-Becca and Colton hop on a catamaran for their date, and whaddya know, they’re at the bow of the boat doing the Leo/Kate pose from “Titanic.” I’m willing to bet that 95% of the 1-on-1 dates in the history of this show that took place on a boat had the couple simulating the iconic scene from Titanic. I feel like we get this every season and it’s quite unoriginal. Can we make a new movie that has an iconic boat scene? Or how about this – how about they re-enact a different scene from Titanic. Like the one where the old lady chucks her jewelry over the edge never to be found again. That’d be pretty compelling. But since they wouldn’t normally be wearing jewelry on the bow of the boat, maybe one time a contestant rips the mic pack off the girl and hurls it overboard causing all the producers to be thrown into a panic. Please. Something different. I’m begging you.
-For the next few minutes, it’s sexual innuendo overload. A lot of talk about conch. A lot. For whatever reason I always thought conch was pronounced the way it’s spelled. Nope. It’s pronounced “conk.” Which is one letter away from being the male genitals, so producers had a field day with this one. Just a bunch of conch talk, they threw in some aphrodisiacs, Bahamian Viagra talk and just went to town. Again, it was clear what producer’s goal was for this date before it even started. It was all centered around Colton’s virginity. The build up to him telling her OF COURSE they were going to make sure the day portion of the date was nothing but sexual innuendos. Becca (before knowing Colton hasn’t put his hot dog in a bun yet): “I don’t think Colton and I need any aphrodisiacs.” Oh honey. You’ll need more than that I’m afraid. Becca is confident heading into the night portion. They made sure we heard her say this: “He would have to drop a great bomb on me for him not to get it (the rose).” 16 years and 36 seasons in now. I hope all of you are starting to see what storyboarding is on this show. It’s not hard to figure out.
-So at dinner, lets have some more sex (kinda) talk.
Becca: “You’re a good conch diver.”
Colton: “I know…right up my alley…suckers were a lot deeper than I thought they’d be…”
Becca: “They’re huge…”
Colton: “And then I pulled it out…it just kept coming…”
Becca: “Ok, we need to stop talking about conch.”
Ya’ think? You sound like a high school senior boys locker room. How about we change the subject before Becca gets all worked up, only to be disappointed. That’s where we’re headed at this point. However, with some very clever editing yet again.
-Colton tells Becca he’s a virgin, and it’s by choice. He’s spent so much time on his football career, that he hasn’t had much time in the relationship department. There’s Football Colton vs Personal Colton. Well, lets call it Practice Squad Colton vs Personal Colton who already made out with your friend. He said very few people know this about him, and he doesn’t think his dad even knows. Well he does now. You do you know this was being recorded and will be televised by millions, right? Becca excuses herself from the table after Colton tells her, and this is where editing had a field day. Of course editing made it seem like she was so put off by Colton’s virginity that she needed time to think about it so she got up and left, when in reality…
For the record I think I got up just to go to the bathroom sooooo…?????
— Rebecca Kufrin (@thebkoof) July 10, 2018
Typical. A whole storyline is shown in a completely different light than how it happened on the show. No way! It’s just silly at this point. But thank you to Becca to clearing that up for us, even though while watching it, there was no way it was believable she got up right at that moment to “clear her head.” Please. Follow the storyboard for the episode. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
-After she comes back, Colton tells her that his virginity isn’t because he’s “not waiting for marriage, I’m waiting for the right heart.” Sounds like a line Jef Holm stole off those Ecards during Emily’s season. And with that, Becca gives him the rose saying “I wanna meet the people who made Colton Underwood.” That’s an awful weird way to put it, no? The people who shaped you. The people who molded you. How you became the man you are today. “The people who made you?” Becca must have so much pent up sexual frustration at this point, she just can’t help herself. I guess I can’t blame her. And oh yeah, back at the hotel, Blake is freaking out because Garrett got date card #2 and he’s one more date card closer to not getting a 1-on-1, which was his storyboard for the episode. Some pretty incessant whining by Blake there about not getting a date since the first one of the season. We get it, you want a date. They all do. Hold your horses. Get it? Horses. Blake. I’ll be here all week. Be sure to tip the wait staff.