I’m making this short because I promised you a column, but I procrastinated and waited til the last minute, and now I have a flight in 8 hours and I haven’t packed yet. I was gonna spend a majority of this column on “Jon and Kate Plus 8″, but with what seems like a new story breaking every day, I want to have more time to devote to it since it’s getting completely out of hand and I want to address every single story/rumor out there. In short, I’ll say these two are money whores and I can’t believe some of the sh** that comes out of their mouth. And yes, I still haven’t seen an episode yet. Haven’t watched Monday’s premiere still. I’ll do it when I get back. With that said, TLC is giddy that Monday’s premiere drew 9.6 million viewers, double the amount they’ve had on any other episode in show history. Gee, didn’t think it had to do with all this media attention, do you? Nahhhhhhh. Let’s get to it.

“The Hills”

-Once again, this show never seems to disappoint in how incredibly fake it is. You can pick out a number of scripted moments from this weeks show, but most notably, was Heidi showing up at Lauren’s work inviting her to the wedding. Couldn’t have been a more forced conversation if they tried. Don’t believe me? Here’s what Lauren had to say when asked about how they brought them together for this weeks episode:

“What they didn’t get is that I didn’t want to fight with her anymore. It’s hard to look at somebody who used to be your best friend and say, ‘We can’t be friends. Too much has happened.’ I’m trying to move on, but they won’t let me. And when someone keeps pushing you into the same position well, you get upset.”

Good stuff. Nice to see Lauren going out the way she wanted to go out. You won’t be missed Lauren considering you have the most boring life of any of the characters on that show.

-Pretty funny how in the previews for next weeks finale, we see Kristin Cavallari showing up late to the wedding and Lauren acting all surprised and bothered she’s there? Huh? Lauren, didn’t you read your script that morning? Quit pretending you didn’t know she was gonna be in the finale so they can make the smooth transition for her to be in next season. Didn’t you ask for one of the season 5 scripts where they have her and Justin Bobby hitting it off? Kristin has all but admitted, she’s single, and she came back to the show because they know she’ll have no problem causing trouble, dating a bunch of different guys, and speaking her mind. Essentially, everything they’re telling her to do to create drama. How much you wanna bet Lauren makes an appearance at some point next season? I mean, are we really gonna have a storyline involving Lo if Lauren isn’t involved? I didn’t think that was possible.

-As for Spencers apology to Lauren, I found that hilarious. Didn’t this guy swear up and down on his grave when this whole Lauren sex tape story broke that he and Heidi had nothing to do with it? Now he basically just brushes over it in one sentence in his conversation? Isn’t that kind of a big deal? This guy told every tabloid mag, every radio DJ, and anyone who would listen he had nothing to do with the rumor. He would blame Brody, he would blame Jason Wahler, hell, I think he blamed me at some point. But this guy constantly would tell all his haters to shut up, it wasn’t him. He would never even bother to stoop to that level, yet, this week we get a full admission of it like it was no big deal. Very bizarre. Way to handle that one, Spence. And if that’s really the case and he’s not just doing that for the cameras, how does that make Heidi look who constantly stood by him saying he never did that. If Lauren and Heidi’s biggest problem is Spencer, and Lauren has hated Heidi for two seasons now for this very incident of him spreading rumors about a sex tape, and now he admits to it, what the hell would Heidi still be doing with the guy? Oh wait, I forgot. They’re paid to be together. Oops.

“RW/RR Challenge: Duel 2″

-I haven’t watched last nights episode yet, so I can’t comment on it, but I am thoroughly enjoying seeing a rookie do so well in one of these things. I love how all the veterans with no lives outside of these challenges, all have some sort of rookie hazing period with people who have only done one or two challenges as opposed to the 15 that they’ve done because they can’t get a real job in the workplace or in Hollywood. Yet there’s Brittany and Landon killing it in every challenge and beating everyone’s ass. You notice how Landon likes a little cream in his coffee? If I remember correctly, during his season in Philadelphia, he was always attracted to non-white women. Perfectly fine. Whatever floats your boat Landon. He just comes across as so cornfed, white, Wisconsin boy, it’s surprising he likes anything that doesn’t have blonde hair and big boobs.

-Have we been told exactly who wins this thing and how? I don’t think I saw the first season of the “Duel”, so I’m clueless. Is it one girl and one guy? Are they teams at the end? Or is it just one person takes home all the prize money? Seems to me it must be one guy and one girl since Brad and what’s-her-face keep talking about how they’re in this together and how important winning this money would be. Of course it would. Certainly going back and being no-names in your hometowns isn’t good enough anymore, you need to stock up on all the Bose speakers and Kicker 2’s that you can. Strike while the iron is hot my friends. Which will probably be for a while, since like I said last week, they could do this show until the year 3000 and it’d never get old.

“RW: Cancun”

-So MTV decided to release a trailer plus a press release about the next season of the “Real World”, which takes place in Cancun, and airs towards the end of June. How appropriate. Unbelievable it took them 19 season to get down there. Courtesy of RealityBlurred.com, here is a summary of the new cast:

Ayiiia, who’s 21 and was selected by viewers at realworldcasting.com. She has “a viciousness that alienates the other roommates” and “is a reformed party girl with a history of drug abuse and cutting.” MTV’s casting people are at it again. “History of drug abuse and cutting? Well come on down to Cancun! We’d love to have you as part of our loving family!” Any chick with three I’s in her name is definitely gotta be a little off kilter. I think Ayiiia should drop a vowel and become a recluse. Will definitely pick a fight, or ten, with a roommate this season and it won’t be pretty.

Bronne, who’s 21 and “is the resident comic,” MTV says, and he’s so crazy that he will “often get naked to just break up fights, or maybe just to show off the physique he gained while on the Penn State varsity boxing team.” He also has “impulsive behavior” and is “the first roommate to make out with a woman old enough to be his mother’s older sister.” So he’s Tek from the “RW: Hawaii”? And the guy likes hooking up with GILFS. Outstanding. Should be another winner.

CJ, “an NFL free agent punter” who “would be a devout Christian if it weren’t for his sexual drive” and “takes pride in his hot body,” and apparently gets mocked for his metrosexuality. That might be my favorite line in the whole press release. “would be a devout Christian if it weren’t for his sex drive”. Kinda like saying would be an Abercrombie and Fitch model if not for his love of food. I really hope this guy doesn’t try to throw around his NFL status to get laid. Dude, you’re a punter. You practice off to the side with the placekicker stretching each others hamstrings while the rest of the real players have to deal with two-a-days. Calling yourself a football player would be like calling Mischa Barton an actress. It’s marginal at best.

Derek is 21 and “the resident nice guy,” in addition to being the resident gay guy. MTV says “all the roommates love him” even though he is “not afraid to be brutally honest about anything and everything.” He’s a super overachiever, the “president of the student council, captain of the basketball and track teams, and valedictorian of his graduating class,” and “[has] ex-boyfriend baggage that seems to follow him around, even to Cancun.” A gay guy is the captain of the basketball team? That’s a new one. All the others are understandable, but that one is a bit of a surprise. And what “Real World” season wouldn’t be complete with ex-boyfriend baggage? Isn’t that a requirement every season now? Either that or transsexualism. Derek shouldn’t worry about dealing with the ex when he’ll have a whole new slate of fresh hogs to go after in Cancun.

Emilee is a 21-year-old “sensitive girl who can let her emotions get the best of her, but as the daughter of therapists, she is also on of the few people in the house who is looking to learn and grow and change as a result of every new situation,” MTV says. She’ll be the resident Paula Walnuts this season. She’ll either end up learning the most out of this situation, or she’ll be straight jacketed at some point. It’s up to you Emilee. The ball is in your court.

Jasmine, 22, is five feet tall and weighs 95 pounds, and has “the absolute worst taste in men and always chooses unreliable players who treat her like dirt,” MTV says. She’s also a “former competitive cheerleader [who] thrives to be the center of attention, especially if other women are around.” 5 feet 95 lbs? So she’s a spinner? Hmmmm, so she’s Jenn from RW: Denver? So that means she plays for both teams. Outstanding. I think the city of Denver is still recovering from all the diseases Jenn passed around. Lets see if Jasmine can top her down in Cancun. We’re all pullin’ for ya’, Jasmine. If not, with a name like that, the pole is definitely in your future.

Joey, 22, “is the tall, skinny, tattooed rocker with the bad boy charm” and is “relentless in his pursuit of the women in Cancun and hopes to be the first roommate to hook-up.” He’s also “had more than a few bouts with excessive drinking, which will eventually become a problem in Cancun.” He plays guitar in a band called Late Nite Wars “and claims to have actually seen a UFO.” So how many seconds into this season will Joey and Jasmine be giving each other STD’s? First scene? Second scene? Once everyone has called dibs on their room? Think MTV had a hard time casting Joey? An excessive drinker, yet, lets bring him down to live in Cancun for 4 months. Awesome. How about next season you go with “RW: South Central” and cast a recovering heroin and crack addict? I’m sure that’ll help them rehabilitate themselves. Joey will punch someone, or something, this season. I know. Really going out on a limb there.

Jonna, 20, is multi-racial and has a boyfriend to whom she “swears from day one that she’ll remain true,” according to MTV. She “is trying to stay focused and shake her promiscuous past, but she can’t help flirting, which turns on the guys in the house and pisses off the girls.” Oooohhhh, this means chick fighting this season. Jonna and Jasmine are gonna be at each others throats battling for Joey’s dong. And lets all place bets right now on the odds that Jonna stays faithful to her boyfriend. When she’s on the “Real World”. And it’s in Cancun. Jonna, you might as well just give up the ass the second you walk into the house since there ain’t a chance in hell you’re staying faithful. Especially when you’re a giant flirt. There’s names for women like you. One being a c**ktease. Have fun with that.

“The Bachelorette”

-I hope all of you saw that the “Bachelorette’s” ratings are a joke. The premiere episode got 9 million viewers. Not bad. Decent also considering it was going up against the DWTS finale and “24″ finale. This week, going up against nothing really important including a lot of repeats? 6 million. The consensus is this season is boring. Which it is. Look, Jillians a nice girl, she’s a cute girl, but she has ZERO star quality about her and just isn’t made out for this show. This show needed Melissa as the “Bachelorette”. After what happened to her, waaaaay more people would’ve been interested in watching her season. When she turned it down, they were screwed, and now they’re suffering the consequences. 6 million people already in Week 2? Jason’s ATFR show which aired right after the finale drew close to 18 million. That shows you how little people care about Jillian and her sixteen douchenozzles left. Wow.

I will see you all Tuesday when the next “Bachelorette” column returns and the launch of the merchandise store is official. Can’t wait to see family and friends this weekend, looking forward to the Peter Parker/Spiderman transition, and can’t wait to turn 34. Yeah right. Any questions, comments, praises, criticisms, stories, queries, email me at steve@realitysteve.com. See you Tuesday.

Administrator Reality Roundup

-Let’s first get started with where its stands regarding the RealitySteve.com merchandise store. I was going to launch it today, but not everything is set to go. I would’ve launched it tomorrow or Thursday, but then remembered I’m going to be in California this weekend for my birthday and won’t really be around a computer much. So I’m gonna hold off until next Tuesday when everything will be ready to go. I’m liking the products we have and I hope you do too. It’s just this week is a short week, everyone is just getting back to work today, I leave Thursday morning, and it would’ve been too much of a scramble. I’m sure you can all wait another week. And yes, the big #34 is this Sunday. I’ve now moved into the category where I’m referred to as someone in his “mid 30’s”. Oh boy. That’s a big step. Saturday night is going to be wild. Looks like Spiderman will be making another appearance I’m sure. And if you haven’t guessed what Spiderman is yet, don’t worry about it. Just know I will be him again on Saturday night. I’m good for it.

-It seems that I’ve drawn the ire of Canadians this season with a comment I made last week. I find that hilarious. Mostly because I essentially made the same exact jokes about Canadians last season when Jillian was on the show, and no one seemed to care. Now I’m insulting their country, I’m insensitive, and my comments are way out of line. And? Tell me something I don’t know. I’ve been doing this for 7 years now and I’ve said from the beginning, my column isn’t for everyone. I’ve accepted the fact that no matter what I do and what I write, I will always end up pissing off somebody. I get that. It’s just what I’ve never understood is, people taking the time to berate someone in an email if they didn’t like something they wrote. You know what I do with people whose writings I don’t care for, or who offend me, or who say inappropriate things? I ignore them. Writing them an email and telling them how much they suck is pretty much the last thing I would do. Like anything I say is gonna change the way they write. If anything, it eggs them on. Sure does to me. The more nasty emails from Canadians I get it, the more Mountie and Rolling Rock jokes I plan on making. Keep it coming. Let’s lighten up people. You’re not reading this column to find a cure for cancer. It’s entertainment. I generalize, I stereotype, I make fun of how people look on the show. It’s what I do. Sorry if you don’t like it, but its not changing anytime soon.

-Lastly, “Reality Roundup” will actually be appearing Thursday this week instead of Friday. Yes, I could’ve chosen not to write anything since I’ll be out of town Friday, but since there isn’t much to be writing on now with all the big shows ending last week, I figured I could get a column in. Definitely will have a few things to say about our “RW: Cancun” cast that was announced last week. Along with some thoughts on the “Hills”, “The Duel 2″, “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here”, and “Jon and Kate Plus Eight”. So check that out come Thursday. Ok, on to last nights show.

-We start out with Jillian telling us something we already know. Jillian: “I’m not a 5′5″, skinny, blonde, big boobed model. I’m just a quirky, brown haired Canadian looking for love.” Trust us Jillian, nobody has mistaken you for a model. Or big boobed for that matter. We are well aware of your features. I was surprised she didn’t tell us that she’s no hoser whose favorite movie is “Strange Brew”. Jillian understands her place in “Bachelorette” history. She can’t baby talk like Trista. She can’t be as vanilla as Meredith. She can’t be as disinterested in being on the show as Jen. And she can’t possibly be as phony and out-for-fame as DeAnna was. So hey, maybe it’ll work out with her and someone. Or not. I’m not getting my hopes up. Jillian, I hope this experience changed your life. I hope you found the one guy that you can love for the next 3 months before breaking up. And I hope you can turn this negative into a positive. Best of luck. We’re all pullin’ for ya’.

-Host Chris comes to visit the guys in his pimp black and white striped shirt. I think he stole that from any of the 20 guys suitcases considering they all dress the same. He informs them there will be 2 group dates, and a 1-on-1 date, but that not everybody will be going on dates today. This is always tense for the guys. The optimist says, “Well, if I don’t get to go on ANY of the dates today, then I must be safe and she feels she doesn’t need to get to know me.” The pessimist would say, “Oh sh**, I’m screwed. She doesn’t want to spend any time with me.” I think you should probably be a pessimist if you get left out of these dates, and I haven’t done the research, but I’m guessing there hasn’t been a single guy that got to at least the final four who got left out of one of the early dates. I could be wrong, but I don’t think I am. I’m sure some “Bachelor/ette” historian will look that up for me.

-On the group date is Michael, Brian, Sasha, Tanner the foot freak, Wes, Ed, Mathue, and Brad. It started out as an innocent little pool party where 7 of the 8 guys flexed their abs as Brad wore a collared shirt. Very nice. You didn’t really stick out like a sore thumb at all. Michael decided to pull Jillian aside and take her upstairs first to fawn all over her. Told her she smelled unbelievable, and was about to reel off a few more compliments before Jillian got up, walked downstairs, grabbed the rose up for grabs, and took off in a car. Ooooohhhh scandalous! What happens now? Where did our Bachelorette go? Host Chris knows and he’s here to save the day in his striped hoodie sweatshirt from the GAP. “Guys, Jillian has got the rose and you need to go find her. Your clues are waiting out front. Go!” Basically, the guys got paired up in two’s, got in a car, and had to follow directions on where to find her. All a big lame scavenger hunt. And even though they are paired in twos, once they finally reach Jillian, she’ll make a determination based on, well nothing, to see who gets to have dinner with her with the other seven guys have a circle jerk.

-I think we’ll all agree, the best part about the scavenger hunt was the duo of Tanner and Michael, or as I like to call them, Heath and Jake. My god, could those two have been any more excited to be paired together? I was half expecting them to forget the scavenger hunt, veer off into the Hollywood Hills together, rent some horses, and make passionate love all night long in a tent. They definitely lost some man points during that car trip. The screaming, Michael peeing on himself due to the excitement. What an odd duo. I can’t believe they were that excited to be in a car together to look for Jillian. I wonder how much studying of Michael’s feet that Tanner did. Did they not show us the foot massage he gave him? Did he give Michael a pedicure? What’s their relationship status now? Has anyone checked their Facebook pages? Maybe they’ve formed a bond far beyond what this show let us believe and they are currently feeding each other chocolate covered strawberries curled up on the couch in the spooning position. I hope they both get eliminated on the same night because one of them will be pissed the other isn’t around.

-Jillian is already at her destination waiting to see which two guys show up first to meet her. She is giddy with excitement. “I can’t believe eight guys are frantically racing around Los Angeles looking for me.” Ummmm, Jillian, it’s because that’s what they were told to do. Once again, yet another “Bachelor/ette” who thinks that because ABC plans the dates in advance and tells them where they’ll be going and what they’ll be doing, that they fall into this sense of entitlement. Let me tell ya’ something Canuck, if you weren’t on a show where the whole object is for guys to compete for your affection, then you wouldn’t be in LA right now on a group date where guys are on a scavenger hunt to find you. I’m pretty sure of that. I mean, you’re a nice girl and all. And you’re cute in your own little quirky way, but I’m immensely bored with what you have to offer right now, and if half these guys weren’t recruited to be on this show or using it to further their career, they wouldn’t even be there. But I like how you’re already sucked in to the whole thing and think 30 guys REALLY want you. Cool. You keep thinkin’ that. Keeps me laughing.

-So the dynamic duo of Wes and Brad are the ones who arrive to meet Jillian first and I’m really scratching my head to see who she’ll decide to have dinner with. Such a tough pick. Shocker, she goes with Wes. And basically doesn’t even give Brad a reason why. Brad, here’s the reason: The producers told her to. Get used to it. Wes is the country music singer on the show to promote his album, and his hair constantly looks like he just got out of bed. Jillian sees Wes as kinda the bad boy, something she admits to usually being attracted to. So her question is, “Am I his type?” Probably not. But hey, if he peddles a few extra CD sales out of it, you can be his type for the time being. Wes admits to having three serious girlfriends his whole life and is definitely a relationship guy. Jillian questions that since his lifestyle is basically set up to where he has a bunch of women fawning all over him being a musician and all. Of course, Wes says “No, no, no, that’s not me at all.” Then again, would he actually admit to groupie sex? I highly doubt it. Wes is the front runner right now as he gets the first kiss with Jillian. She doesn’t hide the fact she’s attracted to him and he doesn’t hide the fact that he wants to finish that song he started last week for her. Because, you know, maybe some radio executives are watching and want to sign him to their label.

-The lucky chap for the 1-on-1 date is Jake, the pilot from Denton, Texas. Jillian comes over in a black dress wearing the wings that Jake gave her the first night. She also has on red f-me boots. So her and Jake are headed to the “House of Blues” for the night. But first, he must dress the part for the evening, which means, he must now become a total redneck. Being from Denton, that won’t be much of a problem for him. But instead of dressing like every other guy in the house would, he needs to try on a cowboy shirt with embroidery in it, wear some tight Wranglers, and look the part. Jillian of course enjoys every minute of watching him go in and out of the dressing room, and I’m not convinced isn’t secretly having him dress this way for that reason. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m sure Jake is loving every second of this too, but she seems to really be taking a liking to this. Silly kids. Why doesn’t she just chase him around the schoolyard then tell him she doesn’t like him?

-Once they get to “House of Blues”, we find out that Jake apparently has never watched this show before. Why? Because he was “shocked that we had the entire venue to ourselves. I thought there’d be a line with like 800 people for us to get in.” Don’t they give these guys a refresher course of what they’re getting into before coming on this show? Maybe give them some past DVD’s to freshen up on what their experience will be like once they agree to sign their life over to ABC? Really Jake? You’re really surprised that the whole place is rented out for you when they’ve basically done this, oh I don’t know, for about the last 16 seasons? You see, that’s what they do on this show, Jake. They put you in complete unrealistic dates that would never happen in real life, then when both people get so caught up in the fantasy land they’re in and try to convince themselves they’re actually falling for each other when in reality they’re falling for the experience, they rip the rug out from under you and put you back in the real world and you realize, “Hey, maybe so-and-so isn’t that romantic when the dates aren’t already planned out and paid for?” Oh, this show will getcha’ every time, Jake. Go ahead. Keep gushing over Jillian and how this is the best date you’ve been on. Of course it is. Something tells me your dates in Denton haven’t been where you could rent out a place to yourself and have someone perform solo for you.

-Of course, that’s not stopping these two from convincing themselves that each of them are the one for each other. Especially Jillian. “There’s definitely a spark here, which could turn into a flame, which could turn into love, and that could turn into marriage.” Yikes. Jillian is really putting the cart before the horse here. If that wasn’t bad enough, check out what she has next in store for us. “I know exactly that Jake could take care of me, and that’s what I’m looking for.” Hmmmmm, you’ve spent a whole couple hours with this guy so far and you already know that this is someone you could be with the rest of your life? Uh huh. This is gonna work out well. At least hold off on saying stuff like that until, you know, like a hometown date or something. You have no idea what this guys life is like. You may not even like Denton. Or who knows? Maybe he’s got a girlfriend back home and you realize this just in time for the hometown dates and he never gets one? Crazier things have happened on this show.

-So these two sit down to have dinner and start talking about the future. Jake tells asks her the really important stuff like, “What do you want out of all this?” Jillian responds, “To find my best friend.” To which Jake said, “I was hoping she’d say that. That’s exactly what I’m looking for.” Well aren’t you two a couple of peas in a pod? Why don’t we just cancel the show at this point and start the engagement party? They are giving these two an awful lot of lovey dovey camera time for us not to see something going horribly wrong in their future. Jake the pilot even puts in her head that, if she so happened to pick him, imagine having a date where he sends for a car to pick her up at work on Friday, bring her to the airport, and he takes her away for the weekend to another country. Wow. Pretty ambitious. And I’m guessing will never happen either. Promises, promises. Just admit it, Jake. You’re playing it up for the cameras now. Your dates will consist of dinner at the Black Eyed Pea, then to some dive bar in Denton to check out the local band playing that night. Of course, Jillian thinks that’s the most amazing date yet, and since they’re both such spontaneous people, that would totally fit her lifestyle. Hmmmmm, this isn’t going to end well for Jake.

-And oh yeah, Martina McBride performed live for both of them. They danced, they kissed, they danced some more, they laughed, they flirted, and they kissed. Pretty much how every 1-on-1 date that’s been at a concert rented out for the two contestants has gone. Jake shows us again his lack of “Bachelorette” knowledge when he realizes the concert is just being performed for the two of them. You know, for a pilot, he sure is a dumbass. I hope he’s not flying me out of DFW Thursday morning. If he is, I’m sure I’ll be all up in the cockpit asking him questions about Jillian and why it didn’t work out. You know what’s funny? Back in the day when I was a kid and the “Airplane” movies were a couple of my all time favorites, I actually thought the cockpit of an airplane was actually that big. A lot of room to maneuver, you could stand up and walk around, and that even someone like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar could be the co-pilot. That was all shot to hell the first time I flew and actually saw the inside of a cockpit. Holy crap. Ever looked in there? How the hell do they even breathe, let alone stand up in there? Seems awfully cramped space to be in for my 3 hour flight to California. I feel bad for Mr. Pilot. Is there really such thing as an auto pilot? How the hell does a pilot know where he’s going when he’s in the air and there aren’t any off ramps? What even makes a plane fly? I could go on for hours questioning air travel. I’ve always been fascinated by it.

-The next group date was one of my all-time favorites. Seven guys (Jesse, Mark, David, Mike, Simon, Kiptyn, and Juan) will be headed to Venice Beach to play some basketball with Jillian. It’s always interesting to see which guys actually have an athletic bone in their body and which ones end up being complete tards the minute the game starts. Immediately, Juan makes the first impression on me. Not because of his basketball skills or anything. But because he decided to wear his dove shorts to play in. What the hell was that? Your basketball shorts shouldn’t be 12 inches above your knee buddy. David was the guy who thought he was an All-American and you could tell was showing off. I’m not sure how much game he had, but he did look better than the rest of the clowns out there. Although, that’s like winning first place in the best looking pig contest. Of course, Jillian can’t play a lick so the guys all try and help her out. One of the guys is even dumb enough to yell out, “Double team her!” Whoa. That’s not til later in the season, buddy. You really think you should be looking to get a threesome before the second rose ceremony? That’s a bit of wishful thinking, no?

-So after all that dilly dallying around, Jillian says its time for them to play a real game. She’ll be right back, she’s gotta go get her team. She walks off and comes back with five black guys. My first thought? “Who says this show isn’t racially diverse?” There you go. Five large, hulking black men all vying for Jillian’s attention. Woops. No, they didn’t add yet another 5 guys to the show. It’s the Harlem Globetrotters! Fantastic! Now this will get interesting since nothing gets the party started more than a bunch of guys doing tricks with the basketball. How about the ol’ bucket of confetti trick? Hilarious. Knee slappers I tell ya’. If you’re over the age of five, and you find the Harlem Globetrotters entertaining, then you’ve got a problem. But after thinking this over, it all made perfect sense. I asked myself why in the world ABC would decide to put these guys on the show, until it finally hit me. The Harlem Globetrotters games are all fixed and scripted, just like this show. See, I knew there was a good reason for their appearance. Never thought they’d have so much in common.

-So once the Globetrotters showed up, David definitely had to show off even more and bring his “A” game. Of course, that consisted of him airballing his first shot by about five feet. Nice one. Our first hilarious laugh from the Globetrotters? Pick Jillian up to have her dunk then leave her up on the rim until Juan comes underneath her, mini-shorts and all, and helps her down. Awwwww, how cute. Too bad it’s the only girl-on-girl action we’ll get all season. If that didn’t endear Juan to other guys in the house, his act later certainly will. Time to head down to the beach to take a look at the sunset. One of the guys we’ve barely heard from this season, Mike, decides he needs to make himself stand out. And by that I mean, the producers told him, “Hey, do something to make yourself stand out.” And Mike, figuring there may be a final four spot waiting in the wings for him if he agrees, decides to bum a speedo off some guy at the beach, and run into the water. Jillian is totally impressed by this. She apparently thinks this is the funniest thing anyone has ever done. So Mike sporting a banana hammock and running into the ocean pretty much endears himself to Jillian. She now knows exactly who Mike is and wants to know a little bit more about him and his speedo. Or what’s underneath it.

-All the guys get dressed up and head to the Viceroy hotel for drinks and alone time with Jillian. To start off the night, everyone takes a shot. Well, except for Juan. David notices Juan had poured out his shot, then used his hand to cover up the glass while taking it to pretend to fit in with the rest of these guys. That didn’t sit too well with David, especially when right afterwards, Jillian pulled Juan aside for some alone time. David is roid raging right now. David: “There’s no reason we shouldn’t tie him up to a tree and beat the f**k out of him.” Wow. Really? Granted, what he did was a pretty chick thing to do, but now you want to pummel the guy? David is a very angry individual. Remember last week when they said in the upcoming previews for the season that something happens this season which has never happened before? I know what it is. David kills another person. And it’s probably Juan. Whatever the case, while he’s still alive, Juan gets some 1-on-1 time with Jillian so he can tell her how green her eyes looked earlier when the sun was setting. Wow. He’s really laying it on thick now. Maybe David’s right. Someone should beat the f**k out of this chick. Whatever the case, Jillian likes him enough to kiss him.

-Next, Jillian pulls Kiptyn aside for some alone time. He procees to tell her he’s never had his heartbroken in his life. He’s always been the heartbreaker. Like Jillian cares. The only reason she pulled him aside was so that she could kiss him. I got your heartbreaker right here. Gimmie those lips you manly man, you. For the record, we’ve seen Jillian alone with four guys now (Wes, Jake, Juan, and Kiptyn), and she’s made out with all of them. Granted, I’m sure she’s had alone time with other guys as well that we weren’t shown, but from what they’ve decided to show us, she’s 4-for-4 in presenting her tongue to another guys mouth. Jillian: “I hope you stick around for a while.” Huh? Isn’t that your decision? I didn’t realize he was the one who presenting roses. Jillian is apparently confused about this whole process now. No, you see Jillian, you’re the one who decides if Kiptyn sticks around for a while. Well, you and the producers.

-At the end of their long day, Jillian decides that Mike will get the rose and be safe at the rose ceremony. This pleases David for the sole reason that the guy he has a hard-on for, Juan, didn’t get the rose. And Mike got it because, well, he did nothing other than jump into the ocean in a speedo. That Jillian seems pretty damn easy to please. According to her, when Mike jumped into the ocean in the banana hammock, “That was wicked.” Whatever you say, Jill. Wicked? Haven’t said that since 8th grade. Must be a Canadian thing, eh? Just waiting for the moment she calls someone a hoser. Then that’ll put the finishing touches on our worst “Bachelorette” season yet. So far, her and Meredith are in a dead heat to finish first in that category.

-Time for the final cocktail hour where desperation runs wild, and David begins stalking his prey, the chick that is Juanita. First up, Tanner needs to tell us more about his foot fetish. He shares some alone time with one of the other dudes, and gets Jillians feet all to himself. I wonder if they paid him extra to do this? So of course he tells her how great her feet are and she asks which guy in the house has the worst. “Sasha. They’re hairy.” Outstanding. What about your lover Michael’s feet? Whose are better? I bet if pressed for an answer on that one, Tanner might not be able to be completely honest with her. Things are real for he and Michael right now. Things are getting more serious by the day. He certainly doesn’t need Jillian in the picture to complicate matters. Let’s just hope Jillian puts both of these two out of their misery sooner rather than later. You wouldn’t want to break up such a solid foundation between those two.

-Time for Jesse (who?) to get some alone time. I don’t think I’ve even seen this guy all show, but apparently Jillian has been dying to get to know him. Whatever. I think she’s gotta say that at this point to not make the guy feel bad. Jesse tells her that before coming on the show, he was given an opportunity to go live in Italy for a few months and do some business involving wine. Hell if I know. I wasn’t really paying attention. Anyway, the thing that caught my attention was him telling her he had a choice of either living in Italy, or coming on the “Bachelorette”. And naturally, he chose coming on the “Bachelorette” like any normal, sane individual would. So it’s official, Jesse is an idiot. Did this guy really turn down a business opportunity overseas just because he heard Jillian was the “Bachelorette”? He’s kidding, right? This is just one of those moments where he has little time to impress so he’ll just throw that out there in hopes that she’ll actually believe him? Wow Jesse. Quite a sacrifice you made. Kind of on par with Lauren Conrad deciding to pass up an internship in Paris so she could spend the summer with the racist homophobe Jason Wahler. Except your decision is worse. I’m sure you’ll feel that much better about it too when you don’t even get a hometown date.

-Wes is still making noise in the house because even though he has a rose (oh yeah, forgot to mention he and Jake both received roses on their dates so they’re safe for the night. Shocker), he still wants some alone time, and some of the guys aren’t too happy about it. Hey, isn’t that what Jeremy did with DeAnna which in turn made Ron call him classless? Can’t remember. Whatever the case, I guess Wes is this seasons Jeremy. Which is ironic considering Wes and Jeremy grew up together. One of the guys whose game Wes is stepping on is Robby the bartender. He’s mixing up one of his classic “Rozmos” to bring to Jillian. And just as he’s about to spill his guts to her, Wes walks in and steals her away for some alone time. You don’t do that to the Robster. He is none too happy with Wes right now. This means war for Robby. Immediately he starts in with the “Wes isn’t here for the right reasons” complaint. Something tells me this will be a recurring theme throughout the season. Bed Head Wes will have to do an awful lot of convincing that he’s not there to pass out free CD’s and get some serious camera time.

-Host Chris comes out to tell us that, no, it’s not time for Jillian to make her decision, but that all the guys will be voting on which guy they’d like to see go home. David’s eyes bug out of his head even more than they already do. I’m surprised he even wrote down who he wanted to leave. I figured he’d just scream it at the top of his lungs. The funniest part about Host Chris announcing this to the guys? While he’s doing it, there’s a shot of Tanner and Michael on the couch and Tanner has his arm around him. You think our next “Bachelor” wedding will be Jason and Molly? Try again. It’s these two. Jillians quest for love is becoming less and less interesting and is completely taking a backseat to the bromance going on between Tanner and Michael. I really hope these two make it. In fact, I hope you don’t mind me covering their relationship the rest of the season. Or at least until they’re eliminated.

-So all the guys vote, and Host Chris informs us that Juan has received the most votes. Of course, Host Chris needs to show us how fluent he is in Spanish by pronouncing it “Who-ahn”. Thank you, Chris. Thank you for bringing me back to sophomore year high school Spanish class. How many stories in high school Spanish revolved around a kid named Juan? All of them? I didn’t even know there was another Spanish name until I graduated. Juan liked the library. Juan has two sisters. Juan goes to the airport. Juan sure played a key role in my high school Spanish knowledge. All of which I’ve forgotten now. So with Who-ahn getting the most votes, Jillian has the option to save him, or let him leave the mansion now in shame. So to piss David off and ensure there will be a murder this season on “Bachelorette”, Jillian decides to use her judges save on Matt Giraud, AKA Juan. To this, David dropped a few f-bombs to the camera. David seems like a real stable guy who keeps his emotions in check. I see big things in his future. Like a 300 lb cell mate.

-I must obviously talk about Brian the d-bag who decided that he needed to do SOMETHING to grab Jillians attention. So he decided to strip for her, to complete nudity, then jump in the pool. I don’t know what says, “Hey, look at me and my small dingus” more than that, but Brian accomplished it. The one dude from DeAnna’s season, Paul, did that on the first night but at least he went with the speedo. Really? Stripping down completely naked in front of someone you’ve known for three days is supposed to impress her? Something tells me after Brian returns home to the world on internet dating, his profile pic is of him shirtless. And he’s probably one of the weirdos that sends pictures of his junk after a chick responds to him. Brian, just be thankful that “To Catch a Predator” has been taken off the air. Something tells me you would’ve made quite a showing for yourself on that someday.

-Rose ceremony time. Jillian has lots to say. “I had an incredible week. These were amazing dates. Glad you all opened up. I’m incredibly lucky. You’re incredibly good looking. I’m the one Bachelorette who’s been blessed with the best bunch of smart, charismatic guys. And just because I haven’t said this word enough, you’re all incredibly incredible. Kudos to the casting department for recruiting all of you.”

-Wes, Jake, Mike, and Juanita are safe from earlier. The others getting roses are:

Jesse: Italy awaits you, pal.
David: A trial awaits you.
Ed: In case you haven’t noticed, Ed looks exactly like a cross between Robert Downey Jr and Jeremy Piven.
Sasha: You have ugly feet, my friend. Tanner will always hate you.
Mark: I have no idea who this guy is, which means he’s gotten no camera time, which means he’s going home soon.
Michael: Like he cares he got a rose.
Tanner the foot freak: Now Michael is happy. How cute that Jillian called their names back-to-back.
Kiptyn: The heart breaker is going to be around for a while now.
Reid: We haven’t seen much of him. But we will.
Robby: Apparently that Rozmo worked. He must’ve laced it with GHB.
Tanner F.: Another guy we have barely seen any of.
“Gentleman, Jillian, it’s the final rose tonight. Whenever you’re ready. David is about ready to spear Juanita from across the room, so you better make this quick.”

Brad: So he loses out on the solo date to Wes, but somehow managed to get a rose out of it.

-So Julien, Mathue, Simon, and Brian didn’t get roses. We didn’t know much about any of them, so it wasn’t really sad to see them go. Well, except Brian, who blamed the weather on the fact that he was “hung like a lightswitch, so that probably didn’t help matters.” Thank you Brian for that visual. Now go comb the high schools for your next victim you creep. I would hope that Mathue would use this experience to see that his name is spelled incorrectly and he needs to fix it. As for Simon, he was the Agnese of this season. The European contestant who completely didn’t fit in. Except Agnese got to the final four, and Simon is going home in Week 2. That’s ok. Gives him more time to hang out in pubs, sing songs, and star fights while watching Liverpool play soccer.

That’s it for this week. I’ll see you Thursday for your next “Reality Roundup”. All your feedback is welcome either in the comments section or email me at steve@realitysteve.com. Don’t forget to join me on Twitter at “RealitySteve” (check out yesterday’s brilliance on the Spelling Bee), you can join the “I Love Reality Steve” Facebook group, or, you can just add me as a friend on Facebook. You can do it all by scrolling down the right hand column. See you Thursday.

Administrator The Bachelorette 5 - Jillian

Three finales to cover as they all wrapped up in the last week. “Idol” put one of their best, if not the best, finale they’ve ever done, so most of the column will be spent on that. Melissa comes up short, yet again, on a reality show in the “DWTS” finale, plus, JT surprisingly blows out Stephen in the final tribal council on “Survivor”. Only the 2nd time in history the vote has ever been 7-0 in the finals, and I guarantee off the top of your head, you don’t remember the other one. Obviously you could google it and find the answer in five seconds, but even when I heard it, I had completely forgotten about this winner. Probably the most non-descript winner in this shows history. Right now, I couldn’t even tell you what country they were in for that winners season. I’ll have the answer later. But let’s get started with “Idols” two-night finale, since I have the most to say about that one.

“American Idol” Finale

-In case you missed it, I essentially “tweeted” during the “Idol” finale from beginning to end. If you missed it, just check down the right hand column in my Twitter box to see everything I wrote. Some stuff I will cover in more detail here since I’ve got more than 140 characters to use, and some stuff I won’t cover at all. Didn’t think I would, but so many things started happening, I figured “Why not?” I have to say, that was probably the best finale that “Idol” has ever produced. Still didn’t have the best “Idol” finale moment, but for all two hours, it was the best they’ve done. And they’ve done some good ones. Season 5 was the only other finale that really came close to this one due to three factors:

-The surprise appearance by Prince
-The surprise appearance by Clay Aiken
-David Hasselhoff crying
-If you want to throw in a 4th, you can include Meatloaf and Katharine McPhee’s creepy duet.

-Going back to Tuesday’s performance show, I thought it was pretty even. Kris outperformed Adam on the first song. Adam outperformed him on the second song. And I’d say they were both pretty equal on the new single, “No Boundaries”, which is taking a beating by everyone for being horrible. I’m definitely in the minority on this, but I don’t think it’s as bad as people are making it out to be. First off, it’s a really difficult song to sing because there’s so many lyrics. So I think that part of the song wasn’t good. But other than that, I guess my question is, “What did you expect? Have you watched this show for the previous seven seasons? What’d you think the final song was going to be about?” That’s pretty much exactly the kind of song I figured they’d be singing. Need I remind you the titles of the seven previous finale songs:

Season 1: “A Moment Like This”
Season 2: “Flying Without Wings”
Season 3: “I Believe”
Season 4: “Inside Your Heaven”
Season 5: “My Destiny” (Katharine) & “Do I Make You Proud” (Taylor)
Season 6: “This is My Now”
Season 7: “The Time of My Life”

Notice a pattern here? And if you remember the lyrics to any of these songs, they pretty much all contained the same words and phrases: “destiny”, “mountains”, “impossible”, “dreams”, “stronger”, “believe”, “won’t give up”, “hope”, “faith”, “show you that you can”, “make it through”, “finally come true” etc. You get the point. Basically, all lyrics that I’m sure Danny Gokey will be including on his first album. “No Boundaries” was no different than anything else they’ve done for seven seasons, other than it was much more wordy than past songs. It was almost like there wasn’t a point in the song where Adam or Kris could catch their breath. Also, if you’ve heard the studio version that Kris did, it’s not nearly as bad as the live performance was. Is it a great song? No. Is it terrible? I don’t think so. I guess I’ve just come to expect these types of songs for the first single.

-As for Wednesday’s show, there’s a whole slew of things to talk about. Right off the bat, the group performance. Another cheesy one where I can’t reiterate enough how awkward it is seeing Scott McIntyre perform in these. Yes, I know he’s blind. Which is the reason he shouldn’t be put on stage in a dance number with 12 other people who have perfect vision. I’m sure Scott’s saying that if you single him out and have him doing something different, you’re playing up his handicap. Not if it makes the performance stand out. Let me ask you something, when the group is performing, are you really looking to see how Megan Joy is doing? Are you checking to see if Michael Sarver is on cue? No. You’re looking at Scott. You know it and I know it. There’d have been absolutely nothing wrong with having Scott at the piano for every group performance. And don’t even get me started with Scott singing the lyrics, “If you want body, and you think I’m sexy, come on baby let me know” before Rod Stewart came out. Uh huh. Believable.

-I think a lot of you will be surprised by this, but I honestly got a kick out of Norman Gentle all season. Hey, I’m the first guy to call out stupid schtick when I see it, but I seriously think that guy’s got something. Whether its in a play as the goofy best friend, or a sidekick on some comedy sitcom with a laugh track, I think Norman Gentle is funny. There. I said it. And it feels bizarre for me to admit it. Typically I would think stuff like that is hokey and completely unoriginal. But I’m serious, he’s got something. I don’t know what, but I know I was entertained every time I saw him this season. Now, when he won the award and came on stage in sweats saying he had no idea he’d win, I knew that was B.S. because you could see the sparkly Norman Gentle shirt underneath. And considering Paula showed up to Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s shows after falling asleep at the tanning bed, and Simon decided to have every button down to his naval unbuttoned on his suit, you really didn’t believe someone would actually wear sweats to that event, did you?

-A couple of the Idols performing with the artists were interesting. Lil Rounds and Queen Latifah? Hmmmm, that was just a whole lot of ass up on the stage at that point. It was like a double feature could’ve been shown at the same time if their backs faced the audience. I didn’t really get the Alexis Grace and Anoop with Jason Mraz thing, did you? I don’t think either of their tone is anything like Mraz. Obviously, Kris has been compared to Mraz all season so I don’t know why he did his with Keith Urban. It wasn’t half as bad as I thought it’d be, but since Kris will never put out a country song or album, what was the point? Everyone got what they wanted when Adam sang with Queen. It was a mistake not to have Kris sing with Jason Mraz. Teenage girls across America would’ve developed into women instantaneously if they saw that.

-In terms of the performers they got to show up, season 7 definitely takes the cake over all past finales. Season 5 was the only close one. But to get Jason Mraz, KISS, Rod Stewart, Queen Latifah, Cyndi Lauper, Queen, the Black Eyed Peas, David Cook, Carrie Underwood, and Steve Martin of all people, you can’t beat that. Gotta be impressed with that lineup. A thoroughly enjoyable show for all two hours. The awards are funny because it allows for a little comic relief. Although the Tatiana Del Toro thing was fixed obviously. So staged that it lost its humor. I’m guessing a few bouncers would’ve been able to drag that chick off the stage in two seconds if they wanted to. Actually, because the show was full of surprises last night, and Tatiana was known for singing “Saving All My Love For You”, I thought once she started singing, they were gonna bring Whitney’s cracked out corpse up there so we could all watch Tatiana have a meltdown. You think Bikini Skank was surprised to see Kara? What do you think Tatiana would’ve done if she turned around and saw Whitney? She might’ve died on stage.

-Ok, let’s get to it. By far the highlight of the night, and that was Kara completely upstaging a PISSED OFF Bikini Skank with her new jugs. If that didn’t earn Kara a contract for season 9, I don’t know what will. In my eyes, completely redeemed herself for all the “Sweeties” and “Here’s the thing” she gave us all season long. And remember, I’m the guy who’s been in the minority all season on her since I’ve liked her from the beginning. As I said before, if Kara would’ve been the 3rd judge with Randy and Simon since season 1, and Paula just joined us this season, it’d be the complete opposite. You know it, and I know it. Anyway, just as I’m about to post the YouTube video of the whole Bikini Whore/Kara feud, YouTube decides to take down all the videos saying its property of 20th Century Fox Film Corporation. I hate when they do that. So, here’s what I was going to write about the video:

-At the 1:59 mark, I love it when Idol producers turned down Bikini Playmate’s mic, and turned Kara’s up so she’d drown her out. Classic.

-At the 2:17 mark, when Kara hits her high note in the song, Bikini Dumpster tries to match it and basically had all dogs in the Los Angeles area howling. That was awful.

-At the 2:36 mark, after the performance is over and they walk over to Seacrest, Bikini Hooker gives the most insincere kiss and hug to Kara you’ll ever see. Kinda like, “I can’t believe you just did that to me and now are acting all nice.” When in reality, Bikini Prostitute should be thanking Fox and “Idol” every second of the day that anyone even knows who the hell she is.

-And finally, right at the 3:00 mark, Bikini Tramp basically sizes up Kara’s body then rolls her eyes like she’s too good for this show. God, she’s annoying. And nice boob job. Why was your left breast facing in a completely different direction than your right one? Enjoy your career in porn.

And Kara, if you want to just judge all next season in a bikini, I would gladly accept that. It would offset Paula’s public intoxication every week. My only problem with Kara? She kinda walks like a dude.

-Once again, a lot of people emailed me after the finale and asked the proverbial, “Are you shocked at what happened?” My answer: no. If you look at one of my tweets from earlier in the day, I did mention that since Shawn’s fan base rallied for her on Monday night, I wonder if Kris’ would do the same. People are shocked because all season we’ve been led to believe Adam was the favorite because that’s what the judges were telling us. But the minute Kris was able to take down Gokey and his fan base last week, I knew it wasn’t impossible to take down Adam’s. In fact, here were my exact words back on March 10th, my first column on this season of “Idol”:

“I wouldn’t mind seeing a guy like him succeed. This show has always been about giving someone a chance, and for a guy in his late 20’s who seemingly has paid his dues, it’s nice to see him perform. I know he’s a good singer, I know he’ll do well, but the “freak” factor will ultimately prevent him from winning the thing. Do I think he’ll get a record deal? Absolutely. But let’s remember who a majority of the people who vote on this show are: middle aged white people, probably leaning on the conservative side. As sad as it sounds, his look is basically what’ll cost him the title. If he wins, I’ll be the first to congratulate him. I wouldn’t have a problem with him winning whatsoever. I just don’t think he will. But I could see him in the final two or three. He is starting to grow on me.”

-So to answer the question, “Did Adam Lambert not win ‘American Idol’ because he’s gay? No. Did him being gay play a role? I’m sure it did. I can’t prove it since I don’t have access to the emails and phone numbers of everyone who voted. But then again, those people screaming that America sucks because they didn’t vote for a gay guy to win “American Idol”, they can’t prove that’s why he didn’t get their votes either. So why don’t we all just shut up about this ridiculous debate. Oh, and anyone still questions whether Adam is gay or not, did you hear what his answer was yesterday when asked who he’d love to perform duets with? “Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, and Madonna, who continues to be the next big thing.” Well, that and the fact that his boyfriend was sitting with his family the last few weeks.

-I still don’t understand people out there saying “Idol” didn’t want a gay person to win, or, people who are so bothered that Adam didn’t win. Really? Let me ask you a question: Who the f*** cares? Does the fact that Kris Allen won mean you weren’t productive at work yesterday? If your answer was “yes” to that question, you’re living in a world that I’m afraid I can’t help you with. That’s embarrassing if it did. I thought Danny would win this season. He didn’t. I haven’t thought for two seconds about it since he got eliminated. And neither should you. Adam and Kris are both going to put out albums, I guarantee Adam will be back on the show next season performing, and Adam will still have a great career in theater and on Broadway. But Good Lord, so he doesn’t carry around the title of “American Idol” champion, who the hell cares? Certainly not me. And I certainly don’t care that Kris IS the champion. I think they’re both good performers, and once you get to the final four or five, pretty much everyone wins.

-I also just wanted to point out that the two times there’s been someone from the LA/Hollywood area who made it to the finals (Katharine and Adam), they both lost to people from small Southern towns (Taylor and Kris). I think there’s something to be said for that. People love the small town country boys who are the underdogs. America loves the underdog. I’m just sayin’. And Adam’s hometown may have been San Diego, but he lives in LA and has for a while now.

-You know another debate I can do without? “Did the better singer win?” Huh? What kind of question is that to ask? If everyone has different tastes in music and voices, how can there be a right or wrong answer to that question? There isn’t. Adam fans will answer “no” and Kris fans will answer “yes”. It’s pretty simple. Adam and Kris couldn’t be more different vocally if they tried. Adam can go high and low, scream like Axl Rose, and has great control of his voice. Kris has a much softer, melodic voice that is much more soothing on the ears in pretty much every song. Did the better singer win? Based on what? If the contest was about finding the next front man for Queen, then no, the better singer didn’t win. If it was finding the next Jason Mraz clone, then yes. Such a stupid question to ask, I don’t even see the point. Once again, the voice of reason in this debate seems to be Kara. She was on Seacrests radio show this morning and here’s how she answered the “Did the right person win” question: “For me, this was a very interesting year, because you had such different artists. You had the soft side of rock and the hard side of rock, and it really wasn’t about winning, it’s about, what’s your preference?” Exactly. If you prefer flamboyancy and screaming, then no, the right person didn’t win. If you prefer softer rock, then yes, the right person won. You’re the best, Kara. Anytime you want to wear a bikini again, be my guest you MILF. Even though you have no kids.

-A final thought on the season in general. Probably the best final three we’ve ever had. I still think Adam will have a better theater and acting career than he will a recording career. He’s going to be a Broadway star. I think Danny will put out a decent album and will be asked back next season to perform. And I will admit, that towards the end, Kris started to grow on me. I underestimated him. Does he have a powerful voice? Not at all. But it’s definitely a listenable voice. And I could see myself buying some of his stuff in the future if he gets with the right producers and songwriters. He’s talented and I never denied that. It’s just for whatever reason, I wasn’t into him in during the early and middle weeks. But he’s got a good story, he’s a likable guy, and I do like his music. So I have no problem with him winning, nor would I have had a problem with Adam winning either. Or Danny. Kris is our “American Idol” for 2009. Everyone can calm down now. It’ll be ok.

-I need to discuss one of the biggest, if not THE biggest, epidemic facing our country right now. It’s going on all over America, a lot of people have been affected by it, and it’s time that I bring it to everyone’s attention. In case you’ve been living under a rock recently, you know exactly what I’m talking about. And that is people in the Eastern and Central time zones who tweet, or update their Facebook status, on a show that they’re watching and ruin it for people who haven’t seen it yet. That might be my biggest pet peeve going right now. Yes, I twittered during the “Idol” finale, but I never gave away the winner, and most of my tweets were humorous more than factual updates on what was happening. You know why it’s my biggest pet peeve? Because I know a lot of those people don’t actually think they’re ruining it. What may seem like a simple concept I think gets lost on certain people living in the Eastern and Central time zones. You people do realize that by the time the “Idol” finale, or the “Grey’s” finale, or the “Survivor” finale is over, it hasn’t even started airing on the West Coast yet? You do realize this don’t you? I don’t think some of you do. Yes, I’m in Texas. I’m in the Central time zone, so I’m seeing everything first, but it doesn’t mean I can’t be watching out for my West Coast peeps. Please, if you watch something before everyone else, don’t ruin it on your Twitter account or Facebook status for other people. It’s annoying. The next time I see “Noooooo!!!! I can’t believe Kris won!” as someone’s facebook status when its still 7:00 on the West Coast, I think I’ll send them a virus. That’s my Public Service Announcement for today.

“Dancing With the Stars” Finale

-When Melissa was eliminated first and finished, I thought for sure Gilles would win. Shows you what I know. Here’s my problem, and always has been, with the “DWTS” finale. I’m fine with Shawn winning, that doesn’t bother me at all. It’s just that lets not pretend the scores you get in the finale have any bearing whatsoever on anything. I mean, has anyone ever gotten below a 9 on the finale? Ever? The scores on Monday night were 58, 57, 56. And on the one dance they were judged on Tuesday, all three of them got 30’s. So basically 2 pts separated 1st from 3rd place which essentially means, with the convoluted way they figure out scoring on this show, there was such a small percentage difference in the judges scores, that it all came down to the audience vote. Like it does every season. NO ONE gets worse than three 9’s on the final performances unless you trip and fall over yourself the whole dance. So the judges scores in the end really don’t matter much. They only do earlier in the season when 10-15 pts can separate the top from the bottom.

-Julianne Hough is taking next season off so she can tour, and they’re going to replace her with the blonde chick who won the fans voting. I can deal with that trade off. I’m fine with that. And by all accounts, Julianne says she’ll be returning in the Spring 2010 edition. So good news for all of us. How about when she comes back, assuming you keep the blonde foreign chick as well, lets give Cheryl some time off. Like, til the end of time. I’m sick of her whining and berating her dance partners in the pre-dance video packages. Plus, doesn’t she have another dance studio to open up, or some new young guy to date? Or watch a dual between Drew and Emmitt to see who gets to have her permanently?

-I wasn’t impressed in the least bit with Gilles or Melissa’s freestyle. If Shawn won because of her freestyle performance, then they made the right call. Gilles had about 5 better dances all season than his freestyle. Didn’t seem like there was anything difficult about it whatsoever, and it even got slow at some points. Melissa’s was just corny. They did a bunch of 80’s dances which, once again, didn’t seem difficult at all. Shawn and Mark’s freestyle was non-stop action for the whole time they were on the dance floor. Level of difficulty was through the roof, and I was amazed they kept up their pace for that long. One of the better freestyles we’ve ever seen on that show. Seriously, Gilles and Melissa should’ve gotten 8’s across the board if Shawn and Mark got 10’s. Theirs was that much better without a doubt.

“Survivor” Finale

-So who was the only other “Survivor” winner to win the final Tribal Council vote 7-0? Give up? I sure did. It was Earl Cole. I think that was “Survivor: China”. Too lazy to look it up. Pretty amazing in 18 seasons of this show, that only two have pitched a shutout in the finals, and both were within the last 4 seasons. I was pretty surprised JT got all 7. I honestly thought the vote would be 4-3 but hey, once again just like on “Idol”, people like the underdog from the South. JT had charm, did work around camp, played up the “awwww shucks” attitude, and everyone else liked him. Stephen never really came across as a schemer, just more of the nerdy business man type. So I guess I could see where they’d want to see someone like JT win. Let’s face it, who wouldn’t vote for a guy who’s worked on a farm his whole life vs the NY City business man? Seems like a no-brainer. JT needed the money more, so he got it. And America gave him another $100k to boot on top of all that for being their favorite. Quite a night for him. I’m guessing the minute he got home he and the pigs made some sweet lovin’ all night long.

I’m very excited to be launching the RealitySteve.com merchandise store this Tuesday. Assuming we overcome all glitches, my girls come through for me, and PayPal isn’t too difficult for us to figure out, everything should be up and running by Tuesday. We are going to launch with 12 items and a total of 3 different designs. Let’s remember, this will be a work in progress. When fall rolls around, we’ll have other heavier items available, but we decided to just go with basic summer clothing right now, and in the future, I’m sure we’ll come up with more logos and concepts. But for right now, we like what we have and we hope you do too. Plus, it’s going to be cheaper and better quality than anything you’ll find over at you-know-who’s site. You know, the guy who likes drawing penises on peoples faces. Yeah him. Any questions, comments, praises, criticisms, stories, queries, email me at steve@realitysteve.com and I would be more than happy to answer any questions you may have. See you Tuesday.

Administrator American Idol 8, Reality Roundup

Well, well, well. Back at it yet again, less than three months after our last debacle involving the Jason/Melissa/Molly garbage. For those who found my site during all that mess and are expecting me to break some news about how Jillian walked off the set, quit the show, and now Melissa is the “Bachelorette”, I’m sorry to disappoint. I think it’s safe to say what happened last season was a 1-in-a-million ending that ABC laid out for everyone, and they hit it out of the park with their huge finale ratings. Do you honestly expect them to come back this season and do something just as outlandish? I highly doubt it. Hey, if something crazy happens, you’ll know about it here. I just wouldn’t count on it. So to all you newbies, let me re-introduce myself. I am Reality Steve, a mild mannered fully employed heterosexual male who has been doing this for the last 15 editions of this show (11 Bachelors, 4 Bachelorettes). This is something that started out as an email to a few friends that has grown internationally over the years (Hey, I just got my first email from someone in Singapore so I can claim its international now). It is my humorous, sarcastic, slanted view (or just read what it says above my name up top) on this completely unsuccessful show which takes itself much too seriously. Why do I say that? Because in 17 seasons (13 Bachelors, 4 Bachelorettes), they’ve produced 1 marriage. I’d say that’s unsuccessful.

-We have come to expect failure when watching this show season in season out, and that’s why I’m here. To celebrate failure. It’s fun, really. I enjoy the hell out of it. For those looking to me for positive feedback, which guys I think are best suited for Jillian, who I want to see win, you’ve come to the wrong place. I could care less about those things. This column is strictly for entertainment purposes only. Always has been, always will be. So if I say something negative about someone you like (which I can guarantee you I will), don’t take offense. That’s what this column is for. To make fun of the people who willingly sign up to be on this show, do what producers tell them to do, get edited in a way that makes it more enjoyable for the viewers, then listen to them tell us afterwards, “That’s not me. This show is very heavily edited”. Exactly. You knew that going in, so, you can’t complain about it after the fact. Hence the reason it’s tough to ever feel sorry for anyone who appears on this show. They get what they have coming to them the minute they sign their name on the dotted line. Especially when it comes to this column.

-Let’s get started with our “Bachelorette”, Ms. Jillian Harris. Or as I like to call her, “ABC’s 3rd choice.” Hey, at least Jillian has a sense of humor about it. Here’s what she had to say in a conference call last week regarding being ABC’s 3rd choice behind Molly and Melissa.

“I was a third choice on last season. I know what that feels like. I’m comfortable with that. Obviously there’s going to be other people that are considered for this role. So no, it doesn’t come as a surprise to me that they would have asked Melissa and Molly. They’re both very beautiful, talented, outgoing, personable girls. And just also me being placed third on The Bachelor sort of naturally places either one of them as the natural choice. So I mean no it doesn’t make me feel like I’m third. It makes me feel really happy that they declined.”

To make one thing clear, Molly was supposedly asked, or going to be asked to be the “Bachelorette” once she was dumped by Jason at the final rose ceremony last season. ABC and Mike Fleiss have admitted they like casting people now from previous seasons because they’ve built up a fan base, and the audience will feel more compelled to watch their “journey” from getting dumped, to potentially finding someone else. So once Jason chose Melissa, Molly was someone that naturally would’ve been asked next. Of course, there’s that little thing of whether or not you actually believe Jason was sincere when he chose Melissa, since we reported here first, that that was never the case and last season was all scripted out. Neither here nor there anymore. It’s over. Lets move on. But just to set the record straight, ABC and Fleiss did admit to going after Molly, then after finding out Jason was “changing his mind”, asked Melissa, who wanted no part of the show anymore (DWTS had not approached her yet).

-So Jillian, being our first Canadian “Bachelorette” (or “Bachelor” for that matter), must’ve been shocked to see that of the 30 guys who show up on the first night, not a single one of them was Canadian. Even more proof the guys cast for this show were for Molly or Melissa, and Jillian was a last second replacement. Filming started on Jillians season March 25th or 26th. She was announced as the “Bachelorette”, to the public, on Tues. night March 3rd. Anyone in TV production knows that there’s not a chance ABC cast 30 guys strictly to fit Jillians needs, personality, wants, etc in 22 days. Impossible. These guys are cast months in advance because of the storyline the show wants to create for the season. Essentially, they’re casting for “roles”. The jock, the break dancer, the pilot, the sensitive guy, the crazy foot fetish dude. All that is taken into consideration beforehand, and THEN they cast whoever they want as the “Bachelor/ette”. So if Jillian happens to have a connection with one of these 30, then great. It’s a bonus. But they’re not casting these guys in hopes of finding a one true love for Jillian. They’re casting in hopes of producing a dramatic television show.

-I think one of the funnier moments to come from her conference call last week was when she was asked about her steamy make out session with Jason in the hot tub, and if it ever led to them having sex. Let me applaud whatever reporter asked that question. Awesome. You know why? Because it’s the question I’ve gotten asked more than any other question regarding this show over the years. “Do they have sex on the overnight dates?” Hands down, the most asked question. And I loved how Jillian flipped out when she answered it.

“I think that’s probably the most inappropriate question ever. I’m normally a very open girl. Anyone can assume that if we went into a hot tub and had a steamy make out session, you can assume we quote, unquote, ‘did it.’ Even if I had or hadn’t, I don’t think that’s a question that should be asked. I think being a 30-year-old grown woman, people can look at me and who I am as a person, and they are entitled to their opinion. Let’s say I had slept with Jason, I don’t think that’s anybody’s business.

Translation: We did it. Once again, the minute you sign up to be on this ridiculous show is the minute your personal/private/business life becomes all of our business. So if you didn’t want the question to be asked, don’t agree to go on the show. Or give a viewing audience of over 10 million people a soft core porn video of you and Jason in a hot tub. Sorry, totally appropriate question and I hope she gets asked it again. And I hope she flips out over it again.

-Probably the question I’ve been asked the second most in recent weeks is in regards to where they stand with filming right now. As we speak, Jillian is in Hawaii, where I’m assuming they’re doing the final rose ceremony. At least, that’s where she was last week during her conference call. So with a March 25th/26th start date, and a 6-8 week filming schedule this show sticks to, it makes sense they’re not done filming yet. Even Host Chris talks about it in his blog today that they’re not done filming. So because they’re not done filming doesn’t mean much in the long run, other than Jillian and whoever she chooses won’t have as much time apart as past couples have. And that whoever the F1 is won’t get leaked as early. Normally, filming is done at least a month before the first episode even airs. The fact they decided to go this route tells me one thing: They were definitely trying to strike while the iron was hot after the attention the show got last season. No thanks to me. Still expecting my check in the mail, ABC.

-One last note before getting to last nights events, as mentioned in Fridays “Reality Roundup” column, Jason and Molly were in Turks and Caicos this past weekend with Ty. When I wrote that, I thought it was because they’re so in love and wanted to get away for the weekend. Come to find out, they were there because they were paid to be there as there was a hotel grand opening that other “celebrities” attended. Hey, I don’t blame them for taking a free vacation to Turks and Caicos on someone else’s dime. Who wouldn’t? Just wanted to report why they were really there since I didn’t know on Friday when I wrote it. And this trip pretty much confirms they have nothing to do with showing up in Hawaii to give Jillian advice, which is being speculated. Please. What advice could Jason and Molly possibly give Jillian? How to secretly text, call, and see each other behind someone else’s back? On to last nights show. Stick around til the end where we’ll have a preview of the RealitySteve.com merchandise set to launch next week.

-I loved when they opened the show recapping Jillians “journey” with Jason. They do that every time they cast a former contestant from the show. Gotta show everyone how they were dumped before but turned that positive into a negative, started working out so they could lose weight for when they reappear again. So Jillian gave us the song and dance that they all do. My favorite was revisiting the hot tub scene with Jason where she said “You’re the most remarkable person I’ve ever met.” Ouch. I’m guessing she wants to take that one back right about now. Especially considering odds are she’ll be saying the exact same thing again this season to another guy just six months removed from telling Jason. That’s what I love about this show. It’s so real. Ha ha.

-Then of course we got the obligatory shots of her moping around her hometown, daydreaming that someday, maybe she’ll be lucky enough to be named the “Bachelorette” and find her Prince Charming. Cue Host Chris from last seasons “ATFR 2″ show. “Let’s meet our new Bachelorette, Jillian!” Weeeeeeeee!!!!! Now we get to see her working out in a bikini, driving around fancy cars, doing cartwheels on the beach, making stupid poses for the camera, and of course, channeling her inner Paris Hilton and washing a car in high heels and a short skirt. Outstanding. Why not just lay spread eagle on the car and eat a Carls Jr cheeseburger too? Sorry to say, but that was ridiculously cheesy. Same ol, same ol. No cheesier than watching the “Bachelors” jog shirtless, or having Brad Womack naked in the shower. I love it because there’s nothing whatsoever about Jillian that screams “LA” or “Hollywood”, yet that’s all they had her doing.

-Time for Host Chris to introduce us to a few of the guys who they did video packages on. And why did these guys to decide to come on the show? “Single men across the country were thrilled Jillian was available.” Really? So from March 2nd when she was announced as the “Bachelorette”, til the 25/26th when you started filming, all 30 of these guys just bum rushed the ABC studios with their demo tapes wanting to get on the show? Uh huh. Sure they did. Just a few to recap:

Michael, 25, from New York. He’s a break dance instructor. He showed us all his slick sidewalk moves that would make dude living in the 1980’s jealous. Congrats Michael on your talent. Although, “So You Think You Can Dance?” is a Fox show. I think your demo tape got sent to the wrong studio.

Stephen, 30, also from New York. He says he’s a catch because “I just got out of law school. I’m an attorney-at-law.” Wow. An attorney. Never had one of those on the show. And because you’re an attorney, that makes you a catch? Do you know the reputations that attorneys have? Just checking. I’m glad you think so highly of your personality, charm, sense of humor, and any other distinguished quality that, because you’re an attorney, that makes you a catch.

Wes is from Austin, Texas and likes to play the guitar. He’s a country music singer. Of course, I’m sure they’ll keep that on the down low all season. There’s no reason to believe that Wes Hayden, the aspiring country music star who has his own website at www.weshayden.com, would possibly be coming on the show to further music career. That would just be totally disingenuous and not becoming of this show. Uh huh.

Greg Bilbro is a complete douchenozzle from Arizona who’s a bodybuilding model. The good thing about bodybuilding models is none of them ever have a very high opinion of themselves. Always very grounded, modest, humble individuals. Like Greg for example. “On a scale of one to Bilbro, I’m Bilbro.” Wow. And he refers to himself in the 3rd person. I mean, I’m floored that this guy didn’t make a great first impression on Jillian. Just floored.

Jake is a pilot from San Diego came across as probably one of the nicer, more normal guys on the show. Which immediately means we can eliminate any chance he has of being the final one. “I am an absolute hopeless romantic.” Wrong show, sport. Try winning New York’s heart or maybe one of those bisexual twins VH1’s is peddling out there. Love and romance is the last thing this show is about.

-They bring out Jillian who looks cute in her white dress. Let me say this on Jillians behalf. At least she admits she’s not some knockout with an immensely high opinion of herself unlike certain Bachelorettes we’ve had in the past. Lets face it, she’s a cute girl, nothing more, with a bubbly personality and talks like a Canadian. Doesn’t come across as very diva-like, doesn’t seem to be too high maintenance (although she is a woman), and seems pretty simple. All this could change though over the course of six-to-eight weeks when she’s the focal point of a network television show. We’ll see. So far so good on her not getting too carried away with herself. I just don’t think there’s much of a “wow” factor with her. But hey, maybe that’s what this show needs. People are going to watch regardless of who the “Bachelor/ette” is because most people are watching for the contestants, and the fighting, and the dates, etc. If people were watching for a love story, they’ve would’ve quit watching years ago. And even though they essentially do the same thing every season, and say the same things over and over again, the audience is still there. I don’t know why, but they are.

-So 25 guys arrive in 5 limos and its time for them to complete cheese out with their first impressions. Here the few that made an impression on me based on something they said, or wore, or did, or whatever.

Kiptyn: First one out of the limo. He told Jillian he didn’t know much about her, “but the little bit I did get to know, I was impressed.” I googled you and saw your video in a hot tub with Jason. I like your hiney. I want to be on you.

Bryan: He picked her up and swept her off her feet. Considering she goes about 4 foot nothing, I feard that maybe Jillian was afraid of heights and might start crying. Tiny little girl she is.

Jake: Our resident pilot and hopeless romantic gave her a little pendant, or clip on set of wings. I don’t know. They didn’t really zoom in on it probably because it was lame. I think you can buy those at any airport gift shop for 99 cents.

Dave: Dave was speechless. Literally. Mid sentence the guy completely traded out and didn’t say a word for ten seconds because he didn’t know what to say. Either he’s a complete bumbling idiot who is afraid of women or he’s a genius who knew exactly what he was doing. Judging by events later on in the night, maybe he was smarter than we thought.

Robert: He’s this seasons bartender who makes a special drink for all his VIP people. He wants to make Jillian a drink inside. Sweet. Could be our first arrest in “Bachelorette” history when Robby is led away in cuffs after slipping a mickey in Jillians drink. Congrats Rob.

Sasha: Just on the name alone, I dislike the guy. Guys with that feminine of a name scare me. They’ve always got something up their sleeve. Take the Lakers Sasha Vujacic. As much of a Lakers fan as I am, there isn’t a player on the team more infuriating to watch than him.

Mathue: I get that parents want to be creative when naming their children. Seems like the hip thing to do now. But that’s just an awful spelling of the name “Matthew”. Really Mom and Dad? He’s a country music fan, and so is Jillian. Hey, maybe they both purchase a copy of Wes Hayden’s latest CD “Full Circle”, featuring the new single, “You Still Got Me”.

Simon: Apparently they felt it necessary to cast Matt Grants brother this season. Simon is from Brookshire, England and must be so excited to follow in Matts footsteps. The minute Simon starts calling Jillian his little monkey, we’ll know something is up.

Wes: I’m sure all the women are already in love with this guy, but I can officially tell you this guys attitude, cockiness, and demeanor makes me want to vomit. Good Lord this guy is stuck on himself. Without a doubt is making it far this season, but you can tell will be a guy that is talked about amongst the guys. Probably the #1 reason being that he’s there to further his career, which I’m sure he is.

Kyle: This graphic designer from New York wore tight fitting jeans with a Members Only jacket. Last time I checked, that wasn’t a winning combination.

-Can I point out one very annoying thing that a lot of the guys seemed to be saying? Maybe it was out of nervousness or whatever, but why did a lot of the guys feel the need to tell Jillian, “Well, I’m gonna head inside. I’ll see you when you get in there.” Of course you’re heading inside, there’s nowhere else to go. What are you gonna do, get back in the limo and take it for a cruise around town? No need to tell her you’re gonna head inside considering that’s where EVERYONE who exited the limo before you is now waiting. “See you inside, Jillian.” Really? I thought maybe you’d meet her over in Santa Monica later tonight for dinner. Come up with a new line guys. Pretty embarrassing.

-Inside is where the party begins. And where all the guys said they’d meet Jillian. One of the first guys to pull Jillian aside was Jesse. He and his family are in the wine business, or as he likes to call wine, “love juice”. Eeeesh. Never heard it called that before. I’ve heard “love juice” in reference to something else, and it certainly had nothing to do with wine. But hey Jesse, if that’s what you and your family consider a good time, then have at it. Love juice it is. Just make sure you wipe it off when you spill. Jesse also wanted to stand out so he decided to wear a t-shirt under his suit that said, “Aspiring Canadian”. Somewhat creative although entirely untrue. I can’t imagine there’s actually a single American living in the United States that would actually say, “You know what? I don’t like the freedom of the US. I think I’ll move to a much colder climate, start using the metric system, and hunt moose for a living. Life just sucks here in the states.” Jesse, you’re a traitor. All in the name of trying to win over some tail. Shame on you.

-Juan is an interesting cat. He’s a general contractor who works with his mother in Santa Monica. Born in Argentina, he moved here at an early age and seems to be running a successful business. I also noticed his eyes, nose, and mouth only covered about 1/10th of his whole face. So I guess that’s strike one against him for me. Strike two? The fact that he used the phrase, “I work hard and play hard.” Oh god. Is he trying to impress Jillian or filling out his Match.com profile? Work hard and play hard? Really? Couldn’t come up with something more original than that? I was honestly thinking of lighting the next person I heard say that on fire. But since I don’t know Juan, and my 55″ flatscreen TV is much too important to me, I guess I’ll hold off on it for now. Just don’t ever let me see you in person, Juan. Especially if I’m carrying around some kerosene and some matches.

-Time for Wes to show off. Just the fact that the guy came with the top button unbuttoned shirt, the jacket, and the jeans in cowboy boots really seemed like more a “dig me” approach since most other guys came dressed in suits. Man this guy bugs. I know Jeremy probably isn’t too happy I’m doggin on his boy, but I can’t help it. He just rubs me the wrong way. So apparently Wes has written a song for Jillian that he starts performing. Probably wrote it for Melissa but changed the lyrics around once he heard Jillian was the next Bachelorette. His first line of the song, “They say, they say that love don’t come easy.” Isn’t that the first line to every single country music song ever made? How is that original? I guess the longer Jillian keeps Wes around, the more he can continue to finish the lyrics to his song. Oh boy. This is gonna get real corny, real fast. If it hasn’t already. I think we even saw in the previews upcoming that in one scene, he’s under the balcony with the guitar, and she’s on top crying. Puke.

-Next up it was time for the Douchebag Showoff Challenge between Michael the Breakdancer and Greg the Bilbro Idiot. Michael is told by producers, errrrrrr, decides on his own that breakdancing for Jillian is a way to win her heart. So he breaks out his best “Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo” moves. Outstanding Michael. You look like quite the lady killer standing on your head while grabbing your ankles. I hope you’re proud of yourself. Of course, nobody is allowed to show up Greg the Bilbro Bodybuilder Model, so he decides to step in and give us his junk. Not impressed. And not to be outdone, Michael decides to turn this scene into something out of “You Got Served”. Oh snap! No he didn’t! The fact that we’re in 2009 and two guys were breakdancing for the right to win over Jillian was downright laughable to me. Why not just see who could get the highest score on Ms. Pac Man? Or who could put together the Rubik’s Cube the quickest? Embarrassing.

-Now it’s time to bring in the extra five Bachelors since they made such a big mistake on the original 25. Hmmmm, of the 25 they originally brought on the show, 16 of them got eliminated. But 4 of the 5 new guys got to stay past the first night. It’ll definitely be interesting to see how long Tanner P., Reid, Mike, and Ed last in this competition. Maybe these were your five late guys brought in “at the last minute” and given monetary incentive to do so. I would mention Bryce, but he got eliminated last night. Something tells me these four could be going a while in the game. That is, if Tanner P.s foot fetish doesn’t land him in fetish porn first. How do you even explain that to someone? The dude is in love with womens feet to the point where he’d consider it a dealbreaker if he didn’t like their feet. Huh? I know this is straight out of the movie “Boomerang”, but c’mon, how shallow can you get? I seriously can’t remember the last time where I was even that up close and personal with my date/girlfriend/love toy’s foot to even care enough to see how it looked. Yet this dweeb bases everything off it? I bet he was just about to kill someone when he was only allowed to look at Jillians feet while the other guy actually got to touch them. OMG! Does Tanner P. climax at the thought of touching a woman’s foot? If he does, I think its safe to say he’s the creepiest guy to ever appear on this show. The foot monster will be one to watch in the following weeks since you know he’ll be stalking out Jillians feet like a madman. I feel sorry for you dude, I really do.

-So Jillian decides to give Dave, the guy who almost wet himself out of the limo when he completely blanked on what to say to her for 10 minutes. Like I mentioned earlier, either he’s clueless what to do with a woman or he’s secretly a genius for using that maneuver to get the first impression rose. I mean, who couldn’t forget a guy who completely loses all train of thought after saying, “Hello, my name is Dave. Nice to meet you. You look very pretty. I, I, I, uhhhhh, errrrrrr, (10 seconds of silence), so yeah, anyways, I’ll see you inside.” Apparently Jillian isn’t too hard to impress. Michael was a breakdancing fool for her yanking his legs over head and serving up the goodies, yet it was Dave the mute who gets the rose? Go figure. Apparently when she compares all these guys to her last “boyfriend” Jason, they all look like Rico Suave.

-Rose ceremony time. Jillian is gonna be one of those with diarrhea of the mouth this season, I can tell. “Always hated this part, but now I understand. It was tough getting to know 25, and now its 30. It’s gonna be even harder than I thought. You’re such wonderful guys, and thank you for making this night so enjoyable. Especially you creepy foot fetish freak.”

Roses go to: Jake, Jesse, Wes, Mathue, Michael, Robert, Ed, Reid, Simon, Kiptyn, Mike, Brian D., Sasha, Julien, Tanner P., Mark, Brad, Tanner F…

Host Chris: “Guys, Jillian, this is the final rose of the evening. Whenever you’re ready. It’s 5 in the morning, I’m dead tired, I need to go home and Twitter more nonsense and not respond to Reality Steve.”

-Final rose goes to Juan, the Santa Monica general contractor with the incredibly smallish facial features. A couple of our dudes are pretty bummed. Especially Greg the Dildo, errrr, Bilbro.

-So upcoming this season we see that, well, a lot of these dudes like to cry. Host Chris mentions in his blog today that with 30 guys this season, “the numbers are going to be a little different each week. This, oddly enough, really changed the show.” What he means by that is, not 100% sure on this yet, but it’s almost confirmed, is that we might actually have a final 5 that get hometown dates, and not 4. Which makes sense. If you’re gonna add 5 more guys, why not allow one more hometown date? The elimination looks like it could go like this: 30 down to 20, 20-16, 16-12, 12-9, 9-5, 5-3, 3-2, 2-1. Looks like that’s what Chris is talking about. He also mentioned in an interview this week that something happens during the season that’s never happened before. I’ve heard a couple things it could be, but, I’m pretty sure it’s someone decides to leave on his own accord. And they actually acknowledge it, unlike what they did with Graham when he asked to leave, but they made it seem like he was eliminated. Which, in turn, ended up changing the whole outcome of that season. But hey, that’s yesterdays news.

-So as promised, I told you once Jillians season started, due to the large response I got after mentioning it a couple months ago, I decided to start selling RealitySteve.com merchandise. It won’t be available to order until next week, but I figured I could give you a sneak peek at what we’ll have available. We have six womens shirts (3 different designs each coming in 2 different colors), two tank tops, and two pairs of shorts. In addition, we’ve done a military cap and a coffee mug. Next week, if all goes according to plan, you will see these items modeled on this site by two former “Bachelor” contestants (one from Lorenzo’s season and one from Brad’s season), along with being able to place your orders. But since I promised everything would be ready to go by the start of Jillians season, and we’re not quite there yet, the least I could do is let you see some of the designs. Final pricing and everything else you need will be ready to go next week. Here’s a sample of what we’ll have:

All your feedback is welcome either in the comments section or email me at steve@realitysteve.com. I’ll be back Friday with a “Reality Roundup” column on all the finales occurring this week, plus an update on what the plan is for the merchandise store. As always, any questions, comments, emails, criticisms, queries, email me at steve@realitysteve.com. See you Friday.

Administrator The Bachelorette 5 - Jillian

Quite a few interesting stories to get to this week regarding some of our favorite topics. I’ll save the “Survivor” stuff til next week after the finale airs this weekend. Maybe I’ll tweet about it Sunday night. Or is the actual processing called twittering. Or tweeting. Whatever the hell they call it, count on me doing some this weekend. If you’re not on board, sign up by scrolling down the right hand column and joining. As for this week, good stuff coming out of the “Celebrity Apprentice” finale where I’ll get a question answered that I posed on Monday. More hogwash from the “Jon and Kate Plus Eight” saga. Enough already. Just get the divorce and be done with this. Some “Bachelorette” news that I must address since I’ve gotten a gazillion emails about it this week. Also, more evidence the “Hills” is fake. Not that you didn’t know that already. Plus, we’ll talk about Danny Gokey headed home and my reaction to it, since that seemed to be first and foremost on a lot of readers mind. Why? I have no idea. And we’ll get to the finals of “DWTS”. Lets get started.

“Dancing with the Stars”

-Did we really need a two hour show when there’s only four dancers? Hell, the show was an hour and half long when there was EIGHT left. Too much pomp and circumstance for me. We really needed to watch each couples previous TWO dances in their entirety while they critiqued it? I don’t remember them doing this in the past to be honest. Lets just let each of them do their two final dances, have some pros dance in between to kill some time and be done with it. That was waaaaaay too long. Especially when two of those dances belonged to the cyborg that is Ty Murray. Nice guy, great story, had no business being there and I’m glad he’s gone. And he is too. You could tell he barely wanted to be a part of it last week since he knew he was there out of pity votes. I think he should’ve just kept tripping over his own feet on purpose.

-Nice to see our very own Chris Harrison in the house during Wednesday’s results show. How did I know this? Because he let us know on Twitter beforehand. So obviously, I scoped him out in the audience and there he was with lovely wife Gwen. Gotta love cross promotion. That guy wouldn’t be anywhere near that show if the “Bachelor/ette” was on another network. Now before all you get crazy with your “Wait, how can he be there if he’s filming the ‘Bachelorette’”? emails, let me assure you that will addressed later in the column. I can’t believe how many emails I got regarding the whole Jillian conference call with the media this week. I thought it was pretty cut and dry what she said. I guess people didn’t want to believe her for some reason. Later.

-I’ll be honest, I really haven’t watched much of Ty’s dancing the last few weeks. Why? We all know he didn’t deserve to be there based on his dancing ability, so why should I watch? If this was a personality and charm contest, he’d win. But it’s not. Although, I did see the prepackaged video of him taking Chelsie to the Saddle Ranch to ride the mechanical bull. That got me a little sweaty. Chelsie sure looked like she knew what the hell she was doing on top. And she rode the bull quite well also. I was wondering if her cutoff shorts could’ve possibly been any shorter? Hmmmmm. Would’ve been interesting to find out. Do us all a favor next time Chelsie. Just ride the thing naked. Might as well just end all the suspense and get to the goods.

-When they were doing the background vides on each contestant, I was definitely interested in watching Melissa’s. Not so much to see where she came from, but to watch all the “Bachelor” footage again. Man, that was just as good the second time around. Not to mention the fact that she’s dropped at least 15 lbs since the “Bachelor” filming. Wow. She really looks good now. Not that she was fat by any means on the show, but you look at her now and you could bounce quarters off her ass. Wow. I haven’t used that line in years. Good to break that one out. It’s been in the closet for a while now.

-One of the other big themes on the email this week has been something to this effect: “How come Melissa’s parents kept claiming they were ‘private people’ which is why they didn’t want to be filmed on the ‘Bachelor’, but in her hometown video this week, they were front and center talking about her.” I think there is a very simple answer to this question. Because even they know the “Bachelor” is a ridiculous show and complete joke. Probably didn’t want to associate themselves with it. Now, “DWTS” is paying their daughter some serious coin to be on their show, so sh**, I’d be doing whatever they asked of me too. Can you blame them? ABC and the “Bachelor” told us that they were private people who didn’t want to be filmed. Whether you choose to believe that’s really the case or they were just using that to sell a storyline is completely up to you. I’ll choose the latter.

“‘American Idol’ Results Show”

-The question I’ve gotten asked most in the last 36 hours or so is, “So how do you feel now that Gokey is gone?” Ummmm, the same way I felt before he was gone? And the same way I’ve felt every season? Look, I’ve never voted and I never will. I just watch. I don’t care who wins. My opinion was that I thought Danny would win. He didn’t. The last thing I’m going to do is start writing, “OMG, I CAN’T BELIEVE HE GOT ELIMINATED!!!!” It’s really no big deal. And I’m sorry, if you’re that sad, or that disappointed, or that angry he’s gone, you need your head checked. There are about ten gazillion things more important in this world than whether or not Danny Gokey should’ve been in the “American Idol” finals. I thought he’d be there. I thought he’d win. I was wrong. Wasn’t the first time, and won’t be the last. I’ve just never understood people who would get so worked up over this show. I read the comments from some of you people and shake my head in amazement. Really? You really dislike other people that much and think that other people who like someone you don’t are wrong? Wow. Some people are cat people. Some people are dog people. Some people like both. Well, same goes here. Some are Kris fans. Some are Adam fans. Some are Gokey fans. Does it make them less of a person because they don’t like someone you like?

-And since “Idol” never shows us voting results, what if Kris beat out Danny by 500,000 votes out of, what they claim, was “88 million who voted”? Would you really be that surprised then? Out of 88 million votes, if it was announced that Adam got 50 million, Kris got 30 million, and Danny got 8 million, then I’d be surprised. Other than that, it is what it is. “How can Danny never be in the bottom 3 all season then get eliminated?” Ummmm, cuz maybe they were ALL in the bottom 3 Wednesday night. And the top 3. Once there’s three left, you can throw your “bottom 3″ mess out the window. Does it really matter at that point? And I’ll make this point again: Because Danny got voted out, doesn’t mean he’s not a good singer, or won’t have a great career, or got screwed. It means that on Tuesday night, May 13th, it just so happened Adam and Kris got more votes than him. That’s all it means. Nothing more, nothing less. Same goes for next week when the winner is announced. Some people need a real perspective when it comes to this show, and that’s sad. Because the person you wanted to win got eliminated doesn’t mean the show is fixed.

-Which brings us to a Kris/Adam finale. Who’ll win? Hell if I know. I’d like to say Adam, but, if there’s no votes going to Gokey anymore, I would think Gokey fans who continue to vote might lean more towards Kris than they would Adam. But that’s pure speculation. I don’t know, you don’t know, nobody knows. And a lot of you need to get off this “This show is fixed” thing. Really? If its fixed, why the hell didn’t Daughtry win? Hell, why didn’t Daughtry even get to the finals? If its fixed, explain Taylor Hicks winning when Simon admitted from the get-go he was never a fan? If its fixed, wouldn’t the whole object of fixing the thing be to put, who they feel, are the two best singers in the finals every year? How many times have we had that?

Season 1: Sideshow Guarini certainly wasn’t the 2nd best singer on that season. Not even close.
Season 2: Definitely had it right with Reuben and Clay.
Season 3: Diana DeGarmo? Please. I bet half you didn’t even remember she lost to Fantasia.
Season 4: Debatable on Bo Bice. At worst, he was 3rd best, so you can make a case they had it right that season as well.
Season 5: Not even close. Next.
Season 6: Jordin was always the best singer that season. Blake was the best performer, but certainly wasn’t the best singer.
Season 7: The two David’s. Ok, this season had the right two in the finals as well.

3 out of 7 is less than 50% last time I checked. What I’m getting at is the show is NOT fixed. Please. This isn’t the 1960’s people and this isn’t “Quiz Show”. Too much money involved in this show and too much scrutiny for the #1 show in America the last 5 years to even contemplate tampering with the results. If you really think “Idol” would risk that, you’re quite naive I hate to tell ya’. Lets remember, for the 100th time, the voters have the say in who they want to win. The judges can pimp Adam all they want. If he wins, it doesn’t mean its because of the judges pimping him because there’s no way you can prove that. Just the same way you can’t prove if Kris wins, its because fans were sick of the judges pimping Adam so they voted against what the judges wanted. Perfect example was last years finale: All three judges said that Archuleta outperformed Cook on ALL 3 songs. It was unanimous. Hands down. Simon even called it a “knockout”. But Cook ended up winning. Yet in season 4, Simon predicted half way through the season not only would Carrie win that season, “but she would sell more records than any contestant ever on the show”. Fans didn’t seem to vote against that, did they? So yes, sometimes the fans side with the judges, and sometimes they don’t. There’s no way to prove it, so by throwing out “conspiracy” and “fixed” makes you seem ignorant. Unless you personally ask every single person who voted their reasoning behind their vote, you’ll never get your answer as to how and why people vote for the ones they do. So lets drop the conspiracy nonsense. Its ridiculous.

“Celebrity Apprentice”

-The one question I asked after the finale was, “Why couldn’t we get a truthful answer to what happened with Joan and her designer.” Well, we finally did, but it was too late since Joan was already named the winner. And it was what we pretty much should’ve expected. The guy quit on Joan because she was a complete bitch. The man in question, David Tutera, who hosts some show called “My Fair Wedding”, went on Barbara Walters radio show this past Monday morning and essentially blasted the show, and Joan and Melissa, into another orbit. What’d he say? Take a look:

“Joan and Melissa were completely incapable of giving me their insight on how the party should look. They had zero direction. In 23 years of being in this business, I have never left anyone, no matter how difficult they are to work with. Her behavior towards any human being was so unacceptable to me. She’s a monster I cannot begin to even explain.”

Furthermore, he was told by “Celebrity Apprentice” producers beforehand that at no time was he allowed to give Joan any ideas of his own. “So when I got to the room and Joan’s team gave me no ideas, I was left to sort of stand there and defend myself.” Reality television.

-And of course, let’s not forget what was brought up by a commenter in Monday’s blog which I researched and found out to be true, and that’s Donald Trump’s sister-in-law, Blaine Trump, is a Vice Chairman for “God’s Love We Deliver”, Joan’s charity. And there are plenty of internet pictures of Blaine Trump and Joan Rivers together at functions. Gee, kind of a conflict of interest wouldn’t you think? So I ask all fans of Joan who came running to her defense, tell me exactly what you think of how the show played out now? Yes, Donald Trumps brother WAS married to Blaine Trump before a messy divorce, but still, the woman is his sister-in-law and having her charity front and center on the finale, giving the title to Joan so she can give $250k to that particular charity? Please.

“Jon and Kate Plus Eight”

-Man, this stuff is getting better and better. Now Kate is boinking her bodyguard. And they’ve been separated for six months, according to Kate’s brother, who was unceremoniously booted from the show after season 2 or 3 because, as he states, “Kate didn’t want to share the money that was being doled out”. The funny thing through all of this is that in Kate’s televised interview, she’s even admitted to them having problems. And Jon wasn’t by her side. And she says she “doesn’t believe” the infidelity rumors are true, yet doesn’t flat out deny them and say there’s no way that’s possible. Look, I can’t feel sorry for these two. They’re giving us the “woe is us” B.S. and I just don’t buy it. Look at what your life has become since you popped out six kids. You’re making 75k a show, you live in a million dollar home, you fly for free everywhere you go, and all the other perks from the show you’ve gotten are ridiculous. Did you see this list? Here it is:

- Free beds
- Front-loader washing machines
- New furniture
- Free solar panels for “Going Green” episode
- Clothes from Gymboree and Gap
- Mady & Cara birthday at American Girl Place (2 dolls and birthday package for 2 adults & 2 kids): $710
- Trip to Florida Key’s for Jon’s 30th birthday
-Tickets to Dutch Wonderland amusement park: $309.50
-1/2 an organic cow from Natural Acres Farm: $1,395.00
-Tickets to Philadelphia Zoo: $104.00
-Tickets to Walt Disney World: $654.00 per day
- Utah house rental (estimate: $5,000), ski lift tickets $72 for six days), ski school lessons ($140 per child)
- Upright piano, which they got rid of when they moved into their new $1.1 million home : $5,550-$6,350
- Violin: $100-$300
- Old house re-carperted
-Crayola Factory Tour: $90.00
-Teeth Whitening (for Jon & Kate): $1,310 (average price for 2 adults)
-Hair plugs (Jon): $5,200 (average cost)
-Sesame Street Place tickets: $509.50
-Day with Thomas the Tank Engine: $180.00
-Beach trip to North Carolina, house rental, Jeep tour
-Sight & Sound Christian theatre tickets: $236.00
-SkyBox at Phillies game
-LegoLand tickets: $550.00
-San Diego Zoo tickets: $278.00
-Grand Wailea Resort (Hawaii) for 2008 vow renewal: Suites range from $725-$1,080 per night.
-2 purebred German Shepherd puppies: $1,000-$3,000 per dog
- Please Touch Museum tickets: $150.00
- Giants grocery store: $5,000 in gift cards and a year’s supply of diapers

And I’m supposed to feel sorry for this couple? They’re two of the luckiest sons of bitches on this planet, all for doing nothing but birthing six heads at a time. You were nobodies before all this happened, now you’re one of the more recognizable families out there. If your husband can’t keep it in his pants, that’s his problem. If you want to play hide the sausage with the bodyguard, that’s your problem. Don’t tell middle America how tough your life has become because people want a picture when you go to the grocery store or paparazzi camps out in front of your house. You brought that on yourself the minute you signed on the dotted line to have your lives taped.

“The Hills”

-As we know, Kristin Cavallari is replacing Lauren on the “Hills” next season and will make her first appearance in the season finale when she catches the bouquet at Speidi’s wedding. Wow. How coincidental? Anyway, she was interviewed this week and basically told those who didn’t know, yeah, ummm, our show is pretty fake. This is an interview with EW.com. Awesome.

On why she’s coming back to reality TV:
“The goal for me is to get my fans excited about me again. When I first started out, I had a celebrity name but I didn’t have the acting skills I have now. If I have some buzz with my name again, I feel like it will only help.”

On rumors that producers are plotting a romance between her and Justin Bobby (which The Hills producers deny):
“I have no idea! [laughs] I don’t think MTV would be like, ‘Oh you’re dating him now. This is your boyfriend.’ But they might try and set up situations. I’m totally cool with that. Again, it’s a TV show and they need to make it entertaining.”

On how her version of The Hills will differ from Lauren’s:
“I’m a completely different person than Lauren. I have a lot more energy. I’m more outgoing. I’m a little more spontaneous. And she has a boyfriend so she’s not dating on the show. I’m very open to dating and finding a guy.”

On introducing Heidi and Spencer:
“It’s so funny. I guess it was 4 years ago. I was dating Brody [Jenner] and Spencer was Brody’s best friend. I had known Heidi when she was friends with Lauren when we were still filming Laguna Beach. Heidi was like, ‘Hook me up with someone. I wanna meet a guy.’ And Brody and I were kinda like, ‘Well, maybe Spencer?’ We’ll see what happens.’ So we all went on a double date and they just hit it off right away and now they’re married.”

Gee, where do I begin? “I didn’t have the acting skills I have now.” Ooooh, cuz that’s what everyone watches this show for. The acting skills of the characters. If what you call what Audrina does “acting”, then they should just cancel the Oscars for the rest of this century because she’s disgracing the industry. Giving blank stares and facial expressions is acting? Since when?

“It’s a TV show and they need to make it entertaining.” Translation: None of this is real, we’re told what to do and say once we’re put into contrived situations that will create drama. And did I mention that I’m getting paid to do all this, so essentially, I do whatever they tell me to do.

“(Lauren) has a boyfriend so she’s not dating on the show.” Always been one of my favorite things about the “Hills” is that the show is supposed to be about Lauren’s city life, yet it doesn’t focus on the two most important things in her life. Her clothing line and her boyfriend. Nice. Really capturing the essence of who she really is by showing us her drinking lattes and listening to all of her friends drama.

And finally, the fact that Kristin was the one that introduced Heidi and Spencer officially means she’s the devil and needs to be cleared off this earth as soon as possible. Maybe the fake Locke can do away with her through his “loophole”.

“The Bachelorette”

-I’m going to answer this question only once so the emails quit pouring in. No, they have not completed filming of the “Bachelorette” yet, so for I believe the first time in shows history, the show will begin airing while filming is still going on. What does this mean? I don’t know. I guess it gives them an opportunity to not have the F1 get out so early. Or it means they could pull what they did in Charlie’s season and do a live finale in the end, which is something I’ve said over and over again, I don’t know why they’ve only done it once. The show started filming March 25 or 26th, and with the 6-8 week schedule it takes to shoot, not being done filming right now holds water. The rumors about Jillian not choosing anyone are just that at this point. Rumors. Considering they haven’t shot the final rose ceremony yet, I don’t even know how that could even be a rumor. Doesn’t make much sense.

-The lovely Laura Saltman over at AccessHollywood.com (who’s link you can find down the right hand column, “Dish of Salt”), has gotten to see clips of the premiere show and has a mini review up if you want to check it out. In it, she mentions that Jason and Molly are headed to Turks and Caicos this weekend for vacation. Which immediately brought up rumors that they are going to show up on Jillian’s final rose ceremony somehow to give their advice. Man, ever since last season, people seem to think that everything someone does means something in regards to the “Bachelor”. Chris Harrison tweets something, and immediately people want to tie it to the “Bachelorette”. Jason and Molly take a vacation, and immediately its got something to do with the show. Jason and Molly vacationing in Turks in Caicos means nothing more than Jason and Molly are vacationing in Turks and Caicos. I can’t imagine ABC is gonna have them show up during Jillians season considering they did that last season with DeAnna and her bogus appearance in New Zealand. But hey, if they want to shove it down our throats that J&M are still together, I’m sure they’ll find a way. I just don’t think they’d do it at Jillians expense.

That’s it for this week. Hope you enjoyed it. Next week, since the “Idol” results aren’t known til Wednesday, I’ll just include my “Idol” recap in with “Reality Roundup” on Friday. So before the emails and hate mail start flowing in, THERE WILL BE NO “IDOL” RECAP ON WEDNESDAY. Any questions, comments, praises, criticisms, stories, queries, email me at steve@realitysteve.com and I would be more than happy to answer any questions you may have. See you next Friday.

Administrator Reality Roundup

So what’s with the fact they couldn’t have had each singer do three songs like in seasons past? Really that tough to do nine songs total? Yes, I understand with four judges who like to yap about nothing half the time, and only an hour to squeeze it in, it might be a tad tough, but it’s definitely doable. Or not. Just seems like for the big show to get to the finals of “American Idol”, you should have to sing three songs. Oh well. No sense crying over spilled milk (is that the right phrase? Didn’t sound right for some reason). Once again, Paula was cracked out with her song choice. Terrence Trent D’Arby? Every other song was recognizable, then she pulls that stuff. She should been banned from the finale. Ha ha. That’d be great to see them open the finale next week only to tell us Paula has been suspended for such a horrible song choice the week before. On to the performances.

Danny Gokey, “Dance Little Sister”: Huh? Like I said, such a random song for such a big night. I don’t know what she was thinking with this song choice. I actually thought Danny toned down his dancing in this performance and didn’t look like a complete spaz like he has in the past. However, I didn’t care much for the song, and Danny has always been much better on ballads than up tempo stuff. Kara did get to utter the phrase “money spot” during her critique of Danny’s performance. Easy Kara. This is a kids show. Why not just tell everyone you were so excited you felt like donkey punching someone? Yes I know. Technically Kara would be on the receiving end of that. Forget it. Anyway, my favorite judge critique of the night came from Simon when he was talking about Danny’s dancing and got in a little dig at “DWTS” by calling it that “funny little dancing show next door.” In case you didn’t know, “DWTS” and “Idols” studios are right next to each other. Maybe that’s why Paula is always standing up dancing in her chair?

Kris Allen, “Apologize”: Recognizable song, but it was a karaoke performance not as good as the original. I actually disagreed with Simon and sided with Randy and Kara on this one when they said he should’ve changed the arrangement. Why does he need to be told this? He didn’t need to be told it in other weeks and changed the arrangement to make it better. Why not last night? Didn’t understand that. It was the perfect song choice for him since that’s the type of music he’ll put out on his album. I just wasn’t wow’ed at all by the performance and it was pretty forgettable. However, the judges played a role in that by fighting for a good five minutes after he was done. That just got annoying. Sometimes the judges think they’re a lot funnier than they really are.

Adam Lambert, “One”: I wasn’t as in awe of this performance as a few of them were. It was really good, but, he’s sang better. I think the screaming again is what did it for me. That’s obviously his signature thing and he’s trying to incorporate it into every song now where he belts out a good ten second primal scream. I just think that for every little tweenie that wets themselves when he does that, there’s another half of America that is completely put off by it. Between comments on my site and emails I’ve received, it’s literally 50/50 on Adam. Either people absolutely love him, or they’re put off by him. The ones that are put off don’t hate the guy, he’s just not their cup of tea. Which means they wouldn’t vote for him. One thing I found interesting about his performance was when they panned to his family after he sang. Ummmm, who was the dude next to his dad with the tight, tight, tight tank top on? Let me guess, just a really good buddy, right?

Danny Gokey, “You Are So Beautiful”: If you remember, Taylor Hicks sang this in semifinal week as a judges choice by Randy. Clive Davis gave him “Dancing in the Dark”, and he chose “Tenderness” by Otis Redding as his song choice. Don’t ask me why I remember this so vividly. For some reason, the season 5 finale will always remain my favorite. Just was. Anyway, I thought Danny killed it. Absolutely amazing that we’ve now gone 11 weeks since Danny began the Top 13, and not once has he, Ryan, or any of the judges mentioned his dead wife. I knew they’d cut back on it after how much they harped on it early, but not to mention it once all season is pretty amazing. Needless to say, this was Danny’s song choice and I think we all know why. No doubt that was a dedication to his wife. Good stuff. I would’ve bet money that when it was Paulas turn to speak, she’d be crying.

Kris Allen, “Heartless”: Can’t say I ever thought I’d hear a Kanye song performed with an acoustic guitar, but he pulled it off. I liked it way better than “Apologize”. And that’s pretty much it. Nothing much to say. His strength is when he’s appealing to chicks and playing the guitar and he accomplished that on this performance.

Adam Lambert, “Crying”: Honestly, I thought this was the worst performance of the night. It wasn’t terrible, but there was definitely something off about it. Maybe it was the female background singers that seemed to be singing at a different time than Adam was, or maybe because it was Adam, and it was Aerosmith, I expected him to destroy the song. Didn’t really do it for me. He got his screams in, but it just wasn’t that powerful of a performance for me. Don’t get me wrong, he’s still making the finals next week based on his resume, but I don’t think this was one of his strongest nights. Might’ve been his worst actually.

Reality Steve’s Top 2 Performances:

1. Danny Gokey, “You Are So Beautiful”
2. Kris Allen, “Heartless”

Reality Steve’s Bottom 2 Performances:

1. Adam Lambert, “Crying”
2. Kris Allen, “Apologize”

Reality Steve’s Prediction of Who’s Going Home: Gee, well since Week 1 I’ve said we’re looking at a Danny/Adam final, and nothing in my mind has changed that, so I’ll say Kris goes home. However, if Kris does advance vs Adam, then I think Adam will win “American Idol”. If it’s a Danny/Adam final, then I still think Danny will win. If by some act of God, we get a Danny/Kris final, then I still think Danny wins.

Back Friday again with another “Reality Roundup.” No, serious this time. Really. It will be up on Friday. Hope you don’t stone me to death if it isn’t, ha ha. It looks like the launch of the merchandise store could get set back a week. Its going to come down to the wire. However, I want to make sure everything is working, the site looks good, and its presentable in a way that makes it easy to navigate. It’s going to be a work in progress, trust me, but I don’t want to launch it when everything isn’t set to go. You’ll know next week once the “Bachelorette” begins where we stand with it. At the latest, it launches on the 25th. Once again, any questions, comments, emails, praises, criticisms, send them all to steve@realitysteve.com. See you Friday.

Administrator American Idol 8

I love when people get upset and tell me how I should run MY website. Pretty hilarious if you ask me. Look, I read all your comments but there’s a reason I put my email address at the end of EVERY SINGLE COLUMN I write. You have a problem, question, criticism, email me. Writing it in the comments section seems a little chicken sh** if you ask me. The reason I don’t write in my own comments section is because, well, there’s no need to. I write my column to give my opinions, the comment section is there for yours. I love it when people have differing opinions and express it in the comments section. Hell, I encourage it. However, the reason I’m responding to those who commented on the last post when I told you my column would be up 2 DAYS LATE, is because you weren’t expressing an opinion, you were attacking me and your facts were completely wrong. I have no idea how long those people have been following me, but do you realize in the past, when it wasn’t during the “Bachelor/Bachelorette” season, I maybe wrote one or two columns TOTAL until the next season started? I do this for fun, and I’m writing twice a week. And judging by the numbers, as much as you claim to know otherwise (even though its basically impossible since only me and my webmaster know how many hits I get a month), your assessment that I’m “losing readers” couldn’t be further from the truth. So since none of you had the nerve to ask me directly in an email, I will respond to your criticisms one by one.

“You do not blog when you say you will”

Let’s remember one thing here. I don’t get paid for this. Haven’t for the last 7 years. This is all for fun, all on my own time. I don’t have to write anything if I don’t want to, but I like what I do, I enjoy entertaining people with the column, and I do my best to write as much as I can. As mentioned earlier, in the past, once “Bachelor” season ended in say May, you were lucky to get more than two columns out of me total until it started back up in September. So the fact that once Jason’s season ended, I told you I would have an “American Idol” recap up on Wedndesdays and “Reality Roundup” column up on Fridays, I’d say I’ve done a damn good job to stick to that promise. Don’t think so? Let me prove it:

“Two blogs a week is what we expect and you have not been able to hack it lately”

This was my favorite statement that couldn’t be more wrong. Why? Because your answer is right there down the right hand column where it says “Calendar”. That shows every column I’ve written since, well, ever. But for those having a hard time reading that or not taking the time to look at it, let me refresh your memory.

The “Bachelor” ended on Monday, March 2nd. I had a column up Monday the 2nd. And one on Tuesday, the 3rd. And Wednesday, the 4th. And the following Monday the 9th. That week started my “American Idol” and “Reality Roundup” recaps. I said the “Idol” columns would be up every Wednesday after the performance show on Tuesday night, and here are the dates I’ve written “Idol” recaps (Sometimes it actually posted on Tuesday night because I finished it before midnight Central time):

March 11th, 18th, 26th, 31st
April 7th, 14th, 22nd, 29th,
May 6th

So just to recap, I have yet to miss an “American Idol” column since the Top 13 started, which I said I would do.

As for “Reality Roundup”, I said it would be up every Friday. Here are the dates I’ve written a recap:

March 13th, 20th, 27th
April 10th, 17th, 24th,
May 1st

The only “Reality Roundup” that hasn’t shown up on a Friday since the “Bachelor” ended was on April 3rd, and if you remember, I told you I was going to be in California that weekend on vacation. I said I’d try, and I did, but I just couldn’t get around to finishing the whole thing. My apologies.

Then of course there was this past Friday where I said the “column will be up on Monday.” I didn’t say, “Screw this. I’m not doing a column this week, you’ll have to wait a week.” No, I said something else came up, and I was postponing it two days. Yet the minute it doesn’t go up, the “selective memory” starts to set in for some readers saying I never write when I say I will and that I’m slacking blah blah blah. If you take away the vacation I went on and didn’t write, you do realize I haven’t missed a column since the “Bachelor” ended until this past Friday, which you are getting now (Not to mention I’ve missed ONE “Bachelor/ette column in 15 seasons of covering the show. ONE). I think I’ve proven my point. Look, disagree with my opinions all you want, but don’t ever tell me how to run my own site and question my dedication to it. I find it insulting. The fact that you even took time out of your day to post in the comment section on how disappointed you are (even though I’ve missed one column in two months and that was due to vacation), makes me think you care even more than the average fan. So thank you, actually.

“Your fame has been a little sickening”

Ummmm, exactly what “fame” are you talking about? You know when I’ll consider what I do being “famous”? Never. I’m not famous because a tabloid mag quoted me. I’m not famous because I keep in touch with a few of the “Bachelor/ette” contestants. I’m not famous because a charity event invited me to their function. If some of you consider that famous, then we have completely different definitions of the word. The last thing I consider myself is “famous” or a “celebrity”. When paparazzi is waiting outside my apartment waiting to take pictures of me walking Maddie, that’s being famous. When I can’t go out in public without being surrounded by fans asking for pictures and autographs, that’s famous. When my personal life becomes public knowledge in magazines and internet sites, that’s famous. And you know what? None of that will ever happen, so I’m not too worried. I write a blog that’s meant for entertainment. If you like it, then read it. If you don’t, then don’t. No skin off my back. And judging by the numbers in the last few months, it seems like more and more of you are liking it.

“A legend in your own mind”

Ha ha. Laughable. Based on what? I’m a legend in my own mind? That’s news to me. When I’m making $50k a month off my website and having a team of writers draw pictures of penises around peoples mouths, then you can call me a legend. Until then, I’m just Reality Steve and I have a blog. As much of a talentless hack that I think Perez Hilton is, and whose site couldn’t possibly be any more different than mine, I respect the guy for what he’s done, as should most people. Who wouldn’t love to get paid that kind of cake on a monthly basis to basically do nothing but draw on peoples pictures? He’s a freakin genius if you ask me.

“You are losing followers every time you tell us how you are too busy to pay attention to this site”

I would really like someone to go back to a past column anywhere on this blog, and find where I said I’m too busy to pay attention to this site. The numbers speak for themselves above. When the “Bachelor” ended, I said I’d be writing twice a week, “American Idol” recaps on Wednesdays, and “Reality Roundups” on Friday. Every “Idol” column has been there, one “RR” column wasn’t because of vacation, and the other one (this one), is two days late. Not to mention, I’ve been working to get advertising on the site and we are roughly 8 days away from launching our merchandise store, which is a work in progress. The plan is to have the merchandise store ready to go on Tuesday, May 18th’s “Bachelorette Recap” column. We’ve got some good stuff I think, but this my first venture into the merchandise side, so this is definitely going to be a work in progress. Could be a few glitches, but we are going to take all your feedback into consideration and put out the best products possible. We’re going to launch somewhat small, but as the seasons change, we’ll come up with new looks and new products.

Whew. I feel better now. Just had to get that off my chest. Very rarely do you ever see me respond to peoples opinions on my own site, but I just had to this time because they couldn’t have been more wrong in what they were saying. So please, if any of you have an issue with anything I write, feel free to email me anytime steve@realitysteve.com and I will gladly respond back to you. Its usually better in an email then laying it out in the column, but this had to be said. On to this weeks column.

“Dancing With the Stars”

-So our first real surprise elimination of the season. Lil’ Kim goes home before Ty. Yes, that was surprising. But I mentioned this before, Lil’ Kims fan base for this show was very minimal. Of one of the four best dancers was in trouble to stick around, it was her. Ty obviously is well liked because he comes across as such a good guy. Although, I really could’ve done without the prepackaged video where he’s in his leopard robe watching himself dance on his iphone, while a half naked Jewel asks if he’s coming to bed, and basically blows her off so he can practice his form. Yeah, very believable. Despite having a snaggletooth, I’m guessing I would’ve ripped off my robe and hers the minute she asked me to come to bed. But no, Ty’s REALLY focused on winning this thing, so he’ll put off sex until he’s got every hold down pat. Sure he will.

-I really liked Melissa’s Viennese waltz this week. Why? Because we got to see her white boy shorts through her bottoms. Now, if only we could get a pair of “RealitySteve.com” boy shorts to wear on the show, that’d be perfect (Only 8 more days – hopefully). Let’s see if Melissa can dance as well as she twitters now. Since following her a couple weeks ago, I think twice now when she twittered, she repeated the same thing twice, sometimes even three times. Not that hard, Mel. Type 140 characters or less. Hit send. Not rocket science. But hey, she’s under a lot of stress now, I get it. She’s learning two dances a week, she’s a week away from being in the finals, and she’s dealing with the news that Jason and Molly are pregnant. Ha ha. KIDDING. Just felt I’d throw that out there just to see how many people relay this to other sites now. “Hey, Reality Steve said Jason and Molly are pregnant. Is that true?” No, it’s not. I made it up. All I know is they’re still together and that’s about it. A whole two months they’ve lasted. Which means they should pretty much been on the last few weeks of their relationship.

-I’m kinda enjoying this dance off they’re having every week to decide who is going to be next seasons next pro dancer. My guess? Afton Delgrosso. I can’t see it being the real tall skinny dude. He kinda creeps me out with his Randy Travis head. The blonde chick is good, but, something tells me Afton will win since she’s Ashley’s sister, who was on the first couple seasons and people seemed to like her. Real shocked to see Lisa Rinna be a celebrity dancer. Man, that chick is everywhere. First she’s campaigning to be on the new “Melrose Place”. Then when that doesn’t pan out she decides to take all her clothes off for “Playboy”. Is there a way that Lisa Rinna can just be presented to the rest of America from the neck down from now on? I feel that would add to her appeal. That is a ridiculous body she has for her age. But her face is like a mud fence.

-The one good thing about Lil’ Kim going home is the fact that we don’t have to hear about her bionic booty anymore. It was getting a little old. Yes, she has an ass you could show a movie on, but did we have to talk about it every single week? In fact, I didn’t know what was wider, her ass or her cheekbones? Tough call. And when your fan base is only allowed one outside call per day, its kinda tough for her to garner votes from Middle America. At least with her being eliminated now, Derek can concentrate on landing the role in “Footloose” he desperately wants. Seems like a good match for him to play Kevin Bacon’s character in the remake. Chace Crawford? Really? The guy would have to go through two months of dance training and still wouldn’t be as good as Derek. Probably a better idea to cast the guy who can already dance. Although regardless, has there been a re-make made in the last ten years that wasn’t a piece of crap? Nothing is coming to mind.

“‘American Idol’ Results Show”

-I don’t think it was much of a surprise that Allison went home, so, the biggest thing to talk about was Paula Abdul’s performance. I find it utterly hilarious that as a judge on a singing competition, and in this much talked about first ever performance for her on the show in its 8 seasons, she lip synchs about as bad as anyone can. Obviously, she’s a dancer, and anyone dancing and performing at the same time usually does lip synch. However, I swear, my biggest pet peeve when it comes to this is the performers who wear the wrap around microphone when lip synching. Why? What’s the point? We know you’re not singing live. Do you really have to wear a microphone to pretend that you are? Do you really think people are actually fooled by this. I think Paula is forgetting how old she is. She’s trying waaaaaay too hard to be young again, and sorry woman, but your “Forever Your Girl” days are 20 years behind you. Move on. Sing ballads or something. I thought the song sucked as did her performance as she tried to keep up with 20 year old back up dancers. It was a hot mess if you ask me.

-I’ve always liked final three week because this is usually where Clive Davis picks a song for each of the contestants to sing, then each judge picks a song for them (at least back when there were three judges they did), then they do one of their own choosing. I have no idea what judge is picking what song for contestant but if you were in attendance at either of Danny, Adam, or Kris’ hometown dates, I’m sure you know since that’s when it was announced. Heard Danny had 25,000 show up for his hometown appearance, Kris had close to 20,000, and Adam had a lot as well. Most wearing rainbow colored shirts. I’m kidding. I have no idea what they were wearing. But they were all holding hands. Sorry. Couldn’t help myself. I could care less if Adam is gay, doesn’t bother me in the least bit, but if you don’t think for a second there are certain regions of the country where that won’t play a role in who they vote for, you’re sorely mistaken. I think it’s gonna be close. Still think Gokey is gonna win this thing as I predicted that from when the final 36 began, so I’ll stick with it.

“Survivor”

-Unless Coach wins Immunity this week, chances are he’s gone. Sierra pretty much all but admitted it in her exit interview that Jalapao was targeting Debbie and Coach to be the next two after they eliminated her. Pretty amazing to think that at the merge, Timbera had a 6-4 advantage, and right now, it’s a 3-2 Jalapao advantage, with one of those two Timbera’s being Erinn, who essentially jumped ship to Jalapao immediately at the merge. I think Probst said it best in his blog on Friday, when he said that Erinn essentially changed the whole game. Even if you’re at the bottom of the totem pole in an alliance (like she was with Timbera), the minute you decide to flip, you can completely change the game. You go from the bottom of one alliance, to the middle of the pack of another.

-If JT ends up winning this thing, I hope that he spends a few bucks to fix the Terminator mouth his sister has going on there. Yikes. I haven’t seen that much metal since Schwarzenegger was protecting John Connor from the T-1000. She needs to wear her head gear more or else those things are never coming off. Trust me. I’m speaking from experience. This coming from a guy who had a full set of braces in 4th grade and was only supposed to have them for 2 years maximum. Of course, when you never wear your head gear and you eat all the things you weren’t supposed to, they don’t end up taking off your braces til sophomore year. Yes, quite the lady killer I was, I know. Nothing like having rubber bands in your mouth when you’re trying to shove your tongue down a chicks throat. That’s ok. I’ve come a long way.

“Celebrity Apprentice”

-That was a joke. Let’s make one thing clear, Joan Rivers conducted herself on the show about as poorly as a woman can. Just because she’s 75, I’m supposed to feel sorry for her? She came across as an egotistical whining baby, just like her daughter, who essentially interrupted you every time you had a point or made an argument against her. Let’s be real here, anyone who watched the whole season of the show knows that Annie Duke was the “winner.” She summed it up best in her final plea last night. She brought in the most money, she won the most challenges, she was never brought back into the boardroom by teammates, and she won the most times as project manager. Not to mention she never called anyone a “whore pit viper”. Everything she said summed it up. I think Trump picked Joan because last season, Piers won basically because he blew everyones doors off by raising way more money by everyone else. If Trump picks Annie this season, I think it would eventually be conceding that this is contest for whoever brings in the most money. Which then doesn’t make it interesting since you’d know who’d have done that by the time the finale rolled around. That finale was an embarrassment. I can’t believe anyone who watched that, or watched the whole season like I did, could actually say that Joan conducted herself in a professional manner. What a disgrace.

-Annie was right when she said if anyone ever said some of the things Joan did in a real workplace, that’d be a fireable offense. No question about it. But in the end, does any of this really matter? Of course not. In the final task, Joan raised $150k for her charity. Annie raised $450k. With the $250k that Joan gets for her charity for winning, she STILL didn’t raise as much as Annie. Not to mention all previous tasks where Annie raised tons more than her. So who exactly “won” here? Yeah, Joan gets to call herself the “Celebrity Apprentice”, but Annie raised the most money for her charity and carried herself a hell of a lot more professional in the process. So I wouldn’t get too bent out of shape that Joan won. The only thing she won was a fake title of “Celebrity Apprentice”, which carries about as much weight in Hollywood as “reality TV star”. I think Joan’s age definitely played a role in her being picked, but the Donald really didn’t do himself any favors by picking Joan, yet not giving anyone any explanation for why he did.

-If we’re basing the winner on the entire season, Annie wins. If you’re basing it on the final task, which given the criteria that was laid out, Joan won, then what’s the point of having 13 episodes of tasks if that’s not being taken into account? I like how Donald announces Joan the winner with 1 minute left in the show, doesn’t give anyone an explanation for why he did, and just stands up and claps and says “See you next season”. Great Donald. Thanks for the clarification. The whole concept of this show is pretty stupid to begin with since its not clearly defined what the hell you have to do to win. Annie beat down Joan in every single way possible from the first episode to the last, except for the final task where Joan beat her 3-2 based on the criteria. I highly doubt that should’ve made her the winner. Not to mention, remember earlier in the season, Joan MISSED 3 challenges due to other obligations. So basically, this show has no criteria whatsoever and they’re just looking to create drama and get eyeballs to the TV set. Gee, a reality show that looks to create drama? No way!

-As for Melissa Rivers meltdown which I’ve yet to get to, well, that pretty much speaks for itself. Look at the way her old bag of a mother conducts herself and you realize the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. And you wonder why these two are laughed at in Hollywood circles? They’re a joke. They can spout off all they want about their credentials, but seriously, name me someone under the age of 60 who finds Joan Rivers the least bit funny? She appeals to an older generation, I get it. But I honestly can’t think of one funny thing she said all season. She’s loud, she’s obnoxious, she has no idea how to conduct herself during an argument, and I think she’s senile to boot. I don’t understand her flipping out about the designer quitting on her. Now, of course some editing is involved, but it seemed clear as day to me that her designer quit because he couldn’t deal with her, which in turn meant that Annie’s designer quit and put them both in a serious hole. How come this wasn’t addressed in the live finale? Probably because it was true. I think it would’ve been pretty easy to get some sort of statement from the event planning company and ask why both of their designers quit the night before the event. I think we know the answer, but since that would’ve been another huge red mark against Joan, the Donald couldn’t have justified picking her if that was the case. An all around ridiculous finale, and anyone with half a brain who watched the whole season knows who truly “won”. If Annie raised the most money, but in the process, acted the way Joan did, then I’d say, “Fine. Joan wins.” But it was the complete opposite. Annie raised WAAAAAY more money than anyone else, and didn’t act like a loudmouth, obnoxious, senile old bag in the process.

“The Hills”

-So Brody really cheated on his Playboy Playmate girlfriend with Audrina? Really? They still haven’t been real clear on what happened. Brody tells his boys in Hawaii (minus the “Bromance” winner yet again), that he cheated, yet all they’ve been alluding to was that Audrina stayed the night in his bed. And when Jayde confronted her, there’s no mention of sex or anything and apparently even she’s convinced all she did was sleep in his room. Uhhh, Jayde, if you’re convinced Audrina slept in Brody’s room overnight in Hawaii and that’s ALL that happened, then you’re as dumb as the silicone crammed into your chest. Of course, this is all contrived anyway to create drama, so for all we know, Brody and Audrina hate each other and this was just another storyline for the show. Funny how there’s ALWAYS some drama with every character on the show, except Lauren. No wonder she’s bolting at the end of this season. They ran out of good scripts for her.

-What perfect timing. Lauren isn’t coming back for season 5, and at Speidi’s wedding, we see Kristin Cavalleri making an appearance and find out she’s signed on. Outstanding. I love it. I guess they found a new whipping girl to create a bunch of fake drama around. Word out now is that she’ll be put into a fake romance with Justin Bobby. Oh geez. If it wasn’t scripted before, now you know it is. Justin Bobby? Really? We’re expected to believe she has an interest in that guy? Uh huh. Sure she does. What a train wreck this show is becoming. Before you know it, Stephen is going to be reappearing and this will turn into “Laguna Beach” all over again.

-I liked the episode where Heidi’s ex came in to town with his new girlfriend and they forced them to have lunch with Speidi. Heidi’s ex’s new girlfriend might’ve had the line of the season when she told Heidi, “You look so different than in the pictures I’ve seen.” Honey, that’s because now she’s plastic woman. The girl you saw in high school pictures had no figure, no self esteem, and wasn’t dating a douchenozzle like Spencer. Now she’s got 500cc’s of botox shot into her face, she’s got fake (although spectacular) 36DD’s, and enough collagen injections in her lips to make Lisa Rinna jealous. So yeah, I’d say she looks a little different than in the high school pictures you saw. But thanks for pointing that out to her right to her face. Made for a “Hills” moment that I’ll never forget.

-You know how much I love “Survivor”, and I’ve always sung the praises of its creator Mark Burnett for being the pioneer in America for reality television (outside of the “Celebrity Apprentice” of course). Which is why I am shocked to hear that of all people, Mark Burnett is actually going to be the executive producer behind Audrina’s upcoming reality show. Really? Mark Burnett thinks Audrina Patridge’s social life is that exciting that he’s willing to take cameras to follow her around all day? What am I missing here? She’s a 5th rate character on a horribly scripted MTV reality show. She had a cameo appearance in “Into the Blue 2″ that’s a straight-to-DVD sequel of the original, and she gets killed in what I’m sure will be an awful horror flick “Sorority Row”. Man, for every “Survivor” Burnett has given us, he’s sure equaling that with a complete dud. I cannot believe he’s the exec producer on Audrina’s upcoming show. Embarrassing. For him and the rest of us.

-Quick question: Has anyone ever seen Stephanie Pratt and Brooke Hogan in the same room at the same time? Didn’t think so.

“Jon and Kate Plus Eight”

-Let me first start off by saying I’ve never seen a complete episode of this season. Ill stop and watch briefly when I’m flipping channels, but this is not must see TV for me. Why would I want to watch a guy get balled whipped by his wife on national television? Depressing really. And you wonder why the guy is cheating now. Look, whether you choose to believe the US Weekly stories is entirely up to you, but lets face it, where there’s smoke, there’s fire. There is too much evidence piling up against him for me to believe this guy is just “friends” with a 3rd grade teacher from his hometown that he invites over to sunbathe with when his wife is out of town. C’mon people. Open your eyes. I think its pretty obvious what’s going on here. And if Kate is naive enough to think that Jon and DeAnna are “just friends”, then she’s half as stupid as he is. Not to mention a completely bigger bitch. Let’s face it, these people are celebrities now. And believe or not, celebrities cheat. A lot. Waaaaaaay more than you think. But only stupid ones like this actually get caught. Jon, you live in a small Pennsylvania town, how did you possibly think you wouldn’t get caught? That’s all those people have to live for out there is to check out what their two local celebrities are up to. Much easier to get away with bangin a 23 year old if you’re living in Hollywood cuz they all essentially do it.

-And if you’re one of the fans of the show who tending to believe that none of this is true, then I don’t know what to tell you. There’s a faction out there that is saying this is all being done as a publicity stunt so that it’ll generate more viewers for the next season which premieres later this month. If that’s the case, wouldn’t that make Jon and Kate even worse human beings than if he was actually cheating? You mean to tell me that they’d embarrass their children on national television by coming up with a fake storyline of “Daddy is boinking the grammar school teacher” just to grab some ratings? Ugh. Makes them even worse in my eyes. So he’s either cheating, which makes him a pig, or this is all being done to generate interest in the show, which makes them both guilty of being selfish publicity hounds out for the almighty dollar. Congrats Gosselins. Quite the family you’ve become. I’m sure all of your eight kids will grow up to be completely normal now.

“The Duel 2″

-I’m starting to wonder if this show will ever end? My guess is no. And you know what? It shouldn’t. Of all the spinoffs MTV has done, this show could get spun off 50 times and I don’t think we’d ever be disappointed. Who doesn’t want to see drinking, sex, cat fighting, and challenges where money and Bose headphones are up for grabs every week? I certainly do. And with more seasons of the “Real World” continuing, you’ll always have some new fresh meat to add every season as the sacrificial lambs. This stuff will never get old to me. I’m so disappointed I never watched “The Island”. Who won? What’d they win? And by the way, do you realize the next season of the “Real World” is in Cancun? Really? “RW: Cancun” might make “RW: Las Vegas” seem G-rated. Holy smokes. What kind of job are they gonna get in that season? Working at the free clinic to test all college kids on spring break for STD’s? Can’t wait for that season to start. The cast has already been leaked online in case you want to check it out. Filming ended right before the swine flu broke out. Damn. That might’ve made it one of the best seasons yet. “On the next ‘Real World’, Betsy gets her pregnancy and chlamydia results back, along with finding out if she ate some bad pork and has the swine flu.”

“The Bachelorette”

-Only a week away from Jillians premiere. The headshots and mini bios of the 30 guys are up now on ABC.com if you want to check them out. I hope a lot of you aren’t expecting what happened in Jason’s season is going to happen again. If you are, you’re going to be disappointed. Jillians season is just going to be like any other season, other than having 30 guys to choose from. Same one on one dates, same group dates, same cheesy lines, etc. Don’t think there’s going to be this crazy drama every season. This should go back to being its normal, standard show where a bunch of fake relationships are formed and Jillian chooses some guy in the end that she’ll eventually never get married to. The End. I find it comical that they’re centering the show around a chick from Canada, yet of the 30 guys they “cast”, not one of them is from Canada. Very realistic. Let’s just say, once again, that Texas represents well this season.

-I got quite a few emails in the last few days regarding the latest issue of “US Weekly” which alludes to a possible romance starting up again between Jeremy and DeAnna since they were both in Vegas a couple weekends ago and took some pictures together. Rather than speculate, I went straight to the source and tried getting a hold of Jeremy but he was out of town this weekend. I will let you know as soon as I find out anything. As far as I know, Jeremy and DeAnna are not together. What I do know is that he’s no longer with the Dallas Cowboy cheerleader he was dating, which is disappointing. I liked her. Those are my two cents. But hey, that’s their business, their relationship, and I don’t need to intervene. Whatever happened, happened. I don’t know the details other than they’re no longer together. I will try and find out what I can if there’s any truth the Jeremy/DeAnna rumors floating around.

So even though this column is being posted today, there still will be a “Reality Roundup” column on Friday. I know I took a while to explain my side at the beginning of this column, but hey, I’m wordy sometimes. Bottom line is you can disagree with my opinions all you want, but don’t accuse me of things that flat out aren’t true. And if you have a problem with me, or something I write, come to me directly. Email me at steve@realitysteve.com and I would be more than happy to answer any questions you may have. See you Wednesday.

Administrator Reality Roundup

Sorry, but I had other important matters to take care of the last couple days, so I will push back Reality Roundup until Monday. It’ll give me a chance to cover the “Celebrity Apprentice” finale, “DWTS”, the “Idol” results show and Paula’s embarrassing performance, “Survivor”, the “Hills”, the “Jon and Kate Plus 8″ news, in addition to the “Duel 2″, some questions regarding what’s going on with the site, the “Bachelorette”, and a couple other notes. Don’t forget, you can join me on Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, the “I Love Reality Steve” Group on Facebook all by navigating down the right hand column of this site. See you Monday.

Administrator Uncategorized

Big happenings in the “Idol” world this week starting with the stage coming crashing down on everyones head. Ok, so maybe that was an exaggeration, but the way Ryan made it out to seem, it was like a 9.0 earthquake rocked everyone’s world and people were running around with their heads chopped off. Bottom line is one of the stage hands took a giant tumble down the stairs (something I’m shocked Ryan hasn’t done yet during the open), and then one of the fixtures almost fell over, so rehearsals were cancelled. Good thing they don’t spend a lot of money on creating that set, or else we really could’ve had some problems. The set is really tricked out more so than in years past, and I guess this was bound to happen at some point. I just wish it would’ve happened to Paula. Awwwww, c’mon Steve. Don’t be so cruel. Ok, I apologize. Yeah, probably wasn’t nice since we’ve come to find out Paula, in the latest ever-so-popular “Ladies Home Journal” magazine, admits she was addicted to pain killers. No, really?

According to the interview, she admits to taking “heavy duty pain killers, though she never shot an Idol episode under the influence.” That’s laughable. So if the wild ass behavior we’ve seen in the past on “Idol” WASN’T when she was under the influence, I can only imagine what she’s like when she is. Yikes. Hide the women and children, people. And sharp objects. The interview also states that Paula wore “a patch that delivered a pain medication about 80 times more potent than morphine”, and this past Thanksgiving pretty much decided to stop being a pill popper and “went into a self-created rehab after 12 years of addiction to medication.” And oh yeah, she still hasn’t signed her contract for next season of “Idol” yet. My God, I don’t know if this interview could be any better. The only thing its missing is that she’ll be performing her new single on tonights results show. How are they gonna incorporate MC Skat Kat into the performance. I’m dying to know, really. I hope she lip synchs better than Jamie Foxx did.

I was a little curious last week when they announced that Slash would be this weeks mentor. What exactly would he be mentoring them in? Drug use? How to handle four groupies at a time? Hygiene? Weird dynamic having a guy who’s not even know for his singing helping contestants out on a singing show. How about next week they bring in the one armed drummer from Def Leppard to mentor? And another thing, has anyone ever seen Slash and Gene Simmons in the same room at the same time? Didn’t think so. I was waiting for Slash to stick out his long tongue at the end of every video piece. Easily the most head scratching mentor they’ve ever had on this show. Him mentoring is like having Paula Abdul be a judge of a singing competition. Woops. On to the performances.

Adam Lambert, “Whole Lotta Love”: The judges loved it, the fans loved it, and I thought it was the best performance of the night. But only be default since I don’t think any of the other three performed all that well. Plus, maybe Adam changed up a few things here and there, but everyone has always loved him for his originality and spins he puts on songs, well, during Rock N Roll week, there really wasn’t much of a spin he could so it just seemed like any other performance he’s done. Got his Axl Rose scream in a couple times, did his winking, got his quick head jerks in. Pretty much what he does on a weekly basis, but, didn’t sing out of tune, did flub any lines, and had a stage presence unlike any of the other three. So I don’t think anything Adam did tonight should be too surprising considering it was HIS week, Rock N Roll week. Did we really expect him not to be any good? He was good, just not great. He’s had better performances I thought. Why was Kara so excited? Getting out of her seat, pumping her fist. It was like she wanted to fight someone. I half expected her to start going, “Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!” like she was in the Arsenio Hall audience.

Allison Iraheta, “Crybaby”: She told us before she went on that she went to Adam Lamberts hair stylist this week. Ummmm, I didn’t notice anything different. Did I miss something? It was still red and it looked like rocker chick hair. The song did nothing for me since all she did was pretty much sing the word “Crybaby” over and over. Although Paula got in a great one tonight when she told her if they ever filmed a Janis Joplin biopic, Allison should already have the part. Huh? I’m guessing Allison Iraheta has zero chance to play Janis Joplin in any future biopic. Go back to the meds, Paula. Put the patch on again and shoot up medicine 80 times more potent than morphine before you speak. Then we’ll REALLY hear some loopy shi** coming from your mouth.

Kris Allen & Danny Gokey duet, “Renegade”: About an awkward a duet as you’ll ever see. Especially during Rock N Roll week. These two couldn’t have been any more out of their element if they tried. Some genres fit some singers best. Uhhhh, I’m guessing when this is all said and done, when you ask Danny and Kris what was their least favorite week, they’ll say Rock N Roll week. Those two performing “Renegade” was painful to watch. First off, there’s nothing renegade about either of those two guys as both will be putting out albums geared towards chicks. Secondly, there’s nothing “rocker” about either of these guys, and they tried way too hard. I do applaud them for at least trying, but man, what an awkward performance.

Kris Allen, “Come Together”: You knew it was gonna go bad for Kris when Randy’s critique was how much he was impressed with Kris’ guitar playing. Good. We’re glad Randy. However, this isn’t “Americas Got Talent” this is a singing competition and Kris didn’t look comfortable all night. Definitely in trouble tonight. Then again, he’s been in the bottom three a few times now and survived. Maybe he gets one more week. But since the Danny/Adam final seems like a foregone conclusion, I guess he doesn’t have much longer regardless.

Danny Gokey, “Dream On”: Completely not his style, tried way too hard, and the last note was so over-the-top and out of character for him, it was hard to watch. Of course, for all the Gokey haters out there who think he does the same thing every week, you have to give him credit for doing something different. But I think even Danny will see when he watches it back that the screaming at the end sounded awful. Like to the point where Maddie’s ears popped up and she started howling. Well, not really. She doesn’t howl. Or bark. She can lay down and sleep with the best of them though.

Adam Lambert & Allison Iraheta, “Slow Ride”: Well, not like it was going to take much to outperform the Danny/Kris duo, but they easily did. And of course, the judges gushed that they should do a duo together on their albums. Has that ever happened before? I can’t remember. I know a couple former “Idols” have collaborated on songs where one writes it and the other sings it, but have they actually sung a duet that was put on to one of their albums? Michael Johns and Carly Smithson did that duet earlier this season, but I don’t know if that was on his album or just released as a single. Either way, I guess that’s one that we can consider. Were there any others?

I want to mention something about Kara. She’s taken a lot of heat this season and there’s rumors floating around she won’t be back next season. I can assure you that decision has not been made yet, and according to Simon, he wants her back. Simon’s got a ton of pull obviously, so if he wants her back, I’m guessing she will be. Anyway, I thought she made a good point about Adam in a recent interview, and it’s pretty much what I’ve been trying to say about him all along. She just happened to express it better. I think this is the best way anyone has described Adam thus far. Here’s what she said:

“I really want to see him do something where his visual is also included. A lot of his star comes out when he is performing and he is looking at the audience. I am almost nervous that the medium of a record won’t be big enough for him.”

No one has ever doubted Adam’s star quality, but I think he is one performer who’s appeal is much more appreciated in person. Not that he won’t produce an album, but I said it a couple weeks ago, I think he’ll have a much longer career on Broadway or in theater than he will selling albums. Try not looking at the TV when Adam sings. You probably can’t because you actually want the visual of him singing too. If you turn away and don’t watch him, I think he’s good, but not great. His theatrics and performance kind of add to his voice. If its just his voice and Axl screaming, it just becomes a different performance overall.

Reality Steve’s Top Performance:

1. Adam Lambert

Reality Steve’s Bottom 3 Performances:

1. The rest of the group

Reality Steve’s Prediction of Who Will Get Eliminated: I’ll go with Kris this week since I think Simon was right when he said Allison might get saved by her duet with Adam. But then again, does it really matter? If Kris doesn’t go this week, he’s most likely gone next week. Now of course there are those who think since Danny butchered “Dream On” he’s leaving, but I highly doubt it. His fan base is too strong, as evidenced by never having been in the bottom three, to send him home on one bad performance. We’ve been saying it since the beginning of the season we’re headed for a Danny/Adam final and it looks like we’re only a couple weeks away.

A final note about a Danny/Adam final: In the same interview where Simon said he’d like Kara back for another season, he also stated that in a Danny/Adam final, he sees it right now as 55/45 in favor of Danny. This coming from a guy who basically has sung Adam’s praises since Day 1, continuously says he’s the top performer on a weekly basis, and knows that Adam is the most original contestant they’ve ever had. Simon has never once said a negative thing about Adam I don’t think. Yet, he’s saying that Danny would win in a final. I said it week 1, and I’ll say it again: Remember who votes on this show. Would I be shocked if Adam won? No. But I don’t think he will. Remember last years final where all three judges said Archuleta outsang Cook on all 3 songs? Yet who ended up winning? Simon even went as far as to say it was a “knockout” and wasn’t even close that Archuleta blew Cook away in the finals. Doesn’t mean anything though obviously since Cook won. I have a feeling the same thing will happen again in this years finals. I’m expecting Adam to blow everyone away, probably out sing Danny on at least two of the three songs, if not all of them, yet I think Danny will win.

Back Friday again with another “Reality Roundup.” I totally forgot to mention the “Jon & Kate Plus 8″ story last week, and now with the latest on these two, I will definitely not forget this week. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire and I’m not surprised in the least bit that Jon has a wandering eye. But jeez Jon, sunbathing in your front lawn with her? Might want to be a little less subtle. Once again, any questions, comments, emails, praises, criticisms, questions/concerns/queries for the next mailbag, send them all to steve@realitysteve.com. See you Friday.

Administrator American Idol 8

A lot of stuff to get to this week. Probably one of our bigger weeks in terms of content, so it’s possible I might spread this out over 2 weeks of columns. There’s “Celebrity Apprentice”, “DWTS”, “Survivor”, “Idol” results show, “The Hills”, “The Duel 2″, “The Cougar”, Heidi and Spencer news everywhere, not to mention the “Bachelor” Castaway weekend in Las Vegas, and a “Bachelorette” update on one of the men vying for Jillian’s heart. Before we get started, one quick note. I know a lot of you have mentioned how the comments section sometimes takes a while to load, and even after you hit submit it doesn’t appear right away. Yes, that does happen, but that has more to do with the website internally. Sometimes when I click on the comments it takes 20-30 seconds for it to load, sometimes it works right away. As for commenting itself, if you hit submit, then it went through. Might take a while to load and show up on the page, but it went through. It just looks bad when the exact same comment appears three times, and then a comment right after that giving your apologies for re-posting it just causes a little clutter. So please, one comment will do. This isn’t life or death. No need to apologize. Just don’t re-post please. Lets get started.

“Dancing With the Stars”

-Obviously the big story this week was Melissa being unable to compete. I think they need to do away with this “judging the rehearsal” thing. I don’t know, it just seems tacky. I can’t think of something better to do, I just know that’s not the solution. Maybe you just get eliminated if you can’t perform, period. The show must go on. Hell, that’s what Jewel seems to think as she pretty much dissed Melissa this week saying, “If you’re too hurt to compete, then you can’t compete.” Rawr. Cat fight. Ding ding ding. Wouldn’t mind seeing that. I’m sure they’ll look into it in the offseason, but judging those rehearsals is just dumb.

-One thing I noticed about Melissa and Tony’s rehearsal video, and you’ll be shocked to hear this coming from me I know, but it was Melissa’s boobs. Remember on the “Bachelor” she said she had a reduction and was once a 28FF? Gee, they must’ve really went in there with the vacuum and sucked it all out. She really seemed a lot bigger on the “Bachelor” than on “DWTS”. Ok, you got me. Yes, this is how I critique the female dancers. Or any female for that matter. Ha ha. Kidding. I think. I don’t really care all that much honestly, but for whatever reason, she looked much much smaller in the sport bra she wore during rehearsals than at any time in recent memory. Or in my dreams.

-Ok, I’m officially sick of Cheryl. Yet another pre-packaged video before her and Naked Guy’s dance, and there she is getting frustrated and just being a bitch during practice. It’s like clockwork every week now that she’s the one pro who has the pissiest attitude. I understand she wants to win, I understand she cracks the whip, and I understand she’s trying to get the most out of her partner, but no other pro acts like that in their video packages. In fact, none of them are close. Man, it seems like every practice session its that time of the month for her. It’s really gotten annoying. Especially when you watch all the other pros and how they deal with their partner. Obviously, she has her own style of teaching, and considering she’s a two-time winner, maybe I should shut up, but that would get on my nerves quick if she was constantly being like that to me.

-Chuck and Julianne are saying how great this experience was for their relationship now and its brought them even closer. Mark my words, these two are not going to last. You wanna know why? Because she is lightning years more famous and popular than him, and that dynamic has never worked out in Hollywood. When he’s part of some music festival in the sticks of Kentucky and she’s performing at the CMA’s, eventually, that’ll catch up to them. Nice guy, cute couple, but lets not get carried away thinking they’re going to be the next Hollywood power couple. He’s a no-name really. And once “DWTS” ends, Julianne will have plenty of opportunities to do other things. But hey, good luck you guys. Maybe I’ll run into you at Dave and Buster’s on your next date or something.

“‘American Idol’ Results Show’”

-Hey, how about that? Back on track with correctly predicting Matt going home. Not that it was all that difficult. Of course, the story of the night was people hyperventilating that Adam was in the final two. Really Adam fans? It bothered you that much? Ummmm, you need a life then. In case you haven’t noticed, we’re down to five people. Is it really that far fetched to think Adam couldn’t end up in the final two? You’re acting like he was told no one will ever produce an album for him and he’s been told to give up singing for a living. This show is voted on by pretty much a bunch of white, middle aged women and teenage girls. I don’t see what the shock is here. Especially with five people left. One is definitely the lowest vote getter, so that gives Adam a 25% chance of being in the bottom two. What’s so surprising? Nobody should be surprised about anything regarding this show from here on out. Except if Allison wins. That’s about the only thing that would surprise me at this point. Do I think Kris will win? No, I don’t. But if he did, it wouldn’t shock me to the point of some of the reactions I saw this week to Adam in the bottom two. Remember who’s voting, people.

-A Taylor Hicks sighting this week. Back making more music that has no “home” on the radio. Seriously, what station do you play Taylor’s music on? KIIS-FM, Top 40? No. Hard Rock? No. Classic Rock? No. Country? Love Songs? No. Alternative? No. R&B/Rap/Hip-Hop? No, no, no. Jazz? Maybe. If that’s the case, then there’s no wonder why his first album didn’t sell well. Lets face it, whoever wins “Idol” needs to get a lot of run on KIIS-FM/Top 40 type stations across America, or its not gonna sell. Period. Kelly Clarkson? Bingo. Reuben? Eh, not really. Fantasia? Did well for a little bit then tailored off. Carrie? Jackpot. Hit huge because you could play her music on Top 40 AND Country stations. Jordin? She’s done decent. Hey, at least she got to collaborate with Apollo Creed himself, Chris Brown. Nice career move, douche. David Cook? Another guy that can go Top 40 AND Soft Rock. Daughtry? More than one dimensional. That’s why I don’t think Adam would do well as the winner in terms of album sales. I can’t imagine he’d be putting out Top 40 type music like Clarkson and Underwood. Not sure. Time will tell.

-A great as Jamie Foxx was as a mentor to the kids this week, he was even better as a lip syncher on Wednesday night. Geez. Could that have been more obvious? When you’re voice is being synthesized, it’s pretty safe to assume you’re not singing live. Kinda brings me back to the whole Ashlee Simpson/Saturday Night Live debacle. Now, I’m not gonna sit here and defend Ashlee Simpson as a good singer because I find her rather average, but I never understood the whole crucifying of her because someone started the wrong vocal track. Hell, she never even started singing before they cut to commercial. Her band was playing one thing, and the recorded music was playing another. A LOT of vocalists sing over a voice track, so isn’t that a form of lip synching? Why did everyone come down on her for it? She’s not the first, and certainly isn’t the last. I remember the very next live show “SNL” did, Eminem was rapping over a voice track. The whole uproar over that never made any sense to me.

“Survivor”

-I love it when they do the challenge where they ask the contestants questions about other players in the game and you really find out who hates who. Of course, if you read Probst’s blog today, he hates that challenge and wishes it would go away. This week confirmed essentially what Tyson said in his exit interview last week (which the public obviously hasn’t seen), in that, Sierra was not very well liked out there and the editing is showing us a completely different person. The editing has pegged her as the underdog since Day 1 when she arrived sick, but Tyson said it, and now a lot of peoples answers last night confirmed it. She’s pretty much a bitch. It’ll be interesting to see if they come out and say it during the reunion show after the finale, which is always more entertaining than the finale itself. Sometimes its frustrating because rivalries you saw on the show, never pan out when it’s the live finale because they’ll say, “Yeah, I didn’t like him/her out there, but it’s all good. It’s just a game, and we were both competing. I said some things I shouldn’t have said. We’re cool now.” Something tells me Tyson won’t mince words when comes to Sierra and he will hate her til the day he dies.

-Another one of my favorite Probst-isms: After a team, or in last night’s case, Coach, Debbie, and Sierra didn’t win the reward, and neither went to Exile, Probst dumps salt on the wound with, “Guys, I got nothin’ for ya.” Really Jeff? And this whole time I thought maybe you’d surprise the losers with a feast to feed a small village. What a smug little prick he can be. Still the best reality game show host there is. No one is close.

-Coach was in rare Coach form during Tribal Council this week. Coach: “There are two things I hold most precious: Honesty, integrity, and courage.” Ummmm, that’s three Einstein. Once he and Deb ganged up on Sierra and claimed she was the one that approached them about reforming Timbira with Erinn to vote off Stephen, JT, and Taj, even I forgot what had happened earlier in the episode. I don’t remember who started it. Well, I rewound it after the show was over, and Sierra was the one telling the truth. With Stephen, JT, and Taj on their Reward Challenge, this is exactly what was said back at camp between Coach, Deb, and Sierra.

Coach: “With Erinn upset they sent her to Exile, if we’re gonna make a move, now is gonna be the chance.”
Deb: “Sierra, you would go with whatever Coach decided, wouldn’t you?”
Sierra: “I don’t know right now.”

So no doubt it was Coach and Deb’s idea since they were the ones who suffered the most from Tyson’s blindside last week. As I mentioned in last weeks column, there only chance to survive was to recruit former Timbira members, Sierra and Jenn, and have the 4-3 advantage, but that seemed impossible since I knew Sierra would be bitter at Coach for trying to vote her out last week. Which she gave him crap for last night basically saying, “You guys need my help now and why should I help you.” However, with all that said, I actually thought it was a genius move on Coach and Deb’s part to even bring up the fact it was Sierra’s idea to reform the old Timbira. Even though Stephen and JT seemed to believe Sierra over Coach, they still voted her out because of the drama she causes. And because apparently she wasn’t well liked out there at all. Whew. My head hurts.

-So last week I mention that the show is having us believing a Stephen, JT, Taj, and Erinn or Sierra final four, the fourth being whoever the Jalapao group decides to bring. Coach and Deb believe that their final four is them two along with Stephen and JT, who have told them as well that’s the the final four. And to back that up, at last nights vote, the 4 votes Sierra got were from Stephen, JT, Coach, and Deb. Taj voted for Deb, Sierra voted for Deb, and Erinn voted for Stephen for sending her to Exile. So going by that vote, you’d think the final four is Stephen, JT, Coach, and Deb. However, I think Stephen and JT were smart enough to tell Erinn and Taj, “Look, vote for whoever you want. We’ll let Coach and Deb vote with us to make them think they’re with us so we can blindside them at the next Tribal Council.” In fact, I’m positive that’s Stephen and JT’s strategy. Your final four is going to be Stephen, JT, Taj, and Erinn. Last nights vote out of Sierra was completely strategic on Stephen and JT’s part to let Coach and Deb continue to think they’re headed to the final four. I’m a genius, really.

“Heidi and Spencer”

-Amazing these two are getting their own “feature” in my column. So the marriage took place last weekend, and of course, Lauren showed up even though she denied she would for weeks leading up to it. Ummmm, this wedding episode is going to be this seasons finale. Lauren is leaving the show this season. Do we honestly think she wasn’t going to be a part of the major storyline in her last episode on the show? Probably the best news to come out of all this is that the show has been picked up for more episodes in the fall, with Brody, Audrina, Lo, Heidi, and Spencer being the focus now. Also, Kristin Cavallari was at the wedding and basically is going to come back to the show “replacing” Lauren. Awesome. So how’s that “other” career outside of “reality TV” working for you, Kristin? Or did MTV put an offer out you just couldn’t refuse? Kristin Cavallari returning to this MTV crap is hilarious on so many levels. Especially after she left “Laguna Beach” essentially vowing she was headed for bigger and better things in Hollywood and would never resort to coming back to such a show. Uh huh. Sure you wouldn’t. Everyone’s got a price, honey.

-Heidi is going to be on the cover of “Playboy” for their July/August issue and get a full spread inside. The only thing is, this is going to be one of those “tastefully” done shots and both of her lady parts will be covered up. Booooooooooooooo. So you’re doing “Playboy”, yet you’re going to cover yourself up? What the hell kind of B.S. is that? Why is “Playboy” even allowing this garbage? I hope their paying her like $100 for this spread. Here’s a rule I live by in life: If you’re gonna do “Playboy”, show us the goodies. No matter how fake they are. This just doesn’t make any sense. Especially when she paid top dollar for those implants. Say what you want about Heidi as a person, but her cans are pretty fabulous. These two are sucking every possible minute out of their 15 minutes. Especially more so since they’ve been officially cast now for “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!” airing this summer on NBC. God help us all. Hopefully that will be the beginning of the end of their marriage and by the finale of the “Hills” airing in the fall, they’ll be seeing a divorce lawyer.

“Bachelor” Castaway Weekend in Vegas

-In case you didn’t hear, Jesse Csincsak arranged for a weekend in Vegas for all former contestants on the show who were booted off. From what I hear, no “stars” of the show were technically supposed to be there. Meaning, if you were ever one of the “Bachelors” or “Bachelorettes”, you weren’t invited. This was only for people who were booted off. Which is pretty ironic since, well, Jesse was never booted off. He was chosen as the final one in DeAnna’s season, so technically, he shouldn’t have been at his own event. Bygones I guess. So needless to say, apparently it got a little tense when not only did DeAnna show up, she showed up with Holly in tow. So his ex-fiancee and most recent ex-girlfriend are now BFF’s. What does Jesse think of it? Skip ahead to 1:26 of the video for his answer:

-There are plenty of pictures on facebook pages, or www.jessecsincsak.com if you want to look at who went, who looked like they hooked up, and who looked best in a bikini. Was I invited? Indirectly. Did I go? No. I’m sure all these people would’ve acted like saints around me knowing I’d be blabbing about everything I saw if I did go. But from what I’ve gathered in conversing with a few people, there really wasn’t any earth shattering news to come out of the weekend. The Holly/DeAnna BFF thing is probably the most scandalous to report, but that pretty much only affects Jesse. And what should he really care since he had some playmate on his arm all weekend. As for other hookups, I’m sure there were plenty. I just don’t know details and exactly who was with who. I’ve heard things, but nothing major.

“The Bachelorette”

-So do I spoil who one of the final four guys is, or do I wait? I think I’ll wait a little bit on this one, but just know one of the final four guys is definitely NOT there because he wants a relationship with Jillian. I know, crazy huh? Someone actually going on the show to further their career. Amazing. Mark my word. You’ll probably understand why once the show starts. Also, if any of you follow Chris Harrison on Twitter, you’ll notice he twittered, or tweeted, or whatever the hell you call it, last night about the show. Here’s what he wrote:

“Jilli isn’t as crazy as she thinks she is. I need a charcoal shirt.”

Do with that what you will. I don’t really know what it means. Could have a few different meanings if you ask me. So if all of you want to bug him and reply back, be my guest. Not my job to question the almighty Chris Harrison. It’s Chris Harrison’s world, he’s just letting us all live in it.

Ok, I’m tired. I know I said I’d get to “The Hills”, and the “Duel 2″, and the “Cougar”, but I want to go to bed. Long day tomorrow and Maddie is calling for me. I think. Anyway, any questions, comments, emails, praises, criticisms, queries, send them to steve@realitysteve.com. Until next week.

Administrator Reality Roundup