Dr. Reality Steve

Podcast #29 – Interview with Kiptyn Locke & “Dr. Reality Steve”

Well, I’m off to Vegas for the 3rd Annual Reality Steve Fan Appreciate Party. Set to be our biggest turnout yet tomorrow night. Look forward to seeing everyone who is gonna make it out. Remember, you can follow along with the trivia contest on Periscope roughly around 9:15 or 9:30pm PST tomorrow night. Anyway, today’s podcast guest is an interesting one for sure. Podcast #29 is with former “Bachelorette” runner-up and “Bachelor Pad” runner up, Kiptyn Locke. I know a lot of you have questions, and I made sure to ask all of them, as uncomfortable as they might have been. Kiptyn & Tenley were a thing for a long time in this franchise. I think most people assumed they’d get married some day. They didn’t. Then I’m sure you all saw that Kiptyn had a son soon thereafter with Samm. We cover ALL of it and then some in today’s podcast. Kiptyn hasn’t really talked much about everything that went down, at least publicly, until this podcast. This is one I don’t think you’ll want to miss. Honestly, this was the hardest podcast I’ve done because even though both Kiptyn and Tenley have moved on and are in their own separate relationships now, I’m sure it was tough to talk about. And next week for Podcast #30, we’ll be hearing Tenley’s side. So make sure to give today a listen. Can’t tell you how much I appreciate Kiptyn’s candor about everything. He didn’t back down from anything and was very forthcoming with his answers. That’s all I ask for. As always, if you want to chime in on what you thought, reply using Kiptyn’s Twitter handle (@Kiptyn) in your responses. Hope you enjoy it.

You can listen to today’s podcast on a number of platforms, but you can also tune in by clicking the player below:


Subscribe: Apple Podcasts, RSS, Stitcher, Spotify
Music written by Jimmer Podrasky
(B’Jingo Songs/Machia Music/Bug Music BMI)

(SPOILERS) Kiptyn joins me to talk about how he got cast on the “Bachelorette,” he sized his competition night one of Jillian’s “Bachelorette” season (4:00), Ed leaving the show then getting to return (10:05), how he felt the morning of the final rose ceremony (16:06), his thoughts on Reid returning at the final rose ceremony to propose (17:44), a hypothetical of if Jillian picked him what does think would’ve happened (21:11), his talks with production about being the “Bachelor” (25:15), going on “Bachelor Pad” and not knowing what to expect (27:41), teaming with Tenley (29:09), his $250k mistake (31:33), a very open and candid conversation about his relationship with Tenley (36:08), how his current relationship with Samm came to be out of nowhere & finding out they were pregnant after date #2 (44:31), his current relationship status & their time with son Koltyn (48:35), Tenley’s reaction to find out they were pregnant (51:51), what he’s doing for work right now (58:11), and finally end with Rapid 10 (1:02:28).

Facebook – Kiptyn Locke
Twitter – @Kiptyn
Instagram – kiptyn

Before we get started on the emails, our resident clown on the “Bachelorette” has finally been eliminated. No, not Whaboom. It’s Blake the App Developer. We all remember him from this Bachelorette parody, right? He’s not happy his boy DeMario is being sent home. Bummed to see Blake peace out so early in the season. I thought we were gonna get a full season of him, he’d make it to the finals and maybe see him win Rachel’s heart. Either way, the quick turn around time and dedication it takes to make these, I applaud comedian Molly Hawkey for making these. Very funny. Until next season hopefully…

Dr. Reality Steve

Hi Steve,

It’s common for guys to come back, claiming to have changed and wanting a second chance. It’s also common for women to carry great (often unrealistic) hope that the change is real. Having just been burned in this situation with someone who told me he’d grown up and matured, only to find a couple of months into it that what were small character flaws in the past were now massive and undeniable major issues, here is my question: When a guy tells a woman he’s changed and wants another chance, is this just a line? And if not, what are some signs women can look for to know he’s telling the truth?

Comment: Well he basically knows he can’t get you back unless he says it, so that’s basically just him getting his foot back in the door. He HAS to say it, especially if you dumped him and laid out reasons A, B, and C as to why you did. The first thing he has to do to get back in your pants good graces is tell you he’s changed.

The best signs to look for? Don’t buy into his words. It’s such a cliché but it’s pretty true. He can say all he wants and talk a massive game. It’s what he shows you that matters most. Plain and simple. Anybody can say they’re going to change. That’s the easy part. It’s actually doing it that shows if he told the truth or not. I’ve been a victim of it myself. Said I’d change, got her back, maybe changed for a few weeks or a couple months, then it ended. Happens to a lot of people, so I would just say go by his actions, not his words, and you’ll know how serious he is about wanting you back.
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Hey-

So this may be super easy and you’ll tell me, “Move on,” “Date other people,” “Get over him,” “Have a random hook up” like all of my friends and family have suggested to me. I’m hoping you have something better in store, doctor 😉

The “situation:”

Colby was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first love, first EVERYTHING. We met our freshman year of college at The University of North Dakota. He was amazing. Super caring, thoughtful, generous, fun, funny, etc. I didn’t date in high school because I didn’t know anyone I really wanted to date. Picky is an understatement when it comes to my taste in men. But he fit the bill just right.

Anyways, Colby immediately joined a fraternity and I spent most of my time there with him and working with the men’s hockey team, along with schoolwork. It was a pretty classic first love-connected at the hip- nothing else matters-type of relationship. Everything was great until he got involved with dealing large amounts of marijuana (and possibly other drugs), months into our relationship. I was pretty neglected during those months/years of him being a dealer, which made me crazy. I would do anything to try to keep him the guy he was when I first met him (because to his family and friends who didn’t know what was going on up at school, he was still that guy.). It took up a lot of time, and it was always so sketchy and dangerous. We dated a total of seven months officially (October 2007-May 2008), but still saw/hung out regularly/hooked-up with each other until October of 2010. At this time he had transferred schools following events that I think ended up kicking him out of the state of North Dakota. We were on the phone one day in October of 2010 hung up on each other after a fight, and after that, neither one of us called the other back. Apparently this was the last straw. We had ZERO communication from October of 2010-February of 2016. We were still “friends” on Facebook, so I knew that he had dropped out of college and moved to California with friends from UND. I went on dates with other guys but like I said earlier, chemistry is hard for me to come by.

Now a little more about me:

I was born in Colorado, raised in Minnesota, got my Masters degree in Speech-Language Pathology from the University of North Dakota in 2013. I got my first position as an SLP at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota and spent a year and a half there. When my dog of 14yrs had passed away in 2015, I decided to start a job as a traveling SLP. This is a job where you cover facility’s maternity leaves, unexpected large caseloads, etc. It is a great opportunity to travel to parts of the world you want to see and explore. I am still young, single, have a new puppy with me to keep me company, so why not? I chose California to start because it was far enough away from home, super pet-friendly, I didn’t know anybody (or maybe one person…) who lived there, and there was plenty to explore! I got to California in January of 2016.

I FB messaged him to let him know I had moved to the area. We exchanged numbers and he texted me a couple weeks later asking to meet up for coffee, because he had a contracting job to do in between where he was living (Costa Mesa) and where I was at (Ocean Beach/San Diego). We met up in Carlsbad. We caught up and it was great. I still felt the same chemistry/connection/love that I did when we first met. He seemed to be back to his normal self, now owns a Contracting and reconstruction company, surfs often, etc. BUT, I did not hear from him afterwards. Obvious sign of “he is just not that into you,” I know. But I did tell him I move every 3 months because of this travel position I am doing… I don’t know L I would totally stay somewhere if I met someone. Being a traveling therapist is VERY flexible. I am the kind of person that is totally fine on her own, but it wouldn’t hurt to have someone special on my team again.

This is so embarrassing. I am 28 years old now and still not over my ex I dated when I was 17…. HELP!

I left OB/SD area and traveled up the coast, my original plan to areas like Napa Valley, Lake Tahoe, and Santa Barbara throughout the last year, but now I am back in SoCal-Escondido area. Should I leave it alone or send him a text that says, “Back in SoCal! When are you taking me out on your boat!?”

This is obviously a lot of information and not nearly as detailed as it could be, but anyways, let me know your thoughts! I am an open book on this one…I’m honestly interest to know if this e-mail even makes sense. It’s hard to describe in one e-mail!

Comment: Move on. Date other people. Get over him. Ha ha…kidding. Sort of.

I just think you’re not over him because you’re single. Nostalgia took over. It felt comfortable. Brought you back to happy times. Well, minus the whole him being a drug dealer and all. But I honestly don’t think it was anything more than that. Your job kind of allows you to pop into town, see him on occasion, maybe hook up, then bolt. So I think that’s what the attraction is right now. I think if anything happens with him in the future, it would be for fun. I don’t see it as being something serious. But there isn’t any harm to meet up with him when you’re in town and catch up. Why not? You have a pretty extensive history with him. But I wouldn’t say you aren’t over him. You’re just hoping to hook up with him again because you’re single and it’s convenient. If you really thought about it, you know this isn’t something long term. That’s the sense I get.

So yeah, give him a heads up when you’re in town. Flirt with him. See what happens. I just wouldn’t set any high expectations of anything other than a nostalgic hook up with an ex. The fact you didn’t hear from him afterwards speaks volumes.
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Dr. Reality Steve,

Okay, I’ll bite, since it’s been a slow couple of weeks for you. (Before I start, re: the spoiler being wrong, even when I thought it was Peter, I was feeling absolutely zero chemistry between him and Rachel. Notice how she had to lean into the kiss, and basically cue him! If I didn’t believe that every dude at least ponders sex with every woman he ever meets, I would honestly think Peter was telling the truth during Ellen’s “Never Have I Ever” game. Like it or not, you can’t deny that Rachel and Bryan are mutually physically attracted to each other. But I digress…) I would love to get an uninvolved man’s opinion on this little dilemma I’m having:

My husband and I were both asked to be in a wedding between two good friends, which is set to take place in September 2018. Super exciting and we are totally cool with that. About 3 weeks ago, the bride asked me if I’d be able to attend her bachelorette weekend if she chooses to have it at Disney World, during the food and wine festival at EPCOT right before her wedding on Labor Day weekend 2018 (over a year away). She also wants to hit Magic Kingdom, Harry Potter world, etc. She’s a Disney freak and this is her dream, blah blah blah, I totally get it. I told her this would probably be too far in advance to give a definitive answer, and she seemed fine with that. She is also aware of the main (but not the only…I’ll get to the rest later) reason I am hesitant to say for sure: my husband and I are planning to try to start a family next year, and theme parks (during festivals where the main focus is alcohol) are zero fun when you’re pregnant. Not that controversial of a statement, I’d think. I was under the impression that when we got MUCH closer to the event, I could let her know for sure (e.g., if I don’t get pregnant yet, or we change our minds and decide to push it back, etc.).

About a week ago, the bride starts asking me about this again. She said that all of the other bridesmaids have said they would go for sure, and she is only waiting on my response. I asked her why so early, and she said my attendance (or lack thereof) will determine whether or not we can stay in one room or two. This is supposedly due to head count rules on Disney property (on which she has her heart set on staying), and sneaking people into rooms is a no-go as your wristband is your key card. Due to pricing/deadlines, I’m assuming, she wants me to give her an answer by January. My issues are:

1. Due to reasons I won’t get into in this letter, we are not planning to try for a baby until February or March, so most likely, I will be no closer to an answer in January than I am now.

2. No disrespect to adults that go to Disney parks every chance they get (for their honeymoons and weddings and s**t), but it really REALLY isn’t my thing. I’m only 28 but already feel like I’m too old for that s**t, costumed characters just as much as roller coasters (hello, whiplash!). And to be honest, I can stay up all night listing things I would rather spend money on than one MINUTE in a Harry Potter themed place. Just kinda completely over it. Not sorry. SO, I thought it might be easier to just tell her to go without me and have fun, whether I’m knocked up or not. Two other female friends (who are also good friends with the bride but not in the wedding) thought this was perfectly reasonable. HOWEVER, my husband disagrees. He knew the bride before me and is really good friends with her, and is of the opinion that I should make every effort to attend, because “it’s her weekend and not yours”. When I reminded him of the timing, though, he agreed that I am in quite the pickle. (Although we are both on the same page and definitely ready, he’s the more baby-crazy one in this relationship.)

Steve, I feel ridiculous even typing this all out, and am mainly throwing you a bone due to a dearth of material to work with, but am I in ANY way obligated to shell out potentially hundreds of dollars to go to a friend’s bachelorette party that seems like it won’t be at all fun for me? Particularly since everyone else is interested and can go, I feel no qualms about telling her I can’t go, right here and now, so she can plan to her heart’s content, regardless of the status of my uterus. Am I a horrible person?

Comment: If you don’t want to go, don’t go. It is her day, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you telling her you can’t commit right now to something that’s 15 months away. She doesn’t need to know this soon. Sounds like she’s just an OCD planner or something. If she says she needs a definitive answers before January from you, then there’s your out. You just can’t commit.

There is a part of me though that sees where your husband is coming from on this. I’ve attended a bachelor party that I thought would be boring and was. But I still went. Sometimes you just gotta suck it up and do it. I guess it just depends on how close you are with her. You said your husband’s closer to her than you, so that tells me something. Other than that, I think you’re fine if you can’t commit. Doesn’t even sound like you’re in the wedding party, she just wants you to go. If you ARE in the wedding party, then I would make more of an effort. Suck it up for a couple days.

You guys have different tastes in what you’d do for a Bachelorette party. That’s fine. But if that’s what she wants to do, as boring as it may sound to you, it’s about her. I would just weigh how not going would affect the relationship going forward versus just going and not having a good time. Hey, who knows? Maybe you’d like it. It’s the Happiest Place on Earth isn’t it? Or is that just reserved for Disneyland? Not a place I would choose for a Bachelor party, but hey that’s me. Revisit this in 6 months and see how you feel then. But if she’s asking for a definitive answer now or even by the end of the summer for something a 12-15 months away and says she HAS to know, then you have your out.
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Send all links and emails to: steve@realitysteve.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page, or listen to all my podcasts at Apple Podcasts. Talk to you next week.

11 Comments

11 Comments

  1. shenanigans

    June 8, 2017 at 9:07 AM

    My comments to the third poster: I hear you. Years ago, I went to grad school halfway across the country, which gave me an automatic “out” for all of the bridesmaid nonsense that was going on back home. And, from my perspective, I didn’t miss a darn thing.

    Everyone notes what an “honor” it is to be asked to be in a wedding party. And, on some level, it is. However, it is an “honor” that comes with a large price tag and ridiculous expectations (like spending your hard-earned cash to go to Disney to fulfill another adult’s “dream”).

    Stick to your guns. Say no for the reason you’ve mentioned: that you simply can’t commit this soon – and you don’t want to mess up their plans. Then, be super cordial about everything else about the wedding and don’t give this Disney trip another thought.

    You owe it to this woman to show up on her big day in the outfit she’s selected and make a big deal out of her. And that’s about it. The rest of it is all optional.

  2. taxionna

    June 8, 2017 at 2:11 PM

    For the bachelorette party:

    I am a long-term planner and even I think that planning for a trip in October 2018 RIGHT NOW is a bit unreasonable. Maybe 6 months from now, but planning a year and a half out is a bit much.

    I would be honest with her – that you are trying to get pregnant and cannot commit before AT LEAST February or March. You know that she would prefer to hear from you before that, so if that is a hard and firm deadline, then you will have to respectfully bow out because you don’t want to put her in a bind.

    Plus, it sounds like you are the deciding factor between one room, and two. Which means that if you don’t go, accommodations are going to be cheaper per person (since it’s probably 4-5 people in a room as opposed to 2-3 people in each room). Win-win!

  3. shenanigans

    June 9, 2017 at 6:27 AM

    I just wanted to make a quick comment about Kiptyn’s podcast. First, he seems like a nice guy who answered Steve’s questions as honestly as possible. However, he did his best to gloss over the obvious: that he has moved out and is no longer with the mother of his child. It made me sad, because it seems like they won’t be raising this little boy as a couple.

    I understand that it’s better to have two happy parents who live apart, rather than two married parents who are both miserable. But, the best scenario is something they didn’t consider: don’t get pregnant until and unless you are willing to make that commitment! In the end, I feel badly that they didn’t give their son that benefit.

  4. TeresaRenee

    June 9, 2017 at 7:55 AM

    Kiptyn seems very gentle and sweet. I am surprised that he jumped into a sexual relationship so fast with someone he didn’t know. I also think he was still very vague about what happened with Tenley. “Something was missing…” was really all he said about it. Glad he was kind towards her, but seriously, you don’t get that close to someone and break up twice just over something missing.

  5. TeresaRenee

    June 9, 2017 at 12:44 PM

    Edited to add, I do think over what I observed is that Kiptyn has a major fear of getting married. I just don’t think he is ready for that but he wants to be. It seemed that he led Tenley on and she just kept being hopeful.

  6. rob22

    June 9, 2017 at 1:20 PM

    To the second emailer: You certainly have adopted a bohemian lifestyle. You go to different great places, see the sights, and have a great time. I have to point out that you chose this lifestyle. If you continue to live this way, you’ll have some great times, but you won’t exactly find permanent relationships easily. I’m not sure that’s exactly what you’re looking for, but I thought I’d make that point, mainly because if you are looking for something more than a hookup, you have to stay in one place long enough to make that happen. And hey, if he’s just an extra fun port in the storm, then why the hell not text him. He may be very willing to knock boots with you another time or two. On the other hand, he may be growing up and looking for someone who doesn’t blow in and out of his life based on their latest gig.

    I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you’re starting to get lonely running around the world and he’s a guy that made you feel something once upon a time. If that’s the case, it’s not him you want. You’re starting to want to have a more permanent relationship and to get rid of some terminal loneliness. If that’s the case, you’ll need to move in to a location somewhere and stay a while. It’s your choice, and there’s a cost to all of our choices. We don’t typically get to have our cake and eat it too.

  7. shouldbeworking

    June 12, 2017 at 11:39 AM

    Anyone know why Bachelor in Paradise suspended filming? Alleged misconduct – whatever that could mean. I wonder what happened?

  8. shouldbeworking

    June 12, 2017 at 11:40 AM

    TMZ has the scoop.

  9. crushonspivey

    June 12, 2017 at 2:12 PM

    Sounds like what happened is what everyone this franchise has ever seen would expect to happen. Seriously, get people wasted in a close, sexually charged environment, then see what happens. Huh–I wonder.

    Hope Fleiss gets the pants sued off of him. Total scumbag of a human being. No rreal revelation there. But also hope other producers do too for letting it happen.

  10. RaRa

    June 13, 2017 at 8:10 AM

    Yeah, it sounds to me like it had something to do with some out-of-the-water tongue action happening between DeMario and Corinne’s crotch, in the hot-tub, resulting in some “staff member” complaining about their “work environment”. I don’t get it, since after all BIP is a show which not only features literal beds on the beach, but has been known to air overnight hook-ups caught on cameras mounted in the bedrooms. I personally think it is just being played up for publicity. But until I hear Steve weigh in on it, it’s all just guessing what the real story is.

  11. tater

    June 15, 2017 at 2:02 AM

    Added in with this poster I also believe that if you’re planning on having a baby even if you’re not pregnant wouldn’t you want to save as much as possible. Why waste hundreds of dollars you never know if something may pop up. still that backup money would be nice.

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