Ok, so I’m a little late. Sorry. Just needed to find the time and motivation to sit down and hash this thing out. First things first, if you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you saw me mention last week that I got dressed up for Halloween for the first time in probably 20 years this past weekend. Good times. Happy Hour lasted till the wee hours of the morning. No, I didn’t go as Jake. I thought it was rather obvious who I went as, but I’d say 75% of the people who came up to me asked, “Are you Octodad?” Huh? Who the hell is Octodad? Once I pointed out the Bluetooth, the earrings (which you can’t see in the pics), the Ed Hardy shirt, the eight kids, and the lovely inscription on the back, they seemed to guess correctly.

More “Bachelor” News

So I’ve gotten this bit of info regarding a girl who was cast to be on this season with Jake. I emphasize “was”. This particular girl was flown out to LA to be one of the 25 bachelorettes. The afternoon of the meet-and-greets, she was upstairs getting ready, then came down to film her ITM (in the moment). When she sat down, her handler gave her a piece of paper with lines to memorize. She was told to memorize those lines and say them when they started filming. What was she supposed to say to the camera? “When I first saw Jake, I fell in love. I can’t wait to fly away with him someday.” The girl basically told her handler, “No, I’m not saying this. I haven’t even met the guy yet.” The handler told her she had to, and that they’d just run it after she met him. The girl said no. Back and forth they went, until the girl just decided she didn’t want to do the show anymore and walked out, got her stuff, and left the show.

Now, obviously no one will ever see this when the season starts. This girl will never be on camera since she’s not one of the 25 bachelorettes. She left before the filming started. When the show flys all the girls out for the beginning of filming, they bring in more than 25 girls just in case something like this happens. Wasn’t the first time it happened, and it certainly won’t be the last. But just know it happened this season. Kinda funny that now they are actually telling people exact lines to say instead of just putting them together and saying, “Here, talk about this.” Look, we’ve always known the show wasn’t real and I think a lot of people have come to accept that. But my problem has always been that they constantly are trying to tell us it is. That they just “throw 25 women in a house, roll the cameras, and drama ensues.” Uhhhh, not quite. “Here, read these lines about how much you love Jake even though you haven’t met him yet” is a bit much, don’t you think? So when you’re watching the first episode this season, and you hear girls falling all over Jake talking about how great he is and they are so in love, just know that those were filmed before they even met him, and that the girls saying that were basically ones who just agreed to do whatever the producers told them to. As opposed to the other girl I just told you about who basically stood up for herself and realized how ridiculous the whole thing was.

Had a great night last Wednesday night at the Dallas Stars hockey game with Jeremy, Tanner, and Kiptyn. Tanner has basically turned into a rock star from his appearance on the show. I think more women were interested in talking to him than watching the game. My first chance to ever meet or talk to Kiptyn. Glad to see that he got to witness his first hockey game. No need to go into details about what was talked about and all the shenanigans that transpired that night. Some things are better left unsaid. All good guys, we had a great time, and I’m guessing in the near future, we’ll be dropping more drinks and catching falling drunk women back there in no time. I will say this on Tanner’s behalf: I think he and I watch the same exact shows. After going through his recorded shows on his DVR, I could’ve sworn it looked like an exact replica of mine. The city of Dallas belongs to Tanner Pope. We’re just all lucky he lets us live in it. Daddy is a rock star, no doubt.

So did you see this article last week in “People” magazine regarding Ed and Jillian? Interesting to say the least. Why some reporter decided to ask them about Jillian’s lingerie collection is beyond me. Of course Ed, being a man who has such a way with words (”I want to molest you when I get home”, “Bring the beer and condoms”), had this to say when asked what’s the sexiest thing a woman could wear. “No panties.” Ok, first off, he didn’t even answer the question. The question asked the sexiest thing a woman could wear, and he responded with something that she SHOULDN’T wear. Secondly Ed, it’s perfectly normal for you like it when your girlfriend goes panty-less. Especially when they don’t tell you about it beforehand. I just tend to think that’s not the answer you want to give to a magazine read by millions of people. Showing some tact would be nice, but I guess then consider the source and everything we’ve read and heard about the guy. Maybe that’s just who he is. But c’mon buddy. Probably not the answer you needed to give in that situation. By all means you can think it, but personally, I just wouldn’t have expressed it to “People” magazine. To each their own.

So the biggest news in the last week regarding this show was the engagement in New Zealand of Jason and Molly. Before I give my comments, I actually found this amusing, which is odd, since I didn’t think Regis Philbin has done anything funny in 20 years. But the re-enactment of the Jason/Melissa break up gave me a good chuckle. Here it is:

Lets first off talk about the engagement itself. Congrats to those two. If it works for them, then so be it. Personally would I have done the engagement back in New Zealand and immediately had the tabloids reporting it? No. I thought they wanted this all to go away? I understand most Jason & Molly fans are thinking more like, “Awwww, he proposed where they had their first date. So romantic.” But for as much as those two got criticized for everything that happened, and I was front and center leading that charge, I guess I would’ve just laid a little low and not made such a presentation out of it. The proposal back in New Zealand, pictures ready immediately, cover of “US Weekly” saying you’re not the “villain”, etc. Look, I get that he wanted to do it back where he says he should’ve done it in the first place. I just wouldn’t of if I’m trying to distance myself from everything that happened. Their words say they are, but the actions don’t.

With that said, I’m going to share something with everyone that very few people know. When Jillian’s season ended, I actually got in touch with Jason and we finally had a man-to-man talk about everything that went down. He shared his side, and I shared mine. Do we agree on everything? No. He was very persuasive in what he said, and I told him how I felt about how everything played out. Til the end of time, we will both agree to disagree on the events that happened while he was on the show. I feel my sources had no reason to lie to me, and he says that’s not how it went down. I’m fine with that. I don’t hate the guy. Never did. I just expressed to him I think he could’ve handled the whole situation completely different. But that’s yesterday’s news. It happened almost a year ago. He’s moved on, he’s happy, he’s engaged, Melissa’s moved on, she’s engaged, so who am I to harp on it anymore? It’s put to rest. We both said what we needed to say to each other, and I think both of us came out with a better understanding. I emailed him after I heard about the engagement congratulating him and Molly, and he responded with a thank you. I’ll admit, I was rather harsh on the guy for a good two months. Sure he deserved some of it, but probably not as much as I gave.

I don’t think Jason and I will ever be golfing buddies, and I’m certainly not expecting any sort of invite to the wedding, but for those that think I’m out to ruin peoples lives and constantly make fun of them, well, I just don’t think you understand the site and how I write. That’s ok. It’s not for everyone. I’m glad Jason and I hashed things out for the most part. Who am I rain on he and Molly’s parade? Hey, at least they got engaged as opposed to most of these couples who don’t even get that far. Personally, I just wish he’d stop going to the “I’m not a villain” card and just let everything that happened on the show go. No matter what he says or does, people are still going to hate him regardless. It’s almost like he’s trying to please everyone and that’s just impossible. He’s got his fans, and he should just enjoy them. The haters will be there no matter what he says. But telling people again his side of what happened just isn’t what needs to be done now.

I will say that what he told “US Weekly” about having to confront Molly on TV rather than lose her to the “Bachelorette” was exactly what he told me a couple months ago, so, I at least give him some credit for keeping his stories straight. We can debate that until the end of time (and I think I did on the phone), but regardless, it’s over and done with. They’re engaged, Molly’s moved to Seattle, she found a job, and they’re happy. In the end, I guess that’s all that matters, right? No need to bring them up anymore until their wedding or if there’s some nasty breakup. So good luck to the two of them. Been a pretty crazy year, but it seems like they’re happy and moving on. Good. Now I can too.

Yes, in case you haven’t heard the news, both Holly and DeAnna are dating the Stagliano brothers. Holly of course is still dating Michael from Jillian’s season, and DeAnna has been dating Stephen Stagliano for a good month. I really have no idea what to make of all this. Good luck to the four of them. I’m sure the world will be a better place with Holly Durst and DeAnna Pappas as sister-in-laws someday. Oh my. Somewhere Jesse Csincsak is gathering former contestants for another reunion, making sure video cameras are rolling, and shaking his head.

As far as the “Bachelor/ette” reunion cruise from LA to Mexico last weekend, I don’t think it’s going to be its own show. Probably just like the Vegas reunion, I’m sure there’ll be footage popping up somewhere on a “Men Tell All” episode. When I saw Kiptyn last Wednesday, he mentioned that he was going on it. As were Wes, Jesse Kovacs, Jesse Csincsak, Robby D, and a few others. That’s about all I know. Pictures are already all over facebook if you want to go look for them.

One final note on the “Bachelor”, it was announced yesterday that this season is going to be the first one in HD. Outstanding. So are we actually going to get to see the implant scars this season? Or the botox injections? I cannot wait. Jake is already claiming that his wife is one of the 25 women cast for the show. And now that we’ll get all their physical defects in HD, can this season possibly get any better? I highly doubt it. To see him get down on one knee and propose to some goody two-shoes, church going, southern belle might be the highlight of my 2010. Then to watch them celebrate by letting off a bunch of white doves and going crazy with the milk and cookies, can that possibly be topped? “The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love” beginning January 4th. Get your barf bags ready, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.

I wanted to cover more this week, but I’m tired, I have a long day ahead of me, and I still need some catching up to do on some shows. So next week we’ll return with “Reality Roundup” as I cover “Survivor”, “Dancing with the Stars”, the new “Celebrity Apprentice” cast, “Sex Rehab”, the “Ruins”, plus some other tidbits. Also, the interview with former “Survivor: Micronesia” and “Fans vs Favorites” Eliza Orlins will be happening soon as well, so stay tuned for that. To follow me on Twitter or become a friend on Facebook, scroll down the right hand column and find the corresponding link under “My Stuff”. Any questions, comments, emails, praises, criticisms, or opinions, feel free to email me at steve@realitysteve.com. Until next week…

Administrator The Bachelor 13 - Jason, The Bachelor 14 - Jake, The Bachelorette 4 - DeAnna, The Bachelorette 5 - Jillian

A few things to get to today including reaction to Jake’s comments since being announced as the “Bachelor”. This guy is a piece of work. Also, some thoughts on “Survivor,” “Dancing with the Stars,” The “Hills,” The “Ruins,” plus some other TV notes. I can’t get to “Leave it Lamas” this week because I haven’t watched the premiere episode yet. Just haven’t had time to get around to it. Something tells me though I’m not missing much. Call me crazy.

The Bachelor

So ever since Jake sat in the audience of “DWTS” Tuesday night and they basically mocked him to his face, he’s made the rounds with the magazines giving his thoughts on the whole thing. I’ve cut and pasted quotes he gave to “US Weekly” and “People” below, then given you the real translation of what he was saying, in case you couldn’t figure it out for yourself.

US Weekly: (Link: “Jake Won’t Deal with Contestants Having Beaus Back Home”)

“It’s such a unique opportunity. I still cannot believe this is happening. How did I get here?” Translation: After hours and hours of praying on my knees and begging the producers to make me the “Bachelor”, and after Reid and Kiptyn wanted no part of the show anymore and turned it down, they finally succumbed and gave it to me. I’m so excited I celebrated with a glass of milk.

On coming on too strong with Jillian: “I was like, ‘Oh! Tone it down a bit!’ That’s what I took away from ‘The Bachelorette’. I was just so excited. I wanted her to like me because she’s so gorgeous and such a great person. And I tried just a little too hard.” Translation: You think? You mean falling in love with someone after one date is considered “trying too hard”. No way! If you were that ga-ga over Jillian after one stupid country western date, I can only imagine how many women you’ll want to propose to after the meet-and-greets. Maybe this will turn into a season of “Big Love” where Jake just says, “You know what? F— it. I want to marry four of these women.” Then they all run off to Utah and live happily ever after there.

On going to past Bachelors for tips: “I’ve seen a lot of other seasons, but I’m not planning on that. I want to go in fresh. I know that they are making a show that ultimately doesn’t have anything to do with my goals. I want to meet these girls, and I want to fall in love and let them down as gently as possible at the end.” Translation: Jake’s seen a lot of other seasons? Gee, never would’ve thought that. And yeah, probably not a good idea to get tips from previous Bachelors considering NONE of them are married. Exactly what type of keen insight is Lorenzo Borghese going to give you? Want some advice on how to take a punch from Byron Velvick? How about going to Jason Mesnick and asking him about the art of flip-flopping? The only one I’d talk to would be Jesse Palmer. The legend has it that he’s the one former Bachelor who’s laid pipe to the most former contestants. However, God might strike you down if you do that.

On what he’s looking for: “The four most important things to me are similar qualities — someone who is romantic, passionate, compassionate and protective…and will laugh at my jokes!” Translation: That’s what you call them? Jokes? Could’ve fooled me. I thought of them as the worst attempts at humor this side of Carlos Mencia.

“People” Magazine: (Link: “And the new Bachelor is…Jake!”)

“I’ve dated some really amazing girls, but I’ve never been successful at finding that one girl. And I saw how the whole thing comes together, the process with Jillian. I saw how the process works and I believe in it. That’s a unique way to meet somebody.” Translation: Yes, don’t we all believe in this process? You know, the one that has produced one wedding in 18 seasons? Why shouldn’t we? Those are unbelievable odds in your favor. Jake must not be much of a gambler.

“I fly on the weekends, play golf, go to a movie, but I’m not a couch potato. That’s the one thing I have to make these girls understand, I have a lot of energy. I love salsa dancing. Country dancing on a Thursday night in Dallas is really fun, too. I enjoy working with my hands, creating or building something, landscaping and doing garden work. Even if [a woman] didn’t enjoy doing the things that I do, I would want her to be a part of them because I love them so much.” Translation: Ladies, the line forms to the left if you want to go landscaping with Jake Pavelka. Yeah, I know a ton of chicks that just love getting down and dirty with garden work and landscaping. Total panty dropper. Usually those chicks have mullets and wear Timberland boots. And are huge WNBA fans. Good luck to you, Jake. Really. Knock em’ dead.

Like I’ve stated, can’t wait for this season to start. I believe the meet and greet was last night and some of our ladies have already been sent home. I wonder if Jake wrote each of them a handwritten note explaining why he had to let them go. Even though we all know the first night is based purely on looks. Ha ha. For as much as ABC hates me, they sure don’t do themselves any favors by casting a guy who lives in Dallas. Do they not think I’m gonna find stuff out? Idiots. Anyway, any good friends of Jakes want to hit me up with some stories, feel free to contact me at steve@realitysteve.com.

“Survivor”

I’ve always said that “Survivor” is probably my favorite reality show, along with “American Idol”. However with that said, there’s not a chance in hell I could ever make it on that show. Why? Last night’s episode. No, not the eating of bugs or anything like that. Although, one thing I absolutely cannot stand is getting bit by bugs. So yeah, that might do me in right there. But other than that, I don’t think I could ever deal with the sleeping at night during a thunderstorm. I can barely sleep during a thunderstorm when I’m inside on my bed. We had one the other night. I couldn’t imagine getting up during it, walking outside, laying a few bamboo sticks down, bringing out one blanket, and spending the whole night in it. Are you crazy? No thanks. I’ll stay in here where it’s nice and warm and I can cuddle with Maddie.

So I was alerted to cast list for next seasons “Heroes vs Villains” that’s already been filmed. Didn’t want to read the spoilers of what actually happens since it completely takes away any suspense the show has. “The Bachelor?” I could care less if I know who the final four and final two are. I don’t sit around during the rose ceremonies biting my fingernails wondering who’s gonna stay or who’s gonna leave. “Survivor” is a different animal. If I already know who’s leaving, then there’s no intrigue in the episode at all since you’ll be able to see through the editing, and you’ll already know which tribe wins Immunity. What fun is that, Eliza? Ha ha. Anyway, interesting cast list. I figured it would just be anybody who’s been on since the “Fans vs Favorites” season. Nope. They’re going way back. And over half the people on next season will be making their 3rd appearance on the show. Weird.

As for Eliza Orlins, you probably remember her from the “Vanuatu” season and “Fans vs Favorites”. Well, we are going to have her on shortly for a podcast to discuss all things “Survivor”. Won’t be a weekly segment, but I was thinking maybe I’ll do one right after the merge, and then right before the final four. Still haven’t decided yet. But look forward to that in the future.

“Dancing With the Stars”

Carrie Ann Inaba may be a hot cougar, but there’s something about her on the show that’s always annoyed me. However, she totally redeemed herself this week when she told Aaron Carter that he’s trying way too hard and his dancing is turning people off. Good. That’s what that little punk gets for running his mouth earlier this season. And I’m loving the behind-the-scenes feud he and Maksim are having. Maksim is basically claiming that everyone on set knows there’s something going on with Aaron and Karina, and Carter is denying. Plus, since Maks got the boot last week, he got in a little dig saying it’s been “less tense” on the set without Max around. Awesome. Sorry, I’m Team Max. Always have been. He’d squash Aaron Carter like a grape. He’d hop-shuffle-step-ball-chain all over his scrawny ass. I don’t even know if that’s the right dance lingo. Sounded good though. From the immortal “Dumb And Dumber”, “Kick his ass, Sea Bass!”

I wasn’t too down with these four new dances introduced this week. The Charleston and the Two-Step seemed way too hokey for me. Plus, the degree of difficulty wasn’t nearly what it is for the other dances. Although, the two-step this week did produce one of the worst dances in the history of the show when Louie and Chelsie danced. Holy crap. I don’t think Louie did one move the whole time. He perfected the art of walking and that was about it. If women didn’t find him as cute as a button and didn’t want to see him and Chelsie as a couple, he’d probably have been eliminated in Week 1. He was terrible this week.

Hey Aaron, it’s Michael “Irvin”, not Michael “Irving”. Amazing now he’s called him that on more than one occasion and no one’s corrected him on it. Then again, when the little nancy is crying on Michael Irvin’s shoulder after he gets a bad score, what are you gonna do? Kick him while he’s down? Well, I sure would. I usually like most of the contestants they’ve ever had on this show. Aaron Carter is a weenie. His dancing does bother me, he’s incredibly cocky, and he has a giant vein that runs down his forehead that scares the crap out of me. I feel like an alien is going to come shooting out of his forehead at any minute. Glad he was in the bottom two this week. Maybe that means the audience hates him too.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I’ve always been a fan of Derek Hough. Granted, he let one get away when he and Shannon Elizabeth broke up, but c’mon now, am I supposed to believe that he and Joanna Krupa aren’t doing the horizontal lambada? Please. The guy is practically pitching a tent every time during rehearsals. And their whole routine this week was essentially soft porn. What’s harder: to get a 10 from the judges, or Joanna’s implants? Hmmmm, tough one. Those things never move an inch. It’s like the doctor shoved two giant paper weights in those things.

“The Hills”

Dumping Lauren Conrad and adding Kristin Cavallari was just about the best damn decision that show ever made. Sure the show is still completely fake and ridiculous, but at least I get to enjoy seeing Kristin prance around my screen all slutty each week. I always liked Kristin back to the “Laguna Beach” days, but she is looking might fine these days. Damn. Obviously the whole Justin Bobby stuff is completely for television and there isn’t a chance in hell she’s with him, but it sure is fun to watch. Anytime Audrina gets less airtime or they’re making her look bad, I’m a happy man. The fact that Kristin moves in and completely starts mounting Audrina’s ex, then Audrina starts seeing Justin Bobby’s best friend behind his back pretty much tells you all you need to know about how scripted it is.

Brody’s girlfriend Jayde isn’t getting any better looking either. What happened to her? Why do I remember her being hot at some point? Or am I mixing her up with someone else? Whatever the case, she looks haggard nowadays. Since anyone associated with the Kardashian clan seems to be married or knocked up lately, I’m expecting Brody and her to announce and engagement or pregnancy any minute. Feel sorry for their future kid. Eyes will be going every which way but straight ahead.

“The Ruins”

Still haven’t watched this past Wednesday’s episode, but if it’s anything like the first two, it’s TV gold. Wes is a one man wrecking crew. I hope at some point this season he doesn’t make up with his teammates and they all become buddies again. This show is infinitely better with Wes banging a member of the other team, while his ex fiancée is on his team trying to convince him that he better not throw more challenges, or she’s selling their house and keeping the money since her name is on title. Awesome. You couldn’t make this stuff up if you tried. All the while, Johanna is now screwing Wes’ biggest enemy. If you’re not watching this show, you must. It is absolutely golden. All the challenges are taking a backseat this season to the Wes/Kelly Ann/Johanna/Kenny drama.

Not that I don’t think it was a genius call for casting her, but MTV definitely has a evil, dirty side to them. How else do you explain casting Shauvon on a show with physical challenges? C’mon. You know she’s only on this show for two reasons: to spread her legs for any guy that’s willing, and to pop one of her implants. Like they actually thought she could last in this game? Please. Every girl on that show either has the body of a tri-athlete, is 100lbs, or has no athletic ability but is a little pin-up slut. Shauvon is neither of those. And by the third episode, she’s face planting into the water bursting her enormous teet. Good for her. She seems to have found her calling in life. Other than ordering 5ths at the buffet.

I’ll have more to comment on this series in the next column that goes up. Probably my favorite reality show currently going right now. I hope that series never ends. They should do challenges until all those people are 50. And at any point if they want to give Wes or Kenny their own show once they get married, be my guest. Just tell me the time and day and I’ll set my TiVo. Although, something tells me we would inevitably get the, “Wes goes to jail” episode during that series. Or Wes commits murder.

Other Random Tidbits:

-I thought the “Office” wedding episode was one of the better wedding episodes ever pulled off. Usually those episodes don’t live up to the hype whatsoever, but that one was really, really good. The rip off of the You Tube wedding was a classic and fit perfect with the show. Great stuff. I’d kinda been down recently on the “Office” but that episode restored my faith.

-Best new show of the season? “Modern Family” on ABC. Another half hour comedy done in the faux-documentary style, but its surprisingly good. Watching all the promos before the season, I didn’t expect much. But the writing on that show is very clever, and the weenie husband is hilarious. It’s funny to see Penny from “Lost” on “Flash Forward” this season, and now Jack Sheppard’s wife is on “Modern Family”. When is Hurley gonna make his appearance on “Private Practice”?

-”Flash Forward” is another good new show, however, I’m worried that its got about one good season in it, and then will completely go sideways. I mean, after April 29th, 2010, where does the show go from there? Everything this season is leading up to that date. Seems like anything after that will be anti-climatic. We’ll see. Good stuff so far though.

-Less than 2 weeks until the best drama on TV returns: “Friday Night Lights”, Wednesday, Oct. 28th on Channel 101 of DirecTV. If you don’t have it, go get it, or else you’re probably gonna be waiting til next summer to watch season 4. Even though characters are graduating and we’ll be seeing less and less of some of our favorites, the show has always been built around Coach Taylor and his wife. So with him at a new school, and her still working at Dillon, should get interesting this season.

-Lastly, I need to discuss Balloon Boy. Glad the kid is ok and all, but geez. What a circus that was. If you don’t follow me on Twitter (www.twitter.com/RealitySteve), my thoughts are this: Building balloon space crafts for fun and being storm chasers is not normal. So tell this father to stop getting offended that people are asking if this was a hoax. You like driving into the eye of storms while filming, you’ve already appeared on reality TV twice, and you named your kid Falcon for god sakes. How are we supposed to take you seriously?

-At least Falcon brought a little humor to the situation this morning when Meredith Vieria was trying to be serious, and the kid decided it was time to show everyone what he had for breakfast this morning. Awesome. The puking happens right around the 5:58 mark. I love the fact that NBC zooms in on the kid puking, then only after he gets sick a 2nd time do they realize, “Yeah, maybe we shouldn’t be showing this.” You stay classy, “Today” show. Here’s the video:

Ok, that’s all for this week. I’ll be back in the next couple weeks with more stuff, as well as a podcast with Eliza Orlins discussing “Survivor” and other things. Join me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter by scrolling over to the right hand column and clicking the respective link. Any questions, comments, praises, criticisms, feedback, or love for all that is Reality Steve, email me at steve@realitysteve.com. Until next time.

Administrator Reality Roundup, The Bachelor 14 - Jake

Not until the last few seasons have I gotten into the “spoiler” aspect of the “Bachelor/ette”. As I mentioned before, once the Jason/Molly/Melissa thing fell into my lap, people have been coming to me expecting to know everything. I know a lot of things, but I certainly don’t know everything. However this season, things are in place for me to know a little bit more than in past seasons. Just giving you a heads up. Like for instance, even though filming hasn’t started yet, I know that one of the early season dates will be at Sea World in San Diego. Lovely. Jake riding on the back of Shamu. Think that’ll bring him to tears? I wouldn’t be surprised if he asks someone to marry him right there. Basically what I’m saying is more information will be delivered as it becomes available to me. So yes, you will get my column every Tuesday morning starting January 5th with the usual snark and sarcasm, but will also be finding things out when I find them out.

Lets immediately get down to business, and that’s the fact that they haven’t even started filming yet, and already the lies have started. If I’m not mistaken, the meet and greets will start either tonight or Thursday night, but filming definitely starts this week. However, lets backtrack real quick to this whole announcement of Jake being named the “Bachelor”. A few weeks ago when Chris Harrison tweeted that “Kiptyn, Reid, and Jake were all finalists” and that the announcement would be made on Oct. 13th, don’t think for a second he didn’t already know who it was going to be. And then last week, Jake tried to throw all his Facebook friends off by posting this B.S.:

“Reid, Kiptyn and I are all being considered. I tend to lean towards Reid bc he had so much more TV time, which leads to more fans and higher rating. Sorry guys, its just a rumor.”

Uh, huh. Sure it is, Jake. Lets face it, the guy lied through his teeth. I understand he can’t go on there and say, “Hey, they chose me”, but why not just go the route of “I can’t say one way or another. Thanks for all the support”? If you honestly believe last week when Jake posted that he didn’t know he was the next “Bachelor”, then I don’t know what to tell you. He knew. And he’s already lying. Already doing what they’re telling him. Really creative of him to try and throw people off and lead them in Reid’s direction. Wow. How long did it take him to come up with that? Or did he even come up with it himself? I’m very curious this season to see how many things he says or does on his own, and how many are orchestrated by the powers that be who are controlling him like a puppet.

And if you think the lying just started, it didn’t. This all started back during Jillian’s season. Let me ask you this: Do any of you honestly believe that after Jillian eliminated Jake, he went home by himself, talked to no one, yet was so infuriated by what he thought was Wes having a girlfriend, that he decided on his own terms, and with the help from NO ONE, that he would try and come back on the show? Really? You do? Cool. I’ve got some land to sell you then. Jake was coerced/approached/nudged by the show, told to come back so they could continue the “Wes has a girlfriend” BS (which was never proven of course), and in return, was given a little nudge of, “Hey, you do this for us, we’ll definitely consider you for the Bachelor.” Problem is, they do that to a lot of the guys. They tell a lot of them, “Hey, do this or do that, and you can be the next Bachelor”. Of course, some guys do and some guys don’t. The bottom line is Jake was chosen because they know they can get him to do whatever they want. Why? Because its been his lifelong dream to be the “Bachelor”.

Has there ever been in a guy in “Bachelor” history that wanted to be the “Bachelor” worse than Jake Pavelka? The answer is no. You heard it straight from Wes’ mouth in one of the interviews I did with him a couple months ago. Jake specifically told him during filming last season that he wanted “America to fall in love with him so he could be the next Bachelor.” (Along with God telling him to come back and confront Jillian about Wes). Of course, plenty of you discredit anything Wes says because you believe the propaganda that the show put out last season, and that’s fine. Just know it’s true. More than one person can corroborate that story. Also, lets not forget this guy is an actor. He has an acting past. It’s not like he couldn’t pull it off. Remember the “Men Tell All” last season when they had a female from the audience (pre-planned of course) ask Jake, “Would you want to be the next ‘Bachelor’”? Remember how he went into his “Oh gosh golly darn gee” routine when answering? Complete B.S. The guy knew he wanted to be the “Bachelor”, lobbied to be the “Bachelor”, and got his wish. So I guess some credit goes to Jake for setting out to achieve a goal, and then getting it.

And holy sh**! “On the Wings of Love”????? That’s what they’re calling this season???? Even Tom Bergeron was chuckling under his breath when he had to announce that last night. What an embarrassment. This brings up quite a dilemma: What was the worst title for a “Bachelor” season? Andy Baldwin’s “An Officer and a Gentlemen”, or Jake Pavelka’s “On the Wings of Love?” Ummmmm, it’s a landslide. “On the Wings of Love” might be the stupidest f***ing thing this show has ever done, and that’s saying a whole hell of a lot. That’s an insult to Jeffrey Osborne. I can’t believe he signed off on that.

As I said last column, I don’t really care who they cast. I’m gonna write my column regardless. But I think this works out well since as boring and goody two-shoes as Jake is, I think this’ll be pure comedy. I’m counting the seconds til this season starts. This guy has already broken the record for most times a “Bachelor” has cried, and the season hasn’t even begun filming. That’s how awesome/awful it will be. It’s funny to hear the reaction from the Jake haters out there. Seriously? Who actually watches this show because of the “Bachelor” or “Bachelorette” they cast? Very few. You watch the show for the interaction with the Bachelor and the 25 bachelorettes. You watch the show for the cattiness and the fights and the drama. As many people as I hear say, “Oh my God, not Jake! So boring. I’m not watching this season”, I call BS. You’ll watch, just not because of him. Because you love a good train wreck just like everyone else. The show has been the EXACT SAME THING for 18 seasons, and you watched other seasons. What makes this any different? They had some real King Douchenozzles on past seasons and you were watching. So yeah, a couple people turn off their TVs. It’s not like this show is gonna go from 10 million viewers down to 5 million. Not gonna happen. It’s been on 18 seasons now. They know what they’re doing. You’re watching for the formula that the show has produced, not specifically for individual people. And that formula being the fairy tale ending, the cat fights, the drama, the romantic, over-the-top, never-happen-to-normal-couples dates, etc. So I just laugh when people tell me they’re not gonna watch because some person they don’t like was cast. Then why did you watch other seasons? They’re all the same. Every season. Same concept. You’re watching for the story, not the people.

Remember, just because you think Jake is boring and lame, doesn’t mean millions of other people do. Sure, plenty of you dislike Jake and wish Reid or Kiptyn or someone new would’ve been the “Bachelor”. And if Reid were picked, people would complain about him. And Kiptyn, same thing. And if they went with someone new, you’d be complaining why wasn’t it Reid, or Kiptyn, or Jake. The façade that is Jake Pavelka as the “Bachelor” was done for one reason and one reason only: He will do EXACTLY what they tell him to do. Hell, he already did by posting that bogus Facebook status last week when he knew damn well he was the “Bachelor”. I don’t think Reid and Kiptyn were interested in that.

This is a TV show. It’s fake. Nothing about it is real. So they are creating storylines and characters when they cast for this season. Jake fit their “casting” the best. If they were really trying to find true love for Jake, why were the 25 bachelorettes already chosen before they even decided on Jake? Because they don’t care about creating a love story. It’s a television show. If a marriage comes out of it, that’s just a bonus, but it’s certainly not the goal they set out for. They set out for drama. Drama=ratings, ratings=money. 18 seasons and 1 marriage. How could a show be on the air that long if it’s “goal” is to produce a marriage and they’ve done it once? Because people still keep watching, that’s how.

Lets make one thing clear: I don’t hate Jake. Hate is a pretty strong word. I don’t hate anybody. Well, maybe except Speidi. But just because I trash this show on a weekly basis and make fun of the things these people do and say, I don’t hate them. How can I hate someone I don’t even know? I think long time readers of this column (coming up on 8 years now) understand that distinction. However, there are the Johnny-come-latelys (basically everyone that found me after the Jason/Molly/Melissa fiasco), that still don’t quite get me. That’s fine. I’m not for everyone. I get that. But just don’t take everything I say about them so seriously. And I’m talking about when I joke around and poke fun. Some of you get waaaaaaaay too worked up over stuff I say when it’s all for fun and games. I don’t hate these people. Ed, Jillian, Jason, Molly, Jake, Chris Harrison, etc…I don’t know these people on a personal level, so for me to say I despise or hate them would be ridiculous. I don’t. I just tend to look at their behavior on television a little differently than most people and have a forum to express it. That’s all. In the grand scheme of things, they are about as inconsequential as anything. I’ve never understood people that get so worked up over this show and its contestants. Who cares? You’ll probably never meet these people in your life, so what’s the point of worrying about something they did on television? Get over it.

Since a few bachelors from Jillian’s season have been quite outspoken once their season ended, I wanted to see if I could get a reaction from them regarding Jake being announced as the next “Bachelor”. I contacted three people: Reid, Tanner, and Wes.

Reid’s response: “No comment”. Thanks Reid. Try not to be so wordy next time.

Wes told me, “Its no secret Jakes goal was to be the “Bachelor.” He got what he wanted. I wish him the best.” Translation: Don’t let God down. He told you he’ll be watching. Never want to disappoint the big guy.

As for Tanner, he had a field day. Here’s what he had to say:

“Jake as the next bachelor…Hooooray! That is if you like the non-sense of humor, cookie cutter, habitual, systematic, unexceptional type. Jake takes the suspense out of the Bachelor. It’s not going to be a guessing game, everyone will have super power knowledge of 100% predictability of what is to come each and every week w/ Jake. However, that is not my cup of tea. Jake fell hard and way fast for Jilly Bean and he fits right into the hands of what Fleiss and ABC want for this season of The Bachelor…A MARRIAGE!

I can already hear Harrision saying “For the first time in Bachelor history, we have chosen the most conventional, methodical, run-of-the-mill, goofy, and typical All American Boy, Jake. So tune in to find out who he chooses to join his mile high club on this season of “The Bachelor.”

C’mon Tanner. Tell us how you really feel.

I also asked Jeremy Anderson what he thought. His response: “Oh boy”, an obvious mimic of Jake’s favorite catch phrase.

So in closing, I just wanted to say to ABC: Your show is a joke, your new “Bachelor” is a joke, no one should believe a single thing that happens this season is real, and I cannot wait until January 4th to watch this unmitigated disaster of a show begin so I can completely annihilate the farce that it is.

T-minus 82 days and counting. Game on!

I will return Friday with a “Reality Roundup” and other things. Gotta talk about the “Hills”, the “City”, “DWTS”, “Survivor”, the “Ruins”, “Leave it to Lamas”, and a few other tidbits. Any questions, comments, emails, criticisms, praises, email me at steve@realitysteve.com. See you Friday.

Administrator The Bachelor 14 - Jake

It’s been a while, I know. Just decided to take some time off for no other reason than I felt like it. Not many summer shows I was watching anyway, and nothing really happening on the “Bachelor” front considering the season doesn’t start until Jan. 4th and they haven’t even begun taping yet, so I didn’t think there was much to write about. Now that we’re back in the swing of things, seems like a good time to start writing again. No idea how often, but I did have some things to get off my chest regarding numerous topics, so here we go.

The Bachelor

-Shocking that people have been beating down my door ever since it was announced that on the live results show of “Dancing with the Stars” on Oct. 13th, ABC will announce who the next bachelor is. Sure, the rumors have been flying around ever since Jillian’s season, but that’s all they’ve been. Rumors. The only people who know for sure who it will be are Chris Harrison, Mike Fleiss, and the powers that be at ABC and Next Entertainment. Anyone else who tells you they know for sure is lying. I’m not gonna sit here and tell you I know for sure who it’s going to be. But I will tell you what all indications are pointing to and that I’d be surprised if it wasn’t this person.

-Before we get to that, lets discuss the candidates. Reid, Kiptyn, and Jake are the three guys from last season being considered, as well as people from the outside. I can almost guarantee you right here that it will NOT be someone from the outside. I do believe they are going the recycled route. Which makes sense, and I have no problem with that. You have to understand it from ABC’s perspective. Regardless of if its Reid, Kiptyn, or Jake, each one of them already has a built in audience. Just because you might hate Reid, doesn’t mean tons of women wouldn’t want to see him as the “Bachelor”. Same goes for the other two. Each of them brings their own positives and negatives to the table. So regardless of who they choose, as in any season when they bring in a recycled person, there will be fans, and there will be haters. Simple as that.

-From the numerous sources I’ve been in contact with and regardless of what some bogus website put out three months ago, I don’t believe Kiptyn is the guy. All indications are the guy doesn’t want to do it. His reasons? Hell if I know, but I just don’t think he’s into it. Which leaves Reid vs Jake. I said months ago (I believe on Twitter), that there was no chance Jake would be the next Bachelor. That was strict personal opinion probably because I thought the guy was way too cheesy and too corny to carry a show. Well, looks like I was wrong. All indications are that Jake is all set to be the next Bachelor. Could I be wrong? Sure. But would I be surprised if he’s not the next Bachelor? Yes, I would be. Does Jake know he’s the next Bachelor? Possibly. I honestly think ABC keeps these guys in limbo so that it doesn’t officially get out. So sure, until ABC officially announces it, they have the right to change their mind up until the last second. But I believe come October 13th, we’ll be seeing Jake Pavelka announced as our next Bachelor. I’ve been wrong before, and I’m sure I’ll be wrong in the future, but I’d be surprised if it wasn’t him after everything I’ve heard.

-Look, I honestly don’t care who they cast as the “Bachelor”. I have no vested interest in the show other than writing and making fun of it. And honestly, of those three guys, I think Jake gives me the most material to work with. The sole reason why I personally didn’t think he’d be the next bachelor (too cheesy and corny), are probably two of the reason why he will be. The guy is a lay down. Look, he told Wes to his face (and you heard it in the Wes interview), that he was on the show because “he wanted America to fall in love with him so he could be the next bachelor”. So he will do anything those producers tell him to do, and I just don’t think Kiptyn and Reid were willing to go that route. Jake will be putty in ABC’s hands. The guy wants it so bad that he’s willing do whatever they tell him. Don’t fall for the, “Oh gosh golly darn gee” routine that he layed on thick last season. The guy had a plan from the get go, and it looks like it’s gonna pan out for him. Good. Can’t wait to have millions of laughs at his expense.

-On a final note, Chris Harrison tweeted over the weekend that he was here in Dallas (hmmm, maybe a couple pre-show pep talks with Jake?) and attended some event at Stonebriar Country Club. Huh? What? My boy Harrison was in town and didn’t bother to hit me up? Especially since he was at the club I eat lunch at least two or three times a week? I’m disappointed in you Chris. I could’ve showed you around. Oh well. Maybe next time. You hurt my feelings. How dare you walk the grounds at Stonebriar and not tell me about it. I’m a two minute car ride from there.

-As for the rumored “Bachelor: All Stars” show, I’ll believe that when I see it. No one has yet to report what exactly this show is. Is it going to be just like the show, only with ALL recycled contestants? Is it going to be like “Big Brother” where it’s just a bunch of former contestants living in a house for a month and we get to see the drama? Or is it going to be like “RW/RR Challenge” type stuff with all former contestants? The fact that nobody has reported what kind of show this is going to be makes me think it’s not going to happen. I’ve always thought that a “RW/RR Challenge” type show with all former “Bachelor/ette” contestants could be interesting since half of them have already hooked up with each other. Throw about 20 of them in a house and I guarantee they’ll be sex, lying, and cat fights. That could be interesting. But hey, whoever is putting the show together, you have to make sure Jesse Csincsak is a part of it. He might throw a hissy fit if he’s not.

Dancing With the Stars

-A lot of little things hit on regarding this season. Really no need to sit and dissect every single couple and how they’ve done so far. The three couples eliminated already I have no problem with. Kathy Ireland just wasn’t very good. Same with Ashley Hamilton. And Macy Gray just didn’t seem like she wanted to be there. Good riddance you three. See you at the finale. Some other thoughts to ponder while watching the show:

-So how long before Derek and Joanna are hittin it, if they aren’t already? With Shannon Elizabeth no longer in the picture, I’m sure it’s only a matter of time. Sex seems to run rampant on this show. Speaking of that….

-Real shocking to hear Maksim and Karina broke off their engagement. Not. Gee, she dates Mario Lopez, they break up, and six months later her and Maksim are engaged? Didn’t I say back then they’ll never walk down the aisle? Maksim and Karina should probably be put in as many duets as possible on the results show this season just so we can deal with the awkwardness.

-And I’m sure Maksim constantly kissing and rubbing Debi Mazar is done on purpose to piss Karina off. By far, Maksim is the most touchy feely of all the male dancers. Which I find odd this season since he’s dancing with a tranny who has an awful lisp. God, I’d be telling her to shut up all the time too.

-On the other side, reporters are already asking Aaron Carter if he’s gonna start getting in Karina’s pants since she has a penchant for spreading her legs for her dancers. He’s says no, but not because he doesn’t think she’s hot. It’s because he wants to see Chelsie Hightower naked. He’s already openly admitted he wants her and has made it known to her already. They’ll be dating before the end of this season. Guaranteed.

-Aaron went on an LA radio show on Monday and guaranteed he and Karina will win. Also says Donnie Osmond and Mya will be in the finals with them. Uhhhh, ok Aaron. Whatever you say. You’re a douche and considering the audience ultimately has the final say in who wins this thing, since by the end of the season, all the scores are within a couple points of each other, you’re probably not winning over too many fans with that statement. Stick to hitting on Chelsie and keep the predictions to yourself.

-How come Carrie Ann and Len are able to give their comments while sitting down, yet Bruno is constantly standing up, pointing, gyrating, and screaming his critiques? Oh yeah. Forgot. He’s a nutball. After nine seasons though, I still haven’t decided if I find him wildly entertaining, or a complete nuisance. I guess each show that has a judging panel needs the eccentric whack job in there.

-Since I’m not a professional dancer, I guess this is why I don’t understand this. But you know what I find most amazing about the female dancers? It’s how they perform a whole routine with spins, jumps, twists, twirls, turns, and runs and they do it all in heels. I thought it was painful to just walk in heels, let alone dance in them. So kudos to all female professional dancers. As for the guys, they only get credit for dancing in tight pants that cut off circulation to their boys.

Survivor

-Russell is TV gold. Coming off a season with a guy like Coach, you needed a character that everyone will be talking about long after the season ends. Well, we sure got one with Russell. What a piece of work this guy is. For those that don’t know, both seasons 19 and 20 were filmed back-to-back over the summer in Samoa. Season 20 which will begin airing in February, is a “Heroes vs Villains” concept with all former contestants. Russell basically stayed behind and filmed that season as well, so get used to seeing him on your television. The cast for “Heroes vs Villains” hasn’t been released yet, but I’m guessing it probably won’t be too hard to figure out some of the people who will be on it. I’m sure Coach, Tyson, and Sierra from “Tocantins” will be on it. Ace, Sugar, Corinne, and Randy from “Gabon”. Depends how far they are going back. Maybe they’ll go the James, Parvati, Ozzy, Amanda route again. Not sure. It’ll get out soon enough since the season is already done filming.

The Hills

-Yes, it’s only been one episode, but already this season in infinitely more interesting than the last three combined and that’s all because of Kristin Cavallari. Sure, most of you probably liked Lauren and hell of a lot more, but lets face it. Her life on the show was boring. Nothing ever happened with her, yet she pocketed over $100k an episode. Must be nice. Anyway, the reason I like Kristin back on the show so much? Because she doesn’t care about throwing the show under the bus and admitting it’s all fake. Here, read this and tell me if you actually think that any one millisecond on that show is what really happens in these peoples lives.

“The Hills: New Star Kristin Cavallari is Ready to put on a Show”

Awesome. She’s already my favorite person on the cast, and it has nothing to do with her being hot now. Never really cared for her on “Laguna Beach”, but I must say, she’s looking a lot better these days. Call her a man whore, call her a piranha, call her a skank, whatever. She’s acting for the show. She does what they tell her to do. Kinda like Jake will this season. So I don’t put much stock into her character on the show. Where can I buy my “Team Kristin” shirt.

-I thought Spencer legally changed his name to King Spencer? Why isn’t anyone on the show referring to him as such? Oh that’s right, because he’s a full on douchenozzle. Anything that Spencer and Heidi do for attention we should all just laugh at. It’s funny how all the tabloids make fun of them and constantly mention how annoying and unimportant they are, yet they sit there and cover their every move. Kind of hypocritical if you ask me. Just let anything they say or do go in one ear and out the other, and eventually they’ll go away.

-When we get the episodes this season of Holly Montag hitting the bottle, there better be an intervention episode that includes Sanjaya. I need that guy to come to the rescue for his “friend” Holly. The more Sanjaya the better. Did I just say that?

-So Audrina is gonna leave the “Hills” for her own reality show produced by Mark Burnett? Why do I have a feeling that’ll never hit the air? I’m still in utter amazement that a genius like Burnett would associate himself with a dingbat like her. What possibly could be interesting in Audrina’s life to have cameras following her around every day? Unless they’re going to show her failing on audition calls and her late night booty calls with some L.A. bad boy, then I don’t want to see it.

Other Random Tidbits

-For some reason, music has been on my mind a lot recently. Usually when I’m in my car, I’m listening to sports talk radio, but recently there have been a few music issues that I must address. First off, Boyz II Men has released a cover of Journey’s “Open Arms”. As some of you may know since I’ve mentioned it in the past, it’s by far my favorite slow song of all time. And surprisingly enough, Boyz II Men didn’t butcher it. Of course, it’s not the original, but it’s also not half bad either. Who would’ve thought the guys dancing in sweater vests to “Motown Philly” would still be relevant 20 years later?

-You know that one song every time it comes on the radio, you find it stuck in your head the rest of the day? Almost to the point of where if it doesn’t leave your head, you feel like taking a hammer to your skull to knock it out of there? I’ve come across that song recently. It’s Miley Cyrus’ “Party in the USA”. Holy crap. I fall asleep now with “And the Britney song was on, and the Britney song was on, Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…it’s a party in the USA” running through my head. Someone please stop it now.

-Granted, what Kanye did to Taylor Swift at the VMA’s was totally uncalled for, but geez, that’s like the 10th most annoying thing he’s done in his career. That whole ordeal was completely overblown. Look people, it’s not like she won an Oscar for Best Actress in a Drama in her first nomination ever. It was a stupid, media created awards show that’s done all for fun. I mean, c’mon. Was she really backstage crying and so upset because someone upstaged her VMA award? Please. Kanye’s an egotistical ass, and always will be. Let’s not act like the guy flashed his junk to all of America. He grabbed the mic and said Beyonce makes great videos during a stupid, 3rd rate awards show. Lets calm down. It’s ok Taylor. Go back to making teenie bopper love songs and win one next year. “Marry me Juliet, you’ll never have to be alone…”

-Maybe because I’m a guy I’m not supposed to understand this, but what is the worlds fascination with vampire stories now? The whole “Twilight” thing, then “True Blood” on HBO, now the “Vampire Diaries” on the CW. This is a chick thing, right? No guys are invested in this crap are they? This is strictly for hopeless romantics that like ogling over that pale, underweight, looks-like-he-hasn’t-slept-in-a-week Robert Pattinson, right? I just don’t get it. No, I haven’t read any of the “Twilight” books, nor watched five seconds of “True Blood” or “Vampire Diaries”. And I don’t plan to. It just seems like Hollywood is bleeding this vampire craze dry right now. Maybe that’s a good thing since it’ll get old real fast. Just assure me that, as a male, I’m really not missing out on anything here. Something tells me all this vampire craze is aimed towards females between the ages of 15 and 17. Ha ha.

-Within the last two months, I was about to go out with a girl until I looked at her Facebook page, and her status said “In a Relationship”. When I asked her why she had agreed to go out with me even though her page said that, her response was: “Well, I’ve been talking to this guy every day for the last few weeks that my friend set me up with. He lives out of state and I haven’t met him yet, but he’s coming in town in a couple weeks and I really think we’ll end up being a couple. I felt he’d get mad if I didn’t put that as my status.” Oh boy. Easily one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard come out of girls mouth in my lifetime.

-And finally, I want to send all my love to Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian on their recent nuptials. I hope you enjoy the many long minutes together before you ultimately decide to end this farce of a relationship. Just don’t screw up the Lakers this season, Lamar. You realize the minute you start playing like crap, everyone will be blaming Chyna. I hope you’re ready to defend him because it’s definitely coming.

Any questions, comments, emails, criticisms, praises, email me at steve@realitysteve.com. Next column will appear probably after the official announcement of the “Bachelor” on October 13th. Until then.

Administrator Reality Roundup, The Bachelor 14 - Jake