Dr. Reality Steve

“Dr. Reality Steve” & Live Video Chat Tonight at 9:00pm EST/6:00pm PST

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Anyone that was following along on Twitter yesterday knows now that, yes, I am the champion of all the world in “Quik Drop” at Dave & Buster’s. Been a while since I’d been there. But my niece and nephew somehow had never been. So I took them and was immediately drawn to this game of dropping 50 balls in about a 25 minute span into 5 rotating buckets. Seems easy. It isn’t. After I got the hang of it, I was consistently getting 48 or 49, but could never hit all 50. I’d either run out of time, or I’d have one bounce out. Until I didn’t and I became the greatest player ever – in my own mind. I ended up getting the 50 for 50 five times. So yeah, I’ve now mastered the game and now it’s on to the next one. I’m not sure what game I will dedicate a whole afternoon to now, but I’m sure I’ll find one. And oh yeah, Wednesday’s all the games are ½ off, soooooooo yeah, expect to see me there every Wednesday for, oh I don’t know, the next 3 months. Man, do you know how many boxes of Nerds I can buy with all the tickets I won?

With the finale of UnREAL happening this past Monday night, thought it’d be timely top post this interview with creator Sarah Gertrude Shapiro on season 2, which I liked, but seemed to be widely panned by critics. Sure there were a couple storylines here and there that they seemed to race through or not give any conclusion to whatsoever, but I don’t think that took away from the whole season. I actually liked it. I thought it made complete sense and the ending was very fitting, not to mention, sets up what looks to be a very interesting season 3. You can say, “Well, you’re just saying that because they pay you.” Not true. I agree that some of the storylines were definitely questionable or rushed, but it didn’t take away my enjoyment of the season. I guess I just don’t read too much into the show like the critics did. Not that they’ll take my suggestion, but I would go with a female suitor for the next season of “Everlasting” and it should be Tiffany. That’s a given, right? I think they could make that incredibly entertaining.

The live video chat is back tonight at 9:00pm EST/6:00pm PST. In about 10 minutes after this post goes up, you’ll see tonight’s live chat forum set up, so you can begin asking your questions immediately. I’ll apologize in advance that I’m a little under the weather. I’m through the runny nose phase of my sickness. Now I’m just coughing a little more and my lungs are a little heavy. But I’m a trooper and will battle through it all to answer questions like, “So how does Evan end up engaged to Carly after all this,” which I’m sure to get 971 times. See you tonight.

Here are your “Dr. Reality Steve” questions for the week. Enjoy…
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Hi Steve,

I’m a longtime fan and would love to hear your perspective on something. So I have been dating this guy for about 3 months now. We originally met on a dating app, but have long established that we are exclusively seeing each other. We spend a lot of time together, and he takes me on cute, romantic dates. He’s very affectionate, and I feel adored whenever I’m with him. However, social media gives me the impression that I am just one of many girls he is interested in. He has TONS of female Facebook friends who like and sometimes post flirty comments on his photos. I am also constantly seeing on my newsfeed that he likes (sometimes “loves”) numerous girls’ photos. And I don’t mean photos of a female friend on a fun vacation or at a cool concert. I mean selfies of young (seemingly single) girls often wearing revealing outfits/lots of makeup. He also follows numerous fitness models with curvy bodies very unlike my petite/slender frame. While he constantly calls me beautiful, it still bothers me that I see this almost every time I log onto Facebook. Am I being overly sensitive or is this kind of shady behavior on his part? How do I mention that it bothers me or should I just let it go?

Thanks in advance for your help, Steve!

Comment: Oh, it’s definitely shady behavior. And disrespectful. I guess my biggest question to you is, does he post pictures of the two of you on social media? Because if he’s at least acknowledging you two are an item, it’d still be a little concern why he has to comment or like everyone else’s pictures, but at least they know he’s with someone. However, if he’s not acknowledging you guys on social media, considering how much he uses it, then that’s a big issue and he probably is talking/seeing other girls unfortunately.

It’s funny this is coming from me, the guy who will never post anything on social media about anybody I’m dating or seeing, but at least I have an excuse. I’ve had issues in the past dealing with a stalker who took advantage of that, and I have no idea if they’d do it again, so I just don’t post stuff like that. One of the many “perks” someone gets to dating me. They’ll basically never be acknowledged publicly. At least not for a while. I’m sure that won’t sit well with any potential people I might date, but hey, that’s my life. I’m not doing it on purpose to hide who I’m seeing. I do it to protect them from possibly being opened up publicly to a crazy person who might start harassing them. It’s happened before and caused major drama. So now I’m just way more cautious.
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A while back I wrote to you about a problem I was having with my boyfriend of the time and subsequently broke up with. Since then he has contacted me again wanting to reconcile for the third time; problem is he is still married, still owes a significant debt to my mother, and doesn’t make an effort to communicate with me on a regular basis. He keeps claiming he’s changed but I don’t believe him. I have no prospects and my heart keeps telling me to go back to him. How can I stay firm and not go back to him but also help my mother get her money back?

Comment: Without remembering all the details of what you previously wrote in about, you’re probably doing the right thing by not going back to a guy a third time. Especially when he’s still married. Ummmm, why would you want to go back to a married guy anyway? For what? Funny that he’s claiming he’s changed. You know one thing he hasn’t changed? His marital status. Guy isn’t worth your time, even if he’s promising to end his marriage. Because lets just say he gets divorced and jumps to you. This seems to come up a lot on “Dr. Reality Steve,” but what’s to say what he did with you he won’t turn around and do TO you? Don’t run back to the guy because you have no prospects. That might be the worst possible reason to get back together with an ex.

I don’t know what the money issues are with your mom, but since he’s toying with your emotions, maybe you want to have a little fun in return and toy with him. Tell him you really want to do this and really want you two to work, but the money he still owes your mom is a big sticking point, and until he pays her back, you can’t fully commit to him. Then if he takes you seriously and pays your mom back, you say, “Thanks, but no thanks” and move on without him.

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8 Comments

8 Comments

  1. rob22

    August 11, 2016 at 10:13 AM

    Ladies: the easy way to sort out your issues with guys is to judge your relationship and your guy based on what he does, and ignore what he says. If he says he loves you, blah, blah, blah, but posts pics of other girls on social media, decides to “take a break” from you, gets a new female best friend, maintains a long distance relationship and never sees you, or whatever…. believe the behavior you’re seeing. Any guy can tell you anything & it means nothing. All he’s trying to get you to do is ignore the evidence before you & believe his words. This is much like what’s going on with Jordan and JoJo, if we’re to assume that she’s not just faking it right now until a suitable time for a public breakup.

  2. mesillam

    August 11, 2016 at 12:31 PM

    This is a response for the girl dating a guy in the military. I’m going to give you some tough love and you probably won’t like what I have to say, but you need to hear it.
    Oh honey… Where do I even begin? There are so many red flags in this relationship, and not just with him. Your actions, reactions, and style of writing strike me as very immature, which does not bode well for any military or long distance relationship, much less one with both. Lets start with the fact that you’ve only been dating this guy for six months. SIX. And it sounds like most of that has been long distance. I don’t think there is any way you could know you love him at this point, especially with the way you have been treated. Also, the behavior you describe had to have happened over a very short period of time (less than 6 months) though it almost reads as if this were a much longer time frame. I’m sure you are obsessing over this relationship and it makes it feel like a very long time, but 6 months is nothing. He wasn’t even calling you but every few weeks! It is definitely not an “anniversary” to be getting upset about. (And technically, you cannot have monthly anniversaries. Anniversary comes from the Latin words “annus” which means “year”. People misusing that word is a pet peeve of mine.) It is just hard for me to believe that a truly serious deep relationship could have formed, long distance, amid this turmoil, in such a short time. I think it is probably lust, not love, a “need” to be in a relationship and wanting to avoid the heartache of a breakup more than a mature relationship built on good communication, trust, common interests, genuine attraction, etc.
    Moving on, I want to point out the specific things you said in your letter that concern me. First, his new “best friend” seems sketchy. He has been gone less than six months. That is not enough time to become “best friends” with someone who could “always be there” for her. He hasn’t always been there for her. He’s been in town a very short time. Definite red flag. He’s flirting with her for sure. Maybe even cheating on you with her. But to have your friend comment on her Facebook post is so immature and passive aggressive. It sounds like a scheme cooked up by teenagers who thought they were being really clever. It is pretty transparent and I’m sure your boyfriend and this girl knew that you were behind it. Even the phrasing sounds so contrived. I can almost hear you two giggling after you came up with what you thought was the perfect comment. You should have just asked him about it like a grown up. Later you talk about another female mutual friend calling him. Does this guy not have any guy friends? It just seems odd to me that someone surrounded by other men in the military is hanging out with all these girls.
    Honestly, what concerns me the most is when you talk about his depression. Assuming he is actually depressed and not just unhappy about his current situation, if you want to be a relationship with him, you need to understand a few things. First, you cannot “cheer him up everyday” to cure this. A truly depressed person cannot be “cheered up”. That’s like putting a band-aid on a gunshot wound. It might distract him temporarily, but depression is a deep ache, not one that a cheerful phone call can cure. Second, a depressed person does not have “depressed days”. Some days are worse than others, but it is always there. If he is drinking because of his depression, he really needs to get professional help. He isn’t just having a beer to relax with his buddies, he has become inebriated to the point of memory loss, at least twice. How do know he has kept his promise to stop drinking? You aren’t there with him all the time and he has not proved to be very trustworthy. His drinking could be a major problem that needs to be addressed by a professional.
    My conclusion is, this guy is stringing you along. He has a honey where he lives, for at least an emotional relationship, but probably physical, too, but doesn’t want to just break up with you for some unknown reason. He may like you and doesn’t want to hurt you, doesn’t want to seem like a jerk, doesn’t want to see what sort of passive aggressive immature things you pull he breaks up with you, likes getting action when he is back home, or doesn’t want it to be awkward with your mutual friends. I can think of a lot of reasons he is acting this way. Bottom line, this guy is not treating you well only six months into the relationship. LET HIM GO. The two of you are not good together and both need to do some growing before you get involved with anyone else in the future.

    And I agree with Rob.

  3. rob22

    August 12, 2016 at 7:29 AM

    @Mesillam: Just to add one quick thing. The reason he’s not breaking up with her is not really unknown. He likes her enough to keep her on the side to be available at his convenience. And, more importantly, because she accepts this arrangement. So, he thinks, why not? A girl in every port is so convenient.

  4. mesillam

    August 12, 2016 at 8:04 AM

    I agree. I hope this girl opens her eyes and sees what is actually going on. I have a feeling she won’t actually take any advice and will make excuses for him until after she has found him cheating for the 3rd time and then wonder where it all went wrong.

  5. rob22

    August 12, 2016 at 11:31 AM

    True, these things really aren’t that hard to figure out from the outside. When people are emotionally invested, logic and the facts right in front of them no longer apply. The guy says “believe what I’m telling you, and ignore the mountains of evidence to the contrary”…. and they really WANT to believe. So, they do. I have to admit to one instance of this myself when I was in my 20s. It was very foolish & I have to believe people thought I was a total idiot. They were right too.

  6. dwwatchesreality

    August 12, 2016 at 11:39 AM

    To the poster with the boyfriend in the military:
    I want to take a different approach than the others. Depression is a disease, and I’m not the least bit surprised that it has hit him in this situation. But I think that now that you know this disease is in the picture, YOU have to make a decision: what are you willing to do to support this man and what he needs? Cheerful phone conversations are NOT going to cut it; he needs someone who is THERE, AND he needs professional help. If you aren’t willing to move or travel more, you will have to accept that the void is going to be filled in some other way, and that means he is vulnerable when it comes to this new female friend. I don’t think he is trying to be shady; I think he is trying to survive, but sometimes survival for one person creates issues for another and, yes, displays in less than desirable behavior. I am NOT saying you have to be super understanding from a distance; I am saying that from a distance you likely don’t have a chance simply because you cannot be there for him in the way he needs.

    So, you make a choice. Are you willing to take the risks (which are huge) and fight for this relationship, or are you going to back away? I don’t think you can have it both ways and believe that he will get his head right from a distance and then come back to you. I don’t think you can play it safe when his world is falling apart and believe your love is enough or that you are his future. If this is real, you have to be there helping him through it. If that isn’t your first instinct, then this isn’t the relationship for you. It doesn’t mean you don’t love him in your own way, but it means this isn’t right for you and what you need.

    If all this had started while you were physically together, I would call it completely differently. I would say get out, you’re enabling him. But it feels like the trigger was this major life change, not something inherent to his character, and that I would be willing to take some risk with. Still, it could end very badly and you will have to be prepared to step away the minute you realize you’ve become an enabler or are being played; keeping that perspective when you move to be with someone can be very hard. Are you up for that? If not, tell him that you love him but can’t be what you think he needs right now, and allow both of you to move on.

  7. rob22

    August 12, 2016 at 1:10 PM

    @dw: thanks for your perspective. I definitely think there is validity in your point, except it’s hard to tell, for me, whether there is really a relationship there. Substitute “college” for “military”, and then what do you think? Military conjures up Iraq deployments, et al, that can be very rough & would require a high level of support. And, though I’m not saying the guy couldn’t be depressed, he’s just on a base in the US, not in Fallujah.

    Limited info was provided, but it feels like there was a short relationship of six months and then the guy shipped out across the country. This scenario plays out in all walks of life, and ends up with one, or both, starting to lose interest. Seems like he’s losing interest & is likely looking elsewhere for female companionship.

    Depression is no joke. So if it’s true depression (diagnosed by a doctor), you’re absolutely right. But a lot of people use the word depression to describe things like being lonely, being homesick, being in a place they don’t want to be, having the blues etc. I’m guessing it’s more the latter without more info to the contrary. It’s always hard to tell the details in these short notes that are written.

  8. hilarysaurus

    August 19, 2016 at 3:24 PM

    To the parents of 2 brats:

    They will never stop. My mom and aunt are in their 50s and they still complain to me that the other is the favorite. Both of their parents are dead and still, it continues. I think it’s just one of those things that happens among siblings that are close in age, especially if they are the same gender.

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