Dr. Reality Steve

“Dr. Reality Steve” & My “Deal or No Deal” Legend Continues to Grow

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I don’t want to say I’m a good luck charm or something, or maybe that I’m like a walking four leaf clover, but I gotta say, if anyone wants to rent me out for a day at Dave & Busters to win their kids a ton of tickets at the games, I’m down. I won’t even charge you anything since I could spend a whole day in that arcade and never get bored. Wednesday’s are half off the games at D & B’s and since it was the last free Wednesday before schools starts for my niece and nephew, well, figured we should go there again so I could start racking up tickets. Quick story from this past weekend: We attended a 5 year olds birthday party at a bowling alley that also had a similar arcade to it where you win tickets for playing the games. I played “Deal or No Deal” one time and the case I ended up choosing was the one with the most value to it. Fast forward to yesterday at Dave & Buster’s, and I decided to sit down and play “Deal or No Deal” again to see if I could keep my streak alive. First game I played and this was the result. So I had a 1 in 16 chance to pick the case with 500 tickets again. Guess what I did for the second time in a row? No Deal, Howie!!!

So basically if there was a Hall of Fame for “Deal or No Deal” players, I’d be on the first ballot easy. Whose ever picked the correct case on back to back games in history? I’d say zero people. Erect my statue now, Dave & Buster’s. And oh yeah, I went and played my favorite Quik Drop game again numerous times yesterday and got 50 for 50 seven times. Can I buy stock in Dave & Buster’s? I should with how much I’m contributing to their bottom line.

Live video chat is back tonight at 9:00pm EST/6:00pm PST. Hopefully the kinks of last week have gone away and the video feed won’t keep going in and out. At least the audio was kept on and that didn’t go in and out. Because that would’ve been REALLY annoying. So join me tonight to ask all your “Bachelor in Paradise” questions, along with how tall you think the statue should be of me erected in all D & B’s restaurants. I’m thinking life sized.

Only have two “Dr. Reality Steve” emails today. TWO. Unacceptable! The funny thing is, I think I received four emails since last week for “Dr. Reality Steve” that didn’t want theirs published and just to be answered privately. Those that sent those, I will hopefully get around to them today. I have no problem answering “Dr. Reality Steve” emails privately, but just know that I never print names or emails of the people sending, so you are protected when I post these. Anyway, here you go with today’s two emails.
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Hi Steve,

Just have a quick query.

I’ve been single for a few years, and in between a few terrible dates so I’m quite rusty at the whole dating thing. I have a date next week with a guy i met online (he seems normal so far!! haha) and *if* it goes well (I’m not being negative, just going in with no expectations so that i dont get disappointed again) how does the whole texting thing work out after? Do you think the girl should wait to hear back from the guy first or should she just text him anyway?

Thanks for the advice – as I’m that rusty my rust has rust lol

Comment: I think that’s different for every party involved. I personally have never been one that needs to wait 3 days to text or contact after a first date. That seems ridiculous. If I enjoyed myself, I will tell them that usually the night of. I don’t see what ignoring the person for 3 days after a date does, other than make them think you aren’t interested. If you had a good time and you feel like telling him that, then do it. I don’t think if you text him first after the date that he’ll be freaked out or anything.

Now, if you text him after the date and he doesn’t respond with anything, or gives a one word response then you don’t hear from him, that’s probably not a good sign. But there’s no universal rule that works for everyone. Some people are texting fiends, and some are more on the moderate side. You’ll just have to feel him out and see how it goes. If you guys have been texting non stop leading up to this date, then you go on the date, and it slows down, well, that wouldn’t be good either.
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Hi Steve,

Long time reader of the site. Thank you for all the spoilers and honest commentary. Really appreciate it.

I am getting married next Saturday to the love of my life. We were long distance for the first few months of the relationship and then he moved to my state about a year ago and he’s been here ever since. We decided to have the wedding in my home state as we did not want to deal with the stress and hassle of planning a wedding 1000 miles away in the state he is from.

That being said, his family has not been super involved in the process as they are far away and my fiancé is not extremely close to them. I am not close to my family either so we have pretty much been planning and paying for this entire wedding on our own. We have not complained about this at all, it’s just the reality of the situation. Because we are paying for all of it, it is an extremely laid back simple wedding. The reception is at a friend’s lake house and we are pretty much having a giant BBQ. My fiancé was talking to his step mom last week about everything, and she told us she would pay for all the desserts. Now, we were going to do a small cake for us for the cake cutting and maybe do an ice cream bar for the guests to keep the cost low. She then said we should do a 2 tier cake, cupcakes, and a groomsmen cake, and she was also going to buy us a very expensive cake cutter. When my fiancé told me this, I suggested rather than adding a bunch of stuff we don’t need, we could just put that money to something else that still needs to be paid for (like catering) When we told his step mom this she seemed very upset and thought it would be better for us to cut catering costs instead. Am I being unreasonable that I think this is ridiculous? If you are offering to pay for something shouldn’t it go towards something the bride and groom truly need? I hate coming across as selfish but I just thought the money could be better used somewhere else. What do you think?

Sincerely,

Don’t want to be a BrideZilla

Comment: I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I mean, it is YOUR wedding after all. Tell her you appreciate the offer, but you and your fiancé decided desserts really aren’t a top priority for you right now, at least not nearly as much as the catering is. Since you’re doing a wedding on a tighter budget, she should understand. I get she wants to help, but an expensive cake cutter? Like, who needs that?

I don’t think you’re being selfish at all by requesting she help in a different area. If you tell her that desserts really aren’t a priority for you guys, then she should understand. And maybe I’m not an expert on wedding cakes and planning, but you said your wedding is this weekend right? Can a place really whip up a two tier cake, cupcakes, and a groomsmen cake in a couple days? Don’t they need more notice than that or am I missing the boat here? I know you can make a cake in a day, but I thought stuff like that had to be put into the bakery well in advance? Or maybe this is a smaller place that can do it on short notice. Hell if I know. I just know when I get married, I want a big ass cake. With 12 tiers. I have a feeling I’m very much going to enjoy the wedding cake taste testing day. I’ll probably just pretend to not like each cake so I can take a bite of like 12 different samples. Man, weddings are sweet. That should be reason enough to get married. Free cake samples.
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Send all links and emails to: steve@realitysteve.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you tonight.

12 Comments

12 Comments

  1. tbta4

    August 18, 2016 at 8:43 AM

    To Don’t be a Bridezilla,

    I disagree with the advice given to you by Steve. A gift of a specific item is pure and simply, a gift of a specific item which in this case, is not exchangeable at a store. Your soon to be stepmother in law offered to pay for fancy desserts. She did not offer to pay for what you deem to be more important. It is not a gift of cash.

    Although it stinks that she did not offer you money to put towards the catering, the fact is, she didn’t. She wanted you to have all the dessert bells and whistles. It is not polite of you to ask for a different gift of your choosing. It is also a shame she didn’t consider your needs or wants when making this gift. So, don’t make it worse by causing drama. Have that wonderful cake, and eat it too.

  2. keddo

    August 18, 2016 at 8:57 AM

    I completely agree with everything tbta4 said, and RS is giving Bridezilla poor advice. Be grateful for what people offer, and stop trying to convert it into a dollar value that can be applied to a “more important” need.

  3. brohr

    August 18, 2016 at 9:11 AM

    Normally Steve gives spot on advice, but this time not so much. I agree with tbta4 as well. You already asked whether you could apply the money towards something else and she said no. It’s a gift and you should accept graciously. She’s still adding to the reception and you should be grateful for that. You’re getting bonus desserts and that’s not a bad thing. I understand when you’re in the moment that there are items that seem super important at the time, but looking back, should have been let go and not made into an issue. Speaking from my own Bridezilla moments (ahem, sugar cookie stand-off with my future MIL…) Don’t create a bad memory for someone else – all she’ll remember from your wedding is how you threw a tantrum about her desserts.

  4. Jen

    August 18, 2016 at 9:47 AM

    Nope, sorry, I agree totally with Steve on this one. There is a polite way to say, “we really appreciate your thoughtfulness with your gift, but we’ve decided on X for our wedding.” Your wedding is one day, and it should be yours. You shouldn’t let anyone force something on you that don’t want for your big day. You could follow it up with, “I don’t want to step on your feelings or your extremely thoughtful gift, but we just have a vision for our big day. If you might like to contribute in another way, we would greatly appreciate it (i.e. the catering.” Don’t let family steamroll you into THEIR vision for YOUR wedding.

  5. rob22

    August 18, 2016 at 1:17 PM

    Agree with all of the above. If you ever read “Miss Manners” she rails on the fact that people solicit gifts for all occasions. Therefore weddings, get togethers and whatever have become gift grabs for a lot of people. Since you are paying for your wedding, good for you. You get to have your wedding how you like it. But it definitely slides into soliciting gifts if you want to essentially exchange the gift offered for something “better”. Not cool. If someone wants to offer something extra and pay for it, you have two choices. Accept it or decline it. Shifting it to something else is very rude. I expect that’s why your mother in law was upset. She tried to do something nice & you essentially told her what she was offering was not that great, and btw, you’d still like her money for something you want more. Doh. You owe apologies.

  6. kmannone723

    August 18, 2016 at 3:48 PM

    Agree with rob. Plus this could go under picking your battles wisely. It’s not worth it to cause a fight with your mother in law over a cake. Although I wonder why they didn’t offer to help with the cost of the wedding sooner. With technology you could’ve talked and planned this sooner and they could’ve offered to help pay for the wedding.

  7. rob22

    August 19, 2016 at 7:22 AM

    One thing that bothered me a bit is that, traditionally speaking, the Bride’s parents pay for the wedding. Or, if that can’t/won’t happen, then the couple pays for the wedding themselves (usually a budget effort). The parents of the groom are under no obligation to pay for anything except, again traditionally, the wedding rehearsal dinner. Anything beyond that should be completely a gift of generosity. There were some comments that seemed to imply that the parents in law should be offering to pay part of the cost. That’s not the case, at all.

    But, in fact, they did offer to pay for the dessert. Kind of a bonus in my mind.

    I want people to imagine they have a son that’s about to be married. You realize you have no obligation to pay for anything. But, you see that the bride is putting together a budget wedding and decide to help. From your perspective, a nice cake and dessert setup needs an upgrade & the cake was something that was important to you for your wedding. So, you decide to pitch in & make an upgrade to the cake. The bride not only rejects your carefully thought out gift, but says “just give me the money so I can do other stuff”. Hmmm. But the overall point is that they aren’t responsible for paying for anything. Expecting something, really from anyone, is pretty rude. Definitely a Bridezilla moment.

  8. j1scarlett

    August 19, 2016 at 9:09 AM

    Sorry Rob, I think its flat our ridiculous for parents of the groom to assume they dont have to pay for anything at all because of “tradition.” Especially if they are well off and its because just dont feel like it, or think they dont have to because its not “tradition.” And if I had a son I would definitely pay for part of the wedding. I generally think couples should pay for the weddings themselves, and the parents can help out if they want to, but its incredibly sexist for parents of the groom to assume the brides family must pay for everything. And why is that a tradition in the first place? Because the bride is a female and we dont have dowries anymore and the brides family still has to pay for everything to get rid of their worthless daughters? Because thats where I have to assume this stupid tradition came from.

  9. tbta4

    August 19, 2016 at 11:29 AM

    I’d like to reiterate a particularly good insight from BROHR: “Don’t create a bad memory for someone else – all she’ll remember from your wedding is how you threw a tantrum about her desserts.”

    Although you are not now close to your respective families, you could be in the future. Graciously accepting the gift of fancy desserts potentially could be a great memory that helps repair your relationships. For sure, hurt feelings over the desserts now WILL NOT be helpful in the future.

    Believe me, I know. My second wedding was a “Cinderella” wedding courtesy of (wait for it) the desires of my never before married spouse and his wonderful family. I preferred a low key very casual affair. I allowed their wishes to take precedence over mine, in the spirit of future relationship building and good will, and planned a very elegant affair which was not as splashy as what young people do now, but was very beautiful in an understated way.

    Although as adults in our mid 40’s at the time, my husband and I fully expected to pay for our wedding in full, my new in laws were so delighted with what I chose, they paid for well over half the wedding………..and best of all, I still got to pare it down to just one attendant, my son, and none of the silly garters, bouquet throwing, photoboothing and souvenir CD nonsense that rules the day.

    I also received, from my in laws, a Tiffany cake cutter, and I use it with delight at every single family birthday party and they smile when I pull it out of it’s robin’s egg blue cover.

    I hope this helps you see her side. I am a practical Midwesterner at heart, but family relationships trumped my own desires and I am reaping the benefit for more than a decade now.

  10. dwwatchesreality

    August 19, 2016 at 2:37 PM

    How I see Bridezilla’s situation: the step mother didn’t offer to help with the wedding costs, she offered to help with dessert. Obviously to her having a more full dessert option is something she specifically wanted to give. She didn’t offer you money, she offered you a specific item. You can accept it exactly as offered, or let her know you are happy with your smaller scale choices. In the later case, you can add that you would be thrilled if she was still interesting in helping with those choices financially, but would understand if she was not. You only get to suggest an alternative if she then says she would like to consider paying for something else. You don’t have the option of saying the equivalent of “I know you picked out a red toaster but we really want you to buy us a blue coffee maker instead.” You either graciously accept the red toaster or you figure out how to decline it gracefully, which we all know is already tricky enough. The reason she was upset was that you not only told her you don’t like red toasters, you also told her what you wanted her to buy you instead. I totally get that it is your wedding and you should have what matters to you, but that only gets you as far as being able to gracefully decline the the red toaster; it won’t get you the blue coffee maker.

  11. jesspbarnett

    August 20, 2016 at 5:24 AM

    Yeah I usually agree with Steve and even though he made good points I still have to with what tbta4 said. It does suck that she didn’t ask first what you truly need help with and it is YOUR day only and you guys should be the happiest. However, I believe it’s easier to just say thank you and move on. Weddings can get stressful, even small ones and you I learned that being lenient with certain things made me and my husband the happiest in the end. Enjoy your cake and everything and most of all have an amazing day next weekend! (or maybe it was yesterday?, if so, congratulations!)

  12. cjscjs711

    August 22, 2016 at 8:27 PM

    On the calling after the date question, do what comes naturally. There used to be a book called, “The Rules” that laid out timetables etc. that were supposed to ‘work’ in getting your man. As though we’re all competitors or targets to be maneuvered and manipulated into the role you unilaterally decide. If you connected and you feel happy after you come home that you had a great time, would you normally share that moment with a close friend, relative, etc.? We’re all human beings, first, before being date and not-date.

    To Bridezilla, I have seen this before and Steve’s solution will put you one step ahead onto a road full of difficulties with this, your future MOTHER IN LAW, of all people.

    Very few people are good at mind reading, maybe fewer are good at choosing the perfect gift, all the time. If you think this is an inappropriate gift, there will probably be others you will judge inappropriate.

    I do not feel this is inappropriate at all. It’s not like she’s offering to buy you sexy underwear. But you basically told her her gift was not good enough, not what you wanted. As others have said, of course she is going to feel bad, her gift GIFT, being rejected. And told what GIFT would be better, a GIFT you would want.

    I may be biased as a photographer, but the wedding cake and pictures involving the wedding cake are where the memories are – not the plates of food. The most often framed, most requested reprints are pictures of the cake, cutting the cake, feeding each other the cake, the dessert table. It symbolizes the event. The meat and potatoes were your dating. The cake – this day. I think it is wonderful that the mother-in-law wants to help in the creation of this beautiful memory the cake represents. And that you and your guests will remember long after they’ve forgotten what the catered meat was.

    I used to hear all the time, it’s OUR day. We want it the way WE want it. Then the two of you go off and have your own wedding just the two of you. Don’t invite others to share.

    I agree an apology is in order. Perhaps you were frazzled by all the planning and flew off the handle. Keep to yourself, but not thinking that your first step in your journey with your new mother-in-law is an ungracious rejection of her first GIFT, that you basically told her was not a good enough gift, and what would be better for her to give to you as a gift instead. Then if you can appreciate the beauty and sweetness it will add to the wedding, make sure the desserts are placed in a spot having a good background (so whomever shoots the pictures won’t have to spend hours Photoshopping out distractions in the background). :)

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