Reality Steve

Final Thoughts and Emails

-Never before has a “Bachelor” finale stirred up more emails, debates, hatred, happiness, etc. than this season did. I appreciate all the emails that were sent in yesterday regarding what you thought of the finale. So with that said, I figured after I laid out some final thoughts on everything including last night’s show, I would post almost all of the emails I received yesterday, so all of you could see the reactions from readers to this column. I’m not attaching names to these, so if you emailed me yesterday, don’t worry, your identity is safe. I just figured I’d let the rest of the readers see what people were saying. I mean, lets face it, everyone has an opinion about what happened, so I figured I’d share some of them. In the morning, seemed like the emails were split 50/50. But by mid afternoon, I’d say it was about 75%/25% in favor of Brad. Which is a little odd because if you went on any message boards yesterday, Brad was getting crucified.

-There are so many things that people emailed, posted, talked about in the last 24 hours, I couldn’t possibly cover everything. Just know that after watching last nights show, and going over every possible argument/scenario in my head, I’m still pretty much where I’m at yesterday in regards to Brad. Did he blow me away with his answers last night? Well, no since he really didn’t have any. Did he completely bomb with his answers and make himself look worse? I don’t think so, but I’m probably in the minority in that one. After reading a lot of your emails, I’ve come to the conclusion that the hopeless romantics are the ones that are pissed off at him. Because those people live in a fairy tale land where everything happens for a reason, and there’s some sort of finality to everything. Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but that’s not quite the way life works. If you’re a hopeless romantic, this show’s not for you. You’re going to be thoroughly disappointed every season if you are. This shows basis is about love and relationships, yes. But anyone that’s watched over the last 6 years knows it’s about entertainment first, editing second, and true love and relationships falls in about 50th place in terms of importance. I’ve said it a thousand times, and I’ll say it again: People need to watch this show for its entertainment value only and quit taking everything so seriously.

-This is not real life. This is not how relationships work. This is not a normal way to meet someone. If it was, everyone would be signing up for shows doing this. It’s television. It’s make believe. The producers care much more about ratings and storylines and drama than they do about a couple falling in love. That’s just a bonus if they do. Every single season I honestly have zero interest who the guy picks in the end. That’s why usually in column one in every season, I’m finding as many faults with the Bachelor as possible and trying to make fun of him, because I know essentially where it’s headed in the end. If I actually took this show seriously, my head would explode. Why do I know this? Because I’ve read message boards and received emails from people who do take the show seriously, and for the life of me, I can’t begin to understand it. What does Brad Womack picking DeAnna over Jenni, or vice versa, have anything to do with you and your life? If you went to work yesterday in a bad mood, or pissed off at Brad, or cursing the show, you seriously need to re-evaluate the priorities in your life. Yes, I watch a boatload television. But there isn’t anything I’ve ever seen on TV, especially reality TV, that’ll give me a giant swing of emotion one way or another. Maybe that’s just me. And maybe I’m just the weird one here. I don’t know. But I honestly can’t comprehend some of the stuff I’ve read and seen over the last 24 hours. I’m stunned.

-For the most part, everyone that is anti-Brad now is basically saying they understand that he didn’t necessarily have to propose to one of them, but why did he just out and out dump both of them and not even try to continue to see who he liked best. Fair enough. I think that’s a reasonable question to ask. But don’t be upset when you don’t get a clear answer, which is exactly what Brad gave us last night. I’m serious when I say this, but I think Brad is a little like me in that, I know pretty early in dating someone whether or not I could see myself marrying that person in the future. And that’s with less lavish dates, and under far less initimate settings. The guy got six weeks with Jenni and DeAnna and obviously developed strong feelings for both of them, who wouldn’t? But just because they fell in love with him, I don’t understand why he’s a jerk for not falling in love with them? And he tried to say that at least 10 times last night, but the girls obviously didn’t want to hear it. Of course not. Nobody wants to hear that the person they’re madly in love with doesn’t feel the same. It hurts. It sucks. But you know what? That’s life. It happens. Not everything is black and white. Some things fall into the grey area, and I think that’s where Brad was with them. He liked them a lot, but wasn’t in love. And rather than pick DeAnna and give her false hope, he decided to cut things off at the pass at end it early. I don’t have any problem with it, and I’m in the minority when I say, I applaud him for it. Yes, his reasoning may suck. And yes, his reasoning may not make sense. But its his reasoning. Who are we to tell him how he’s supposed to dump someone and how he’s supposed to feel? The guy had a gut feeling about each girl that it just wasn’t a long term thing, so he ended it. And I can’t fault him for that.

-I’ve gone out with numerous women in 32 years, some for a long time, some for a short time. But just because things ended between me and all of them, do I not think they’re a good person or not think they’d make a great wife someday? Of course not. They just didn’t for me for whatever reason. And frankly, sometimes my reasoning was along the exactly the same lines as Brads - there really wasn’t one. So when I heard Brad complimenting DeAnna about what a great woman she was, and what a special person she was, and how he’d never met anyone like her, but still ended up sending her home, I could relate to it. C’mon, I can’t be the only one who’s dated someone that was a great person, they were attractive, they had the morals and values in a person you were looking for, you guys got along great, but it just didn’t work out for whatever reason. Right? Please tell me I’m not alone in this. What I’m saying is I completely understand where Brad is coming from with all this. It’s happened to me before and there’s really no explanation behind any of it. As was evidenced by what we saw from Brad last night.

-The other argument coming from the anti-Brad camp is that he lead both of the women on, but moreso DeAnna with things he said and did. Let’s just all remember that this is an entertainment show first, which primary goal is to get you to tune in to their show. And to do that, they need to create drama. And they need to create storylines. And they need to create characters. Of course he complimented both girls all the time. Of course he told them things that would make them think they were the ones. Of course he went and bought an engagement ring. What if in the second episode of the season, after any random group date, or solo date, Brad’s talking to the camera saying, “Yeah, I’m not feelin’ it with any of these girls. Not really my type. I really don’t see anything happening with any of them.” Would you have continued to watch? Of course not. It’s not like every single person would tune out, and their ratings would be a zero, but you know what I mean. There’d be no intrigue. There’d be no drama. There’d be no suspense as to who he liked more than others. So yeah, they gotta show him being intimate with girls and complimenting them. That’s what makes the show the show. What if instead of showing him getting an engagement ring on Monday night, they showed him going to the store, then walking out saying, “I can’t do this. It doesn’t feel right.” What would you have thought then? You would’ve thought, “Oh my God, he’s not gonna propose to either of them. They just gave away that he’s not proposing to anyone. What an anti-climatic ending this is.” So of course they showed him getting the ring. They had to. That’s what makes the show the show.

-As for both DeAnna and Jenni still being upset and still feeling like they were led on, even after talking to Brad last night, all I can say is, “Yeah. Pretty much.” I wouldn’t expect them to understand Brad’s reasoning. Most people don’t. And I suspect that some people that were maybe on the fence or even still liked him after the finale, don’t like him now because he couldn’t give each girls any answers really. But why does he have to? It was his decision. Let him live with it. If DeAnna is the greatest woman alive, then someone else will be lucky enough to have her and it’s Brads loss. But something tells me he’s moved on and is past it. Yeah, it bothered him, you could tell. But what else was he supposed to do last night? Start crying and change his mind? Say he wants DeAnna back? That would’ve made him look worse, because then you would’ve asked, “Well why’d you dump her in the first place.” The guy was in a no-win situation last night and handled about as well as he could. Not great, but not terrible. His message last night was essentially repeated a thousand times in so many ways, “I’m sorry for not falling in love with either of you guys.”

-And let’s not forget the most basic aspect of this show. A single man is brought on this show to possibly find his next girlfriend, or even future wife. According to google when I typed in “U.S.A. Poplulation”, as of July of 2007, there are 301 million people living in the United States. And of those 301 million people, some random group of producers on a sleazy TV show have to pick 25 women that might be a good match for their Bachelor. And this Bachelor really has no say in what 25 girls he’d like to choose from. And oh yeah, did I mention this is all for a national television audience to see? So you do the math. What are the odds that he’s going to date, fall in love, or even marry any of those 25? Not good at all. Trista & Ryan? Hey, they made a match. Congratulations. Right place right time. Byron and Mary? Well, until it actually happens, I’ll believe it when I see it. But you get the point. Finding true love on this show is basically pure luck by the casting department. Can it happen? Sure. Is it likely? No.

-So, I can talk til I’m blue in the face about this stuff, and some of you will still hate Brad, and still think his answers suck, and still think he’s a jerk, and that’s fine. I’m not here to change your mind. I’m just here to tell you what I think about what happened. It would be boring if everyone agreed with everyone and no one had opinions on anything. That’s what makes blogging so much fun and why I’ve chosen to write about this show for the last 6 years. Everyone’s dated before, everyone’s been in relationships, and everyone can relate to this show on a certain level. Obviously not having your first dates on national television, but just that awkwardness of first conversations and first kisses and first lays….oops. So that’s why I do what I do. I write to entertain. And what better way to entertain than to watch this crappy ass show that is so far removed from reality, it’s scary. Enjoy the show, have fun with it, but don’t let it consume you for more than it needs to. Please. Do it for Reality Steve. That’s all I ask of you. Continue reading RealitySteve.com, hopefully continue laughing, and let TV just be an escape for you every night to replace the real important matters. Thanks again for reading, Dr. Reality Steve along with “Reality Roundup” returns next week, and enjoy these fine emails you all sent in on Monday’s finale. See you soon….

Braaaaaaavo! Brad Womack is officially my new “favorite” person!!!

He achieved one of the greatest feats of all time on that show – a display of real, true, raw honesty!!! Kudos to him, and the producers!

I was very happy with the way the show ended. Brad’s mother even said that he had never dated two women at the same time before. He appeared to me to have very strong morals and values. I saw it as he outright told DeAnne that he told Jenni good-bye. He also told DeAnna that she was everything he was looking for in a wife and that they both agreed that they only wanted to get married one time and for good. I took the show as he really cares for DeAnna, but he could not go from hanging out with so many girls for all of these weeks and making out with them to then say goodbye to one and hey, let’s get married to the other one. I think he wanted time to make sure he made the absolute right choice. When he was back home, which one did he think about every day and could not stand being without and wanted to call to see if she was OK? He says in the commercials that he found the woman he was looking for. I think we will find out tonight that it is DeAnna, but he just wanted to be sure, which is better than picking one of the two and then by the time the show airs, the relationship is over, which has happened way too many times.

I get a lot of laughs from your column each week. I also can’t wait to see the ATFR tonight. I think Brad was right to do what he did, if his heart wasn’t in it, but I thought he treated DeAnna kind of coldly. He wanted Jenni to talk, because she couldn’t, and he wanted DeAnna to shut up when clearly she had something to say. It’s all about him, him, him.

While I tend to live the fairytale of wanting that happy ending…and
while I believe for both of these women this experience was heart
wrenching, I thought he did a good thing. I am sure that neither
women will bounce back from this that easily but I do think Jenny
might the making of the next bachelorette.

I really liked when he was letting down DeAnna that he came back to
the whole, “when we talked about marriage we both talked about it only
happening once” thing. I think it had to be hard to do…to break up
with both women on national tv…but in his mind as in mine…marriage
to him according to that act he did on the finale is “til death do us
part” and I believe he just didn’t see that with them so why take them
through the false notion of a wedding to come?

Will he ever get married…who knows? But of the women on the show, I
think half of them more than likely were no different from the women
he has encountered at his bars and the other half…while he could
foster a deep like for the others for the amount of time they were
given…he just didn’t see the future of sitting on the porch at 85
with any of them after 40+ years of marriage.

So yeah, this show still draws me in…can make me mad…and for a bit
I was completely speechless but well it just goes to show you that
nothing can make someone love another person…not even national
television.

But for the record…with all that I have said…if I was in their
spot I would be heart-broken I am sure.

You have made some great points, and I guess I am not as mad as I was last night since reading your column.

Hind sight is 20/20. We all should have seen this coming.

But I am still upset he didn’t pick. I still think he would have picked a girl
if he had kept Sheena…And he WOULD still be with her today.

So when he let her go…..it was all over but the hurtin’.

Bravo on last night’s Bachelor recap, loved your take on it. I thought it was a pretty good show too. Up until last night, I had only watched the first two episodes this season and gave up. Although Brad is a nice guy, he had no personality (in my opinion), and if you took “Wow” out of his vocabulary, he would be tongue tied.

Anyway, I did watch last night because I had read some promos saying it was the most “dramatic” FR ever. Well, I would not call it dramatic, but it was interesting and surprising. I did expect a twist at the end, but all along I thought he was the one who was going to get dumped. You know, he proposes and the girl says “thanks, but no thanks”. So the double dumping was shocking, but very honest on his part.

I have to agree that kudos go to ABC for showing this sham even though they knew what a dud it was all season long, and what the ending would be. The show has an abysmal track record, so to expect a happy ending is really silly.

I’ve checked a couple of private message boards I belong to, the opinions are divided about 50/50. Some think he is a jerk, while others think he did the right and proper thing.

Can’t wait for tonight’s show and see if any big revelations take place.

Loved your take on the Bachelor. I agree with everything. I’d rather watch the whole season and see something real happen at the end than to have the same fake ending and the couple is broken up within two weeks. Go Brad!!

First of all, I really like your column and enjoy reading your wise cracking summaries.

As much as I agree with you that at least we finally saw a bachelor not propose just for the sake of it, once again I find myself asking, ‘what the heck was that??’

Amidst rumours of Brad text messaging his ex-girlfriend during the entire taping of the show to rumours of this just being a publicity stunt for his bar, I have to wonder what was real and what was scripted. Ever since Trista accused the producers of manipulating situations to create drama, I have questioned this show.

First off, there’s Brad’s behavior. He seemed to fawn all over both women and told his family he would have a tough time choosing…??? Then he goes ring shopping. Why bother, if you aren’t ‘feeling the love’?

Then there is the way the women reacted. You could see very clearly that Jenni was having a tough time telling Brad that she loved him; I have no doubt now that the producers egged her on and told her to lay it on the line with him. Even Brad’s mom seemed determined to ask both Jenni and Deanna if they were in love. Again I ask, why bother?

Ahh, ratings!!!!

In my opinion, the ending of this season was entirely choreographed to add drama. Rejection is even more of a sting if both women have just professed their love. Poor babies, they got dragged down the garden path just like the rest of us.

Anyway, I will tune in tonight, if for no other reason to see Brad on the hot seat. Liz of zap2it.com summed it up nicely. She said, “Tomorrow night, hopefully, Brad gets his ass kicked. Because that would be completely fair. Valuable lesson, boys and girls. Don’t lead people on.”

WOW - Go Brad…I was impressed as well. As soon as I saw him leave the stage with “DeAhna”, I knew it was over. Her little smile was sad though when he told her he had just said goodbye to Jenni but then in a split second she knew her number was up too. That was sad.

So what is Brad been up to - do you know???? That would be interesting to follow. I can’t believe he would even sign on for an After The Rose show….how awkward. Hope someone check the girls at the door for weapons.

I was happy with the ending. I think no less of Brad. Just because he got on a TV show doesn’t mean he is going to fake his feelings. And kudos to ABC for not spinning it another way which would have pissed me off more.

I have to say Jenni’s reading of her feelings for him made me uncomfortable. The “I will devote my every waking moment to making you happy, just let me up off the floor from being your foot stool and I’ll make you dinner” (my quote, not hers). I would have dropped her right there. But I’m a girl that’s had therapy, so take that for what it’s worth.

Steve, I beg of you one favor. If you do nothing else with all your fame, please spread the word to all potential bachelorettes: if you can’t stop yourself from constantly pulling up your strapless dress then DO NOT WEAR ONE!!! It just shows all of America that you are not comfortable in your wardrobe and we don’t need to see you yanking at the top of your dress all night. Doesn’t look lady-like.

What I do not understand is although he does not love either one of them – did he not feel strongly enough about either one to continue dating one or the other? He seemed to at the minimum like them both – I guess I am confused – it seems like he led them on – to at least believe he would date one after the show.

My opinion is that he simply does not want to commit to any women. He is 35 and single – obviously he does not want a girlfriend or wife. I wonder when he discovered that he did not even want to continue dating either woman.

I like him as well– but I feel as if he should have never pretended that he really wanted to find a wife.

You’ve got to respect a guy who knows his own worth and refuses to compromise when making such a life-altering decision. Plus, he’s had weeks of free commercial time for “Bachelor Brad.” Can you imagine the number of babes lined up outside his clubs, waiting for their opportunity to show our self-made millionaire that they have the right stuff to be Mrs. Womack and bear his children???? Now he can conducts his dates in private and hopefully find a woman who meets his high standards. In the meantime, he’ll be having one heck of a good time –I hope he’s not allergic to silicone….!

STEVE!!!!! Yeah, I’m weighing in. To be perfectly honest, I called it a little over a week ago…but I was still shocked when it happened. I saw him send Jenni home and then here comes Deanna and I swear I thought he was going to fall over. For whatever reason, this finale really bothered me. THANK GOD he was honest. I am so sick of these pansy ass men wasting 2 million dollar engagement rings on women they won’t see after the finale airs. But at the end of this I sat there thinking, couldn’t he have at least asked one of them to date? Or go ala what’s his name and ask them BOTH to date (that was priceless by the way. I wondered when he became a Mormon). And then, that pathetic little shot of him sitting on the altar, holding the ring…god, it was actually heart wrenching. I can’t say I’ll never watch again, but I always thought the greatest thing about this show wasn’t who he picked, but how much publicity their break up got!! And then the public is right back to another season.

In short, my darling Steve, I was shocked, but not really disappointed and I will look forward to watching the ATFR tonight. Who knows what will happen, but with 2 hours to explain, this should be a good one.

I always enjoy your take on this show, and I was glad to see that someone else agrees with me. I also don’t read spoilers, so I had no clue what was coming. After you said that DeAnna was in a picture from Halloween on his MySpace page, I really thought I knew the outcome. Why do I watch this show if I know the entire concept is ludicrous? I have no idea. I just know that after last night I am VERY eager for tonight’s reunion.

So, you are not the only person that was happy with last night’s outcome. He seemed like he honestly LIKED both girls, but the obvious nerves he was having after DeAnna walked out…that was such a red flag. I’m sure everyone gets a little nervous before they propose, but come on, he looked like he was about to have a panic attack. I’m glad he went with his instincts and did what probably ever other Bachelor should have done. I can’t wait to see your comments about tonight’s episode.

I just read your column on the Bachelor Finale and I’m right there with ya! I suspected that this would happen since from the very start, Brad has been “different” from all other bachelors. He never said he was in love, there was no hint of a proposal and he gave very few interviews. I thought he really “liked” both girls but I couldn’t picture him long term with either. Evidently he couldn’t either. I don’t blame him at all for not leading anyone on and promising something he couldn’t deliver. Good for him. Of course it was quite painful to watch Jenny and DeAnna getting their hearts broken, but they knew that was a possibility going into this. Brad is going to get a lot of flack, for sure, and can’t wait to see what transpires this evening on the AFTR show. Thanks for writing what I was thinking.

OK, to the final rose ceremony. It was completely and totally the best one ever, although the one where the girl has to stop the limo on the side of the road to upchuck was pretty entertaining! I say it all the time “do these women and men actually think it is true love in 6 weeks?” How can you be ok with the fact that your man is messing around with another woman and stringing her along also. I was so proud of Brad until they showed him sitting there crying. Suck it up, be a man! you are not getting any of those two anymore no matter how sad you looked but I am sure you will be really popular at the bar tonight.

I never heard Brad say anything stronger than I really “care” about this or that girl. Isn’t that like the “friend” card. Yeah he couldn’t keep his hands off Jenni so what. She was all over him too.

I was hoping that Deanna was going to tear him a new one. She looked like she was ready to beat the crap out of our bachelor. Oh well maybe tonight.

I actually believe in love but not from a 6 week reality show. Although there are a few exceptions but this of course is not the norm. So thank you abc for giving us someone who actually realized they do not have to pick someone they know they will break up with in the near future.

Loved your round up. Loved the finale too, I also said we finally found a guy who had the ball’s to do what he wants to do and not what he’s expected to do. I’m going to be watching the AFTR tonight too just to see how he gets out of this one. Made my day, when my husband came to bed last night, I was laughing my ass off, he wanted to know. My comment:

“OMG He didn’t choose anyone, he dumped both of them, now that’s a first.” Hubs said, Brad is my hero!!!! LOL.

I can’t believe I am responding to this but then I can’t believe I have followed this show this closely this season either as I normally don’t watch it.

Anyway, I think your article is GREAT!! and you have totally hit ‘the nail on the head”. I totally agree with you!!

You are absolutely right. He is a standup guy. Since I live in Wichita, of course I was disappointed that Jenni didn’t get her man. You have to give Brad kudos for doing the right thing.

I think this has happened before though. Remember Mr. Firestone? He and Jenny Scheft split and she was back as The Bachelorette. She didn’t pick either. In fact, didn’t she wait until after the final episode aired and then they had a now-is-the-time kinda show when she said they were just friends?

I agree with your take on the finale and on Brad as a
bachelor - I would actually be really surprised if
most people didn’t agree with you. It was so
refreshing to see someone be authentic on this show. I
thought it was really brave of him and I would TOTALLY
watch another Brad Bachelor! Are you kidding? He’s the
best one they’ve ever had!

I agree with you 100% about Brad’s decision.

I have watched most seasons of The Bachelor and will admit
that I wished for more “reality” from this show. Who
porposes to someone after 6 weeks of dating while dating
other girls and being supervised and prepped by producers?
But I do get that you could find someone you would want to
explore a relationship with in the “real” world. I also get
that you could meet 25 people and not find one that you
would want to explore that with.

My problem with Brad is that I think this was his plan from
the start. He has said that he watched many seasons of the
Bachelor and I think that he decided he would be the one to
give it “reality” and go on and pick no one. His friends
are already talking about what a hard decision this was for
him and spilling all kinds of details about it…a little
hard if they just found out last night. I think this was a
decision he made before he signed up to do the show.

I get why that would still leave Brad in your “Top Bachelor”
spot. But as a woman who has been “lead on” in the
past I see it as a jerky, hurtful thing to do to two great
women.

Ok, I agree with you in that at least Brad did not lead them on only to dump them later. Yep, give him credit for that. My problem is that he really did lead them on. Especially all he said to Deanna — who by the way was NOT my favorite. He told her things and talked with her about things that would lead her to believe it was her. I know ABC has him say or do certain things, but come on.

I will say this, of the two ‘dumpees’ I thought Jenni was much sweeter about the whole thing. Deanna on the other hand, just flat out got mad. Not that I blame her, but I am surprised she even let him hold her hand after that dumping!

It was a weird ending and I am looking forward to see what happens on the ATFR. Some are saying he will come back and propose on that. I don’t know, he seemed to know what he was doing and to propose on that show would be almost worse than the dumping he did last nite. JMHO.

Best finale ever, best bachelor ever!

I can’t wait for him trying to explain why he didn’t fall in love with that look on his face like “all these people are looney!”

Anyway, as for my comment on this season and the finale..I have to say I have totally agreed with you through the whole thing. I thought Brad was the most honest and sincere guy ever. He really seems to be genuinely nice. When you couldn’t come up with anything bad to say about him I thought the same thing. I tried to find something wrong with him but just couldn’t. In the finale, there were several clues that something wasn’t going to be what we expected. First, it was the announcement that it was going to be the most shocking or unexpected ending in history. At first I thought since most people thought he’d pick Deanna that maybe he’d pick Jenny, then I thought maybe he’d pick Jenny and she’d turn him down. Although I didn’t expect him to not choose either, I thought it was a good thing. He did say to his brother that when he was with one girl, he thought about the other and vice versa, so I thought he sounded like he really didn’t have strong enough feelings for either one in particular because if he really felt ‘in love’ feelings he’d have known. And like you said, it was really honest of him to not choose either if it wasn’t there for him. Brave move on his part but that just showed he is for real. I felt kind of bad for the girls, not really Jenny who I do believe was only in it for her resume, but more for Deanna, but would she rather be picked just because it was down to one or the other when he didn’t really love either? I’d rather know at the moment then wait months to get dumped. Anyway,I may be in the minority but I thought he did the right thing. I even said to my son when Brad walked off the podium that he wasn’t going to pick her either and thought it was a good thing, that he didn’t just settle just because he had to for the show. And I also said something you said which was that they should give him another 25 girls and see if he can find someone in that group….why not? He is obviously single for a reason, because he can’t find that special someone and just because the show picked 25 didn’t mean any of them have to be the one he wanted, so let him try again. He obviously is truly looking for “the one” whether that is possible or not is another thing but he thinks so. Anyway, I think he’s terrific and hope he does find someone someday. I can’t wait until the “after the rose” show and look forward to your comments. Thanks for writing such a great column and I look forward to continue reading it in the future.

I knew you felt like that. That was the best ever. He pulled a better one than Jenn Schiff. I wonder what ramifications this has for the future of the show though. I don’t see how abc can save face with this one. Bottom line he wasn’t in love. I thought he had a strange look on his face when Deedee was giving her last sales pitch desperation speech about how much she wanted to be with him. He had a “You are about to get dumped” look on his face so I was surprised when he dumped Jenni and thought he was going to pick her. I wonder why he went out and bought a ring though. Is that mandatory? I hope you write something tomorrow. I mean tonight will be amazing listening to these women rake him over for not picking them and telling him what a mistake he made. Yeah, that is always convincing. Good for Brad! Jenni was shallow and DeeDee just wasn’t good enough for him. Bottom line. I loved it!

Never read your blog/column before but I guess I should have all season; every season. You’re terrific!

I was totally shocked that both women were dumped because I am one of those women who still believe in the happily ever after (why I don’t know - been divorced 20 years!) lol

But the part about Brad texting his old girlfriend. What’s that all about? Maybe he should have fessed up? Where’s the honesty in that? More reality would have been to include the old girlfriend in the show.

When Brad started doing his circling of the wagons I thought he was going to say to Deanna that he made a mistake sending Jenni home. Now that would have been a REAL SURPRISE ENDING.

And how many of the former bachelors did actually get married? Only a few, right? Ryan and Trista take the cake. And isn’t Prince Borghase now dating the runner up; the virgin?

Reality check -Yes you can get married after 6 weeks. I did. Met in August, was proposed to in September, and married in October. It lasted 19 years - 2 great children - and now 6 grandchildren.

I will be watching next season.

It would be nice to have another Bachelorette or bring back the show with the people my age who were dating and had kids.

Amen! Yeah for honesty!!!!

I think you are being naive and let me tell you why…Let’s talk Brad for a second. What do we know about him?

1) He is a self-made millionaire.
2) He has a bunch of bars and now wants to expand/do other ventures.
3) He was repeatedly named “the sexiest bachelor ever”.
4) He wants to get married only once.
5) He has an identical twin brother (women love that.)

Just from knowing those 5 things do you honestly believe the guy needs a TV show to find a wife? P-lease. He is a businessman. He was there to get some free publicity, not to find his future spouse. I am sure he was open to the possibility of finding one, but it was not his main objective. When you feel that marriage is sacred and you only want to do it once, you would never try finding a wife on a TV show among 25 contestants that someone else pre-selects for you. When you are THAT serious about it, you’ll try to have as many options as possible and not go for the attention-whore types. Just my two cents..

I agree. Finally, someone who was honest and didn’t string someone along. I think Brad really wanted to find someone, but these weren’t the girls. Yes, the girls got hurt, but that is the chance they take going into the show. I thought it was great and I can’t wait to see tonight’s show.

I was shocked last night when Brad dumped BOTH girls and I thought Brad was a jerk for doing that. See, I don’t mind that these desperados, go on a show on national television to find “love.” I know that they won’t work out in the end, even if there is a declaration of love, but, I still like the romance of it all. After reading your column, however, I can see the other side. I guess Brad was truly following his heart when he told both girls that he just wasn’t feelin it. I did enjoy the drama of it all.

I enjoyed the “double dumping.” Finally (like you said)–a man willing to admit he’s not in love with some woman who signed up to be on a television show. In my opinion, the two final girls looked ridiculous the way they both professed their love for him after a few weeks of “dating” him. Hopefully Brad will go on to find someone who isn’t interested in speed dating and short-lived engagements.

I’m in total agreement with you. Made me like Brad even more for not caving into the pressure to propose.

I agree, that was the best finale ever! Finally, a bachelor that was honest instead of stringing them on for a few more months… I would soooo watch another season with Brad! Let him have 25 more to choose from, it’s only fair! ha ha..

I’m with you, Brad seemed like a decent guy all along and last night sealed it. He looked like he actually hated having to tell DeAnna. I liked that we weren’t led to believe that it would all work out when he didn’t believe it. Thanks ABC for a little reeality on a reality show for a change.

The Bachelor Links

Add comment November 21st, 2007

The Greatest Finale Ever

-That was AWESOME. Best finale ever. Brad Womack is
my new hero. Finally, FINALLY, a Bachelor that told
us the truth. Finally a Bachelor that didn’t try to
convince not only the viewing audience, but himself as
well, that he actually fell madly in love with someone
in 6 weeks on a TV show. Finally a Bachelor that
actually had the balls to tell each girl essentially,
“Look, I like you a lot, I’ve invested a lot of time
in getting to know you, but I’m sorry, I don’t love
you and I ain’t gonna sit here and pretend I do just
so ABC has a happy ending.” Good for him. You know
what I think? I think Brad should be the Bachelor
next season as well so we can find this fine young
gentleman a wife. Judging by all past columns this
season, you could tell I was never really hard on Brad
because he actually came across as someone that wasn’t
intereted in fame or prestige out of this. But if I
ever did happen to say anything bad about the guy, I
take it back. He’s the greatest. Bring him back,
ABC. I can handle back to back seasons of Brad
because at least I know he’s honest.

-I’m sure there are a lot of hopeless romantics out
there that are disappointed in the finale and think
Brad is a jerk now, but let me ask you this: Can you
imagine if they had the long, drawn out 2 hour
finale, each girl flying home to his hometown to meet
his family, watching him take more than 10 seconds to
pick out the ring, on and on and on and on, and then
he dumped both of them? You people would’ve been even
more livid than you are now. The fact that this
season was never about hyping up the finale, or
teasing us with “The most romantic finale ever”, or
“Will he propose/Will she accept?” promos, kind of
gave it away that something like this would happen,
didn’t it? I mean, c’mon, you had to see this coming.
I’m glad they did it this
way. The brevity of it gave away the ending pretty
much, but still, I’d rather see the guy dump both
girls, then give the ol’ “This is a promise
ring….let’s see where this goes…” line only to
have
them break up in a month.

-The “double dumping”, as I’d like to call it, was
clearly in the making as evidenced by two things
imparticular:

1) The finale was only an hour long. They’ve NEVER
done this before. Ever. And you know what? Good for
them. Two hours of that fluff to watch him sh** can
both girls would’ve been a giant letdown. I
mean, each girl meeting his mom and brothers lasted no
more than 5 minutes. They made 15 minute segments out
of that in the past. He shopped for the ring for 10
seconds, when usually, that takes a whole segment.
They knew obviously since they ended taping the show
what the final result was. So why try and hype it up
all season and mislead us into thinking something good
might happen? You gotta admit, the ABC hype machine
surrounding what could possibly happen at the end was
pretty low. We never heard ANY of that stuff they
used to promote in the past. Hell, last season, from
episode one, they were promoting that there was a
proposal. So you gotta give them credit for their
work this season. Perfect ABC. You finally did
something right.

2) When Brad practically dry heaved before dumping
DeAnna. Yeah, she probably felt really good after he
walked away from her right on the “altar”. Awesome.
Loved every minute of it. In fact, I think I wanna go
watch that ending again. Seriously.

-Now, I didn’t read any spoilers and I had no idea
this was coming, but one thing really stuck out to me
since the “Women Tell All” episode last week. Did you
notice that Brad never gave the “I can’t wait to see
her. It’s been so long. It’s been very hard being
away from her” line like all past Bachelors do. He
just said, “I’m happy with my decision.” I heard him
say the same exact thing on a radio interview. So
looking back on it now, it all makes perfect sense.
Every Bachelor in the past has always talked about how
excited he was to see who he chose again, they talk
all the time, yada yada yada. And when Brad never
said last week how excited he was to see “her”, I
figured something was up. And oh yeah, those rumors
that Brad was calling and texting his ex-girlfriend
during filming saying he wasn’t into any of these
girls? Ummmm…guess that wasn’t so far fetched.

-I hope a lot of you aren’t getting the impression
that I’m jaded or that I’m evil, or that I pray for
relationships to fail. I don’t. Not at all. I’m
just elated that finally some Bachelor had the balls
to say, “Look, I’m sorry. The 25 women you chose for
me? Not good enough. I think I can do better.” And
that’s essentially what he did. For those of you who
are disappointed/letdown/pissed/bothered by the
finale, let me ask you this: Would you rather Brad
have chosen one of them knowing he wasn’t in love with
her, only to break up with them in a month or two? If
that happened, you know what your reaction would’ve
been? “Yeah, that’s a real shocker. I can’t believe
I wasted another season watching this show. It never
works out. This show sucks. Blah blah blah…”

-Now we get a Bachelor who dumps both women and I’m
sure the majority of the fans reaction is, “What a
jerk. Why’d we even watch if he wasn’t going pick
one? They misled us.” So he’s damned if he does, and
damned if he doesn’t. I don’t know, maybe I’m in the
minority, but I can honestly say I was more satisfied
with that finale than any other finale this show’s
ever had. Why? Because it was the most real. And
that’s all I ask for. I hate phoniness, and we’ve
pretty much been subjected to fourteen seasons of it
outside of a couple.

-You know what this finale does do, though? Makes
tonights “After the Final Rose” show about as
interesting as they’ve ever had. I’m telling you, I’m
still not even sure what his reasoning was for
dropping both chicks. But it’ll sure be fun to watch
him try to explain again tonight. This’ll be the
first time in the show’s history that the “After the
Final Rose” show was better than the finale. Can’t
wait. I’ll definitely be back tomorrow with a comment
or two on the show.

-So even though we didn’t get a proposal, or even a
promise ring, I feel rejuvenated to know that ABC is
actually willing to go through with a season even if
the Bachelor doesn’t choose anyone. So now we at
least know that there’s a chance of this happening
again. I guess it never crossed our mind that this
could happen since it never did. But hey, I’d much
rather get this ending then all the B.S. ones from the
past where someone gets a one-way ticket, or a promise
ring, and 2 months later, they’re done. Yay Bachelor.
You’ve now moved into my top 50 of favorite shows of
all time.

-So I’ll be back tomorrow with some comments on the
“After the Final Rose” show. Probably won’t be much.
And maybe I’ll respond to a couple of “That finale was
bullsh**” emails that I’m sure I’ll be getting. So
I’d really like to get a read on what you guys thought
of the finale. Are you disappointed you watched all
season only to get the “double dumping”, or do you
like Brad more now because he was honest? I’m curious
to know your thoughts. Get your emails in today at
steve@realitysteve.com, so I can relay the “results”
in tomorrow’s column.

-And due to the fact that I’m vacationing right now in
California with family, and I’ve been running around
like my heads chopped off since Friday, I’ve postponed
Dr. Reality Steve a week. It will definitely be back
next week along with the return of “Reality Roundup”.
I’ve really gotta talk about what’s been going on
elsewhere in the world of reality TV. Lotta good
stuff right now. Ok, time to go to bed. Until
tomorrow….

The Bachelor Links

Add comment November 20th, 2007

The Bachelor Recap - 11/12/07

-As loyal followers of this column know, I have written an episode recap of every single “Bachelor/ette” season, except for “Bachelor” 1 & 2. And I never did those because I didn’t see them. And the “Women Tell All” episode is one I’ve always covered, albeit a much shorter column, because there’s never really anything new in it. Much the same last night. However, for whatever reason, last nights show had absolutely NOTHING in it that was worth writing about. Did it? Did I miss something? Other than Bettina seeming like she was pissed to be there all night and even her being surprised that Brad gave her rose, there wasn’t anything I learned last night that I didn’t already know or read online. Very disappointing. So I’m gonna make this column short and sweet before I head out to play a little golf this morning.

-Hillary did mention that she thought Brad was “hotter than David Beckham.” Look, I’m comfortable enough with my own sexuality to admit when a guy is good looking, and yes, Beck is an attractive guy. Too bad he talks like a weenie. Ever heard him speak? Yes, I know he’s from England and they all sound like that, but for some reason, his voice doesn’t match his appearance. Sorry. Maybe that’s just me, but I’d prefer it if he didn’t sound like a girl. Be a man. Go get yourself a deep voice. You know, like me. I feel like he should be performing opera and is really big into theater. And I’m sure this opinion will be disagreed upon by every female reading this, but that’s ok. Just stating the truth. He sounds like a little priss. Grow a pair, Becks. And stay away from that crazy Cruise/Holmes twosome. Tell them youre not interested in their whack ass religion and you’d rather continue enjoying life the way it is married to that Fembot you’re married too. Don’t get me started on her. There’s two Spice Girls I’d take before her. Yuck.

-The show was in rare form last night was their hatchet editing job. The WTA episode is almost unwatchable once they chop up all the answers, and one second the crowd is clapping or laughing and then the next shot it’s come to a complete stop. Same ol’, same ol’ last night. And shame on the producers for not giving Realitysteve.coms own Michele Leavy any airtime. Are you kidding me? You couldn’t give her a couple minutes to talk about her giant tumble down the stairs? Instead you had to give some time to a contrived cat fight between McCarten and other girls? That was terrible. Michele had a good story to tell. And I’m sure she would’ve given Realitysteve.com a nice plug on national television. Or not. Whatever the case, why even invite her to the show if the only word we get to hear her speak is “Jenni”? There were 10 girls there last night. Every single one of them spoke more than her. I’m sure she had plenty to say about The Tumble, but was edited out. Damn them. That sucked. Just bring her back as the next Bachelorette and all will be forgiven in my book.

-For those that were curious, no, I did not attend the “Women Tell All” tapings. I got my dates mixed up. I don’t leave for L.A. until this Friday. Got some big happenings next week. My nephews baptism, taking my niece to the movies to see some flick Dustin Hoffman is in that I’ve never heard of (Yes, she already saw the “Bee” movie), Turkey Bowl on Thanksgiving morning with all the boys (I’m quite sure my team will completely steamroll Sauce’s gang of misfits that he brings), and believe it or not, I have meeting on Saturday night with Jayanna from “Age of Love”. Meeting is a good word. Maybe I’ll tell you about it next week. Or not. I have no idea what we’re doing or where we’re going, but I’m sure it will be fun. Hey, maybe I’ll take some pictures to put up on the site or the MySpace page. Oh wait. I don’t own a camera. Forget it.

-Oh yeah, Brad told Hillary last night, “I think more highly of you than you know.” He does? Really? I have a question: Why? You were impressed by the fact she lost it on national television for all of the world to see? I think last night was his chance to tell her that since it’s the first time he could respond to her drunken sailor-like sexual fantasy of him. It was fun seeing that again. I was hoping they’d show more, but it was pretty much the same as what we saw during the season. Her talking about him ravaging her, ripping her clothes off, bending her over, and slapping her ass. Quite classy. And hot I might add. I’m telling you, I know you don’t believe me, but I like Sillary. Other than that awful dress she wore the night of her elimination that restricted blood flow throughout her body and pushed her boobs up under her chin, she’s all right in my book. So she cries a lot. All women cry a lot. Especially during that time of month. Over nothing. I don’t pretend to understand what it’s like to turn into a monster once a month, but I’ll just say thank God we don’t have to.

-So yeah, that’s all I got for last night. I’m telling you, there was nothing. If you saw the show, it really wasn’t anything we hadn’t seen or heard yet. If you didn’t see it, well, you didn’t miss much. Nothing revealing came out of it at all. Oh yeah, Bettina said she was turned off by Brad when he went on the defensive. Big deal. Bettina looked none too happy to be there last night. None of the girls seemed to like her and I don’t think she smiled once all night. I probably wouldn’t either if I had to re-live my parents raking Brad through the coals again. And finding out that no one likes you. Sucks to be her. I’m sure she’ll get through it. She lives in Hermosa Beach for pete’s sake. You telling me she can’t find anyone down there. Hell, Sheena’s met someone since the show ended (allegedly) and he’s already posting corny videos of the two of them on You Tube. Even I was able to pull in Hermosa one night, and that’s saying a lot. Bettina, I’m telling you, there are plenty of Grade A douchebags on Pier St. you could saddle up with on any night of the week. And they won’t think because you’re divorced you’re like a used car. In fact, it’ll probably be a turn on. Trust me on this.

-Ok, that’s it. As I said, next week I will be vacationing in L.A. and having to watch the finale there. Since the finale recap usually isn’t as long as other columns, expect more of the same next week. Too many other things going on to care, and I really don’t feel like re-capping a 2 hour show. Dr. Reality Steve will return next week because, well, I had no one to be guest columnist this week. But I found someone for next week that I have quite an interesting history with. Until then….

The Bachelor Links

Add comment November 13th, 2007

Dr. Reality Steve 11/8/07

So as you know, we are joined this week by my ex-girlfriend Jessica. I find it pretty funny that some of you were half expecting her to come on here and rip me to shreds. Do you ever think I would’ve made myself look bad in my own column? Please. I’m here to make myself look good people. I was Mr. Perfect when I was with her….for about the first week or so. Well, maybe a month. Two months. As I mentioned yesterday, Jessica was the only girl I’ve ever lived with, but it was a lot different than what some of you may expect. I would say it was just circumstances surrounding the whole living situation, the timing, and where both of us were at personally and professionally that made it not work. And I couldn’t possibly be more vague if I tried. Ha ha. Without a doubt, there were rough times after the breakup, but I’m glad that’s all in the past, and we’ve been able to remain friends. So without further adieu, onto the column….

1) Dr. Reality Steve….I LOVE your column!!! You should take Dr. Phil’s place. And thank you for giving us the female perspective too! Sometimes you’re a little biased…ha.

So here’s my question: I have fiance that I’ve been with for the last 5 years, engaged for the last 2. He is my first real boyfriend since my divorce about 8 years ago. I love him a lot, and I know he loves me. I just find one thing about him that I can’t stand. His family. He’s very close to them, which is good, but I do not enjoy their company at all. Sometimes I wonder how in the world he even came from this family. His dad drinks a lot, his mother does whatever the dad says, his two older brothers are total players, and his sister is an outcast in the family.

I know what you’re gonna say…get out while you can, he’s gonna turn into them. But I swear, he’s the sweetest guy, he’s never done anything to make me think he’s going to turn into one of them. But having already gone through one divorce, I obviously don’t want to go through another one. I think he’s the guy, but the family thing really scares me. Do I say something now and risk offending him, or do I just keep my mouth shut and hope things get better? Please help.

Anxiously awaiting your answer,
Lisa

Reality Steve: Lisa, Lisa, Lisa….oh what to do with family you don’t like. I think we had a similar email last week from someone, and I’ll basically tell you the same thing I told her. You either go one of two ways with this: Either separate yourself completely from them and be a recluse every time there’s a family function, or do the opposite, and be completely over-the-top and challenge them on everything you don’t like.

That’s a hell of a family life he has. Drunk dad, passive mother, two players for brothers, and a sister who doesn’t fit in. Yet he’s the one who turned out normal? Are you sure? Are you just saying that because you’re in love and are looking past some things? You might really want to look into this one.

And just one other thing: You’ve been engaged for 2 years? Why hasn’t the marriage happened yet? Look, I’ve never been engaged, but I can pretty much guarantee when I do, I don’t need to stay engaged for two years. Makes it seem like I’m still deciding if I want to go through with it. Obviously I don’t know your situation or maybe your schedules and timing aren’t matching up, but a 2 year engagement is something I don’t get. The idea of proposing to someone is because you want to marry them, correct? And you wouldn’t propose unless you had a certain time frame of when you’d like this marriage to happen. And I’m under the assumption you two had talked about it before he proposed. I say if you’re not hitched within the next year, something’s wrong on his part.

Jessica: I have seen great guys who come from messed up families turn out to be the most attentive and caring partners. However, I have also seen crazy in-laws destroy a marriage. But, it really doesn’t sound too bad on your end. There are a few questions to ask yourself though. Are they disrespectful to you in your home? Do they constantly tell you what you are doing wrong? When his dad drinks does he turn cruel with his words or act violently? Do they show love to their son? How often are they around?

If they just annoy you, suck it up. Sounds to me like you are happy with this man so don’t go creating problems where there are none.

2) Dr. Steve,

Are you ever going to be on TV with your advice? I think you should. It’s hilarious! My problem: I’m very insecure about my chest size. I’m a 27 year old woman living in L.A., but have always been on the smaller side. I think I’m attractive, have never really had any problems getting guys before, but, I’m very self conscious about my chest. I’m seriously considering getting implants because I think it will improve my self-confidence. I know guys like women with big boobs, but do you think by getting implants it’ll cause more or less problems?

P.S. - My friend thinks you’re cute but she’d never write you a million years.

Paula

Reality Steve: Paula, by all means, get em’ done. Get em’ big, get em’ full, and get em’ so it feels like a paper weight is in there.

Will it cause more or less problems? Well, depends on how you look at it. Do you consider it a problem when guys who wouldn’t normally pay attention to you start to? Do you consider under-their-breath comments after you walk by a problem? Do you consider less eye contact on a date a big problem? If you say “no” to all three, then go ahead and do it. You will definitely get more attention, and we all know women love attention. And you might even land a guy or two that you might not have had a chance at if you didn’t. However, those guys might be very short lived relationships. Put it this way, it can never hurt to have a bigger chest in guys eyes. I mean, we’re guys. It’s part of our makeup to look at breasts. Some are better than others. So whether or not it’ll cause more or less problems is determined by the types of guys you’re into. Guys will stare no matter what.

I do have an etiquette question though when it comes to implants. Say you’ve known someone for a while and then all the sudden they go from a “B” to a full “C”. What’s the proper etiquette the next time you see them? Do you acknowledge their chest growth with a, “Hey, you certainly got bigger”, or “Wow, those are nice!”? Or do you not acknowledge what has just transpired on her chest since you both know its obvious. But then being a woman, she might get offended she just spent 5 grand on something and wasn’t complimented on it. I’ve only known one friend who got implants while I knew her. My response when I saw her? “Damn.”

Jessica: Don’t do it!! First off, you sound like you are only going to be doing it for the male species and that is just crap. Second, women with smaller breasts look way better in clothes. Take it from me, every time I go to try something on, things just don’t fit right or a cute little summer dress turns into a trashy one because of the overspill of boobage.

Oh, and a little hint about guys…they like any sized boobs, as long as you are naked, nothing else really matters.

P.S. Tell your friend not to be so shy. I have plenty of stories about Dr. Steve that we could talk about.

Reality Steve note: Yes, and ALL of Jessica’s stories about me would be nothing but glowing praises. I mean, I’d be shocked if she found any faults with me.

3) Dr. Reality Steve,

You have to help me out over here. I cannot stop fighting with my boyfriend. Seems like every conversation we’ve had for the last month has turned into an argument. Let me give you a little background: I’m 25, he’s 29. We’ve been dating around a year and a half, officially, that’s because we started to get together when he was with his last girlfriend, who just so happens to be a mutual friend of ours. Or should I say “was” a mutual friend of ours. She no longer speaks to us. That’s a whole other story in itself.

But it seems like he’s been on edge recently. Everything I say upsets him, everything I do is wrong, and he’s just been mean. He says he’s stressed at work, but I don’t know if I believe him. He’s never been like this before, and I’m getting worried either he’s cheating on me or is looking for a way to get out. We also haven’t had sex in about 3 weeks, which is very unlike him. Anytime I ask him if he’s ok or whatever, he just snaps at me. I hope this is just a phase he’s going through, but I don’t want to lose him. Any suggestions?

Sincerely,
Wendy

Reality Steve: Wendy, I’d get out of that as soon as possible. There’s obviously something bothering him that he’s not telling you, especially if this behavior is coming out of left field.

You gotta talk to the guy and not be afraid of his response. I think you are a little, and that’s why you’ve shied away from talking about it. If the guy can’t speak to you in a calm, non-confrontational matter on something that’s important to you, well, then he’s just a douche bag and you probably shouldn’t be with him.

As for the sex thing, look into that too. Go through his emails. Check his cellphone for any weird numbers. If you honestly think he’s cheating, that’s how you’ll find out. And if you find out he is by doing that, then it doesn’t matter you became a snoop. You found out what you needed to and you’ll leave him anyway. If you snoop and find nothing, and don’t get caught, then no harm done. However, if you snoop, find nothing, and do get caught, uhhhhhh, he’ll probably lose all trust in you and you’ll never come to me for advice ever again. So just don’t get caught is what I’m saying.

Jessica: Tell him to get on Paxil. Kidding.

When a guy starts creating problems he is not happy. Yes, it could be stress but there is also something else there. Sounds to me like he is trying to get you to break up with him. But, you can’t know anything for sure unless you talk with him. You are 25 and a grown up. If you have been in a relationship for over a year you should be able to speak openly and honestly with him.

Don’t ask him what’s wrong though…tell him how you feel and how things are affecting you. If he can’t even listen to you, get out. Not worth it.
Oh, and once a cheater, always a cheater. Believe me.

Reality Steve note: For the record, Jessica’s last line was not referring to me. Our breakup had nothing to do with cheating issues. I think it was the guy before me.

4) Dear Doctor,

I’m a happily married woman of 5 years with no kids. My husband is very financially stable, and I do a little work on the side, but not much. Lately it seems like my husband is resenting the fact I don’t work. He makes comments here or there that he never made before. I kind of shrug it off, but it does kinda bother me. However, something else is kinda worrying me. He’s become quite a bit more sexual as of late. We’ve always had a decent sex life, nothing to complain about. But lately, he’s started to suggest things and do things that kind of surprised me. No need to get into detail, but it’s more or less stuff you’d see in porn. Which is where I think he’s getting them. I started to look at his credit card bill recently and noticed some charges on there that didn’t seem right. Should I ask him about this, or does that make me come across as a snoop? Should I just let it go for a while or confront it right away? It’s not that I’m not completely put off by this new sexual side, I just don’t know where it comes from. By saying something, I feel I might embarrass him or he’ll get mad. And honestly, it sounds like my marriage has issues, but it doesn’t really. We are very happy together and look forward to having kids someday, just not now.

So what are your thoughts? Would love to hear what you and your ex-girlfriend have to say. I can’t believe she’s agreed to this for you. I think it’s neat that you guys are friends. Thanks again and look forward to hearing from you.

Jo

Reality Steve: Sweet. Another potential snooper. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. Although, in this case, unless its stuff that you just flat out don’t want to do, I wouldn’t say anything. Just go with it until you think it crosses the line and you feel like you’re making a mini-porn. Unless of course, you’re into that sort of thing.

You’re bigger issue is him commenting on the fact you don’t work. Did it not bother him enough before and now it does? You gotta find out why. Could be something very serious, or it could be nothing. But if its about work, that involves money, and money is the cause of most couples problems. Maybe he feels he’s getting a pay cut soon, or even laid off, and this is his way of throwing out there you need to get back in the workplace. Probably not the way any normal husband should go about doing it, but hey, it’s possible. Find out how his job is going and maybe that could lead you to some answers.

Jessica: First off, if his underhand comments bother you then say something about it. It sounds to me like things are bothering him and he has kept it in until now. Little comments like that are a good sign that your man is holding much resentment. I am the queen of little comments so take it from me, talk to him about it now before it gets any worse.

Second, more sexual is good. Maybe he is just trying to spice up your life together. “Same old same old” does get a little boring. Don’t look too much into it. Enjoy it until it starts making you feel uncomfortable. Stop second guessing things by wondering where they come from…women really need to shut off their minds every once in a while.

Reality Steve note: Is Jessica “the queen of little comments” like she says? Ummmm, yes. But hey, at least she knows it and admits it.

5) Please Dr. Steve, let me know what you think. I’m in my mid 30’s, never married, I think I’m attractive, have a good job, and own my own house. I just can’t seem to find the right guy. I date probably 2 or 3 times a month, and have dated some really great guys, and have dated some duds too. I usually get set up with people through work, or friends, and have even had a couple of online dates. I’ve noticed that most guys seem nice and interested in the beginning, and then for no reason, I don’t hear from them anymore, or the communication gets less and less. Like I said, I think I’m attractive. I’m not a waify model, but I’m not overweight either. I think one thing about me is that I’m shy, and maybe they’re taking my shyness as being someone who’s not interested? Is that possible? I tend to be a little overtly sexual too, like wearing low cut tops, and am definitely flirtacious. So I don’t know what is I’m doing wrong, but its definitely something. Anything I can do to help find Mr. Right? Thanks.

In Search of My Next Boyfriend,
Rhonda

Reality Steve: Since I’m not following you on your dates, I couldn’t possibly know what’s wrong here. Maybe what you think is “overtly sexual” is crossing the line to them? Although, I don’t know what man would be offended by a woman being overtly sexual. Other than Jake Gyllenhaal.

The best advice is just to keep doing what you’re doing and eventually Prince Charming will come riding in on his white horse and whisk you away to Never Never Land. Or wherever the hell he took Cinderella to. Did Prince Charming and Cinderella end up getting married? Do we know this, or was it never revealed? Did they have a one night stand, and then he left her to get with one of her older step-sisters? I think someone should update that story to make it more juicy. Pumpkins, and dresses, and horse drawn carriages, blah, blah, blah. Let’s add some scandal to that story. Like Cinderella walking in on a threesome that the Prince was having with the two sisters she hated the most. I should write movies.

Jessica: Whoa, you are shy AND overtly sexual? I think right there you are sending out mixed signals. A combination of both is good though, as long as you take out “overtly” from the sentence.

No, seriously, it doesn’t sound like you are doing anything wrong except for actively looking. I am very serious when I say no one should ever look for love. Every time I have looked I have been disappointed. Every time I have resolved myself to be single and not worry about it, I have met great guys. I know it is what everyone says but it is so true. Enjoy your life and your experiences while you are in them. Keep going on dates and have fun. Stop looking at the guy across from you as a possible “Mr Right” that you are going to spend the rest of your life with. Guys can sense these things and nothing makes them turn tail and run away more than a desperate woman.

Hang in there, it will happen when it’s meant to.

Reality Steve note: Jessica and I weren‘t looking for each other, and things just kinda happened. However, our relationship also began under circumstances that were different from I’d say 99% of couples out there. And I think she’ll agree, in the end, it’s probably what ultimately led to its downfall. From personal experience, my best relationships have all happened when I wasn‘t looking.

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