Dr. Reality Steve

Podcast #42 – Interview with Desiree Siegfried (Part 1), “Reader Emails,” & “Dr. Reality Steve”

Dr. Reality Steve

Hi Steve,

Since you begged for more emails, I had a fight with my husband last night, so I’ll amuse you and your readers.

What is your take on “emotional support” to your spouse or significant other? I have been married for 3 years and for the past year or so, I’ve gradually become worn down from the lack of emotional support I get from my husband.

To me, it’s Relationship 101 to be a good person to someone in order to get the best from them in return. I’m reactionary, where I stop giving others my best if it becomes a one way street. The incident yesterday just had me come to a head on how I feel.

Yesterday I trimmed my dog’s nails… and he jerked on one of the final ones. I cut into the quick of his nail, and any pet owner who has done this knows that it looks like a crime scene with gushing blood. I was home alone, so didn’t have anyone to help me, but I managed to keep the blood on myself, the bathroom sink and garden tub. Pretty good! I went full blown MacGyver to look up what to do to stop the bleeding, since I didn’t have that styptic powder handy and I couldn’t up and leave for the vet without getting it under control somehow.

Long story short of the details in between, I called my husband when he was getting out of work. He didn’t answer (and he could run late, or be on the phone in his car) so I left a message to call asap, then text to call, saying it’s urgent. After 5 minutes, I tried again, since he may not think something is up, and I text that time “EMERGENCY”. When he finally calls, I tell him what happened but he focused more on yelling at me as to WHY on earth I even tried cutting his nails (I’ve done so many times in the past), and then made it sound like I should have gone straight to the vet, not appreciating the situation I was dealing with. Mind you, I have stopped going to my husband for help or advice on anything, because it’s the same reaction all the time. I don’t deserve being yelled at, or given the “shoulda, coulda, woulda” routine.

I tried to stay calm when he got home and asked him what was he accomplishing by yelling at me, and he proceeded to tell me he was tired of my “holier than thou” routine. I was floored! What is so wrong about talking to people kindly?

The conversation we had revealed a lot, but it comes back to the same things where I will do things for him that I may not want to do, but you do it because that is what marriage is about. He got married later in life (this is my second marriage) and he doesn’t seem to grasp the concept of others before himself. He is family oriented, but it seems to be with his parents and not really with family on my side at times. For instance, my niece performed at a football game for the first time in band, and he didn’t come because he didn’t want to fight traffic (later on, it also rained out halftime but they did pre-game) but yet he was able to go out for a cigar with our friend and have him back at our home afterward. It just seemed like a slap in the face. And he wonders why I gave up my wish for another child…. because I couldn’t risk bringing a life into the world with someone who still seemed to into himself.

I’ve confided in only a few close people, and they think from the outside looking in, it’s SUCH an easy fix. I agree! Changing behavior is not asking you to change your core values… and I’m tired of being a punching bag.

I know I kept it pretty vague, but curious to know your two cents.

Comment: Well I think you pretty much nailed the problem here: he puts himself before anyone else. I don’t know why people on the outside looking in would think that’s an easy fix, because it isn’t. Seems like a guy who’s stuck in his ways and isn’t changing anytime soon. All you can do is ask (without making it seem like you’re nagging) for him to think about putting others first every once in a while. Start there. If he can’t do it every once in a while, then there’s a major problem and you’re going to be miserable. It’s been 3 years and you sound like you’re already pretty fed up. That’s never a good thing. You seem to be in the right head space and he seems to be out to lunch most of the time. I don’t expect the guy ever to do a 180. I hope you don’t either. But it’s not like you’re asking him to move mountains. You’re asking him to basically act like a decent human being every once in a while and not be so selfish. If you don’t see any improvement whatsoever, or the guy is barely putting any effort in, I’d reconsider the relationship.
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Hi Steve, I saw your request for questions and this is something I have been mulling on lately – would be interested in your perspective.

I am 35 and single and live in So Cal. My longest relationship was 6 months and I have had 3 boyfriends – one at the age of 28, one at the age of 30, and one at the age of 34. These relationships ended for pretty normal reasons – one I ended due to immaturity on the part of the guy, one he ended because he wasn’t falling in love with me, and one was mutual due to long distance. Lots of dating in between. Now you’ll just have to take me at my word and at the risk of sounding braggy… I don’t have destructive relationship tendencies, I am cute, optimistic, educated, solid career, well rounded in terms of interests and hobbies. The long term relationship just hasn’t happened for me, although I’ve been marriage minded since my 20s. I also have and maintain a huge network of friends, many of whom go back decades.

Some backstory is that I was always on the shyer side with guys and am what I would call a late bloomer. I didn’t date in high school or college, although I had plenty of crushes. Even more context is that I had cancer as a young adult and spent my early 20s navigating some pretty significant health issues, most of which have since resolved. I didn’t really even start dating until my mid-20s.

Thing is that with guys I date the question inevitably comes up (sometimes even on the 1st or 2nd date) “What was your longest relationship” and I always feel trapped. If I answer honestly, the guy (who hasn’t had time to get to to know me) may take this one fact and make an incorrect generalization about my ability or desire to have a relationship. I have even started exaggerating a little and saying my longest relationship was a year, but even that seems to make guys pause. I don’t want to be misleading but I also don’t want them to make a snap judgment on something that I believe doesn’t have bearing on my potential for future relationships. To further complicate things, I frankly don’t feel comfortable talking about my cancer history on a 1st or 2nd date because I feel it just takes conversation in a direction that isn’t conducive for those initial “getting to know you” stages.

I am insecure about my lack of past relationship history. How do I navigate this while giving these guys a chance to really get to know me and not scaring them off with a red herring?

Thank you!

Comment: Here’s one thing to keep in mind. If a guy is going to judge you for your lack of dating history, then he’s probably not for you anyway. And yes, there absolutely will be guys who do. Just cross them off your list. Wasn’t your fault you had health issues years ago that stunted your dating life. If someone can’t understand that then don’t waste your time.

Obviously I don’t know you well enough to make a determination as to why you haven’t had a long term relationship. But all I can say is don’t force it. Some of the best ones come along when you’re not even looking. And on a first or second date, no, you don’t really need to get into your dating history. You’re not lying, but save that for someone who you’ve dated longer than that when conversation gets more serious. Anyone scared off by the fact you once had cancer isn’t for you. Keep putting yourself out there, date around, and hopefully someone great will come along that doesn’t care about any of that stuff.
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Hi, Dr Reality Steve,

First, I apologize for the length of this!

I’m a 34-year-old woman with a very long history of pursuing men (and boys) who aren’t interested in me. I have a lot of dating history, but very little relationship experience. But in October 2015, I met this guy at a wedding. At first I wasn’t attracted to him, but I was very impressed with the fact that he pursued me—asked me out, kept making plans to see me (3 or 4 times a week), and he was even the one who initiated the “what are we?” conversation 2 months after meeting. I really and truly fell for him and felt that he understood me.

In February 2016 he got really busy with work and I lost my job. But we were still having a lot of date nights together. He even told me that I was “the one” for him in March. Two weeks later, after spending the weekend together, he went home, and the next day he texted me, asking me to give him a call. I did, and in the 6-minute call we had, he broke up with me, saying that he had stopped feeling excited about me within the past week. I was completely devastated, because I really loved the guy, and because we totally weren’t on the same page the way I thought we were. I also felt like I’d been tricked. But I eventually picked myself up, got a new job, and starting going out on dates again. After all, sometimes it just happens that a guy loses interest (and honestly, my intuition tells me that another woman was involved).

But here comes the weird part.

A few months later, one night around 10 pm, I started getting all these text and voicemail messages from my ex (along the lines of “hey babe I really need to see you,” “want to meet up 2nite,” etc). I figured he intended them for someone else and sent them to me accidentally, so I didn’t respond. But a couple of weeks later, the same thing happened, around 2-3 am. The third time this happened, in November, I sent him a text the next day to see if everything was alright; he said that he’d just gotten really drunk again and said he was really, really sorry and was “working on” himself. But after that he drunk texted/called/attempted to Facetime at least 7 or 8 more times. I’ve ignored him every time and blocked him, but then he did it from another number!

A few months ago, my friend (the one whose wedding I met my ex at) told me my ex was was in a new relationship, and I felt relieved that I wouldn’t have to hear from him again. But this past week, he drunk texted and called me YET AGAIN. I no longer love the guy, but it hurts me every time he does this, because he has so little concern for my feelings. Steve, what on earth is going through this guy’s mind?!?! Any thoughts you have on this situation would be greatly appreciated!

Comment: The guy is a dog basically. He’s in another relationship now and drunk texting you? Yeah, probably not the smartest thing to be doing. I think you’re doing the right thing by not responding. Just ignore it. You don’t want a guy like that anyway.

And yes, he probably did end things with you back then because another woman was involved. Not necessarily meaning he cheated on you, but to do it that quickly after a weekend together makes me think he had something else lined up at least.

By the way, is this guy’s name Dean Unglert? I’m kidding. I think.

I’m sure it does sting that he’s doing that to you, and yeah it sucks. All you can do it either block him or not respond. If it really bothers you that much to see his name in your phone, then it’s best to probably block him. Then you’ll never receive anything from him ever again.
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Dr. Reality Steve,

This isn’t urgent (so no worries if it doesn’t make this week’s column). Something happened last night that i wanted to get your take on. My story is a little different than the ones you normally get; I’m not in love with the guy I’m writing about, nor do I want a relationship with him. We’re friends. Really good friends actually. Once in a blue moon, we mess around but it’s never a big deal. Most of the time, we just hang out and it’s easy company. No drama. Just awesome. We’ve been friends like this for about 6 years (but the physical stuff stops if one of us starts seeing someone) . Ok – so why am I writing? I’ll get to the point — last night, we were hanging out on my couch and he said something odd. He had his hand on my ass and was getting a little worked up and he said “you’re so handsome, I just want to do dirty things to you”. That’s not verbatim, but he used the word handsome. A few seconds later, I said “handsome?” and laughed, but he ignored it. Now I will admit that there have been a few times over the last 6 years when I thought he might be gay, or bi, so this comment really stood out. I’ve never seen him with a man (and he would never admit that to me), but just a weird gut feeling that he could be on the down-low (with nothing substantial to base it on). My take is – maybe, he’s used to saying handsome when he’s with a dude and it just accidentally came out when we were together. I’m wondering if there’s any other way to look at it. What’s your opinion? It won’t change my friendship with him, but I’m curious to know what you and your readers think.

Comment: That is totally bizarre. That’s just not a word that would slip out of a guy’s mouth when he’s getting turned on by a girl. No chance. As for why he said it? I have no idea. You know him better than me. And if you say that in the 6 years you’ve known him you’ve thought he might be gay or bi, and then he drops a “handsome” on you, I mean, could there be a correlation? I wouldn’t rule it out. Because I can’t possibly think of a scenario where a guy calling a girl handsome is remotely acceptable. Where did it go from there? Did he continue with his heavy petting? Or did you lose your lady boner go away after that handsome nonsense?
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Send all links and emails to: steve@realitysteve.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page, or listen to all my podcasts at Apple Podcasts. Talk to you next week.

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30 Comments

30 Comments

  1. shouldbeworking

    September 6, 2017 at 12:00 PM

    Let me just say that as a Canadian, I don’t know any men that talk like Daniel. Even I think he’s weird. He’s just putting on a show for TV.
    How is it they find the some of the most desperate women and the biggest players to put on this show? But I guess that makes the show!!
    Thoughts and prayers for Harvey survivors and hope that Irma doesn’t make Florida landfall.

  2. bobcat87

    September 6, 2017 at 3:05 PM

    To the person who cut her dog’s toenails-

    So, I’m not sure I understand the situation with the dog. It sounds like you left your husband a voicemail to call immediately, then texted him to call ASAP. You thought he might not realize it was important (do you have a tendency to send these kind of messages?), so you texted again saying that it was an emergency. He called back and was PO’d to find that it was just an issue with the dog’s toenail bleeding. I would be too! If I were him, I would have thought somebody died or that you were in a ditch somewhere. I wouldn’t classify this situation as a huge emergency, and would be careful about crying wolf if I were you.

    Now, this does not necessarily mean that he isn’t insensitive- your story about your niece’s football game shows that he has some selfish tendencies. If you want to work on your marriage, I think I would recommend more clearly differentiating for him what is a big deal to you and what isn’t. If everything is always made out to be a big deal, he will assume you are exaggerating its importance to you and decide for himself what he thinks is most important. If you are more discriminatory, he will be more likely to pay attention to your feelings when you say that something is really important to you.

    If you try and can’t get reach some middle ground with him, honestly, this relationship seems on very shaky ground moving forward. A lack of respect by one’s partner is concerning and not something that either of you should have to put up with. Best of luck!

  3. LM111

    September 6, 2017 at 6:28 PM

    Re: first letter (fight with husband).
    You seem to have a strong grasp on what it takes to be in a relationship, and I agree that your husband doesn’t quite get it. And, he sounds pretty selfish. I’ve been with guys like that before; you put their needs first, THEY put their needs first, and suddenly your needs are permanently on the back burner (side note: I was once engaged to a man like this. Loved him to death, but we had the same type of fights you guys have. So, instead of chucking the relationship, we went to a therapist together. The therapist looked at my then fiance and asked “what are you doing to put her needs first?”. My fiance was visibly dumbfounded. He finally answered “Why would I put someone else’s needs above my own?!”. He was being completely sincere. He just didn’t get it.

    Back to you. The problem is – what to do about it. You obviously love him or you wouldn’t have married him. But this is a hard personality trait to change in another person. I’d have to read your letter again to see if you have children. If so, maybe seek counseling. If not, it’s a tough call. Day-to-day happiness is so important. Pay attention to how often you feel angry or frustrated with this man. If it’s daily, or even every other day, it might be time to cut your losses.

  4. shenanigans

    September 7, 2017 at 5:24 AM

    Re/ the woman who cut her dog’s toenails: at the risk of stating the obvious, many people aren’t meant to be married. They are selfish to the bone and not willing/able to compromise and put someone else’s needs first. Granted, you can drag your spouse to counseling and try to change him, but it probably won’t work. He is who he is. The most you will probably get from counseling is 1) confirmation of the situation and 2) tools that will help you stay sane and respond more appropriately.

    And that’s where your behavior comes into play. If your husband told you repeatedly not to cut the dog’s nails – but, you did it anyway and botched it, you shouldn’t have been surprised that he was ticked when you told him. Even worse, you sent him several messages and declared it an emergency. To be honest, I can see why that annoyed him.

    I’ve been married to a man with similar tendencies for 22 years. And, here’s why it works: I learned early in the game what annoys him and what doesn’t – and I act accordingly. At first, I thought he was a selfish jerk and that we didn’t have a great marriage. Over time, however, I realized that many couples have these issues and it’s just a matter of not pushing the wrong buttons. Sure, it would be great if he thought just like me and we didn’t have any issues. But, that’s just not reality. For us, the key to staying married and being happy was learning how to treat each other lovingly and not making a huge deal out of things that the other partner didn’t care about.

    Bottom line: you can’t control how he behaves – only how you react. Pick your battles carefully – and with that in mind. Once he told you how he felt about the dog’s nails, was it really that hard to honor his wishes? Was that issue really worth the fight?

  5. kygirl13

    September 7, 2017 at 6:32 AM

    Just sitting here patiently waiting on your thoughts of them casting Arie as the new Bachelor…

  6. shouldbeworking

    September 7, 2017 at 7:00 AM

    Seriously? Arie?

  7. ctrealitygirl

    September 7, 2017 at 7:15 AM

    Mike Fleiss needs to stop expending all trying to drum up a bachelor candidate just for shock value. It seems every time Reality Steve swears it’s one person, ABC pulls a fast one and names the person that RS swore it wouldn’t be. “Shouldbeworking” I second your comment: “Seriously, Arie?” Who even gives a hoot about him now? He’s a has been! With all the guys they had to choose from that’s the best they could come up with??? I am convinced they’re trying to sabotage this show. Rachel’s season was a hot mess…now Arie as the Bachelor?

  8. rob22

    September 7, 2017 at 8:23 AM

    @shenanigans, that’s a great answer. The interesting thing about relationships is that we are all largely trying to get our own needs met. We just do it in different ways. We can call that “selfish” or we can call it “human”. It’s just a matter of perspective. Is it selfish of the husband to get upset about being text bombed about the dog’s toenails? Possibly. Is it selfish to hit him up with 911 texts when you botched the toenail job that your husband told you not to do in the first place? Possibly. It’s just a matter of who you ask and who’s perspective you take. Probably they’re both a bit selfish.

    My wife does irritating things that I’ve repeatedly asked her not to do (such as throwing her clothes all over the floor, leaving dirty dishes on the night stand). Am I selfish for getting irritated? Or is she selfish for doing the things she knows irritates me. I don’t think there’s a right answer. They’re both kind of selfish.

    As I’ve aged, I let more things go, even if I feel irritated. So does she. She probably lets more go than I do. When I was younger, I wasn’t able to do that, so we fought a lot.

    So, some of it is maturity. Some of it is self awareness and making an effort. In the end, the key much of the time is just the ability to recognize that most of the stuff that irritates us is really small stuff. I can step around the clothes or ignore the dirty dishes…. or even pick them up. It doesn’t need to be a fight. And we’re both happier because of it. In your case, you don’t need to cut the dog’s nails. And if you do, and botch it, you don’t need to try to dump the problem on him. And, of course, he also could react differently & more patiently. But you BOTH need to mature and let things go. Otherwise your marriage won’t last.

  9. rob22

    September 7, 2017 at 9:30 AM

    So, Arie. That’s a real Hail Mary. He was from Emily’s season, which was 5 YEARS AGO!!! So, while there have been other Bachelor’s his age, such as with Nick, he’s really been out of the Bachelor limelight for a long time. Nick was last on The Bachelorette just two years ago, so when he got the gig, he was still very much in the current mix, especially with his BIP appearance. Not so with Arie. I would have to think that a lot of guys would have said no for it to come to this. I’m sure Ben 2.0 could have happened, as I was pushing for, but this means that he said NO WAY & dollars didn’t make a difference. And obviously the same for Peter too. I almost have to wonder why anyone says yes. It’s not like you’re making millions of dollars like most stars, and you’ll get trashed on Social Media even more than the stars. Who wants that?

    I do believe that having Nick diminished interest in the show, and ratings are going down. I think Arie is going to take it down another notch. This show is definitely starting to come unglued. No show lasts forever.

  10. tinyred500

    September 7, 2017 at 10:40 AM

    I personally don’t mind if Arie is the next Bachelor, it makes no difference to me, it’s a cheesy programme just for fun….why worry who’s the lead, why take that part so seriously? I think he will be at least entertaining to watch, maybe the producers want to be less predictable with their choice, who knows.

    Other than that I do agree with a lot with what Rob22 has to say, inasmuch all programmes have their day, and who seriously wants their reputation and integrity rubbished and thrown under a bus on social media and the media in general? With cheesy and sleazy reality telly there’s a huge personal price to pay, and I for one wouldn’t and couldn’t see it would be worth it, you can’t buy back your reputation (or privacy) and I know there’s going to some individuals who will say that Arie’s isn’t perfect already…but that’s not the point.

  11. keddo

    September 7, 2017 at 10:58 AM

    I didn’t watch Nick’s season, because I couldn’t fathom him having sincere intentions. I won’t be watching Arie’s season, either. I probably would have watched Peter or Ben H. v.2.

  12. jchen0111

    September 7, 2017 at 11:52 AM

    Guess Peter said no to the gig..would’ve much rather watched him…Arie..not very much =/

  13. jchen0111

    September 7, 2017 at 11:56 AM

    Loved the podcast with Desiree btw, can’t wait for the 2nd part of it next week!

  14. jlal

    September 7, 2017 at 5:08 PM

    I like Arie. He is a professional, old enough to want to settle down, is not looking to build a social media brand, and is good looking. What is not to like?

  15. adelina

    September 7, 2017 at 6:01 PM

    Following Steve on Twitter and reading the sheet that is already being thrown around about Arie’s past and his cheating and underage dalliances. The best is a Reddit post where someone speaks on Jef Holm and Arie past visits to sorority houses and sleeping with young college girls.

    Of all things….Jef Holm chimes in on Twitter to respond that “he’s never been in a sorority house” and that he hasn’t been Arie’s friend in years because Arie is “disgusting.”

    Wowza.

  16. qtontv

    September 7, 2017 at 9:41 PM

    Wow, so it’s Arie!! He was on before my Bachelor-watching time, and first thoughts were attractive, established, adult man. But then I read about all these sexual predatory/usual f*ckboy behavior and I have to wonder what we’re in for. Geez. I think this show is determined to go down in lawsuit flames. I really have no desire to see a gray haired man make-out with teenagers wither. It kinda takes away the satisfaction of knowing Peter overplayed his hand and his bachelor manipulation plan fell apart.

  17. jlal

    September 8, 2017 at 3:52 AM

    I don’t know about Arie’s supposed bad behavior, don’t do social media. Frankly I think most of the men and some of the women on these shows don’t behave very well. Not to mention, you can’t believe everything you read on SM.
    He is the right age to settle down, not 26 which is too young. This might force them to get women and not immature girls. Thinking of the twins here. It is also nice to have someone who is not just looking to build a social media brand.
    After Nick they almost lost me, so having someone new/old is a nice change.

  18. tinyred500

    September 8, 2017 at 9:45 AM

    @jlal, I agree with what you say.

    Arie is 35 years old (not some immature 26 year old who’s even more unlikely not to want to commit) and I don’t expect any man not to have any bad history by that age. A lot of men on the franchise have a history too and yes some not so great. If social media is to be even part believed he likes younger females, so? (Smh). Girls at university are old enough to know better, they are old enough to consent, it takes two to tango. I really can’t hack the holier than thou peeps out there, and RS is one of them. Shame on him for peddling Arie’s alleged past and retweeting stupid tweets, so infantile.

    Most men at 26 are not ready to settle down, let alone propose, so I think it’s better that the bachelors are older, 28 and upwards is far more of a realistic age group. I like the fact Arie is less likely to want a ‘brand’. From what I’ve seen on Emily’s season, he was funny and good fun to be around, and I like the fact he’s foreign (okay, he may have been brought up mostly in America, but his parents are both Dutch and so culturally different). I just have to wait till it hits the UK’s television screens…or watch online.

  19. rob22

    September 8, 2017 at 10:46 AM

    Those who are claiming that Arie matured, should remember that he was already 30 years old when he appeared on Emily’s season. Also, over the last five years, he hasn’t developed a reputation of a responsible, ready to be married, mature adult. I’m not judging him. If he wants to run up the score with fan girls and Bachelor alums, that’s his business. But that doesn’t make for a very good narrative. And obviously the narrative is now being driven by social media and it’s not good at all. In fact, it’s being portrayed as a complete joke. The show’s got some PR work to do, stat!

  20. jlal

    September 8, 2017 at 11:38 AM

    Once again, I don’t do the whole social media thing, twitter, instagram, etc. However, from everything I’ve read on this site, as well as on other sites, most the guys from this franchise ‘…run up the score with fan girls and bachelor alums’, heck sounds like most of the women do too. Also, most people I know date around and fool around, until the meet “the one” fall in love and get married. It is called sowing your wild oats. Sounds like maybe the crazy Peter fans RS is always talking about are pissed and putting out crap. Let’s be real, other than maybe Ben H. and Sean, none of the guys from this franchise have been exactly models for decency.

    I stand by not having an issue with Arie. Good looking, professional, not a social media hound, old enough to really settle down, and seemed likable enough on Emily’s season.

  21. jlal

    September 8, 2017 at 11:44 AM

    One more thing – I think the crazy Peter fans and RS are just upset at be duped, so are taking it out on Arie.

  22. jchen0111

    September 8, 2017 at 1:12 PM

    Time will only tell is Arie will be a good bachelor =)

  23. rob22

    September 8, 2017 at 1:40 PM

    I want to be clear. I don’t dislike Arie. In fact, like with Nick, I rather expect that Arie will spice things up a bit in the drama department. So, I’m all for it. My comments were more towards the typical Bachelor fans who are wanting “true love”, as phony as that ends up being. If you don’t have a Bachelor who might feasibly get married, then you start to lose those fans. The worst part is that the show rehabbed Nick to shine him up and make him look good for the part. But he didn’t credibly deliver that during his season. Right on the heals of Nick, we have Arie. And Arie is not polished up at all. The show must have really been caught off guard by Peter declining. Because they could have had Arie on BIP and polished him up a bit before going this direction. Oh well, it should be fun anyway… in a trashy sort of way.

  24. heliofan

    September 8, 2017 at 3:18 PM

    I’ve met Arie a couple of times. One was at an autograph session for Indy Lights drivers prior to him being on the Bachelorette and the other time was in the paddock area at Mid Ohio Sports Car Course during a race weekend. Both times he was kind and charming. He is extremely attractive, more so in person than on TV. Yes, he has a reputation but aside from Sean and Ben H.,which Bachelor hasn’t. I’m looking forward to his season. I think it will be interesting.

  25. tinyred500

    September 8, 2017 at 3:23 PM

    I think long time watchers of this franchise should know by now that it isn’t a credible way to meet your lifetime mate. If they’re still watching it and still believing that, then they are the deluded ones. Bachelorette aside, we know there’s only been two bachelor’s who have stayed and married someone they met off the Bachelor programme. I think the falling ratings is mostly due to its tired and predictable format, change it, reinvent it and it may gain a different audience. Maybe they should have a Bachelor who perhaps would be seen to be more successful, a more credible catch, e.g. someone who has their own business and independent wealth, and thus wouldn’t care one iota about IG followers or gaining a brand etc., afterwards. Too many contestants now go on the shows for all the ‘after stuff’, and sadly it’s the way most reality programmes end up.

    If the producers can’t obtain credibility with their choice of leads, then all they have left is drama and entertainment for the audience, just a show for all its silliness. Really and truly it’s what we should just accept, because going back to my opening sentence, it isn’t a realistic way to meet your future spouse.

    Not forgetting Desiree’s podcast, I for one enjoyed it, I enjoyed it more then I thought I would. It was interesting and I always like to hear what goes on behind the scenes. I look forward to hearing part two.

  26. angela0722

    September 8, 2017 at 4:14 PM

    Just finished listening to the podcast with Desire and I cannot wait to hear why they didn’t get their wedding paid for/on tv! I’ve always wondered this and was thinking about it again when they did the recap of all the other weddings a few weeks ago when they showed Carly and Evan’s wedding. So strange! Thanks for linking to that Right Reasons/Soulja Boy video – hilarious! Loving the podcast – especially the Bachelor guests!

  27. katieottawa

    September 11, 2017 at 2:13 AM

    I finished listening to the podcast. Steve you are wrong this was the worst interview by far. Probably didnt help that it came after Josiah who was so interesting and entertaining. What a snooze this one was. I can now understand why the franchise has tossed her. Wow this girl was on 2 shows with one being her the focal point yet I kept asking myself “was she even there??” Was she on some kind of medication that causes amnesia??? because she doesnt seem to remember a whole lot of anything. all i heard was “I dont remember…I cant remember, I dont know” Did she even answer any questions without sounding like she wasnt on some other planet the whole time she filmed the 2 shows.

    A tip for all future podcast guests. Be entertaining and dont answer every question with I dont know. I dont remember. Im not sure. No one wants to listen to that. Ill pass on the second part.

  28. jlal

    September 11, 2017 at 4:10 AM

    Tinyred, I agree with you that since most now go on the show to build their IG followers and whatever other SM sites out there. I think ratings have fallen because since everyone is just there to “build a brand”, they have to make the show about whichever poor sap gets to be the “bad” boy or girl. What I find wearing is when the show turns into the “Chad” show or the “Corinne” show and not about the core person. The manufactured drama is so obvious. Plus, they just can’t seem to understand when the horse is dead. It was a truly different and better show in the early years, before the quest for SM fame took it over. Some drama is interesting, but the core of the show should be the relationships with the lead. That is now secondary to the manufactured drama and it is sad.

  29. tinyred500

    September 11, 2017 at 3:29 PM

    @katieottawa, I enjoyed Desiree’s podcast more than I thought I would. However, it do agree about her not remembering too much, or being a tad vague! There are some things you would remember, e.g ‘who was in your limo’ would be one I’m sure you’d not forget! Two stand out experiences, you would remember quite a bit, even if you hated the experience in parts.

  30. LynnS

    September 12, 2017 at 1:25 AM

    I 100% agree with you! I was really looking forward to this podcast, but it quickly became maddening that she didn’t seem to remember much at all. How could she not remember events from such a unique experience from not that long ago? It seemed like she was trying to sound laid-back and cool, but it ended up making her sound stupid.

    Another tip for future podcast guests: Prepare!

    I could tell Steve was getting frustrated with her frequent “I don’t remember” answers.

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