Dr. Reality Steve

Podcast #42 – Interview with Desiree Siegfried (Part 1), “Reader Emails,” & “Dr. Reality Steve”

Heading out to Vegas for the weekend so made sure to get you everything today. Podcast #42 (Part 1) with Desiree Siegfried is up first, followed by “Reader Emails” and then “Dr. Reality Steve.” No BIP recap from last night since it was only an hour and really nothing happened. If something happens to break with a “Bachelor” announcement in the next 5 days, I’ll probably chime in on Twitter briefly, but I really am trying to get away from things this weekend and just enjoy the second week of college football and the first week of NFL season. It’s an annual trip I look forward to every year and I frankly just want to keep “Bachelor” stuff out of sight/out of mind for a few days. We already have our BIP finale spoilers that were posted yesterday, and honestly, I have no idea when this “Bachelor” announcement is coming. If I see or hear anything I’ll tweet it out, but I won’t be back posting on this site until Tuesday. From all that I’ve been told it’s Peter and I have no idea what the hold up is, if any. Maybe they have some giant trick up their sleeve. I don’t know. If so, I certainly haven’t heard of anything. They might just be wanting to wait to build suspense. I don’t think it’s anything to do with contracts or something like that because I heard that was done. Just milking this for as long as they can is my guess.

Really enjoyed Part 1 of Desiree as she is very open about her time on Sean’s season along with beginning to talk about her season of the “Bachelorette.” As always, if you want to respond to the Desiree podcast, be sure to include her Twitter handle (@DesHartsock) in your replies so she can see them. It’s always fun talking to someone who’s a lead because they do have a different perspective on things than people who were only contestants. Des was both and I thought she had a couple interesting things to say about the “Bachelorette” vs the “Bachelor” along with her feelings about the edit Chris got. Hope you enjoy Podcast #42….

You can listen to today’s podcast on a number of platforms, but you can also tune in by clicking the player below:


Subscribe: Apple Podcasts, RSS, Stitcher, Spotify
Music written by Jimmer Podrasky
(B’Jingo Songs/Machia Music/Bug Music BMI)

(SPOILERS) Des joins me to talk about her relationship past before going on Seasn’s season & how she got cast, was Sean her type (4:47), first night competition (7:34), getting pranked on her first 1-on-1 date (11:34), Tierra as the villain (12:43), did she see Sean and Catherine’s connection (20:31), why she thinks the “Bachelorette” has more successful relationships than the “Bachelor” (24:25), her awful hometown date (27:44), when she was approached about “Bachelorette” (33:08), did she know her final 4 on night one (36:18), her favorite date of the season (41:57), first noticing Chris and the edit he got (44:50), did she ever think Juan Pablo would be the Bachelor (49:19), and the hardest part of being the lead of the show (55:25).

Facebook – Desiree Siegfried
Twitter – @DesHartsock
Instagram – desireesiegfried
Website: DesireeHartsock.com
Amazon Book: My Fairytale Wedding: Planning Your Dream Wedding Without Breaking the Bank

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Hi Steve,

I’m probably your youngest fan ahah, I’m 15. Funny you say that. I believe last week in “Reader Emails” we had a 15 year old send in a question saying she was my youngest fan. I guess we’re gonna have to compare birthdays now.

I love you and thanks for all the spoilers!!

One thing I find really annoying is that Alexis doesn’t get any crap for being on the show even though she has a boyfriend back home, but others like Corinne do? Just because she’s likable? I just find it really unfair. Because to the general public, they don’t know. And actually, I don’t even know if she’s with that guy anymore.

Also, why in the world is Amanda still with Robby even though she has proof that he cheated? Not anymore. Although with Amanda, you just never know. We know how many times she went back to Josh.

Lastly, why can’t you spill all the dirt that you know about the franchise?

Comment: Because sometimes I’m told stuff in confidence that I’m not allowed to share, and sometimes I find something out and it’s just not my story to share.
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Hi!

So I’ve been wondering this for awhile. Do you think that the guys on the show team up and help each other out? For example: since Dean was torn between DLo and Kristina and since Ben Z hadn’t had a love interest; perhaps him and Dean were in cahoots, and he picked DLo for Dean, so he could play the field a little longer??? Idk..i guess the women could do the same thing. I mean I know I would..hahaa. It IS more of a game than actually finding true love in my opinion.
Thoughts?

Comment: I’m sure going into that rose ceremony, Ben Z knew Dean was picking Kristina and he would pick DLo. But they’re not gonna do that because it would ruin any suspense they were trying to build. People team up on this show all the time.
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If I were Corrine I think I could have come with a better explanation than a prescription mixed with alcohol. Really!!!!! Apparently she showed no outward symptoms of being in a catatonic state. I truly believe that this was a set up by her and the producer who was reportedly a good friend of hers. A bad way to get more publicity for sure. Why did Chris Harrison not ask her why she stayed she had no boyfriend when he first greeted her. My low opinion of her just got lower. She really did leave Demario out to dry. Sorry for the rant but she’s the type that give women s bad name.
Comment: I really don’t agree with pretty much anything Corinne has said or done since that show. She’s gotten some really poor advice. With that said, I don’t think she was in cahoots with the producer.

I’m confused why they played up the Danielle M and Wells narrative so much when it seems from Wells’s reaction to the kiss that he isn’t really interested in being with Danielle post paradise. Also he and Alexis seem to have quite a strong friendship post paradise, could there be a love connection there? Did they purposely ask him to come to paradise “off limits” knowing he would break that rule? At first I thought he was being considered for the next Bachelor and they were trying to create hype, but obviously it’s most likely that that position is going to be filled by Peter. Also what is with this new trend of having so many cast reactions to the episodes? And so many Chris Harrison interviews? And weird patterns of rose ceremonies? I know that was a lot and kind of all over the place but I’m just confused about the direction of the franchise at this point honestly. Love hearing your take on things Steve, thanks in advance!

Comment: Yeah, a lot in there. I’m sure they knew Wells would hook up with Danielle. It’s why he was brought on as the bartender.

I think the reason they have that post-show studio deal last week on Mon. & Tues. was because there was less footage of the season this year with less filming days. Just something to do to fill two hours. Not to mention, no “After Paradise” this year, because essentially that’s what it took the place of.
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Hi RS!

Just one quick question, how much of all the crazy Peter fans stemmed from your first spoiler, and became bitter and crazy when you said it was Bryan? Do you think people would be less Peter crazy if you had said Bryan in the first place?
Thanks!

Comment: Certainly possible. But if you can’t get over that, then there’s certainly something emotionally wrong with them, I’m sorry.
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Hi Steve!

Been able to take in some of your podcasts during some holiday downtime, and just wanted to comment on this one – I really enjoyed it. I was struck by your honesty and vulnerability by the end and related to some of which you spoke, so I found when Michelle was speaking of suggestions, or such I reflected upon those in my own situation as well. It’s not easy being vulnerable like that, especially for someone who likes to keep his life private – and especially given your stalker experiences it would be natural to close up. When you said you became untrusting of even when ‘people were nice to me, what did they want’ – I totally related to that, for totally completely different reasons – my childhood was extremely rocky, and kindness and niceties when happened didn’t usually mean anything good was coming after – waiting for the next shoe to drop – so it has been a struggle and something I myself am working through – the gift from it is I can read people really well, maybe too well for my own good – lots of walls though. Once up, difficult to break down. I hope you got some relief speaking to it – sometimes saying the words can help so much (I’ve been through enough therapy to know this – though my analytic mind is still stumped about how just talking about something can help, I really don’t get it). I found it inspiring to hear someone that I respect (from what I know about you) speak the truth about their struggles that I can relate to – thoughts of ‘I’m not the only one’ and ‘we’re all people’. I know it’s weird to hear that, I know I’ve felt weird when people say it (like I did something amazing when it doesn’t feel that way) but you just never know what’s going to help someone, connect with them, and it might not sound like much but it can be. As a fellow single 40 yr old (not flirting – we live in different countries), I appreciated the podcast as it fit into my own reflections of my life. Thank you. It certainly isn’t easy and I do have major trust issues with people. When you’re consistently lied to (and I’m not talking about sources here), you begin to just not believe or trust what people tell you. And that’s where I’m at. It sucks. I hate it. I try to not let it get to me, but when you’ve been burned as many times as I have, it just makes you put your guard up.

So, thanks for sharing! I felt that it really got going there the last half an hour – and it felt like there could have been another hour after! I’m really sorry you had to deal with the stalker situation and the reverberations from it – awful. I’ve been reading your blog since Molly/Jason season, much more so up until a few years back – just life etc. I haven’t gotten to keep up with them as much – but I remember back then when I was even reading the comments there was some wonky stuff going on there that seemed to have an edge beyond the regular troll stuff – a bit disturbing.

This silly show – but more so your columns (as it made so much more sense it’s not real) really helped me through a rough patch in my life. It was an escape about something silly – but had a really interesting ‘behind the scenes mystery’ I was very curious about, so it helped to distract from the pain going on at the time that could be overwhelming. Things are better – though I guess good for me, but less for you, since I haven’t been reading all your posts – somehow I think you’re prob not hurting for followers though :). The stalker thing has cooled down, but they’re always out there. It can literally happen any time. It’s more of an annoyance than anything else. But mostly I feel sad for them.

Your fav movies – yes, ‘a time to kill’ I think people underestimate that movie so much! It was so good! Anyone that really watched that movie wouldn’t have been surprised about what Matthew McConoughy (sp?) did in that movie he won the Oscar, or the first season of that HBO series – I knew he had that in him! And, it is the only movie I felt where the movie was better than the book – the ending, and Samuel L. Jackson’s character were so much better in the movie.

Anyway…thanks for listening, and letting us listen. Take care!

Comment: Yeah, that movie really put him on the map. He was excellent in that movie.
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Forgot to ask you Steve, do you think the break up between Ben and Lauren had to do with her still having feelings for her ex? She moved on SO quickly back to that guy. Ben seems like such an amazing guy, I find it hard to believe they broke up over him telling Jojo he loved her and Lauren just couldn’t get over that

Comment: I don’t know what the exact reasons were for their break up, but it wasn’t because of the JoJo thing. From what I’m hearing, they were just very different and wanted different things. I don’t think it takes a rocket scientist to figure out what those things are.
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Hey Steve! First time emailer here. Figured I’d send in my questions for you since you’re short on emails 🙂

Do you know if Robby and Amanda are still together post show? I’ve seen the pap pics of them holding hands but nothing really after that. No. But never say never with her.

My favorite bachelorette of all time was Kaitlyn and I’m so shocked ABC really doesn’t give 2 craps about her and Shawn to offer them a wedding. I listened to her podcast the other week and her and Shawn don’t understand why it was never at least offered to them? I think it’s bull crap. Do you have any insight on this? No. The only thing I can think of, and not to mention what she’s hinted at, is that she’s being punished for spoiling her own season.

Do you listen to the almost famous podcast? Dean was on a couple times and it kinda irks me when Ashley makes Dean seem like a saint. You think they may be dating or does she just have googly eyes for him? Never heard it.

Since Nick and Vanessa broke it off, you think they’d give Nick another shot on paradise? Hell, even Vanessa? Nick? No. Vanessa? I doubt it. I get the sense that she doesn’t like too many people from this franchise.

And lastly, what are your honest thoughts on Rachel? I truly feel like she was in this for a ring and not love.

Thank you for your hard work of spoilers! I look forward to part 2 podcast tomorrow!

Comment: I had no problem with Rachel wanting a fiancé out of the experience and not just a boyfriend. Why couldn’t get she get both a ring and fall in love? Not sure why that’s hard for people to accept.
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Hey Steve!

I have a couple questions that I think you might find interesting. First of all your podcast with Olivia was perfect and I got all the answers I wanted.

OK, so, I know you’re upset about everybody ask you who the next bachelor will be but I feel like your fans might just want a little insight into who you are leaning towards. Maybe just roll them out by percentage in this list:

Peter: 100%
Luke: 0%
Eric: 0%
Chase: 0%
Dean: 0%
Nick: 0%
Kenny: 0%
Wells: 0%

Also, I want to know if you think anybody is getting a different edit than they actually are on the show. And, do you think the producers are a little tired of Amanda? She seems boring and not with the bachelor franchise needs right now. Thoughts? Dean is getting the edit he should. None others that I can think of. This show likes Amanda, hence the reason they keep bringing her on. But for her sake, lets hope she’s done with Bachelor boys.

And after Corrine’s is boring interview, presumably because I think ABC just didn’t have enough content for BIP, what do you want to say to her? Do you think the whole thing was prepared and scripted? And, random question, do you agree with me that she should cut her hair? What do I want to say to her? Please go away. That’s about it. Her hair? Never given it one thought.

And what do you think of Ben Z.’s edit? When the girls are talking about roses they need you never talk about Ben’s even though he is totally free. Also, do you think the dog is really what turns girls off or is he just not good with words and the show doesn’t want to admit it? Producers had fun with his edit no doubt. Sucks for him. Happens to at least one person every season. He was the victim this season.

And, lastly, who do you think is the most blind and somewhat stupid contestant on BIP right now? The obvious answer for me is Lacey but what’s your input? Do you think you’ll do a Podcasts with any of the most popular contestants on BIP right now? Some of them include Kristina, Dean, Lacey, Jack, Daniel.

Thank you! Happy to be a fan and elated for your next podcast.

Comment: I’m pretty sure Lacey is up there. I wouldn’t say Kristina is stupid, but she was definitely blinded by her lust for Dean to see what the hell he was doing.

As for future podcasts, just know that there are a lot of possibilities out there, but also remember that it’s my podcast, and I choose who I would like to have on. There are people from this franchise who I have zero interest in talking to so you’ll never hear them on.
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Hi! Long time reader but first time actually taking time to ask questions here. I’ve been in the process of listening to your podcasts so here’s what I have so far:

1) I blanked on Elizabeth Kitt so when I looked her up it has in her IMDB listed as being on 20/20 as a Bill Cosby accuser???? No. You must be mixing her up with someone else.

2) I swore I had heard you interview Courtney before…I am just remembering your recap of her book hahaha I’d never interviewed her before I had her on the podcast. When I used to do my live video blogs, I used to read the X rated passages from her book every once in a while. Probably the only thing I enjoyed about those video blogs.

3) Wow I missed a lot with the Luke Pell and James Taylor info!!!! Seems like forever and a day ago.

4) What TV show did Nick Peterson have coming up that you couldn’t mention at the time?? Or was that JJ? I can’t remember now…..That was JJ. “Celebrity Marriage Boot Camp” with Juelia. They filmed that over a year ago and the cast of that season JUST got officially announced. I believe it starts in October. But they have been over as a couple basically since that show ended.

5) Ashlee F seemed nice but also a little snobby. How in the heck does she afford her wardrobe? Everything on her blog is SUPER expensive that I saw! I thought AshLee was great. I’m pretty sure it’s done through trade. And in case you missed it yesterday, her dad’s church was destroyed in the Houston floods. If you could donate, the link is in yesterday’s column.

Thanks…back to catching up on the rest!!!

Also….when I heard the new Taylor Swift song you were the first person I thought of hahahahaha

Comment: Then you must’ve thought of me Sunday morning too.
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Hey Steve,

I sent in an email a couple weeks ago asking if you think they’re milking this season out to make up for lost time, and over the past few episodes that’s just become more and more apparent. Like I don’t know, some of these storylines seem bizarre and just unnecessary! Like it feels like they really are just looking for stuff to fill time! But in your own personal opinion, what do you think is probably the most unnecessary storylines of this season so far?

Comment: I don’t know if “unnecessary” is the right word to use. It just seems like they’re giving certain storylines more time than they would in a normal season because they had less footage to use.
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Hiya!

I read your Bachelor/ette spoilers and related posts pretty often and now have a few questions if you don’t mind 🙂 Okay several, and they are long so cut and paste where necessary.

1. There has been a huge s**tshow over Peter not wanting to propose, and Rachel was saying how “this show is not for him” etc. I thought fair enough, it is very unusual to declare that you will not do it, being that it’s the expected ending of the show format. But last night I browsed Bachelor history and apparently in the first 10 or so seasons it was very common to not propose! Sooooo… it’s just changed and that’s that? This past season was Bachelorette though, and I suppose (?) the suitors on that have always proposed and therefor set a stronger precedent? Any thoughts, is it more about the show having changed over time, or that the “rules” are stricter for Bachelorette? Yes. 19 of the last 20 seasons have ended in an engagement. Because that’s what the audience wants to see, regardless of how ridiculous that is.

On a sidenote, if Peter will be Bachelor, I am pretty sure he will propose, as the last one who didn’t was Juan Pablo and that didn’t go down well – for his brand etc, he would need to be likeable…

2. Do you ever hear spoilers about like Canadian or Australian Bachelor/ette seasons? I would somehow assume someone has at least offered something once or twice, but it would be kind of odd to throw random stuff in the mix, so you skip? Doesn’t matter either way, I’m just curious. While we’re at it, if you do know where I can find spoilers regarding the current ongoing Bachelor Australia, let me know…Never. And I have no idea where spoilers on those seasons would be.

3. This must get tiring so sorry in advance, but as you have pointed out, people ask you in reader emails who would you prefer to be the Bachelor/ette each season, and you always say you don’t care and I get the feeling the question gets annoying! Which is fair enough, but you always underline the “I don’t care” part so much it gets to the point of suspicious… You do have opinions about the cast on the show, leads or otherwise, due to hearing stuff about them and such, which comes through in your writing, and it’s cool. I think it makes perfect sense for you to have some opinions. And I get that you need to walk a fine line when you might want to do a podcast with those people later. But I think you might have a view on who would make a good or interesting lead and why. Wouldn’t mind hearing what you think of a potential leads ‘potential’ to make an interesting season. Well, lets make one thing clear. I will never hold back an opinion on someone on this show for fear of them not wanting to come on my podcast. They either want to or don’t. If they can’t handle criticism or whatever, they I wouldn’t want them on the podcast anyway.

And no, I really don’t care who gets chosen as the lead because all the seasons are the same to me, just with a different cast. The show is made through casting of the suitors, not the lead. So yes, it really doesn’t matter to me who gets that role.

4. Yesterday I listened to some of your podcasts and I have a request regarding what to ask the past leads although I know it’s an area where they must tread carefully. I would like you to sometimes ask why they booted such an such person, maybe the #2 or #3 runner up or whichever person that had people’s interest. On the show it’s SO vague “i just didn’t feel that spark”… and yeah it could be, and I wholeheartdely get that they don’t want and shouldn’t bash anyone in the lines of “he had bad breath”, but I do believe there is some space in between the 2 extremes, eg. “I started feeling that since he lives on the other side of the country and because his job is such and such, relocation really would not be realistic and the long distance thing would ruin the relationship”. Like, fair enough. And we know the leads are not really looking for love but they do have to pick on some criteria and choose the best option! So I think the responses would still mirror reality. Or maybe it’s that “she is really strong willed, which is a great quality but I found it a bit scary and thought it might spell trouble in the long run”. Okay, you get my drift, I think there is a way to tell the truth or something akin to it without being rude. Loved the podcasts btw! I hope there will be many more.

Comment: I think some of the leads kind of have expressed it without going into too much detail. Nor do they really need to. DeAnna and Ben were very honest about why they chose who they chose. Desiree you can listen to today, but she doesn’t touch on the ending to her season until next week. But she might actually be the most detailed about why she chose Chris over Brooks.
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Just a quick thought on the whole Corinne interview / original legal statement. I would bet dollars to donuts that after the junior producers filed their complaints, Corinne’s family (read: father) saw dollar signs and planned to sue ABC for misconduct under the pretense that the producers who witnessed the event should have stepped in because Corinne was too “intoxicated to give consent.” I know the cast sign waivers, but in this case, other producers filed the complaint, which could have been a potential loophole for production culpability. That would explain why Corinne never blamed DeMario directly, but why her lawyers still had her come out with an official statement saying she was a “victim.” They meant she was a victim of production, and by extent, ABC. My speculation is she was just being her normal self on that first day of filming, didn’t have a problem with her DeMario hookup, got kicked off the show, and then when she came home, her father called in the lawyers with the intent of taking legal action against ABC for all he could.

We saw Corinne’s father on Nick’s season—he’s an intimidating guy. Also seems like he’s savvy. I can’t see any reason why Corinne’s family would have her lawyer up and start releasing statements about being a victim unless they planned to go in for big bucks.

Would also explain why those original junior producers have disappeared from contact. This was never a complaint about DeMario / Corinne. It was a complaint about production culpability. Her father saw gold, went for the kill, and was denied. And now that any suit has been shut down, the producers who complained are likely legally bound to silence, and Corinne is coming out with vague statements about medication and being a victim of social media. Oh, and finding the whole situation “annoying.” Chris Harrison even tried to help her save face by suggesting the term “frustrating.” Nope. Corinne just reiterated that it was annoying. Good grief.

Anyway, that’s my take. I can’t imagine I’m the only one who suspects this. Thoughts?

Comment: I mean, it sounds great on paper. But we’ll never know so there’s really no reason to dive too much into it.
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Hey Steve!

I’m watching Wells as the bartender and I’m thinking this show has done the ultimate disservice to him. Chris Harrison wants EVERYONE to find love. Except. Wells.

He has been “friend zoned” by the entire franchise on national television.

Shame on your Chris. Shame. Shame. Shame.

Comment: Pretty much.

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30 Comments

30 Comments

  1. shouldbeworking

    September 6, 2017 at 12:00 PM

    Let me just say that as a Canadian, I don’t know any men that talk like Daniel. Even I think he’s weird. He’s just putting on a show for TV.
    How is it they find the some of the most desperate women and the biggest players to put on this show? But I guess that makes the show!!
    Thoughts and prayers for Harvey survivors and hope that Irma doesn’t make Florida landfall.

  2. bobcat87

    September 6, 2017 at 3:05 PM

    To the person who cut her dog’s toenails-

    So, I’m not sure I understand the situation with the dog. It sounds like you left your husband a voicemail to call immediately, then texted him to call ASAP. You thought he might not realize it was important (do you have a tendency to send these kind of messages?), so you texted again saying that it was an emergency. He called back and was PO’d to find that it was just an issue with the dog’s toenail bleeding. I would be too! If I were him, I would have thought somebody died or that you were in a ditch somewhere. I wouldn’t classify this situation as a huge emergency, and would be careful about crying wolf if I were you.

    Now, this does not necessarily mean that he isn’t insensitive- your story about your niece’s football game shows that he has some selfish tendencies. If you want to work on your marriage, I think I would recommend more clearly differentiating for him what is a big deal to you and what isn’t. If everything is always made out to be a big deal, he will assume you are exaggerating its importance to you and decide for himself what he thinks is most important. If you are more discriminatory, he will be more likely to pay attention to your feelings when you say that something is really important to you.

    If you try and can’t get reach some middle ground with him, honestly, this relationship seems on very shaky ground moving forward. A lack of respect by one’s partner is concerning and not something that either of you should have to put up with. Best of luck!

  3. LM111

    September 6, 2017 at 6:28 PM

    Re: first letter (fight with husband).
    You seem to have a strong grasp on what it takes to be in a relationship, and I agree that your husband doesn’t quite get it. And, he sounds pretty selfish. I’ve been with guys like that before; you put their needs first, THEY put their needs first, and suddenly your needs are permanently on the back burner (side note: I was once engaged to a man like this. Loved him to death, but we had the same type of fights you guys have. So, instead of chucking the relationship, we went to a therapist together. The therapist looked at my then fiance and asked “what are you doing to put her needs first?”. My fiance was visibly dumbfounded. He finally answered “Why would I put someone else’s needs above my own?!”. He was being completely sincere. He just didn’t get it.

    Back to you. The problem is – what to do about it. You obviously love him or you wouldn’t have married him. But this is a hard personality trait to change in another person. I’d have to read your letter again to see if you have children. If so, maybe seek counseling. If not, it’s a tough call. Day-to-day happiness is so important. Pay attention to how often you feel angry or frustrated with this man. If it’s daily, or even every other day, it might be time to cut your losses.

  4. shenanigans

    September 7, 2017 at 5:24 AM

    Re/ the woman who cut her dog’s toenails: at the risk of stating the obvious, many people aren’t meant to be married. They are selfish to the bone and not willing/able to compromise and put someone else’s needs first. Granted, you can drag your spouse to counseling and try to change him, but it probably won’t work. He is who he is. The most you will probably get from counseling is 1) confirmation of the situation and 2) tools that will help you stay sane and respond more appropriately.

    And that’s where your behavior comes into play. If your husband told you repeatedly not to cut the dog’s nails – but, you did it anyway and botched it, you shouldn’t have been surprised that he was ticked when you told him. Even worse, you sent him several messages and declared it an emergency. To be honest, I can see why that annoyed him.

    I’ve been married to a man with similar tendencies for 22 years. And, here’s why it works: I learned early in the game what annoys him and what doesn’t – and I act accordingly. At first, I thought he was a selfish jerk and that we didn’t have a great marriage. Over time, however, I realized that many couples have these issues and it’s just a matter of not pushing the wrong buttons. Sure, it would be great if he thought just like me and we didn’t have any issues. But, that’s just not reality. For us, the key to staying married and being happy was learning how to treat each other lovingly and not making a huge deal out of things that the other partner didn’t care about.

    Bottom line: you can’t control how he behaves – only how you react. Pick your battles carefully – and with that in mind. Once he told you how he felt about the dog’s nails, was it really that hard to honor his wishes? Was that issue really worth the fight?

  5. kygirl13

    September 7, 2017 at 6:32 AM

    Just sitting here patiently waiting on your thoughts of them casting Arie as the new Bachelor…

  6. shouldbeworking

    September 7, 2017 at 7:00 AM

    Seriously? Arie?

  7. ctrealitygirl

    September 7, 2017 at 7:15 AM

    Mike Fleiss needs to stop expending all trying to drum up a bachelor candidate just for shock value. It seems every time Reality Steve swears it’s one person, ABC pulls a fast one and names the person that RS swore it wouldn’t be. “Shouldbeworking” I second your comment: “Seriously, Arie?” Who even gives a hoot about him now? He’s a has been! With all the guys they had to choose from that’s the best they could come up with??? I am convinced they’re trying to sabotage this show. Rachel’s season was a hot mess…now Arie as the Bachelor?

  8. rob22

    September 7, 2017 at 8:23 AM

    @shenanigans, that’s a great answer. The interesting thing about relationships is that we are all largely trying to get our own needs met. We just do it in different ways. We can call that “selfish” or we can call it “human”. It’s just a matter of perspective. Is it selfish of the husband to get upset about being text bombed about the dog’s toenails? Possibly. Is it selfish to hit him up with 911 texts when you botched the toenail job that your husband told you not to do in the first place? Possibly. It’s just a matter of who you ask and who’s perspective you take. Probably they’re both a bit selfish.

    My wife does irritating things that I’ve repeatedly asked her not to do (such as throwing her clothes all over the floor, leaving dirty dishes on the night stand). Am I selfish for getting irritated? Or is she selfish for doing the things she knows irritates me. I don’t think there’s a right answer. They’re both kind of selfish.

    As I’ve aged, I let more things go, even if I feel irritated. So does she. She probably lets more go than I do. When I was younger, I wasn’t able to do that, so we fought a lot.

    So, some of it is maturity. Some of it is self awareness and making an effort. In the end, the key much of the time is just the ability to recognize that most of the stuff that irritates us is really small stuff. I can step around the clothes or ignore the dirty dishes…. or even pick them up. It doesn’t need to be a fight. And we’re both happier because of it. In your case, you don’t need to cut the dog’s nails. And if you do, and botch it, you don’t need to try to dump the problem on him. And, of course, he also could react differently & more patiently. But you BOTH need to mature and let things go. Otherwise your marriage won’t last.

  9. rob22

    September 7, 2017 at 9:30 AM

    So, Arie. That’s a real Hail Mary. He was from Emily’s season, which was 5 YEARS AGO!!! So, while there have been other Bachelor’s his age, such as with Nick, he’s really been out of the Bachelor limelight for a long time. Nick was last on The Bachelorette just two years ago, so when he got the gig, he was still very much in the current mix, especially with his BIP appearance. Not so with Arie. I would have to think that a lot of guys would have said no for it to come to this. I’m sure Ben 2.0 could have happened, as I was pushing for, but this means that he said NO WAY & dollars didn’t make a difference. And obviously the same for Peter too. I almost have to wonder why anyone says yes. It’s not like you’re making millions of dollars like most stars, and you’ll get trashed on Social Media even more than the stars. Who wants that?

    I do believe that having Nick diminished interest in the show, and ratings are going down. I think Arie is going to take it down another notch. This show is definitely starting to come unglued. No show lasts forever.

  10. tinyred500

    September 7, 2017 at 10:40 AM

    I personally don’t mind if Arie is the next Bachelor, it makes no difference to me, it’s a cheesy programme just for fun….why worry who’s the lead, why take that part so seriously? I think he will be at least entertaining to watch, maybe the producers want to be less predictable with their choice, who knows.

    Other than that I do agree with a lot with what Rob22 has to say, inasmuch all programmes have their day, and who seriously wants their reputation and integrity rubbished and thrown under a bus on social media and the media in general? With cheesy and sleazy reality telly there’s a huge personal price to pay, and I for one wouldn’t and couldn’t see it would be worth it, you can’t buy back your reputation (or privacy) and I know there’s going to some individuals who will say that Arie’s isn’t perfect already…but that’s not the point.

  11. keddo

    September 7, 2017 at 10:58 AM

    I didn’t watch Nick’s season, because I couldn’t fathom him having sincere intentions. I won’t be watching Arie’s season, either. I probably would have watched Peter or Ben H. v.2.

  12. jchen0111

    September 7, 2017 at 11:52 AM

    Guess Peter said no to the gig..would’ve much rather watched him…Arie..not very much =/

  13. jchen0111

    September 7, 2017 at 11:56 AM

    Loved the podcast with Desiree btw, can’t wait for the 2nd part of it next week!

  14. jlal

    September 7, 2017 at 5:08 PM

    I like Arie. He is a professional, old enough to want to settle down, is not looking to build a social media brand, and is good looking. What is not to like?

  15. adelina

    September 7, 2017 at 6:01 PM

    Following Steve on Twitter and reading the sheet that is already being thrown around about Arie’s past and his cheating and underage dalliances. The best is a Reddit post where someone speaks on Jef Holm and Arie past visits to sorority houses and sleeping with young college girls.

    Of all things….Jef Holm chimes in on Twitter to respond that “he’s never been in a sorority house” and that he hasn’t been Arie’s friend in years because Arie is “disgusting.”

    Wowza.

  16. qtontv

    September 7, 2017 at 9:41 PM

    Wow, so it’s Arie!! He was on before my Bachelor-watching time, and first thoughts were attractive, established, adult man. But then I read about all these sexual predatory/usual f*ckboy behavior and I have to wonder what we’re in for. Geez. I think this show is determined to go down in lawsuit flames. I really have no desire to see a gray haired man make-out with teenagers wither. It kinda takes away the satisfaction of knowing Peter overplayed his hand and his bachelor manipulation plan fell apart.

  17. jlal

    September 8, 2017 at 3:52 AM

    I don’t know about Arie’s supposed bad behavior, don’t do social media. Frankly I think most of the men and some of the women on these shows don’t behave very well. Not to mention, you can’t believe everything you read on SM.
    He is the right age to settle down, not 26 which is too young. This might force them to get women and not immature girls. Thinking of the twins here. It is also nice to have someone who is not just looking to build a social media brand.
    After Nick they almost lost me, so having someone new/old is a nice change.

  18. tinyred500

    September 8, 2017 at 9:45 AM

    @jlal, I agree with what you say.

    Arie is 35 years old (not some immature 26 year old who’s even more unlikely not to want to commit) and I don’t expect any man not to have any bad history by that age. A lot of men on the franchise have a history too and yes some not so great. If social media is to be even part believed he likes younger females, so? (Smh). Girls at university are old enough to know better, they are old enough to consent, it takes two to tango. I really can’t hack the holier than thou peeps out there, and RS is one of them. Shame on him for peddling Arie’s alleged past and retweeting stupid tweets, so infantile.

    Most men at 26 are not ready to settle down, let alone propose, so I think it’s better that the bachelors are older, 28 and upwards is far more of a realistic age group. I like the fact Arie is less likely to want a ‘brand’. From what I’ve seen on Emily’s season, he was funny and good fun to be around, and I like the fact he’s foreign (okay, he may have been brought up mostly in America, but his parents are both Dutch and so culturally different). I just have to wait till it hits the UK’s television screens…or watch online.

  19. rob22

    September 8, 2017 at 10:46 AM

    Those who are claiming that Arie matured, should remember that he was already 30 years old when he appeared on Emily’s season. Also, over the last five years, he hasn’t developed a reputation of a responsible, ready to be married, mature adult. I’m not judging him. If he wants to run up the score with fan girls and Bachelor alums, that’s his business. But that doesn’t make for a very good narrative. And obviously the narrative is now being driven by social media and it’s not good at all. In fact, it’s being portrayed as a complete joke. The show’s got some PR work to do, stat!

  20. jlal

    September 8, 2017 at 11:38 AM

    Once again, I don’t do the whole social media thing, twitter, instagram, etc. However, from everything I’ve read on this site, as well as on other sites, most the guys from this franchise ‘…run up the score with fan girls and bachelor alums’, heck sounds like most of the women do too. Also, most people I know date around and fool around, until the meet “the one” fall in love and get married. It is called sowing your wild oats. Sounds like maybe the crazy Peter fans RS is always talking about are pissed and putting out crap. Let’s be real, other than maybe Ben H. and Sean, none of the guys from this franchise have been exactly models for decency.

    I stand by not having an issue with Arie. Good looking, professional, not a social media hound, old enough to really settle down, and seemed likable enough on Emily’s season.

  21. jlal

    September 8, 2017 at 11:44 AM

    One more thing – I think the crazy Peter fans and RS are just upset at be duped, so are taking it out on Arie.

  22. jchen0111

    September 8, 2017 at 1:12 PM

    Time will only tell is Arie will be a good bachelor =)

  23. rob22

    September 8, 2017 at 1:40 PM

    I want to be clear. I don’t dislike Arie. In fact, like with Nick, I rather expect that Arie will spice things up a bit in the drama department. So, I’m all for it. My comments were more towards the typical Bachelor fans who are wanting “true love”, as phony as that ends up being. If you don’t have a Bachelor who might feasibly get married, then you start to lose those fans. The worst part is that the show rehabbed Nick to shine him up and make him look good for the part. But he didn’t credibly deliver that during his season. Right on the heals of Nick, we have Arie. And Arie is not polished up at all. The show must have really been caught off guard by Peter declining. Because they could have had Arie on BIP and polished him up a bit before going this direction. Oh well, it should be fun anyway… in a trashy sort of way.

  24. heliofan

    September 8, 2017 at 3:18 PM

    I’ve met Arie a couple of times. One was at an autograph session for Indy Lights drivers prior to him being on the Bachelorette and the other time was in the paddock area at Mid Ohio Sports Car Course during a race weekend. Both times he was kind and charming. He is extremely attractive, more so in person than on TV. Yes, he has a reputation but aside from Sean and Ben H.,which Bachelor hasn’t. I’m looking forward to his season. I think it will be interesting.

  25. tinyred500

    September 8, 2017 at 3:23 PM

    I think long time watchers of this franchise should know by now that it isn’t a credible way to meet your lifetime mate. If they’re still watching it and still believing that, then they are the deluded ones. Bachelorette aside, we know there’s only been two bachelor’s who have stayed and married someone they met off the Bachelor programme. I think the falling ratings is mostly due to its tired and predictable format, change it, reinvent it and it may gain a different audience. Maybe they should have a Bachelor who perhaps would be seen to be more successful, a more credible catch, e.g. someone who has their own business and independent wealth, and thus wouldn’t care one iota about IG followers or gaining a brand etc., afterwards. Too many contestants now go on the shows for all the ‘after stuff’, and sadly it’s the way most reality programmes end up.

    If the producers can’t obtain credibility with their choice of leads, then all they have left is drama and entertainment for the audience, just a show for all its silliness. Really and truly it’s what we should just accept, because going back to my opening sentence, it isn’t a realistic way to meet your future spouse.

    Not forgetting Desiree’s podcast, I for one enjoyed it, I enjoyed it more then I thought I would. It was interesting and I always like to hear what goes on behind the scenes. I look forward to hearing part two.

  26. angela0722

    September 8, 2017 at 4:14 PM

    Just finished listening to the podcast with Desire and I cannot wait to hear why they didn’t get their wedding paid for/on tv! I’ve always wondered this and was thinking about it again when they did the recap of all the other weddings a few weeks ago when they showed Carly and Evan’s wedding. So strange! Thanks for linking to that Right Reasons/Soulja Boy video – hilarious! Loving the podcast – especially the Bachelor guests!

  27. katieottawa

    September 11, 2017 at 2:13 AM

    I finished listening to the podcast. Steve you are wrong this was the worst interview by far. Probably didnt help that it came after Josiah who was so interesting and entertaining. What a snooze this one was. I can now understand why the franchise has tossed her. Wow this girl was on 2 shows with one being her the focal point yet I kept asking myself “was she even there??” Was she on some kind of medication that causes amnesia??? because she doesnt seem to remember a whole lot of anything. all i heard was “I dont remember…I cant remember, I dont know” Did she even answer any questions without sounding like she wasnt on some other planet the whole time she filmed the 2 shows.

    A tip for all future podcast guests. Be entertaining and dont answer every question with I dont know. I dont remember. Im not sure. No one wants to listen to that. Ill pass on the second part.

  28. jlal

    September 11, 2017 at 4:10 AM

    Tinyred, I agree with you that since most now go on the show to build their IG followers and whatever other SM sites out there. I think ratings have fallen because since everyone is just there to “build a brand”, they have to make the show about whichever poor sap gets to be the “bad” boy or girl. What I find wearing is when the show turns into the “Chad” show or the “Corinne” show and not about the core person. The manufactured drama is so obvious. Plus, they just can’t seem to understand when the horse is dead. It was a truly different and better show in the early years, before the quest for SM fame took it over. Some drama is interesting, but the core of the show should be the relationships with the lead. That is now secondary to the manufactured drama and it is sad.

  29. tinyred500

    September 11, 2017 at 3:29 PM

    @katieottawa, I enjoyed Desiree’s podcast more than I thought I would. However, it do agree about her not remembering too much, or being a tad vague! There are some things you would remember, e.g ‘who was in your limo’ would be one I’m sure you’d not forget! Two stand out experiences, you would remember quite a bit, even if you hated the experience in parts.

  30. LynnS

    September 12, 2017 at 1:25 AM

    I 100% agree with you! I was really looking forward to this podcast, but it quickly became maddening that she didn’t seem to remember much at all. How could she not remember events from such a unique experience from not that long ago? It seemed like she was trying to sound laid-back and cool, but it ended up making her sound stupid.

    Another tip for future podcast guests: Prepare!

    I could tell Steve was getting frustrated with her frequent “I don’t remember” answers.

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