Posts filed under 'Reality Roundup'
-Well, it’s a new year, so I figured it’s time to write again. And since, you know, I haven’t written a “Reality Roundup” in 6 months, I figured, “What the hell? Give the little kiddies something to enjoy.” Yes, I called you all “kiddies”. I have no idea why. I apologize. What would you rather be called? I’m taking suggestions. So I figured since with the Writers Strike going on, and we’re about to be inundated with reality shows, I should probably begin covering them again on a semi-regular basis. Plus, we need to talk about the brilliance of “Newport Harbor: Home for the Holidays”, which just ended up its 4 episode run and restored my faith in a franchise that was fading. The “Real Worlds” most controversial season ends next week, and I definitely have a few takes on that. Plus, the abortion known as “Celebrity Apprentice” graced our television set last night, and needless to say, it was crap. So crappy, I’m going to watch every episode. Can’t help it. But before we begin, a few notes.
-As for the “Bachelor”, here’s what I know about the future of the show. The next season begins March 17th, and I believe either just began filming, or is beginning filming any day now. I do not know who the Bachelor is, although if I tried hard enough, I could probably find out. Last I heard, they’d narrowed it down to three guys - none of which I know. However, this came from a little birdie: After this seasons Bachelor wraps up filming, they will immediately begin on a 4th installment of the “Bachelorette”. And from what I hear, it will be different from the first three in that the Bachelorette will not be a former contestant like Trista, Meredith, and Jen were. It’s going to be a B-list celebrity. That’s what I know so far, so take it for what its worth. If I find out anything else, I’ll let you know if I can.
-The only new reality show to just begin was “Celebrity Apprentice.” However, get ready for an influx of shows to begin within the next month. For those unclear about what shows are starting when, here is the list of them that I will be watching and covering.
Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann - Mon. Jan. 7th
Celebrity Rehab w/ Dr. Drew - Thurs. Jan 10th VH1
Rock of Love 2 - Sun. Jan. 13th VH1
Scott Baio is 46…And Pregnant - Sun. Jan. 13th VH1
(For the record, will there be a better Sunday night doubleheader in TV history than those two beginning next week? Yeah, didn’t think so)
American Idol - Tues. Jan. 15 & Wed. Jan. 16th
Gauntlet 3 - Wed. Jan. 23rd MTV
Survivor: Micronesia - Fans vs. Favorites - Thurs. Feb. 7th
And then aaaallllllll the way on March 17th (the same night as the Bachelor), Dancing with the Stars begins again.
There are plenty of other reality shows beginning in the next month that maybe you watch which I don’t. If you want a list of them, go to this link:
http://www.realityblurred.com/realitytv/archives/schedules/2007_Nov_30_winter_2007_2008
-I didn’t watch “A Shot at Love” with Tila the Whore, but I was very familiar with exactly what went on, and read all the reports how she’s not really bi, has had a boyfriend for 5 years, how she acted like a complete diva on the set and was a train wreck to work with. Well, when I saw the final ratings numbers for the show I pretty much knew where this show was headed….for a second season. And sure enough, just to drive the dagger in a little deeper to that pipsqueak she actually chose, she announced on her hosting gig on New Year’s Eve, that she was single and that Bobby had broken up with her because of her “hectic work schedule”. Huh? She works? Being a MySpace hooker constitutes a job nowadays? I didn’t know that. Of course, this was all news to Bobby who said that since the finale finished taping, he hadn’t spoken to Tila once, and the producers wouldn’t give him her number. So yet another example for all those out there who think this tramp is actually looking for a partner on television, ummmm, she’s not. Maybe another disease, but not another partner. And could someone please tell me how that asexual chick made it to the final two. She looked like Hillary Swank’s character in “Boys Don’t Cry”. You’d think Tila would be into the lipstick lesbians. Ummmm…not quite. That “shim” was hideous.
-As for “Survivor: Micronesia”, the cast of returning All Stars has been revealed. It’s going to be 10 former players vs. 10 new players, all of whom are big fans of the show. Definitely an interesting mix of “All Stars” that they brought back. I mean, remember, the first “All-Star” edition had 4 former winners on the show, and some of the all-time most memorable players the game had ever seen. This one? Ummm, not so much. Unless Jonathon from “Survivor: Cook Islands” gets your blood boiling. They are all recognizable players from seasons past - Yau Man, Ozzy, and James and Amanda from this past season - but no one that really gets you going “Wow! They’re back!” Well, maybe except one. Johnny Fairplay. But even he isn’t a big deal, because we’ve seen that guy whore himself out on numerous other reality shows since Survivor. And get back flipped off Danny Bonaduce’s back at that one awards show. I don’t know. I’m definitely looking forward to it, but there’s no doubt it’ll have a different feel than the first All-Stars season, which was strictly just a game of former players going against each other.
CELEBRITY APPRENTICE
-I was really going to come on here and just annihilate this show for being so horrible, and how can anyone watch this anymore, that the Donald has turned into a character of himself, that these are the 14 most C-list celebrities you could’ve possibly come up with……and then I saw the ratings came out. 11 million people watched. 11 MILLION! Are you kidding me? I guess it’s time for me to make a plea to the other 10,999,999 people who watched along with me: Ask yourself at what point your life passed you by. Hey, at least I can come to grips with that fact, since it happened a while ago for me. Probably the time I started writing a blog recapping EVERY SINGLE EPISODE of the “Bachelor”. Lord, shoot me. But what’s your excuse people?
-I mean, these are the “14 of the most sucessful celebrities” in America? Marilu Henner? She was on “Taxi”, right? And that was in the 1970’s, correct? Ok, just checking. Stephen Baldwin? He’s not even the most sucessful Baldwin brother. Nadia Comenici? A Russian gymnast back in the 70’s is a successful celebrity in America in 2008? Really? I could go on, but you get my point. And the funniest thing about the whole thing is, Trump went on his media tour promoting the show, and was telling everyone who’ll listen how many celebrities he had to TURN DOWN that wanted to be on the show. Uhhh, sure you did, Donald. If these are the “elite” 14, I can only imagine who didn’t make the cut. Did the voice of “Alf” not quite have what it takes? How close was the black guy who makes noises from “Police Academy” to making it? And how can a “Celebrity Apprentice” be a “Celebrity Apprentice” without the Dad from “Silver Spoons?”
-I wonder if the Donald paid for Omarosa’s boob job? Holy crap. Yeah, she’s totally in this for charity. This has nothing to do with promoting herself. Not a chance. She’s such a grounded, strong, hard working woman that is totally above self promotion. Give me Jenni Finch for 60 minutes, and that’s the only way I’ll be happy with this show. Especially since the Playboy chick with the giant cans is gone now. What was that all about? Donald says, “We just let the nicest person in the competition go. But since she didn’t prostitute Hugh Hefner out for a $10 grand donation, she has no business being on our show.” I know they’re going to talk all season about how much money they’ve raised for charity, but the challenges basically become a moot point, since based off the premiere, it’s all about who can get their richest friends to donate the most. Great show.
-Selling hot dogs in New York City? That’s the best we could come up with in the premiere episode? How insulting. Just think if you’re the dirty old man down the street in NYC, whose job is to wake up every day, brush your twelve teeth, not put on your deodorant, and try and make a hard earned buck with your hot dog vending business on the streets of downtown. Your day is going well, people are buying from you, and all the sudden, these pretentious a-holes show up and completely upstage you by getting their rich friends to pay 10 G’s for a bottled water and undercooked dog? I bet you feel real good about yourself.
DANCE WAR: BRUNO VS. CARRIE ANN
-As much as I enjoy “Dancing with the Stars”, this show has the “Apprentice: Martha Stewart” edition written all over it. I think this might be overkill. I’m going to give it a chance and see what it has to offer, but I can see what ABC is doing here. It’s like when they put “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” on every night of the week and destroyed the franchise. I wonder if this is a genius move to generate more viewers, or will end up hurting “Dancing with the Stars”. I guess with the Writers Strike, it’s pretty much something they’re forced to do though. So maybe I’m being harsh and they have no choice.
-Lets face it, no matter what, the show wont draw the ratings that Dancing with the Stars does. Impossible. And there’s one giant reason for that: Bruno is a main character. Bruno is a cartoon character, he’s tolerable in doses, but someone seems to think he could easily be the focus of a show. And I couldn’t disagree more. Have him on “Dancing” with his scripted one-liners, have him pretend to pick fights with Len, and let him scream out “10!” while he shoots his left arm up in the air….just don’t give him his own show. Even if you’re coupling him with that cougar Carrie Ann.
CELEBRITY REHAB WITH DR. DREW
-Really all you need to know about this show is it follows the lives of nine different “celebrities” that are going through drug rehab. And what a impressive list of nine train wrecks this is:
Jamiee Foxworth - “Family Matters”. Shouldn’t Urkel be the one on this show trying to rehab his career?
Seth “Shifty” Binzer - lead singer of “Crazytown”. Can’t say I’m the least bit surprised to learn the lead singer of something called “Crazytown” is a drug addict.
Ricco Rodriguez - former UFC Heavyweight champion. I have no idea who this guy is.
Daniel Baldwin - ummm, one of the Baldwin brothers. I think the Baldwin brothers, sans Alex, should all just have their own reality show talking about how they’re gravytraining off their only successful brother.
Brigette Nielson - dumpster for Flava Flav and Sylvester Stallone. She’s a giant, sloppy mess. And I can’t wait to see her fall off the wagon.
Chyna - the chick with the penis that used to wrestle. She’s an embarrassment. Hence another reason I’ll be watching.
SCOTT BAIO IS 46…AND PREGNANT
-Probably the surprise reality show of last season for me. I never thought I’d have as much interest in Charles as I would, but I found this show to be hilarious and actually somewhat depressing last season. I mean, this guy actually was struggling with whether or not he wanted to continue bedding a bunch of hot women in Hollywood or settle down. Notice how it was never revealed last season whether or not Scott Baio actually still had a penis? Coincidence? I think not. My guess is “no”.
-So this season we get to see his wedding which took place in December, and the birth of his daughter. Now, didn’t this whole thing just work out too conveniently for VH1? I mean, c’mon. Maybe he really did decide he wanted to settle down. And maybe he really did want to have a family. But it’s hilarious how he came to the decision to stay with his girlfriend DURING THE SEASON 1 FINALE, and whaddya’ know, she’s pregnant too! Well, well, well. What a perfect set up for a 2nd season! Imagine that? And perfect timing that they have the wedding and the birth of the child for season 2 as well. No, this show isn’t scripted at all.
ROCK OF LOVE 2
-I can only imagine what the skank level on the show this season will be considering what we got in season 1. I’m sure it’s off the charts. I think it was probably a pre-requisite that you had an STD before you could even consider sending in an application. And don’t be surprised if we get a visit from Heather and Lacey again, I’m sure that’s in store. Jess? Not so much. She seemed to enjoy her time on that show about as much as Britney likes spending time with her kids. Locked up in a bathroom with police beating down the door. And drugged out. Supposedly.
-Seriously, as long as Brett Michaeld DOESN’T end up staying with one of these prostitutes in the end, why would they possibly not continue to have seasons of it? Just like “Shot at Diseases with Tila Tequila”, and “Flavor of Love”, and “I Love New York”, these producers are BEGGING for it not to work out so they can do another season. Let me ask you this, did you ever stop for more than 5 seconds when you passed VH1 flipping channels before these shows started? Didn’t think so. It’s genius programming really. I had no idea VH1 was still a channel until these shows started. I thought they were still playing “Right Here Waiting” videos by Richard Marx.
-I can’t imagine what “challenges they have in store for us this season. Seriously, is there any possible way that they’re gonna beat a phone sex challenge? “All right ladies, let’s see who gets Brett’s blood flowing down there the most. Ready….Go!” I still can’t believe I saw that. I mean, hey, if phone sex is your thing, have at it. I’m sure it’s a turn on for some out there. Of course, yours truly would never partake in such a matter. But I know there are those out there that do. And to you I say, “Bravo! You go with your sexuality.” But do you really need to do it on a reality show watched by millions of people? Seems rather embarrassing. I’m guessing it’s something you do in private, under your covers late at night, with your man miles away, panting away….and…ummmm….anyway, let’s move on.
NEWPORT HARBOR: HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS
-You know what? Maybe I’m just an idiot, and it’ll sound funny coming from the guy who’s told you what not to like about reality TV shows, but I honestly think that Chrissy and Clay are one of the more genuine couples we’ve ever seen on these lame high school shows, and I hope they stay together. There. I said it. I thought that was a really cool ending in the “finale”. Kinda shocked she gave up on Santa Barbara after a semester for what seems like just wanting to be closer to Clay (that’s dangerous territory she’s getting into - just ask Kylie and Chase), but I actually don’t cringe anymore when I watch those two together. I like them. Whether or not they’ll last is a whole different story because we gotta remember, they’re still teenagers, but I’m rooting for them. I’m gonna go put my tampon in now.
-The funny thing is, I’m as guilty as the next person, when this show first started, I was immediately looking for who the player was, and Clay was the guy I had pegged. I was just waiting for him to turn into a Jason Wahler and start boinking every chick in the Harbor. So good for him. Actually a guy you can get behind on that show. Is it a mancrush? No. But I definitely like that guy a lot more than past douchebags they’ve had on this show. He and Grant are both likable. Hey, guys wanna go grab a bite? Maybe do some surfing? Dude, I’ll use my ID to score us some brews. Ummm, did I just ask a couple teenagers if I could hang out with them? I’m a loser.
-Nice to see that Allie’s parents built a house the size of Hearst Castle. You know, I found it odd last season when Allie booked her own summer trip to Europe on her parents credit card and they really didn’t flip out on her like normal parents would. Until now. I mean, I saw their house now and realized a European vacation on their credit card bill might look like an order of Macaroni Grill does on mine. Like it even made a dent in their bank account. I just have one question about Allie: Will her little troll friend be attached at her when she gets married too? That relationship is getting a little scary.
-Good to see Chase’s decision to move to San Diego to be closer to that hottie Kylie is really looking like it’s gonna pan out…..for her. That chick is like a dude. She’s gonna have her cake and eat it too. She suckered this boy in to wanting to move to Santa Barbara to be closer to her, then when he actually does, they’re going to encounter nothing but problems. She’ll be standoff-ish, he’ll be like, “What’s wrong?”, she’ll be like, “You’re smothering me”, they’ll get in a few wicked fights, and before you know it, Chase will be back in Newport wishing he didn’t let that little nugget Taylor get away. But she’ll be all up in some else’s drawers, Chase will have no choice but to be lonely flogging his dolphin on a nightly basis. The End. I wrote that so the high school crowd could appreciate it. Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waitress.
-I’m gonna wait until I see the finale of “RW: Sydney” to write about my thoughts this season. And boy, are there plenty. How Noireen is probably the hottest girlfriend any male castmember has ever picked up on that show, the depatures of Trisha and Shauvon and her cans, Isaac immediately becoming everyone’s favorite RW member in the history of the show, Kelly Anne and Cohutta’s condom escapade, and the enigma that’s known as Parisa. I’ve never gone back and forth on someone so much in the history of this show as I do with Parisa. Sometimes I want to tell her to shut the f*** up, and sometimes I just want to lay pipe to her. So check back soon to find out my answer. Until next time….
January 4th, 2008
It’s been a couple weeks, and I never even covered the “Age of Love” finale, so I’ll get to that first. My TiVo is overflowing with shows right now, so pardon me if I don’t get to everything. And you think the summertime is where not a lot of television is going on. Not anymore. Every time I look, a new show is starting up that I want to check out. It’s really getting annoying. I mean, how is one supposed to juggle ten women at a time with all my shows going on? And by “ten women”, I mean “none at all”. So now it makes more sense. However, if by the small miracle ten women did appear in my life, they’d still have to deal with me watching my shows. Sorry ladies. Those are the rules. So with that temptation, take a number and get in line.
AGE OF LOVE
-Can’t really say any of us were surprised by the outcome, were we? No matter how much they wanted to make you think it was Jen during the finale, it was pretty obvious Amanda was going to win this thing. Let’s be honest, deep down, you didn’t really think he was going to choose someone who was 18 years older than him with a son who was 5 years younger than him, did you? Me neither. He liked Amanda from the beginning, she was the right age for him, they seemed to get along, and, as fake as they are, she had great cans. Match made in heaven if you ask me. One thing I enjoyed about the finale was how they tricked out that final scene when he told Jen to beat it. That was an interesting touch where they kept going back and forth real quick and you never really knew who he was saying what to. All part of their plan to continue to make us think he’d pick Jen. Didn’t work, JD Roth. We’re onto you.
-I wonder how disappointed the producers and NBC were with the outcome? Not necessarily because he picked Amanda over Jen, but what Jen’s reaction was afterwards. NBC had been pitching this show since the very beginning as a “social experiment that asks the question, ‘Does age really matter?’”. Well, did you hear what Jen said after she got sent packing? It was basically, “If I were younger, Mark would’ve picked me.” Oops. Gee, I guess age does matter then. So much for that experiment. Glad that worked out for ya’. They could doll the show up as much as they wanted, but in the end, Mark chose the younger piece of ass over the former Playboy model.
-Yes, that’s right. Our very own Jen Braff used to be in Playboy. I must apologize for not doing my homework and not finding this out until after the show had aired. How stupid of me. Yep, Playboy. And Hawaiian Tropic model. And numerous other modeling jobs where she didn’t have her shirt on and covered up her girls with her arms. Don’t believe me? Head on over to www.jenniferbraff.com. You’ll see. But seriously, should any of us be surprised by this? She works for the owner of the Lakers (a fixture at the Playboy mansion), she’s got an incredible body, she’s attractive, and she’s just about the best looking 48 year old woman I’ve ever seen. I would’ve been disappointed if she was never in Playboy. Now my goal is to go find out which issue she was in so I can read the articles.
-The Playboy thing all made sense to me after watching the finale. Jen definitely never hid her sexuality all season, but for her to let Mark in on how many times in a row she reached the Big O in one night during their gondola ride, well, let’s just say that seemed a little out of character. “So yeah, I really like you, I love spending time with you, this has been an amazing journey, and by the way, I once climaxed 10 times in one night. Pick me.” Ahhh, those Playboy playmates. Just oozing with class I tell ya’. Where the hell did that come from? Who offers that information like that? Man, the producers must’ve really gotten in her ear and told her to say something naughty so Mark picks her. She does, and she still gets the boot. I wonder how her 25 year old son feels about watching his mother on dating show telling some scrubby tennis playing stranger how much she likes to get off? Bizarre. I’m sure his friends haven’t given him crap for that. Of course, I’m also sure that his friends enjoyed the hell out of it since they all want to doink her.
-Will Mark and Amanda last? Probably not. She comes across as a little too star struck, and he comes across as a no personality dweeb that likes chasing tail. Since it was a social experiment, I was beginning to wonder if Mark learned anything through this journey. And then in the finale, he told us he did when he said, “We have a saying in Australia, ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover’”. Wow. How deep. Those Australians sure are quite the philosophers, aren’t they? Don’t judge a book by its cover? I think I remember hearing that phrase for the first time in about 3rd grade. So Mark will never again judge a book by its cover. That’s good to know. Yet he still picked the 25 year old with the fake melons. Television is the greatest.
AMERICA’S GOT TALENT
-I’ve actually gotten a little more interested after they weeded out that Fake Shakira crap and the Unibrow dude who danced like a freak. So we’re down to the ventriloquist, Butterscotch, Cas Haley, and the little girl. If I had to guess, I’d say either Butterscotch or the ventriloquist will win, just because they both do something unique. Butterscotch might have trouble winning since we just saw a beat boxer on “Idol” this year, so although its original, it’s still fresh in people’s minds. Not only have I not seen a ventriloquist as good as that guy, but he sings and does impressions? Who else does that? I’ve never been a big fan of dudes who’s act revolves around shoving their hand up the backside of some fluffy sock, but I’ll give it up to him and say he’s talented. I hope he wins.
THE SINGING BEE
-Is there a problem with me enjoying the hell out of this show? I don’t know what it is. Is it the little dancers in the skimpy bee outfits that add absolutely nothing to the show? Is it Joey Fatone trying to act as cheesy as humanly possible? Is it the fact that every contestant who makes it up on stage has White Man’s Disease when it comes to dancing? Is it the fact that they sing, “It’s the Final Countdown!” before the last round? The list goes on. All I know is that when you wrap that altogether, you get a show that I can’t keep my eyes off of. Brilliance. And yes, like I predicted, it’s already been picked up for the fall season and will be on twice a week. It’s the new “Deal or No Deal”. But only 1,000 times better and worse at the same time.
Things I’ve noticed about this show:
-Have you noticed that in every episode, there’s at least one female contestant who’s very, shall we say, “juggy”? Yeah, me too. Never fails.
-That when Joey Fatone goes into the audience to get the six contestants, no matter how bad or good they are, they make it on stage. Probably the editing here, but please, some of those people only have to utter about 3 words, and they make it on stage.
-That the words to the song in the beginning of the show that gets the contestants on stage is scrolling above where the singers and dancers are. So basically you have to be a single digit IQ’er to not make it up there.
-The singers they use are looking at the words as well when they sing. There’s a little screen in front of them they’re always glancing down at. So you expect these contestants to know all the words when you’re singers don’t? Sounds fair.
-In the final round, if it’s come down the 7th and final song, every one that has gotten that far has gotten it right and won the $50,000. Probably because that’s always the easiest song of the seven.
-Some of the contestants take this show waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too seriously. And I’m convinced that every person who is in the audience participating in this show is forced to drink a case of Red Bull before the show starts. There’s no way everyone in attendance can be that happy all the time.
APPRENTICE
-Yes, the “Apprentice”. I know this show is probably the furthest thing from your mind right now, and it should be since the last 2 or 3 seasons of this show have sucked. But after this morning’s latest rumor from New York’s Page Six, I think it’s safe to say if they’re able to pull this off, this might be the greatest TV show ever. NBC hasn’t announced when the next edition of the “Apprentice” will air, but we do know that it’ll be a “celebrity” edition. And I use the term “celebrity” very loosely. These “celebrities” won’t be competing for a job under Trump, but for a charity of their choice. Here’s who is already confirmed for the show:
Jim Cramer - that wacky, screaming money guy on television
Carmen Electra - the hottie who was in my dream last night
Joan Rivers - the old prune with the stretched face
Naomi Judd - is this the fat one?
George Foreman - there is nothing he won’t do to get in front of the camera
Omarosa - from Season 1 and resident beyotch
Kimora Lee Simmons - Russell Simmons’ ex wife
Pete Rose - the greatest con artist in sports history
Danica Patrick - IRL racing’s little hot nugget
Tony Hawk - he rides skateboards and stuff
Jeff Gordon - Jeff Gordon? Doesn’t he have a weekly job he has to do?
So it’s an interesting cast to say the least. But here’s the kicker that Page Six is reporting: The Donald is currently in negotiations with Britney, Paris, and Lindsay. Are you f***ing kidding me? Say what you want about the “Apprentice” as a show, but if the Donald is able to somehow rope Britney, Paris, and Lindsay onto the same reality show, the earth might explode. Let’s pray this comes about. This could easily shatter ratings records. So a little note to Britney, Paris, and Lindsay, courtesy of Reality Steve:
Ladies,
I’ve never asked much of you, other than to quit giving fellatio on camera, or putting on 50 lbs and dropping your children, or wearing your friends jeans that have grams of coke in them. But if any of you want to earn your reputations back, here is your chance. You must appear on this show. All together. And share a room. Even a bed if you’d like. Make this happen for the sake of all humanity.
Sincerely,
Reality Steve
ROCK OF LOVE
-You know what the funniest thing is about this show? Other than the fact that an STD test apparently wasn’t part of the screening process. That Brett Michaels is doing is damndest to convince us that he’s really looking for love. Really Brett? Out of this group of ladies? And by “ladies”, I mean “whores”. There isn’t a single female left on that show I’m convinced wouldn’t take off all her clothes for $10. And Heather would probably pay you so she could strip. I don’t think the words “bra” or “panties” are in her vocabulary. Not only is Brett trying to convince us he’s looking for love, but even Sam is too. She even said in one episode, “I’m not here to get off, I’m here to find a relationship.” Well, wrong show honey. Go hump Scott Baio. Or maybe the new Bachelor wants a pale, tatted up chick with emotional issues. But if you’re not there to get Brett off, then you certainly don’t need to hang around much longer.
-In case anyone hasn’t noticed, Brett likes to have sex with women. And multiple women at the same time if he can. You know, like the night he had the foursome with Lacey, Brandi, and Heather. I have it on good authority that those bed sheets are now carrying the ebola virus. They’ve been sent off to Washington D.C. for lab studies. It’s really amazing that a lot of these girls actually want to win this thing and be Brett’s play toy. Isn’t it funny to hear some of them say, “Yeah, she’s too insecure. She’s not going to be able to deal with Brett’s womanizing and partying ways.” So they actually have no problem with the fact that Brett will continue to tour 6-9 months out of the year, continue to sleep with numerous women, and continue to drink until his liver is the size of an M&M? This doesn’t bother them at all? If I brought any of these chicks home to my parents, I think they would disown me. Except maybe Mia. We don’t know much about her, but compared to everyone else, she’s like the Virgin Mary.
-It must’ve been extremely hard for Brett to send home Magdelena last night. They had built such a strong, physical and emotional connection, it makes you think that maybe he made a giant mistake. Maybe she didn’t open up her heart to him as much as she should’ve, but does that mean it was time for her to go? Maybe Brett was being fed false information from the two conniving witches, Lacey and Heather? Maybe Magdelena was too tall for him and he only likes dating shorter women? I don’t know. I’m so confused. I just didn’t see that one coming. Although maybe, just maybe, Brett couldn’t deal with the fact that Magdelena was a dude. That could be it too.
-You know who else I was disappointed to see leave us? Rodeo. Boy, she sure was a bundle of fun. Dressed like a hooker, had the worst smokers laugh I’d ever heard, and had biceps that rivaled Jessica Biel’s now. Look, I’m definitely on Team Jessica, and I’m all for a chick who takes care of herself and goes to the gym, but Jessica, ease up on the bicep curls. I’m getting scared. Back to Rodeo, did anyone else find it odd that she was crying hysterically (which was pretty much every episode), because she didn’t get to go on her “dream date and ride horses with Brett?” That was your dream date with Brett? Don’t set your expectations too high now sweetie. Wouldn’t want you to be disappointed. Now go home to your son and explain to him how mommy just made an ass of herself on TV.
-Never have I been more excited about a cameo appearance than I was by Richard Blade showing up a couple weeks ago to help judge that god awful singing competition they had. We all remember Richard Blade, don’t we? For fear of exposing myself as a fan of yet another 80’s teen chick movie, Richard was DTV’s DJ in “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”. Hey, I have an older sister, all right. She watched it religiously. C’mon now. Everyone in unison, let’s all say his famous line: “Now where is that Rickey?” Oh God. Next thing you know, I’ll try and play “Tune in Tokyo” on my next date.
-Is it just me, or does every Brett Michaels song released after 1990 all sound like “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn”? I know every slow song he’s tried to play on this show sure does. And now that I’ve mentioned “Every Rose Has Its Thorn”, I know that everyone reading this column who’s at least 27 or 28 years old, probably has a coinciding story to go along with that song. Like the time you couples skated for the first time with a boy. Or the time when your boyfriend made you a slow song tape and that was the first song on Side 1. Or the time you were making out in the backseat of your car at the park while it was on, and the police showed up shining their flashlight on you right as you were…..never mind.
SCOTT BAIO IS 45.…AND SINGLE
-As much as I applaud Scott Baio for trying to do something that might change his womanizing ways, I can’t help but think he might not be doing a lot of this for the camera. I guess we won’t find out until he proposes, or doesn’t propose, to his girlfriend, but it seems like you’re asking an awful lot of the guy to cut all his ties with ex’s, dump his best friend, and decide whether or not he wants to get married in 8 weeks. Sure, he’s been dragging his feet for the last 45 years, but hey, maybe he’s a procrastinator. Maybe the guy has done a complete 180 and is ready to marry his girlfriend, but he’s admitted to cheating on every girlfriend he’s ever had. If you were his girlfriend, wouldn’t you be just a little bit skeptical of thinking you’re the one who’s going to change him? She either has a high opinion of herself, or she’s delusional. Or both. Honey, Scott cheated on Pamela Anderson. And Heather Locklear. Something tells me he might have a fling or ten when he’s with you. Just a hunch.
-I’m surprised it took Doc Ali to convince Scott that he needed to rid himself of Johnny V as a friend. A typical case of a hanger-on. Like that guy would be friends with Scott Baio if his name wasn’t Scott Baio. And by the way, if I’m 50 years old acting like that, feel free to throw me into counseling as well. What a loser. When you’re 50, you shouldn’t be mud wrestling with girls who could be your daughters. As much as you want to pretend you’re still in your 20’s, you’re not. Get a grip, JV. You’re a middle aged man with nothing going for him other than you know Scott Baio. Quit trying to chase young skirt all the time and get a job. Maybe he has one, I don’t know. Maybe you can learn something from hanging out with Wayne from the “Wonder Years”. He’s married with kids and doesn’t act like a douche.
REAL WORLD: SYDNEY
-Since there’s only been two episodes, let me just give you my impression of the castmates:
Isaac: Will screw anything with a pulse. At some point this season, he’ll go on a drunken tirade and make one of the girls cry. Probably the most likely cast member to get in a fist fight, get arrested, or both. Prime candidate for a domestic violence charge against him in the future.
Dunbar: The southern dude with the muscles and the girlfriend back home that’ll eventually hop in Kelly Anne’s pants because he can’t control himself. Or, he’ll just be kind enough to break up with girlfriend over the phone, just in time for Kelly Anne to give him a naked lap dance.
Cohutta: I think he’s still in awe of the running water that they have in the house. And the electricity. And the fact that there are no horse and buggys showing them around town. Plus, the idea of hooking up with a female who isn’t his cousin excites him to no end. He will be fun to watch.
Kelly Anne: Hottie. And a c*** tease. Those types usually make for good television. Any female who has no regard for the fact that a guy has a girlfriend, usually is setting herself up for some major drama. Will hook up with more than 3 guys while in Australia.
Trisha: Hottie. And has bad highlights. Honestly, I’m still having trouble telling Trisha and Shauvon apart. Shauvon’s got the much bigger rack, but when these two are talking to each other, it’s like they’re standing in front of a mirror. They look the same, they dress the same, their hair is the same, and they’ll probably be hooking up with the same guys.
Shauvon: Hottie. And just left her fiancee, so she is most definitely on the prowl. As evidenced by the tongue fight her and Isaac got into on the first day. I have a feeling that Shauvon’s giant breasts will play a major role this season. Call me crazy. And she will hook up with just about anything that Australia has to offer.
Parisa: I’m intrigued by her. She will definitely piss off everyone in the house at some point, yet you know in the end, she will be everyone’s friend, and will be the girl who “learned so much from this experience.” Count on it.
NEWPORT HARBOR
-Yet another show that’s only one episode in, so there isn’t too much to talk about just yet. However, this might be the first of these seasons where someone’s parents play a huge role in what happens. I mean, are you kidding me? Tell me Chrissy’s parents didn’t call her 8 different times during the first episode? I understand when you’re in high school, your parents are strict, but that was ridiculous. Those parents should be sent away and Chrissy should be allowed to raise herself. Curfew at 11? Can’t be alone in the same room with a boy? I’d run away if I were her. Talk about being socially scarred for life. Get over yourself, Mom and Dad. Let the girl have a little fun. Especially when she’s about to get a little play.
-I liked how the ending of the first episode was eerily similar to the ending of the first episode of Season 2 of “Laguna Beach”. You know what I’m talking about? The one where Kristin is in the limo with all her girlfriends singing “Since You’ve Been Gone”, while they camera goes to a shot of Lauren and Stephen in the hot tub. Not to be outdone was seeing Chrissy in bed probably around 8:00, shutting off her light, then we get to see Clay inviting Allie into his house for a late night nookie session. Outstanding. I’m sure Clay wasn’t put off at all by the fact that Chrissy’s parents pack her lunch every day with milk and cookies. Of course he wasn’t, hence the reason Allie came over. They probably were just gonna play a board game or watch a movie too. I love high school.
-One thing I’m a little confused about is that they didn’t seem to be starting this season at the beginning of their senior year. If I’m not mistaken, Chrissy started off the show by saying, “My senior year is winding down….” and the Palm Springs trip, I’m assuming, was taking place around Spring Break. But then when Chrissy and her friend were playing tennis, I could’ve sworn she had said, “I can’t believe we only have one year left of playing together”. I really, really, really, really, really shouldn’t care so much about this, but I’m an overanalyzer, so I do. Some clarification would be nice.
THE HILLS
-Of course, we save the best for last. Hopefully you read the last entry I put into this column which was a link to Heidi’s first “single” that was released last week on Ryan Sescrests radio show. If you haven’t, you must. Just to say that you did. And so that the song will remain stuck in your head the rest of the day. It’s very clubby, very sampled, and doesn’t show any of Heidi’s vocal skills whatsoever, but damn it if I didn’t break out the running man to it a few times. Ummm…kidding. I think.
-I realized something after watching the show last week. As much as I was looking forward to the “Hills”, and as good as it was, the problem with the show now is that anyone who reads the internet or subscribes to US Weekly already knows what happens. We’re basically seeing play out to what we‘ve already read. Just in the first episode, we knew Spencer and Heidi got engaged, and we knew Lauren was pissed at Heidi for thinking she leaked a Lauren/Jason sex tape. Not that I don’t enjoy the show tremendously, it just sucks that we pretty much know what’s going to happen. At least to Heidi, Spencer, and Lauren. Then again, that didn’t seem to matter in the ratings, as the premiere drew the highest rating ever for that show. So apparently people don’t care. Maybe I shouldn’t either.
-So, was that the actual proposal of Heidi and Spencer? He didn’t even ask her to marry him. And it took him a whole 23 seconds to purchase a ring from a store not even known for selling engagement rings. Clever editing. That couldn’t possibly have been their real engagement. No way. Let’s be honest here: If Spencer was not in the music industry, and didn’t have ties to record labels, and sound studios, and David Foster’s back pocket, there’s no doubt Heidi wouldn’t be with him. That relationship is all a matter of convenience, no matter how you look at it. She knows it, he knows it, and we know it. Ten years from now when she looks back at this, she’ll be laughing at what she was doing with him. You just kinda wish she’d see that now, but she doesn’t.
-Like anyone could ever get away with spray painting “HOLLYWOOD” on their living room wall without their girlfriend/spouse/fiancee not going ape sh** about it. How she handled herself after seeing that mess on the wall is beyond me. Who does that? What a complete d-bag. Nice touch in the brand new apartment, Sponge Bob. Nothing says “I Love You” more than gangster’ing out your living room to look like the underpass on the 405 freeway. An interior decorator, you are not. Just go back to throwing Lauren under the bus in radio interviews. Seems to be the only thing you’re good at. I don’t know Lauren, but I do feel sorry for her that she’s got a rather unflattering nickname going around in Hollywood right now. Whether or not its true is beside the point. It’s already out there, so there are people that are going to believe it. Let’s just say it’s a two word phrase that deals with female hygiene. One you buy at the grocery store, and one you buy at the home store. You figure it out.
Well, that’s it for this week. Remember last “Reality Roundup”, I told you I was working something for the site, but that I didn’t want to jinx anything? Well, now I’m working on two things, and one could happen sooner than the other. I’ll give you a hint: It’s an interview with a contestant that was on a show covered in this column. I have been in email contact with this person, they said they would do it, and now we are just coordinating schedules on when it can be done. If I had to guess, I’d say it happens sometime this week, so keep checking back. Until then, send all emails to steve@realitysteve.com, check out the Reality Steve MySpace page at myspace.com/StevieC24. Until next week…..
August 20th, 2007
A lot to get to this week. Trista and Ryan had their baby over the weekend. Lindsay wears other friends pants that happen to have grams of coke in them. Britney went crazy and took her kids to Vegas. I discovered “Rock of Love” on VH1. And we have the debut date of “Newport Harbor: The Real Orange County” on MTV, which is replacing “Laguna Beach”. Yeah, Newport Harbor and Laguna Beach are essentially the same thing. No real big difference. Spoiled, rich, white kids who live just a little bit up the coast from the Laguna Beachers. Can’t wait to see that. But first, as I mentioned last column, I have more “Tales from the Gym”. It’s inevitable. It’s physically impossible to not go to the gym and have some story to tell afterwards - and I don’t even talk to anyone in there. Just do my workout and leave. Unbelievable.
-I’m always curious as to what type of music is playing at the gym. For me, I always have my ipod in regardless, but every once in a while, I’ll be able to hear what’s playing in the background. And let me just say, someone needs to tell Fergie to stop informing us how “Fergalicious” she is. That song is on EVERY DAMN TIME I’m in there. If there was ever a poster woman for a “butter face”, it’d be her. She looks like E.T. when Elliot and Gertie dressed him up with a blonde wig and lipstick. I can’t believe Josh Duhamel is wasting his time with that thing. There is absolutely nothing “licious” about Fergie. Great body, but for the life of me, you couldn’t pay me to have to look at her during sex. I’ll think of baseball or trucks or something. Blech.
-Now, I am no power lifter by any means. I go to the gym for cardio and weights to get toned, not to become a body builder. But there is nothing funnier than being at the gym watching the body builders go through their routine. And its especially funny when there’s a woman who walks by who’s half way decent looking. It’s like this is the last weight they’ll ever lift in their life. Straining, making noises, sweating profusely, then they’ll drop the weights really hard, and get up and do that body builder walk where their arms are way out to the side. It’s amazing to me how these guys can even reach their penis. Unless you’re doing it professionally for money, is there a reason you need to be that big? Do women like guys that look like they can bench press your car? Unless you’re a fitness buff yourself, seems like the answer to that would be “no”. Especially if you’re on the tiny, petite side. The sense of “Oh my God, this man would cut off all my circulation if he was on top of me” would seem to come into play.
-So what did I learn from television at the gym this week? Well, the Dow Jones took a huge plunge, the Iphone isn’t selling worth a damn like they expected it to, Michael Vick is a degenerate dog killer, Ellen loves dancing her whole show, “Passions” is still the most whack soap opera on television, and frankly, there’s nothing good on television at 2:00 in the afternoon - ever. Same shows, every day. Maybe I should just get a video ipod and get caught up on some shows or something. Ooooooh, you know what else I learned? That John Travolta is as gay as a parade. It was an old interview he did on “Ellen” when he was promoting that lame ass biker movie he was in. What has happened to Danny Zucko? And enough with that Kelly Preston front you’re putting on. No one believes that. He’s officially let the T-Birds down.
AGE OF LOVE
-When I tell you I’m gonna do something, I deliver. I told you last column I would have all the lyrics to “Age of Love’s” theme song, and by golly, I do. It actually pains me to type out these lyrics, but I’m a man of my word. Here you go…..
Mmmmmmmm…..Hmmmmm…..Whoa Whoa Whoa
Who’s got the look?! I don’t know the answer to that question
Who has the look?! If I knew I would tell you
What’s the look?! Looks for your information…
It’s the one thing…the one thing…that still holds true
That’s the look, that’s the look….The look of Love….
That’s the look, that’s the look….The look of Love….
That’s the look, that’s the look….The look of Love….
Ummmm, what the hell does that mean? Who wrote this, a 7th grader who just got his first girlfriend? Who’s the got the look? I’ll tell you who: none of the girls left on this show, that’s for sure.
-The one thing this show has preaches from its first episode is that they’re conducting a social experiment by asking the question, “Does age really matter?” Well, regardless of who he chooses, are we really going to get that question answered? I mean, Jennifer is 48 years old with a 25 year old son. I’m guessing it’ll be her and Amanda in the finals since Maria doesn’t even seem to like Mark, and I’m still trying to figure out what he even sees in her. She is the most unattractive of the cougars, by far. But whatever. This is a guy who’s dumped Adelaide, Tessa, and Jayanna. So who am I to say I know what he’s thinking. And we’ll get to Jayanna’s ouster in a second. I’m still in shock over that one. So if it does come down to Jennifer and Amanda, even though we haven’t heard him say one way or another (or maybe we did and I forgot), but I’m assuming Mark wants kids. If that’s the case, why would he choose Jennifer? I’m guessing Jennifer doesn’t want to be popping out another kid at the ripe ol’ age of 50. Just know that if Mark does choose Jennifer, then its completely staged for ratings. Because there’s not a chance in hell if he chooses her that they stay together. That’s obvious.
-Interesting note about Kelli who was eliminated a couple weeks ago. I must make an apology. I think I may have commented about how I didn’t think she was attractive at all. Or maybe something about her eyebrows. Whatever the case, I take it back. She is hot. She made an appearance on the “Chelsea Handler Show” this week and looked unbelievable. Probably lost a good 20 lbs since the show and her eyebrows weren’t halfway up her forehead. Wow. That’s a mighty fine piece right there. Looks even better than she did in these photos:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0111638/
Yes, that’s right my friends, she played Samantha Sanders on an episode of “BH 90210” 17 years ago. I knew I liked her for some reason. So since it was only one episode, was this a long lost sister of Steve’s that we never got to see? A cousin? I certainly can’t remember that exact episode, but hey, good to know she made an appearance on one of my Top 5 shows of all-time. And for the last time, the college years and on were much better than the high school years. You can’t convince me otherwise, so don’t try.
-Let’s go back a couple weeks with the elimination of our favorite whiny crier, Mary. Kinda shocked that she wasn’t able to take her elimination in stride, and walk away with her head up high. Ummmm…not so much. The buildup was hilarious. The show was saying, “The pressure is starting to get to Mary?” Huh? Starting to get to her? I think this woman was crying the minute she filled out her application to be on the show. What a wreck that woman was. Have we ever figured out why she cried so much? I think if Mary were to see two puppies playing in the grass with a rainbow in the background, she’d have the same reaction as if she just witnessed a double homicide. Control your emotions woman. But my mother always told me, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. So I will say this: Mary looked MUCH more attractive with straight hair than with the frizzies. Why it took her four episodes to go with that look is beyond me.
-I think my favorite date of the show so far was when Mark had the double date with Jayanna and Amanda. At the end of the date, they were both lying in the bed watching the movie with him. Jayanna was claiming that Mark was leaning more towards her and his back was to Amanda. Well, of course it was. He had to give Amanda a good enough angle for the reach around she had going. C’mon Jayanna. Don’t tell me you couldn’t see that happening? Amanda even admitted they were holding hands under the blanket. You really think that’s all she was doing? Why do you think she was so content with Mark leaning his head on Jayanna? Because if only Jayanna knew what Amanda had in her hands. I think that night alone showed where Mark is leaning in this competition.
-I thought Jennifer and Mark’s date was cute when he had her dress like a dominatrix and go motorcycle riding with him. I could’ve sworn at some point during the date, she was going to break out in song with a version of “Cool Rider”. And then when they were going down the road alone, she’d start straddling him and then he’d pop a wheelie. Then they’d make out as the sun was going down (oh wait, they did do that). Although, we didn’t get to see the scene where he dropped her back off at the gas station and he was confronted by the T-Birds and the rest of the Pink Ladies who started to question her loyalty to the club. That would’ve been so great, you don’t even know. And yes, I’ve completely lost my mind.
-Why is Maria still on the show? She’s wanted to leave twice, she’s told the other girls she was going to leave, then for some reason, keeps changing her mind, yet doesn’t even seem to like the guy. And on the flip side, I have no idea why he likes her. Anybody catch her act when they went hunting? What was that all about? Crying like a teenager when people wouldn’t listen to her, wrapping her legs around Mark when she was talking to him - what a looney. And after all this, he still keeps her. Did I miss something? Did she slip him a couple $100 bills? For christ sakes, Jayanna showed you her ass last episode, and you keep Maria around? I wish Mark all the worst with whatever happens to him after this show. Idiot.
-As for Jayanna, exactly what did she say that was so bad which warranted her getting booted? Didn’t she tell Amanda basically what everyone who watches these dating shows is usually screaming at the TV’s? How can you possibly think you’re falling in love with somebody you’ve known for a month on a TV show? Then that little stalker goes running to Mark telling him everything Jayanna says, and Jayanna gets booted. I guess Amanda’s plan worked, but good Lord, that made Mark look dumb. Jayanna didn’t say anything that most of the viewers hadn’t thought. Amanda: “I thought my kisses with Mark were special, but then wait, it’s not special if he’s doing it with everyone else.” Every season of every “Bachelor”, at some point, this always comes up. The insecure girl doesn’t like the fact that the guy she’s dating is seeing and making out with other people. For the life of me, I can’t understand this concept if these people know they’re on a dating show. If it bothers you that much, then leave.
ROCK OF LOVE
-Well, it was inevitable that I was going to come across this show. And I got all your emails telling me to talk about it. So yes, I‘ve seen “Rock of Love”, or as I like to call it, “Who Wants an STD from Brett Michaels”. Holy crap. I feel sorry for the families of these women. On the “Bachelor“, you have to win an obstacle course in the fastest time to get a date with Andy. On “Rock of Love“, all you have to do is get Brett hard by having phone sex with him. Yes, that’s right, a group date was determined by strapping some device (probably fake) onto Brett’s unit that measured blood flow. Then each girl go on the phone with him, and the top three girls that made his blood flow the most, got to go on a group date. Unbelievable. I cannot believe that was one of the activities they had to do. And I’m sure as the season goes on, that’ll be one of the tamer things they have to do.
-For those who have not seen this white trash version of “Flavor of Love” but about 10 times worse, let me just share with you some of the things that have been uttered over the first few weeks of the show. And these were just things that were said. Seeing some of the actions on this show might make your teenage son become a man in a matter of an hour. So read these quotes, then you make your decision if you would like to glue your eyes to this fiery 10 car pile-up on the freeway. Children, look away.
“I found this beautiful young girl to have lovely, hot breasts”
“I’m feeling extremely horny - I’m ready to explode”
“If you’ve got a nice rack, show ‘em”
“Complete hot, nasty, rock-n-roll sex”
“You do have a beautiful ass”
“She beat my penis to a pulp. It was basically a dry beating”
“I saw you suck his d**k in there!”
“Her boobs are circus boobs. They don’t even move. You can’t even play with those things.”
-So with those quotes, it should come as no surprise that since this show began airing, a couple of these girls dirty laundry has made it’s way to the internet. Man, where would we be if it weren’t for the internet? The things you can find on there. Anyway, seems that BOTH Brandi’s have a career in porn. And both are viewable on the internet. Ummmm….let’s just say that neither of these two women are against anything when it comes to relations with the male sex. And that’s putting it nicely. Since this isn’t a porn website, I’m not gonna give you any links as to where you can find this, just know it’s pretty easy. And that’s all that’s come out - so far. I’m guessing a few of these other women have a sketchy past to say the least. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if all of these girls weren’t either a stripper, a porn star, or did nude pictorials before. And I’m guessing all of them were missing a few hugs early in their childhood. Call me crazy.
-The concept of this show is mind boggling to me. Brett Michaels has been chasing skirt for the last 20 years, and has probably bedded more white trash in his career than you can shake a stick at. And basically he’s saying in this show, “Look, my life is one big party. If you can’t handle that, you don’t need to be with me. So if you don’t mind me screwing other women when I’m touring, and you can put all your jealousies and insecurities behind you, then I think we’re a good match for each other. Deal?” Sounds fair to me. Good job, Brett. How you convinced some network executive to put this on air is beyond me. But keep it coming since no one likes a good train wreck as much as I do. Except this is a tad bigger than a train wreck. It’s more like a nuclear bomb being detonated on American soil. In Valencia.
-Not that you should care who wins any of the other dating shows, but this is one where you REALLY don’t care who wins. I can’t believe they even bothered to throw “Love” in the title. The only love going on in this show is self-love. And love between two women. And group love. You get the point. The means more than outweigh the end when it comes to this show. We’ve already seen phone sex, the previews show us a glimpse of flag football in the mud, catfights, more girl on girl action, and a lot of drinking. A lot. Probably to the point of unhealthy, poisoning, “oh-crap-someone-call-an-ambulance-she’s-convulsing”. And if you thought, “Will you accept this rose?” was cheesy, is there anything that could possibly top, “Would you stay here and rock my world”? Didn’t think so. I don’t what I’d do without television. I may as well become a monk.
SCOTT BAIO IS 45.…AND SINGLE
-This is slowly becoming one of my favorite reality shows on right now. Not because it’s completely real or anything like that, but just because you get the sense that Scott isn’t acting for the cameras and putting on a show. Although, paying a stripper to leave and then ending a date early with a good looking woman isn’t the most sane thing to do. This show is completely different than what I originally thought it would be. I thought he was going to start dating a bunch of women for 8 weeks, and then decide if he wants to marry his girlfriend. Is it really good therapy to go back to all your ex-girlfriends and ask them what’s wrong with you? God, I couldn’t imagine doing that for the sole reason I don’t want to hear the answers.
-I’ve got nothing against talking to an ex, but geez, to have them dissect me in front of my face? Uhh, no thanks. I’ll take acupuncture instead. Is Scott really learning anything from this, or is he just doing this for the camera? He seems genuine, but remember, he’s an actor. An actor who hasn’t done anything worth a damn in about 15 years, but an actor nonetheless. How uncomfortable must it have been for him to reunite with Joanie? You could read his mind when he was sitting across the table from her. You know he was thinking, “I can’t believe I lost my virginity to her. What was I thinking? I look exactly the same as I did 20 years ago, and she looks 60. I’m Scott Baio b****.”
-So you’re trying to tell me that of all the women this guy has slept with through the years - the Pamela Andersons, the Denise Richards, the Heather Locklears - not once did he ever get crazy with Nicole Eggert? Please. I don’t believe that for a second. There is no way they didn’t sneak behind the set of “Charles in Charge” for a little nookie back in the day. No way. And I don’t care who he was with at the time, he cheated on all his girlfriends anyway. At least the guy admits to being a pig. He gets some credit for that, doesn’t he? If not, just know that he’s not fooling anyone when he says he and Nicole never played hide the pickle on set.
AMERICA’S GOT TALENT
-Well, actually they don’t. A very mediocre group thus far. No one that really blows you away. And the funny thing is, the more they try and NOT be like “American Idol”, the more they become it. Of the five finalists we know of so far, four are singers. And I’m guessing we’ll get another four this week. Variety can only get you so far. Especially if youre doing a bunch of jumps and kicks and what not. How can you change that up? It’s the same act every week. So it’ll come as no surprise when your final two are probably singers. That beat boxer girl and maybe that real innocent looking one who sings country.
-If the show really wants to take itself seriously as America’s #1 talent contest, then why the hell are they letting through Kashef with the unibrow, and Boy Shakira? That’s talent? In what country? Certainly not this one. Have you watched what Boy Shakira/Boy Britney does? He lip synchs and dances horribly, but his appeal is because he’s fat and he’s a guy with a blonde wig, it’s supposed to be funny. Well, it isn’t. In fact, its embarrassing. The whole “fat guy dancing with his shirt off” is played out. It’s not funny anymore, and I’ll debate with you if it ever was funny to begin with.
PIRATE MASTER
-Definitely not a good week for this show. First, it gets cancelled. The remaining five episodes will be shown online at CBS.com 3am EST time Tuesday mornings. The ratings were in the toilet, and frankly, the show was too. I watched it, but I literally found myself dozing off at roughly the same point every episode. Just wasn’t interesting enough and too much of a “Survivor” rip-off but with weird rules and lame challenges. However, some worse news hit late last night, as it was announced cast member Cheryl, who was eliminated in the 4th episode, was found dead in her home on Friday night from an apparent suicide. Don’t go running and blaming the show or anything, although, I’m sure some media types will, but I guess her boyfriend committed suicide a couple months ago, so she wasn’t really in the greatest of places. Anyway, since this show is pretty much a moot point now, let’s move on.
ON THE LOT
-You know what the problem is with this show other than 80% of the movies aren’t very good? I never remember what each director had previously done, so it’s tough to judge them based off a whole body of work. Basically nobody’s work is ever memorable. And I’m still having trouble with their names. When you’re down to the final six, and you can’t name who’s who, that’s a problem. Needless to say, I’m not the least bit surprised that there’s not a female director left on the show. You could tell that was going to be the case right from the beginning. Even if any of the female directors were good, they probably wouldn’t have gotten this far. Just the way it goes sometimes.
-Adrianna is still looking every bit the pin up model as when the show started. They really do a good job on the double stick tape with her. Congrats to them. I’m still curious as to how she landed this gig. I have never seen her before on anything, and as you know, I watch A LOT of television. But hey, I’m sure she’s paid her dues, worked her way up the ladder in the entertainment business, and her looks have absolutely nothing to do with why she’s where she’s at right now. None at all. Uh huh. Keep eating that popcorn and stumbling over your cue cards honey. And remember the old adage if you’re a female broadcaster: The less clothing the better. Or something like that.
-I think Gary Marshall purposely drinks a bottle of scotch before the show starts. He’s got to be drunk, doesn’t he? You can’t tell me that ol’ coot is sober during that show. And whatever he’s having, I think Carrie Fisher is taking a couple swigs of it before the show as well. Last week her shoes were off, both her feet were on the chair, and she was pretending to make out with both Gary and whoever the B-list celebrity director judge was. The more I see her, the more my Princess Leia fantasies are a thing of the past. That’s a shame. Me and Leia, we were quite an item back in the day. I dreamt of many a night where we were alone together on Planet Endor. Ok, I’m grossing myself out now.
NEWPORT HARBOR: THE REAL ORANGE COUNTY
-Yes, just two days after the premiere of season 3 of the “Hills”, we get essentially “Laguna Beach 4”. They just moved everything to different high school with a different set of characters. Think you might not be sold yet? Take a look and count me in on Aug. 15th.
http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?id=1565260&vid=164044
Is it Lauren, and Stephen, and Kristin, and the gang? No, but it sure as hell probably beats last season. I think we were getting tired of the Laguna scene anyway. I know! Let’s move 20 minutes north to kids just as rich, just as spoiled, except they have boat parties instead of beach parties! Hey, convinced me. I’m curious to see which little hot out of this group becomes our next Kristin Cavalleiri. Or even our next Lauren Conrad, as she moves up to L.A. after graduation to have her own spinoff show. You know it’s going to happen.
Well, that’s it for this week. Still working on something for the site, but I don’t want to jinx anything. I’ll let you know when the time is right. If it ever is. Until then, send all emails to steve@realitysteve.com, check out the Reality Steve MySpace page at myspace.com/StevieC24. Until next week…..
July 30th, 2007
AGE OF LOVE
-You know what I think my favorite part about “Age of Love” is? That cheesy ass 80’s theme song. By next week, I’ll have memorized all the words, but for now, all I know is “Who’s got the look….got the look…..the look of love!” Catchy, huh? Ok, maybe not, but it sure runs through my head the rest of the night after watching the show. Who wrote that crap? They actually got paid for it? I promise, next episode, I will rewind as much as I have to so I can get all the lyrics to that Grammy winning solo. You won’t be disappointed. Trust me. The guys who wrote “This Is My Now” for Jordin Sparks are saying, “Wow. What cheesy lyrics!”
-Something is happening on this show that I’m sure not a lot of you have picked up on yet. And it’s a first, not only in reality television, but ANY type of television over the last 50 years. Mark Consuelos is getting shorter every episode. Has this ever happened on television before? You know, we see young kids grow up on television and their voices change, they get taller, they develop breasts, etc…Consuelos is going the other way. At least put him in some pumps. Or maybe bring out a couple phonebooks. Maybe a step ladder. Here’s my question: Have Consuelos and the Mayor of Munchkin Land ever been seen in the same room at the same time? Ah ha! Didn’t think so. Someone needs to investigate this.
-Frankly, I’m shocked that Adelaide is no longer on the show. She was the best looking “kitten” they had, and from what we’ve seen, seemed to be the most normal. I have no idea was Mark was thinking on that one. Says he didn’t feel anything when they kissed? Huh? I felt it, and I was sitting on my recliner half naked eating a box of wheat thins and string cheese. I don’t know where Mark’s head is sometimes. Although Adelaide is the weirdest name I’ve heard for a hot 25 year old. Your maid should be named Adelaide just like in “Diff’rent Strokes”. Tessa’s gone too? Not that I’d ever thought she’d win because her breasts might melt in the sun if it gets too hot, but I surely thought Mark would keep her and her flotation devices around. I actually thought Tessa had an extremely attractive face. But her fun bags were just TOO big. You can’t have DD’s when you’re a size 2. Looks way too disproportionate, and frankly honey, you look like a stripper. But hey, maybe that’s the look she’s going for. I could definitely see her in clear heels someday.
-Let’s break down the chances of the girls remaining on the show:
Mary: B****, stop crying. 100-to-1.
Megan: Considering she just had her senior prom a week ago, and even though Mark likes them young and dumb, I’d say she has a very slim chance of getting to the finals. 200-to-1.
Amanda: Sometimes I think Amanda looks really good, and sometimes I think she has horse face. But she’s definitely going to be the final kitten left, just based off who her other two competitors are. 1-to-1.
Maria: A week ago she didn’t even want to be there. How she’s made it this far, I have no idea. 100-to-1.
Jennifer: I’m assuming Mark wants kids. Jennifer is 48 with a 25 year old son. And I’m guessing she’s had the tie job done. There’s no way he picks her if he wants kids. 200-to-1.
Jayanna: Yet another no brainer for the finals. Barring her having a third nipple or something, she’s a shoe-in to face Amanda for the right to Mark’s heart. God, that sounded corny.
-I liked how last episode they had to compete in the mini triathlon to get some alone time with Mark. They had to bike, then run, then paddle out on a surfboard to Mark who was supposedly “miles” off shore. Huh? Did you see where he was? I’m guessing he was maybe a couple hundred yards off shore, yet Consuelos is trying to convince us these women had to paddle halfway across the Pacific to get to him. Like I’ve said, I really enjoy this show much more for the comedy aspect of it all than to see if Mark finds love. I could care less who he chooses since I know it’ll never last. And I think this show understands that too, which is why they tend to focus on the comedic points in the show.
-No matter what Mark says about wanting to settle down, and blah blah blah, the fact is he’s been linked to Tara Reid, Paris Hilton, and Anna Kournikova, and was once engaged to a 20 year old model, who he started dating when she was 18, the guy obviously is not done chasing skirt. And let’s not forget one of the most important factors in all of this: he’s a professional athlete. And last time I checked, the job of a professional athlete, other than to be good at what they do, is to chase tail by any means necessary. Although, I use the term “professional” loosely with Mark. He currently isn’t even ranked in the Top 100 tennis players in the world, and has only won one tournament since 2003. To say his career is on the downside is an understatement. Basically, he sucks.
-And here’s an interesting side note. Jayanna was 39 years old all during the filming of this show. Yet she turned 40 on June 15th according to NBC’s website, so she’s been 40 the whole time we’ve been watching the show. Yet, they keep showing her age at 39. Why is that? She’s 40. Maybe it’s to throw us off. Maybe it’s to make her seem younger. Or maybe it’s just so that idiots like me can even struggle with such a meaningless, inane question. Just wanted to point that out. Jayanna, you’re 40. Deal with it. I’ll now continue on with my life.
ON THE LOT
-Do you know what has becoming the #1 thing to look forward to in this show every week? Adrianna’s outfits. Sometimes she looks like she wants to show us as much of her breasts without actually showing them to us, and other times she wears dresses that look like nightgowns. But you know what? Keeps me interested. Like there’s any other eye candy to look at on that show. I know Carrie Fisher is older and heavier now, but seeing her on this show has ruined all the original Star Wars movies for me. There isn’t a boy in America who didn’t fantasize about Princess Leia at some point in their lives. And on more than one occasion. Now I go back and watch “Empire Strikes Back”, and all I can think of is her sitting on her seat judging this mediocre show. Blech. Sorry Carrie. I no longer have impure thoughts about you and the Dagobah system.
-Just out of curiosity, this is a filmmaking show correct? They’re trying to find America’s next great filmmaker to my understanding, right? Then why do all these filmmakers make 3 minute movies that bore me to tears? Who did the one about trees? Why is all the acting, for the most part, sub par? And how did Will Smith’s youngest sister on the “Fresh Prince of Bel Air” end up on this show? Same with the dad from “Family Matters” who was also in “Die Hard”? I’d say your acting career has hit a major skid if you were once on a network television show that’s now in syndication, and now you’re having to act in 3 minute movies for overwhelmed wannabe directors.
-Now, are all of the films terrible? No. There have been a couple that piqued my interest. But in general, I’d say 90% of them are below average and not worthy of receiving a contract to work at Dreamworks. And have you ever listened to some of the criticism that Carrie Fisher gives? She’ll start off with “Great job”, and then go into about 2 or 3 things that she didn’t like about the film, and then finish up with a “…but I liked it. Good job.” Huh? Has the dark side finally gotten to her? I’m sorry, I can’t refer to her as Carrie Fisher anymore. She’s is, was, and will always be Princess Leia. Even though she looks like Leia’s great grandmother right now. She even still tries to act like Leia. Did you see her a couple weeks ago sitting in her chair with both legs crossed under her? And then last week, her bra was showing. Leia, you’re no longer Annakin’s daughter and Luke’s sister. You’re an older, wrinkly woman judging a bad reality show.
PIRATE MASTER
-I still watch this show every week so it holds over my “Survivor” fix until the fall, but man, I want something exciting to happen. Seems like the same thing, every week. The problem I have with this show is the challenges. Both teams compete against each other on the same exact challenge looking for the same exact treasure. So even though it hasn’t happened yet, technically can’t you just follow the other team if they’re ahead of you and just copy what they’re doing? I think to improve things, they should both have separate treasures to find, and whoever makes it back to the boat first wins. Looking for the same treasure is stupid because both teams always end up both digging against each other at the end. Ahhh, what the hell. No one’s watching this show anyway. Let’s move on.
AMERICA’S GOT TALENT
-Is it just me, or are this season’s finalists so far not nearly as entertaining as last seasons? I’m thinking about the show right now, and I can’t think of one act that stands out above the rest. Last year, you had Bianca Ryan, the little yodeling girl, the magic act where they changed clothes every 5 five seconds, and violinist family that danced irish jigs while they played the violin. Who’s good this year? I certainly can’t think of anyone. If its one of those magic acts, we’ve seen it before. And none of the singers have blown me away either. I think they should just give the title to Leonid the Magnificent and be done with it. He’s the one guy everyone can remember from either season. That’s what you get for being such a freak show. What exactly was his talent this year?
-I liked Tuesday’s episode where they teased something “goes horribly wrong”. All it was was some guy trying to jump over some chairs and he fell on his face. They acted like the guy fell from the sky onto the stage and was paralyzed. And yet again, the shows editing is still at its all time worst. Or best, however you want to look at it. They show us before commercial an ambulance showing up and everyone with worried looks on their face. And obviously this guy wasn’t too hurt if he was willing to have a camera right in his grill while he has a neck brace on and is wheeled into the ambulance on a gurney. Please. If you mame yourself on a talent show, probably means you weren’t any good to begin with.
-When are any of the contestants gonna talk back to the Hoff about his drunken video that hit You Tube? That’s what I want to see. You know what the amazing part of that is? Not only did that video hit the web before the verdict of his custody battle for his kids was announced, he ends up getting FULL custody. Huh? What judge sees a drunk, stammering, half coherent Hasselhoff eating a burger being filmed by his daughter and says, “Yeah, this man is a good father. He gets full custody.” Was Anna Nicole’s crying judge the one who made this decision? The Hoff is one lucky individual. And not only that he won the custody battle, but that he’s even still pulling a paycheck from somewhere. Nice leather shirt, Hoff.
THE SINGING BEE
-Easily my favorite reality show of the summer season. And apparently everyone else’s too. It’s first episode was the most watched show so far this summer, and the most watched summer program since “Dancing With the Stars” debuted in 2005. And more good news for NBC: it was their highest rated summer show in the last 13 years! Look, it’s good. But it’s not THAT good. Or is it? Let’s face it, it combines two elements that have an unbelievable comedy factor attached to them: people who can’t dance but think they can, and people who think they know the words to songs but don’t. How can you go wrong there? I mean, did you see the premiere episode? All six people they called up on stage were all fresh off drinking a case of red bull, danced like complete spazzes, and were so excited to be there, I thought their head was gonna explode. This is truly a great show to watch.
-It also can be looked at as a social experiment. Where else do you get to see bad dancing, bad singing, karaoke, Joey Fatone, songs from 70’s and 80’s, and former high school nerds all collaborate on one show? I was giddy watching this train wreck on Tuesday night. Especially to the guy who won the $50,000. Is it just me, or did that guy know the words to every song ever made? Even the ones he got wrong he was only off by a word or two. And he was even singing the lines before the music got cut off. Congratulations, music geek. You might be 50 grand richer, but you sure came off like a total dweeb on national television. I hope your 4th grade class enjoyed watching their teacher sing Blondie songs on TV. And I hope you still have friends.
-Let’s be honest, is there anyone more annoying in this world than the drunk, or even sober, person at the bar who singing along with what the DJ is playing, yet doesn’t know any of the words? Usually, I want to take a drink and pour it over that persons head. Or just crack my beer bottle across their face and tell them to shutup. Now I can just sit in front of my TV and laugh at them. So in all actuality, this show really does save me a lot of money. And probably a lawsuit or two. No doubt in my mind this show is gonna get picked up for the fall and will be on more than one night a week come September, a la “Deal or No Deal”.
HEY PAULA
-Like many of you, I’m always asking myself the same question over and over and over. And of course, that question is: What is Paula Abdul really like? Ok, maybe I don’t. But I sure got my answer when I turned into this doozy that debuted a couple weeks ago. Holy smokes, she is crazy! And not “crazy” as in boozing, drug addict. Paula Abdul is crazy in that she likes the little old lady in your neighborhood that’s been single forever, sits on her wooden rocking chair all day knitting, and talks to her 17 cats. That’s Paula Abdul. Except she’s a little younger, wears more makeup, and makes a gazillion dollars a year. No joke here, I actually feel sorry for Paula after watching this show. She seems very lonely and very unhappy.
-Of course, she puts on a good face for the media sometimes, and acts like she doesn’t have a care in the world and she’s just this free spirited whipper snapper who likes to act goofy. But Dr. Reality Steve thinks that she acts this way to hide the fact she’s incredibly insecure (then again, who in Hollywood isn’t?), and that she hasn’t gotten any ass in a while. Although now apparently she’s dating some guy 12 years younger than her who co-owns a restaurant in West Hollywood. Why of course. Who doesn’t? I think anyone who’s ever been in a movie has some stake in some restaurant in the Beverly Hills/West Hollywood/Sunset/Santa Monica area. It’s the new chique thing to do. And if I spelled “chique” wrong, forgive me.
-For once, believe it or not, I actually believe something that a reality show is feeding me. I’m convinced when Paula acts all loopy and drunk on “Idol” that she’s not actually drunk. If you watch the show, you’ll realize this woman never sleeps. Either because of her schedule, or just the fact that she has a hard time doing it. Even though she knows lack of sleep makes her act like the crazy old lady in the wooden rocking chair, she still does it. Then she gets mad when the media makes fun of her for babbling incoherently on television. You can’t have it both ways, Paula. Either get your sleep and act like a normal person in front of the cameras, or continue doing what you’re doing, and don’t bitch when media types make fun of you.
THE HILLS
-I know this hasn’t started yet (only a month away), but seriously, has there ever been a more anticipated showdown in recent television memory than Lauren vs. Heidi - The Aftermath? I sure can’t think of any. Well, maybe Isiah Washington vs. his career, but that’s a whole other topic for another day. When we last saw these two on television, Heidi was moving out to live with Captain D-bag, and Lauren was moving in Audrina as her new roommate. Of course since then, we’ve seen in magazines and online, that Lauren, Audrina, and Whitney are all best buds, with Heidi and Spencer being the outcasts. And oh yeah, let’s not forget the giant rack that Heidi now has along with her new nose. To say I’m bumbling with excitement for this show to start would definitely be an understatement. This show can’t begin soon enough. Here’s the trailer for season 3 to hold you over until August 13th:
http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?id=1564353&vid=161479
-One thing I did want to mention was the clip we saw of Jason in there. Did any of you see article on him in “People” a couple weeks ago? I gotta say, he came off really well, he’s out of rehab, has taken responsibility for all his actions, hasn’t had a drink of alcohol since he left, and even found himself a new hottie. Believe it or not, I’m actually hoping this guy turns it around and doesn’t fall off the wagon. Of course, if he does, I’ll be the first to jump all over him. He came across about as sincere as you could be in the article. Let’s see if he holds up his end of the bargain and doesn’t turn into a lush again.
SCOTT BAIO IS 45.…AND SINGLE
-If that title alone doesn’t get your blood pumping, then nothing will. Yes, that is the name of his latest reality show which starts this Sunday on VH1. And yes, it’s already set to a Season Pass on my TiVo. And yes, I’m sure it’ll be equally as horrible as every other dating show out there. Courtesty of VH1.com, here is the episode 1 summary:
“….In order to figure out why he has been unlucky in love for the past 45 years, Scott Baio hires a life coach named Doc Ali. She tells him to take a two-month vow of celibacy, break off his relationship with his current girlfriend, and revisit some of his ex-girlfriends to help him figure out where he went wrong in his past relationships. Sue Carlson, his first serious girlfriend, tells him he has commitment issues and is always looking for “the next best thing”. Erin Moran, his “Happy Days” co-star and the girl he lost his virginity to, tells him he needs to face his fear of other people by joining her at an autograph signing.”
Seriously, anytime there’s a Joanie and Chachi reunion, I’m going to be there. And so should you. Set your TiVo’s.
July 12th, 2007
Yes, believe or not, only 2 weeks have passed since the last column, and not 8. See? I’m getting better. Imagine the day where I write two columns in one week? Used to do it all the time. Not so much anymore. Why? Laziness basically. Anyway, before we get started, a few things I need to cover. And be prepared, this is a long column.
Quite a few of you have commented about my last column where I mentioned that “women are lame.” Please, please, please. Calm down now. Whoever was reading that, I wasn’t talking about you. By no means do I despise the female gender. In fact, far from it. But sometimes a man’s got to vent his frustrations, and what better way to do it than in my column which is read by 95%….women. Oops. So please don’t take offense. Be secured in knowing that women are still the #1 reason that I am not a homosexual today.
Onto some brighter news, it was announced last week that our only married “Bachelor” couple, Trista and Ryan, are now expecting their first child. This was announced, of course, by Team Trista. By her publicist. And under her terms. Because, you know, she’s steering that ship with a firm hand. I’m even willing to bet Ryan didn’t even have much say in the conception either. Busy firefighter, works long hours, then to come home to that nag? No thanks. “Get home right now! I’m ovulating! And according to my chart, I only have 15 minutes today where I’m most fertile! Hurry up!” And of course that sap probably dropped everything he was doing, ran home, and serviced her. Poor guy. But good luck, kiddos. We’re all behind ya’.
-Also since we last spoke, Britney Spears went crazy. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Some of you may be saying, “Hey Steve, don’t trample on somebody when they’re down. She really needs help right now.” And I agree. To a certain extent. She does need help. But something tells me she’s not gonna listen to it. I hate to sound morbid, but I don’t think Britney will still be alive within five years. She’s completely lost it. And you think she’s bad now? Wait til she loses her kids. Then all the sudden she’s gonna get miraculously better? You know what the only good thing to come out of Britney shaving her head was? It finally answered a question that pretty much every guy has had on his mind since Day 1 with her. Yes, we now know that the curtains match the drapes. Moving on….
-And finally, I feel the need to bring this up because I’m confronted with it everyday when I visit the gym. Usually I’m there in the afternoon when none of the flat screens are on anything I want to watch. That needs to be remedied. Can we please stop showing “Law and Order”, and “MSNBC”, and “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire”, and “Stock Market Reports” when I’m at the gym? Is it too much to ask that ESPN be on a screen that doesn’t face sideways and you can only see it from the worst treadmill in the place? Is that too hard? Anyway, another show that’s always on is “Ellen”. Pretty neutral on her. Don’t hate her, don’t love her. Don’t really get the whole dancing around every show, but hey, that’s me. My question is, last week they were hyping Oprah making an appearance on her show with the title “It’ll change the face of daytime television forever”. Really? Why? Because one lesbian is interviewing another lesbian? How is this changing the face of daytime television? Seemed a bit over hyped to me. And as far as I know, that interview came and went, and television is still the same. Let’s begin….
AMERICAN IDOL
-Can’t say I’m too shocked by the four that have departed: Nicole, Amy, Paul, and Rudy. Rudy looked, and sounded, like a girl. Nicole sang like a dude. Amy had the personality of a candle, according to Simon. And Paul the Asian sang a very effeminate George Michael classic. Paul, last time I checked, “Careless Whisper” was not a hip-hop song. You might not want to be-bop to it while you’re performing. Doesn’t matter. You’re gone anyway. I was thoroughly baffled by his performance and would’ve been protesting if he didn’t go home. That was horrible. Granted, so were about five of the other guys performances, but still, Paul and his bare feet were a bit much. Amy managed to put me to sleep before her minute and a half was up. That was an easy call.
-I’m sure Idol isn’t too happy this season with the 6 guy, 6 girl final twelve considering there’s about four guys who were even remotely in tune last week. But here’s who I think will make the final 12: Guys - Phil, Blake, Chris Richardson, Brandon, Nick, and Sundance. I know, I know. Sundance was horrible. But that name is too marketable and I guarantee he at least makes the final 12. He won’t win by longshot, but he’ll last another two weeks. Trust me. But if by some reason he doesn’t make it, you can throw Chris Sligh in there for the freak factor alone. Both wont make it, but one of them will. As for the girls, that’s a tough one. I’ll go with: Lakisha, Jordin, Melinda, Sabrina, Gina, and Anotonella. If she doesn’t get kicked out of the competition first. And no, she was horrible last week. But she looks good, so that’s why she’ll make it.
-In case you haven’t seen, there are numerous pictures floating around the internet of Antonella being, well, a slut. Topless, wet t-shirt, posing with all her girlfriends topless, lying on a bed with see through lingerie, etc. Yeah, it’s all there. And of course for good measure, some X-rated ones of her going down on some guy. I question whether or not those are actually her, but the other ones definitely are. Nice going, Antonella. I’m sure your parents are proud. The most recent pictures just popped up on Friday, so if Fox decides to boot her from the show, you can replace her with Haley, who’s probably the cutest girl in the competition. And she just got engaged. Awwwww….how cute. It won’t last.
-A bit of quick advice for Chris Richardson, the Justin Timberlake wannabe. I don’t know much about music and singing and performing, but son, you have got to stop doing the look-a-way when you sing. Watch carefully. The guy quick turns away from the mike on almost every other line he sings. And even when you watch him in the background dancing to others songs, he still does it. That nervous tick is going to get him booted from the show. I honestly don’t think he can control doing it. But once you start noticing it week in and week out, you’ll wish he’d stop too. And Blake Lewis’ beat-boxing will keep him in the show for a long time. I know people will argue that what he’s doing isn’t singing, but neither were Taylor Hicks’ crazy gyrations and look where that got him. Blake will be the last guy left in this competition because he can’t beat box and brings something different to the table. Now, that doesn’t mean he’s gonna be in the final two, I just said he’d be the last guy left standing.
-Another thing to keep your eye out for? The parents. One of my favorite things to do while watching performances is to watch the parents groove along to their childs song. Because inevitably, not a single one of them is in rhythm. I’ve yet to see a parent in rhythm with their childs song in six seasons of this show. You’d think they’d be able to clap their hands together with the sound of the beat, but no. They’re totally off. And Chris Richardson’s dad is a complete spaz. He’s gonna hurt himself trying to dance to his son performing. I’m actually scared for him. And sometimes you don’t even have to narrow it down to just the parents. A lot of people in the audience can’t groove to any of these songs either. I usually start looking for this about 30 seconds into each performance, since by that time, I know if I think it’s going well or not. So to keep my interest, I look for other things to hold my amusement. And the parents always seem to do the trick.
SURVIVOR
-It is really disappointing that there is zero eye candy left on this show. Some interesting characters, but for the life of me, outside of Michelle the Asian girl, I’m having a hard time watching these women run around in their bathing suits. Blech. Even Rita coming out of her top last week did nothing for me. Maybe Stephanie LaGrossa can come back on the show for a third time. Or Heidi. Or Jenna. Hey, I have an idea, let’s have an All-Star Survivor but just with all the good looking ones. Someone can yank Elizabeth Hasselbeck out of her “View” seat for a couple months, can’t they? Rosie hates her anyway. And Amber can be on her 12th reality show in the last 3 years as well. I think it’s a brilliant idea. Too bad no one will listen to me.
-So I haven’t read too deep into any spoilers this season, although I do know that at some point, both Immunity Idols are found AND they are both played at Tribal Council. Not like Yul last year who never gave it up or ever had to play it. It gets played twice this year. Looking forward to that. And then of course, the big monster boffo socko thing that supposedly “everyone will be talking about” happens later in the season. I don’t know what it is, who it revolves around, or what effect it has on the game, but whatever it is, I guarantee it doesn’t top Johnny Fairplay lying about his grandmother. As big of a weasel and lunatic as that guy is, for my money, that’s the best lie ever told on this show. He had everyone fooled. He probably should’ve won that season too. Yeah, like Sandra or Lilian (the final two) had any business being there. Are you kidding me? Please tell me that season never happened.
GREASE: YOU’RE THE ONE THAT I WANT
-So, this show is raising the bar on corniness on a weekly basis. Outstanding stuff, really. I mean, can anything possibly top the duet performances from last week? I’m serious. Didn’t you just feel the chemistry between those couples through your TV set? Uhhhh, yeah, me neither. Just because they were dancing close to each other and singing into each others faces, we’re supposed to think there’s chemistry there? And now Allie supposedly has a crush on Max? That single handedly made me throw up my dinner last Sunday night. Very disturbing. She should be disqualified just for that. Max looks like every single theatre dork I went to high school with who had a part in every school play put on. And he’s about as convincing as Danny Zucko as I am. Although, I can belt out a mean “Summer Nights”. Ok. No, I can’t.
- “American Idol” revealed who their guest celebrities are going to be this season: Jennifer Lopez, Gwen Stefani, Martina McBride, Jon Bon Jovi, and Diana Ross. And there’s still that rumor going around that Michael Jackson is gonna make an appearance. So who has helped out on “Grease” this season? Andrew Lloyd Weber, Jon Secada, and Frankie Avalon. Weber isn’t a bad name considering he has “Phantom” to his credit. Although, someone might want to teach him how to clap. And keep him away from heat lamps. He might melt. Jon Secada was brought on as a judge….why? Oh yeah, he had that hit song 20 years ago. How could I forget? And he played Danny Zucko in “Grease” before. So Danny Zucko was Cuban? Really? Huh. Could’ve fooled me. So when is Shakira gonna be cast as Sandy?
-Frankie Avalon just isn’t what he used to be, huh? Goodness gracious. How come he can’t sing “Beauty School Drop Out” anymore? That was terrible. I should’ve been tipped off to this when I heard Olivia Newton John couldn’t sing any of the songs 30 years later either. Can I request something? How about a moratorium on every singer from the original “Grease” trying to re-create the songs now? Is that too much to ask? Let us remember you when you could sing, when your face wasn’t all shot up, and when you were in your prime. I’m half expecting next week we’re gonna see a stoned, drunk, and coked out Jeff Conaway reprise his Kenickie role and belt out “Greased Lightning” before keeling over and dying on us.
-Have you noticed the giant change in the show’s format? When they first started hyping the show, the concept was that it would be like “Idol” and America would vote off one guy and one girl every week. Uhhhhhhh….not so much. Of course, after the season starts, they realize this could be a major catastrophe if say, Max’s family started flooding the phone lines and somehow he ended up winning, and now they’re forced to put a high school reject on Broadway. So conveniently they threw in there, “Oh by the way, your votes will only decide the winners. The judges will send home whoever they damn well please every week so we don’t have a huge screw up in the end, and only 5 people buy tickets when the show hits Broadway again. But thanks for not noticing and causing an uproar.” So tell us, why are you even giving the phone numbers out then? Just to lower the contestants self esteem by letting them know those two imparticular are least liked by the audience? Very nice.
-Not only was I creeped out by the duet performances, I found it rather insulting that Max was trying to cop a feel on Ashley. This is “Grease” people. Danny Zucko got nowhere near Sandy’s pants until the very end. And even then I bet it took him hours to get those spandex off. The whole concept of “Grease” is actually kinda funny when you think about it. Danny can’t like Sandy because he’s a T-bird, and she’s a prude. And getting to first base is a huge step for her. But by the end of the movie, she realizes the only way to Danny’s shallow heart, is to trick herself up to look like a whore, learn to smoke, slide into some skin tight clothing, and gyrate all over him. Walla! Now he likes her. So rule of thumb to all you high school prudes: If you want to attract the hot guy, whore yourself out. And be prepared to be groped at the drive-in.
-Who’s going to win this thing? Beats the hell out of me. Despite the huge negative points she should receive for having a crush on Max, Allie won’t win. So I’ll go with Ashley still despite the “Boots are Made for Walkin’” performance last night. And that unbiased paid audience they roll in there every Sunday night seems to take a liking to…well…everybody. Chad and Austin might be a bit too metro to be Danny, but then again, so are all the others. If I remember correctly, Danny used to grease his hair. Austin seems to style his with about a can of hair spray a day. I cannot look at that guy without getting queasy. You would think it’d be impossible to be overly dramatic on this show. Uhhh, no. Not for Austin. He has daytime soap hunk written all over him. I might protest if he wins. And in case you hadn’t heard, David Ian’s own money is on the line. If the audience fails, then the show will fail. He’s taking a big risk. Thank you David. So kind.
APPRENTICE
-It’s been a couple weeks, so we have a few things to go over. First and foremost, that somehow Trump managed to get the Lakers coaching staff and a few players to make a cameo on this abortion of a show. Do you honestly think that Phil Jackson, owner of nine NBA championship rings, and coach to two or three of the greatest players the NBA has ever seen, wanted to conduct a practice with a gaggle of ‘tards from a reality show? Oh lord. He must’ve gotten a hefty appearance fee for that one. By far my favorite moment of the season to date was when Muna, the Jamaican chick, told us that it was “the brill of a lifetime for be to beet Bil Jackson.” I bet it was. Growing up on the island of Jamaica, what better role model for a young girl like Muna than Phil Jackson. That’s inspiration for you. High comedy.
-Every year the Donald does something that, even by his standards, comes across as the most self-serving thing I’ve ever seen. Well, he one-upped himself this season. Tell me he didn’t take a phone call live right after he was done giving a speech at one of those Learning Annexes. That didn’t happen, right? Something tells that was all dubbed in later. I mean, he probably gets paid close a to a mil for a speaking engagement, yet when he’s done, he’s going to take a live phone call from his D-rated reality TV show so he can promote it even further? And since the people in the audience had no idea which team was which, why were they cheering? Oh that’s right, because the cue cards told them to. How could I be so dumb?
-Looks like next week we finally get an appearance from Randall, our season 4 winner. Long time, no see Randall. Hope your job is treating you well. Have you been moved up to coffee fetcher yet, or are you still copy machine paper re-filler guy? And where the hell is Ivanka? I thought the whole season we were getting her in the boardroom? I think Sean has made just as many appearances as her. There’s something wrong with that. Hell, Sean even got to RUN the boardroom once while Trump was out. No doubt Sean is becoming quite the Trump ass kisser. I bet he even has his own cubicle. Look, do what needs to be done Donald, get your daughters hot piece back in the boardroom before your ratings dip below any program on the CW. And oh yeah, it’s time slot got bumped to 10:00 now on Sunday nights. Good luck with that.
-In six seasons of this show, you know what I’ve never, ever, ever understood? Supposedly these are the smartest of the smarts in their profession. We all know that they’re not, but for the sake of the argument, humor me here. There somewhat intelligent based on their business savvy. Yet every single project manager of a losing team, or some member of the losing team, performs so horribly below human standards, that they are the biggest liability the show has ever seen. I understand the need for Trump to fire someone every episode, but how come we can’t have one task where both teams do unbelievably well, one team barely wins, and the losing team has no one to snipe at the in the boardroom. Is that possible? You mean every single task, someone is that much of a f*** up that they got on everyone else’s nerves? But that’s TV for ya’.
-Last week’s task was an interesting one for the sole reason that I used to shop at that Westfield Shopping Center on numerous occasions. And Derek apparently screwed up by not telling Aimee the percentage of Hispanics that shopped there. He found out it was about 50%, yet didn’t bother to tell his project manager. I’m here to tell you, that is far from the truth. Derek was given false information. Whoever told him that mall was 50% Hispanic shoppers couldn’t have been more off. Try about 75%. Then again, it is smack dab in the middle of L.A., so what did you expect? Caucasians? Please. They’re a minority.
BEAUTY AND THE GEE
-Didn’t write about this show all season, or the past two seasons for that matter, but just know its actually one of the better ones out there. I mean, what’s not to like about a geek who says, “If I had to choose between a woman and Star Trek, I’d choose Star Trek.” Priorities, baby. I really hope someday I don’t have to choose between those two. As much as it would pain me to not have Scotty beam me up, I think I’d have to choose women. Now, if you present me with “Dawson’s Creek marathon vs. a woman”, there could be some hesitation before I ultimately choose Joey Potter….I mean….women.
-According to a recent interview with Megan, part of the winning team with Scooter, she not only verifies that Jennylee was into Nate, but contends they had sex when the cameras weren’t around. Nate officially has to be crowned king of the geeks if he was able to pull this off. He banged Jennylee? Are you serious? The guy who’s the lead singer in a band that sings Star Wars songs nailed a UFC ring girl? How much money was exchanged? Did she lose a bet? Was he wearing his storm trooper costume and she didn’t know it was him? If Megan is telling the truth, and if Nate was actually able to copulate with a warm, living, female body, I think we all should give him a well deserved standing ovation. Pretty much is the equivalent of Lewis somehow getting into Betty’s pants in “Revenge of the Nerds”. I still don’t know how that happened. And don’t think that was just a one time thing where he tricked her. In “Revenge of the Nerds 3”, they were married. That’s just plain wrong. “I’m getting tired of Betty.” “How could you get tired of that ass, Takashi?” An all-time classic.
-Which brings us to our beloved, Cece. Reality television has been going strong for a good 5-6 years now. And we’ve seen a lot of crazy/psycho/slutty/evil/manipulative/stupid people that have appeared on these shows. Hell, I’ve written about practically all of them at some point or another. But I think it’s safe to say that Cece is by far the most despicable, shallow, self-centered, phony, most egomaniacal, disillusioned person I’ve ever seen on television. And those are her good traits. Name calling doesn’t even do what I think of her justice. If you saw the show, you know exactly what I’m talking about. All I know is karma is a bitch, and I hope someday that whore gets what she deserves, which is nothing good. I hate you Cecille, and I’m glad you guys didn’t win. There. I’m off my soapbox.
THE HILLS
-Yet another couple weeks of shows to get caught up on here too, starting with the one where Emily the Super Intern made her appearance. Kinda put LC in her place, didn’t she? LC takes a couple fashion classes and works at Teen Vogue and seems constantly stressed out. Emily was able to juggle all those and then some without missing a beat. Looks like LC has some catching up to do in the “working-for-a-living” department. And why did Emily give the double-kiss-to-the-cheek when she met LC and Whitney? Someone tell her this is L.A. and not Paris. But don’t worry LC, it won’t be long before Emily ends up in a sex tape, or gossip mag, or so strung out on drugs and depressed, she’ll shave her head.
-Sponge Bob Square Spencer was at it again this week. Calling him a massive tool would be doing a disservice to tools. He makes it clear to Heidi that she is #1 in his book. What he forgets to tell her is that he has a “1A” list which consists of every hooker playmate that visit’s the “Area” nightclub when he’s there and Heidi’s not. I just don’t understand why this guy is fighting so hard for a girl he doesn’t really give two sh*** about. He’s got all of Brody’s sloppy seconds, plus another boatload of tramps he can pick from when he goes out, based on what we see. But Heidi is his one true love? I don’t get it. Then again, I’m not twenty years old. Maybe I’m not supposed to get it. Gotta love how Heidi spends all episode ignoring his phone calls, having her friends tell her what awful douche bag he is, then by the end of the episode, she’s back in his car with him for a night of sex. As bad as Spencer is coming across in this show, Heidi looks much, much worse.
-This show should be renamed “Heidi’s Hills - starring that girl who used to be on ‘Laguna Beach’”. Of course there’s the saying for guys of “Bros before Ho’s” which we’ve all heard before. Isn’t there a similar one for girls? Something to the effect of “Don’t shun your friends to date complete man whores when they’re all telling you not to”? I understand she’s a teenager, I understand this is her first real love (I think), and I understand she’s a naïve little soul, but why do you stay with someone who makes you completely miserable? You tell him you don’t like him hitting on other girls when you’re out, and what does he do? He hits on other girls when you’re out. Where’s the logic in that? I guess I should just stop preaching to Heidi and let her learn the hard way. I think she needs to walk in on Sponge Bob Square Spencer in the middle of a menage a tois, then maybe she’ll get the picture. Or not.
REAL WORLD: DENVER
-I can’t believe I’ve yet to write about this season. Definitely a cast of crazies. Since there’s been about 10 episodes, it’d be impossible to go over all the crazy things that have happened. So let’s break down each character and what they’ve managed to bring to the show.
JENN: Promiscuity. Nothing says “I’m a gigantic slut” than boinking one of your roommates your first night in the house. Very classy, Jenn. I bet you’ll find it very hard to believe that Jenn actually uttered this sentence earlier this season: “I’ve never been able to stay faithful to any of my boyfriends.” You don’t say? Could’ve fooled me. Or this one: “Alcohol does crazy things. I’m not attracted to Alex. I wouldn’t sleep with Alex sober.” And of course, last week, a drunken Jenn did Alex - again. The next time I hear a woman use alcohol as an excuse for her behavior…..forget it. Before a vein comes shooting out of my head, I’ll stop.
TYRIE: A calm demeanor. You always need that guy every season who never flies off the handle, is level headed, and rationally works out all disagreements with his roommates in a very calm, collected manner. Ummmmm, that’s not Tyrie. When someone gets sent to the hospital on this naked beasts accord, just remember who warned you.
COLIE: Horniness. The self-proclaimed “kissing slut” surely hasn’t failed to live up to that reputation. That tongue has been in more guy’s mouths this season than I can count. She’s making out with Alex on the first night, then she’s snuggling up to her Outward Bound boss, then some random at the bar, and now her boyfriend comes to visit and she’s in love again. Someone swab her tongue for an STD.
STEPHEN: Rage. Ok, maybe not. Take what I said about Tyrie and insert it here. Why do they have to cast normal people on this show? Ruins the fun of it. Ok, so maybe he doesn’t understand the gay lifestyle. And maybe he cheated on his girlfriend, but, he actually apologized for it and felt bad about it. What Real World’er has ever done that? I didn’t think you were allowed to. In fact, I thought just the opposite. After cheating, you’re supposed to rub it in your boy/girl friends face and say you just need your space.
DAVIS: A lot of gay. They’ve always had at least one gay cast member for the last I-don’t-know-how-many seasons. But for Davis, I guess they told him, “Look, we want you to do everything possible with your boyfriend when he comes to visit, and we promise we’ll air it. ALL of it.” I wouldn’t know if he and his boyfriend have anything in common other than having sex with each other. That’s all they seem to do. And oh yeah, shower together too. At least Stephen is learning that gay people are just as horny as the rest of us.
BROOKE: Lunacy. Currently battling Cece from “Beauty and the Geek” for most annoying reality TV female. I can deal with Jenn being a slut and spreading her legs for whoever walks by her. And I can even deal with Colie and her disease infested mouth. But Brooke’s fits of rage really seem to get under my skin. Especially when they’re all her fault. Probably the best moment of the season thus far was the conversation she had with her mom the first time she blew a gasket.
Brooke: “I can’t believe I’m still paying $700 rent back in L.A. and not even living there.”
Mom: “Honey, what are you talking about? You pay $438.”
Brooke: “Not with all my utilities and water and power and electricity.”
Mom: “Honey, we pay that.”
Brooke: “Well, whatever. You know what I mean.”
Actually, I don’t know what you mean other than you’re a spoiled brat who can’t lift a finger for herself. And she must be living in a dump if she’s got a place somewhere in LA for $700 month. Are you kidding me? What freeway is she living under? Brooke, I suggest you clean up after yourself, quit wearing ankle braces when you’re wearing heels, and shutup every once in a while. I’d love for the whole house to gang up on her so she’s quit, but you know it won’t happen. By the last episode, she’ll come full circle, love all her roommates, and will learn to throw her own garbage away. Congrats, Brooke. You are an inspiration to many others out there.
-With all that said, you gotta feel just a little bit sorry for this seasons cast, don’t you? I mean, look at the last 7 or 8 seasons of the “Real World” and the jobs that the cast was given: Tanning salons, doing a documentary, working for an Arena League Football team, producing a ½ hour TV show a week, etc. And what do these kids get stuck with? Climbing 12,000 foot mountains and leading tours of children to do the same. Huh? How’s that fair? I’d be pissed if I were them. Wow. They actually have to work. Well, except if your name is Brooke or Stephen. Then you just make up lame excuses to not work so you can go get a mani and pedi. Good one, Brooke. I can see why you’re so loved by your roommates.
February 24th, 2007
AMERICAN IDOL
-So, the big deal surrounding “Idol” this season so far has been the judges being meaner than in previous seasons. Huh? Has anyone ever watched the previous seasons? The audition episodes are the same exact thing every single year. They’ll show the horrible singers, Randy and Paula will laugh at them, then pop up from their chair when some bad singer hits a high note, or will turn away in shame if they’re God awful, or look over at the producers, and Simon will tell them they suck. Rinse and repeat for five seasons. Why are people shocked by this? The judges have been no different this season than they have in any previous season. Its ridiculous.
-Every single one of those lunatics who camps out the night before to audition knows exactly what they’re signing up for when they audition. If they are horrible, they are going to get ridiculed, regardless of how mean it sounds. Simon Cowell said in an interview recently that not one of these people has ever walked away before trying out because of what producers told them what MIGHT happen. They know exactly what they’re getting into and every single one of them would kill to be made fun of on national television, so lets not pretend like these people are that bothered by this.
-As for the two imparticular that Simon took heat for making fun of, the “Bush baby” kid, and his overweight friend who we came to find out later was part of the Special Olympics. Think those kids are still bothered that they were made fun of? I’m guessing not considering that Jay Leno sent them to Miami for Super Bowl Week as his correspondents. Yeah, that would’ve happened if they never appeared on “Idol”. Please. So he called the guy a “Bush baby”. I’d say that was a compliment if you ask me. And the other kid who he befriended, a spokesman for the Special Olympics actually released a statement afterwards APPLAUDING “Idol” for putting him on the show and giving him a chance. Yet, because Rosie O’Pig’s annoying self is upset about this, then we’re all supposed to be. I don’t hate many people in this world, but I can honestly say I hate Rosie O’Donnell. Go away. I’m on The Donald’s side on this one.
-Let’s make one thing clear about Simon as well. Of course he is the most critical of the three judges, but, Simon really only is degrading with the people who come in with attitude and think they’re the next Mariah, or Christina, or whoever. If you’re just a doofus who’s a terrible singer, but don’t bring in any attitude, and don’t think you should be the next American Idol because your friends told you so, sure he’ll tell you that was terrible, but for the most part, he’ll follow it with a “this just isn’t for you”. And if you remember, after “Bush baby” left the audition and the autisitic kid came in after him, they never criticized him. They were still laughing from the freak show friend of his who had just walked out, and when he sang “Amazing Grace”, within 5 seconds, we knew he was terrible. But they didn’t harp on it. “We like your spirit, this competition isn’t for you, etc..” How is that mean? Hey Rosie, when 37 million people tune in to see it, I guess its not that bad.
-Ok, enough shilling for “Idol”. I should be on their payroll the way I defend the show, but some people just get completely carried away when criticizing the show. You know who doesn’t like that show? “Music Guy”. You know who “Music Guy” is. You probably either know him personally or know someone who knows him. He’s that guy that only listens to music from bands that play in dive bars in front of 10 people on Friday and Saturday nights. And everything that’s mainstream, he hates. Why does he hate it? For no other reason than because it’s mainstream, and he’s trying to not conform to what everyone else likes. And inevitably, this guy is also a struggling musician. Who’s usually 100 lbs underweight, wears funky t-shirts, and ripped jeans. And smokes. A lot.
-It’s kinda hard to bash a television show that is the highest rated thing on television TWICE every week, two of its past winners have now won Grammys, and people that aren’t even finishing 1st or 2nd in the competition are outselling the winners. Did you see Chris Daughtry’s CD sold over 300,000 copies in its first week? Taylor was at about 296,000. And Katharine sold 116,000. I mean, I’m sure Katharine’s happy about selling any records, but to sell 150,000 less than Taylor in your first week is pretty brutal. Daughtry’s CD has sold over 1 million copies already - and he finished 5th! Think Mario Vazquez from Season 4 is regretting the decision to leave the show now? Basically he left because he didn’t want to be associated with “Idol” and locked into any contract with them. Hows that workin’ out for you now Mario? Do you realize Mario has actually released an album? Of course you didn’t because no one bought it. Great advice.
SURVIVOR
-We’re only one episode in, but I’m pretty disappointed that what looked to be like the best looking female on the show, Jessica, already got booted. That sucks. So far, I’m already into this season. This is the first season in a long time where, after the first episode, I actually know more than one or two people’s names. Why? Oh, I don’t know, maybe because this is the season of nicknames. “Boo”, “Dreamz”, “Rocky”, “Mookie”, “Papa Smurf”, “Yau Man” - oh wait, Yau Man is his name. Can we get a Mary or Jim in here? Is that too much to ask?
-Mark Burnett created “Survivor” and “Apprentice”. This season on the “Apprentice”, the winning team stays in the mansion and the losing sleeps in tents outside (more on this later). This season on “Survivor”, the winner of the first Immunity challenge gets the good island with the shelter along with a couch, a toiler, a shower, and kitchen utensils. The losing tribe gets a pot and a mechete. Coincidence? Yeah, probably not. Did Burnett really have to give the same gimmick to each show in the SAME season? Seems a bit of overkill to me. Although, it’s much more appropriate on “Survivor”. I have no idea what living in poor conditions does to determine whether or not you’re a good business person. Probably since the “Apprentice” sucks and its on its last legs, he’d figure he’d dig to the bottom of the barrel for a ratings gimmick.