntlet that you’ll constantly be thinking about. At any time he might just up and up leave because he wants to “find himself.” That’s code for “Yeah, I want to find myself. In other women.” Tell him if that’s what he really wants, you won’t be there for him when he gets back. Won’t be easy to do, and probably not something you will probably listen to, but that’s the best course of action.