A common theme that seems to be appearing in emails and tweets since Nick was announced as the next “Bachelor” is that ABC did this just to prove me wrong. While as much as I appreciate it, I think you’re giving this site waaaaay too much credit when it comes to the show. Yes, I’ve been successful spoiling numerous seasons. Yes, the show is aware of everything I write. And yes, I’d even go as far as to say they’ll tell contestants to say certain things post filming to play along with what I’ve released in the spoilers. But I don’t think for a second that they saw me saying that I heard Luke was going to be the “Bachelor,” had a team meeting and said, “You know what? He’s saying Luke, lets go with Nick just to shut him up.” Please. There are plenty of other reasons to make Nick the “Bachelor” that have nothing to do with me. While I’d like to take credit for it, I’m not. That decision had nothing to do with me. They had three viable options of who to go with – Chase, Luke, and Nick – and they chose Nick because, well, they can do whatever they want. And people will still watch. It’s gotten everyone talking, every outlet and entertainment show was talking about the decision yesterday, there’s tremendous buzz already surrounding Nick’s season and we’re still roughly three weeks away from filming beginning. I think they went for a surprise factor this year with the announcement, which they certainly achieved. But I don’t think me saying I heard it was gonna be Luke had anything to do with them choosing Nick. I’d said months in advance back in the day that Chris was gonna be the “Bachelor” and they chose him. Did the same with Andi and they chose her. So to me that shows that what I say doesn’t affect their choice. They’re gonna choose who they’re gonna choose, regardless of what I’m hearing. Chris & Andi’s season prove that out.
I only posted four “Dr. Reality Steve” emails today, even though I had 8. So if you sent me one late Tuesday night or yesterday, just know that it’ll be in next week’s. I saved them because next week is the final “Dr. Reality Steve” (and “Reader Emails” for that matter) of the calendar year. Neither will return until January 2017 when the “Bachelor” starts back up again. So at least I know I have four already for next week, then hopefully we’ll get 6-8 more and have double digits for our final one of the year next week.
As we saw on Tuesday night, Jared, Caila, and Ashley sharing the stage on “After Paradise” was one of the more awkward and cringe worthy moments of the season. Caila never said a word when Ashley was on stage and looked like she wanted to murder someone, while Ashley you could tell was biting her tongue so badly because she wanted to throw Caila under the bus for what went on behind the scenes, but since she’s getting paid by FabFitFun to reveal it yesterday on their snapchat account, she held it in Tuesday night. Well, Ashley let loose yesterday on what the cameras didn’t show and what her beef was with Caila on Snapchat yesterday. I personally didn’t watch, but four people who did watch emailed me what was said, and all four emails were similar, so safe to say this is the story that Ashley told to everyone. In case you missed it, I’ll reprint one of the emails here (no need to post all four). Here’s a summary of what Ashley said:
I’m not sure if anyone has sent this info to you but I thought it was interesting. Ashley was on FabFitFun’s snapchat and she explained the situation that happened before Calia and Jared left. She said that the conversation was heavily edited (what’s new) and that she confronted Calia about something she had said the night prior when she was not being filmed. Calia had told Amanda that she had no problem getting engaged and breaking it off in a few months if it didn’t work out and that she wasn’t that into him or didn’t like him (Jared) that much (I’m not sure which). Amanda relayed this info to Ashley and the other girls and that is what Lace was referencing when Caila walked by and Lace said “I can’t stand that girl.” So Ashley went to a producer and they said go confront her. But since all this happened off camera and they don’t ever seem to acknowledge what happens off camera the producers edited it to look like Ashley was being crazy again when in reality then entire house (according to Ashley) was ganging up on Caila over what she said so that’s why she was feeling uncomfortable and she left. Carly also tweeted that she was on Ashley’s side having witnessed all of this but everyone is still being very vague except Ashely. Ashley said it’s easy for producers to continue her storyline of the crazy and overly emotional girl who is obsessed with Jared then to flip the edit on Caila from being the sweet innocent girl to a not so sweet possibly (probably) fame hungry person. At least not without it being captured on camera (a la Samantha Stephan). I always felt Caila was fake. And if you want to good laugh you should read her blog.”
So there you go. Is it believable? Sure. I mean, there’s a reason not a ton of the contestants there are sticking up for Caila on social media. I was told Caila basically left not because of Ashley, but because what Caila said started making the rounds and she knew she was about to take a ton of heat for it. So this story makes sense. I guess only Caila and Amanda know exactly what Caila said, so if that’s not what she said, people should jump all over Amanda for relaying false information. But it seems what Caila told Amanda off camera was pretty accurate and it’s not like Ashley is making this up out of thin air. I doubt Caila will address it and I doubt Amanda will. So Ashley I guess felt the need to share since it was her edit that was most affected by it.
I get why Ashley’s doing it, but could she have not said anything and just let things go the way they are and not have to make sure everyone knows every particular thing that doesn’t get shown? Of course. But that’s not Ashley. I mean, you sign up for this show knowing there will be edits that don’t make you look favorable. Especially now that you’ve been on the show three times. So while Ashley has every right to tell everyone what really happened, it just goes to show how much these people care about what people say about them. If Ashley wasn’t taking heat for how she acted towards Caila, she wouldn’t have told the story yesterday. But then again, Ashley isn’t different from any of the others. The second they get a bad edit, they run to social media and tell people what really happened – but only when it’s negative. It’s something I will never understand about these people and essentially what makes most of them insufferable. The fact they care so much about what strangers on the internet think about them is mind boggling. But that’s the “Bachelor” world we live in now.
Here are your “Dr. Reality Steve” emails for the week. Some real good ones in here I think…
Hello there! I love reading your blogs and updates, you make the week and
the watching of all these silly shows so much more enjoyable! I feel like
reading your posts is like talking to a friend, I enjoy your humor and
I know I’m late with my Dr. Reality Steve email for this week, but you can
save this for next week if you’d like.
So my question is, I have a job that I love. I thrive in it, people count
on me, I’m good at it, and it’s close to home. The only problem is … I’m
still a “temp” after 5+ years! This company works in such a way that you
indefinitely are a temp forever until you apply for a position and maybe
get hired, but of course tons of people apply from inside and outside the
company. The competition is fierce and it’s pretty much a given you need a
Bachelor’s degree and I only have my Associate’s Degree.
I’ve been here for six years and like I said, I love my job. I really do,
my coworkers and boss are great, this company does a lot of great,
morale-boosting things for us, but the pay is terrible. I make less than
half of what my other co-workers that are hired on make, and it’s
discouraging knowing I’ll probably be a temp forever, unless maybe I go
back to school, which would be hard because I have a one-year old son.
What would you do in my situation? I really don’t want to get a job too
far away from home, I get super anxious with long commutes and I don’t like
driving in bad weather or big cities. I’m also conflicted because the
company has been very gracious with throwing me a surprise baby shower,
working around new sitter hours, and all that. Yes, I know a lot of
companies would probably do that though for loyal employees, though. I
guess I feel conflicted as to whether or not to look for a new job or to
stay with a job I DO love even though the pay is horrible.
What do you think?
Comment: Depends on your money situation. Are you living comfortably with what you’re at now? I know you said others in your company are making double if not more, but I don’t know what that means in relation to what you’re making. If you’re fine and are getting by with where you’re at, but are just looking to possibly make more, then I’d stay where you are. But if you know that you can do better, and deserve to be paid better, then by all means apply somewhere else. Just know the grass may not be greener.
At the current place, you laid out exactly what the deal is. Have you not applied for another position because you have an associates and just feel you won’t get it? I mean, it wouldn’t hurt to apply. Maybe you only have an associates, but maybe since you’ve been there almost 6 years they’ll take that into consideration. I would just keep trying to apply. The worst answer you can get is no. If going back to school is not an option, and they will not hire anyone who doesn’t have a Bachelor’s degree, then you know exactly where you stand with them. You’re stuck in the position you’re at with no potential for advancement. So either you ride that out, or, you make changes to your schedule and work on getting a Bachelor’s. I don’t know what works best for you, but at least you have a job that while it doesn’t pay great, you actually like. Not a lot of people can say that.
I noticed that you mentioned that you are pretty low on Dr. Reality Steve emails this week, so I figured I might as well send you what I’ve got going on at the moment. I emailed you almost two months ago about my breakup. Basically I dated my ex for a year and a half and I thought we were going to get married, and then I was totally blindsided when he dumped me. Long story short, he wanted to focus on his career and he didn’t feel like he could see us together in the long run. I was pretty devastated by the whole thing and really struggled for a good while after it all happened. I’m 25, and this was the only serious relationship that I’ve ever been in. So the road to getting over this has been a rough one to say the least. My ex and I have had no contact other than him texting me Happy Birthday about a week after we broke up and responding to an email that I sent him that was nothing other than a way for me to get closure over everything a few weeks after we broke up. Other than that, I have not seen him or heard from him since he broke up with me 2.5 months ago. I was very close with his mom, so I do talk to her every now and then. I’ll ask about him just in the sense of seeing how he’s doing but I don’t ask any detailed questions about him when I talk to her.
Well things changed just a bit this past weekend. On Saturday night, my phone rang at 12:30 AM (I was asleep of course). I was shocked when I looked at my phone and saw that it was my ex who was calling. I know my ex pretty well, and I knew that it must have been something pretty serious for him to be calling me up (even it was a late night call). When I answered my phone, he said that he really needed someone and he was dealing with some pretty serious shit and he didn’t know what else to do. He said that he didn’t know what boundaries he was crossing but he didn’t know who else to turn to and that he really needed to see me. Now keep in mind, I finally feel like I have gotten to somewhat of a good point with things since we broke up. I’ve even been talking to/seeing someone for the last month or so, but he lives about an hour from me so it’s not really feasible for us to see each other during the work week. Anyway, I could tell my ex had been drinking when I was on the phone with him but I told him that if he truly needed me that I would be there for him, just like I told him when I wrote him my closure email. I told him how to get to where I live (I have moved since we broke up) and he showed up about half an hour later. I could definitely tell he had been drinking when he got there, but I have definitely seen him much worse off than that. I asked him what was going on to make him feel like he needed to see me, and basically he told me that he’s dealing with some legal stuff that has to do with his job. I don’t really want to go into detail there, but it’s a pretty serious thing that could end up in him losing all credibility and everything that goes along with the particular career that he is pursuing. I am no lawyer, so I obviously couldn’t offer him any legal advice or anything like that. I just listened to what he had to say and tried to be there for him. He then told me that he hoped I realized that he was crashing there that night and I told him that was fine. I did not want him driving anywhere else since he had been drinking.
Well, I knew what was going to happen before he even walked through the door that night. I’m sure you are familiar with the feelings that occur when you see your ex for the first time after you’ve broken up. One thing led to another, and we ended up having sex that night and the next morning. Before things happened, he told me that it wasn’t fair for him to be there and that it was really sh***y to me. I had not been drinking that night, so I’m not going to blame having sex with him on that. It was something that I wanted, even though I knew that it would makes things even more complicated. I don’t think that sex with an ex can ever really turn out well for either party involved. So we woke up the next morning, drank a little coffee, and talked a little bit more about his legal situation. I told him again that I would be there for him if he ever needed me and that I still cared about him even though he dumped me (had to throw that in). I mainly said that because he told me that he’s gotten involved in some things that he used to be in before we dated and that really made me worry. However, he is not my responsibility anymore so I know it’s stupid for me to worry about him. I also mentioned to him that I was really surprised that he called me about all of this and his response was that this could be a pretty life changing thing that happens to him if this legal stuff ends up going through. He left, and I noticed later that afternoon that he had left his watch. Now this is a watch that I gave him for one of his birthdays and it’s a pretty nice one. I never asked for it back or anything like that because it was something that I gave him and I wanted him to have it. I still have a necklace that he gave me that I wear all of the time. I texted him about his watch and we were supposed to meet last night so I could give it to him. He flaked out last night and said that yesterday was no good to meet. I really don’t want to have to deal with this anymore and I don’t really know what to do. I’m about to just put it in the mail and send it to his parents’ house (he has moved back in with them for the time being).
So I guess my question is…where the hell is his head at at this point? And where the hell do I go from here? Why is he calling me about this life changing thing? As I said, I have been doing my best to move on and I truly never thought he would ever reach out to me for anything after he broke up with me. I’m also not naive to the fact that he very well could have called me because he was lonely and it was just a booty call. But I know my ex very well…I have no doubt that he probably has many other girls that he could have called if all he wanted was to get laid. Any insight that you have on this situation would be greatly appreciated. I just don’t want to go back to that place where I was after he broke up with me months ago. I apologize for the length of this. Thank you for everything that you do!
So here is the update since I wrote my original email: My ex kept on flaking about meeting me so I could give him his watch (no surprise there) so I mailed it to his parents’ house last week. He texted me last Friday night to let me know that he received his watch. He thanked me for sending it to him, and I told him you’re welcome. Then, last Saturday night he texted me at 2 in the morning and basically asked me what I was doing. His text woke me up but when I didn’t respond immediately he sent me another text that said “good talk.” I then proceeded to call him and he said that he texted me just to see what I was doing. I was actually in another state last weekend to visit my brother so I was not at home when my ex texted me. Sad part is, I probably would have told him to come over had I been at home when he texted me. I know that is so messed up on so many levels, but he is still the person that I want to a certain extent. But he made it very clear to me when he broke up with me that he did not see us together in the long run. So I know it is foolish for me to hold on to any type of hope with him. I absolutely know that he was drunk and that text was nothing more than a booty call.
Here’s my thing though: as I said in my original email, I truly feel that there are numerous other girls that he could text if he was just looking to get laid. I don’t know if he is just continuing to reach out to me at the moment because his work life is kind of sh***y or what. Needless to say, it is incredibly confusing for me and I have no idea what to do. I am still talking to the other guy who lives about an hour from me but we haven’t actually hung out in a few weeks. I know that breakups can be messy but damn, how am I supposed to move on if he keeps on contacting me like this. I want to be there for him but at the same time I am very frustrated that he is calling me or texting me only when he is drunk. Apparently after a year and a half I am just a piece of ass to him. I am rather embarrassed by this whole situation so I would rather you not print this if you get around to reading it and responding (again, I apologize for the length of this email…it’s been a very frustrating couple of weeks).
Mentally Exhausted 25-year old
Comment: I think you pretty much answered your own question. You know you need to separate yourself from him, plain and simple. Don’t worry about why he’s still contacting you or what it means. He’s an ex. He’s comfortable with you. It’s no different than when girls from the “Bachelor” return home and immediately go running back to their exes. Sure they could probably go to other people, but they go to what they’re familiar with. It’s easy, it’s comforting, and they know what they’re getting into. I’m sure that’s exactly how he feels since by the story you told, sounds like he could be in some hot water. So it’d make sense he’d talk to someone he feels closest to, not just some random strange he can get.
And the fact he’s only contacting you when he’s drunk with 2am texts, well, that should tell you pretty much all you need to know. Not to mention why he broke up with you in the first place. I get it. It’s hard. Especially when you never saw the breakup coming. And now that he’s wanting back in your life whenever he feels like it, you feel that you want to be there for him, but also know it complicates your feelings, especially when you’re trying to get over him. As hard as it may be, you have to cut yourself off from this guy, or he’s going to keep doing it, you’ll keep allowing him back in, and it’ll be one vicious cycle. Just have a face to face or a talk about how he can’t keep doing this, you’ve moved on, and this isn’t good for either of you. I know it won’t be easy, and you’ll be tempted to answer his texts and calls anytime he comes running, but trust me, you’ll be better off in the long run without him.
Dear Dr. Reality Steve,
My boyfriend is honestly, one of the best people I’ve met. He’s really sweet, kind, funny, and someone who I truly think has a good heart. We met last May and after talking a for a little while, realized we had strong feelings for one another and decided to start dating. The issue is, my best friend. I used to have this massive crush on my best friend for a while and he knew it but basically said “I don’t want to date you right now”. I kinda gave up on him and know that things happening between us is not likely. Ever since I’ve started talking to my current boyfriend, my best friend was super suspicious because, well, eventually it became obvious that I liked this dude. Unfortunately, my best friend absolutely hates my boyfriend. To the point where I couldn’t even tell him I liked this dude or even dating for that matter. My best friends reason for hating him is because he talked to one of his ex- girlfriends in high school who ended up being my roommate. Quick thing, I don’t trust this girl because when she couldn’t control my life, she decided to argue over petty things and even went so far as to tell one of her classes my personal life. If she could go off and lie about me, I know she lied about my boyfriend. Basically, my best friend talked to her a lot after they broke up and she told him some things about him, but conveniently left out details that would make her look bad. (Example, she said he always argued with her, turns out she would instigate things on purpose and when she told me or my best friend, “forgot” to show the texts where she instigated things).
My boyfriend also mutually dislikes this guy because he believes he took advantage of me due to my feelings for him. I really feel like I’ll have to choose between my boyfriend or best friend, which is a decision I really don’t want to make because they’re both super important to me. At this point, I really don’t know what to do. I minimize the amount I talk to my best friend about my boyfriend, which I don’t think is right. I can’t even text my boyfriend where I’m at without my best friend accusing him of being overbearing/protective. (I do that because he does worry for my safety when I’m out late at night and I would like for him to know I’m okay, he doesn’t force me to.). I’m running out of options and minimizing talk is really not working. I had to ask my best friend for a ride to a bus stop so I can see my boyfriend this labor day weekend and he essentially told me “maybe” because he doesn’t like I’m going to go see this guy. I honestly don’t know what to do. But I’m sick of dealing with my best friend consistently shaking his head when he sees me and honestly just criticizing my judgement. I’d really appreciate any advice from you, because I don’t think I can take this for very long.
Best Friend vs. Boyfriend
Comment: Your best friend surely isn’t acting like a best friend. Does your best friend finally want to date you but hasn’t said anything? Or is it a case where he doesn’t want you, but he doesn’t want anyone else to have you? If it’s the latter, then he needs to get over it. You’ve found someone and you’re seemingly happy, so don’t let your friend destroy it.
In terms of your boyfriends ex that started trashing your boyfriend to your best friend, it’s probably because she’s jealous as well. Outside of this pettiness, are you and your boyfriend having any problems? Are any of the things his ex said happening with you? I think you just need to lay your foot down with your friend saying while you appreciate his looking out for you, your boyfriend is a good guy, his ex is nuts, and he needs to quit meddling in your relationship.
Now, some might say this is similar to the Amanda/Josh situation and my stance on that has been Amanda is in for a rude awakening not listening or seeing the numerous red flags others are bringing up. I think that’s a little more extreme. I guess you can make your own decision based on what his ex has said about him and compare it to Josh, but it doesn’t sound like it’s anywhere near that. Your best friend needs to respect your relationship, which he currently isn’t doing. And if he doesn’t, say you don’t appreciate it and it’d be better off if you guys took some time apart. Nobody needs that drama in their life.
Dear Dr. Reality Steve,
This may be long, so feel free to edit before posting. Also, I know you do this anyway, but just want to say I’d like to kept anonymous.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for five and a half years. We’ve been long distance pretty much the entire time after the first six months or so. We were in college when we met and he told me he was moving, so I was aware of this. He has always ensured that he could visit me very often (usually once every two or three weeks), so that has not been an issue. However, I never would have thought we’d still be long distance so many years later. Anyway, he is an amazing person. He gets along with everyone, is extremely kind, and is generally a very jovial and light-hearted person. His heart is definitely in the right place, and I know he loves me unconditionally.
Considering we have been dating during my transition into adulthood, I’ve also matured in this time and have understood what is important to me. Sometimes I feel I have been missing affection. I have repeatedly asked him to show more passion and affection. I have always been a passionate person, but he is definitely more conservative and avoids PDA (which is fine) but I feel that he also doesn’t show affection privately, except when he wants to get some. Lately, I’ve also been having a tough time because I’ve moved away from all my family and friends for graduate school. Graduate school is very hard and I’ve been here for a while now, and sometimes it feels like I’m never getting out (although I know I will). I have about two years left, but it’s been really hard being far away from everyone. Anyway, lacking happiness in my relationship during this difficult time in my life (when I need to focus on working hard and finishing up school) has been very hard. To add to all of this, he has always been wary of talking about our future. The weird thing is that I am completely sure that his intentions are to be with me and to eventually settle down together. But, he never wants to talk about it. This has made everything really hard because I don’t know what to expect after I graduate.
He is a really good guy, and I think under anyone’s standards, he would be considered a catch. He is kind, respectful, loves unconditionally, and believes in finding the one and settling down. We went through a difficult time many years ago, and that was actually the first time and only time he ever expressed that he intended to date one girl and marry her and that he believed that person would be me (I’m the only girl he’s every officially dated). That’s what’s crazy though. If you knew this guy, you’d hate me for ever hurting him. And I would hate me for hurting him. And I love him. I don’t want to date anyone, and I feel I am not interested in meeting guys or anything like that. If we would break up, I’d focus on school and try to do the best I can to set myself for the next phase of my life, and maybe then I might try to date. But right now, I have no interest in guys, so it’s not like I don’t want to be with him because I want to be with others. But I’m in a quandary. He has no intention of moving to where I live right now, I know internally his intention is to be together after, but right now, I am so unsatisfied by the lack of affection. It is breaking my heart that he won’t understand that I need that and won’t give me that, because I’m starting to wonder if doing long-distance for so long is in vain, if when we’re finally together I end up unhappy because of the lack of affection. It’s like I feel like I had been excusing the lack of affection until recently because I just chalked that up to living afar, but now I wonder if that’s just how it is. What should I do? I love him so much.
Sad and confused
Comment: Sucks that you’re feeling that way, but I don’t blame you. To be in a long distance relationship is not easy. At all. Been there done that. You have to take full advantage of the times you get with each other. And the fact that during those times he’s not affectionate with you, nor does he talk about the future is definitely a bit unnerving.
One thing that also worries me is when you said “The weird thing is that I am completely sure that his intentions are to be with me and to eventually settle down together. But, he never wants to talk about it. This has made everything really hard because I don’t know what to expect after I graduate.” How are you completely sure if he never wants to talk about it. I’m not saying this is definitely the case, but this could be a situation where he actually KNOWS it’s not going to work out long term, but doesn’t know how to tell you because you’re basically all he has right now and he’s biding his time. You have a particular set of needs right now: affection and distance. He’s not meeting either of them and you never know if he will. That’s a huge obstacle. I think you are another person that needs to have a heart to heart, lay out there those two things that are bothering you most about the relationship and gauge his answers from there. But remember, those are just words if he says he’ll be more affectionate and “Oh yeah, we’ll eventually move together.” Sounds like he hasn’t shown any action in 5 years. You gotta be careful. My honest opinion is I don’t think he sees it lasting but doesn’t know how to break it off. I hope I’m wrong for your sake, but, he’s got a lot of ground to make up and it doesn’t look like he’s close to doing it.
Send all links and emails to: firstname.lastname@example.org. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you next week.