A few things to get to today including reaction to Jake’s comments since being announced as the “Bachelor”. This guy is a piece of work. Also, some thoughts on “Survivor,” “Dancing with the Stars,” The “Hills,” The “Ruins,” plus some other TV notes. I can’t get to “Leave it Lamas” this week because I haven’t watched the premiere episode yet. Just haven’t had time to get around to it. Something tells me though I’m not missing much. Call me crazy.

The Bachelor

So ever since Jake sat in the audience of “DWTS” Tuesday night and they basically mocked him to his face, he’s made the rounds with the magazines giving his thoughts on the whole thing. I’ve cut and pasted quotes he gave to “US Weekly” and “People” below, then given you the real translation of what he was saying, in case you couldn’t figure it out for yourself.

US Weekly: (Link: “Jake Won’t Deal with Contestants Having Beaus Back Home”)

“It’s such a unique opportunity. I still cannot believe this is happening. How did I get here?” Translation: After hours and hours of praying on my knees and begging the producers to make me the “Bachelor”, and after Reid and Kiptyn wanted no part of the show anymore and turned it down, they finally succumbed and gave it to me. I’m so excited I celebrated with a glass of milk.

On coming on too strong with Jillian: “I was like, ‘Oh! Tone it down a bit!’ That’s what I took away from ‘The Bachelorette’. I was just so excited. I wanted her to like me because she’s so gorgeous and such a great person. And I tried just a little too hard.” Translation: You think? You mean falling in love with someone after one date is considered “trying too hard”. No way! If you were that ga-ga over Jillian after one stupid country western date, I can only imagine how many women you’ll want to propose to after the meet-and-greets. Maybe this will turn into a season of “Big Love” where Jake just says, “You know what? F— it. I want to marry four of these women.” Then they all run off to Utah and live happily ever after there.

On going to past Bachelors for tips: “I’ve seen a lot of other seasons, but I’m not planning on that. I want to go in fresh. I know that they are making a show that ultimately doesn’t have anything to do with my goals. I want to meet these girls, and I want to fall in love and let them down as gently as possible at the end.” Translation: Jake’s seen a lot of other seasons? Gee, never would’ve thought that. And yeah, probably not a good idea to get tips from previous Bachelors considering NONE of them are married. Exactly what type of keen insight is Lorenzo Borghese going to give you? Want some advice on how to take a punch from Byron Velvick? How about going to Jason Mesnick and asking him about the art of flip-flopping? The only one I’d talk to would be Jesse Palmer. The legend has it that he’s the one former Bachelor who’s laid pipe to the most former contestants. However, God might strike you down if you do that.

On what he’s looking for: “The four most important things to me are similar qualities — someone who is romantic, passionate, compassionate and protective…and will laugh at my jokes!” Translation: That’s what you call them? Jokes? Could’ve fooled me. I thought of them as the worst attempts at humor this side of Carlos Mencia.

“People” Magazine: (Link: “And the new Bachelor is…Jake!”)

“I’ve dated some really amazing girls, but I’ve never been successful at finding that one girl. And I saw how the whole thing comes together, the process with Jillian. I saw how the process works and I believe in it. That’s a unique way to meet somebody.” Translation: Yes, don’t we all believe in this process? You know, the one that has produced one wedding in 18 seasons? Why shouldn’t we? Those are unbelievable odds in your favor. Jake must not be much of a gambler.

“I fly on the weekends, play golf, go to a movie, but I’m not a couch potato. That’s the one thing I have to make these girls understand, I have a lot of energy. I love salsa dancing. Country dancing on a Thursday night in Dallas is really fun, too. I enjoy working with my hands, creating or building something, landscaping and doing garden work. Even if [a woman] didn’t enjoy doing the things that I do, I would want her to be a part of them because I love them so much.” Translation: Ladies, the line forms to the left if you want to go landscaping with Jake Pavelka. Yeah, I know a ton of chicks that just love getting down and dirty with garden work and landscaping. Total panty dropper. Usually those chicks have mullets and wear Timberland boots. And are huge WNBA fans. Good luck to you, Jake. Really. Knock em’ dead.

Like I’ve stated, can’t wait for this season to start. I believe the meet and greet was last night and some of our ladies have already been sent home. I wonder if Jake wrote each of them a handwritten note explaining why he had to let them go. Even though we all know the first night is based purely on looks. Ha ha. For as much as ABC hates me, they sure don’t do themselves any favors by casting a guy who lives in Dallas. Do they not think I’m gonna find stuff out? Idiots. Anyway, any good friends of Jakes want to hit me up with some stories, feel free to contact me at steve@realitysteve.com.

“Survivor”

I’ve always said that “Survivor” is probably my favorite reality show, along with “American Idol”. However with that said, there’s not a chance in hell I could ever make it on that show. Why? Last night’s episode. No, not the eating of bugs or anything like that. Although, one thing I absolutely cannot stand is getting bit by bugs. So yeah, that might do me in right there. But other than that, I don’t think I could ever deal with the sleeping at night during a thunderstorm. I can barely sleep during a thunderstorm when I’m inside on my bed. We had one the other night. I couldn’t imagine getting up during it, walking outside, laying a few bamboo sticks down, bringing out one blanket, and spending the whole night in it. Are you crazy? No thanks. I’ll stay in here where it’s nice and warm and I can cuddle with Maddie.

So I was alerted to cast list for next seasons “Heroes vs Villains” that’s already been filmed. Didn’t want to read the spoilers of what actually happens since it completely takes away any suspense the show has. “The Bachelor?” I could care less if I know who the final four and final two are. I don’t sit around during the rose ceremonies biting my fingernails wondering who’s gonna stay or who’s gonna leave. “Survivor” is a different animal. If I already know who’s leaving, then there’s no intrigue in the episode at all since you’ll be able to see through the editing, and you’ll already know which tribe wins Immunity. What fun is that, Eliza? Ha ha. Anyway, interesting cast list. I figured it would just be anybody who’s been on since the “Fans vs Favorites” season. Nope. They’re going way back. And over half the people on next season will be making their 3rd appearance on the show. Weird.

As for Eliza Orlins, you probably remember her from the “Vanuatu” season and “Fans vs Favorites”. Well, we are going to have her on shortly for a podcast to discuss all things “Survivor”. Won’t be a weekly segment, but I was thinking maybe I’ll do one right after the merge, and then right before the final four. Still haven’t decided yet. But look forward to that in the future.

“Dancing With the Stars”

Carrie Ann Inaba may be a hot cougar, but there’s something about her on the show that’s always annoyed me. However, she totally redeemed herself this week when she told Aaron Carter that he’s trying way too hard and his dancing is turning people off. Good. That’s what that little punk gets for running his mouth earlier this season. And I’m loving the behind-the-scenes feud he and Maksim are having. Maksim is basically claiming that everyone on set knows there’s something going on with Aaron and Karina, and Carter is denying. Plus, since Maks got the boot last week, he got in a little dig saying it’s been “less tense” on the set without Max around. Awesome. Sorry, I’m Team Max. Always have been. He’d squash Aaron Carter like a grape. He’d hop-shuffle-step-ball-chain all over his scrawny ass. I don’t even know if that’s the right dance lingo. Sounded good though. From the immortal “Dumb And Dumber”, “Kick his ass, Sea Bass!”

I wasn’t too down with these four new dances introduced this week. The Charleston and the Two-Step seemed way too hokey for me. Plus, the degree of difficulty wasn’t nearly what it is for the other dances. Although, the two-step this week did produce one of the worst dances in the history of the show when Louie and Chelsie danced. Holy crap. I don’t think Louie did one move the whole time. He perfected the art of walking and that was about it. If women didn’t find him as cute as a button and didn’t want to see him and Chelsie as a couple, he’d probably have been eliminated in Week 1. He was terrible this week.

Hey Aaron, it’s Michael “Irvin”, not Michael “Irving”. Amazing now he’s called him that on more than one occasion and no one’s corrected him on it. Then again, when the little nancy is crying on Michael Irvin’s shoulder after he gets a bad score, what are you gonna do? Kick him while he’s down? Well, I sure would. I usually like most of the contestants they’ve ever had on this show. Aaron Carter is a weenie. His dancing does bother me, he’s incredibly cocky, and he has a giant vein that runs down his forehead that scares the crap out of me. I feel like an alien is going to come shooting out of his forehead at any minute. Glad he was in the bottom two this week. Maybe that means the audience hates him too.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I’ve always been a fan of Derek Hough. Granted, he let one get away when he and Shannon Elizabeth broke up, but c’mon now, am I supposed to believe that he and Joanna Krupa aren’t doing the horizontal lambada? Please. The guy is practically pitching a tent every time during rehearsals. And their whole routine this week was essentially soft porn. What’s harder: to get a 10 from the judges, or Joanna’s implants? Hmmmm, tough one. Those things never move an inch. It’s like the doctor shoved two giant paper weights in those things.

“The Hills”

Dumping Lauren Conrad and adding Kristin Cavallari was just about the best damn decision that show ever made. Sure the show is still completely fake and ridiculous, but at least I get to enjoy seeing Kristin prance around my screen all slutty each week. I always liked Kristin back to the “Laguna Beach” days, but she is looking might fine these days. Damn. Obviously the whole Justin Bobby stuff is completely for television and there isn’t a chance in hell she’s with him, but it sure is fun to watch. Anytime Audrina gets less airtime or they’re making her look bad, I’m a happy man. The fact that Kristin moves in and completely starts mounting Audrina’s ex, then Audrina starts seeing Justin Bobby’s best friend behind his back pretty much tells you all you need to know about how scripted it is.

Brody’s girlfriend Jayde isn’t getting any better looking either. What happened to her? Why do I remember her being hot at some point? Or am I mixing her up with someone else? Whatever the case, she looks haggard nowadays. Since anyone associated with the Kardashian clan seems to be married or knocked up lately, I’m expecting Brody and her to announce and engagement or pregnancy any minute. Feel sorry for their future kid. Eyes will be going every which way but straight ahead.

“The Ruins”

Still haven’t watched this past Wednesday’s episode, but if it’s anything like the first two, it’s TV gold. Wes is a one man wrecking crew. I hope at some point this season he doesn’t make up with his teammates and they all become buddies again. This show is infinitely better with Wes banging a member of the other team, while his ex fiancée is on his team trying to convince him that he better not throw more challenges, or she’s selling their house and keeping the money since her name is on title. Awesome. You couldn’t make this stuff up if you tried. All the while, Johanna is now screwing Wes’ biggest enemy. If you’re not watching this show, you must. It is absolutely golden. All the challenges are taking a backseat this season to the Wes/Kelly Ann/Johanna/Kenny drama.

Not that I don’t think it was a genius call for casting her, but MTV definitely has a evil, dirty side to them. How else do you explain casting Shauvon on a show with physical challenges? C’mon. You know she’s only on this show for two reasons: to spread her legs for any guy that’s willing, and to pop one of her implants. Like they actually thought she could last in this game? Please. Every girl on that show either has the body of a tri-athlete, is 100lbs, or has no athletic ability but is a little pin-up slut. Shauvon is neither of those. And by the third episode, she’s face planting into the water bursting her enormous teet. Good for her. She seems to have found her calling in life. Other than ordering 5ths at the buffet.

I’ll have more to comment on this series in the next column that goes up. Probably my favorite reality show currently going right now. I hope that series never ends. They should do challenges until all those people are 50. And at any point if they want to give Wes or Kenny their own show once they get married, be my guest. Just tell me the time and day and I’ll set my TiVo. Although, something tells me we would inevitably get the, “Wes goes to jail” episode during that series. Or Wes commits murder.

Other Random Tidbits:

-I thought the “Office” wedding episode was one of the better wedding episodes ever pulled off. Usually those episodes don’t live up to the hype whatsoever, but that one was really, really good. The rip off of the You Tube wedding was a classic and fit perfect with the show. Great stuff. I’d kinda been down recently on the “Office” but that episode restored my faith.

-Best new show of the season? “Modern Family” on ABC. Another half hour comedy done in the faux-documentary style, but its surprisingly good. Watching all the promos before the season, I didn’t expect much. But the writing on that show is very clever, and the weenie husband is hilarious. It’s funny to see Penny from “Lost” on “Flash Forward” this season, and now Jack Sheppard’s wife is on “Modern Family”. When is Hurley gonna make his appearance on “Private Practice”?

-”Flash Forward” is another good new show, however, I’m worried that its got about one good season in it, and then will completely go sideways. I mean, after April 29th, 2010, where does the show go from there? Everything this season is leading up to that date. Seems like anything after that will be anti-climatic. We’ll see. Good stuff so far though.

-Less than 2 weeks until the best drama on TV returns: “Friday Night Lights”, Wednesday, Oct. 28th on Channel 101 of DirecTV. If you don’t have it, go get it, or else you’re probably gonna be waiting til next summer to watch season 4. Even though characters are graduating and we’ll be seeing less and less of some of our favorites, the show has always been built around Coach Taylor and his wife. So with him at a new school, and her still working at Dillon, should get interesting this season.

-Lastly, I need to discuss Balloon Boy. Glad the kid is ok and all, but geez. What a circus that was. If you don’t follow me on Twitter (www.twitter.com/RealitySteve), my thoughts are this: Building balloon space crafts for fun and being storm chasers is not normal. So tell this father to stop getting offended that people are asking if this was a hoax. You like driving into the eye of storms while filming, you’ve already appeared on reality TV twice, and you named your kid Falcon for god sakes. How are we supposed to take you seriously?

-At least Falcon brought a little humor to the situation this morning when Meredith Vieria was trying to be serious, and the kid decided it was time to show everyone what he had for breakfast this morning. Awesome. The puking happens right around the 5:58 mark. I love the fact that NBC zooms in on the kid puking, then only after he gets sick a 2nd time do they realize, “Yeah, maybe we shouldn’t be showing this.” You stay classy, “Today” show. Here’s the video:

Ok, that’s all for this week. I’ll be back in the next couple weeks with more stuff, as well as a podcast with Eliza Orlins discussing “Survivor” and other things. Join me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter by scrolling over to the right hand column and clicking the respective link. Any questions, comments, praises, criticisms, feedback, or love for all that is Reality Steve, email me at steve@realitysteve.com. Until next time.

Administrator Reality Roundup, The Bachelor 14 - Jake

It’s been a while, I know. Just decided to take some time off for no other reason than I felt like it. Not many summer shows I was watching anyway, and nothing really happening on the “Bachelor” front considering the season doesn’t start until Jan. 4th and they haven’t even begun taping yet, so I didn’t think there was much to write about. Now that we’re back in the swing of things, seems like a good time to start writing again. No idea how often, but I did have some things to get off my chest regarding numerous topics, so here we go.

The Bachelor

-Shocking that people have been beating down my door ever since it was announced that on the live results show of “Dancing with the Stars” on Oct. 13th, ABC will announce who the next bachelor is. Sure, the rumors have been flying around ever since Jillian’s season, but that’s all they’ve been. Rumors. The only people who know for sure who it will be are Chris Harrison, Mike Fleiss, and the powers that be at ABC and Next Entertainment. Anyone else who tells you they know for sure is lying. I’m not gonna sit here and tell you I know for sure who it’s going to be. But I will tell you what all indications are pointing to and that I’d be surprised if it wasn’t this person.

-Before we get to that, lets discuss the candidates. Reid, Kiptyn, and Jake are the three guys from last season being considered, as well as people from the outside. I can almost guarantee you right here that it will NOT be someone from the outside. I do believe they are going the recycled route. Which makes sense, and I have no problem with that. You have to understand it from ABC’s perspective. Regardless of if its Reid, Kiptyn, or Jake, each one of them already has a built in audience. Just because you might hate Reid, doesn’t mean tons of women wouldn’t want to see him as the “Bachelor”. Same goes for the other two. Each of them brings their own positives and negatives to the table. So regardless of who they choose, as in any season when they bring in a recycled person, there will be fans, and there will be haters. Simple as that.

-From the numerous sources I’ve been in contact with and regardless of what some bogus website put out three months ago, I don’t believe Kiptyn is the guy. All indications are the guy doesn’t want to do it. His reasons? Hell if I know, but I just don’t think he’s into it. Which leaves Reid vs Jake. I said months ago (I believe on Twitter), that there was no chance Jake would be the next Bachelor. That was strict personal opinion probably because I thought the guy was way too cheesy and too corny to carry a show. Well, looks like I was wrong. All indications are that Jake is all set to be the next Bachelor. Could I be wrong? Sure. But would I be surprised if he’s not the next Bachelor? Yes, I would be. Does Jake know he’s the next Bachelor? Possibly. I honestly think ABC keeps these guys in limbo so that it doesn’t officially get out. So sure, until ABC officially announces it, they have the right to change their mind up until the last second. But I believe come October 13th, we’ll be seeing Jake Pavelka announced as our next Bachelor. I’ve been wrong before, and I’m sure I’ll be wrong in the future, but I’d be surprised if it wasn’t him after everything I’ve heard.

-Look, I honestly don’t care who they cast as the “Bachelor”. I have no vested interest in the show other than writing and making fun of it. And honestly, of those three guys, I think Jake gives me the most material to work with. The sole reason why I personally didn’t think he’d be the next bachelor (too cheesy and corny), are probably two of the reason why he will be. The guy is a lay down. Look, he told Wes to his face (and you heard it in the Wes interview), that he was on the show because “he wanted America to fall in love with him so he could be the next bachelor”. So he will do anything those producers tell him to do, and I just don’t think Kiptyn and Reid were willing to go that route. Jake will be putty in ABC’s hands. The guy wants it so bad that he’s willing do whatever they tell him. Don’t fall for the, “Oh gosh golly darn gee” routine that he layed on thick last season. The guy had a plan from the get go, and it looks like it’s gonna pan out for him. Good. Can’t wait to have millions of laughs at his expense.

-On a final note, Chris Harrison tweeted over the weekend that he was here in Dallas (hmmm, maybe a couple pre-show pep talks with Jake?) and attended some event at Stonebriar Country Club. Huh? What? My boy Harrison was in town and didn’t bother to hit me up? Especially since he was at the club I eat lunch at least two or three times a week? I’m disappointed in you Chris. I could’ve showed you around. Oh well. Maybe next time. You hurt my feelings. How dare you walk the grounds at Stonebriar and not tell me about it. I’m a two minute car ride from there.

-As for the rumored “Bachelor: All Stars” show, I’ll believe that when I see it. No one has yet to report what exactly this show is. Is it going to be just like the show, only with ALL recycled contestants? Is it going to be like “Big Brother” where it’s just a bunch of former contestants living in a house for a month and we get to see the drama? Or is it going to be like “RW/RR Challenge” type stuff with all former contestants? The fact that nobody has reported what kind of show this is going to be makes me think it’s not going to happen. I’ve always thought that a “RW/RR Challenge” type show with all former “Bachelor/ette” contestants could be interesting since half of them have already hooked up with each other. Throw about 20 of them in a house and I guarantee they’ll be sex, lying, and cat fights. That could be interesting. But hey, whoever is putting the show together, you have to make sure Jesse Csincsak is a part of it. He might throw a hissy fit if he’s not.

Dancing With the Stars

-A lot of little things hit on regarding this season. Really no need to sit and dissect every single couple and how they’ve done so far. The three couples eliminated already I have no problem with. Kathy Ireland just wasn’t very good. Same with Ashley Hamilton. And Macy Gray just didn’t seem like she wanted to be there. Good riddance you three. See you at the finale. Some other thoughts to ponder while watching the show:

-So how long before Derek and Joanna are hittin it, if they aren’t already? With Shannon Elizabeth no longer in the picture, I’m sure it’s only a matter of time. Sex seems to run rampant on this show. Speaking of that….

-Real shocking to hear Maksim and Karina broke off their engagement. Not. Gee, she dates Mario Lopez, they break up, and six months later her and Maksim are engaged? Didn’t I say back then they’ll never walk down the aisle? Maksim and Karina should probably be put in as many duets as possible on the results show this season just so we can deal with the awkwardness.

-And I’m sure Maksim constantly kissing and rubbing Debi Mazar is done on purpose to piss Karina off. By far, Maksim is the most touchy feely of all the male dancers. Which I find odd this season since he’s dancing with a tranny who has an awful lisp. God, I’d be telling her to shut up all the time too.

-On the other side, reporters are already asking Aaron Carter if he’s gonna start getting in Karina’s pants since she has a penchant for spreading her legs for her dancers. He’s says no, but not because he doesn’t think she’s hot. It’s because he wants to see Chelsie Hightower naked. He’s already openly admitted he wants her and has made it known to her already. They’ll be dating before the end of this season. Guaranteed.

-Aaron went on an LA radio show on Monday and guaranteed he and Karina will win. Also says Donnie Osmond and Mya will be in the finals with them. Uhhhh, ok Aaron. Whatever you say. You’re a douche and considering the audience ultimately has the final say in who wins this thing, since by the end of the season, all the scores are within a couple points of each other, you’re probably not winning over too many fans with that statement. Stick to hitting on Chelsie and keep the predictions to yourself.

-How come Carrie Ann and Len are able to give their comments while sitting down, yet Bruno is constantly standing up, pointing, gyrating, and screaming his critiques? Oh yeah. Forgot. He’s a nutball. After nine seasons though, I still haven’t decided if I find him wildly entertaining, or a complete nuisance. I guess each show that has a judging panel needs the eccentric whack job in there.

-Since I’m not a professional dancer, I guess this is why I don’t understand this. But you know what I find most amazing about the female dancers? It’s how they perform a whole routine with spins, jumps, twists, twirls, turns, and runs and they do it all in heels. I thought it was painful to just walk in heels, let alone dance in them. So kudos to all female professional dancers. As for the guys, they only get credit for dancing in tight pants that cut off circulation to their boys.

Survivor

-Russell is TV gold. Coming off a season with a guy like Coach, you needed a character that everyone will be talking about long after the season ends. Well, we sure got one with Russell. What a piece of work this guy is. For those that don’t know, both seasons 19 and 20 were filmed back-to-back over the summer in Samoa. Season 20 which will begin airing in February, is a “Heroes vs Villains” concept with all former contestants. Russell basically stayed behind and filmed that season as well, so get used to seeing him on your television. The cast for “Heroes vs Villains” hasn’t been released yet, but I’m guessing it probably won’t be too hard to figure out some of the people who will be on it. I’m sure Coach, Tyson, and Sierra from “Tocantins” will be on it. Ace, Sugar, Corinne, and Randy from “Gabon”. Depends how far they are going back. Maybe they’ll go the James, Parvati, Ozzy, Amanda route again. Not sure. It’ll get out soon enough since the season is already done filming.

The Hills

-Yes, it’s only been one episode, but already this season in infinitely more interesting than the last three combined and that’s all because of Kristin Cavallari. Sure, most of you probably liked Lauren and hell of a lot more, but lets face it. Her life on the show was boring. Nothing ever happened with her, yet she pocketed over $100k an episode. Must be nice. Anyway, the reason I like Kristin back on the show so much? Because she doesn’t care about throwing the show under the bus and admitting it’s all fake. Here, read this and tell me if you actually think that any one millisecond on that show is what really happens in these peoples lives.

“The Hills: New Star Kristin Cavallari is Ready to put on a Show”

Awesome. She’s already my favorite person on the cast, and it has nothing to do with her being hot now. Never really cared for her on “Laguna Beach”, but I must say, she’s looking a lot better these days. Call her a man whore, call her a piranha, call her a skank, whatever. She’s acting for the show. She does what they tell her to do. Kinda like Jake will this season. So I don’t put much stock into her character on the show. Where can I buy my “Team Kristin” shirt.

-I thought Spencer legally changed his name to King Spencer? Why isn’t anyone on the show referring to him as such? Oh that’s right, because he’s a full on douchenozzle. Anything that Spencer and Heidi do for attention we should all just laugh at. It’s funny how all the tabloids make fun of them and constantly mention how annoying and unimportant they are, yet they sit there and cover their every move. Kind of hypocritical if you ask me. Just let anything they say or do go in one ear and out the other, and eventually they’ll go away.

-When we get the episodes this season of Holly Montag hitting the bottle, there better be an intervention episode that includes Sanjaya. I need that guy to come to the rescue for his “friend” Holly. The more Sanjaya the better. Did I just say that?

-So Audrina is gonna leave the “Hills” for her own reality show produced by Mark Burnett? Why do I have a feeling that’ll never hit the air? I’m still in utter amazement that a genius like Burnett would associate himself with a dingbat like her. What possibly could be interesting in Audrina’s life to have cameras following her around every day? Unless they’re going to show her failing on audition calls and her late night booty calls with some L.A. bad boy, then I don’t want to see it.

Other Random Tidbits

-For some reason, music has been on my mind a lot recently. Usually when I’m in my car, I’m listening to sports talk radio, but recently there have been a few music issues that I must address. First off, Boyz II Men has released a cover of Journey’s “Open Arms”. As some of you may know since I’ve mentioned it in the past, it’s by far my favorite slow song of all time. And surprisingly enough, Boyz II Men didn’t butcher it. Of course, it’s not the original, but it’s also not half bad either. Who would’ve thought the guys dancing in sweater vests to “Motown Philly” would still be relevant 20 years later?

-You know that one song every time it comes on the radio, you find it stuck in your head the rest of the day? Almost to the point of where if it doesn’t leave your head, you feel like taking a hammer to your skull to knock it out of there? I’ve come across that song recently. It’s Miley Cyrus’ “Party in the USA”. Holy crap. I fall asleep now with “And the Britney song was on, and the Britney song was on, Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…it’s a party in the USA” running through my head. Someone please stop it now.

-Granted, what Kanye did to Taylor Swift at the VMA’s was totally uncalled for, but geez, that’s like the 10th most annoying thing he’s done in his career. That whole ordeal was completely overblown. Look people, it’s not like she won an Oscar for Best Actress in a Drama in her first nomination ever. It was a stupid, media created awards show that’s done all for fun. I mean, c’mon. Was she really backstage crying and so upset because someone upstaged her VMA award? Please. Kanye’s an egotistical ass, and always will be. Let’s not act like the guy flashed his junk to all of America. He grabbed the mic and said Beyonce makes great videos during a stupid, 3rd rate awards show. Lets calm down. It’s ok Taylor. Go back to making teenie bopper love songs and win one next year. “Marry me Juliet, you’ll never have to be alone…”

-Maybe because I’m a guy I’m not supposed to understand this, but what is the worlds fascination with vampire stories now? The whole “Twilight” thing, then “True Blood” on HBO, now the “Vampire Diaries” on the CW. This is a chick thing, right? No guys are invested in this crap are they? This is strictly for hopeless romantics that like ogling over that pale, underweight, looks-like-he-hasn’t-slept-in-a-week Robert Pattinson, right? I just don’t get it. No, I haven’t read any of the “Twilight” books, nor watched five seconds of “True Blood” or “Vampire Diaries”. And I don’t plan to. It just seems like Hollywood is bleeding this vampire craze dry right now. Maybe that’s a good thing since it’ll get old real fast. Just assure me that, as a male, I’m really not missing out on anything here. Something tells me all this vampire craze is aimed towards females between the ages of 15 and 17. Ha ha.

-Within the last two months, I was about to go out with a girl until I looked at her Facebook page, and her status said “In a Relationship”. When I asked her why she had agreed to go out with me even though her page said that, her response was: “Well, I’ve been talking to this guy every day for the last few weeks that my friend set me up with. He lives out of state and I haven’t met him yet, but he’s coming in town in a couple weeks and I really think we’ll end up being a couple. I felt he’d get mad if I didn’t put that as my status.” Oh boy. Easily one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard come out of girls mouth in my lifetime.

-And finally, I want to send all my love to Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian on their recent nuptials. I hope you enjoy the many long minutes together before you ultimately decide to end this farce of a relationship. Just don’t screw up the Lakers this season, Lamar. You realize the minute you start playing like crap, everyone will be blaming Chyna. I hope you’re ready to defend him because it’s definitely coming.

Any questions, comments, emails, criticisms, praises, email me at steve@realitysteve.com. Next column will appear probably after the official announcement of the “Bachelor” on October 13th. Until then.

Administrator Reality Roundup, The Bachelor 14 - Jake

-Sorry I’m a couple days late, but in case you don’t follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you will know that Friday got a little hectic. Around noon I got an email from EXTRA TV asking if they could do a Skype interview with me that would air on Monday night before the finale. So of course I was interested in something like that, however, I didn’t have a webcam nor had I downloaded Skype yet. So I ran to the store, bought a camera, created a Skype account, and did the interview. They just asked me my predictions for what I think happens in the finale, and I told them pretty much exactly what I said in this column two weeks ago (which we’ll get to later). So that took up most of Friday and I apologize for the two day delay. The interview is set to air on tonight’s episode of “EXTRA”, so check your local listings for when it’s on. I’m working on getting a link to it once it airs and I’ll put it up on the site for people that miss it. No, Maddie did not make an appearance. She was sleeping in the other room. It’s just me sitting at my computer in front of the camera. Very bizarre being able to communicate with someone that way. Just think, fifteen years ago I got my first cell phone and was stoked that Verizon gave 20 free minutes a month! Now I can have a conversation on the computer with someone while looking at them for free. Crazy.

“Jon & Kate”

-This isn’t necessarily about them but one of the new women Jon is “involved” with. The first pictures we saw of him with a new chick was with the 22 year old daughter of the doctor who performed Kate’s tummy tuck, Hailey Glassman. Excellent choice Jon because we all know that 22 year old potheads fresh off of Spring Break are ready to be in a serious relationship with a 33 year old guy suffering a mid-life crisis who is recently divorced and has eight children. I see wedding bells in their future, no doubt. That is, of course, if he doesn’t stop spending weekends in the Hamptons with “Star” magazine reporters. Man, this guy is finally free after ten years in handcuffs and he can’t wait to start spreading his seed everywhere. Calm down, Jon. Just days after pictures surfaced of he and Hailey in a NY park holding hands, then another one surfaces of him leaving a NY restaurant with Kate Major, a reporter for “Star” magazine. Kate says they’re just friends and leaves it at that. Three days pass by, Kate and Jon are reportedly staying with Michael Lohan in the Hamptons, Hailey has no idea Jon is even seeing someone else, and Kate Major resigns her post at “Star” due to a “conflict of interest” because she’s “fallen for Jon.” Awesome. You couldn’t write this stuff.

-Anyway, the point I’m getting at here is once I saw the picture of Jon and Kate Major leaving the NY restaurant, something struck me. Her name sounded very familiar. Then when I read she was a reporter for “Star” magazine I realized this is the same woman I spoke to at “Star” when I broke the Jason/Molly/Melissa news last season, the same woman who I did the email interview with this season on the “Bachelorette” guys allegedly being paid to appear, and the same woman I’ve been in contact with since the beginning of this season through email. So naturally, when I first saw the picture at the restaurant, I sent her a quick email basically saying, “Hey, I’m sure you’re getting bombarded but sorry that happened to you. All you did was have dinner with the guy and now you’re being pinned as his new girlfriend.” Then three days later she quits her job saying she’s “fallen for him.” So what did I do yesterday? Well seeing is she doesn’t work for “Star” magazine anymore and she probably didn’t get my email, I texted her. We’ve traded texts a few times over the last month or so. So I asked Kate Major if there is any way she’ll come on and do an interview with me explaining everything that’s gone down. Haven’t heard back, and honestly, I’d be shocked if I did. But hey, I tried. I need to ask her what she really sees in a recently divorced 33 year old who wears Ed Hardy shirts, is constantly on his blue tooth, and how serious she is about getting serious with a guy with eight kids and a mega bitch of an ex-wife. Kate, the floor is yours. I anxiously awaiting a return response.

“More To Love”

-This is the “Bachelor/ette” spin off show by genius Mike Fleiss that begins airing tomorrow night after the “ATFR” show. Same exact premise as the “Bachelor”, pretty much the same format as well, but everyone on the show is overweight. The “Bachelor” guy I believe is 330 lbs and I believe the skinniest girl on the show is 180lbs. A lot of you have asked me if I’m going to be covering this show. I mean, I’ll watch it, but if you’re expecting a “Bachelor” type column every week about it, that’s not gonna happen. I don’t really know how to say this other than the show itself is already a joke, so nothing that I add will make it any funnier. I’m going to take the advice of Chris Rock, whose most recent comedy special aired again on HBO last night and that I watched for the 3rd time. What he said pretty much fits well into my feelings about this show. Essentially he says if you’re overweight, you can curse out the skinny bitches all day long, and no one bats an eye. Fat people are constantly whining about, “She’s too skinny. Look at her. Ya’ anoxeric, peanut eating, bulimic son of a bitch.” But if you’re skinny and a size 2, you can’t talk about fat people and make fun of them. Why? “That’s just mean.” And its true. Overweight people are constantly jealous and bitching about skinny women and no one tells them to shut up. But if you’re a smoking hot model, what good does it do to call some overweight person a “fat pig”. Makes you look like a conceited ass. Bottom line: There’s no need to cover this show. I’d much rather make fun of wannabe models and reality stars than overweight people. That’s just me. I’ll stick to the “Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” franchise, thank you.

“America’s Got Talent”

-I like this show. I do. It’s totally corny, cheesy, and completely over-the-top, but it is what it is. That’s what you get when you host a talent show. A bunch of goofy ass people doing stupid sh** to get on TV. No surprise there. And it seems like the audition episodes have been going for about three months now. I don’t even remember half the acts that made it through to Vegas. No idea. I just always find it amazing that when they get to the top 10 or 20, usually over half the people left are singers. So isn’t this basically “American Idol Lite?” The little red headed girl, Bianca Ryan, won season 1. She’s a singer. Terry Fator won season two as the singing comedian ventriloquist. And last season, the big guy Neil was an opera singer. Look, if the winning prize is a million dollars and headlining a Vegas show, then it stands to reason the winner is probably going to have to be either a singer or a comedian. I guess a dance troupe could headline a Vegas show, but nothing that I’ve seen this year is that good. You pretty much know when you watch these acts what even has a remote chance of winning and what doesn’t. And you also know that the very first act they show in the auditions will always be an absolute bomb that gets booed off stage and the last act they, the “final act of the day”, is always some inspirational singer that has a background story which will make you cry. Pretty much a given with this show.

“The Bachelorette” Finale

-As I stated two weeks ago in my “Bachelorette Recap 7/13/09″, I gave everyone my opinion of what I THINK happens tonight. Yes, I knew the ending last season. This season I don’t. Trust me, if I knew what was going to happen, I’d tell you. Didn’t stop me last season, so I don’t see why it would’ve this season. However, I have a pretty good idea by all the information I’ve gathered over the last month and I stated that two weeks ago. Nothing has really changed over the last couple weeks in regards to what I think happens. I’m just starting to feel a little more strongly about a couple of things. Chris Harrison tweeted yesterday that the last hour of the show is one of the best hours they’ve ever done. Yes, I know, Chris is the king of hyperbole, but seriously, he wouldn’t put that out there if something dramatic didn’t happen. As for Jillian, we know in all interviews she certainly isn’t acting like someone who’s in love, engaged, or if she even is seeing anyone. Could that be because ABC told her not to give anything away or is that just how she feels? Guess we’ll find out. I’m leaning towards the latter. Jillian in interviews has also eluded to the fact that something pretty wild goes down in the last 5 minutes of the show. Also, we’ve been told one of the guys has a “confession” to make. So with all that being said, here’s what I know for a fact:

-The final 1 is not Kiptyn: Since the last five minutes of the show are crazy, I can logically assume Kiptyn will be the first one out of the limo and to the altar so she can dump him.

Also, I have it on pretty good authority that this will not be a regular ending where one guy proposes, she says yes, and everyone is happy. Something is going to go down either before, during, or after the FRC which is why it’s unlike anything we’ve seen. So with that said, what you’ll see in the “EXTRA” piece airing tonight is me giving my predictions for what I think happens. I said it two weeks ago, and I’ll say it again: I don’t think we are going to get any definitive resolution at the end of this episode tonight. There will be some sort of cliffhanger involving Ed and the reappearance of Reid. Maybe Ed doesn’t propose and they’re just dating. Maybe Ed proposes, then Reid proposes, and she tells them she needs time to make her decision. Maybe Ed proposes and she says no. Maybe she already is engaged. I just think that if they’re gonna schedule an “ATFR” tomorrow night, then there’s gotta be a reason for the audience to tune in. They’ve had enough of the “happy couple” ATFR’s that they gotta know, at this point, that’s not good enough anymore. So even though I’m not giving a definitive answer here, I’ll just say that tonight we will not see any sort of conclusion to Jillian’s journey, they will leave us with a cliffhanger, and we will learn more come Tuesday. The reappearance of Reid, and Ed being a douchenozzle will end up playing a role into Jillian’s ultimate decision, which I think we’ll get on Tuesday night. I have a feeling tonight we’re gonna get left in the dark on what, if any, decision Jillian made regarding Ed and Reid. If you go to ABC’s site, in the ad for the Bachelorette it even says, “Trust us, you won’t believe what happens.” So can we really expect this thing to end with a normal engagement? I just don’t see it. She is either with Ed, or she is with no one. That’s my opinion, and I’m sticking to it. And if she is with Ed, I’ll say they last about 3 months. Tops. Enjoy the show tonight.

-One last thing about Ed since a lot of you have been asking. I mentioned a couple weeks ago about rumors of a girlfriend back home, and I left it at that: a rumor. Sure I’ve made jokes about it since where there’s smoke, there’s fire. But never once have I stated for a fact that I’ve confirmed Ed had a girlfriend while on the show. And I still won’t. Only because this girl in question has refused to speak to me as of now. She’s told people through three different channels that she is going to lay low for a bit. However, I’m beginning to think there’s some legitimacy to all this. If Ed gets painted in a good light tonight, I’d say watch out. I have a feeling that isn’t gonna sit well and this story is going to have legs. She knows I’m looking for her and she has free reign to talk to me whenever she wants, but if not, don’t think she might not run her mouth somewhere else. I hate to break it to all you “Jed” fans (god I hate those ridiculous celebrity couple names), but your boy is not a saint. Far from it. Too many people have come forward admitting he’s a snake and not nearly enough people are defending him. Brought on the show late as one of the five extra guys, leaves mid-show to attend to “business” matters, comes back professing his love and now he wants to be married? Please. Not buying it. We’ll see what happens tonight, but I’ve got a feeling this isn’t over. Especially since there are emails and texts from Ed to his ex proving otherwise that are out there and that people have seen. If I were her, I’d come forward with all this, but hey, that’s just me. Kinda ironic how they painted Wes all season as the guy with the girlfriend back home, yet, it could end up being the guy who ends up the final one who had a girlfriend all along. Stay tuned.

Any questions, comments, emails, praises, criticisms, your thoughts on the finale, feel free to email me at steve@realitysteve.com.

Administrator Reality Roundup, The Bachelorette 5 - Jillian

-Apparently I ruffled some feathers yet again. The media attention from Tuesday’s column is a hell of a lot more than I ever expected. Especially since some of the reporting of what I said is flat out wrong. Nice journalism. I’ve been informed by a Canadian reader that on the Canadian version of “Entertainment Tonight”, the reporter actually quoted my website by saying “Reality Steve says Kiptyn was paid $50,000 to appear on the show”. I challenge anyone to find the part of Tuesday’s column where I said that. I said this in a Reality Roundup column on 3/27/09 (check the archives) and I brought it up again Tuesday. What I said was I know two guys who were offered $50,000 to come on the show and TURNED IT DOWN. I then speculated that MAYBE ABC decided to offer money to other people, but I didn’t know. All I knew for sure was two people were offered money and turned it down. So once again, selective reading by people. Never ceases to amaze me. Would I be surprised if one or two guys on this season were paid to come on? Of course not. But if it happened, I would have no idea who were the guys who accepted money, and neither will anyone else since the guys in question and ABC would never admit to it. So it’s a moot point.

-Then we get some website called BuddyTV.com that runs the most misleading headline of a column I’ve ever seen. Check out this link:

“Reality Steve Claims Men Paid to Act Single”

See how one headline can be so misleading. Saying that “men are paid to act single” implies that the guys that were paid, if there were any, all had girlfriends. If they said, “Reality Steve Claims Men Paid to Come on Show”, well, even that wouldn’t be 100% accurate because that would imply that I know some of the men this season were paid to come on. Is it possible? Yes. Do I know it for a fact? No. I just know that two were offered and rejected it. So the bottom line is, the headline of this column should’ve been, “Reality Steve Claims Men MIGHT’VE Been Paid to Come on Show”. The funny thing about this column is the whole column is just ripping quotes from what I wrote Tuesday. There’s nothing in it that’s their own original material. So thank you for the exposure BuddyTV.com, whoever you are.

-I haven’t picked up my copy yet, but I was also interviewed over email by “Star” magazine this week, so pick that up this weekend if you get a chance. I really hope that one didn’t misquote me since I have email proof of everything I answered. “Star” did a good job last time when they interviewed me, so I can’t imagine I can be misquoted on something I answered back in an email. And if I am, well, maybe I’ll just bust out the email and print it for all those to see. But I haven’t read the article yet, so I don’t know what it says. Basically just asked about the guys this season, who might be on to advance their career, were some of the guys paid, and so on. And my answer was no different than what I’ve said on my blog for the last couple months. I told them exactly what I know is fact, and then what I know to be rumored. I clearly distinguished between the two.

-Enough about the bad press, here is someone who deserves credit for what they wrote in regards to my column on Tuesday. Lindsay Connor, who writes for the “Examiner.com”, completely took what I said and didn’t jump to conclusions like the others. Here’s the link to what she wrote, and honestly, she probably wrote it better than I did:

“Bachelorette Scripted By Producers?”

A job well done by Lindsay and I figured she should get recognized for it. That’s how you take what I said and write a column. Not jump to conclusions and put your own spin on it.

-I want to make one thing clear. What happened last season on the “Bachelor” was probably a once in a lifetime event. I happened to get lucky and the information fell into my lap. Do I have sources this season? Yes. But when nothing really crazy is happening, there’s really nothing to report. Yes, a bachelor goes home on Monday and there’s a mini-story there, but it’s nothing of the magnitude of the Jason/Molly/Melissa fiasco. Nothing will ever come close to that. I’m not making stuff up just to get attention. Didn’t do it last season (as you all realized once the finale aired) and am not doing it this season. All I’m doing is reporting what I hear from my sources. In addition, I specify exactly what I know to be 100% true, and I specify what is still speculation. This season, what is 100% true is Dave was told to act nervous during the meet-and-greet and that “silence” was re-shot three times (more on Dave in a second), that there were two men offered money to be on the show this year that turned it down, and the storyline of a bachelor leaving the show in Monday’s episode. Whether you choose to believe me when I say those things is up to you, but I think I’ve built up enough credibility based on what I told you last season.

-I’m not making stuff up so I can appear in magazines or other internet sites. If that’s what people find interesting and they want to run it, great. Just get your facts straight. My main objective with my blog has always been to entertain first, and to point out how ridiculously fake the show is second. That’s it. It’s what I do. If you don’t want to hear about how contestants are told to do certain things, and you don’t want to hear how manipulating the show is, then this probably isn’t the site for you. I write a recap in my own sophomoric, slanted, skewed view of how I see it, and I try to include moments either that I think are fake, or know are fake. I think my ultimate goal in life is to convince every single person who watches this show to watch it for pure entertainment value and nothing else. If you really get attached to these people, and really think people are on this show to find love and ABC is creating a love story themselves, then you are watching for the wrong reasons and will ultimately be disappointed. This isn’t real. This isn’t reality. These people are put in situations and essentially told what to do and say. So calling it “reality” is BS. I could go on and on with examples, but I think you get the point. It’s my job to just enlighten you about the farce this show is once I come into some information.

-As for Dave and Juan, they had their conference call yesterday with the media that I got a chance to listen to and take notes. I was going to post what I had taken down, but another site did it much more thoroughly, so I’ll just link to them. I’ve read both of these columns and basically this is what was said. RealityTVworld.com and RealityWanted.com do these interview recaps every week with the booted bachelor/s, so it’s always a good read. They obviously record it and transcribe it, so it’s much more thorough than the chicken scratch I came up with. Here are the links if you want to hear what both guys had to say:

Dave’s Interview

Juan’s Interview

I think I’m going to start having the links to these conference call interviews up every Friday from now on. If either of these sites haven’t posted anything by the time my column is up, I’ll just recap what I had from my notes. Essentially, Dave’s point about his behavior was that we saw 1% of what he’s really like, and ABC knew they had good material so they ran with it. I fully expected him to say that. Once again, I can’t feel sorry for him because that’s what this show does. If he didn’t know that, or doesn’t like it, then he shouldn’t have gone on the show.

The one thing I want to point out from this interview was the thing I pointed out in my column this week about his “nervousness” being something he was told to do. He got asked that in the interview (not specifically about what I said, but about was he really “tongue tied” that night), and be sure to read his answer. I will say this. I was listening to this conference call. I heard how he answered the question, and let me just say, you could tell that he was hiding the fact it was something he was put up to. When he first started to answer the question, he laughed, then paused, then hesitated before giving the answer. Here’s what I was able to transcribe from his answer. This is directly from my notes.

“No, I wasn’t really. They wanted us to have a plan, an idea. Stand out from everyone else. I’m confident, borderline cocky person. That would turn her off. I thought the best idea for me was to act nervous and star struck. It worked. She called me out on it. That was my idea.”

Sure it was his idea. An idea that was put into his head by producers. I mean, the guy basically just admitted it was all an act. If he would’ve said, “No, I really found it hard to speak to her. I was star struck”, then you can question the validity to what I said. But he basically confirms it was something he came up with, which is an easy way to answer the question without giving away that someone else told him to do it. Man I love being proven right.

“Jon & Kate Plus 8″

-I want to congratulate “US Weekly” for now having a “Jon and Kate” story on the cover for seven consecutive weeks. Seven!!!! Holy crap. There’s actually a small part inside me that wants to leave these people alone. Well, not really. Especially after seeing this clip. Kate and the kids were set to go live in an on air interview recently and one of them was thirsty and wanted some water. Kate, being Mega Bitch Mom of the Year, basically withheld water from her daughter. But hell if she didn’t take a sip herself. Unbelievable. No wonder the kid thinks she’s mean. She really does this. You know what, I’m glad Jon is boinking some 23 year old. Good for him. How he could put up with this woman is beyond me. Check this out:

Really? It’s asking that much to let your kid have a sip of water before you go live? Now if you say, “Well, if she would’ve given her a sip, then the other seven would’ve wanted one and there wasn’t enough time”, well, then Kate shouldn’t have basically taunted a dehydrated kid by drinking water herself. I would’ve walked off the interview if I were the little one. Just be like, “That’s it. I’m gone. I can’t deal with her.” How great would that have been? I don’t think I will ever get enough stories of infidelity and horrible parenting with these two. Keep it comin’ “US Weekly”!

Back at it on Tuesday with your “Bachelorette” recap. I will have more details on the exiting bachelor and his status with the show. Still working on a photo banner up that links directly to the RealitySteve.com merchandise store, but for the time being, visit it at: www.RealitySteve.com/store. Any questions, comments, praises, criticisms, stories, feedback on the store, email me at steve@realitysteve.com. See you Tuesday.

Administrator Reality Roundup

I want to first off thank everyone who purchased RealitySteve.com merchandise this week. I wanted to give my readers a quality product at a cheaper price than some of the other pop culture websites out there, and I think I achieved that. Some charge $22 for a box style t-shirt? Unless you’re at a sporting event, do women even wear box style t-shirts anymore? For right now, as you can see in the store, we have none of those. All of these are womens fitted tees and tanks. In the future, we might roll out with a regular t-shirt, but they look so cheap. For now, we like what we rolled out for everyone and would still love all your feedback. We also made it incredibly easy to order. Shouldn’t take you more than two minutes and you don’t even need a PayPal account to do so. Remember, once you receive your merchandise, if you want to be on the site, just take a picture and email it to me, and you will be added to our Flickr account we’re going to set up. The RealitySteve.com merchandise store can be found here:

www.RealitySteve.com/store

As for this week, there are only two shows I want to cover. Most importantly, I’m finally getting around to giving you my thoughts on “Jon and Kate Plus 8″. Also, “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Here” debuted this week as well, and that can mean only one thing: Speidi will infect our TV sets as long as America will have them. I think. Lets get to it.

“Jon and Kate Plus 8″

-As I mentioned previously, I had never seen an episode of this show until it premiered last week. Then again, neither had most people. Which goes to show that controversy = ratings. “The Bachelor” with Jason Mesnick was going along averaging around 10 million viewers an episode last season. Then Reality Steve breaks the news a month early we’re headed for a shocking ending never before seen on the show. Everyone goes nuts, it’s the talk of “Bachelor” world, and twelve days before the finale, I tell everyone what’s going to happen. So how did that affect the ratings? Well, around 11 million tuned in for the 2 hour finale, then another 7 million tuned in for the “ATFR” show where the sh** hit the fan. “J&K Plus 8’s” highest rated show was last seasons finale, which drew 4.6 million viewers. The scandal breaks, they’re on the cover of now SIX consecutive “US Weekly” issues, and the premiere last Monday night drew 9.8 million viewers. So another 5 million people tuned in just because they were curious about all the infidelity rumors. So it amazes me how people say they’re disgusted by these two and by the show now, yet the ratings are going through the roof because of the scandal. We are a society that loves watching other peoples failures, lets face it. Hey, I’m guilty of it. But at least I admit it. There are plenty of those that don’t, and that’s just sad.

-So I tuned in for the premiere knowing that I probably wasn’t going to be satisfied for what I tuned in for. Why? Because the first few episodes of this season (by the way, there’s 40 episodes this season. 40!!! Yeah, there’s no exploiting going on here) were already in the can when the news of Jon’s infidelity and Kate’s rumored infidelity all hit the tabloids. But knowing they had to at least address it, they spent about five minutes in the hour-and-thirteen minute premiere on it. Did they tell us anything? Not really. They just keep reiterating “We’re here for the kids”, and “We’re going through tough times right now”, and “I don’t know where this is going”. Well obviously. They can’t give everything away in the first episode because then nobody would watch. TLC is carefully plotting out this season as to when they’ll get to the good stuff. With 40 episodes set for this season, don’t expect it anytime soon. I mean, five million people who normally don’t watch the show, tuned in to the premiere to see what? The sextuplets 5th birthday party where Jon and Kate didn’t say more than five words to each other? Where’s the fun in that?

-Look, I think it’s pretty obvious what’s going on here. This family has landed on a gold mine, and they are going to ride it out as long as people keep watching their show, buying Kate’s books, and reading the tabloid magazines. You can whine and moan all you want about child labor laws, and them getting too much coverage, and this is bad for the children blah blah blah, but the only way this show is going off the air is if no one watches. And you and I both know that’s not gonna happen. So quit the bitching about these two and enjoy watching their marriage crumble. Hey, they’re the ones who are choosing to televise all this. Contract or no contract, if they didn’t want to be on television anymore, they don’t have to be. But they do, and they will continue to do so as long as sponsors are giving them free sh** every time they step foot out of the house.

-My only real problem with these two is that I don’t get why they don’t just admit what they’re doing this for. You can’t be bothered by the paparazzi and claim “we’re just a normal family” and say “we didn’t choose this life” when basically, well, yes you did. I find it hilarious now that they’re upset their life is so scrutinized by the media and the paparazzi when they’re bringing it all upon themselves. You don’t want to the paps following you around? Then end your TV show. It’s as simple as that. But that’ll never happen. The minute that TV show goes away, all their freebies from sponsors go away too and god forbid that ever happened. Kate might actually have to pay for another tummy tuck. Jon might actually have to dig into his pockets for another set of hair plugs. This is all very concerning. So in the meantime, lets pretend we’re still married, get paid 50-75k an episode to act like we’re still married, and milk this for all we can. Gotta love reality TV.

-Do I know for a fact Jon is cheating on his wife? No, I don’t. But where there’s smoke, there’s fire. There are too many seedy pictures, and grainy video footage, and in-laws speaking out for there not to be any truth to this. My favorite one is that Jon and Kate separated six months ago, he sleeps in a room out by the garage, and they’re strictly staying together for the show’s purpose. Awesome. Nice family life. I mentioned this a few weeks ago, but regardless of if there’s any truth to these rumors or not, what they’re doing is a joke. If there’s no infidelity whatsoever, and this is just a storyline the show concocted to draw viewers in (which most certainly succeeded), then these two are horrible parents and role models. If there is infidelity going on, and they really are separated and are staying together for the sake of the show, then they’re horrible parents and role models. So either way, I can’t feel sorry for these two. They’ve made their own bed, now they gotta lie in it.

-I also love how both Jon and Kate are claiming the infidelity rumors are completely false, yet in another breath, are telling us it’s a difficult time for them and they are handling things privately. Huh? If there’s no cheating going on, what exactly is so hard here? If all the tabloids reporting false information, and you two are madly in love, and spend every night together, wouldn’t you just say that? They’re speaking out of both sides of their mouths. How come not once has Jon given an explanation to who this 23 year old teacher Deanna Hummel is? Why in the world would she be in a photograph with him in Park City, Utah when he’s out there skiing by himself? You mean, he just brings along 23 year old teachers he’s being rumored to having an affair with just for the fun of it? Why can’t he just come out and say, “This is who she is. This is why she comes over and sunbathes in my yard. This is why I was seen sneaking out of her house at 7:30 in the morning. And this is why she was in Park City, Utah with me when my wife wasn’t.” Don’t you think that would shut a lot of people up? Yet, the more they don’t answer clearly, the more sh** they get, and the more upset they get with the media. How do they not realize they’re the cause of all the negative publicity they’re getting?

-I mean, did you watch that first episode? Sitting as far apart from each other on the couch as they could possibly be, neither one of them ever said they loved each other, and every answer had everything to do with their kids. Ok, we get it. You love your kids and will do anything for them. Great. I would hope that’s what your answer would be. But when you say things like “I don’t know what the future holds”, and “Everything I do is for my kids”, and “This could be our last family photo together”, expect people to continue to bombard you with questions and tabloid coverage. They know exactly what they’re doing here and its pretty disgusting. But hey, its their life and they’ve chosen to go a certain direction with it. But in the meantime, I’ll say this: These episodes are boring. They’ve done four seasons of this? Just a new episode of taking kids to the park, or having a birthday, or playing on the swings? Does anything interesting happen in these episodes? God this show is stupid. Why are people so interested in this family? They seem kinda boring to me. Yes, I understand they have eight kids, including sextuplets which is something you don’t see everyday, but man, I just don’t get it. I’ve seen three episodes and already I want to bash Kate’s face with a frying pan. The fact this guy has agreed to stay married to this woman for 10 years is more miraculous than producing sextuplets, in my mind. As for Jon, lets just say it’s not like he’s Mr. Personality either. Has he ever smiled? Once? I guess I wouldn’t either if I was married to that tyrant. Yuck.

“I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!”

-You know what the most amazing thing about Speidi quitting the show three times now and claiming that they’re bigger stars than anyone else on that show and don’t deserve to be there with them is? They’re right. As horrible as it sounds, NBC would be idiotic not to somehow keep Speidi around on that show for the duration. I have no interest in it if they’re not on it, and I can’t stand them. I’m guessing most of America feels the same way. But seriously, would you continue watching a show that surrounds Jon Salley, Janice Dickinson, Frangela, La Bamba, the Baldwin Brothers, an American Idol reject, and Torrie Wilson? I certainly wouldn’t. Whether or not all this quitting by Speidi was staged or not, the bottom line is that show needs them on it to create any interest. Especially if you’re gonna be on four days a week for an hour each time. That’s a hell of a lot to ask people to tune in for with a cast of zeros. Janice Dickinson is the only other “freak factor” on that show worth tuning in to, but the problem is, she’s been on so many other reality shows, we pretty much know her act by now. Speidi outside of their “Hills” element is fascinating to watch. And you think I’m kidding.

-Who doesn’t want to see two rich, spoiled brats dropped into the middle of the Jungle and having to fend for themselves? I brought this up during this past season of “Survivor” when I asked how cool it would be to see a real “celebrity” edition of “Survivor”. Why? Because these people are so pampered, have gobs of money they don’t know what to do with, do nothing for themselves, that I think it would be interesting to see if they are capable of even doing the most basic things in life. See if it changes their perspective on the life that they lead. Right now, of everyone on that show, Speidi is not only the most popular nationally, but they’re also currently making the most money. So yeah, I want to see Spencer eat barely three meals a day, none of which cost “at least $40″ like claimed he eats every day. I think they needed to cast more spoiled rich brats like Speidi to make the show more interesting. Do I really care to see how Jon Salley makes it in the Jungle? No. He’s irrelevant. As are most of the other people. But two white, rich kids from Beverly Hills? Now that’s some good television. The more we see of them out of their element, and the more ridiculousness that comes out of their mouth, the more entertaining the show. Keep it coming, and America, never vote them off.

Back at it on Tuesday after watching Jillian take all the guys back home to Canada. Outstanding. I’m sure a guy like Kiptyn would love to pack up and leave sunny San Diego to live in Canada. Sure he would. We will soon have a photo banner up that links directly to the RealitySteve.com merchandise store, but for the time being, visit it at: www.RealitySteve.com/store. Any questions, comments, praises, criticisms, stories, feedback on the store, email me at steve@realitysteve.com. See you Tuesday.

Administrator Reality Roundup

Finally, it’s here! The official launch of the RealitySteve.com merchandise store. I want to first thank my best friend and webmaster Erick for the tireless work he’s put in on putting this thing together. I also want to thank our partners at TWENTYth for all the work they’ve done as well. This is something I’ve been wanting to do for a while now, and to see it become a reality is very cool. We want any and all feedback that you can give as this is still a work in progress.

Also, I want to thank two former “Bachelor” contestants, Lisa and Michele, for allowing me to use them as my models for the site. You’ll recognize Lisa from “Bachelor: Rome” where she received the first impression rose and made it to the final three before being unceremoniously dumped. Michele was from Brad Womacks season who unfortunately got sent home early due to, well, “falling down the stairs”. However, if you really want to know what happened, head back to the “Dr. Reality Steve” edition where she was the guest columnist. Thanks girls. Great job on the pictures.

A couple things I want to immediately say about the product. First off, if I ever see anyone out and about wearing any RealitySteve.com gear, I will buy you a drink. Of course, people in Dallas and Los Angeles ultimately have a better chance of that happening, but hey, just wanted to throw that out there. Secondly, for all those who purchase products and want to be seen on the site, we will be setting up a Flickr account so that all pictures taken in RealitySteve.com clothing will be added to the photo section if you’d like. All you have to do is take a pic and email to me and it’ll get on there. And lastly, be sure to have those cameras ready because we will periodically have contests where you can win free gear. So without further adieu, you can now purchase RealitySteve.com merchandise at:

www.RealitySteve.com/store

Administrator Reality Roundup, The Bachelor 13 - Jason, The Bachelorette 5 - Jillian

I’m making this short because I promised you a column, but I procrastinated and waited til the last minute, and now I have a flight in 8 hours and I haven’t packed yet. I was gonna spend a majority of this column on “Jon and Kate Plus 8″, but with what seems like a new story breaking every day, I want to have more time to devote to it since it’s getting completely out of hand and I want to address every single story/rumor out there. In short, I’ll say these two are money whores and I can’t believe some of the sh** that comes out of their mouth. And yes, I still haven’t seen an episode yet. Haven’t watched Monday’s premiere still. I’ll do it when I get back. With that said, TLC is giddy that Monday’s premiere drew 9.6 million viewers, double the amount they’ve had on any other episode in show history. Gee, didn’t think it had to do with all this media attention, do you? Nahhhhhhh. Let’s get to it.

“The Hills”

-Once again, this show never seems to disappoint in how incredibly fake it is. You can pick out a number of scripted moments from this weeks show, but most notably, was Heidi showing up at Lauren’s work inviting her to the wedding. Couldn’t have been a more forced conversation if they tried. Don’t believe me? Here’s what Lauren had to say when asked about how they brought them together for this weeks episode:

“What they didn’t get is that I didn’t want to fight with her anymore. It’s hard to look at somebody who used to be your best friend and say, ‘We can’t be friends. Too much has happened.’ I’m trying to move on, but they won’t let me. And when someone keeps pushing you into the same position well, you get upset.”

Good stuff. Nice to see Lauren going out the way she wanted to go out. You won’t be missed Lauren considering you have the most boring life of any of the characters on that show.

-Pretty funny how in the previews for next weeks finale, we see Kristin Cavallari showing up late to the wedding and Lauren acting all surprised and bothered she’s there? Huh? Lauren, didn’t you read your script that morning? Quit pretending you didn’t know she was gonna be in the finale so they can make the smooth transition for her to be in next season. Didn’t you ask for one of the season 5 scripts where they have her and Justin Bobby hitting it off? Kristin has all but admitted, she’s single, and she came back to the show because they know she’ll have no problem causing trouble, dating a bunch of different guys, and speaking her mind. Essentially, everything they’re telling her to do to create drama. How much you wanna bet Lauren makes an appearance at some point next season? I mean, are we really gonna have a storyline involving Lo if Lauren isn’t involved? I didn’t think that was possible.

-As for Spencers apology to Lauren, I found that hilarious. Didn’t this guy swear up and down on his grave when this whole Lauren sex tape story broke that he and Heidi had nothing to do with it? Now he basically just brushes over it in one sentence in his conversation? Isn’t that kind of a big deal? This guy told every tabloid mag, every radio DJ, and anyone who would listen he had nothing to do with the rumor. He would blame Brody, he would blame Jason Wahler, hell, I think he blamed me at some point. But this guy constantly would tell all his haters to shut up, it wasn’t him. He would never even bother to stoop to that level, yet, this week we get a full admission of it like it was no big deal. Very bizarre. Way to handle that one, Spence. And if that’s really the case and he’s not just doing that for the cameras, how does that make Heidi look who constantly stood by him saying he never did that. If Lauren and Heidi’s biggest problem is Spencer, and Lauren has hated Heidi for two seasons now for this very incident of him spreading rumors about a sex tape, and now he admits to it, what the hell would Heidi still be doing with the guy? Oh wait, I forgot. They’re paid to be together. Oops.

“RW/RR Challenge: Duel 2″

-I haven’t watched last nights episode yet, so I can’t comment on it, but I am thoroughly enjoying seeing a rookie do so well in one of these things. I love how all the veterans with no lives outside of these challenges, all have some sort of rookie hazing period with people who have only done one or two challenges as opposed to the 15 that they’ve done because they can’t get a real job in the workplace or in Hollywood. Yet there’s Brittany and Landon killing it in every challenge and beating everyone’s ass. You notice how Landon likes a little cream in his coffee? If I remember correctly, during his season in Philadelphia, he was always attracted to non-white women. Perfectly fine. Whatever floats your boat Landon. He just comes across as so cornfed, white, Wisconsin boy, it’s surprising he likes anything that doesn’t have blonde hair and big boobs.

-Have we been told exactly who wins this thing and how? I don’t think I saw the first season of the “Duel”, so I’m clueless. Is it one girl and one guy? Are they teams at the end? Or is it just one person takes home all the prize money? Seems to me it must be one guy and one girl since Brad and what’s-her-face keep talking about how they’re in this together and how important winning this money would be. Of course it would. Certainly going back and being no-names in your hometowns isn’t good enough anymore, you need to stock up on all the Bose speakers and Kicker 2’s that you can. Strike while the iron is hot my friends. Which will probably be for a while, since like I said last week, they could do this show until the year 3000 and it’d never get old.

“RW: Cancun”

-So MTV decided to release a trailer plus a press release about the next season of the “Real World”, which takes place in Cancun, and airs towards the end of June. How appropriate. Unbelievable it took them 19 season to get down there. Courtesy of RealityBlurred.com, here is a summary of the new cast:

Ayiiia, who’s 21 and was selected by viewers at realworldcasting.com. She has “a viciousness that alienates the other roommates” and “is a reformed party girl with a history of drug abuse and cutting.” MTV’s casting people are at it again. “History of drug abuse and cutting? Well come on down to Cancun! We’d love to have you as part of our loving family!” Any chick with three I’s in her name is definitely gotta be a little off kilter. I think Ayiiia should drop a vowel and become a recluse. Will definitely pick a fight, or ten, with a roommate this season and it won’t be pretty.

Bronne, who’s 21 and “is the resident comic,” MTV says, and he’s so crazy that he will “often get naked to just break up fights, or maybe just to show off the physique he gained while on the Penn State varsity boxing team.” He also has “impulsive behavior” and is “the first roommate to make out with a woman old enough to be his mother’s older sister.” So he’s Tek from the “RW: Hawaii”? And the guy likes hooking up with GILFS. Outstanding. Should be another winner.

CJ, “an NFL free agent punter” who “would be a devout Christian if it weren’t for his sexual drive” and “takes pride in his hot body,” and apparently gets mocked for his metrosexuality. That might be my favorite line in the whole press release. “would be a devout Christian if it weren’t for his sex drive”. Kinda like saying would be an Abercrombie and Fitch model if not for his love of food. I really hope this guy doesn’t try to throw around his NFL status to get laid. Dude, you’re a punter. You practice off to the side with the placekicker stretching each others hamstrings while the rest of the real players have to deal with two-a-days. Calling yourself a football player would be like calling Mischa Barton an actress. It’s marginal at best.

Derek is 21 and “the resident nice guy,” in addition to being the resident gay guy. MTV says “all the roommates love him” even though he is “not afraid to be brutally honest about anything and everything.” He’s a super overachiever, the “president of the student council, captain of the basketball and track teams, and valedictorian of his graduating class,” and “[has] ex-boyfriend baggage that seems to follow him around, even to Cancun.” A gay guy is the captain of the basketball team? That’s a new one. All the others are understandable, but that one is a bit of a surprise. And what “Real World” season wouldn’t be complete with ex-boyfriend baggage? Isn’t that a requirement every season now? Either that or transsexualism. Derek shouldn’t worry about dealing with the ex when he’ll have a whole new slate of fresh hogs to go after in Cancun.

Emilee is a 21-year-old “sensitive girl who can let her emotions get the best of her, but as the daughter of therapists, she is also on of the few people in the house who is looking to learn and grow and change as a result of every new situation,” MTV says. She’ll be the resident Paula Walnuts this season. She’ll either end up learning the most out of this situation, or she’ll be straight jacketed at some point. It’s up to you Emilee. The ball is in your court.

Jasmine, 22, is five feet tall and weighs 95 pounds, and has “the absolute worst taste in men and always chooses unreliable players who treat her like dirt,” MTV says. She’s also a “former competitive cheerleader [who] thrives to be the center of attention, especially if other women are around.” 5 feet 95 lbs? So she’s a spinner? Hmmmm, so she’s Jenn from RW: Denver? So that means she plays for both teams. Outstanding. I think the city of Denver is still recovering from all the diseases Jenn passed around. Lets see if Jasmine can top her down in Cancun. We’re all pullin’ for ya’, Jasmine. If not, with a name like that, the pole is definitely in your future.

Joey, 22, “is the tall, skinny, tattooed rocker with the bad boy charm” and is “relentless in his pursuit of the women in Cancun and hopes to be the first roommate to hook-up.” He’s also “had more than a few bouts with excessive drinking, which will eventually become a problem in Cancun.” He plays guitar in a band called Late Nite Wars “and claims to have actually seen a UFO.” So how many seconds into this season will Joey and Jasmine be giving each other STD’s? First scene? Second scene? Once everyone has called dibs on their room? Think MTV had a hard time casting Joey? An excessive drinker, yet, lets bring him down to live in Cancun for 4 months. Awesome. How about next season you go with “RW: South Central” and cast a recovering heroin and crack addict? I’m sure that’ll help them rehabilitate themselves. Joey will punch someone, or something, this season. I know. Really going out on a limb there.

Jonna, 20, is multi-racial and has a boyfriend to whom she “swears from day one that she’ll remain true,” according to MTV. She “is trying to stay focused and shake her promiscuous past, but she can’t help flirting, which turns on the guys in the house and pisses off the girls.” Oooohhhh, this means chick fighting this season. Jonna and Jasmine are gonna be at each others throats battling for Joey’s dong. And lets all place bets right now on the odds that Jonna stays faithful to her boyfriend. When she’s on the “Real World”. And it’s in Cancun. Jonna, you might as well just give up the ass the second you walk into the house since there ain’t a chance in hell you’re staying faithful. Especially when you’re a giant flirt. There’s names for women like you. One being a c**ktease. Have fun with that.

“The Bachelorette”

-I hope all of you saw that the “Bachelorette’s” ratings are a joke. The premiere episode got 9 million viewers. Not bad. Decent also considering it was going up against the DWTS finale and “24″ finale. This week, going up against nothing really important including a lot of repeats? 6 million. The consensus is this season is boring. Which it is. Look, Jillians a nice girl, she’s a cute girl, but she has ZERO star quality about her and just isn’t made out for this show. This show needed Melissa as the “Bachelorette”. After what happened to her, waaaaay more people would’ve been interested in watching her season. When she turned it down, they were screwed, and now they’re suffering the consequences. 6 million people already in Week 2? Jason’s ATFR show which aired right after the finale drew close to 18 million. That shows you how little people care about Jillian and her sixteen douchenozzles left. Wow.

I will see you all Tuesday when the next “Bachelorette” column returns and the launch of the merchandise store is official. Can’t wait to see family and friends this weekend, looking forward to the Peter Parker/Spiderman transition, and can’t wait to turn 34. Yeah right. Any questions, comments, praises, criticisms, stories, queries, email me at steve@realitysteve.com. See you Tuesday.

Administrator Reality Roundup

Three finales to cover as they all wrapped up in the last week. “Idol” put one of their best, if not the best, finale they’ve ever done, so most of the column will be spent on that. Melissa comes up short, yet again, on a reality show in the “DWTS” finale, plus, JT surprisingly blows out Stephen in the final tribal council on “Survivor”. Only the 2nd time in history the vote has ever been 7-0 in the finals, and I guarantee off the top of your head, you don’t remember the other one. Obviously you could google it and find the answer in five seconds, but even when I heard it, I had completely forgotten about this winner. Probably the most non-descript winner in this shows history. Right now, I couldn’t even tell you what country they were in for that winners season. I’ll have the answer later. But let’s get started with “Idols” two-night finale, since I have the most to say about that one.

“American Idol” Finale

-In case you missed it, I essentially “tweeted” during the “Idol” finale from beginning to end. If you missed it, just check down the right hand column in my Twitter box to see everything I wrote. Some stuff I will cover in more detail here since I’ve got more than 140 characters to use, and some stuff I won’t cover at all. Didn’t think I would, but so many things started happening, I figured “Why not?” I have to say, that was probably the best finale that “Idol” has ever produced. Still didn’t have the best “Idol” finale moment, but for all two hours, it was the best they’ve done. And they’ve done some good ones. Season 5 was the only other finale that really came close to this one due to three factors:

-The surprise appearance by Prince
-The surprise appearance by Clay Aiken
-David Hasselhoff crying
-If you want to throw in a 4th, you can include Meatloaf and Katharine McPhee’s creepy duet.

-Going back to Tuesday’s performance show, I thought it was pretty even. Kris outperformed Adam on the first song. Adam outperformed him on the second song. And I’d say they were both pretty equal on the new single, “No Boundaries”, which is taking a beating by everyone for being horrible. I’m definitely in the minority on this, but I don’t think it’s as bad as people are making it out to be. First off, it’s a really difficult song to sing because there’s so many lyrics. So I think that part of the song wasn’t good. But other than that, I guess my question is, “What did you expect? Have you watched this show for the previous seven seasons? What’d you think the final song was going to be about?” That’s pretty much exactly the kind of song I figured they’d be singing. Need I remind you the titles of the seven previous finale songs:

Season 1: “A Moment Like This”
Season 2: “Flying Without Wings”
Season 3: “I Believe”
Season 4: “Inside Your Heaven”
Season 5: “My Destiny” (Katharine) & “Do I Make You Proud” (Taylor)
Season 6: “This is My Now”
Season 7: “The Time of My Life”

Notice a pattern here? And if you remember the lyrics to any of these songs, they pretty much all contained the same words and phrases: “destiny”, “mountains”, “impossible”, “dreams”, “stronger”, “believe”, “won’t give up”, “hope”, “faith”, “show you that you can”, “make it through”, “finally come true” etc. You get the point. Basically, all lyrics that I’m sure Danny Gokey will be including on his first album. “No Boundaries” was no different than anything else they’ve done for seven seasons, other than it was much more wordy than past songs. It was almost like there wasn’t a point in the song where Adam or Kris could catch their breath. Also, if you’ve heard the studio version that Kris did, it’s not nearly as bad as the live performance was. Is it a great song? No. Is it terrible? I don’t think so. I guess I’ve just come to expect these types of songs for the first single.

-As for Wednesday’s show, there’s a whole slew of things to talk about. Right off the bat, the group performance. Another cheesy one where I can’t reiterate enough how awkward it is seeing Scott McIntyre perform in these. Yes, I know he’s blind. Which is the reason he shouldn’t be put on stage in a dance number with 12 other people who have perfect vision. I’m sure Scott’s saying that if you single him out and have him doing something different, you’re playing up his handicap. Not if it makes the performance stand out. Let me ask you something, when the group is performing, are you really looking to see how Megan Joy is doing? Are you checking to see if Michael Sarver is on cue? No. You’re looking at Scott. You know it and I know it. There’d have been absolutely nothing wrong with having Scott at the piano for every group performance. And don’t even get me started with Scott singing the lyrics, “If you want body, and you think I’m sexy, come on baby let me know” before Rod Stewart came out. Uh huh. Believable.

-I think a lot of you will be surprised by this, but I honestly got a kick out of Norman Gentle all season. Hey, I’m the first guy to call out stupid schtick when I see it, but I seriously think that guy’s got something. Whether its in a play as the goofy best friend, or a sidekick on some comedy sitcom with a laugh track, I think Norman Gentle is funny. There. I said it. And it feels bizarre for me to admit it. Typically I would think stuff like that is hokey and completely unoriginal. But I’m serious, he’s got something. I don’t know what, but I know I was entertained every time I saw him this season. Now, when he won the award and came on stage in sweats saying he had no idea he’d win, I knew that was B.S. because you could see the sparkly Norman Gentle shirt underneath. And considering Paula showed up to Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s shows after falling asleep at the tanning bed, and Simon decided to have every button down to his naval unbuttoned on his suit, you really didn’t believe someone would actually wear sweats to that event, did you?

-A couple of the Idols performing with the artists were interesting. Lil Rounds and Queen Latifah? Hmmmm, that was just a whole lot of ass up on the stage at that point. It was like a double feature could’ve been shown at the same time if their backs faced the audience. I didn’t really get the Alexis Grace and Anoop with Jason Mraz thing, did you? I don’t think either of their tone is anything like Mraz. Obviously, Kris has been compared to Mraz all season so I don’t know why he did his with Keith Urban. It wasn’t half as bad as I thought it’d be, but since Kris will never put out a country song or album, what was the point? Everyone got what they wanted when Adam sang with Queen. It was a mistake not to have Kris sing with Jason Mraz. Teenage girls across America would’ve developed into women instantaneously if they saw that.

-In terms of the performers they got to show up, season 7 definitely takes the cake over all past finales. Season 5 was the only close one. But to get Jason Mraz, KISS, Rod Stewart, Queen Latifah, Cyndi Lauper, Queen, the Black Eyed Peas, David Cook, Carrie Underwood, and Steve Martin of all people, you can’t beat that. Gotta be impressed with that lineup. A thoroughly enjoyable show for all two hours. The awards are funny because it allows for a little comic relief. Although the Tatiana Del Toro thing was fixed obviously. So staged that it lost its humor. I’m guessing a few bouncers would’ve been able to drag that chick off the stage in two seconds if they wanted to. Actually, because the show was full of surprises last night, and Tatiana was known for singing “Saving All My Love For You”, I thought once she started singing, they were gonna bring Whitney’s cracked out corpse up there so we could all watch Tatiana have a meltdown. You think Bikini Skank was surprised to see Kara? What do you think Tatiana would’ve done if she turned around and saw Whitney? She might’ve died on stage.

-Ok, let’s get to it. By far the highlight of the night, and that was Kara completely upstaging a PISSED OFF Bikini Skank with her new jugs. If that didn’t earn Kara a contract for season 9, I don’t know what will. In my eyes, completely redeemed herself for all the “Sweeties” and “Here’s the thing” she gave us all season long. And remember, I’m the guy who’s been in the minority all season on her since I’ve liked her from the beginning. As I said before, if Kara would’ve been the 3rd judge with Randy and Simon since season 1, and Paula just joined us this season, it’d be the complete opposite. You know it, and I know it. Anyway, just as I’m about to post the YouTube video of the whole Bikini Whore/Kara feud, YouTube decides to take down all the videos saying its property of 20th Century Fox Film Corporation. I hate when they do that. So, here’s what I was going to write about the video:

-At the 1:59 mark, I love it when Idol producers turned down Bikini Playmate’s mic, and turned Kara’s up so she’d drown her out. Classic.

-At the 2:17 mark, when Kara hits her high note in the song, Bikini Dumpster tries to match it and basically had all dogs in the Los Angeles area howling. That was awful.

-At the 2:36 mark, after the performance is over and they walk over to Seacrest, Bikini Hooker gives the most insincere kiss and hug to Kara you’ll ever see. Kinda like, “I can’t believe you just did that to me and now are acting all nice.” When in reality, Bikini Prostitute should be thanking Fox and “Idol” every second of the day that anyone even knows who the hell she is.

-And finally, right at the 3:00 mark, Bikini Tramp basically sizes up Kara’s body then rolls her eyes like she’s too good for this show. God, she’s annoying. And nice boob job. Why was your left breast facing in a completely different direction than your right one? Enjoy your career in porn.

And Kara, if you want to just judge all next season in a bikini, I would gladly accept that. It would offset Paula’s public intoxication every week. My only problem with Kara? She kinda walks like a dude.

-Once again, a lot of people emailed me after the finale and asked the proverbial, “Are you shocked at what happened?” My answer: no. If you look at one of my tweets from earlier in the day, I did mention that since Shawn’s fan base rallied for her on Monday night, I wonder if Kris’ would do the same. People are shocked because all season we’ve been led to believe Adam was the favorite because that’s what the judges were telling us. But the minute Kris was able to take down Gokey and his fan base last week, I knew it wasn’t impossible to take down Adam’s. In fact, here were my exact words back on March 10th, my first column on this season of “Idol”:

“I wouldn’t mind seeing a guy like him succeed. This show has always been about giving someone a chance, and for a guy in his late 20’s who seemingly has paid his dues, it’s nice to see him perform. I know he’s a good singer, I know he’ll do well, but the “freak” factor will ultimately prevent him from winning the thing. Do I think he’ll get a record deal? Absolutely. But let’s remember who a majority of the people who vote on this show are: middle aged white people, probably leaning on the conservative side. As sad as it sounds, his look is basically what’ll cost him the title. If he wins, I’ll be the first to congratulate him. I wouldn’t have a problem with him winning whatsoever. I just don’t think he will. But I could see him in the final two or three. He is starting to grow on me.”

-So to answer the question, “Did Adam Lambert not win ‘American Idol’ because he’s gay? No. Did him being gay play a role? I’m sure it did. I can’t prove it since I don’t have access to the emails and phone numbers of everyone who voted. But then again, those people screaming that America sucks because they didn’t vote for a gay guy to win “American Idol”, they can’t prove that’s why he didn’t get their votes either. So why don’t we all just shut up about this ridiculous debate. Oh, and anyone still questions whether Adam is gay or not, did you hear what his answer was yesterday when asked who he’d love to perform duets with? “Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, and Madonna, who continues to be the next big thing.” Well, that and the fact that his boyfriend was sitting with his family the last few weeks.

-I still don’t understand people out there saying “Idol” didn’t want a gay person to win, or, people who are so bothered that Adam didn’t win. Really? Let me ask you a question: Who the f*** cares? Does the fact that Kris Allen won mean you weren’t productive at work yesterday? If your answer was “yes” to that question, you’re living in a world that I’m afraid I can’t help you with. That’s embarrassing if it did. I thought Danny would win this season. He didn’t. I haven’t thought for two seconds about it since he got eliminated. And neither should you. Adam and Kris are both going to put out albums, I guarantee Adam will be back on the show next season performing, and Adam will still have a great career in theater and on Broadway. But Good Lord, so he doesn’t carry around the title of “American Idol” champion, who the hell cares? Certainly not me. And I certainly don’t care that Kris IS the champion. I think they’re both good performers, and once you get to the final four or five, pretty much everyone wins.

-I also just wanted to point out that the two times there’s been someone from the LA/Hollywood area who made it to the finals (Katharine and Adam), they both lost to people from small Southern towns (Taylor and Kris). I think there’s something to be said for that. People love the small town country boys who are the underdogs. America loves the underdog. I’m just sayin’. And Adam’s hometown may have been San Diego, but he lives in LA and has for a while now.

-You know another debate I can do without? “Did the better singer win?” Huh? What kind of question is that to ask? If everyone has different tastes in music and voices, how can there be a right or wrong answer to that question? There isn’t. Adam fans will answer “no” and Kris fans will answer “yes”. It’s pretty simple. Adam and Kris couldn’t be more different vocally if they tried. Adam can go high and low, scream like Axl Rose, and has great control of his voice. Kris has a much softer, melodic voice that is much more soothing on the ears in pretty much every song. Did the better singer win? Based on what? If the contest was about finding the next front man for Queen, then no, the better singer didn’t win. If it was finding the next Jason Mraz clone, then yes. Such a stupid question to ask, I don’t even see the point. Once again, the voice of reason in this debate seems to be Kara. She was on Seacrests radio show this morning and here’s how she answered the “Did the right person win” question: “For me, this was a very interesting year, because you had such different artists. You had the soft side of rock and the hard side of rock, and it really wasn’t about winning, it’s about, what’s your preference?” Exactly. If you prefer flamboyancy and screaming, then no, the right person didn’t win. If you prefer softer rock, then yes, the right person won. You’re the best, Kara. Anytime you want to wear a bikini again, be my guest you MILF. Even though you have no kids.

-A final thought on the season in general. Probably the best final three we’ve ever had. I still think Adam will have a better theater and acting career than he will a recording career. He’s going to be a Broadway star. I think Danny will put out a decent album and will be asked back next season to perform. And I will admit, that towards the end, Kris started to grow on me. I underestimated him. Does he have a powerful voice? Not at all. But it’s definitely a listenable voice. And I could see myself buying some of his stuff in the future if he gets with the right producers and songwriters. He’s talented and I never denied that. It’s just for whatever reason, I wasn’t into him in during the early and middle weeks. But he’s got a good story, he’s a likable guy, and I do like his music. So I have no problem with him winning, nor would I have had a problem with Adam winning either. Or Danny. Kris is our “American Idol” for 2009. Everyone can calm down now. It’ll be ok.

-I need to discuss one of the biggest, if not THE biggest, epidemic facing our country right now. It’s going on all over America, a lot of people have been affected by it, and it’s time that I bring it to everyone’s attention. In case you’ve been living under a rock recently, you know exactly what I’m talking about. And that is people in the Eastern and Central time zones who tweet, or update their Facebook status, on a show that they’re watching and ruin it for people who haven’t seen it yet. That might be my biggest pet peeve going right now. Yes, I twittered during the “Idol” finale, but I never gave away the winner, and most of my tweets were humorous more than factual updates on what was happening. You know why it’s my biggest pet peeve? Because I know a lot of those people don’t actually think they’re ruining it. What may seem like a simple concept I think gets lost on certain people living in the Eastern and Central time zones. You people do realize that by the time the “Idol” finale, or the “Grey’s” finale, or the “Survivor” finale is over, it hasn’t even started airing on the West Coast yet? You do realize this don’t you? I don’t think some of you do. Yes, I’m in Texas. I’m in the Central time zone, so I’m seeing everything first, but it doesn’t mean I can’t be watching out for my West Coast peeps. Please, if you watch something before everyone else, don’t ruin it on your Twitter account or Facebook status for other people. It’s annoying. The next time I see “Noooooo!!!! I can’t believe Kris won!” as someone’s facebook status when its still 7:00 on the West Coast, I think I’ll send them a virus. That’s my Public Service Announcement for today.

“Dancing With the Stars” Finale

-When Melissa was eliminated first and finished, I thought for sure Gilles would win. Shows you what I know. Here’s my problem, and always has been, with the “DWTS” finale. I’m fine with Shawn winning, that doesn’t bother me at all. It’s just that lets not pretend the scores you get in the finale have any bearing whatsoever on anything. I mean, has anyone ever gotten below a 9 on the finale? Ever? The scores on Monday night were 58, 57, 56. And on the one dance they were judged on Tuesday, all three of them got 30’s. So basically 2 pts separated 1st from 3rd place which essentially means, with the convoluted way they figure out scoring on this show, there was such a small percentage difference in the judges scores, that it all came down to the audience vote. Like it does every season. NO ONE gets worse than three 9’s on the final performances unless you trip and fall over yourself the whole dance. So the judges scores in the end really don’t matter much. They only do earlier in the season when 10-15 pts can separate the top from the bottom.

-Julianne Hough is taking next season off so she can tour, and they’re going to replace her with the blonde chick who won the fans voting. I can deal with that trade off. I’m fine with that. And by all accounts, Julianne says she’ll be returning in the Spring 2010 edition. So good news for all of us. How about when she comes back, assuming you keep the blonde foreign chick as well, lets give Cheryl some time off. Like, til the end of time. I’m sick of her whining and berating her dance partners in the pre-dance video packages. Plus, doesn’t she have another dance studio to open up, or some new young guy to date? Or watch a dual between Drew and Emmitt to see who gets to have her permanently?

-I wasn’t impressed in the least bit with Gilles or Melissa’s freestyle. If Shawn won because of her freestyle performance, then they made the right call. Gilles had about 5 better dances all season than his freestyle. Didn’t seem like there was anything difficult about it whatsoever, and it even got slow at some points. Melissa’s was just corny. They did a bunch of 80’s dances which, once again, didn’t seem difficult at all. Shawn and Mark’s freestyle was non-stop action for the whole time they were on the dance floor. Level of difficulty was through the roof, and I was amazed they kept up their pace for that long. One of the better freestyles we’ve ever seen on that show. Seriously, Gilles and Melissa should’ve gotten 8’s across the board if Shawn and Mark got 10’s. Theirs was that much better without a doubt.

“Survivor” Finale

-So who was the only other “Survivor” winner to win the final Tribal Council vote 7-0? Give up? I sure did. It was Earl Cole. I think that was “Survivor: China”. Too lazy to look it up. Pretty amazing in 18 seasons of this show, that only two have pitched a shutout in the finals, and both were within the last 4 seasons. I was pretty surprised JT got all 7. I honestly thought the vote would be 4-3 but hey, once again just like on “Idol”, people like the underdog from the South. JT had charm, did work around camp, played up the “awwww shucks” attitude, and everyone else liked him. Stephen never really came across as a schemer, just more of the nerdy business man type. So I guess I could see where they’d want to see someone like JT win. Let’s face it, who wouldn’t vote for a guy who’s worked on a farm his whole life vs the NY City business man? Seems like a no-brainer. JT needed the money more, so he got it. And America gave him another $100k to boot on top of all that for being their favorite. Quite a night for him. I’m guessing the minute he got home he and the pigs made some sweet lovin’ all night long.

I’m very excited to be launching the RealitySteve.com merchandise store this Tuesday. Assuming we overcome all glitches, my girls come through for me, and PayPal isn’t too difficult for us to figure out, everything should be up and running by Tuesday. We are going to launch with 12 items and a total of 3 different designs. Let’s remember, this will be a work in progress. When fall rolls around, we’ll have other heavier items available, but we decided to just go with basic summer clothing right now, and in the future, I’m sure we’ll come up with more logos and concepts. But for right now, we like what we have and we hope you do too. Plus, it’s going to be cheaper and better quality than anything you’ll find over at you-know-who’s site. You know, the guy who likes drawing penises on peoples faces. Yeah him. Any questions, comments, praises, criticisms, stories, queries, email me at steve@realitysteve.com and I would be more than happy to answer any questions you may have. See you Tuesday.

Administrator American Idol 8, Reality Roundup

Quite a few interesting stories to get to this week regarding some of our favorite topics. I’ll save the “Survivor” stuff til next week after the finale airs this weekend. Maybe I’ll tweet about it Sunday night. Or is the actual processing called twittering. Or tweeting. Whatever the hell they call it, count on me doing some this weekend. If you’re not on board, sign up by scrolling down the right hand column and joining. As for this week, good stuff coming out of the “Celebrity Apprentice” finale where I’ll get a question answered that I posed on Monday. More hogwash from the “Jon and Kate Plus Eight” saga. Enough already. Just get the divorce and be done with this. Some “Bachelorette” news that I must address since I’ve gotten a gazillion emails about it this week. Also, more evidence the “Hills” is fake. Not that you didn’t know that already. Plus, we’ll talk about Danny Gokey headed home and my reaction to it, since that seemed to be first and foremost on a lot of readers mind. Why? I have no idea. And we’ll get to the finals of “DWTS”. Lets get started.

“Dancing with the Stars”

-Did we really need a two hour show when there’s only four dancers? Hell, the show was an hour and half long when there was EIGHT left. Too much pomp and circumstance for me. We really needed to watch each couples previous TWO dances in their entirety while they critiqued it? I don’t remember them doing this in the past to be honest. Lets just let each of them do their two final dances, have some pros dance in between to kill some time and be done with it. That was waaaaaay too long. Especially when two of those dances belonged to the cyborg that is Ty Murray. Nice guy, great story, had no business being there and I’m glad he’s gone. And he is too. You could tell he barely wanted to be a part of it last week since he knew he was there out of pity votes. I think he should’ve just kept tripping over his own feet on purpose.

-Nice to see our very own Chris Harrison in the house during Wednesday’s results show. How did I know this? Because he let us know on Twitter beforehand. So obviously, I scoped him out in the audience and there he was with lovely wife Gwen. Gotta love cross promotion. That guy wouldn’t be anywhere near that show if the “Bachelor/ette” was on another network. Now before all you get crazy with your “Wait, how can he be there if he’s filming the ‘Bachelorette’”? emails, let me assure you that will addressed later in the column. I can’t believe how many emails I got regarding the whole Jillian conference call with the media this week. I thought it was pretty cut and dry what she said. I guess people didn’t want to believe her for some reason. Later.

-I’ll be honest, I really haven’t watched much of Ty’s dancing the last few weeks. Why? We all know he didn’t deserve to be there based on his dancing ability, so why should I watch? If this was a personality and charm contest, he’d win. But it’s not. Although, I did see the prepackaged video of him taking Chelsie to the Saddle Ranch to ride the mechanical bull. That got me a little sweaty. Chelsie sure looked like she knew what the hell she was doing on top. And she rode the bull quite well also. I was wondering if her cutoff shorts could’ve possibly been any shorter? Hmmmmm. Would’ve been interesting to find out. Do us all a favor next time Chelsie. Just ride the thing naked. Might as well just end all the suspense and get to the goods.

-When they were doing the background vides on each contestant, I was definitely interested in watching Melissa’s. Not so much to see where she came from, but to watch all the “Bachelor” footage again. Man, that was just as good the second time around. Not to mention the fact that she’s dropped at least 15 lbs since the “Bachelor” filming. Wow. She really looks good now. Not that she was fat by any means on the show, but you look at her now and you could bounce quarters off her ass. Wow. I haven’t used that line in years. Good to break that one out. It’s been in the closet for a while now.

-One of the other big themes on the email this week has been something to this effect: “How come Melissa’s parents kept claiming they were ‘private people’ which is why they didn’t want to be filmed on the ‘Bachelor’, but in her hometown video this week, they were front and center talking about her.” I think there is a very simple answer to this question. Because even they know the “Bachelor” is a ridiculous show and complete joke. Probably didn’t want to associate themselves with it. Now, “DWTS” is paying their daughter some serious coin to be on their show, so sh**, I’d be doing whatever they asked of me too. Can you blame them? ABC and the “Bachelor” told us that they were private people who didn’t want to be filmed. Whether you choose to believe that’s really the case or they were just using that to sell a storyline is completely up to you. I’ll choose the latter.

“‘American Idol’ Results Show”

-The question I’ve gotten asked most in the last 36 hours or so is, “So how do you feel now that Gokey is gone?” Ummmm, the same way I felt before he was gone? And the same way I’ve felt every season? Look, I’ve never voted and I never will. I just watch. I don’t care who wins. My opinion was that I thought Danny would win. He didn’t. The last thing I’m going to do is start writing, “OMG, I CAN’T BELIEVE HE GOT ELIMINATED!!!!” It’s really no big deal. And I’m sorry, if you’re that sad, or that disappointed, or that angry he’s gone, you need your head checked. There are about ten gazillion things more important in this world than whether or not Danny Gokey should’ve been in the “American Idol” finals. I thought he’d be there. I thought he’d win. I was wrong. Wasn’t the first time, and won’t be the last. I’ve just never understood people who would get so worked up over this show. I read the comments from some of you people and shake my head in amazement. Really? You really dislike other people that much and think that other people who like someone you don’t are wrong? Wow. Some people are cat people. Some people are dog people. Some people like both. Well, same goes here. Some are Kris fans. Some are Adam fans. Some are Gokey fans. Does it make them less of a person because they don’t like someone you like?

-And since “Idol” never shows us voting results, what if Kris beat out Danny by 500,000 votes out of, what they claim, was “88 million who voted”? Would you really be that surprised then? Out of 88 million votes, if it was announced that Adam got 50 million, Kris got 30 million, and Danny got 8 million, then I’d be surprised. Other than that, it is what it is. “How can Danny never be in the bottom 3 all season then get eliminated?” Ummmm, cuz maybe they were ALL in the bottom 3 Wednesday night. And the top 3. Once there’s three left, you can throw your “bottom 3″ mess out the window. Does it really matter at that point? And I’ll make this point again: Because Danny got voted out, doesn’t mean he’s not a good singer, or won’t have a great career, or got screwed. It means that on Tuesday night, May 13th, it just so happened Adam and Kris got more votes than him. That’s all it means. Nothing more, nothing less. Same goes for next week when the winner is announced. Some people need a real perspective when it comes to this show, and that’s sad. Because the person you wanted to win got eliminated doesn’t mean the show is fixed.

-Which brings us to a Kris/Adam finale. Who’ll win? Hell if I know. I’d like to say Adam, but, if there’s no votes going to Gokey anymore, I would think Gokey fans who continue to vote might lean more towards Kris than they would Adam. But that’s pure speculation. I don’t know, you don’t know, nobody knows. And a lot of you need to get off this “This show is fixed” thing. Really? If its fixed, why the hell didn’t Daughtry win? Hell, why didn’t Daughtry even get to the finals? If its fixed, explain Taylor Hicks winning when Simon admitted from the get-go he was never a fan? If its fixed, wouldn’t the whole object of fixing the thing be to put, who they feel, are the two best singers in the finals every year? How many times have we had that?

Season 1: Sideshow Guarini certainly wasn’t the 2nd best singer on that season. Not even close.
Season 2: Definitely had it right with Reuben and Clay.
Season 3: Diana DeGarmo? Please. I bet half you didn’t even remember she lost to Fantasia.
Season 4: Debatable on Bo Bice. At worst, he was 3rd best, so you can make a case they had it right that season as well.
Season 5: Not even close. Next.
Season 6: Jordin was always the best singer that season. Blake was the best performer, but certainly wasn’t the best singer.
Season 7: The two David’s. Ok, this season had the right two in the finals as well.

3 out of 7 is less than 50% last time I checked. What I’m getting at is the show is NOT fixed. Please. This isn’t the 1960’s people and this isn’t “Quiz Show”. Too much money involved in this show and too much scrutiny for the #1 show in America the last 5 years to even contemplate tampering with the results. If you really think “Idol” would risk that, you’re quite naive I hate to tell ya’. Lets remember, for the 100th time, the voters have the say in who they want to win. The judges can pimp Adam all they want. If he wins, it doesn’t mean its because of the judges pimping him because there’s no way you can prove that. Just the same way you can’t prove if Kris wins, its because fans were sick of the judges pimping Adam so they voted against what the judges wanted. Perfect example was last years finale: All three judges said that Archuleta outperformed Cook on ALL 3 songs. It was unanimous. Hands down. Simon even called it a “knockout”. But Cook ended up winning. Yet in season 4, Simon predicted half way through the season not only would Carrie win that season, “but she would sell more records than any contestant ever on the show”. Fans didn’t seem to vote against that, did they? So yes, sometimes the fans side with the judges, and sometimes they don’t. There’s no way to prove it, so by throwing out “conspiracy” and “fixed” makes you seem ignorant. Unless you personally ask every single person who voted their reasoning behind their vote, you’ll never get your answer as to how and why people vote for the ones they do. So lets drop the conspiracy nonsense. Its ridiculous.

“Celebrity Apprentice”

-The one question I asked after the finale was, “Why couldn’t we get a truthful answer to what happened with Joan and her designer.” Well, we finally did, but it was too late since Joan was already named the winner. And it was what we pretty much should’ve expected. The guy quit on Joan because she was a complete bitch. The man in question, David Tutera, who hosts some show called “My Fair Wedding”, went on Barbara Walters radio show this past Monday morning and essentially blasted the show, and Joan and Melissa, into another orbit. What’d he say? Take a look:

“Joan and Melissa were completely incapable of giving me their insight on how the party should look. They had zero direction. In 23 years of being in this business, I have never left anyone, no matter how difficult they are to work with. Her behavior towards any human being was so unacceptable to me. She’s a monster I cannot begin to even explain.”

Furthermore, he was told by “Celebrity Apprentice” producers beforehand that at no time was he allowed to give Joan any ideas of his own. “So when I got to the room and Joan’s team gave me no ideas, I was left to sort of stand there and defend myself.” Reality television.

-And of course, let’s not forget what was brought up by a commenter in Monday’s blog which I researched and found out to be true, and that’s Donald Trump’s sister-in-law, Blaine Trump, is a Vice Chairman for “God’s Love We Deliver”, Joan’s charity. And there are plenty of internet pictures of Blaine Trump and Joan Rivers together at functions. Gee, kind of a conflict of interest wouldn’t you think? So I ask all fans of Joan who came running to her defense, tell me exactly what you think of how the show played out now? Yes, Donald Trumps brother WAS married to Blaine Trump before a messy divorce, but still, the woman is his sister-in-law and having her charity front and center on the finale, giving the title to Joan so she can give $250k to that particular charity? Please.

“Jon and Kate Plus Eight”

-Man, this stuff is getting better and better. Now Kate is boinking her bodyguard. And they’ve been separated for six months, according to Kate’s brother, who was unceremoniously booted from the show after season 2 or 3 because, as he states, “Kate didn’t want to share the money that was being doled out”. The funny thing through all of this is that in Kate’s televised interview, she’s even admitted to them having problems. And Jon wasn’t by her side. And she says she “doesn’t believe” the infidelity rumors are true, yet doesn’t flat out deny them and say there’s no way that’s possible. Look, I can’t feel sorry for these two. They’re giving us the “woe is us” B.S. and I just don’t buy it. Look at what your life has become since you popped out six kids. You’re making 75k a show, you live in a million dollar home, you fly for free everywhere you go, and all the other perks from the show you’ve gotten are ridiculous. Did you see this list? Here it is:

- Free beds
- Front-loader washing machines
- New furniture
- Free solar panels for “Going Green” episode
- Clothes from Gymboree and Gap
- Mady & Cara birthday at American Girl Place (2 dolls and birthday package for 2 adults & 2 kids): $710
- Trip to Florida Key’s for Jon’s 30th birthday
-Tickets to Dutch Wonderland amusement park: $309.50
-1/2 an organic cow from Natural Acres Farm: $1,395.00
-Tickets to Philadelphia Zoo: $104.00
-Tickets to Walt Disney World: $654.00 per day
- Utah house rental (estimate: $5,000), ski lift tickets $72 for six days), ski school lessons ($140 per child)
- Upright piano, which they got rid of when they moved into their new $1.1 million home : $5,550-$6,350
- Violin: $100-$300
- Old house re-carperted
-Crayola Factory Tour: $90.00
-Teeth Whitening (for Jon & Kate): $1,310 (average price for 2 adults)
-Hair plugs (Jon): $5,200 (average cost)
-Sesame Street Place tickets: $509.50
-Day with Thomas the Tank Engine: $180.00
-Beach trip to North Carolina, house rental, Jeep tour
-Sight & Sound Christian theatre tickets: $236.00
-SkyBox at Phillies game
-LegoLand tickets: $550.00
-San Diego Zoo tickets: $278.00
-Grand Wailea Resort (Hawaii) for 2008 vow renewal: Suites range from $725-$1,080 per night.
-2 purebred German Shepherd puppies: $1,000-$3,000 per dog
- Please Touch Museum tickets: $150.00
- Giants grocery store: $5,000 in gift cards and a year’s supply of diapers

And I’m supposed to feel sorry for this couple? They’re two of the luckiest sons of bitches on this planet, all for doing nothing but birthing six heads at a time. You were nobodies before all this happened, now you’re one of the more recognizable families out there. If your husband can’t keep it in his pants, that’s his problem. If you want to play hide the sausage with the bodyguard, that’s your problem. Don’t tell middle America how tough your life has become because people want a picture when you go to the grocery store or paparazzi camps out in front of your house. You brought that on yourself the minute you signed on the dotted line to have your lives taped.

“The Hills”

-As we know, Kristin Cavallari is replacing Lauren on the “Hills” next season and will make her first appearance in the season finale when she catches the bouquet at Speidi’s wedding. Wow. How coincidental? Anyway, she was interviewed this week and basically told those who didn’t know, yeah, ummm, our show is pretty fake. This is an interview with EW.com. Awesome.

On why she’s coming back to reality TV:
“The goal for me is to get my fans excited about me again. When I first started out, I had a celebrity name but I didn’t have the acting skills I have now. If I have some buzz with my name again, I feel like it will only help.”

On rumors that producers are plotting a romance between her and Justin Bobby (which The Hills producers deny):
“I have no idea! [laughs] I don’t think MTV would be like, ‘Oh you’re dating him now. This is your boyfriend.’ But they might try and set up situations. I’m totally cool with that. Again, it’s a TV show and they need to make it entertaining.”

On how her version of The Hills will differ from Lauren’s:
“I’m a completely different person than Lauren. I have a lot more energy. I’m more outgoing. I’m a little more spontaneous. And she has a boyfriend so she’s not dating on the show. I’m very open to dating and finding a guy.”

On introducing Heidi and Spencer:
“It’s so funny. I guess it was 4 years ago. I was dating Brody [Jenner] and Spencer was Brody’s best friend. I had known Heidi when she was friends with Lauren when we were still filming Laguna Beach. Heidi was like, ‘Hook me up with someone. I wanna meet a guy.’ And Brody and I were kinda like, ‘Well, maybe Spencer?’ We’ll see what happens.’ So we all went on a double date and they just hit it off right away and now they’re married.”

Gee, where do I begin? “I didn’t have the acting skills I have now.” Ooooh, cuz that’s what everyone watches this show for. The acting skills of the characters. If what you call what Audrina does “acting”, then they should just cancel the Oscars for the rest of this century because she’s disgracing the industry. Giving blank stares and facial expressions is acting? Since when?

“It’s a TV show and they need to make it entertaining.” Translation: None of this is real, we’re told what to do and say once we’re put into contrived situations that will create drama. And did I mention that I’m getting paid to do all this, so essentially, I do whatever they tell me to do.

“(Lauren) has a boyfriend so she’s not dating on the show.” Always been one of my favorite things about the “Hills” is that the show is supposed to be about Lauren’s city life, yet it doesn’t focus on the two most important things in her life. Her clothing line and her boyfriend. Nice. Really capturing the essence of who she really is by showing us her drinking lattes and listening to all of her friends drama.

And finally, the fact that Kristin was the one that introduced Heidi and Spencer officially means she’s the devil and needs to be cleared off this earth as soon as possible. Maybe the fake Locke can do away with her through his “loophole”.

“The Bachelorette”

-I’m going to answer this question only once so the emails quit pouring in. No, they have not completed filming of the “Bachelorette” yet, so for I believe the first time in shows history, the show will begin airing while filming is still going on. What does this mean? I don’t know. I guess it gives them an opportunity to not have the F1 get out so early. Or it means they could pull what they did in Charlie’s season and do a live finale in the end, which is something I’ve said over and over again, I don’t know why they’ve only done it once. The show started filming March 25 or 26th, and with the 6-8 week schedule it takes to shoot, not being done filming right now holds water. The rumors about Jillian not choosing anyone are just that at this point. Rumors. Considering they haven’t shot the final rose ceremony yet, I don’t even know how that could even be a rumor. Doesn’t make much sense.

-The lovely Laura Saltman over at AccessHollywood.com (who’s link you can find down the right hand column, “Dish of Salt”), has gotten to see clips of the premiere show and has a mini review up if you want to check it out. In it, she mentions that Jason and Molly are headed to Turks and Caicos this weekend for vacation. Which immediately brought up rumors that they are going to show up on Jillian’s final rose ceremony somehow to give their advice. Man, ever since last season, people seem to think that everything someone does means something in regards to the “Bachelor”. Chris Harrison tweets something, and immediately people want to tie it to the “Bachelorette”. Jason and Molly take a vacation, and immediately its got something to do with the show. Jason and Molly vacationing in Turks in Caicos means nothing more than Jason and Molly are vacationing in Turks and Caicos. I can’t imagine ABC is gonna have them show up during Jillians season considering they did that last season with DeAnna and her bogus appearance in New Zealand. But hey, if they want to shove it down our throats that J&M are still together, I’m sure they’ll find a way. I just don’t think they’d do it at Jillians expense.

That’s it for this week. Hope you enjoyed it. Next week, since the “Idol” results aren’t known til Wednesday, I’ll just include my “Idol” recap in with “Reality Roundup” on Friday. So before the emails and hate mail start flowing in, THERE WILL BE NO “IDOL” RECAP ON WEDNESDAY. Any questions, comments, praises, criticisms, stories, queries, email me at steve@realitysteve.com and I would be more than happy to answer any questions you may have. See you next Friday.

Administrator Reality Roundup

I love when people get upset and tell me how I should run MY website. Pretty hilarious if you ask me. Look, I read all your comments but there’s a reason I put my email address at the end of EVERY SINGLE COLUMN I write. You have a problem, question, criticism, email me. Writing it in the comments section seems a little chicken sh** if you ask me. The reason I don’t write in my own comments section is because, well, there’s no need to. I write my column to give my opinions, the comment section is there for yours. I love it when people have differing opinions and express it in the comments section. Hell, I encourage it. However, the reason I’m responding to those who commented on the last post when I told you my column would be up 2 DAYS LATE, is because you weren’t expressing an opinion, you were attacking me and your facts were completely wrong. I have no idea how long those people have been following me, but do you realize in the past, when it wasn’t during the “Bachelor/Bachelorette” season, I maybe wrote one or two columns TOTAL until the next season started? I do this for fun, and I’m writing twice a week. And judging by the numbers, as much as you claim to know otherwise (even though its basically impossible since only me and my webmaster know how many hits I get a month), your assessment that I’m “losing readers” couldn’t be further from the truth. So since none of you had the nerve to ask me directly in an email, I will respond to your criticisms one by one.

“You do not blog when you say you will”

Let’s remember one thing here. I don’t get paid for this. Haven’t for the last 7 years. This is all for fun, all on my own time. I don’t have to write anything if I don’t want to, but I like what I do, I enjoy entertaining people with the column, and I do my best to write as much as I can. As mentioned earlier, in the past, once “Bachelor” season ended in say May, you were lucky to get more than two columns out of me total until it started back up in September. So the fact that once Jason’s season ended, I told you I would have an “American Idol” recap up on Wedndesdays and “Reality Roundup” column up on Fridays, I’d say I’ve done a damn good job to stick to that promise. Don’t think so? Let me prove it:

“Two blogs a week is what we expect and you have not been able to hack it lately”

This was my favorite statement that couldn’t be more wrong. Why? Because your answer is right there down the right hand column where it says “Calendar”. That shows every column I’ve written since, well, ever. But for those having a hard time reading that or not taking the time to look at it, let me refresh your memory.

The “Bachelor” ended on Monday, March 2nd. I had a column up Monday the 2nd. And one on Tuesday, the 3rd. And Wednesday, the 4th. And the following Monday the 9th. That week started my “American Idol” and “Reality Roundup” recaps. I said the “Idol” columns would be up every Wednesday after the performance show on Tuesday night, and here are the dates I’ve written “Idol” recaps (Sometimes it actually posted on Tuesday night because I finished it before midnight Central time):

March 11th, 18th, 26th, 31st
April 7th, 14th, 22nd, 29th,
May 6th

So just to recap, I have yet to miss an “American Idol” column since the Top 13 started, which I said I would do.

As for “Reality Roundup”, I said it would be up every Friday. Here are the dates I’ve written a recap:

March 13th, 20th, 27th
April 10th, 17th, 24th,
May 1st

The only “Reality Roundup” that hasn’t shown up on a Friday since the “Bachelor” ended was on April 3rd, and if you remember, I told you I was going to be in California that weekend on vacation. I said I’d try, and I did, but I just couldn’t get around to finishing the whole thing. My apologies.

Then of course there was this past Friday where I said the “column will be up on Monday.” I didn’t say, “Screw this. I’m not doing a column this week, you’ll have to wait a week.” No, I said something else came up, and I was postponing it two days. Yet the minute it doesn’t go up, the “selective memory” starts to set in for some readers saying I never write when I say I will and that I’m slacking blah blah blah. If you take away the vacation I went on and didn’t write, you do realize I haven’t missed a column since the “Bachelor” ended until this past Friday, which you are getting now (Not to mention I’ve missed ONE “Bachelor/ette column in 15 seasons of covering the show. ONE). I think I’ve proven my point. Look, disagree with my opinions all you want, but don’t ever tell me how to run my own site and question my dedication to it. I find it insulting. The fact that you even took time out of your day to post in the comment section on how disappointed you are (even though I’ve missed one column in two months and that was due to vacation), makes me think you care even more than the average fan. So thank you, actually.

“Your fame has been a little sickening”

Ummmm, exactly what “fame” are you talking about? You know when I’ll consider what I do being “famous”? Never. I’m not famous because a tabloid mag quoted me. I’m not famous because I keep in touch with a few of the “Bachelor/ette” contestants. I’m not famous because a charity event invited me to their function. If some of you consider that famous, then we have completely different definitions of the word. The last thing I consider myself is “famous” or a “celebrity”. When paparazzi is waiting outside my apartment waiting to take pictures of me walking Maddie, that’s being famous. When I can’t go out in public without being surrounded by fans asking for pictures and autographs, that’s famous. When my personal life becomes public knowledge in magazines and internet sites, that’s famous. And you know what? None of that will ever happen, so I’m not too worried. I write a blog that’s meant for entertainment. If you like it, then read it. If you don’t, then don’t. No skin off my back. And judging by the numbers in the last few months, it seems like more and more of you are liking it.

“A legend in your own mind”

Ha ha. Laughable. Based on what? I’m a legend in my own mind? That’s news to me. When I’m making $50k a month off my website and having a team of writers draw pictures of penises around peoples mouths, then you can call me a legend. Until then, I’m just Reality Steve and I have a blog. As much of a talentless hack that I think Perez Hilton is, and whose site couldn’t possibly be any more different than mine, I respect the guy for what he’s done, as should most people. Who wouldn’t love to get paid that kind of cake on a monthly basis to basically do nothing but draw on peoples pictures? He’s a freakin genius if you ask me.

“You are losing followers every time you tell us how you are too busy to pay attention to this site”

I would really like someone to go back to a past column anywhere on this blog, and find where I said I’m too busy to pay attention to this site. The numbers speak for themselves above. When the “Bachelor” ended, I said I’d be writing twice a week, “American Idol” recaps on Wednesdays, and “Reality Roundups” on Friday. Every “Idol” column has been there, one “RR” column wasn’t because of vacation, and the other one (this one), is two days late. Not to mention, I’ve been working to get advertising on the site and we are roughly 8 days away from launching our merchandise store, which is a work in progress. The plan is to have the merchandise store ready to go on Tuesday, May 18th’s “Bachelorette Recap” column. We’ve got some good stuff I think, but this my first venture into the merchandise side, so this is definitely going to be a work in progress. Could be a few glitches, but we are going to take all your feedback into consideration and put out the best products possible. We’re going to launch somewhat small, but as the seasons change, we’ll come up with new looks and new products.

Whew. I feel better now. Just had to get that off my chest. Very rarely do you ever see me respond to peoples opinions on my own site, but I just had to this time because they couldn’t have been more wrong in what they were saying. So please, if any of you have an issue with anything I write, feel free to email me anytime steve@realitysteve.com and I will gladly respond back to you. Its usually better in an email then laying it out in the column, but this had to be said. On to this weeks column.

“Dancing With the Stars”

-So our first real surprise elimination of the season. Lil’ Kim goes home before Ty. Yes, that was surprising. But I mentioned this before, Lil’ Kims fan base for this show was very minimal. Of one of the four best dancers was in trouble to stick around, it was her. Ty obviously is well liked because he comes across as such a good guy. Although, I really could’ve done without the prepackaged video where he’s in his leopard robe watching himself dance on his iphone, while a half naked Jewel asks if he’s coming to bed, and basically blows her off so he can practice his form. Yeah, very believable. Despite having a snaggletooth, I’m guessing I would’ve ripped off my robe and hers the minute she asked me to come to bed. But no, Ty’s REALLY focused on winning this thing, so he’ll put off sex until he’s got every hold down pat. Sure he will.

-I really liked Melissa’s Viennese waltz this week. Why? Because we got to see her white boy shorts through her bottoms. Now, if only we could get a pair of “RealitySteve.com” boy shorts to wear on the show, that’d be perfect (Only 8 more days – hopefully). Let’s see if Melissa can dance as well as she twitters now. Since following her a couple weeks ago, I think twice now when she twittered, she repeated the same thing twice, sometimes even three times. Not that hard, Mel. Type 140 characters or less. Hit send. Not rocket science. But hey, she’s under a lot of stress now, I get it. She’s learning two dances a week, she’s a week away from being in the finals, and she’s dealing with the news that Jason and Molly are pregnant. Ha ha. KIDDING. Just felt I’d throw that out there just to see how many people relay this to other sites now. “Hey, Reality Steve said Jason and Molly are pregnant. Is that true?” No, it’s not. I made it up. All I know is they’re still together and that’s about it. A whole two months they’ve lasted. Which means they should pretty much been on the last few weeks of their relationship.

-I’m kinda enjoying this dance off they’re having every week to decide who is going to be next seasons next pro dancer. My guess? Afton Delgrosso. I can’t see it being the real tall skinny dude. He kinda creeps me out with his Randy Travis head. The blonde chick is good, but, something tells me Afton will win since she’s Ashley’s sister, who was on the first couple seasons and people seemed to like her. Real shocked to see Lisa Rinna be a celebrity dancer. Man, that chick is everywhere. First she’s campaigning to be on the new “Melrose Place”. Then when that doesn’t pan out she decides to take all her clothes off for “Playboy”. Is there a way that Lisa Rinna can just be presented to the rest of America from the neck down from now on? I feel that would add to her appeal. That is a ridiculous body she has for her age. But her face is like a mud fence.

-The one good thing about Lil’ Kim going home is the fact that we don’t have to hear about her bionic booty anymore. It was getting a little old. Yes, she has an ass you could show a movie on, but did we have to talk about it every single week? In fact, I didn’t know what was wider, her ass or her cheekbones? Tough call. And when your fan base is only allowed one outside call per day, its kinda tough for her to garner votes from Middle America. At least with her being eliminated now, Derek can concentrate on landing the role in “Footloose” he desperately wants. Seems like a good match for him to play Kevin Bacon’s character in the remake. Chace Crawford? Really? The guy would have to go through two months of dance training and still wouldn’t be as good as Derek. Probably a better idea to cast the guy who can already dance. Although regardless, has there been a re-make made in the last ten years that wasn’t a piece of crap? Nothing is coming to mind.

“‘American Idol’ Results Show”

-I don’t think it was much of a surprise that Allison went home, so, the biggest thing to talk about was Paula Abdul’s performance. I find it utterly hilarious that as a judge on a singing competition, and in this much talked about first ever performance for her on the show in its 8 seasons, she lip synchs about as bad as anyone can. Obviously, she’s a dancer, and anyone dancing and performing at the same time usually does lip synch. However, I swear, my biggest pet peeve when it comes to this is the performers who wear the wrap around microphone when lip synching. Why? What’s the point? We know you’re not singing live. Do you really have to wear a microphone to pretend that you are? Do you really think people are actually fooled by this. I think Paula is forgetting how old she is. She’s trying waaaaaay too hard to be young again, and sorry woman, but your “Forever Your Girl” days are 20 years behind you. Move on. Sing ballads or something. I thought the song sucked as did her performance as she tried to keep up with 20 year old back up dancers. It was a hot mess if you ask me.

-I’ve always liked final three week because this is usually where Clive Davis picks a song for each of the contestants to sing, then each judge picks a song for them (at least back when there were three judges they did), then they do one of their own choosing. I have no idea what judge is picking what song for contestant but if you were in attendance at either of Danny, Adam, or Kris’ hometown dates, I’m sure you know since that’s when it was announced. Heard Danny had 25,000 show up for his hometown appearance, Kris had close to 20,000, and Adam had a lot as well. Most wearing rainbow colored shirts. I’m kidding. I have no idea what they were wearing. But they were all holding hands. Sorry. Couldn’t help myself. I could care less if Adam is gay, doesn’t bother me in the least bit, but if you don’t think for a second there are certain regions of the country where that won’t play a role in who they vote for, you’re sorely mistaken. I think it’s gonna be close. Still think Gokey is gonna win this thing as I predicted that from when the final 36 began, so I’ll stick with it.

“Survivor”

-Unless Coach wins Immunity this week, chances are he’s gone. Sierra pretty much all but admitted it in her exit interview that Jalapao was targeting Debbie and Coach to be the next two after they eliminated her. Pretty amazing to think that at the merge, Timbera had a 6-4 advantage, and right now, it’s a 3-2 Jalapao advantage, with one of those two Timbera’s being Erinn, who essentially jumped ship to Jalapao immediately at the merge. I think Probst said it best in his blog on Friday, when he said that Erinn essentially changed the whole game. Even if you’re at the bottom of the totem pole in an alliance (like she was with Timbera), the minute you decide to flip, you can completely change the game. You go from the bottom of one alliance, to the middle of the pack of another.

-If JT ends up winning this thing, I hope that he spends a few bucks to fix the Terminator mouth his sister has going on there. Yikes. I haven’t seen that much metal since Schwarzenegger was protecting John Connor from the T-1000. She needs to wear her head gear more or else those things are never coming off. Trust me. I’m speaking from experience. This coming from a guy who had a full set of braces in 4th grade and was only supposed to have them for 2 years maximum. Of course, when you never wear your head gear and you eat all the things you weren’t supposed to, they don’t end up taking off your braces til sophomore year. Yes, quite the lady killer I was, I know. Nothing like having rubber bands in your mouth when you’re trying to shove your tongue down a chicks throat. That’s ok. I’ve come a long way.

“Celebrity Apprentice”

-That was a joke. Let’s make one thing clear, Joan Rivers conducted herself on the show about as poorly as a woman can. Just because she’s 75, I’m supposed to feel sorry for her? She came across as an egotistical whining baby, just like her daughter, who essentially interrupted you every time you had a point or made an argument against her. Let’s be real here, anyone who watched the whole season of the show knows that Annie Duke was the “winner.” She summed it up best in her final plea last night. She brought in the most money, she won the most challenges, she was never brought back into the boardroom by teammates, and she won the most times as project manager. Not to mention she never called anyone a “whore pit viper”. Everything she said summed it up. I think Trump picked Joan because last season, Piers won basically because he blew everyones doors off by raising way more money by everyone else. If Trump picks Annie this season, I think it would eventually be conceding that this is contest for whoever brings in the most money. Which then doesn’t make it interesting since you’d know who’d have done that by the time the finale rolled around. That finale was an embarrassment. I can’t believe anyone who watched that, or watched the whole season like I did, could actually say that Joan conducted herself in a professional manner. What a disgrace.

-Annie was right when she said if anyone ever said some of the things Joan did in a real workplace, that’d be a fireable offense. No question about it. But in the end, does any of this really matter? Of course not. In the final task, Joan raised $150k for her charity. Annie raised $450k. With the $250k that Joan gets for her charity for winning, she STILL didn’t raise as much as Annie. Not to mention all previous tasks where Annie raised tons more than her. So who exactly “won” here? Yeah, Joan gets to call herself the “Celebrity Apprentice”, but Annie raised the most money for her charity and carried herself a hell of a lot more professional in the process. So I wouldn’t get too bent out of shape that Joan won. The only thing she won was a fake title of “Celebrity Apprentice”, which carries about as much weight in Hollywood as “reality TV star”. I think Joan’s age definitely played a role in her being picked, but the Donald really didn’t do himself any favors by picking Joan, yet not giving anyone any explanation for why he did.

-If we’re basing the winner on the entire season, Annie wins. If you’re basing it on the final task, which given the criteria that was laid out, Joan won, then what’s the point of having 13 episodes of tasks if that’s not being taken into account? I like how Donald announces Joan the winner with 1 minute left in the show, doesn’t give anyone an explanation for why he did, and just stands up and claps and says “See you next season”. Great Donald. Thanks for the clarification. The whole concept of this show is pretty stupid to begin with since its not clearly defined what the hell you have to do to win. Annie beat down Joan in every single way possible from the first episode to the last, except for the final task where Joan beat her 3-2 based on the criteria. I highly doubt that should’ve made her the winner. Not to mention, remember earlier in the season, Joan MISSED 3 challenges due to other obligations. So basically, this show has no criteria whatsoever and they’re just looking to create drama and get eyeballs to the TV set. Gee, a reality show that looks to create drama? No way!

-As for Melissa Rivers meltdown which I’ve yet to get to, well, that pretty much speaks for itself. Look at the way her old bag of a mother conducts herself and you realize the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. And you wonder why these two are laughed at in Hollywood circles? They’re a joke. They can spout off all they want about their credentials, but seriously, name me someone under the age of 60 who finds Joan Rivers the least bit funny? She appeals to an older generation, I get it. But I honestly can’t think of one funny thing she said all season. She’s loud, she’s obnoxious, she has no idea how to conduct herself during an argument, and I think she’s senile to boot. I don’t understand her flipping out about the designer quitting on her. Now, of course some editing is involved, but it seemed clear as day to me that her designer quit because he couldn’t deal with her, which in turn meant that Annie’s designer quit and put them both in a serious hole. How come this wasn’t addressed in the live finale? Probably because it was true. I think it would’ve been pretty easy to get some sort of statement from the event planning company and ask why both of their designers quit the night before the event. I think we know the answer, but since that would’ve been another huge red mark against Joan, the Donald couldn’t have justified picking her if that was the case. An all around ridiculous finale, and anyone with half a brain who watched the whole season knows who truly “won”. If Annie raised the most money, but in the process, acted the way Joan did, then I’d say, “Fine. Joan wins.” But it was the complete opposite. Annie raised WAAAAAY more money than anyone else, and didn’t act like a loudmouth, obnoxious, senile old bag in the process.

“The Hills”

-So Brody really cheated on his Playboy Playmate girlfriend with Audrina? Really? They still haven’t been real clear on what happened. Brody tells his boys in Hawaii (minus the “Bromance” winner yet again), that he cheated, yet all they’ve been alluding to was that Audrina stayed the night in his bed. And when Jayde confronted her, there’s no mention of sex or anything and apparently even she’s convinced all she did was sleep in his room. Uhhh, Jayde, if you’re convinced Audrina slept in Brody’s room overnight in Hawaii and that’s ALL that happened, then you’re as dumb as the silicone crammed into your chest. Of course, this is all contrived anyway to create drama, so for all we know, Brody and Audrina hate each other and this was just another storyline for the show. Funny how there’s ALWAYS some drama with every character on the show, except Lauren. No wonder she’s bolting at the end of this season. They ran out of good scripts for her.

-What perfect timing. Lauren isn’t coming back for season 5, and at Speidi’s wedding, we see Kristin Cavalleri making an appearance and find out she’s signed on. Outstanding. I love it. I guess they found a new whipping girl to create a bunch of fake drama around. Word out now is that she’ll be put into a fake romance with Justin Bobby. Oh geez. If it wasn’t scripted before, now you know it is. Justin Bobby? Really? We’re expected to believe she has an interest in that guy? Uh huh. Sure she does. What a train wreck this show is becoming. Before you know it, Stephen is going to be reappearing and this will turn into “Laguna Beach” all over again.

-I liked the episode where Heidi’s ex came in to town with his new girlfriend and they forced them to have lunch with Speidi. Heidi’s ex’s new girlfriend might’ve had the line of the season when she told Heidi, “You look so different than in the pictures I’ve seen.” Honey, that’s because now she’s plastic woman. The girl you saw in high school pictures had no figure, no self esteem, and wasn’t dating a douchenozzle like Spencer. Now she’s got 500cc’s of botox shot into her face, she’s got fake (although spectacular) 36DD’s, and enough collagen injections in her lips to make Lisa Rinna jealous. So yeah, I’d say she looks a little different than in the high school pictures you saw. But thanks for pointing that out to her right to her face. Made for a “Hills” moment that I’ll never forget.

-You know how much I love “Survivor”, and I’ve always sung the praises of its creator Mark Burnett for being the pioneer in America for reality television (outside of the “Celebrity Apprentice” of course). Which is why I am shocked to hear that of all people, Mark Burnett is actually going to be the executive producer behind Audrina’s upcoming reality show. Really? Mark Burnett thinks Audrina Patridge’s social life is that exciting that he’s willing to take cameras to follow her around all day? What am I missing here? She’s a 5th rate character on a horribly scripted MTV reality show. She had a cameo appearance in “Into the Blue 2″ that’s a straight-to-DVD sequel of the original, and she gets killed in what I’m sure will be an awful horror flick “Sorority Row”. Man, for every “Survivor” Burnett has given us, he’s sure equaling that with a complete dud. I cannot believe he’s the exec producer on Audrina’s upcoming show. Embarrassing. For him and the rest of us.

-Quick question: Has anyone ever seen Stephanie Pratt and Brooke Hogan in the same room at the same time? Didn’t think so.

“Jon and Kate Plus Eight”

-Let me first start off by saying I’ve never seen a complete episode of this season. Ill stop and watch briefly when I’m flipping channels, but this is not must see TV for me. Why would I want to watch a guy get balled whipped by his wife on national television? Depressing really. And you wonder why the guy is cheating now. Look, whether you choose to believe the US Weekly stories is entirely up to you, but lets face it, where there’s smoke, there’s fire. There is too much evidence piling up against him for me to believe this guy is just “friends” with a 3rd grade teacher from his hometown that he invites over to sunbathe with when his wife is out of town. C’mon people. Open your eyes. I think its pretty obvious what’s going on here. And if Kate is naive enough to think that Jon and DeAnna are “just friends”, then she’s half as stupid as he is. Not to mention a completely bigger bitch. Let’s face it, these people are celebrities now. And believe or not, celebrities cheat. A lot. Waaaaaaay more than you think. But only stupid ones like this actually get caught. Jon, you live in a small Pennsylvania town, how did you possibly think you wouldn’t get caught? That’s all those people have to live for out there is to check out what their two local celebrities are up to. Much easier to get away with bangin a 23 year old if you’re living in Hollywood cuz they all essentially do it.

-And if you’re one of the fans of the show who tending to believe that none of this is true, then I don’t know what to tell you. There’s a faction out there that is saying this is all being done as a publicity stunt so that it’ll generate more viewers for the next season which premieres later this month. If that’s the case, wouldn’t that make Jon and Kate even worse human beings than if he was actually cheating? You mean to tell me that they’d embarrass their children on national television by coming up with a fake storyline of “Daddy is boinking the grammar school teacher” just to grab some ratings? Ugh. Makes them even worse in my eyes. So he’s either cheating, which makes him a pig, or this is all being done to generate interest in the show, which makes them both guilty of being selfish publicity hounds out for the almighty dollar. Congrats Gosselins. Quite the family you’ve become. I’m sure all of your eight kids will grow up to be completely normal now.

“The Duel 2″

-I’m starting to wonder if this show will ever end? My guess is no. And you know what? It shouldn’t. Of all the spinoffs MTV has done, this show could get spun off 50 times and I don’t think we’d ever be disappointed. Who doesn’t want to see drinking, sex, cat fighting, and challenges where money and Bose headphones are up for grabs every week? I certainly do. And with more seasons of the “Real World” continuing, you’ll always have some new fresh meat to add every season as the sacrificial lambs. This stuff will never get old to me. I’m so disappointed I never watched “The Island”. Who won? What’d they win? And by the way, do you realize the next season of the “Real World” is in Cancun? Really? “RW: Cancun” might make “RW: Las Vegas” seem G-rated. Holy smokes. What kind of job are they gonna get in that season? Working at the free clinic to test all college kids on spring break for STD’s? Can’t wait for that season to start. The cast has already been leaked online in case you want to check it out. Filming ended right before the swine flu broke out. Damn. That might’ve made it one of the best seasons yet. “On the next ‘Real World’, Betsy gets her pregnancy and chlamydia results back, along with finding out if she ate some bad pork and has the swine flu.”

“The Bachelorette”

-Only a week away from Jillians premiere. The headshots and mini bios of the 30 guys are up now on ABC.com if you want to check them out. I hope a lot of you aren’t expecting what happened in Jason’s season is going to happen again. If you are, you’re going to be disappointed. Jillians season is just going to be like any other season, other than having 30 guys to choose from. Same one on one dates, same group dates, same cheesy lines, etc. Don’t think there’s going to be this crazy drama every season. This should go back to being its normal, standard show where a bunch of fake relationships are formed and Jillian chooses some guy in the end that she’ll eventually never get married to. The End. I find it comical that they’re centering the show around a chick from Canada, yet of the 30 guys they “cast”, not one of them is from Canada. Very realistic. Let’s just say, once again, that Texas represents well this season.

-I got quite a few emails in the last few days regarding the latest issue of “US Weekly” which alludes to a possible romance starting up again between Jeremy and DeAnna since they were both in Vegas a couple weekends ago and took some pictures together. Rather than speculate, I went straight to the source and tried getting a hold of Jeremy but he was out of town this weekend. I will let you know as soon as I find out anything. As far as I know, Jeremy and DeAnna are not together. What I do know is that he’s no longer with the Dallas Cowboy cheerleader he was dating, which is disappointing. I liked her. Those are my two cents. But hey, that’s their business, their relationship, and I don’t need to intervene. Whatever happened, happened. I don’t know the details other than they’re no longer together. I will try and find out what I can if there’s any truth the Jeremy/DeAnna rumors floating around.

So even though this column is being posted today, there still will be a “Reality Roundup” column on Friday. I know I took a while to explain my side at the beginning of this column, but hey, I’m wordy sometimes. Bottom line is you can disagree with my opinions all you want, but don’t accuse me of things that flat out aren’t true. And if you have a problem with me, or something I write, come to me directly. Email me at steve@realitysteve.com and I would be more than happy to answer any questions you may have. See you Wednesday.

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