The big news surrounding Idol this week is the talk that Simon will leave the show after next season (Season 9) when his contract expires. He’s currently also a judge on Britain’s “X Factor” and “Britain’s Got Talent”, and traveling back and forth to the states on a weekly basis is apparently getting old. Uh huh. Suck it up. Simon, Fox pays you a BASE salary of $36 million a year to do “Idol” and you speak maybe a total of what, two or three minutes a show? And lets face it, it’s not like the guy is flying coach back and forth from Europe every week. He’s not sitting in the middle seat between two obese people and getting offered a plastic cup of water and peanuts for an over 10 hour flight. C’mon, Simon. You really think people want to watch “Idol” and her critiques from Randy, Paula, and Kara. That’s the weird thing. Maybe he’s just being humble, which would be a first, but Simon somehow thinks the show could survive without him. Please. I guarantee that show loses a TON of viewers if he’s not a judge. Lets hope it doesn’t happen.
Immediately when I saw Jamie Foxx was going to be the guest mentor this week, I cringed. Regardless of what performances he’s put on in “Ray” and “Dreamgirls”, since I’m an “In Living Color” fanatic from back in the day, I always see Jamie as Wanda saying, “I gotch you, and I’m red to go.” Sorry. Just can’t get that image out of my head. He was great doing background vocals on Kanye’s “Golddigger”, but I just can’t shake the image that he got his start on “In Living Color”. Like Carrie Ann from “DWTS”. And Jim Carrey. However with that said, I can honestly say he was the first mentor this season that I think actually made a difference. I was thoroughly impressed with how involved he was with each singers performance and how it seemed like he cared. He gave criticism, he gave praise, he helped them through all parts of their songs. He was much more involved and seemed to care a hell of a lot more than I thought he would. So Jamie, I apologize for pigeonholing you. On to the performances.
Kris Allen, “The Way You Look Tonight”: The John Mayer of the group gave yet another breathy performance. I like what Chris has done with past songs so he wins points for originality, but there’s something about him and “breathy” voice week in and week out that makes me think he’s a one trick pony. Yes, he changes up the arrangements on songs, but he still sounds exactly the same every week. True, you can say so does Danny Gokey, and you’d be right. I just happen to like Danny’s voice better than Kris’ actually. I give the guy major credit for being creative with songs I never thought he could, but to quote Randy, “I’m just not feelin it. Dawg.” I feel like even though he makes songs original, that he himself isn’t original enough for me. I know pretty much what I’m getting every week and his voice has never blown me away, only his originality has.
Allison Iraheta, “Someone to Watch Over Me”: The first thing I automatically think of when I think of the Rat Pack is Allison Iraheta. Just not a good week to be her. I understand that none of these contestants were around in the time of the Rat Pack era, but all four remaining guys at least could pull off the type of music that they could. I just felt Allison was singing any other song. Apparently Kara didn’t though. Kara: “If this doesn’t land you in the finals, I don’t know what will.” Whoa. Did she really say that? Allison is gonna be in the finals? On what show? Certainly not this one. Yes, Allison is a good singer and has her fan base, but Kara is smoking some of the sticky icky if she thinks Allison is making the finals this season. Not a chance. Maybe since Kara loves her so much, she can encourage her to try out for “America’s Got Talent”. I’m sure she can make the finals of that show going up against guys bouncing on trampolines and 6 year old vocalists.
Matt Giraud, “My Funny Valentine”: I wouldn’t call it his best performance like Simon did, and I certainly didn’t love it, but I also didn’t think it was as pitchy as Randy thought. I just thought it was a little too slow and boring. At this point in the competition, every performance you give needs to be pretty memorable, and that one wasn’t. It was good, it was solid, but not memorable. I don’t want to see him go home yet, I hope he doesn’t go home, but I think there’s a chance he will.
Danny Gokey, “Come Rain or Come Shine”: One of his best performances. Really good and I couldn’t agree more with Simon about the confidence thing. Kris and Allison, and even Matt to a certain extent, you know these kids read the internet and the magazines. You know that they know everyone’s been talking about a Danny/Adam final for weeks now. And I think the three of them seem fine with that. They’ve gotten this far, they’ll probably all snag a record deal out of it, and they’re just happy they get to go on tour, hang out with their friends, and perform in front of millions of teenage girls across all of the US. I just think Danny and Adam are a little hungrier to actually win this thing and they carry themselves in that way. I mean, you heard Allison’s answer when Simon asked her if she thought she could win, right? That didn’t exude the least bit of confidence. I know she’s 16, and she’s probably been taught to be humble, but her body language and subsequent answer made it known to everyone she’s just happy to be there.
Adam Lambert, “Feeling Good”: I know I wasn’t alive during the Rat Pack era, but I think I’m familiar enough with a lot of the songs. I’d heard of the four previous to this one, but I was not familiar with what Adam was singing. Was I supposed to be? Whatever the case, the single reason Adam sang this song, and his whole performance was solely based on his ability to belt out that 10 second Axl scream. That was the climax of the song and pretty much made you forget everything that came before it. Contestants have done that in the past, and while it was impressive for him to carry that note as long as he did, I think it was done to overshadow the first part of the song which wasn’t that memorable. But anytime someone can end on a high note, they know that’s what people will remember the most, so he did it. The song did nothing for me, but I was impressed he screamed for a good 10 seconds straight. I timed it.
Reality Steve’s Top 2 Performances:
1. Danny Gokey
2. Matt Giraud
Reality Steve’s Bottom 2 Performances:
1. Allison Iraheta
2. Kris Allen
No Bottom 3 Prediction since with only five left, I don’t even think they do a bottom three anymore. I could be wrong though. They change it up year after year.
Reality Steve’s Prediction of Who Will Get Eliminated: Unfortunately, I think Matt is headed home. I don’t think Simon’s comments are good enough to save him at this point. Oh well. Thanks for trying. Beats the hell out of going back and performing at piano bars, whose act is pretty much the same wherever you go and whatever city you’re in. I think there must be a school you go to if you want to perform at a piano bar since none of them are original, they all sing the same songs, and they all do parodies of the same songs. Ok, we get it. Drunk girl having her bachelorette party is gonna get brought up on stage and you’re gonna make a bunch of sexual innuendos towards her. Hilarious. Really. I’ll hear the same song and jokes at the dueling piano bar at the Irvine Spectrum (is that still there?) than I will here at Pete’s Dueling Piano Bar in Addison, Texas. No thanks.
Back Friday again with another “Reality Roundup.” Still working on some stuff regarding the “Bachelor/Bachelorette” reunion this past weekend in Vegas that I did not end up attending, plus, my first thoughts on the latest “Jon and Kate Plus 8″ news. Love it. Once again, any questions, comments, emails, praises, criticisms, questions/concerns/queries for the next mailbag, send them all to steve@realitysteve.com. See you Friday.
Before we get started, I wanted to personally thank the CAP Center of Dallas (Child Abuse Prevention) for putting on a hell of an event last Saturday. It was great to be a part of, it seemed to me that a hell of a lot of money was raised, and whoever outbid me at the silent auction for the golf package, well, you are not my friend anymore. I wanted that thing. Also, I want to give a quick shout out to Miss Texas 2008, Rebecca Robinson, who couldn’t have been a bigger help throughout the night. Of course, it kinda worked against me since everyone tipped her and not me, but hey, it’s all for a good cause right? I mean seriously, who would you tip? Reality Steve, or, the blonde hottie who competed in the Miss USA pageant this year and speaks four languages? C’mon, that’s a no-brainer. Reality Steve in a landslide. Nonetheless, a very entertaining night all around and a great night helping out a very worthy cause. Of course, it would’ve even been a more eventful, for me personally, if one man in particular would’ve made his appearance.
Come to find out on Saturday that one of the head honchos at the CAP Center, whose name is completely escaping me right now and who’s not listed on their website, is actually the uncle of Chris Harrison. Host Chris has actually been an attendee at this gala in past years but, ummmm, due to the fact he’s currently filming Jillian’s season of the “Bachelorette”, apparently he couldn’t put that aside for one night and make an appearance. Probably a good thing. I’m guessing I would’ve been all up in Host Chris’ business pretty much the whole night if he was there. The funny thing is, former Dallas Cowboy running back and current FOX NFL analyst Daryl Johnston and his wife were there, yet, I didn’t take two seconds to talk to him. Yet if Chris Harrison were there, I would’ve been in his grill all night. So Chris, I accept your apology for not showing up. Maybe next year.
I’m a little behind on shows this week, so there’ll be no “Celebrity Apprentice”, or “The Cougar” recaps. I do have a few things to discuss regarding “DWTS”, “American Idol’s” results show, “Survivor”, “The Hills”, “RW/RR Challenge: The Duel 2″, plus what’s upcoming in reality TV this summer and next fall. Lets get started.
“Dancing With the Stars”
-Could they have made a bigger deal out of the costumes designed by the contestants this week? I thought these were supposed to be humorous or revealing? They were neither. Pretty boring if you ask me. I guess they needed something to tease for the upcoming week since the show is becoming pretty predictable in terms of who’s going home. The next two to leave will obviously Chuck, and Ty, not necessarily in that order. Then when we’re down to the final four, the competition really begins. I could honestly see any one of those four winning it, and I really wouldn’t have a problem either way. However, I think it’ll end up being between Melissa and Naked Guy. I don’t think Lil’ Kim has the fan base to keep her in the show, and something just tells me a 17 year old won’t win it. But hey, I’ve been wrong before. Look at my “Idol” predictions from this week. Blech.
-The pre-package videos before the contestants perform are usually pretty decent. Sometimes they’re over-the-top corny, but for the most part, they’re ok. It allows the viewers to see each contestant in a different light. However, one thing that’s always bothered me in television has been cross promotion. So last week, Bruno tells Melissa he wants to see more of her “maneater” side. In an effort to do that, Tony takes her this week to visit the set of Wisteria Lane of “Desperate Housewives”. Really? They do understand that’s a TV show right? They do realize Wisteria Lane is make believe, correct? That was nothing but cross promotion there. I’m expected to believe Melissa’s “maneater” side came out because she got to walk around Teri Hatcher’s fake house on the show? Please. They must think they’re audience is a bunch of idiots. So corny.
-How dare the “DWTS” producers take my favorite slow song of all time, “Open Arms” by Journey, and have the least interesting celebrity on the show dance to it. Once again, from the time LT is walking down the steps til the time he was eliminated, the guy just look defeated and didn’t want to be there. He even admitted afterwards he was glad to go home. Really? Then if you were that glad, how about giving back some of the coin you collected while on the show? Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, LT. For a while there, you’d pretty much become a laughingstock once your football career had ended. Showing up as a drug counselor in “The Waterboy”, wrestling Bam Bam Bigelow at Wrestlemania a while back, and entering drug rehab along with having income tax problems. So while we appreciate the effort you put out on the show, you could’ve showed that you cared a little bit more. Smiling is allowed on the show, you know. In fact, its encouraged.
-Remember a couple weeks ago I asked how big in the country music world Chuck Wicks was since I had no idea? Well, ummmm, it’s fair to say I got my answer this week. Tell me I misread my TV screen when it had Chuck performing at the, get this, “Sticks Country Music Festival” in Waverly, Alabama. Whoa. You’ve hit the big time, Chuckie. Waverly, Alabama? What’s next? Uhhhh, somewhere else in Alabama? I’m guessing Tim McGraw has never done the “Sticks Country Music Festival”. Neither has Carrie Underwood. Or Faith Hill. Or Shania Twain. Or Taylor Swift. Yep, those are about the only five country music singers I know. Oh yeah, and the dude with the black hat on “Celebrity Apprentice”. Him too. Now, I might be going out on a limb here, but I’m guessing there’s a lot of cousin loving going on in Waverly, Alabama. Just a hunch. Hey, if you’re from Waverly and you’re reading this now, God bless you. I appreciate the interest. But c’mon, did you honestly expect me not to drop an inbreeding joke in there when I see Chuck Wicks performing in front of tens of people at some county fair? The last podunk fair like that I saw, Jessica Simpson was wearing her mom jeans and looking about 40 lbs overweight. To steal from Jeff Foxworthy for a moment: If you’ve ever performed in Waverly, Alabama, at a chili cook-off, or at a chili cook-off IN Waverly, Alabama, you might be a redneck.
“American Idol” Results Show”
-I’m not sure what to think of the fact that we learned on Wednesday Matt Giraud downloaded one of his own songs as his ring tone. On one hand, he obviously is excited he’s got some songs on itunes and this whole thing is new to him (Well, kind of since he actually put out an album a few years ago). On the other hand, I’m guessing Justin Timberlake doesn’t have “Sexy Back” blaring every time someone calls him. So Matt, you probably want to lose the personal ring tone. Kinda gay. Is having the CTU ring tone from “24″ worse? I don’t think so. And hey, I only had that for a week or so. After that I figured, “That’s lame to have that as my ringtone. I’d much rather incorporate ‘24′ into my personalized license plates.” Yep, that’s me.
-We’ve talked on numerous occasions about the group performances this season and how awful they were. Well, up until this week, at least those performances were PARTIALLY sung live. They would lay down a track before hand then sing portions live over it. This week? Nuh uh. Completely lip synched. The worst part of it was all the contestants had that wrap around microphone that all the dancers wear when they sing, even though they were all lip synching. So ridiculous. As for Paula’s choreography, it’s no different than Karina teaching Steve Wozniak the Tango. Give her six days or six months, and it’s still gonna look like crap. Are these kids better dancers than the Woz? Yes, but not by much. A lot of awkward gyrations up there. I was half expecting Paula to digitally include MC Skat Kat in their performance. I understand that 20 years ago, Paula Abdul was relevant. And I understand she’s choreographed some great dance numbers over the years. But I will always remember Paula as the one who danced around with a computerized cat in her “Opposites Attract” video. Embarrassing. Then got Arsenio Hall to make a cameo in “Straight Up”, along with Keanu Reeves of all people to be in her “Rush, Rush” video.
-Times are tough nowadays for KC from KC and the Sunshine Band, huh? When was the last time he performed “Get Down Tonight”, 25 years ago? My god, that was awful. It sounded like he’d forgotten the lyrics. Or how to sing. Man, that was painful to listen to. I know it was a disco theme on Tuesday, but could we have gotten someone under the age of 60 to perform Wednesday night? I thought of few of those people were gonna need walkers while singing. That was really awkward to watch. It’s almost like when Bette Midler came back for the finale a few years back to sing “Wind Beneath My Wings” and it sounded nothing like the original. One of the biggest butcher jobs to a popular song in recent memory. That easily might’ve been the worst performance ever on an “Idol” stage.
-Ahhhhh, David Archuleta. How cute. Has he hit puberty yet? I said it last year, and I’ll say it again. Can he sing? I guess. But that kid has ZERO star quality and zero stage presence. Did you watch that performance Wednesday? How awkward does he look at a headline performer? You watch David Cook rock “Saturday Night Live” and headline all these cities across America, and then you see Archuleta last night and realize he’ll never be more than an opening act. Opening for Demi Lovato? Isn’t she 10? For all the Archuleta lovers out there who said he should’ve won last season, look no further at their careers now. I can see any male or female between the ages of 15-49 purchasing a ticket to see David Cook in concert. He reaches a pretty wide audience. There isn’t a male alive over the age of 17 that would pay to see David Archuleta headline a concert. And if you do, well, you’re not heterosexual, put it that way.
-Uh oh. We’ve got our first “trouble in paradise” story on “Idol”. Well, that’s if you choose to believe the “National Enquirer”, and who doesn’t? They’re reporting this week that Adam and Kris hate each other. Why? Here’s how they tell tell it:
“Adam is gay and a very flamboyant guy from L.A., while Kris is a conservative married man from a small Arkansas town.”
Well gee, I’m sold. They must thrown down every night because of that. Maybe they have conflicting views on the opposite sex, but I can’t imagine with all the interaction that the contestants have with each other, that there’d be such hatred between them. However, all the “National Enquirer” had to do was float this rumor out there and you can bet your ass I will be watching every single interaction between those two the rest of the season. I still have some old episodes tivo’ed. Maybe I’ll check it out and report back to you on Wednesday. So Kris doesn’t like gays? That’s basically what this article is calling him out for? Outstanding piece of journalism on the “National Enquirers” end. They should win the Pulitzer Prize this year.
“Survivor”
-Great episode last night. Yet another blindside. It seems like more and more in recent seasons, with so many people who go on the show being very knowledgable about past seasons, everyone is looking to blindside people at tribal council. And that’s a good thing. Sometimes, it’s the only way you can get rid of certain people. Hell, look at what I wrote last week about “Survivor” and by golly if it doesn’t look like this is exactly how it’s gonna play out now. Here’s what I wrote:
So I guess we’re looking at a Coach, Tyson, JT, Stephen final four based on last night’s events. Well, at least that’s what they want us to believe. Usually never works out that way though. Especially since Timbira decided to pick off one of their own last night. They still have the numbers at 5-3, but something tells me it won’t be smooth sailing to the end. There’s going to be a shakeup at some point down the line. I can see Timbira turning on Coach and Tyson because of the annoying factor, and the remaining Jalapao members (JT, Stephen, and Taj), aligning with Sierra and Erin or that other blonde chick to vote out Coach and Tyson. Tyson is the biggest physical threat right now, so I don’t know why they wouldn’t go after him. Even though Jalapao is outnumbered, they could control the game if they wanted to. They would just need Erin and/or Sierra to come to their side, which shouldn’t be too hard.
I’d say that’s pretty accurate. Now Coach and Debbie are on the outside looking in, whereas a week ago, they were in control of the game along with Tyson. The editing for the first 45 minutes of the show was so heavily towards Sierra getting eliminated, that when they first showed us Stephen and JT conspiring to get rid of Tyson, you kinda figured it would happen. Not only was it the right thing to do, it was the smart thing to do. You figure Coach and Debbie are gone now in the coming weeks, and Erinn and Sierra have no chance to win over any jury. So that leaves it as a game between JT, Stephen, and Taj. I think they’re doing a final two this season, so if we get a JT/Stephen final, I’m guessing that’ll be a 4-3, and I’m not quite sure who would win that. Both of them have played great games. JT has been more physical, but has pulled off some critical game playing maneuvers, and Stephen has been one of the smarter players all season.
-Isn’t it like clockwork on this show that when one alliance starts getting cocky and sitting out challenges that eventually they’ll get voted off? Seems to happen all the time. Why would you possibly do that in a show like this? Even if you think you’re in control of this game, hell, even if you KNOW you’re in control of this game, you can’t let other people see it. If Coach and Tyson didn’t walk around camp beating their chests, then Stephen and JT wouldn’t have turned on them. The funny thing is, even though there was a blindside last night, that still doesn’t guarantee a JT & Stephen alliance carrying it to the end. I mean, it definitely could, but there’s no guarantee. What if Coach and Debbie somehow convince Sierra and Erinn to come back to Timbira? Then they can pick off Stephen, JT, and Taj, and there’s your final four. I don’t think that’s what’s going to happen, but it could. I have a feeling we’ll have a final four now of Stephen, JT, Taj, and either Erinn or Sierra. I’ll go with Sierra just for the sole reason the show has madder her out to be an underdog all season long so maybe they’re setting us up for something.
“The Hills”
-Tomorrow in Pasadena, Heidi and Spencer are getting married “for real” this time and it’ll be shown in the finale. I’m so happy for them. When two people love and respect each other as much as those two do, you can’t help but cheer for a strong bond to carry them through until they die. I think it’s safe to say there’s not a chance in hell those two stay married more than a year or two. Kinda makes this whole “let’s go see the fake therapist” storyline kinda dumb right now, doesn’t it? Not only are they getting married, but come to find out they’ll be on yet another reality show airing this summer. More on that later. I just wish these two would come out and admit their relationship is a fraud, it’s only being done for the cameras, and just be done with the whole thing. Oops. Then that would ruin the “Hills” series since Lauren and Audrina are gone next season and it looks like the series will be about Spencer and Heidi. God help us all.
-When did Brody Jenner’s girlfriend become ugly? She looked all jacked up when they were at the club in Monday’s episode and MTV was pushing the fake “Brody and Audrina are gonna hook up” storyline on us. Please. Even though Jayde, or whatever stripper name she has, did look kinda fugly the other night, there’s not a chance in hell Brody would cheat on her with the fembot, Audrina. No way. Even he’s not that dumb. Well, he did agree to do “Bromance”, so maybe I’m giving him too much credit. Just more manufactured B.S. to keep the season interesting. Once again, this season has nothing to do with Lauren and everything to do with people around her. It’s amazing its even lasted five seasons considering the little intrigue the show has.
“RW/RR Challenge: The Duel 2″
-One thing I realized while watching this week and seeing Brittini and Amanda competing was that how in the world can they possibly cast a “Duel 2″ and not have that crazy ass Joey from “RW: Hollywood” on it? That guy is television gold. I don’t know, maybe he’s less interesting if he’s sober, but whatever happened with that? Has he fallen off the wagon? Does he still go around talking like Macho Man Randy Savage? Does he still douche-out his hair? Is he still a belligerent drunk that throws things around when he’s bombed? I need an update on that guy. By far one of the weirder people they’ve ever cast on that show, which makes him a prime candidate for one of the Challenges, right? For his sake, I hope he’s stayed sober. But for TV’s sake, I hope he’s not. If that made any sense. Just someone get me an update on that psycho, cross eyed, steroid monster. Wait, forget it. I just found him. www.joeykovar.com. Oh lord. What a douche. For only $29.95, you can join his fan club and get “exclusive access to never before seen videos and photos, weekly text and video blogs, nutrition and fitness journals, exclusive latest news and local appearances, workout videos, and you will receive an 8 x 10 autographed photo of Joey.” Really? Well damn, here’s my credit card number. Sign me up ten times, please.
-Did I see in the previews for next week that we’re going to have some lesbian action? Outstanding. Whoever would’ve thought it would include that nymph Jen with the painted on eyebrows from “RW: Denver”? Shocking really. I only say that because, well, I believe she banged every guy in Colorado when she was on the show. Or tried to. Always find the classy chicks for the “Real World”, don’t they? You know what else I was surprised to hear? That MJ is married now with a kid. Did he consult Landon on this? Or is it their kid? Talk about a bromance. Has there ever been two guys that fell in love with each other on the show more than MJ and Brandon during “RW: Philly”? Didn’t think so. I hope they raise that kid of theirs properly.
-Who has a better job in the world right now than TJ Lavin? I’d say all the kiddies competing on these challenges, but they actually have to do some work. TJ just gets to take a couple months vacation twice a year, tell everyone what city they’re in before each challenge so they can clap (I’ve never understood that part), and basically has about as much TV hosting skills as I do. Zero emotion. He’s like the Jesse James of reality TV hosting. And he’s a professional BMX rider in his spare time? Wow. Must be a hell of a demanding job if you get 6 months vacation a year. And just think, the other six months are spent riding a bike around doing wheelies. Needless to say, I’m jealous of TJ Lavin. I wonder if when all these kids were in New Zealand they dropped by the “Bachelor” set during the overnight dates and hung out with Jason, Melissa, Molly, and Jillian?
“I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here”
-NBC decided to pick up this cancelled ABC show from about 5 years back and revive it because, well, who doesn’t want to see this? Ten “celebrities” dropped in the middle of the jungle, somewhat “Survivor” style, but this one I believe is voted on by the public about what challenges they have to perform in. The cast officially gets announced later today, but those confirmed already are: Spencer and Heidi (of course), Janice Dickinson, Duane “Dog the Bounty Hunter” Chapman, and Sanjaya. Wow. Could we possibly scrape at the bottom of the reality show barrel any more? This starts on June 1st and I can’t tell you how uninterested I am. Sure, I’ll watch the first episode to see if any crazed lions decide to maul Spencer or Heidi, but other than that, I think I’m good. This is going to be awful.
“Superstars”
-Also being revived, because Hollywood is so original nowadays, is the “Superstars” competition that pits a current world class athlete with a TV “celebrity” to compete in athletic challenges every week until there’s only one team left. The eight teams are:
Terrell Owens & Joanna Krupa
Jeff Kent & Ali Landry
Robert Horry & Estella Warren
Bode Miller & Paige Hemmis
Kristi Leskinen & Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Lisa Leslie & Dan Cortese
Jennifer Capriati & David Charvet
Brandi Chastain & Julio Iglesias, Jr.
Whoa. Did someone tell Maksim he’ll actually have to be wearing a shirt for these competitions? How did he agree to that? Looks like he’s all excited for his upcoming nuptials with Karina now that he’s going off doing this. Now this is a show I’ll be watching, no doubt. If for the sole reason that Ali Landry is involved. The only way it could’ve been better is if they stuck Ali with ex-husband Mario Lopez. I think America would’ve been glued to the TV watching them awkwardly discuss their two week marriage because Mario couldn’t keep it in his pants. Awesome. Nice one, Mario.
That’s it for this week. We are very close to launching the RealitySteve.com merchandise store. Still finalizing a few things, but I hope to have it up and running by the start of the “Bachelorette” on May 18th. So far, we have three different designs that I hope you like. Any questions, comments, emails, praises, criticisms, queries, send them to steve@realitysteve.com. Until next week.
Sometimes the show is just better without a mentor. I mean, did Quentin Tarantino really add much to the show last week other than comedic value for his awful haircut? Didn’t think so. Let’s do mentors, like, every third or fourth week. Disco Week doesn’t need mentors anyway since I can’t remember the last time a disco song was ever written. I found it funny that on Disco Week, of the seven performances, four weren’t even up tempo disco beats. I understand the judges harp on the contestants for being original, but if you’re having a theme week like Disco, don’t you kinda need your contestants to sing the song as is. For one week, can’t they just throw the “originality” card out the window and just have fun? There was nothing “disco” about last nights show in the least bit. Kris, Adam, Allison, and Anoop all slowed things up. Just didn’t make much sense to me.
Good to see that the “only 2 judges speak at a time” experiment was sh**canned after one week. Nice try. That was never going to fly with the audience. This was the first “Idol” episode in recent memory where the contestants didn’t have a pre-packaged video shown before they performed. Unless I’m completely forgetting, I can’t remember the last time they did this. Yes, they finished on time, and yes all the judges got all their comments in, but it was really weird to see. Especially once they opened the show, all the contestants came out, Ryan scooted them all to the side except Lil’, who immediately started singing. The fact she had to go first, the fact that it felt rushed, and the fact that, well, it sucked, probably doesn’t help her chances tonight. On to the performances.
Lil’ Rounds, “I’m Every Woman”: Definitely started off on the wrong foot when she was into her first line and my seat wasn’t even warm yet. All started much too quickly for me. And hasn’t this song been sung at least once every season? I could’ve sworn I’ve heard that exact same performance 100 times before. Whether or not her voice was shot, I have no idea since I guess we’re supposed to believe Paula, but it didn’t seem like Lil’ sang too many lyrics to this song, did it? Seems like she was “oooh’ing” and “aaaahhh’ing” and repeating a lot of words and phrases over and over. Didn’t care for it at all. However, it was great to see her mother turn into the female David Alan Grier and start bitching out all the judges once she heard they all hated her little daughter again. Lil’s days are numbered on this show. The only way she stays is if her fan base flooded the phone lines last night because the judges were so harsh on her. We’ve seen it work that way before. Scott Savol. Enough said.
Kris Allen, “She Works Hard For the Money”: As I go into my inner Kara, here’s the thing with Kris: He’s usually pretty solid every week, almost always scores points for originality, but when has he ever blown you away with a performance or actually showed any vocal range? All his songs sound exactly the same. He’s very John Mayer-ish if you ask me. Likable guy, has a good voice, but his performances don’t seem to really challenge any sort of vocal range. I guarantee he’s going to put out an album of songs dedicated to chicks. You know, the title of the album will be “Lonely Hearts”, and he’ll have track titles like “If You Were Mine”, “These Days Without You”, “All is Lost”, “Can’t Breathe”, and “Angel of Mine”. You know it’s coming. I just see him being the unplugged guy who sits on his stool, plays his guitar, and tries his damndest to get every female in the audience to start crying or throwing their panties on stage.
Danny Gokey, “September”: Now here’s a song that’s definitely been performed every season. You pretty much know what you’re getting from Danny every week. Solid performance, good vocals, and avoiding the bottom three. When the judges touted him as the favorite at the beginning of the season, it doesn’t look like it became a curse, but, it almost seems like he knows he’ll be in the finals as long as he doesn’t crap himself on stage one week. He’s still better singing ballads than up tempo stuff, but last night didn’t seem as awkward as his past up tempo performances. The dancing was a little more controlled, and I think because of that, his vocals were better. On the downside, there really wasn’t anything original about it. Not like it matters when it comes to Danny since his fanbase is so big, they’re voting regardless. He’s safe, but I do think he might have to pick it up a bit down the homestretch just in case the complacency factor starts setting in.
Allison Iraheta, “Hot Stuff”: I know I’ve been harsh on Allison in the past few weeks. Well, basically since the top 13 started. I’ve just never really understood the push behind her. Here’s the positives about Allison: For 16 years old, she’s definitely not lacking confidence. She acts like she’s been on stage for years. Doesn’t come across as 16 years old when she performs at all. Negatives: Everything else. Ha ha. I’m kidding. She’s got a decent voice, but not an “everyday” voice. Meaning it’s so different that most people are probably split on her, either they can deal with her raspiness and hard rock feel she puts into every song, or they won’t. And I don’t know what it is, but there hasn’t really been one performance she’s ever given that was memorable to me. Only Adam, Danny, and Matt have given a memorable performance at least once this season for me.
Adam Lambert, “If I Can’t Have You”: Blew everyone else away. Great performance. Really isn’t much else to say. Every week you want to see what this guy is gonna do, and every week he delivers in some way, whether you like it or not. Once again, probably the most talented professional they’ve ever had on this show. I still think winning “Idol” won’t be the best thing for his career. He doesn’t fit what “Idol” tries to sell America. And you know what? I’m almost starting to look at Adam as bigger than this competition. Since he does have a professional background, and he has been a professionally trained theater actor, I just feel this show is a tad beneath him. I kinda see his career in the same light as Katharine McPhee’s. Not saying that Katherine McPhee was bigger than the show, because she wasn’t, but her career since “Idol” hasn’t really been about her music. She put out an album that didn’t do well, but she got to perform with Andrea Bocelli, she did an indie film, she did a mainstream film with “House Bunny”, and I’m guessing her acting career will end up betting better than anything she puts on an album. I think Adam’s career will be more in theater and show business than actually selling a million albums.
Matt Giraud, “Stayin’ Alive”: I said last week I thought this would be the song that would fit Adam well, but once I realized that over half the contestants this week wouldn’t even touch the disco genre, I figured that wasn’t going to happen. Kinda surprised Matt did it. It was better than last week and not nearly as bad as some of the judges thought, but it wasn’t too memorable. Pretty karaoke if you ask me. At least he showed confidence this week. That might be enough to carry him through to next week. It was almost like he realized he had a new lease on life so he wasn’t going to hold back and be timid any more. He’s still better behind a piano or keyboard than he is dancing with just a mike in his hand.
Anoop Desai, “Dim All the Lights”: I think this is the week that Simon gets overruled by the public. I tended to agree with Simon in that the performance wasn’t as good as the other judges thought, but I wouldn’t have gone as far as to say it was his worst performance yet. I just think three weeks in a row in the bottom three, he’ll get a reprieve this week and be saved. Enough judges liked him that maybe that’ll win over some of America’s vote. Hell, what do I know? My guess is as good as yours. I just didn’t think the performance was as awful as Simon made it to be. With only 7 people left, I’m only gonna give my top 2 best and worst performances every week from here on out.
Reality Steve’s Top 2 Performances:
1. Adam Lambert
2. Adam was so far ahead of everyone else, there isn’t a #2
Reality Steve’s Bottom 2 Performances:
1. Lil Rounds
2. Allison Iraheta
Reality Steve’s Bottom 3 Prediction:
1. Lil Rounds
2. Kris Allen
3. Allison Iraheta
Reality Steve’s Prediction of Who Will Get Eliminated: If Lil’ doesn’t go home, I’d be shocked. But in going with my “shocking” them this week, I’ll say Allison. And then in another bit of a surprise, I’ll say Kris. I just can’t see both females getting eliminated on the same night, and Lil was worse than Allison, although not by much. I’m only saying Kris because Adam and Danny definitely aren’t going home, and I think that people will rally around Matt at least for this week after what happened to him last week, which leaves Kris and Anoop. Something just tells me this show is due for a shocker, so I’ll go with Kris. Not that Kris can win, but enough people would be saying, “Oh my God” if Kris went home tonight.
Back on Friday with another “Reality Roundup.” I have a couple stories to tell along with a recap of my “celebrity” guest appearance last Friday night for the CAP Center (Child Abuse Prevention). Once again, any questions, comments, emails, praises, criticisms, questions/concerns/queries for the next mailbag, send them all to steve@realitysteve.com. See you Friday.
A lot to get to this week as we’re adding a few new shows to the mix. Along with “DWTS”, “American Idol” results show, “Celebrity Apprentice”, and “Survivor”, I’m also completely caught up on the “Hills”, and “RW/RR Challenge: The Duel 2″. I also have a few thoughts on the “Cougar” (the craptastic Mike Fleiss creation to hold us over til “The Bachelorette” starts), plus, those nuggets I’ve been promising you about this season of the “Bachelorette”.
As you know, we are adding new sponsors to the website on a continual basis. In case you haven’t checked out “Hollywood Secrets”, it was just featured recently on the “Today” show, as well as in numerous magazines. Since I’m a dude, I can’t really use the stuff, but those who have bought it swear by the stuff. I would never throw junk up on the site, so if it’s here, you know I think it’s a good product. We are about a month away from the start of the “Bachelorette”, and as I said before, I hope to have all merchandise set and ready to go by then. It’s a more difficult process than I thought, but I think we’re on track. So stay tuned.
“Dancing with the Stars”
-This show has been on, what, eight seasons now? Why all the sudden is that theme song following me around all day in my head? That’s a catchy ass song. You know when I think of it the most? Every time I’m walking down a flight of steps. I feel like I’m in a lace shirt, half unbuttoned, and I’m walking down the steps with some hottie on my arm. I know, I’m weird. I never claimed I wasn’t. But damn that song is addicting. Maybe I’ll get it as my ringtone. The key to any reality show is a catchy theme song. “Idols” isn’t really something you can hum along to. I’m surprised there’s isn’t better. I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s recognizable within a millisecond, its just not something you can hum along. “Survivor”? Without a doubt. “DWTS”? Of course. “The Hills”? Sh**, I think I still have that song on my ipod. You know, because I had to download it for a 14 year old girl and I just haven’t had the time to delete it yet. I’ll get around to it.
-Hey, I don’t know if any of you are aware of this since I don’t think they’ve mentioned it, but did you know Shawn Johnson is 17 years old? Yeah, really. She’s also the youngest competitor they’ve ever had. Seriously. Crazy, huh? This whole time I figured she was in her late 20’s and divorced with kids. Look, we get it. We know Shawn is young. Does there have to be a reference to it every single week? This week it was re-creating her prom. Before it was how it’s tough for her to look serious because she’s still in high school. What’s next? I’d really like to cross the line here with a comment, but I’m afraid mothers of teenage girls around the world will crucify me for being a perv. Ok, fine. I’ll wait til later in the column when I talk about Miley Cyrus. You’re safe for now, Shawn.
-This show has always been about C & D list celebrities that you’ve either never heard of, or haven’t heard from in years, and basically coming on the show to rehabilitate their image, or, show themselves in a better light than what’s been perceived of them. There hasn’t been a better example of that this season than Lil’ Kim. I think most adults watching this show had never heard of this female rapper who was in the clink for a year for lying to a federal grand jury. What else you might not know is that she was one of the filthiest female rappers on the planet during her prime. Don’t believe me? She collaborated with 50 Cent on a song called “Magic Stick” a few years back (of course it’s on my ipod), that’s one of the all time greats. Think Lil’ Kim is Ms. Sweet and Innocent on the show? Check out some of her lyrics from “Magic Stick”.
“When it comes to sex, don’t test my skills
Cuz my head game have you head over heels,
And I aint out shoppin’ spendin’ dudes C-notes
I’m in the crib givin n****s deep throat
Nice. Very classy, Kim. I’m sure your parents are proud. I could go on but you get the picture. Steve-O is no saint either, but I think Lil’ Kim and Master P are probably two of the odder casting choices they’ve ever made in terms of their target audience.
-Am I really supposed to believe that Chuck and Julianne’s first date was at the Santa Monica Pier? Really? Are they in high school or something? If you’re over the age of thirteen and your first date is at the Santa Monica Pier, something is wrong with you. These two couldn’t have dinner at Koi? Maybe hit up Ketchup or Le Deux for a first dinner? No, they’d rather spend their first date with teenie boppers eating cotton candy, riding ferris wheels, and watching 8th graders make out behind the churro stand. Something tells me Chuck and Julianne aren’t going to last in the long run. Especially considering I got my question answered last week about how popular he is in the country music world. Basically he’s a novice and a complete non-factor. You know what that means? The “My-wife-is-more-popular-and-makes-more-than-me” syndrome will hit these two like a ton of bricks and they’ll be done. Hey, if it can happen to Chad Lowe, it can happen to Chuck Wicks.
-I want to thank the “DWTS” costume department for taking the week off and letting Lacey dance in her bra and panties this week. Appreciate it. And now next week, the pro dancers costumes will all be designed by their partners. Oh, this should be a knee slapper. Such fun and hijinx on this show, I don’t know if I’ll be able to contain my laughter. Cheap stunt to get people talking, when in reality, I’m guessing the costumes won’t be nearly as awful as they’re making them out to be.
-I know a lot of you fast forward through Wednesday’s results show. Hell, I usually do too. Well, I watch the musical performance for about 20-30 seconds and if I like what I see, I’ll continue to watch it. Anyway, for those that missed it, I must commend this weeks act. Did you see Tony and Julianne’s routine while Rascal Flatts was singing? Holy crap. Best routine I’ve ever seen in the history of this show. I know nothing about dancing and even I know that had to be about as difficult a routine as you could get. I swear Tony picked her up off her feet twenty different times during the performance. Spinning her around, throwing her in the air, holding her above his head, etc. Yes, I know she weighs about 75 lbs soaking wet, but still. I wonder if that performance is on You Tube? Let me check. Yep, here it is:
“American Idol” Results Show
-So yeah, uhhhhh, first week I was way off in my predictions. Only had one of the bottom three, and the person I had going home wasn’t even in there. Oops. Hey, I’m allowed at least one bad week, right? Once again, this is another show that I usually fast forward through. But since “Lost” and this were both on at the same time and I was eating, I figured I’d just watch this one live and actually give the results show a viewing from beginning to end. So this is actually the first time I watched the group performance all the way through. Usually my ears start bleeding after ten seconds, and I fast forward. So I gotta say, after watching it all the way through for the first time, I’ve been terribly mistaken this whole time. That group performance is 100 times worse than I ever said it was.
-So Zac Efron was in the audience promoting his movie “17 Again”. Seriously, how many times has that movie concept been done? I remember “Like Father, Like Son” with Kirk Cameron and Dudley Moore when I was growing up. Then there was “Vice Versa” with Judge Reinhold and Fred Savage. “18 Again” had George Burns in it where he switched bodies with his grandson. On the female side, there was “Freaky Friday” with a pre-coked out Lindsay Lohan and the hermaphrodite Jamie Lee Curtis. Then “All of Me” had Steve Martin and Lily Tomlin. I think you get my point. Is this THAT funny of a concept to make the movie 6 DIFFERENT TIMES! Geesh. Hollywood is so unoriginal, it’s pathetic. And much more so nowadays than it used to be. Everything now is a remake of a TV show, a remake of a movie, a prequel, or a comedy written by Judd Apatow starring one or more of the following people: Seth Rogen, Bill Hader, Jonah Hill, Jason Segel, or Paul Rudd. Hey, not saying those movies aren’t funny because they are, but when one is released every two weeks, doesn’t the law of diminishing returns set in?
-I watched Miley Cyrus’ performance. All I’m gonna say is this: Now before you get all huffy and start accusing me of being a pedophile, actually take the time to read what I say. I’m saying IF I was a teenage boy right now, there’s something about her that would do it for me. Yes, I know she’s got chipmunk face going on, and she’s also very gummy, but it’s almost like you’re projecting out what she’ll, ummmmm, develop into. Cute girl. Am I going to jail for saying that? It’s actually one teen girl that I would really like to not see crash and burn. Seems like she has a much more solid family upbringing than Britney and all the other teenage trainwrecks. Sure, I bet she’ll do a few risqué “Maxim” magazine covers in a few years, and the content of her songs will start getting a little edgier, but just know I’m rooting for her not to completely go wheels off and become a drug addicted psychopath.
-I’m definitely glad the judges decided to save Matt Giraud. Not because he has a chance to win, because he doesn’t, but just we can stop this huddling nonsense the judges do during the booted off one’s final performance. So hokey. I think it was fairly obvious they were going to save Matt too. I mean, next week would’ve been the last week they could use it anyway, so if they didn’t use it this week, I think it would’ve been anti-climactic if they would’ve used it next week. And with Paula and Kara both dancing and loving on Matt the whole performance, I just thought that would’ve been weird to essentially say, “We love you, we loved your performance, but see ya.”
-Disco week is always interesting since all these songs are before the kids times and its usually week that gets butchered. I don’t know what songs any of them are singing, but wouldn’t “Stayin’ Alive” fit Adam perfectly? Especially the long drawn out part of the “Stayin’ Aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive” chorus where he can start doing his squealing again. “Oh Reality Steve, you just hate Adam. He is the best and he’s gonna win. I can’t believe you don’t see that.” Once again, for everyone that thinks I hate Adam and don’t want to see him win, let me refresh your memory and bring you back to the first “American Idol” column I wrote this season. I said I expected him to be in the final two, I said I didn’t think he’d win, but if he did, I’d have absolutely no problem with it. So where in there does it say I hate Adam and don’t appreciate good talent. Adam is the most original and unique contestant they’ve ever had on this show. Period. And I don’t think its close. Is he for everybody? No, he’s not. But it doesn’t mean he’s not good. So just because I say his performance didn’t do anything for me, or I wish he would stop squealing, doesn’t change the bottom line of what I think about him. But by being the most talented and original contestant they’ve had, also doesn’t mean anything in terms of winning. It’s almost better for his career if he doesn’t win this thing. Danny Gokey is tailor-made to win a competition like this. Good underdog backstory, appeals to a wider range of people, and will be able to put out a good album under “Idols” label. Adam doesn’t sing the type of music that “Idol” would eventually have a hand in producing for his first album. So Adam fans, trust me, you don’t want him winning this thing. Let Gokey win it. He’s more bubble gum pop and marketable to the “Idol” audience than Adam is.
-I want to briefly mention this internet craze right now of Susan Boyle, the homely 47 year old British woman who’s “Britain’s Got Talent” You Tube audition video has made her an overnight star. Can we please back away from the lovefest for her? I mean seriously. You do understand why everyone is going nuts about her, right? It’s because she’s unattractive and awkward. Does she have a good voice? Yes. But you put that voice on anyone more attractive and less awkward than her (and there are plenty of them around), and that person wouldn’t get nearly the attention she’s getting. America is essentially jumping on her singing ability because of the way she looks. It was “unexpected”. If you watch the buildup on the audition video, they’re setting her up to be made fun of, then when she sings, the voice that comes out of that body and demeanor is completely unexpected. Great. But I’m baffled as to the attention its getting. You can hear that voice at any Macaroni Grill by those opera singing waiters and waitresses. I’m not joking. Good voice, no doubt. But lets not act like we’ve never anyone sing like that before. 13 million You Tube views? Really?
“Celebrity Apprentice”
-Yet another episode goes by and yet another team is up against the clock again trying to complete something for their task. Uh huh. Sure they were. How come every single week no team ever has anything ready on time, or even with time to spare? Someone is always running down the street at the last minute, or in a cab trying to get somewhere in “x” amount of time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m sure that’s all done for storyline. Has to be since it happens every single episode. If there was no tension and no drama, then no one would care about the show.
-Who decided Life Lock would be a fun and interesting sponsor for this show? That had to be one of the more boring tasks ever in this shows history. I thought it was weird that it was a 2 hour show, yet, they were done in the boardroom 1 hour and 15 minutes in and they immediately started to work on their next task. It was almost like after filming they realized, “Wow. What a boring task. There’s nothing we can do to drag this thing out for 2 hours. So let’s just basically throw up the white flag on this one, we’ll barely give it an hour, then we’ll just jump to the next one.” Did you see during one of the commercial breaks who was endorsing Life Lock? Carolyn Kepcher. The former Trump employee who was in the boardroom with him for the first few seasons. Remember she left because she kinda wanted to expand her career? Uhhhh, what exactly has she done since? I know she wrote a book. Have no idea how well it did, but I’m guessing it was mediocre. Nice career move, Carolyn.
-The more I watch this show, the more I’m completely confused by Sandra Bullock and her taste in men. Does Jesse James have any other emotion in his body other than the one we’ve seen every single episode so far? Sometimes I think they need to break out the paddles and pump some life into him. What a boring, uninspiring, guy. Yet he pulled Sandra Bullock. Explain that one. He’s a different, different guy. I’ve never quite seen anyone that unemotional about anything and everything that goes on around him. You can be low-key and all, but he’s taking it to a completely different level. Whatever floats your boat, buddy. The guy just puts me to sleep.
-Have Melissa Rivers and Carly Simon ever been seen in the same room together at the same time? Didn’t think so. They are strikingly similar in the whole jaw region. And its good to see that Piers Morgan makes a return this week. Always liked that guy. He single handedly made last season worth watching. Maybe when he’s on he can gush to us more about Susan Boyle and how fabulous she is. I mean, I hate to be the party pooper here, but I just can’t grasp the fascination with her. So just because she looks like someone who could live down the street from you and talks to her cats all day long and can sing, that makes her this famous? They’re essentially glorifying the fact that she’s ugly and homely, yet masking it by praising her for her voice. Good thing is, I honestly don’t think she’ll make any sort of splash in the states. It’s pretty obvious she’ll end up winning “Britain’s Got Talent”, but then I think her career has got about a two week shelf life after that. Kinda like Jason and Molly.
“Survivor”
-I’d say last nights episode was one of the more entertaining in recent memory. Whether you like Coach or not, and I’m guessing most people (like myself) can’t stand the guy, but you gotta admit he’s turning into must see TV every week. WWCD. What Will Coach Do? “Survivor” has always been great in editing because they lead you to believe one thing, then spring something else on you. Or they only show you certain parts of conversations that certain people are having to make you think one way so that when a blindside happens, you don’t see it coming. Last night was played perfectly. You had Coach and Tyson’s alliance saying Brendan was gone, yet, you had Brendan’s exile alliance saying they were going to blindside Coach. You honestly didn’t know going in to Tribal Council which one was going to win out as a viewer. In fact, I’ll admit I was wrong. I thought Coach was gone. I thought the way they didn’t show the Exile alliance last week, set it up this week to where it was going to take control of the game. So good job in editing.
-Do I believe a word Coach says? Absolutely not. I think all of us know someone like Coach. Just a guy who has a rather high opinion of himself, is always exaggerating stories, and just is an all around good B.S.’er. That’s Coach. Even Probst knows he’s a liar as he talks about in his blog today. So I guess we’re looking at a Coach, Tyson, JT, Stephen final four based on last night’s events. Well, at least that’s what they want us to believe. Usually never works out that way though. Especially since Timbira decided to pick off one of their own last night. They still have the numbers at 5-3, but something tells me it won’t be smooth sailing to the end. There’s going to be a shakeup at some point down the line. I can see Timbira turning on Coach and Tyson because of the annoying factor, and the remaining Jalapao members (JT, Stephen, and Taj), aligning with Sierra and Erin or that other blonde chick to vote out Coach and Tyson. Tyson is the biggest physical threat right now, so I don’t know why they wouldn’t go after him. Even though Jalapao is outnumbered, they could control the game if they wanted to. They would just need Erin and/or Sierra to come to their side, which shouldn’t be too hard.
“The Hills”
-Isn’t it funny how “The Hills” is supposed to be this reality show which surrounds Lauren’s life, yet the two biggest things in her life (her clothing line and boyfriend Kyle Howard), aren’t part of it? She’s a fashion designer, we see her “work” at People’s Revolution, yet they never make mention of the fact she’s already her own overpriced and crappy clothing line. I understand this show has become a victim of its own success and they don’t want to show the side of these kids being followed by the paparazzi and what not, but then what’s the point of the show? And since all their storylines play out ahead of line in tabloid mags and internet sites, it makes it even worse. Heidi and Spencer are struggling in their relationship and want to see a counselor? Well great. Considering they’re filming they’re wedding to be aired in the season finale next weekend, what’s the point of watching them go through this fake counseling for the next few weeks when we know they’re together? Look, these questions are rhetorical. I’m not expecting answers. I’m just here to rip the show for being awful. Which makes me look even worse since I watch it every week.
-Why does Kelly Coutrone’s hair always look greasy and like she hasn’t showered in a week? Has she ever gotten dressed up in her life? What a miserable person. I know she’s a fashion big wig, but please. Quit taking yourself so seriously. With that said, I loved the interview with Stephanie Pratt. What scripted drama that was. Stephanie’s completely underqualified to get that position, yet, you know she’ll get hired, she’ll screw up, Lauren will take the blame, it’ll create drama, Lauren and Stephanie will get in a fight, there’ll be crying, and it’ll all play out like the script says. Good times.
-So who’s this D-list actress they cast to play the role of “slutty bartender that tries to cause a rift in Heidi and Spencer’s relationship”? I bet she was thrilled when MTV came calling for that role. Oh wait, no, she’s just a random bartender who works in LA who has no idea who Spencer is, or that he has a girlfriend, or that a camera is in the bar filming them flirting. Do you see where I’m going with this? How ridiculous can you get? Spencer knows there’s a camera filming him, openly flirts with slutty bartender, then acts like he never did? Huh? Ummmmm, we all saw it Spencer. The script read for you to flirt with Ms Slut, ask her to dance on the table for you, make googly eyes at her, then when confronted on it, lie it ever happened. Great acting, really. You nailed that scene.
-You know what I was most looking forward to in the first episode this season during Lauren’s birthday party? To see if that douchenozzle that won “Bromance” would show up with Brody and Frankie and get any face time. Nope. Dude, I thought he and Brody were like, totally BFF’s now. Isn’t he supposed to follow Brody around everywhere and kiss his ass? God, what an absolutely degrading show for every male who appeared on it. I never got around to reviewing “Bromance” but yes, I saw every episode. It was truly the most pathetic display of male bonding I’ve ever seen. So the first chance this guy gets to appear with Brody in public on TV and they don’t let him? Hell, I haven’t even read anything on that since the show ended. I wondered if they’re still even friends or if Frankie got pissed and kicked the guys ass for sleeping with his lover? Ooooohhhh scandalous. They should make a show out of that love triangle.
“RW/RR Challenge: The Duel 2″
-Awesome. For the first time in about 10 seasons, I passed on the “Real World”. Didn’t see one episode of “RW: Brooklyn. With a Tranny.” Had them all tivo’ed, then got so backed up, I just decided to delete them. And I missed the last “RW/RR Challenge: The Island” too. I have no idea how that turned out. But this is seriously a franchise that should never die. They should do these until the end of time. I could watch this show over and over. The drinking, the sex, the backstabbing, the drama. Genius. And considering this is the only thing that these contestants have going on in their lives, I’m guessing they think the show should go on forever as well. I mean, you can never win enough T-Mobile sidekicks or Xbox 3’s, can you?
-I have a question. Who do you think is angrier: The Incredible Hulk or CT? I’m convinced now that they purposely cast CT on these shows just so he will punch someone in the face and eliminate himself. Has he ever lasted? I think the last two I’ve seen with him in it he’s gone by the first week because he’s a raging alcoholic. What an absolute zero that guy is. Dude, because you want to fight everyone when you’re drunk doesn’t mean you’re a bad ass. You might want to get help for that. Did I hear him say he wanted to eat Adam’s skull? Is that right? Nice one. Very level headed individual. Talk about a guy that has no chance at any sort of future. What company in their right mind would hire that guy?
-Funny how “popular” some of these people on the show can become. Take Evan for example. That guy is always front and center on these challenges and usually in the mix of everything going on, yet, if you ask most people who he is or where he came from, they probably wouldn’t be able to tell you. He was from the one season where they did the whole “Fans vs Favorites” thing. So this is a guy that was never on either the “Real World” or “Road Rules”, yet, he’s on the biggest players in the Challenge every season. Man, lucky him. He must be pretty fired up to own probably about 10 sets of Bose headphones. Those go a long way, I’m sure.
-I never watched the first “Duel” so I had no idea of the concept behind it. Essentially, it works like every other challenges works to where the weak and the rookies get eliminated early, and the cliques that stick together on all these shows last longer. So basically, it’s no different than any other season. What happened to Kenny? Why did they give him this Challenge off? He’s the most entertaining of all these people. It’s just amazing how much they’ve milked that franchise for every last buck. “Real World” is going to be on its 20th season? Or 19th? And next season is in Cancun. Talk about debauchery. Holy crap. I wouldn’t be surprised if we see our first death in the “Real World” history due to alcohol poisoning. I would’ve said our first STD, but I’m sure that’s already happened considering how they’ve all slept with each other at some point.
“The Cougar”
-I have it tivo’ed, but didn’t watch the first episode yet. Just know I will eventually and it’ll become a regular feature in this column. And since it is the creation of Mike Fleiss, I fully expect it to be awful. The thing that is so ridiculous about the concept and what I heard about the first episode is that all these 20-somethings that the cougar is after are all like models and bartenders. Is it far fetched to think that a hottie in her 40’s would date a guy in his 20’s nowadays? Of course not. But usually when you see that happen, the guy in his 20’s is usually already settled in a career? From what I heard, none of these guys are entrepreneurs by a long shot. So we expect a twice divorced cougar with four kids to start shacking up with some guy who takes body shots off underage girls for a living? I think I’d find it a little more believable if they didn’t cast such stereotypical, right-out-of-college, have-no-idea-what-I-want-to-do-with-my-life guys. But I’ll definitely watch, no doubt.
“The Bachelorette”
-They are a few weeks into filming right now, and here’s what I can tell you. For the first time in the show’s history, the season will start with 30 men instead of 25. First elimination was 30 down to 20. After that, I believe the 2nd elimination brought it down to 17. Also, Jillian is looking a lot better than she did on the “Bachelor”, which was expected. They all decide to get themselves in shape and all dolled up once they realize the focus is on them. As for any spoilers, I don’t want to give anything major away just yet, but let’s just say that this season is playing right into form of past seasons. Things you’ve heard being done in previous seasons, manipulations, scheming, all will be in play this season. One of the dudes from Dallas got booted on the first night, I’m sure of that. As for other guys who could be a factor, I think I mentioned Mr Restaurant guy from San Diego Julian in a previous post. Ummmm, well, cross him off your list. Done. Already booted. That’s what I got so far. There’s one major thing I’m working on but I need a little more verification before I run with it. Hope this holds you over for now.
That’s it for this week. I will fill everyone in next week on how the event Saturday goes for the CAP Center. Any donations you want to make would be greatly appreciated, and I’m honored that I was asked to be a part of this. I’m sure it’ll be blast. Hey, with drinks and dancing, there’s a chance the dancing fool might bust out at the Palomar Saturday night. We’ll see. Also, give the “Hollywood Secrets” product a look. It’s really starting to take off. Any questions, comments, emails, praises, criticisms, queries, send them to steve@realitysteve.com. Until next week.
Let’s start off by once again mentioning the event this Saturday night in downtown Dallas at the Palomar Hotel for the “CAP” Foundation (Child Abuse Prevention). I’ve been asked to be a “celebrity” guest at the event for which I immediately accepted. Still not too late to donate in any way you can by visiting their home page here. I’ve never asked much of my readers, but this is for a good cause. If you’re heading to the event, then definitely find me and say hi. If not, any donation to this center would help. Non-profit organizations work off your generosity, and the stories I’ve heard already since getting involved make me sick to my stomach. One imparticular was they recently had to take in a 14 year old mom who was a victim of rape because the mother kicked her out. So whatever you can do would be grateful.
Moving on to brighter topics, let’s hope that “Idol” gets rid of this “only two judges speak a time” nonsense. How ridiculous was that? Yes, I realize you have four judges now, but maybe you cut back other little stupid things than the judges comments. No surprise that Simon and Paula got to do 4 of the 7 singers as they mixed in their reviews around their “touchiness” all night. More on that later. I mean, I realize you they went over by five minutes last week and everyone who recorded it missed Adam’s performance, but, there are better ways to remedy that situation other than cutting off judges comments. It just felt different last night and something I bet they don’t do again. Look, next week you have six singers. If you can’t have six performances in an hour followed by four judges comments, then you don’t know how to reign in your talent.
I would hate to see Quentin Tarantino without seven pots of coffee in him. Holy crap. I get jittery just watching him get jittery onscreen. And what kinf of hair style was he rockin’ last night? It was like he stole Moe Howards bowl hair cut then cut his own hair afterwards. Weird, weird, weird guy. Norm MacDonald did the best impression of him back in the day on “Saturday Night Live”. Nailed it. And speaking of “SNL”, I would like to formally announce that the “Jon Bovi” guys are my new favorite recurring sketch on the show. Hilarious. I’ve been an “SNL” guy for over 15 years now. There isn’t a bigger fan and critic of that show than me, and I can admit, those guys have me laughing every time. It seems pretty easy to write, but the way the execute it is flawless. Good stuff. “Cuz I’m an Indian, on a cotton horse I don’t not ride. And I’m unwanted, Alive and Dead.” On to last nights performances.
Allison Iraheta, “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing”: It seemed like she did a lot of screaming in this one again, yet Simon and Paula loved her so I’ve pretty much given up on her critique. She obviously does nothing for me, I don’t think she comes across as very likable, yet they think she has a chance to win it. Go figure. I highly doubt she’ll make the finals. When Simon tells her she’s the only female hope, isn’t that kinda like saying “Hey, you’re the best looking pig.” Considering there were only four other women in the final thirteen, saying she’s the best up against Jasmine, Megan, Alexis (who she isn’t better than), and Lil Rounds, I don’t know if I’d take that as a compliment. To each their own, but I just don’t get it with her and never will.
Anoop Desai, “Everything I Do (I’d Do it For You)”: One of his better performances. Especially since he didn’t completely butcher a very recognizable song. Had a lot of upper lip sweat going though. Was it hot in there? Either that, or he got steamed up from all the sexual heat coming from over where Simon and Paula were sitting. Did you notice Simon’s hand was on her leg for the first two performers, and then when Anoop was singing, Paula had her arm around him? Geez, is she that hard up for action now that her younger meat restaurant guy dumped her? If you’re a young entrepreneur in your early 30’s running a restaurant in Beverly Hills, then wouldn’t try and pull better tail than Paula Abdul? My God, I can only imagine the drama and baggage that chick brings to the table. Not to mention painkillers.
Adam Lambert, “Born to be Wild”: Mixed feelings on it. I almost like it better when he slows things down. But the performances where he’s doing his Axl Rose, the lights are flashing, the cameras moving quickly, it’s just all too theatrical for me. I understand that’s his act, but as Simon said, half the people will love that performance and half the people won’t care for it. I didn’t care for it. And Paula was in rare form with her comments. Paula: “Fortune rewards the brave.” “Dare to dance in the path of greatness.” Huh? Who wrote those for her? Or did she get those from a fortune cookie at the Geisha House on Hollywood Blvd before the show started? I have no idea what she was wearing or what she was saying last night. Nothing at all.
Matt Giraud, “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman”: I realized after last nights performance what Matt’s problem is: He doesn’t think he can win. He looks scared up there sometimes. Well, he did last night at least. When you watch Adam and Danny perform, they own the stage. Matt just kinda does his thing, sometimes good, sometimes ok, but he never commands a stage, and that’s gonna hurt him. The song was a little too close to the original as well. With his talent, I thought he’d mix it up a bit to be honest. I hope he can stick around another week because he seems to follow up an average performance with a real good one, but his inconsistency is gonna have him in serious trouble tonight.
Danny Gokey, “Endless Love”: Once again, Simon was dead on with this one. I actually thought this was the first time that Danny, even though he has that distinct voice of his, really did nothing with a song. He sang it just like the original and, as well as he sang it, it was just good, not great. Now, I have no doubt why he chose that song since I’m sure it was some sort of dedication to his wife, so in that aspect, I can’t criticize the guy. The performance was good for me, but actually I was expecting more. I’m surprised he didn’t do anything with it. Hey Danny, what kind of artist are you? Who is Danny Gokey? Hey, finally we went a week without someone saying that. Then again, Kara only got to judge three of the seven contestants, so maybe that’s why.
Kris Allen, “Falling Slowly”: Never heard of this song and it seemed like he sang in the same exact key the whole time. Pretty boring if you ask me. Hey, were there any good performances tonight? I’m gonna have a tough time picking out a top three. As likable as he is, that was a forgettable performance and I think he’s in serious trouble as well. It’s almost like he’s singing every song for his wife and not singing to the millions of viewers who are actually voting. That could be his downfall.
Lil Rounds, “The Rose”: I was texting a lot during this song, so I can’t really say I paid attention that much. From what I heard, it was really nothing original, I’ve heard the song a million times, and even though she tried to throw some gospel in there, it didn’t sound like it really changed much up at all. And oh yeah, Paula was at it again. Paula: “The road is really long but it is worthwhile taking.” Uhhhhh, ok. But how’d she sing you idiot? Simon gave it to her like he should’ve and then Lil, having been criticized three weeks in a row for not being any good, basically got sick of it and fought back. That’s never a good thing on this show. Regardless of if you disagree with the judges, just nod your head, say “thank you”, stick up how many fingers you need to to get people to vote for you, then be on your way. You could tell Lil was pissed and frustrated. Whatever. Just keep quiet up there and don’t talk back.
Reality Steve’s Top 3 Performances:
1. Anoop Desai
2. Danny Gokey
3. Jon Bovi
Reality Steve’s Bottom 3 Performances:
1. Kris Allen
2. Matt Giraud
3. Lil Rounds
Reality Steve’s Bottom 3 Prediction:
1. Kris Allen
2. Matt Giraud
3. Allison Iraheta
Reality Steve’s Prediction of Who Will Get Eliminated: Whew. Toughest one to date since there was really no clear cut favorite last night. I’m gonna go with Kris Allen. For no other reason than I don’t want to see Matt leave yet, and Allison still has her teenie boppers voting for her. Let’s not forget something very important about these voting shows. When someone gets eliminated, and people get all up in arms of, “Oh my God! I can’t believe so-and-so got voted off!” It’s not that they got the most amount of votes to go home. It’s just the people voting voted for their favorites over that person. I think that’s a concept lost on a lot of people. When you pick up the phone and vote for Danny Gokey, you’re not saying you hate Kris Allen and want to see him leave, you’re just saying you liked Danny Gokey. Let’s all remember that children.
Back on Friday with another “Reality Roundup.” Yes, I am all caught up on “The Hills” and I have a TON of venom to spew about that abortion of a show. Seriously, I feel like punching the TV every time I watch it. I think I hate every person on that show outside of Lauren, who the show is supposed to be about, yet, it doesn’t even cover the two biggest things going on in her life. More on that Friday. Once again, any questions, comments, emails, praises, criticisms, questions/concerns/queries for the next mailbag, send them all to steve@realitysteve.com. Comment away, donate to the CAP Center, and never buy Maddie a toy. Apparently she could care less that I buy her the exact same toy she loves playing with in the kennel. I buy it, bring it home with me, and she looks like she’s never seen it before. Unbelievable. See you Friday.
It’s been two weeks now since we’ve done this so there’s A LOT to cover. “DWTS”, “American Idol” results show, “Celebrity Apprentice”, “Survivor”, “The Hills”, and your emails. When I start referencing stuff that happened a couple weeks ago on “DWTS” or “Celebrity Apprentice”, don’t think you’re reading the wrong column but there’s some stuff that’s happened over the last couple weeks worth giving my opinion over. And what brilliant opinions they are. To start off, I’ll have you know that my computer and TV are working fine now. I realized how reliant on both I was on a daily basis when I was without them all day on Tuesday and I just sat around and watched paint dry. Took Maddie for like ten walks, went to the gym, took about a 2 hour lunch, went to the mall. Rough day I tell ya’. Good thing my dad was out of town and I was able to drive to his place to watch the shows and type the column. Let’s say I find a hobby shall we?
“Dancing with the Stars”
-Loved “DWTS” this week. Why? Cuz’ David Alan Grier cursed like a sailor when he found out he was in the bottom two. And if you’re a lip reader like myself, you know EXACTLY what he said. That was awesome. Even Host Tom didn’t mind bringing it up again and ribbing him for it, but man was David pissed. Half the time I don’t know if that guy is acting or serious, but it was obvious he was serious when he blurted out that f-bomb. Classic. Relax David. It’s a dancing show where you win a crystal ball. Plus, you already got your six figures for showing up to begin with. I doubt you’re hurting for money.
-Is it just me, or does Lawrence Taylor look like he just doesn’t want to be on the show? I understand he’s an intense competitor, but the guy never seems happy. He’s working hard, but let’s face it, he hasn’t really gotten better as a dancer. He’s probably going to be the next to go, and that’s a good thing. He really looks like he’s not having fun at all and wouldn’t mind packing his bags immediately so he can play more golf. I got a little nervous when LT called him the “Prince of Darkness” this past weekend. I thought LT was gonna go right through him like a sharp knife through butter. Half the stuff Bruno says you can’t understand anyway, but he was perfectly clear on that one. The Prince of Darkness? Really, Bruno? Couldn’t have avoided the double entendre there?
-I don’t think I’m going out on a limb here when I say Naked Guy has been the best dancer this season. First, because he didn’t have any dance training to begin with as far as we know. And secondly, because he’s gotten the best scores. So what do we attribute that to? I’d say its to the bitch of a teacher he has in Cheryl. They show plenty of the pro dancers getting frustrated from time to time with their partners, and you’ll get the occasional blow up here and there, but man, Cheryl is a dictator during those practice sessions. I guess her style of teaching works for them, but there’s obviously other ways to go about it. Frankly, she comes off as a narcisstic beyotch when she bosses him around the way she does. Can’t argue with the results, but when you look at the other pros and they way they teach, either Cheryl is just the most impatient woman on the planet, or she’s just playing it up for the cameras. Or she’s sexually frustrated. I’ll say a little of all three.
-Why does Ty always look petrified? Not even when he’s dancing either. Just in general. The guy has the same look on his face whether the judges are happy that he’s improving, or whether they’re telling him he has the flexibility of a 2 x 4. It’s that look that most kids give when they know they’re about to get in trouble for something they’ve done. And it’s amazing how in week one, he was awful. One of the worst dancers we’ve ever seen. Then over the course of the next few weeks, he actually got better up until last week, when he went back to being the worst dancer out there. How does he do that? Must take talent to suck that bad after looking like you were improving. He’s only got a few weeks left in this competition no doubt.
-I like how they introduce Melissa as “Bachelor Star, Melissa Rycroft”. I wonder how that makes Jason feel? Especially considering have we really heard a peep about Jason and Molly since maybe a week after the finale aired? Hey, accepting a deal to become the Bachelor and pretend to “change your mind” kinda worked out for him, didn’t it? So he took a week of bashing from the press. They’re already yesterdays news now so lets not act like it’s that much of a stretch that he agreed to comply with that ending. I certainly won’t and even more stuff I hear since the finale proves to me what I said all along was true. But like I said, its yesterdays news now, so no need to get into that again. Just know it was true.
-You know who Chuck Wicks looks like? A cross between Matt Leinart and C Thomas Howell. I know, random. But it’s true. If you go to one of those photo booths and stick Matt Leinart and C Thomas Howell in there together, it will spit out a picture of Chuck Wicks. Since I’m not much of a country music fan, I’ll ask this question out loud: Is Chuck Wicks a big name in the country music world? I’d never heard of the guy before the show started, which isn’t saying much, but still. How many albums has this guy put out? Does he have any pull in that industry or is he just a wannabe who’s fairly new to the scene?
-Has anyone else noticed Derek Hough’s favorite phrase of all time? I can guarantee you that every results show, and he’s been doing this for a while now, every time he and his partner have found out they’ve advanced, he says, “Yeah baby”. And even in those taped segments backstage when the two of them are in the “confession” room talking to the cameras, he usually says it once as well. Just something I picked up on. Watch for it next time. He says it ALL THE TIME.
-I noticed two weeks ago that after Cheryl and Naked Guy got their perfect score of 30, she was heard telling us that she had “never had so much chemistry dancing with someone before”. Really Cheryl? Might want to re-think that one. I believe back in season 3 you had a partner named Emmitt Smith that you had great chemistry with. I’d bet he say the same as well. And oh yeah, your dancing chemistry wasn’t bad either.
-How cool was it to see Boyz II Men perform two weeks ago? Hell of a lot better than Hall and Oates. Maybe you weren’t into Boyz II Men as much as I was back in the day, but in high school, they were the cat’s meow. I seduced numerous women to the tunes of Boyz II Men back in the day. And when I say “seduced” I mean “tried my damndest to get to second base with anyone while their songs played in the background”. Can’t imagine why that didn’t work. “Hey ladies, come back to my car. I’ve got the latest Boyz II Men single on cassette tape.” You know what I did one time when the stereo and tape deck in my car was broken? I drove to school with the windows down and a boom box in the passenger seat. It’s safe to say that’s probably where it all started going downhill for me.
“American Idol” Results Show”
-Finally got to see Adams performance from Tuesday night. It was good. Was it great? Debatable. I think he’s had better, but I also think he’s had worse. It was a good, solid performance. Didn’t really think it deserved a standing ovation, but it was good. Once again, I don’t hate Adam. Go back to my first recap about this season and I even say I expect him to be in the final two. I still don’t believe he will win, but what does that really mean in the end anyway? Probably be better for him if he didn’t win career-wise. He’s no doubt the best performer they have this season and might be the best over any season. I liked in his video package where his dad admitted, “Yeah, he wasn’t much in sports.” Then Adam chimes in that he liked playing “dress up”. Really? Never would’ve guessed that.
-Holy nose job, Batman! Kellie Pickler, what happened to your face? Yikes. Two years ago when she came back to perform, she had two new goodies up front to show everyone. Now she has a new face. Not only has she lost weight, but I think it’s quite obvious she got some work done on her beak. The weird thing is, I don’t remember much being wrong with her nose. Let me guess, she’s gonna go with the ol’ “I was having breathing problems and it cleared up my deviated septum” excuse? Kinda like the one Karina Smirnoff went with. Look Kellie, just admit you got a nose job because, well, that’s what people do in the entertainment industry. They’re all perfectionists and everyone has to look perfect or else people won’t like them. At least, that’s what they try to convince themselves of. I’ve got no problem with these people getting their shnoze fixed, or going from an A cup to a DD. Whatever floats your boat. Doesn’t affect my life in any way. Just be honest enough with yourself and give people the real reason why you did it and not some made up medical excuse.
-I think Simon said it best yesterday when asked about saving Scott for this week. He basically said it would’ve been patronizing to keep him around another week, and said that with only two weeks left to use the “veto”, they might not even end up using it. Maybe two judges wanted to keep Scott around (Paula and Kara), but if Simon is the one making the final decision, you knew that wasn’t going to happen. I don’t even know if Lil Rounds is gonna be saved at this point considering her performances over the last three weeks. Probably looking at her, Anoop, and Allison being your next three voted off. Not necessarily in that order.
-Don’t know why, but I just completely forgot to put my predictions in the American Idol column this week. I guess cuz I wasn’t on my computer and I was in a hurry. To let you know, I actually did email someone before Wednesdays results show and said I thought the bottom three would be Anoop, Scott, and Kris, with Scott going home. So I missed out on Kris being in the bottom three. Oh well. I saw where next week, Quentin Tarantino is the guest mentor with them singing songs from movies. Didn’t Quentin Tarantino do this once? I could’ve sworn I remember him being a judge during an episode. And what the hell does he have to do with music?
-Do you realize how excited I was to see Frankie Avalon performing on Wednesday? I was so waiting for him to start singing “Beauty School Drop Out”. Too bad he almost collapsed before going on stage. Guess the paramedics had to show up and revive old coot before wheeling him on out there. Kinda weird how he pretty much looks exactly the same as he did in “Grease”. That’s one handsome guy. He was once banging that peanut butter chick, right? Annette Funicello? I sure hope so. She was a little nugget back in the day. Yes, I know she has MS now and isn’t doing all that great. I’m talking about her when she was in her “prime”. Rawr.
“Celebrity Apprentice”
-Due to the fact that the wind blew over my satellite dish while I was out of town, I recorded nothing from last Thursday through this past Tuesday, so I was unable to watch “Celebrity Apprentice.” I did read that Trump sh** canned both T-Boz and Chyna. I didn’t really understand the T Boz firing from what I read, but the Chyna thing was hilarious. He basically broomed her because of her past DUI claiming he had no idea she ever had one, and if he did, he never would’ve invited her on the show. Really? We’re supposed to believe that? Nobody in casting, when going over all the contestants for this years show, mentioned to bring up the fact that she had a recent DUI that was all over the news? Please. I highly doubt that. Whatever the case, she won’t be missed. But hey, if they want to replace her with either of her sisters, feel free to do so.
-So the last episode I saw was the one where they were running the floor of the Loewe’s hotel and Dennis Rodman was crushing vodka/cranberries the whole night. Awesome. One of my favorite episodes ever. Dennis is a complete mess and if you don’t think he will parlay this performance into an appearance on the next “Celebrity Rehab”, you’re crazy. You know it’s coming and I can’t wait to see it. Dennis likes his alcohol, but even that night was bizarre for him. I’m with Jesse James on this one. It’s actually sad to watch him now. Uhhhh Dennis, easy on the “Phil Jackson said I’m the best player he ever coached” bit. Quit taking things so literally. No matter how much Phil smokes from the peace pipe, a guy that coached Michael, Scottie, Kobe, and Shaq would never utter such a ridiculous statement.
-Talk about a bizarre task, what was with the gay orgy that was going on in that one room? First the dudes had a few guys in there, then a couple ladies show up, then they’re ordering food and drinks every five minutes, and every time someone came up to deliver, they were wearing less and less clothing. And then they placed a call early in the morning all in their bathrobes in a 3-man spooning position. Who thinks of stuff like this? And we’re supposed to believe this was all filmed in the course of one night? Doubt that. Just like planting Stephen Baldwin and annoying guy from Sopranos on there, I’m sure these guys were told exactly what to do. I don’t care how many of them were in that room, nobody puts down that much grub in the course of one night.
-The best part of the episode? Ending the night by throwing up the number for Alcoholics Anonymous on the screen. It was like they purposely wanted to throw in that “intervention” episode so this used Dennis as the scapegoat. Kinda like when Bailey Salinger had a drinking problem and all the rest of the gang cornered him in the house and let him have it. Then he went out, got liquored up, and almost killed Jennifer Love Hewitt, something I’ll never forgive him for. Oh wait, that wasn’t real?
“The Hills”
-Yet another show that didn’t record since my satellite dish was taking a nap in my yard when I got back. I’ll catch it this weekend. But let me guess, Lauren had a birthday party, they planted Heidi there so they could create this fake make up session between the two and set the stage for this to be Heidi and Spencers show once Lauren leaves at the end of the season? In case you haven’t heard, Heidi and Spencer are getting married “for real” on April 25th. It’s for the season finale of the show. Really? How convenient. And I was actually thinking it was because they were in love and couldn’t wait to start their lives together. Must have something to do with that paperwork they signed which stipulates they’re a couple on TV and they do what MTV tells them to do. When does the “City” start back up? I like their fake stories better than the “Hills” fake stories.
“Survivor”
-Holy crap, is this show back on again? Seems like it’d been off for a month. I must say, every season I think it’s going to suck, or its going to run its course, or the same stuff we see pretty much every season will get old, and it never does. I’m genuinely excited to see how this Brendan vs Coach thing plays out. As Jeff Probst said in his blog today, there’s like a million alliances going on right now, and one person’s decision here or there can change the whole game. Brendan thinks the “exiled” alliance is gonna get him through, yet Coach is all over his alliance with Tyson, Stephen, and JT and thinks he’s controlling it. Seems to me that the key figure in this game right now is JT. Whatever alliance he chooses to side with will be the alliance that lasts til the end. Then again, on this show, you never know. I could see four different people winning it at this point: JT, Stephen, Coach, or Tyson. I don’t think any of the other five stand a chance in the finals against any of those four.
-There was an article recently that said casting for season 19 and 20 of “Survivor” was still ongoing, even though it was originally supposed to end Jan. 14th. Apparently since word is getting out that now there are so many more contestants being recruited for this show rather than being accepted from a 3 minute videotape they send in, they’re getting less and less entries. In fact, 12 of the 16 people cast this season were “recruited” to be on the show. Yeah, like Eddie George’s wife sent in a video tape like thousands of others do and just “happened” to land on the show. C’mon. It’s obvious what they’re doing here. Doesn’t make it wrong, because one of the best parts of the show is how well they’re able to cast it. I was just saying if you’re one of those people that really wants to be on this show and you send in your tape every season hoping to get discovered, you should probably stop. The show has gotten too mainstream to just cast random people.
-If they ever do another All-Stars edition, which I’m sure they will, you could easily take 4 or 5 from this cast alone and put them on the show. Coach and Tyson are locks. I think JT is one of the more likable characters they’ve had in a while, so you know he’d get on. Then depending on how Brendan and Taj play the rest of the game, either of them could warrant being brought back for an All Stars edition. Speaking of Coach, anyone ever read his bio on CBS’ homepage? Here’s a brief snippet:
“Aside from setting the world record for the longest solo kayak expedition on the ocean (an amazing 6,132 miles), Wade has also been attacked by a tiger shark, stalked by a jaguar in the Amazon and has been bitten by a piranha on his right hand.”
Coach is one of these guys that you just feel is shoveling B.S. with every sentence that comes out of his mouth, that it’s hard to believe this stuff. He kayaked 6,000 miles? And he’s a soccer coach? Something is missing here with him. Like if we were ever to find out this guy has had numerous arrests in his past, or maybe like five years of his life are unaccounted for, would you be the least bit surprised? Neither would I.
I need to wrap this up, so I’ll keep the mailbag to just one this week. I found this funny.
Steve,
I, too, have had the nickname Spiderman after a night of
drinking. Mine came from the fact that I passed out in bed, sleeping
on the side near the wall, and found myself actually up against the
wall, arm and leg out in a spread eagle formation like I was getting
ready to climb the wall. That was when my Spiderman was born. I don’t
know how long I slept that way and I believe the reasoning was the
cement of the wall was cool and I was hot (from Jim Beam or the fact
that it’s Florida) and that was my drunken sleep solution. Or I was
trying to get as far away from the person who was in my bed that
night. Who knows!
I do hope you’ll tell your Spiderman story some day!
Elizabeth
RS: I thought they gave me the nickname because I was just the friendly neighborhood hero. Funny that’s how Elizabeth got the nickname, but no, that’s not how I earned it. I went about it a different way apparently. For the sake of those involved, the transformation of how Reality Steve became Spiderman will have to remain a mystery. Just use your imagination. It’ll be another seven weeks before Spiderman makes another appearance, and when he does, watch out. There’s no stopping him.
I had to cut this a little short today (I know, “This is short, Steve?”), but I definitely had some other things to get to. It’s just that I’m hungry, it’s almost lunch time, and I’ve been typing all morning. Next week, I promise a couple good nuggets regarding this season of the “Bachelorette”. So as always, any questions, comments, emails, criticisms, praises, more stuff for next weeks email bag, feel free to email me at steve@realitysteve.com. See you Wednesday.
You shouldn’t be surprised that Friday’s column didn’t go up. Unless I’m in California and it’s a “Bachelor” recap, I think we can just assume I’m not gonna do it. I seriously contemplated putting it up Sunday afternoon, but after one of the longest nights out on Saturday, let’s say I was in no shape, nor the right frame of mind to be talking about what the hell happened on “Celebrity Apprentice”. That was by far one of the more fun and inebriated nights I’ve had in a while. So I’d like to thank the five others I was with that night, Mahe’s, Kobe’s, and Jack’s Bistro for providing endless amounts of alcohol to the six of us, and letting me wear out my dancing shoes over the course of three or four hours. The dancing fool was on display all over Seal Beach this past Saturday night. I should’ve charged admission to watch those performances. Also, apparently I’ve earned the nickname “Spiderman” from that evening. Hmmmm, interesting. Some stories are better left untold, although that story apparently will have legs for years. The more it’s told, the more exaggerated and over-the-top it gets. Do I deserve the nickname? It’s debatable. I’ll stick with Reality Steve for the time being. All in all, an unbelievable train wreck of a night that won’t soon be forgotten or matched. Until I show up again next month, I’m sure.
Good news! The comments section is back to working again. A little different with the number of comments appearing at the top of the column and not the bottom, and obviously you still have to register to the site to leave a comment (to weed out all the d-bags), but right now it looks to be fully functional. Also, the site underwent another face lift. Can’t say it’ll be the last one either. It might, but I have no idea. We’re still trying things out. I like the fact the left hand margin has widened a bit so the column doesn’t look so cramped. But with banners and web advertising now, only certain formats will allow us to do what we want, so bear with us. I’m guessing it’ll change again at some point, so get your comments in now before it stops working again.
As you know, I never watch Idol live (or anything for that matter since there’s no need to with the invention of TiVo and DVR’s), however last night that worked to my disadvantage, as I’m assuming it did with everyone else who didn’t add minutes to their recording since Adam Lambert’s performance got cut off. They weren’t even back from commercial and an hour and two minutes into the show when mine cut off. So there will be no review of Adam’s performance since I never saw it. Two reviews I read online said he sang “Mad World” from 1982, Simon was the only judge who commented and gave him a standing ovation. Really? I don’t remember Simon ever giving anyone a standing ovation in the history of this show yet he did it for Adam when most of America never saw it? I wonder if they will replay Adam’s performance on the results show tonight since they know a lot of people record the show. My guess is they do although it won’t matter at that point since the votes are already in. Adam isn’t going anywhere anyway. On to the performances I actually did see.
Danny Gokey, “Stand By Me”: I really wasn’t a fan of this particular version. The original is much much better but he still sang it well. He can sing the phone book. See? I could be a judge on this show. And let’s point something out about the “Idol” producers in regards to Danny. Remember during the auditions and Hollywood week, they spent a lot of time focusing on his wife who died four weeks before the audition. Which they should’ve. It’s part of his story and there’s really no way it wouldn’t have got out anyway. But have you noticed that since the finals started, it hasn’t been mentioned once in any of the pre-packaged videos? Even Danny apologized before the finals started saying he was sorry if it was being shoved down peoples throats. Smart of them to pull back on it and let his singing stand on its own. Don’t they usually have an “Inspiration Week”? I’m guessing that’s when we’ll get the full court press again with the dead wife.
Kris Allen, “All She Wants To Do Is Dance”: One word: corny. It was obvious what the judges were going to say about the performance about 30 seconds in. I was watching it thinking, “If I were to hire out a band for a wedding or a party, and they played that song, that’s exactly how I’d expect the lead singer to perform it.” There was nothing exciting about that performance, and after back to back weeks, he could be in trouble. That was really bland. And that makes it two weeks in a row for people who performed off to the side of the judges in front of a little mosh pit that the judges didn’t like. Although, Matt’s “You Found Me” last week was 100 times better than Kris’ this week. I will still debate anyone til the end of time that Matt last week was a better than average performance. Still can’t believe they destroyed that performance.
Lil Rounds, “What’s Love Got To Do With It”: Well, at least she didn’t look 60 years old like she did last week. Another forgetful performance though. And even Paula gave her the dreaded, “Who are you as an artist” line tonight. That’s never good. We did find out that “Lil Rounds” isn’t a stage name. That was interesting. Lil is short for “Lilly”, her grandma’s name. Cute. And “Rounds” describes her ass.
Anoop Desai, “True Colors”: You know it’s a good performance if a guy can pull off singing a chicks song. I know this will come as a disappointment to Anoop and the music he wants to make someday, but he’s got to stop being an R&B wannabe since his voice is much more suited for ballads. Plus, the less we have to see of him trying to pop his collar and look like King Hard Ass while trying to dance, the better. Did Paula really have to say, “You showed your true colors tonight, like a rainbow?” C’mon, you lush. Could you possibly be any more cheesy? God, go away. The meds can only last so long. Anyone else notice this mini “controversy” they talked about with him last week talking back to the judges? I certainly didn’t. I had no idea he said “Excuse me?” back to Kara last week or I would’ve given him hell. No one talks to my woman like that. I didn’t even read about that on the internet anywhere. Guess I’m out of the loop. Anyway, don’t ever do it again Anoop. Kara will “Here’s the thing, you know” you to death.
Scott MacIntyre, “The Search Is Over”: Here’s what I got out of this performance: Scott should never not be in front of the piano, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t play one note on that guitar. It didn’t even sound like he was playing and it looked like his guitar was a toy. Very bizarre performance. He was just off the whole time. But Paula’s critique made up for everything. Actually, I don’t even know what she said during her critique since I couldn’t stop staring at the lipstick that was spread all over her teeth. She is officially the biggest mess on television. Every single week its something new with her. You know what you’re getting with Randy, you know what you’re getting with Kara, and you know what you’re getting with Simon. Paula? Forget it. She could cry after someone sings, or have sex with Corey Clark on stage, we never know. Some people may say that’s what makes her so interesting. I say it’s what makes her so annoying.
Allison Iraheta, “I Can’t Make You Love Me”: She sang well tonight, one of the first times I actually liked her peformance. But her outfit sucked. I didn’t get the ruffled feather dress with the leather jacket look. Didn’t make any sense. Especially for a song like that. And I couldn’t agree more with Simon when he told her that she needs to become more likable. Right now, I don’t see any star quality with her whatsoever. She’s not a mainstream America recording artist at this point and I think a lot has to do with the fact that we don’t know much about her. Then again, she’s only 16 so maybe there isn’t much to know. Her story isn’t all that interesting, and there’s just a warmness about her that’s missing. Look at me throwing in words like “warmness”. What the hell is wrong with me?
Matt Giraud, “Part Time Lover”: This performance infuriated me. Why? Because once again, Matt’s performance gets overshadowed by a time crunch and even though all four judges complimented him, it was up against the clock and all felt rushed. I’ve always liked this song, this is the type of music he will be making with his album, and he’s slowly becoming one of my all time favorites in this shows history. I think I might’ve said this before, but, I don’t think Matt will win this competition, but I think he may end up having the best career. He can sing, he’s got that “pop” look to him, and he’s a multi-talented performer. Very impressed with tonight but it wouldn’t shock me if he ends up in the bottom three. Unfortunate they were running out of time with him on the judges comments. That’s the 2nd or 3rd time that’s happened to him this season.
Adam Lambert, “Mad World”: Uhhhh, I guess it was good? Wouldn’t know. I’ll catch it online sometime tomorrow.
So this Friday we will have a double edition of “Reality Roundup”, even though my computer absolutely crashed again today. No idea what’s wrong with it. I’m going to have to use my fathers computer until this is fixed. I have no idea what happened. I get home from California and all these pop ups start showing and now when I turn it on, I can’t even get to my desktop before error messages start occurring. I really hate computers sometimes. But I will be back Friday with your regular “Reality Roundup” including some of the latest emails from you the readers. As always, any questions, comments, emails, praises, criticisms, guesses as to where “Spiderman” came from, feel free to email me at steve@realitysteve.com. See you Friday.
