Reality Steve

More Interviews Coming and Some Jeremy Reaction

-Wanted to update everyone on a couple things happening on the site. Within the next week, we should have two new interviews up. One is Bachelor/ette related, and the other is from a completely different reality show that I’ve rarely talked about on this site but I’ve watched every season of. I’ve been in contact with Brad Womack and he is 100% confirmed for the interview. However, he just recently underwent a minor surgery and he’s laid up the rest of the week, but he says next week he’s in. As for the other interview, I’d rather not jinx it. I’m guessing most of you won’t even care about this person, but I do since this show has always been one of my favorites and it’s something I’ve been into since I was a little kid. If you can go back and find a mention of it in a previous column, you’ll probably guess who it is. All I’ll say is that its a female. I’ve gotten in touch with her management company and just waiting to lock down a time.

-As for Jeremy, he and I played golf this week and let me clarify a few things that some people may have misconstrued during the interview:

-No, Jeremy did not sleep with DeAnna. I know he said, “Even if I did, that’s something between DeAnna and I”, trust me, he didn’t. So enough of that.

-Some of you are questioning if he didn’t see any of the episodes how can he comment on things he said and saw. Jeremy saw a few of the episodes in full, and had a lot of other ones that people told him about things that were shown. No, he did not sit down and watch every show, study the screencaps, take notes, and run to message boards like most viewers do. If he wasn’t busy, he watched them, but wasn’t too thrilled on re-living the whole experience. As you could tell, he was definitely hurt by what happened, so if he came across it, he’d watch it. If he didn’t, he had friends and family telling him what they saw.

-As of Wednesday, August 13th, despite rumors that Jason has already been picked to be the next Bachelor, I can confirm that nothing has been decided just yet. Could happen fairly soon though since I’m told they want to start filming in October with a late January start date.

-Let’s always keep in mind that the “Bachelor/ette” is an entertainment show first, and a love story second. Or third. When I read things like “How did he not see the connection between Jesse and DeAnna”, and “The way she looked at Jesse was different than how she looked at any of the other guys”, I just have to chuckle.

-Chef-Boy-Ar-Robert was actually the first guy in the house to call Jeremy out. I believe he called Jeremy a douchebag. Robert had a pretty high opinion of himself at the house in case you couldn’t tell, and well, he still does.

-There are plenty of you that are Jason fans and will scream from the mountaintops that Jason should be the next Bachelor. Which is fine. I’m not saying I’d be against it at all. Hell, I don’t think Jeremy would be against it considering how good of friends they’ve become. I understand there will always be pro-Jason fans and pro-Jeremy fans. I think the interview definitely showed a different side that maybe didn’t come across on the show. That was the purpose of the interview and maybe getting to hear about some things that you might not have known about before. Some of you want to hear Jason’s side of things. I’ll definitely see if I can make that happen. Wouldn’t mind interviewing him at all.

-All in all, the interview came off really well, I’d say 90% of the reaction has been positive, and Jeremy has also heard good things on his end. I have a feeling that won’t be the last time you’ll be hearing Jeremy on Realitysteve.com. Even if he isn’t the next Bachelor, I’m guessing we can have him on to comment every once in a while on the next season, whether it be Jason or someone else.

-If you still would like to see Jeremy as the next Bachelor, you can:

1) Call and leave a message at 866-739-3150
2) Email kellicastingthebachelor@yahoo.com and tell her why Jeremy would make the best choice

-And last but not least, I shot a 91. Jeremy? I think he was a tad higher than that.

Keep checking the site for the latest news and interviews. Until next time….

38 comments August 13th, 2008

The Bachelorette Finale Recap - 7/7/08

-For those of you that are familiar with the column, you know I don’t do a regular recap of the finale. It’s more a summary of what we saw throughout the course of the season and comments about the end result and eventual failed relationship we’ll be hearing about soon enough. I expect nothing different this season. This season has definitely been a bit different than past seasons in that, I’ve never heard so many rumors about the finale, what’s true and what isn’t, and how many different scenarios we’ve heard of what really went down. Here’s what I know. I was told over a month ago that the final four were Jeremy, Jason, Jesse, and Graham. I was also told with 100% certainty that Graham went home after the hometown dates, and Jeremy after the overnight dates. I was then told that Jason was DeAnna’s final pick, but that’s wasn’t 100% confirmed. Although, after hearing it was him, I watched the rest of the show thinking it was him in my head and wrote accordingly. I didn’t really understand why she’d pick him since logisitically, it didn’t make any sense for her - someone who constantly reiterated how important being close to family was yet picking a guy with a 3 year old who lived in Seattle. So I always was skeptical in the back of my mind why she’d pick him. I didn’t care either way, I just didn’t think it made much sense.

-I do believe ABC went out of their way this year, more so than in others, to lean the editing heavily one way. Based on how each of them was edited, they really wanted to make everyone think Jason was getting picked. I mean, Jesse didn’t kiss her til the hometown dates, the guy admitted to his dad he wasn’t ready to get married in two weeks, and now we’re supposed to believe they’re madly in love, engaged, and ready to get married next year? Then last night, we see that he’s nervous around the family, the family is totally sold on Jason before Jesse, on and on and on it went about how Jesse isn’t her type, and Jesse isn’t someone the family really saw her with, yada yada yada. They laid it on pretty thick that it was gonna be Jason and as the show was going on last night, it became more and more obvious it was Jesse for the sole reason they’d never give it away that easily.

-Some of you may have heard the numerous rumors being thrown out there about this season. There are tons of them, and I was going to write them all out and you could pick and choose which ones you believe and which ones you don’t, but honestly, I don’t even care at this point. Let me tell you something: Do you realize how easy it is to start a rumor on a message board? All you have to do is sign on under a lame screen name, have the title of your thread be “I KNOW WHO SHE PICKS….”, then in your post, talk about how you know someone very close to someone on the show, and make up a whole bunch of stuff that sounds like it could be legit. People will start believing you, trust me. So it does get kinda difficult knowing who’s telling the truth and who isn’t. If you go to certain boards right now and look back at past posts, there are people that will swear up and down that DeAnna picked Jason. And there are those who swear she picked Jesse. Well obviously, only one of them is right. I just don’t know why people feel the need to run to message boards to post things. Anything I hear, I tell my friends that are interested in the show. I don’t need to run to a message board to convince a bunch of people I don’t know. I don’t get it.

-I hope people who heard their was a “surprise” in the finale could see that it was Jeremy returning. First off, ABC’s press release last week promoting the 2 hour finale and “After the Final Rose” show stated that a “rejected Bachelor returns to make DeAnna’s decision more difficult”. Well, if Jeremy got eliminated in the Grand Bahamas, and the Final Rose Ceremony was taking place in the Grand Bahamas, and when you reach the final three, the guy who gets eliminated (in this case Jeremy), doesn’t get to go home until they’re done filming, well then of course it was gonna be Jeremy. They probably needed time to kill and told him, “Hey, go tell her she’s making a mistake and to take you back - we’re short about 10 minutes of film”. So needless to say, there was zero suspense when Jeremy returned and pleaded his case to take him back. Ummmmm, we saw Jason and Jesse at the Final Rose Ceremony in the previews last week. How is what Jeremy says going to have any effect on that? Dumb. I thought it made Jeremy look worse. Of course, one of the rumors floating around is Jeremy was tricked into doing that. Wouldn’t put it past them. Wouldn’t be the first time and most certainly wouldn’t be the last. And apparently Jeremy isn’t that distraught over DeAnna since other rumors have him canoodling with Chelsea in recent weeks. I guess that whole “lean-against-a-tree-get-down-on-my-knee-and-cry” deal over DeAnna has kinda passed, don’t ya think?

-One thing I found interesting about the finale was the gift that each guy got for DeAnna. Jesse went with the standard “book of pictures”. Hasn’t every guy made that for a girl at some point in his life? I know I have. Although, when I gave it to her, I didn’t sit there and read it to her like she was a 3rd grader. Sorry. I thought Jesse’s gift was boring and unoriginal. However, I actually thought Jason’s gift was kinda neat. Call me cheesy, but at least some thought went into it. It was creative, he actually took more than 5 minutes to make it, and it seemed genuine. I give him points for that. I usually always feel sorry for the final person who gets dumped on this show (well, except for DeAnna), and it was no different last night with Jason. He actually seems like a good guy. I still don’t know why he’d choose to leave his son for 6 weeks to go on a reality dating show, but whatever. I think most people, whether they were a fan of Jason or not, had to feel sorry for the guy last night. That was brutal. Letting him get down on one knee about to propose and then telling him no? Ouch. DeAnna said “everything happened so fast”, well, what we saw was he got up to the podium, and before anyone spoke, within five seconds he was on his knee. Is there a reason DeAnna didn’t start speaking right away and lay it all out there? Maybe she didn’t know he was about to kneel down, but then again, he wouldn’t have kneeled down if you’d already told him you weren’t in love with him.

-And didn’t you find it a little bit strange that Jason asked DeAnna’s dad for her hand in marriage the first time he met them, Jesse didn’t, and DeAnna’s family made a big deal out of that fact? Then what happened? The very next time he saw them Jesse asked. Something tells me Jesse had no intention of ever asking her father for permission, probably because he didn’t know any better, but he was told, “Hey, ummmm, buddy, if you want to propose to this chick, you might want to ask her father first. Kinda the right thing to do.” I just found that all too convenient that he didn’t do it at first, there was a big discussion about it, and Walla!, he does it in the next scene. Remember, the show has a story to tell. I’m guessing that was part of it. All a little too convenient for me.

-The “ATFR” show was interesting because, well, it was taped last Tuesday. Outside of family, everyone in the audience was a paid attendee that was sworn to secrecy. But obviously, it’s impossible that every single person who attended would keep their mouth shut. So that’s how things get leaked and that’s how on Wednesday, the original information I had of her picking Jason changed to Jesse. Kinda hard to dispute someone who attended the taping and I no reason not to believe what they were telling me. But there’s always that 1% in the back of my mind that thought they could’ve been making it up. So yeah, any speculation up until the taping of the “ATFR” was just that - speculation. But after that show was taped last Tuesday, that obviously had the outcome open to the public, no matter how hard they tried to keep it in.

-I didn’t understand Host Chris telling DeAnna and Jesse’s family last night, “This is the first time you’ve known your children are engaged”. Huh? First off, DeAnna said last week on the “Men Tell All” she was happy and engaged. I’m sure they watched that. And secondly, if they’re flying Jesse’s family out there for the show, wouldn’t that be kind of a hint? I guess technically they could’ve flown his AND Jason’s family out, and they had to watch the finale there to see which of their sons got picked, but since they never showed us a shot of Jason’s disappointed family, or elated family if you want to look at it another way, then I just assumed Jesse’s family was the only one there and they obviously knew beforehand. Please. DeAnna even said last week in an interview that her and her “fiance” talked all the time, and were able to meet up a few times in private for weekends together. Would Jesse’s parents really be that naive to think that he wasn’t going to see DeAnna? C’mon. They knew. As probably did most of his friends.

-Matt and Shayne are still together. Yawn. If any of you think that those two are ever walking down the aisle together, you’re nuts. No way is that happening. I think I’ve already explained myself on this one numerous times so no need to again, but just don’t ever get your hopes up for those two. They just seemed like a couple who met a couple weeks ago. Nothing about those two’s appearance last night made me think they were interested in getting married. Maybe it was the fact that he’s a skinhead now. Or that Shayne had on another god awful outfit. Or that they weren’t mounting each other the whole time like DeAnna and Jesse (more on that in a second). Not counting Shayne and Matt and DeAnna and Jesse, this show is 1-for-14 in producing a married couple. I think I’ll stick with the odds on this one and say it’s not going to happen. Andrew Firestone got married this weekend. Just not to Jen Scheft. He married the chick he met at the Playboy mansion who likes flashing her cans in movies. Her career is goin’ places. So congrats to those two. I’m sure they’re destined for a life of happiness til the end of time. Well, at least until he finds himself another Playboy bunny.

-My final analysis on Jesse and DeAnna, or as we should now call her, DeAnna Marie Csincsak. Enjoy that last name. For those that are thinking, “Wow. They really seemed to be in love last night”, let’s not forget, EVERY couple that’s ever appeared on the “After the Final Rose” show has looked happy and in love. And none of them have worked out. Because it’s the “Bachelorette”, and because I do think the women on this show take it a little more seriously than the guys, I think Jesse and DeAnna might last a little longer than our normal couples do. But not much. I still don’t think these two will get married, have three kids by the time she’s 30, and stay married “forever”, like both of them are claiming. It’s not me being cynical, it’s me being realistic. Unless ABC decides to televise their wedding like Trista and Ryan (which is a definite possibility), then they’ll go through with it - and then get divorced within a few years. The more they kept telling each other how much in love they were over and over and over again and kissing for the cameras makes me think it’s all that much more fake. It was like they were trying to prove a point to us. Really? Do you really need to show us every four seconds that you guys like each other? Thought that was totally unnecessary and over-the-top. Definitely seemed like they were trying to convince America right then and there, “See, we’re affectionate and tell each other ‘I love you’ so much, it’s destined we’ll be together forever.” Ok. You keep convincing yourselves of that. I’ll just continue to be skeptical. My approach with these two is no different than in any of the previous 15 seasons, and that is: I’ll believe it when I see it. They can say how happy and in love they are now, but wait until they begin to have a normal relationship and the cameras are off. Then we’ll see if they’re telling each other “I love you” every 1.9 seconds. God that was nauseating. Anyway, raise a glass to the new Mr. and Mrs. Jesse and DeAnna Csincsak. For now, at least.

UPDATE: I figured I’d mention this since many of you have emailed this since last night. One of the main rumors going around about this season is that DeAnna actually chose Jason, changed her mind, and the Final Rose Ceremony had to be re-shot. Now, even for a show as low as this, that seems like something awfully ridiculous to do. But then I started getting emails in the last 24 hrs telling me to go back and watch when DeAnna rejects Jason. The flowers in the background were changing colors scene by scene. And not because of camera angles, but because they were literally different colors and different bouquets. Here’s what I noticed, and you will too if you go back and watch:

What does this all mean? Maybe nothing. They do re-shoots in reality shows all the time. Maybe the microphone didn’t pick up certain sentences, maybe the wind blew DeAnna’s hair in her face, which is all possible. My only question is, why would the background flowers need changing unless it was shot on a completely different day? A re-shoot done an hour later, two hours later, 10 hours later, whatever, would still have the same set. What would be the point of changing out the flowers unless it was done on a different day? Maybe we’ll someday get an answer to this, maybe we won’t. You make your own judgment. I just figured I would present you with some evidence which may suggest what you’re seeing isn’t what’s really happening. Yet again.

-Keep checking back to the site periodically for updates, “Reality Roundups”, and “Dr. Reality Steve’s”. I promise, they’re coming. Probably gonna take a week or two off, but I’ll be back soon. Any questions, comments, queries, praises, criticisms, marriage/sex/love/relationship issues you have, feel free to email me at steve@realitysteve.com. Until next time…..

The Bachelorette Links

66 comments July 8th, 2008

The Bachelorette Recap - 6/30/08

-Ok, I’m a little confused as to what’s coming up with the “The Bachelorette” in the coming weeks. As we know, next week is the 2 hour finale, followed by an “After the Final Rose” show with Deanna, Jason and Jesse, and an nice update as to what Matt and Shayne have been up to since their season ended. My guess? A whole lot of nothing. Other than him moving out of her LA condo. However, a recent press release showed that on Monday night, July 14th, ABC will air something called “The Bachelorette: Engagement Party”. I have no idea what this is. I mean, I can probably guess that it’ll be a party celebrating DeAnna and whatever “J” she choses engagement. Probably filled with a lot of fluff and nonsense about an engagement that probably won’t lead to a wedding. Why are they gonna have an “After the Final Rose” show next week, followed by an “Engagement Party” episode the following week? And I highly doubt its an “Engagement Party” for Matt and Shayne considering the show is called “The Bachelorette: Engagement Party”.

-Even with two shows tonight, this recap will mainly cover the first hour since nothing too great happened in the “Men Tell All” episode. Well, except for when DeAnna turned into megab**ch, made the show all about her, and royally pissed off Graham and Jeremy to the point where they seem annoyed. More on that later. Anyway, this week started out with DeAnna completely, 100%, nonstop gushing about……no, not Brad….but Graham. “It was hard to let Graham go. I was falling in love with Graham. But Graham was a Brad. He couldn’t fully give me what I wanted. Graham was the one I thought would be the final one standing at the end. Now everything’s up in the air at this point…..because of Graham.” Gulp. Uhhhh, where do I begin? Other than the fact that she completely just made Jesse, Jason, and Jeremy lose their hard ons, I’ll ask this again: How could you be happy to hear that if you’re Jason or Jesse sitting sitting at home watching that? It’s like, she was so confident it was going to be Graham in the end, but then when she realized Graham wasn’t all about DeAnna, she dumped him. Which I’m fine with if that’s the way she felt. But I’m supposed to believe from that moment on, she immediately fell in love with Jason or Jesse? Please. Ain’t happening. She’s in love with the fact that she got proposed to, and she was proposed to because she basically told each guy in so many words, “If I’m keeping you around, you bet your sweet ass I’m expecting an engagement in the end.” So before everyone gets all sappy towards next week, if this show has taught us one thing, it’s this: Just because they’re engaged, doesn’t mean they’re going to get married.

-The overnight dates are set in the Grand Bahamas and Jeremy is up first. Or as she likes to call him, “The most perfect human being to ever walk the face of this earth.” Or something like that. Immediately she starts in on the date with her love for Graham. “I’m gonna do my best to put Graham behind me.” You do that, DeAnna. You know, considering he’s not around anymore since you sent him home. Might be a good idea to start concentrating one which one of these three you’re going to force a proposal out of. “My last two dates with Jeremy have been serious. I want to just enjoy my time with him. He’s perfect. I can totally see myself with him. And it doesn’t hurt that he’s beautiful.” Well, at least she said that to the camera. Ladies, never tell a guy he’s beautiful. You might think it’s a compliment, but we certainly don’t take it that way. The sunset overlooking the ocean is beautiful. A helicopter ride over a city is beautiful. Maddie is beautiful. Guys aren’t. We feel very emasculated when called beautiful so, ummmmm, stop it.

-So these two jet ski around the Bahamas then end up in the sand scissoring each other and not talking. Jeremy can’t think of anything so he says the first thing that pops into his head. “Ummmm, tell me something about you that I don’t know.” DeAnna: “I don’t know.” These two are really going somewhere. Very enlightening conversation. Of course, DeAnna then somehow manages to bring Graham back into the conversation when she tells us, “Graham’s gone, and now Jeremy’s not opening up.” You know what? Maybe he just doesn’t feel like it today. I mean, for christ sakes, the guy read you his journal from the day after his mother died on your last date. Does he constantly have to shower you with how much he’s into you in every waking second you’re with him? Maybe he woke up on the wrong side of the bed that day. Maybe he found out he’s now at 4% body fat instead of 3%. Maybe he ran out of hair product. Could be a lot of things. Don’t crucify the guy because he isn’t breaking out a laundry list of the all the qualities he loves about you and reading them one at a time. It’s ok that you guys just sit on the beach and chill. Save the talking for later. I’m with Jeremy on this one. Right here, bro. You and me. We’re boys. Let’s go have a drink at Suite together next weekend. On me. I’m kidding. I don’t think I’d be caught dead there.

-So they get to dinner and the riveting conversation continues. This was classic.

Jeremy: “Are you nervous?”
DeAnna: “Not at all. Are you nervous?”
Jeremy: “No.”
DeAnna: “Well, you’re not really being yourself.”
Jeremy: “So you think I’m not being myself, huh?”

Fascinating stuff, guys. Just fascinating. I’m guessing maybe it was at this point that DeAnna started thinking Jeremy wasn’t so perfect after all. The only thing he seemed to be perfect at was not talking. So as he feels this thing slipping away from him, he drops this one on her. “I would tell you that I’m falling in love with you, but it’s already happened.” Oh boy. That had to sting a little bit. Especially considering Jeremy doesn’t open up like that to anyone. You know how I know this? Because he’s mentioned it 682 times already. The guy who doesn’t open to anybody, just decided that, ON NATIONAL TELEVISION, he’d read his journal about his dead mother and then the following week, tell the same chick that he’s in love with her after knowing her for five weeks. That makes sense. I love how fake this show is.

-So DeAnna tells Jeremy next that she has a surprise for him. If Jeremy’s never seen an episode of this show, then yes, this is a surprise. I’m guessing he has, and when she handed him the card, he got a boner. He starts reading it. Hey, it’s from Host Chris. Seems like we haven’t heard or seen this guy in weeks. So how goes it, Chris? “Jeremy and DeAnna….Hope you are enjoying your stay in Barbados. Here’s the key to the room to go have hot monkey sex. We’ll make sure we turn the cameras off. Don’t make too much noise and wake other hotel guests.” I think that’s what it said. I forgot to write it down this time. Anyway, the minute Jeremy read the last word from the card, he was practically dragging her upstairs and taking off her clothes. At least that’s the way I interpreted it. They made out on the bed, he closed the door, and I’m guessing they made babies. Am I supposed to honestly believe that when the doors close on these overnight dates, these two sit in there and talk? Watch TV? Play footsies? Please.

-Next overnight date is with Jason. Jason is very excited because now DeAnna will see a different side of him. Everything’s kinda all focused around Ty thus far, so now he gets to let his guard down and show DeAnna his fun side. That is, until the first five seconds of the date when she asks him, “So did you tell Ty where you were going?” Why is that important? Is Ty going to have an opinion on this? “Dad, I really don’t need you going to Barbados. I heard its rainy season and I wouldn’t want you dealing with potential thunderstorms when you’re supposed to be finding out if this is gonna be my new mommy.” What DeAnna should have asked Jason right away was, “Hey, did Ty think my blue golf ball was stupid. Cuz everyone else seemed to think so. Especially Reality Steve.” I’m sure if we see Ty again on this show (and I’m willing to bet everything I own that we will), he’ll be forced to have that blue golf ball on him. And say something like, “I likes DeAnna. She’s pretty and funny. And she’s stinky poo poo.” I’ve come to realize every 3 year old I’ve ever encountered seems to relate everything to stinky poo poo. Or is that just my niece. Love her to death and am leaving for LA tomorrow to spend to the weekend with her, but, if I ask her one more time how old she’s gonna be on Thursday and she responds with, “I’m gonna be poo poo”, we may need to have a little talk. But I guess that’s what makes them so cute.

-DeAnna and Jason are going to go kayaking. Jason wants us to believe he’s a very outdoorsy kinda guy and that he’ll try everything at least once, but says he’s never been kayaking. And neither has DeAnna. You know what that means? Nothing but hijinx and hilarity is about to ensue. And by that I mean they don’t know how to paddle, they turn the wrong way, and everyone thinks its the funniest thing known to mankind. Except me. So yeah, that’s what happened. But he did get to make out with her in the kayak, so I guess he gets points for that. And just spending the day with DeAnna has helped Jason realize one thing. “The whole day has helped me fall in love with DeAnna even more.” That’s nice to know. Really, it is. But Jason, just so you know, a week ago, DeAnna was convinced she would be getting a ring from Graham. So now that you have her attention, I’m thinking she’s starting to feel she’s falling in love with you. After last night, when she was falling in love with Jeremy. And after tomorrow, when she’ll be falling in love with Jesse. You know, because her attention is on you guys now that she had to send the love of her life home in Graham.

-Over dinner, DeAnna brings up Ty again. “Have you taken Ty to the beach before?” Jason: “Yes. He loves the beach….but hey look, we can talk about Ty if you want, but lets talk about us.” Translation: So if I didn’t have a cute kid, would you even like me? This is kind of like “Jerry Maguire” revisited. Tom Cruise only likes that squishy-faced Renee Zellwegger because her cute kid says, “The human head weighs 8 pounds.” I have to hand it to Cameron Crowe for having the smarts to turn a sports movie into a chick flick. See, if “Jerry Maguire” doesn’t have all the “You had me at hello” parts to it, you wouldn’t be able to pay a chick to watch that movie. But because he did, he satisfied both parties. The men got to watch some football, and the women got to see their love story. As for me, I liked the movie, but didn’t love it. I’ve come to dislike pretty much everything Tom Cruise has ever been in now after seeing what a weirdo he’s turned into. The only thing good about “Jerry Maguire” nowadays is remembering the skit “Saturday Night Live” did when Renee Zellwegger was hosting where they pretended they were shooting a scene for the sequel. Jimmy Fallon was on his knees overacting his part as usual as Cruise, Renee played herself, and big, fat Horatio Sanz played the kid who had grown up since the first movie and wasn’t cute anymore. If you’ve seen it, you know what I’m talking about. It was funny, trust me. If I never hear “You had me at hello” again, I think I’ll be a happy man.

-It’s now Jason’s turn to read the fantasy suite card, and he does something that I don’t think I remember anyone in this shows history doing before. He stops during the middle of the reading and says, “Let’s go”. So he pretty much wasted no time in telling DeAnna, “Look, it’s been a tough road for me since my divorce. Tough to meet chicks, Ty’s always around, I just don’t get laid very often. Now I’ve got you by myself in the Bahamas, I think it’s time you let me give you the Angry Pirate.” Or something like that. Actually, what he said was, “Thank you for teaching me I can fall in love again. God knows after what happened with my ex, I never thought it’d be possible. Did you see our page on theknot.com? It’s really pretty. I had a shaved head, my ex looked taller than me, Bevin from Andy Baldwin’s season was a bridesmaid since her and my ex-wife are good friends, but I had to take the page down since once I got on this show, fans started signing my guest book and leaving nasty comments. I’ll show you sometime. Or you can go check out a message board. My whole previous marriage has pretty much been exposed.” Yet, the one thing we don’t seem to fully know for sure yet is why they got divorced. But what is known is that Jason and his ex have joint custody of Ty. He is very much a part of her life, and from what I’ve read, she was the one that watched Ty when Jason was off filming the show. I wonder what Jason’s ex thought of the blue golf ball?

-Commercial. I must talk about this since, well, it’s important. This month starts a new reality show “High School Musical” where, I’m assuming, they cast a teenager to make an appearance in “High School Musical 3 - We’re Gay Seniors Now”. Look, I’ve never seen either of the first two movies. All I know is that Zac Efron is destined to become the next George Michael, Ashley Tisdale had a nose job at 22 years old, and Vanessa Hudgens likes showing her nookie on the internet. All the power to them, they’re multi-millionaires before they hit their mid 20’s, but enough about the comparisons to that being the “Grease” of our generation. Not quite. I don’t see a Danny Zucko in that group. Or a Johnny Nogarelli. The T-Birds would be those kids asses the minute they started singing and dancing during the middle of gym class. And oh yeah, a great career move for Nick Lachey as he got stuck with the hosting gigs for this show. Who would’ve guessed five years ago that in 2008, Drew Lachey would be more relevant and popular than Nick? Sorry to see your marriage not work out, Nick. Or your career.

-Jesse’s turn to be wow’ed by DeAnna. They’re gonna go horse back riding, and that’s just about the best damn idea Jesse’s heard since, well, DeAnna’s last idea. Even though they aren’t hers. “‘We’re going horse back riding in the Bahamas. How rad is that? She never ceases to amaze me.” Of all the guys who say they’d never watched this show before coming on it, I’d definitely believe it if Jesse said that. He actually thinks DeAnna comes up with these brilliant date ideas. I bet he’s convinced she pays for all flights, hotels, and accommodations too? Someone needs to replace Jesse’s bong water and bring him up to date with reality. DeAnna is not the producer of this show. Nor is she the director. She’s told where to go, what to say, who to keep around, and who to choose in the end. Oh, and how long she’s supposed to stay together with someone she obviously isn’t in love with just to keep the charade going a little longer so the show doesn’t get egg on its face again. Anyway, while on horseback, as the horses go into the ocean, Jesse and DeAnna have a nice kiss. The last time I saw two people kissing in the ocean and horses were involved, I believe I had to use my credit card to watch the full thing. And it was with chicks. And they weren’t wearing anything. So needless to say, this wasn’t nearly as romantic for me as it was for them apparently.

-As they’re on the beach talking, Jesse has a question. “You’re potentially gonna be married to someone here in two weeks. Are you nervous?” DeAnna: “No. This is what I’ve waited for my whole life.” Really? No way! I wasn’t sure the first 1,200 times you told us, but now I’m convinced. That one sold me. Good job. DeAnna goes on to tell us how much Jesse has grown on her, and in turn, the reason why she’d never pick him in the end. “I would never have expected to like him so much. I look forward to spending more time with him.” So, once again, we’re expected to believe that a guy who admittedly isn’t the type she’d go for, and admittedly, someone she had doubts about whether she liked, is the guy she’ll want to be married too? Even after dumping the other guy who she expected to be there in the end? Yes, I see. It all makes perfect sense now.

-Over dinner, Jesse has some more questions for DeAnna that I found intriguing. He asks her again about how many kids she wants, “Two or Three?” DeAnna: “Three. I want three dammit. No more. No less. I’m having three.” Jesse: “Uhhhh, yes ma’am. And you want to have these right away, or do you want to wait….”. DeAnna: “No! Right away! By the time I’m 30! Don’t you understand my mom died when I was 12 so I’ve always wanted to be a young mother! Damn you! I put my heart on the line for you guys and you’re not taking it seriously!” Oops. Wrong episode. I was having BBQ flashbacks. Anyway, she reiterates once again that she wants three kids before she’s 30, but actually said this time, “I’d like three kids before I’m 30. It’s not like I have a plan or anything.” Sure you don’t, sweetie. Sure as hell didn’t sound that way when you were telling Jason on the Space Needle that you’d never heard of. I tend to believe that yes, DeAnna has a plan. And if you don’t plan on following that plan, then you have no business being in her life. Got that, Graham?

-Jesse also asks her about the living situation. He says he’s got to be living in “Breck” 3 months out of the year. “Breck” I’m guessing is the stoner version of “Breckenridge”. Got it. DeAnna kinda avoids this whole line of questioning basically confirming she has no interest in dealing with the cold 3 months out of the year. I don’t think she wanted to get too deep into the living situation because, well, ummmm, she has no interest in it. So she switches the subject. DeAnna: “So what do you plan on doing after snowboarding?” Jesse: “I’ve always thought at some point I’d like to be a sports agent.” Ummmm, don’t you have to be a lawyer to do that? And if you’re lawyer, doesn’t that mean years of law school? Can you see Jesse pounding the books for years in law school? Neither can I. This conversation got very awkward since she didn’t seem to jazzed about him living in Colorado for at least 3 months out of the year, she didn’t seem like she had any interest in being with him during those 3 months, and Jesse seems to be clueless on what it takes to be a sports agent. But hey, what do I know?

-Despite all this, Jesse is falling for DeAnna. “I’m falling for you so hard, and it scares the crap out of me.” Uh oh. Don’t know if that’s what DeAnna wants to hear. Might not be part her plan. Sucks to be you. So they’ve teased us all show with Jesse reading the overnight date card then saying, “I don’t know if I can do this without first meeting your dad?” To which DeAnna says, “Are you serious?” Please, please, please tell me nobody watching the show last night actually thought that this guy was going to pass up an overnight date because he hadn’t met her dad. And if you did, just lie to me and tell me you totally saw through all that editing. Please. She would’ve sent him home right then and there if he would’ve done that. Hell, I would’ve. If I’m the Bachelor, and I present an overnight suite card, and you turn me down, you’re going home. Especially if the other two already said yes and gave up the ass. Sorry. You’d have waaaaaaay too much catching up to do. Then again, I’m not the Bachelor, have no interest in being the Bachelor, and never will be the Bachelor, so I guess there’s nothing to worry about.

-Rose ceremony time. Once again, not very suspenseful having known what was going to happen for the last month or so, but I was interested in watching reaction from the guys. Speech time. “I care about all three of you….send one home….not easy….heart breaking…..and I so wish Graham wasn’t so closed off or else neither of you would even be here right now, he’d be down on one knee proposing, and we’d be on our way to making my three kids in three years.”

Jesse: Needless to say, when I found out this guy was in the final two back in mid-May, I was stunned. Still am.
Jason: I wasn’t stunned by him. Neither should you be.

-Now DeAnna has to explain to Mr. Perfect why she didn’t pick him despite all his perfectness and perfection in all things he does. “You are so perfect (shocker)….I’d be the luckiest woman in the world….I’m stupid for sending you home….we have such a bond that not many people have….I just didn’t want to confuse that bond with being in love.” I would’ve left all the “You’re perfect” crap out of there. I don’t think he really cares to hear that at this point. It just makes what you’re saying that much more stupid. When the chick couldn’t stop saying the word “perfect” for the last three episodes about the guy, you had to have known he wasn’t going to be the final one. That would’ve been too easy. It just didn’t make her sound all that smart. First she tells us the one guy who thought would be the final one she fell in love with she had to let go. Now she’s letting go of the one who she’s constantly called perfect. I don’t get it.

-Jeremy: “I’m hurt. I’ve never had my heart broken like this. Today could be one of the worst days I’ve ever had.” Yeah, he was pretty bummed. He claims to have been in love with her, she dumped him, didn’t really give him the greatest of reasons why, and now he has to face rejection. No guy likes doing that. Ever. But he kept his cool, got a little choked up, got in the limo and drove away. Sort of. He had the limo driver pull over so he could get out an lean against a tree. It looked like the limo driver stopped at the wall where Jason, Jesse, and DeAnna were on the other side of. I thought Jeremy was going to get on his tippy toes and peek over the wall at those three toasting each other. Now that would’ve been funny seeing him spying on them as they were all happy and he had a big frown on his face. Poor guy. Well, at least now he can head to the Ghost Bar and pick up on the pretentious golddiggers that hang there. I’m sure they’d love to head back to his place in Deep Ellum and have him read his journal to them.

“Men Tell All”

-It’s late, I have an early tee time this morning, and I’ve got a million errands to run today before leaving for California tomorrow, so I’m gonna keep my “Men Tell All” recap short. Very short. In case you’re curious, here’s what I have going for me today:

-7:00am tee time (maybe I should play with a blue ball, just for Ty’s sake)
-Get a haircut
-Drop Maddie off at her boarding place for the next 5 days (not something I’m looking forward to)
-1:00 chiropractors appointment
-2:30 work meeting
-Pick up dry cleaning
-Go to bank

Wow. I can’t remember the last time I had so much to do in one day. This will be the first time I’ve left Maddie at a boarding place while I’ve been away. Usually my dad watches her, but he’s coming on this trip as well. We went there last week to check it out and she seemed to like it, so I at least feel a little more comfortable now. It’s brand new, there aren’t a ton of dogs staying there, and her room isn’t the size of a dresser drawer. It’s clean, they take her for walks 8-10 times a day, and she’ll get a bath at some point. I don’t think she’ll love it because it’s not my bed she’ll be on 24/7, but she should be fine. If airlines didn’t make travelling with pets so difficult, I’d bring her with me all the time.

-Ok, so the first half hour of the show sucked. Nothing happened. Guys talked about their experiences, they showed clips we’d already seen, Jeremy and Graham came up to the hot seat and didn’t really say anything that I hadn’t heard them say already, and there was a bunch of fake, forced laughter. But then they brought DeAnna out, and that’s when things got fun. And awkward. Jeremy asked her: “When did you know it wasn’t me?” DeAnna: “After I had overnights with Jason and Jesse, I knew I was falling in love with them.” Ouch. Jeremy didn’t seem to take that too well. Probably wasn’t the answer he was looking for. There was about a five second awkwardness after that where they panned in on Jeremy’s face waiting for him to say something and he never did. So Host Chris did the next best thing….and moved on to Graham. Even better.

-Graham took the approach of, “Look, what happened on the show happened on the show. It’s over and done with, I’m happy she’s happy, there’s no need to bring up the past.” Uhhhhh, DeAnna didn’t care for that too much. Apparently she wanted to see Graham grovel over her, and she told him in so many words, “I really don’t care for the way you’re talking about things now like they don’t mean anything to you.” And then she made a comment about how she’s “definitely not 2nd guessing herself anymore”, and that she still didn’t believe he opened up to her, even though he claimed he did. What an absolute b**ch. The nerve of her for her to tell him how she thinks he should be acting. The guy is over you, woman. What’s he supposed to do three months after the fact? Talk about how wonderful and great you are and that he wishes you never let him go? The guy says he felt he opened up to you, and you don’t believe him. What else is he supposed to do? What a self-important, egotistical, beyotch she came across as last night. Wow. I thought it would’ve been outstanding if Jeremy and Graham would’ve got up and walked out on her. I’m sure that would’ve knocked her ego down a couple notches. Holy crap she made herself look terrible last night.

-One thing I want to point out from Grahams exit interview that I think some of you may find interesting. Listen to what he has to say about the editing.

Were you prepared to propose in two weeks?
Yeah, definitely. But, see, you go into the show prepared for the concept of marriage, but the variable in that is you don’t know the person when you go into it. And there were quite a few concerns that I had with her, and I’m sure she had just as many with me. I find it totally weird that she never talks about what she does for a living. She never does. She was just pretty content to talk about her feelings — 120 percent of the time.

Why is there something the audience are missing from what we are seeing? Jesse and DeAnna are so different and Jeremy and Jason seem much more the marrying kind.
I definitely would agree with you that Jason and Jeremy would make better partners with her to spend the rest of her life with. I don’t think you’re missing anything in the edit of Jesse - I think you might be missing something of the edit of DeAnna.

Did you ever talk about her life and her job?
You know, she and I talked about … mostly how I felt about her. [Laughs] I’m sure we talked about music sometimes. But, no, the time that you are given it’s pretty much revolving around the concept of the show and the relationship and where you are in the process and how you’re dealing with that. We didn’t talk day-to-day details too much, which is obviously kind of disturbing if you’re going to marry someone in that short period of time.

So yeah, you can tell that Graham was a little bothered by the way he was edited and the way DeAnna, apparently, wasn’t edited. It shows in this interview, and it showed by what we heard from him last night. He seems completely over the whole thing now, whereas she expected more from him like, “I just dumped you. You’re supposed to be more hurt than this?” No, honey. He just doesn’t dwell on things for months like you did with Brad.

-The only other eventful thing to take place during the show was Ryan the virgin calling her out for wanting so much attention. Or as he liked to call it, “OCD - Obsessive Compulsive DeAnna”. He didn’t understand why Jesse, who played the cool, mellow card the whole time and didn’t smother her, got to the final two, whereas Jeremy, who was all over her all the time, didn’t. Especially after she talked so much about needing a guy to open up to her. Even I’m confused now. Anyway, Ryan talked himself in circles and she basically shot him down with, “Well, I was attracted to Jesse and I wasn’t attracted to you. Had nothing to do with your approach. I just didn’t like you.” Oh, ok. Yet another graceful moment for her last night. I know what she intended to say, but that made her look a little high and mighty if you ask me.

-So next week, we get the 2 hr. finale followed by the “After the Final Rose” show. I’ll try and find out more information about this dumb ass “Engagement Party” show on the following Monday, but as of now, that’s what’s on ABC’s schedule. Everyone have a great 4th of July weekend, and of course as always, if you have any questions, comments, queries, criticisms, praises, or just wanna chat with such an outstanding guy, email me at steve@realitysteve.com. Until next week….

The Bachelorette Links

58 comments July 1st, 2008

The Bachelorette Recap - 6/23/08

-I don’t think I’ve ever given a “shout out” in this column, nor do I ever think I’ve acknowledged the death of anybody - until today. In case you haven’t heard, legendary comedian George Carlin died Sunday night in Santa Monica. I think it’s safe to say that I wouldn’t be writing this column, I wouldn’t love watching stand-up comedy, and I wouldn’t be half as funny as I think I am if it weren’t for George Carlin. Outside of “Bill Cosby Himself”, every George Carlin HBO special was must-see TV for me growing up. I taped every single one of them, watched them over and over and over again after school, and can still probably recite most of them if I sat down and watched them. He was a comedic genius back in the day, and for a while I wanted to be a stand-up comedian - all because of George Carlin. He got a little preachy and outdated towards his later years, but his early stuff was genius. “Baseball vs. Football”, “Flying on the Airplane”, “Things to do to Keep People on Their Toes”, “Dogs vs. Cats” are just some of his bits that I’ll always remember. So I’m sorry to see that he’s gone. Although, having two open heart surgeries yet being a coke addict probably didn’t help his cause. Almost a miracle he lived to 71. And oh yeah, he was addicted to painkillers and red wine too. Whoa. Triple Whammy.

-There are two quick pop culture stories that I want to reference. One being that Jamie Lynn Spears decided to name her devil-spawn “Maddie”. Do you realize how much I was affected by this? My dog is now named after something that came out of Jamie Lynn Spears baby maker? Is it too late to change Maddie’s name? Seriously, of all the names Jamie Lynn could’ve chosen, she decided to go with that? She’s completely tarnished the name of anyone named Maddie, Madison, or Madeline. How sorry do you feel for that kid? Think she’s growing up in a stable, loving, nuturing, sane environment? Please. That chick will be stripping by twelve years old. But good luck to the two teenagers who are going to raise her. I’m sure they’re prepared and will do a fine job.

-And I think it’s safe to say that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are two of the most hated “C-list” celebrities in all of Hollywood right now. Yet, they don’t care. They keep doing fake photo shoots, keep saying how much they despise Lauren yet keep appearing on every episode of her show, and are still trying to shop their own reality show around. And oh yeah, Heidi keeps singing. Awfully. In case you missed it, here’s her latest single, “Fashion”, which I’m sure will get tens of downloads:

http://www.usmagazine.com/exclusive-listen-to-heidi-montag-new-single-fashion

Yuck. Are you serious? Who told her she can sing? What music producer thinks this will sell? Actually, forget I said that. There are gaggles of 13 year old girls who love this crap. And these girls are clueless to how fake “The Hills” is. OH well. Someday they’ll learn. Ok, let’s get to last night…..

-I’m glad they took the first 10 minutes last night to show us what four guys were left and what DeAnna thought of them. Too bad we saw this last week when it was called “DeAnna Tells All”. That’s ok, though. That means only one hour and fifty minutes left. No need to recap what she said about the remaining four since we heard it all last week. And frankly, for a two hour hometown date episode, this one was pretty boring. None of the guys really had any of that crazy family thing going. There weren’t any major incidents, no real drama like we’ve seen in season’s past, and pretty much everyone just made nicey-nice with each other. Jason’s hometown date was strictly there for women to break out the box of tissues to cry, but then again, you knew that was coming. More on him later. First hometown date is to Breckenridge, Colorado to visit Jesse. He’s gonna teach DeAnna to snowboard today because that’s what he does. He says, “Kids sometimes get crushes on you when teaching them snowboarding, so I hope that happens today with DeAnna”. Very cool, Jesse. And very illegal. Quit hooking up with teenagers. I wonder if the kid he taught when he appeared on MTV’s “Made” ended up having a crush on him. Yeah, Jesse’s been on TV before. Real shocker. He’s got his own clothing line, we find out last night he runs a non-profit organization that we were given all the details on, and he was once the “snowboarding mentor” on an episode of MTV’s “Made”. Decent resume. Maybe if this doesn’t work out, he can try out for “Elimidate”.

-After he tries to teach her to snowboard, Jesse is blown away. “She killed it. Such a natural athlete.” Really? All I saw was her holding your hands all the way down the hill and when you let go she face planted into the ground. More like a natural klutz to me. There was nothing about that run down the hill that made me think she’ll be competing at the X-games anytime in the next, oh I don’t know, 50 years or so. So after he fills her with compliments she didn’t deserve, it’s time for them to get serious and talk about each other. DeAnna lays down the law about exactly what she wants. “I need a guy with a backbone….I definitely need someone to tell me I’m wrong.” Ok, but if you get that guy, are you actually going to listen to him? I mean, I’m sure someone has told you a 1,000 times already you might want to stop talking about Brad and how hurt you were but you don’t seemed to have listened. And that’s really nice of you and all to admit that you need someone to tell you that you’re wrong, but, in all my years on this planet, I’ve never met a woman who didn’t think she was ever wrong, so I guess I don’t really believe you. Oh I’m sure you’ll want someone that’ll tell you you’re wrong, but they’ll just be a sounding board for you to continuously prove your point til you’re blue in the face and eventually he just quits so you’ll shut up. No, I’ve never done that.

-So Jesse takes her back to his place and if I didn’t know any better, I’d say Jesse like to snowboard. Why? I don’t know. It might be the 700 snowboards he has glued to every inch of wall in his place. He’s got a non-profit organization called JSAK which stands for “Jesse Sure is A Kook”. Or not. It actually stood for “Just Snowboarding for Ambitious Kids”. I think. I guess he goes into the mean streets of Breckenridge, Colorado and pulls underprivileged kids out and teaches them to snowboard. And smoke weed. I think that’s a very noble thing for Jesse to be doing. I congratulate anyone who is out to help the less fortunate. Especially if it means getting them off of a life of drugs, crime, and poverty and letting them roll down a mountain at warp speed for fun. And then lighting up a doobie afterwards. Where can I donate to JSAK? I’ve got some worn out flannel shirts, some Timberland boots, and a few ski caps I could scrounge up. Just call me Santa Reality Steve. I’m full of gifts for the kids. I think maybe I’ll start my own non-profit organization where I gather people from all around the world who believe in the concept of this show and I do my best to smack some sense into them. You know, those that think DeAnna is destined to find her husband out of the remaining three guys. And those that think DeAnna got screwed over by Brad. And those who watch this crap thinking they’re gonna get a love story out of it. I think I’d be doing a lot to help society since those people need a severe lesson in reality. I’m your man. Let’s get this thing going. Oh yeah, we can throw in people who post all day long on message boards too. Although they might be a lost cause. They’re hopeless.

-Jesse’s parents come over to his place since I guess, well, maybe they don’t have their own place. Maybe they can’t cook. Maybe they live in a log cabin and smoke peace pipes all day. Not sure, but they came over to Jesse’s and someone from the production team looks like they cooked up a mighty fine dinner. Mmmmmmm….yummy. I was surprised I didn’t see any of the special brownies for dessert. Hmmm…weird. Anyway, Jesse’s dad is just a crazy ol’ coot I tell ya’. He came over and had fake dreadlocks attached to the hat he was wearing to give off the impression he was just as baked as his son is half the time. Or maybe it was just to show he was a cool, hip dad that tries to be funny a lot. But isn’t. Whatever the case, DeAnna ate it up and thought this guy was the next Don Rickles. Over dinner, Jesse’s hair became a topic. His dad asked DeAnna if he had the longest hair of any of the guys and she said yes and that “I typically don’t date guys with long hair. Like my last boyfriend, Brad, he had really short hair. And nice stubble on his face. And gorgeous eyes. And such a hunky body. But he led me on and broke my heart……” Ok, she didn’t add that part. But she was thinking it. This isn’t the first time DeAnna’s mentioned that she doesn’t typically date guys with long hair so I guess she’s setting us up for one reason she isn’t picking Jesse. Well, that’s one of about 10 reasons I can think of why she wouldn’t pick him.

-Jesse and dad have a heart to heart talk in his bedroom over by the giant bong he’s made out of a snowboard. Time to get serious. His dad really harps on the fact that he’s got to open up more. It’s down to the end now and DeAnna needs to know who will be there for her, and she can’t make a clear decision if any of the guys are holding back. Jesse admits to dad that he hasn’t kissed her yet and his dad immediately questions if his son is gay or not. Well, I did at least. One thing Jesse admits to dad is that he’s not ready to be married in 2 weeks. Ummmmm, why don’t we just mark that down as reasons #2 through #10 as to why Jesse won’t get picked. Hey Jesse, in case you’ve been living under a rock, let’s make something perfectly clear here. DeAnna is looking for a husband. Like, yesterday. She doesn’t have time to mess around with a snowboarding coach who isn’t ready to settle down immediately. So if you want that final rose, get your ass in gear, assume the position, and make sure those swimmers start heading due north upon arrival. It’s go time, baby! Your whole “not ready to be married in 2 weeks” just doesn’t play on this show. Even though that’s about the most logical thing you’ve said the whole season. Lesson #1 in the Reality Steve non-profit organization class for those who believe in the concept of this show: Don’t ever expect any guy to actually be ready to get married after knowing a chick for six weeks. These people are choosing the person they want to continue to date, and the show is the force behind the proposal. If you can get that through your head, the rest of the class is peaches and cream.

-Time for Jeremy’s date in Dallas. Woo hoo. Right up my alley. You know, I’ve been here almost two years now so I know all about downtown Dallas. And when I say “all about”, I actually mean “not much at all”. Jeremy picks DeAnna up on his motorcycle and she’s all horny now. “I definitely think its hot Jeremy rides a motorcycle.” Uh oh. You know who else thought that? Stephanie Zinone. In fact, she would only date a guy who was a “Cool Rider”. Which kinda made her a superficial bitch if you really think about it. And actually, I’d say Jeremy and Michael Carrington definitely have a similar quality in that they’re both incredibly boring. So maybe Jeremy’s got something going for him in this. But after the talent show, after he jumps the cliff and DeAnna thinks he’s dead, he’s really gonna have to make an impression on her at the Luau. He can’t hide behind those dark glasses anymore even though its nighttime. He needs to open up and let DeAnna knows who he really is. No more “Charades” and appearing in her made up songs about you in a gold biker outfit. It’s time for DeAnna to see the real Jeremy. For those of you who’ve never seen “Grease 2″, there’s your plot summary. Go rent it. It’s just about the greatest/worst movie I’ve seen over 100 times.

-Jeremy is horny now too that DeAnna is on the motorcycle with him. “It’s just something about her being behind me and her arms wrapped around me.” Ummmm, isn’t it supposed to be the other way around, big boy? Unless you’re into strap-ons….forget it. Lets move on before I throw up. So these two end up riding around the closed off streets of Downtown Dallas. Looks like they biking around close to the West End area which is about as happening as a ghost town. I guess he could’ve taken her to the “W” hotel up to the Ghost Bar at the top floor. Then she really would’ve seen Dallas’ finest douchebags in all their glory. Nothing but guys like “Chef-Boy-Ar-Robert” doing their best $30,000 millionaire impersonations. Pretty comical. I saw that they did go by Market Street. Been there once. I think. I believe there’s a Campisi’s Italian restaurant on Market Street. If not, it’s somewhere close. He should’ve taken her there. The owners daughter posed in Playboy once and has giant cans. Amber Campisi. Go google her and you’ll know what I’m talking about. Yowza. I don’t know what this has to do with Jeremy and DeAnna’s bike ride, but I thought I’d point that out. After biking around town really fast and not getting a ticket, they get back to his place and she gets to meet his dog “Chemo”. Chemo? Is that short for “chemotherapy”? Cute dog. Not as cute as Maddie, but whatever. No one’s dog is. It’s ok. It’s not your fault my dog is the best. Chemo looks like he slobbers a bit too much. Maddie doesn’t. Nor does she bark. Or want to have anything to do with people or other dogs. Yeah, we’re still working on her social skills a little bit. But I tell you what, she can lay on a bed with the best of them.

-Jeremy’s hometown date was a ridiculously depressing. I mean, I understand that he and DeAnna both share a common bond in that they had parents that died, but can we please talk about something else? Maybe tell some knock-knock jokes? Would it be asking too much if someone cracked a smile? Maybe watch some porn? Please. Anything but rehashing the death of your parents. Geez. I mean, did he really just read her his journal from when after his mother died? He sure knows how to bring a room down. And by no means am I making fun of the guy for what he’s gone through, I’m just saying, the guy is way too intense and way too serious all the time. Someone needs to tickle him or something. I don’t think I’ve seen the guy smile in 6 weeks. And the fact that DeAnna has called him “perfect” at least 100 times already is pretty much the kiss of death. If he’s that perfect and everything she’s looking for in a husband, then this would be an easy choice as to who she picks. Kinda saying the same thing about him that Brad said about her. And we all know how that turned out. Sucks to be Jeremy. He’s gotta listen to this chick fawn all over him then let him go because why? He’s too perfect? I’m sure that’ll sit well. No worries, according to certain sources out there, Jeremy was partying it up this past Friday night here in Dallas and looked very happy with all the attention he was getting from the local skirt. I’m sure he’s really broken up about the show.

-DeAnna now tells Jeremy’s family how perfect he is. “Jeremy is the perfect guy. He has all the qualities that I look for. I’m scared.” I really don’t think I’m ruining it for everyone when I say that Jeremy isn’t the final one. I had heard it through the Dallas grapevine before the season even started, and knew it to be true. I mean, c’mon. Isn’t it a little obvious with how much she tells us how perfect he is? He rides a bike, he has a dog named Chemo, he works out 25 hours a day, he never has a hair out of place, and he had a parent that died just like her. I can see where these two would make a great couple. Other than the fact that he wouldn’t know fun if came and bit him on the ass. Time for Jeremy to get serious - again. “I don’t just want you, I need you.” Uh oh. Red flag. Now he’s needy. I wonder if he told that to any of the chicks at Suite this past weekend. Trust me, I think Jeremy is much better off as a swingin’ single than he would be rolling around town with that emotional mess on his arm. I don’t think his dating life is suffering at all after this show.

-Let’s move on to a more happy hometown date with Jason. And when I say “happy”, I mean “more crying than at a funeral”. I started crying immediately when DeAnna showed up in Seattle with that god awful ugly fluorescent jacket. Who dressed her? And I know DeAnna is from the South and probably isn’t too up-to-date on what’s happening in the Pacific Northwest, but she didn’t even know what the Space Needle was? I’ve been to Seattle once in my life and I know what it is. She’s never even heard of the thing. Wow. Which I’m sure bodes well for her packing up her life and moving there, huh? DeAnna and Jason spend some time in the Space Needle talking about her plans for the future since, well, everything is about her. And this one is a doozy. “I want 3 kids. Before I’m 30.” Uhhhh, you’re 26 now and don’t even have a boyfriend. If I were Jason, I wouldn’t gotten up from the table and walked off the show. I don’t care who she ends up with, whether or not its anyone from this show, or someone that she’ll eventually meet after she breaks up with whoever she picks. I can guarantee you DeAnna will not be married with 3 kids by the time she’s 30. No chance, no how. For her to even suggest that shows me how warped this chicks mind is. I’m sure she wants to have 3 kids by the time she’s 30 - doesn’t mean it’s gonna happen though. How bizarre to be uttering such a ridiculous comment to a guy who you’re expecting a proposal from? Things are not going to end well for DeAnna, I can assure you of that.

-So now it’s time for the sappy portion of the show to begin. Jason gets to meet Ty and introduce him to DeAnna. Very touching moment of him seeing Ty for the first time and essentially tackled him like a linebacker when he saw him. Geez. I thought he hurt the poor kid. Of course, this made DeAnna cry. And I’m guessing many other women out there too. Jason has to explain to Ty why he’s deserted him for the last month. “Do you remember why Daddy went to California? To meet a pretty girl.” And Jason has fully convinced Ty that the pretty girl he met was DeAnna. DeAnna then presents Ty with a gift she brought for him. A golf ball. Just a blue golf ball. Nothing else. Now, having a niece and nephew, I know anything you give a 3 year old they’ll like, but ummmm, what was the meaning behind the golf ball? Could you at least got him a little kiddie golf club to go along with it? What the hell is he gonna do with a blue golf ball other than throw it in his giant toy chest and never see it again after you leave? Very odd gift I thought. But maybe there’s something more to it that I missed.

-I did want to point something out that was brought to my attention last week. Before this show began, Jason and his ex-wife still had a page on www.theknot.com. You know, that cute little site where couples put up pictures from their wedding and talk about how they met, how the proposal happened, and who was in, or is going to be in their wedding party. Anyway, their page was up until recently when I guess random followers of the show found the page and started signing their guest book leaving nasty messages, so it got taken down. If you go to the site and type in “Jason Mesnick”, there’s no page. However, someone did have the courtesy to cut and paste their whole page and post it on a message board for all to see. Did you notice how Ty looked nothing like Jason? Well, if you saw the pictures of his ex-wife, you’ll know where Ty gets his looks from. And those ears. I thought it was pretty low of somebody to cut and paste the guys wedding information and pics on the internet, but of course, I had to look. I just won’t re-post them. If you do enough searching on the right sites, I’m sure you’ll be able to find it. I had completely forgotten about that site so I had a little fun with it and started typing in names of everybody I’ve ever known in my life, just to see who had gotten married. Ex-girlfriends, former friends, high school acquaintances, or just anybodys name I could remember. Found a few people. Was hoping to find more. Oh well. Nice to see one of my ex’s married a complete dork. Serves her right.

-Jason’s family asks him what he thinks about the whole situation and how he feels about DeAnna. “When you talk to her, the way she looks at the world, she looks at it like no one else does.” WHAT????!!!! Other than as a jilted ex-lover who only came back to do this show to make Brad Womack jealous, I can’t think of one reason why DeAnna seems to look at the world “like no one else does”. What a ridiculous statement. Jason seems to be smitten with DeAnna, and for the life of me, I can’t figure out why. Oh, I got it. She gave Ty a blue golf ball. Makes sense. Yeah, I’d definitely marry her for that. I’ve also noticed DeAnna seems to be trying really hard to fall for Jason. In one breath she says she’s totally fine with dating someone with a kid, but the next thing out of her mouth is she says she’s never done it before. Well, how can you be totally fine with it if you’ve never done it? What if once you’ve done it you realize, “This isn’t for me.” Isn’t that kinda misleading? I think she can definitely be fine with Jason having a kid, I just probably wouldn’t have said something that bold having never done it before. She says she’s “Ok with being the 2nd part of his life.” Yeah, considering in DeAnna’s world everything revolves around her, I’m not so sure about that one. She might want to tap the brakes just a bit on that.

-So after dinner, DeAnna makes sure the whole family gets in a circle and dances around saying, “Opaaaaa!!!!” Nice. How does Jason’s family return the nice gesture? By going outside to play a game of leap frog. Nothing ever says “Welcome to the family” than a nice game of leap frog. Except a family game of “Nude Twister”. “Twister” has got to be the most homo-erotic board game on the planet. And it’s almost physically impossible to put yourself in some of the positions that game will ultimately ask you too. And if there’s a sorority in America that didn’t put on a function where “Twister” wasn’t involved, I’ve never heard of it. The KD’s at my school did. And I participated. Me and my friend were eliminated in about 3 moves. Boooooooooooo. I hate that game. Anyway, once the play time of leap frog was over, it was time to leave. Time to turn on the water works again as Jason has to say goodbye to Ty who doesn’t want to see him go. Everyone in the family cried over this one. And DeAnna cried for the third time already on this hometown date. Jason assures Ty that he’ll call him “tomorr-e-oh”. That must be the cute way of saying tomorrow. Don’t know. Never said “tomorr-e-oh” before. Maybe I should start. I could get a date out of it.

-Commercial. I wanted to point something out in case you missed it. “I Survived a Japanese Game Show” is a new reality show that starts on ABC soon. Maybe this week even. I don’t know what it’s about, nor do I care, but I’m guessing from the title, it’s about American contestants that get put on a Japanese game show. And survive. I know, I’m a genius I figured that out all by myself. But that’s not important. What is important is that one of the females on the show, the hot blonde one, came out last week and told any news outlet that would listen that she’d been sleeping with Mario Lopez for the last year. One problem. Mario has had a girlfriend for the last two years, the chick who got her beak re-done on “Dancing With the Stars”. Apparently, Mario kept this blonde chick completely out of the loop on it all and said that he was broken up with her. How slick this guy is. If there is a bigger player in Hollywood, I haven’t seen him yet. This is a guy who got dumped by Ali Landry after two weeks of marriage cuz’ he couldn’t keep it in his pants. And now this? Needless to say, his DWTS chick and him broke up last week when this news broke, although in the statement, it said they we’re breaking up to “focus on their careers”. Yeah, her focusing on her dancing, and he’s focusing on having women audition on his junk. Oh yeah, this chick he cheated with is a former Hooters waitress. Really? No way! I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried. AC Slater is a whore.

-Time for Graham’s date back at his old high school because apparently he’s still living in his teen years. He says basketball was a big part of his life, and this is where it all started, so he figured it’d be a perfect place to take her. Hey look, I was a high school basketball legend myself, and I even made my high school’s Wall of Fame for all my outstanding accomplishments, but you don’t see me still bragging about it, do you? Oops. Let’s just say the next date I ever take back to my high school to show her my picture up on the wall will be the first. It’s a pretty damn good picture though. Taking a jump shot right in someone’s face. Awesome. I was unstoppable. Anyway, enough about me. I’m starting to sound like DeAnna. “Me, me, me, me, me, me, and me. It’s all about me.” So Graham gives her a jersey with his last name “Bunn” on it. I bet if he put a DeAnna worn jersey up on his website, www.grahambunn.com, there’d be some stalker chick out there that’d buy it. Probably DeAnna since she’s still in love with him. More on that later. Oh yeah, they went out on the basketball court to play around a little bit and DeAnna sucked. What happened to her being such a “natural athlete” like Jesse said. Oh that’s right. She’s not.

-When they go meet his family, it’s just his mom and dad. Mom asks DeAnna, “Is it tougher being one of 25 girls going after one guy, or, being the one girl having to choose from 25 guys?” You know exactly where this answer is headed. “I think it’s easier to be in my position, but I know exactly what they’re going through. Because you know, I was on this show once. And I had my heart broken after being led on by Brad…..” Yeah, that’s pretty much how that conversation went. So after dinner, mom takes DeAnna up to his room where his room is decked out like he’s still in high school with trophies, and medals, and jerseys everywhere. Apparently Graham likes living in the past. DeAnna tells his mom her concern. “I have a feeling I’m more into him than he’s into me. I don’t know if he’s ready for me.” And mom gives us the answer I’m sure DeAnna wanted to hear. “Finding someone to last past four weeks is difficult for Graham….he’s a little bit of a loner.” Gee, I never would’ve guessed that watching this show. Considering he and DeAnna’s conversations revolve around two things - her dating other guys, or, nothing - I can’t see why these two couldn’t make it long term.

-DeAnna is delusional trying to convince herself this is the guy for her. They go outside to be alone, he just sits there again saying nothing, she asks what’s wrong, he says nothing, on and on and on this goes until DeAnna says, “You just handle things differently than I do.” Yes, he does. So get rid of him. Just because he’s hot isn’t gonna be enough to salvage your relationship where you don’t talk. I mean, she admitted last night she’s 26 and wants to have three kids by 30. Like Graham wants any part of that. If he does, he sure doesn’t show it. She’s only attracted to him because he’s unattainable. The minute Graham gave in, and if these two were actually together, they’d never last. His personality doesn’t mesh with hers. She wants him to be something he’s not, and in the end, that’ll never work. She’s attracted to him the most, likes him the best, and wants him to like her like she likes him, but it ain’t gonna happen. She’s needy and he’s a little more independent. And she probably will try and contact Graham once she breaks up with who she chooses, but that seems rather desperate. Just let it go. He isn’t going to change for you. That’s my Dr. Phil diagnosis for the day.

-No final cocktail ceremony tonight. DeAnna is heard talking about all four guys as we see them arrive out of their limos. Jesse is decked out in his Tony Manero suit. Was there a disco he was headed to later that night? As Jeremy’s walking in, we hear DeAnna gushing again, “Perfect house, perfect dog, perfect life….but is he perfect for me?” Uh oh. Be sure to pack your bags on your overnight date, Jeremy. She comments about whether or not she wants to join a family “already in progress” with Jason. Wait a second? Didn’t she say earlier she has no problem dating a guy with kids? This chick is crazy. She doesn’t know what she wants. Well, I take that back. She wants Graham. He just doesn’t want her. And speaking of Graham, nice of him to dress up for the rose ceremony. Every other guy has a suit on, and this slacker comes dressed in jeans, red sweater, untucked dress shirt underneath, and a blazer. I’ve worn that on a date before. Just not to a formal setting. Yikes. Thanks for the effort Graham. No time for speeches from DeAnna, thank God. Let’s get down to the least shocking rose ceremony ever.

Jesse: He got the rose first this week. I bet he’s happy. Happy enough to spark up right there in the room.
Jeremy: He’s almost at the end. Almost at the point where he can take off the sunglasses and reveal to her who he really is while singing “We’ll Be Together”.
Jason: I bet Ty is fired up he might get another golf ball out of this. Million bucks says the kid hasn’t touched that ball since she left.

-Time to walk Graham out and get serious. She wasn’t happy with the way he stood there “rocking back and forth and smiling” while she was giving roses to other guys. You know why? Because it’s all about her and if you’re not going to look heartbroken and act like your life is completely over because she didn’t pick you, then that bothers her. Then she drops this bomb. “I’m saying goodbye to the one person I thought I was falling in love with.” Wow. Let me ask you something: Ok, so if you were one of the three remaining guys, and you watched that episode last night, wouldn’t you feel a little inferior? Obviously she liked Graham the most, but he liked her the least back. Goes into that whole thing about wanting the guy who’s the least attainable. She’s attracted to the guy who gave her the biggest challenge, when all three of other guys were more open and honest with her and told her how they felt. Yet she’s talking about 2nd guessing herself towards the guy who never gave her what she wanted. Kind of backwards logic if you ask me. No wonder she’s still single…ha ha. I’d definitely be scratching my head watching that if I were Jeremy, Jason, or Jesse. She really, really, really, really wanted to keep Graham around. And for what reason other than him being hot, I have no idea. The guy was a mute. How can the guys not take “I’m saying goodbye to the one person I thought I was falling in love with” as an insult? I guess the rest of the show we have to watch knowing that she’s just pretending to like any of the remaining three more than Graham.

-Graham gives DeAnna a letter he had stored away in his pocket since he pretty much knew he was going home. He told her to read it off camera on her own time if she wanted to. Or she could never read it and burn it. Please. It wasn’t two seconds after he got into the limo that she was dying to read that thing since he’s the one she wants. And of course, next week during the “Men Tell All”, Host Chris teases “….and what did that letter from Graham say?” Like there’s a chance in hell DeAnna is gonna share that with us. Unless Graham says, “You know what? F**K it. Here’s what I wrote…”, we’re not gonna hear anything. That’s private between those two and kind of insulting to even tease we’re gonna know what he wrote. I just don’t see how anyone can watch the rest of this show thinking she’s actually going to want to end up with one of the remaining guys long term. No one has ever been that distraught with eliminating someone in this shows history than she was with Graham last night. Not a chance DeAnna lasts with Jesse, Jeremy, or Jason. Last nights episode pretty much confirmed everything I was told over a month ago.

-Only two weeks left of this train wreck. There’s no way that ABC does another “Bachelorette” do they? I know the “Bachelor” is set to return in the fall, but they just can’t ever do another one like this. It’s painful to watch, really. Only time will tell. Anyway, Dr. Reality Steve is almost set to return, so please keep sending all emails, questions, queries, comments, suggestions, praises, criticisms, and any relationship/marriage/sex/love advice to steve@realitysteve.com. Until next week…..

The Bachelorette Links

42 comments June 24th, 2008

The Bachelorette Recap - 6/16/08

-Much shorter column this week. Thank God. There’s really no reason to do a full recap of the “DeAnna Tells All” episode considering she didn’t really tell us much that we already didn’t know. And I’m still trying to figure out why for the first time in 16 seasons they even decided to do a show where the “Bachelor/Bachelorette” handicaps the final six. Especially this season where it was pretty obvious which four she was keeping. If you looked at any spoilers in the past month, you knew that Jason, Jeremy, Jesse, and Graham were the final four. Hell, even if you didn’t, if you watched the previews for the rest of the season, they showed her on hometown dates and overnight dates with those four. The only clips you saw of Sean and Twilley were from last nights episode. So here are just a few quick thoughts from what I remember about the “Tell All” episode. I never wrote anything down so this is all coming off what I can remember. I’m guessing there’ll be a few things I forgot or mixed up:

-I was kinda confused as to when this thing was actually filmed. Was it filmed after she had narrowed her choices down to six and before this whole Palm Springs date took place, or was it filmed after the show was completed, and she had to go back and remember what her feelings were like before the Palm Springs dates took place? Usually I could figure this stuff out, but last night, I wasn’t sure. If I had to guess, I’d say it was all done after the show was finished filming. They just sat her down and said, “Look, people like Reality Steve are bitching the show is two hours every week. So we’ve decided that you’re too boring to show for 120 once every 7 days. What we’re gonna do is sit you down, talk to you for a little bit, rehash everything we’ve shown for the last month, and have you talk about it like you’re really straining on whether to keep Sean and Twilley around. And oh yeah, it gives us time to give ‘up close and personal’ videos of the remaining guys. Which is always never interesting.”

-Host Chris asked her why she dumped Richard since apparently tens of people wanted to know. She said when they were having dinner, and he pulled her hair back to kiss her, and she didn’t want to kiss him back, she knew right then it wasn’t meant to be for him. Well that’s good to know. Didn’t she already tell us this? I mean, is she really all broken up that she sent that guy home? Is she really having second thoughts? Please. I don’t buy it. She didn’t like him, so she dumped him. Plain and simple. No need to mask it with how upset she was. Like Richard is sitting at home and wants to hear that. He’s probably already found himself some new tail at the Science Fair anyway.

-I think the only piece of video I found interesting about any of the guys was Sean. Dude is a lot more metrosexual than I originally thought. He fake bakes every day, he wears a lot of facial products, and Ron the divorcee cut his hair during the show. I think we all kinda assumed that since in the first episode he had a mullet, and after that, his hair was noticeably shorter. I think the one things we would’ve all liked to have known about Sean is what Kentucky Ma’ and Pa’ clothing store provided him with is God awful suits? In the piece, they showed his closet loaded with only “name brand” clothes.” Really? Name brand in whose eyes? I didn’t notice any Armani or Joseph Abboud suits hanging around. If J Crew and Millers Outpost is considered name brand, then I’ve completely lost my sense of style.

-I noticed that Jeremy got to ride around on one of his motorcyles in downtown Dallas all by himself. Must’ve been nice they shut down the streets downtown all just for Jeremy so they can film him on his crotch rocket. Probably why I had traffic problems getting into work one day. Thanks Jeremy and ABC. Partnering together to cause traffic gridlock downtown. And Jeremy had a dog. Cute. Not as cute as Maddie, but cute. And for those curious, Maddie is doing just fine. I don’t think I’ll ever purchase anything more important than her the rest of my life. No matter what kinda mood I’m in, she’s always excited to see me, and that can’t help but cheer someone up. If she were a female person, Id date her.

-Before we get started, one thing I wanted to address from last week. As I mentioned, every week, booted contestants from this show do a conference call interview for the media that’s monitored by ABC. And there are plenty of news sites that print these interviews on their page, one being www.realitytvworld.com (you can click on the link to the right to get to it). Anyway, they interviewed Chef-Boy-Ar-Robert, and I thought this was an interesting tidbit from the interview:

Reality TV World: DeAnna basically called you a hypocrite when she asked how you deal with relationship problems and you replied communication, only to have her bring up the example of earlier in the day with the BBQ. Did you have any idea DeAnna would react the way she did?

Robert: To be honest with you, there were a lot of other things going on besides my issue with what I heard when I went down to the outhouse that day. I just was the icing on the cake for that breakdown. She was really hung up on something else that was really bothering her and I just kind of set her off.

Reality TV World: What was that something else?

Robert: I can’t go into what that was. But, I’m okay with the fact of knowing that I wasn’t the butt of all of it.

See? This sucks. And this wasn’t the only answer he gave where he talked about not being able to say anything. This is the stuff I’m guessing most people want to hear about. It basically means ABC is purposely not showing us things that ultimately affect the outcome of certain behaviors and decisions. What a load of crap.

-The show begins with Host Chris telling the six remaining guys that DeAnna will be taking all of them on a road trip to Palm Springs, no roses will be given out, and the next time you see him will be at the Rose Ceremony. Is this really important information to the guys? Are all of them worried about Host Chris’ whereabouts and when they’ll see him next while they’re trying to get naked with DeAnna in Palm Springs? I sure hope not. One guy who’s totally baked, and impressed, with DeAnna is Jesse. “She knows how to pick her spots and where to take us.” Huh? Does he really believe DeAnna goes to ABC and tells them which dates she’d like to go on and where she wants to take them? Jesse, dump out the bong water and listen up. DeAnna isn’t choosing where you guys are going. And when you get to your hotel room in Palm Springs, she isn’t the one who picked it out, vacuumed the carpets, or made the beds. She has about as much say in where you go and what you do as I do. And you know that helicopter that’s about to come pick you up? Not her idea either. I wonder if Jesse had ever watched this show before. Something tells me no. Something tells me he had more important things to do like, ummmm, uhhhhh, wake and bake. And snowboard.

-Sean gets a 1-on-1 date with DeAnna at the top of mountain. They’re going to have dinner and then “If I have a connection with him, I’ll invite him back to my suite for dessert.” Dessert? Is that what kids are calling it nowadays? Post-dinner intercourse is now referred to as “dessert”. Hmmmmm…seems appropriate I guess. I think Sean is beginning to have real feelings for DeAnna. He talks about taking risks and he’s here for the right reasons blah blah blah, then he drops this doozy on her, “I’d rather walk around with a loaded gun, then not with one at all.” Whoa. Too much information, pal. You might hurt somebody walking around with a loaded gun. Didn’t you ever see “There’s Something About Mary”? You gotta take care of that. I hope you saw that movie since it was the last time Cameron Diaz looked good in anything. Talk about someone that bugs the piss out of me. There isn’t a single actress on the planet that I despise more than Cameron Diaz. She’s an over-actor, has gotten uglier by the day, and basically plays the same character in every movie she’s in - drunk, ditzy girl that at some point in the movie, will start dancing at a club or in a bar, and throw a lot of “Woo hoo’s” out there. No thanks. If you look like Jessica Alba, feel free to do that every day of the week and twice on Sundays. If you’re face is shaped like a frying pan, it’s annoying. See how that works? Basically, if you’re hot, you can get away with things other people can’t. And when I say “other people”, I mean “the uglies”. Yes, I know. It’s a tough life we lead, but hey, someone’s got to do it. And by the way, Maxim just came out with their Hottest 100 women in Hollywood, ummmmm, Cameron is nowhere to be found. Shocking, really.

-Sean feels it’s time that DeAnna should know a little bit more about him and get to know him on a more personal level. He’s very much a mama’s boy, and even admits, “Mom and Dad live one street over from me”. In Kentucky? Really? If you think for a second I’d even consider making inbred jokes here, then you couldn’t be more right. Mom and Dad live down the street? Are they your brother and sister too? Is your family tree just one straight line? C’mon, admit it Sean. You’ve been to a prom with one your relatives. You know what amazes me about rednecks? Is that they find Jeff Foxworthy funny. One of his jokes should be, “If you find any of the stuff I say on stage to be the least bit comical, you might be a redneck.” Do you realize Jeff Foxworthy has sold more comedy albums/books/videos/CD’s than any other stand up in the history of mankind? You know what that proves to me? That most Americans are idiots. Jeff Foxworthy? Funny? “You Might Be a Redneck….” jokes maybe, MAYBE, were funny the first time you heard them. But he’s been doing that shtick for over 20 years and those ‘billies can’t get enough of it. And don’t get me started on “Larry the Cable Guy”. The success that guy has had might be the 9th Wonder of the World. Especially since it’s all an act. Like, if he were a real redneck and actually talked like that, I can see where deep, deep Southern rednecks would find him funny. But he doesn’t. Hell, he was on “60 Minutes” and basically admitted to the fact that he can’t believe the success he’s had. If he can’t believe it, then I certainly am not going to. “Git er’ done”? Exactly what does that mean anyway? And when you say it after every joke, how can it still be funny?

-So somehow Sean gets DeAnna on a hammock and they start kissing - sort of. I’ve noticed DeAnna isn’t too fond of making out with guys. It was pretty much like she gave him a sympathy kiss. She wasn’t grossed out enough to where she wasn’t repulsed by kissing him, but she wasn’t really that into it. Something she did let Sean and his zippered shirt in on though? “I know that my husband is here.” Wow. Yet another bold statement by DeAnna. If she knows that her husband is here, then that means she knew at that point who she’s picking, right? So why didn’t she just tell the producers who her final one was and be done with it rather than “lead them on”? That seems to be her big thing this season is that since Brad led her on, she doesn’t want to do it to anyone else. Well, if she knows her husband is there, why not just cut to the chase and let him know now? Oh, because she’s contractually obligated to do a certain amount of shows and can’t just cut the show short whenever she feels like it. Just like Brad wasn’t, which is why he wasn’t leading you on. I’m sure Brad knew before the final rose ceremony he wasn’t choosing anyone but it’s not like they could just stop the show. Brad’s year contract has got to be up, right? If there’s one person from this entrie series I’d like to do an interview with, it’s that guy. I wanna hear him speak candidly about everything that went down during his filming. Someone contact him, let him know his #1 supporter is looking for him, and lets put an end to this nonsense already about how DeAnna was treated. Brad was there and he’s one of the few that know the truth. You have an open invitation Brad. Realitysteve.com and its readers want the “Tell All” interview for the ages. You know where to find me. I think. The most annoying thing about DeAnna has been her insistence on not doing or saying the things Brad did, even though that’s pretty much what she’s doing. Hence the reason why this show sucks. Yay DeAnna!

-Next up, a helicopter rolls in and is picking up Twilley, Graham, Jason, and Jesse and taking them to the middle of nowhere to ride dirt bikes. Although, the first helicopter arrives is what I call the “sympathy” helicopter for Twilley, since it’s just taking the two of them, and the other guys will take the second helicopter. Translation: I don’t want to waste any 1-on-1 time with this guy who I know I’m not picking, so, he’ll get his time with me in a loud helicopter that he’ll get motion sickness from. Very nice, DeAnna. We didn’t see right through that one. Graham even chimed in: “I predict that Twilley’s time in the helicopter will be awful. Twilley gets motion sickness.” And pretty much it was. It took him a bit to open up the helicopter door, he basically was fighting back puking during the whole flight over, and he had trouble opening up the door to leave. Thanks for coming, Twilley. That’s your alone time with DeAnna for this date. Now why don’t you step back as Graham, Jason, and Jesse all get quality time with her tongue. Well, except Jesse. He seems to be scared of women.

-So they go out riding 4 wheelers in the middle of the desert and DeAnna comments on all four guys and how they performed. She says that Jason was very straight laced and kept going one way. Not surprising. Seems like Jason is very conservative. Probably peels of the crust on his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, separates the food on his plate so they don’t touch each other, and likes the missionary position. Jesse is showing off doing wheelies and completely disobeying the law of not smoking and driving. How do X-gamers like him possibly pass drug tests before competing? Then again, they probably don’t drug test for the X-games since that would kind of defeat the purpose. Twilley is off on his bike doing his own thing which should surprise no one. He seems to march to the beat of his own drum. And the guy playing that drum is a lunatic. I don’t think she really said much about Grahams 4-wheeling other than to probably say he looked hot with a helmet on or something. Seems to be thats the only compliment he gets from her. Probably doesn’t bode well for him in the long run. You know, because looks always go a long way in relationships.

-Time for a pool party back at the hotel where DeAnna can see more of Graham with his shirt off, avoid Twilley like the plague, and get some alone time with Jesse and Jason. Jason is up first and she asks him what it would be like if she went on a hometown date to Seattle. He told her all the wild things they’d do like play pin the tail on the donkey, have cupcakes and milk, and maybe even go to Dave and Buster’s. Actually, he told her she’d get to meet Ty and we’ll get to see him be exploited on national television next week. Here’s my dilemma: I’ve dated women with kids before and not one of them ever introduced me to them on the first date. Nor would I expect them to. So I don’t get why it’s so important for DeAnna to meet Ty? Sure, Ty is a major part of Jason’s life, but, he’s been out with her what, twice? And he’s introducing her to his kid? Why should the rules change for these two? Any woman that introduced me to her kid anytime in the first 2 or 3 months of the relationship would be kinda scary. And let’s be honest, the kid is three. Do you really expect Ty to not like her? What’s he gonna say to the camera, “DeAnna is a meanie and I wish daddy would get rid of her?” Please. We all know what’s coming next week. DeAnna loving Ty, Ty loving DeAnna, Jason loving that Ty and DeAnna loving each other, and one big happy lovefest going on. Don’t expect anything different.

-Jesse gets some time alone with DeAnna who’s questioning how she feels about him. “I definitely feel a friendship connection with Jesse, but I don’t know about a romantic one.” Although she does admit she was turned on by him during the 4-wheel races earlier, so now she wants him to kiss her at the table. And makes it quite known by shoving her face next to his and blinking hysterically. Maybe that’s why he didn’t end up kissing her. He was afraid of the Incredible Blinking Eyelashes. Anybody would be. I’m frightened by them and I’m just sitting at home by myself eating a bag of chips. Maddie even ran to the other room. Well, no she didn’t. She doesn’t watch TV with me. Apparently she’s not a fan of the “Bachelor”, or any other crap I watch. Her job is to lay on the bed all day and sleep. Can’t fault her for that. If she ever decided that, “You know, maybe I’ll go in there and watch TV with him”, I’d be ecstatic. Thrilled, actually. Might even throw her a party. But doesn’t seem like it’s happening anytime soon. I don’t need her watching the “Bachelor” with me anyway. Wouldn’t want to corrupt her with that nonsense. She might start getting a jaded view of women like her master does. There only needs to be one of those in our place.

-Graham steals Sean’s idea and gets DeAnna on a hammock as well. This is the point where DeAnna tells us for the 1,000th time how good looking he is in so many different ways. And since he stoned her on a kiss during their last alone time, seems like she’s not taking no for an answer this time. And yet again, Graham even seems reluctant to share his tongue with her mouth after its been in other people’s mouths. Graham must have a fear of coodies or something. He’s really kind of a wuss. So they kiss and its awkward again. Someone always seems to pull away when the other one isn’t done. I don’t think these two have a good kiss yet. But not according to DeAnna. “I feel like a giddy school girl that gets butterflies in her stomach”. That’s cute. Really, it is. Too bad Graham doesn’t feel the same way. Nor has he ever towards a female for more than 5 months. He can blame it all he wants on moving so much, but that can’t really be the case, can it? Remember, he has done some modeling. In case you haven’t seen it, just go to www.grahambunn.com. He’s beardless in all his pictures just to warn those of you who like the 5 o’clock shadow. And looking quite gay if you ask me.

-The last guy left is Jeremy, and he gets his first 1-on-1 date with DeAnna. Really? That’s their first one? Geez. Seems like they’ve had one before but I guess not. And it must be their first one since Jeremy decided to go with the always masculine pink shirt for their first date. They’re going to have dinner in Frank Sinatra’s old house. Wow. That’s gotta be special. Imagine having a first date with someone in Ol’ Blue Eyes former residence. Magical, I tell ya’. Even Jeremy is taken aback. “Just thinking of all the people that have been through this place is pretty amazing.” You ain’t lying, Jeremy. That was the house where Frankie and Ava Gardner lived. But don’t you think for a second that booze hound and skirt chaser didn’t have a 1,000 other women that rolled through that house at some point. I can only imagine the pick of the litter that guy had to choose from in his heyday. Good looking Italian guy with ties to the mob - you just know he was getting his business done with whoever he wanted and whenever he wanted. Must’ve been pretty cool to be Frank Sinatra in his prime. Who wouldn’t envy a life like that? I’m sure Jeremy and DeAnna were sitting in the same exact seats Frank and any one of his late night hookers had monkey sex in. Ol’ Blue Eyes was one of a kind. And probably only rivaled Wilt Chamberlain in number of women slept with in a lifetime.

-The corny part of the date took place next. DeAnna and Jeremy are forced to sing “The Way You Look Tonight” in a pitch that made Maddie bark for the first time, I think, ever. Why we had to be subjected to these two singing, especially after his horrible performance last week, was beyond me. And you ain’t any better yourself there, sweetcakes. Stick fake meltdowns on camera, you’re better at those. When the awful singing subsided, these two sat down for dinner and Jeremy told her the truth. “I don’t think you’re perfect.” DeAnna: “I’m definitely not.” Jeremy: “But I think you’re perfect for me.” Barf. I couldn’t watch this. Made me sick to my stomach. What’s even worse was the line DeAnna gave the viewing audience in return. “He’s everything that every woman would want. Perfect guy. I want so bad to fall in love with him.” Hey Jeremy, pack your bags. You just got the kiss of death. She started throwing the “Great guy…every woman would want someone like that” line out. I can’t remember the last time those lines were ever uttered then followed up with, “Including me. That’s the guy I want.” It’s usually followed up with a nice, “BUT……just not the one for me.” See, the “every woman would want someone like that” line is ridiculous because if they did, the guy would already be taken. DeAnna seems to have made quite a few “friends” on this show. Can’t wait til the “Men Tell All” episode and we get to hear all their takes on getting thrown into the “friend” zone. Not a fun place to be in. In fact, it sucks ass.

-The men arrive back at DeAnna’s mansion for the rose ceremony but can’t find her. Host Chris (hey, he didn’t lie. We didn’t seem him again til the rose ceremony. Nice to see you Chris. Have fun? Kept busy? Good to hear) informs the guys that since DeAnna is a woman of honor, and since she wants the world to know for the 4,562nd time that she’s not hear to lead anyone on, there won’t be a cocktail party, as she’s already made up her mind who’s going home. She knows who her final four is. Funny. We did too before the episode even started. DeAnna: “Palm Springs so much fun….I already knew my decision….didn’t think it was fair…trying to be fair….I’m not leading you on like it was done to me”. Yes, she actually said it yet again. At the rose ceremony. So yet again, Brad is on her mind. I’m beginning to think once she breaks up with the guy she chose, you know her “husband that’s here”, she’ll start stalking Brad.

Jeremy: I guess pink shirts are a turn on. Well, when they’re worn by Jeremy they are and not by the douche nozzle who pops his collar up.
Jason: I wonder if his hometown date and her playing with Ty will take up over half the show next week?
Graham: DeAnna chews somebody out next week for being “another Brad”. Gee, I wonder who that could be?

Wow. Host Chris did not step in to inform us that there’s only one rose left. I guess he was too busy standing off to the side doing nothing.

Jesse: Don’t be fooled by him getting the last rose. It’s because he didn’t kiss her and has a crooked nose. She likes him. The previews for upcoming episodes prove it. Just watch closely.

Whew. Much better when they’re shorter and I can actually get some sleep. I didn’t look ahead but I’m hoping next week isn’t back to 2 hours. But it probably is. Neither Sean nor Twilley had a meltdown at the end and basically said their goodbyes in a respectful way. Twilley did say he has a unique personality and he’ll make somebody a great husband someday, just not DeAnna. Amen to that, Twilley. You don’t want her anyway. So on the little previews for the hometown dates, here’s what we get:

Jeremy’s family is very intrusive and nosy.
Jason, DeAnna, and Ty roll around frolicking on the grass.
Graham’s family casually mentions he has trouble committing to anyone past 4 weeks.
Jesse takes her snowboarding and she sucks.

Sweet. Can’t wait for that. Any questions, emails, comments, praises, queries, relationship/marriage/sex advice you need, Dr. Reality Steve is getting warmed up in the bullpen. He’s almost ready to bust out. Send all emails to steve@realitysteve.com and maybe yours will get printed and answered in a future column. Until next week….

The Bachelorette Links

34 comments June 17th, 2008

The Bachelorette Recap - 6/9/08

-Let’s get to the matter most of you want to know about, and that’s the Chelsea interview. In case you didn’t check back last week, on Thursday I put up a post saying that interview was killed by lawyers who got involved and basically told Chelsea not do it, for fear of any breach of contract I assume. Some of you are blaming me for promoting the interview in last weeks column, and that’s what drew attention to it. Maybe so, but realistically, it would’ve been killed anyway and been taken down within seconds of going up. Here’s what went down: Chelsea and I spoke May 28th over the phone for a good 45 minutes discussing her coming on and doing a recorded interview for the site. She was all for it, said it wouldn’t be an issue, and told me she would hold absolutely nothing back. The problem was, I was in L.A. at the time and had no way to record it until I got back to Dallas and could get in a studio. So I told her I’d call her back when I got into town, and let’s plan for Tuesday or Wednesday of last week. When I finally got a hold of her, she said her PR team, and lawyers over at ABC, told her it’d be in her best interest not to do the interview. She was very apologetic, really wanted to address questions that she knew people had about what went on, but didn’t want to get sued. Fair enough. I feel it’s my responsibility as a “journalist” not to divulge anything I may have been told about what went on. I’d feel I’d be breaking a promise I made to her and I wouldn’t want to put her in any trouble.

-I cannot fault Chelsea for not being able to do the interview. I doubt any of you would in the same situation. My problem is with ABC and how all this is handled. You see, every week after guys (and girls) get eliminated, they all do a conference call with the media talking about their experience. And usually one or two of those people’s interviews are up on some website within a couple days (www.realitytvworld.com is one of them). Problem is, ABC monitors these calls and if a question gets too intrusive, they don’t allow that person to answer it. So all you get are these softball questions of “How was your experience?”, “Why didn’t DeAnna pick you?”, “What’d you learn?”, yada yada yada. I don’t want to hear that crap and I don’t think anyone does because they’re not being truthful. Maybe they are to a certain extent, but there’s really a lot more to the story than what these people are allowed to say. And that’s the stuff I want to know. Basically, I’m Lt. Caffey in “A Few Good Men”: “I want the truth!” These people eliminated from the show are basically doing what the “Oceanic Six” did at their press conference - lying about their time on the show (island). And that was the stuff I was going to get from Chelsea til ABC came in and killed it. Look, I think I’ve made it quite clear to anyone that reads this column how I feel about this show: it’s a joke. There’s nothing real whatsoever about what we’re seeing. And I’m trying to convert as many of you as possible to believe that along with me. Some of you like living in fantasy worlds and on message boards pretending what you’re seeing on this show is legitimate, and I’m here to tell you it’s not. Hence the reason my column is one big j**k off read. I have fun with it. And so should you. Please, I’m begging you, do not watch this show because you’re looking for two people to fall in love. You’ll be disappointed time and time again. Watch it for pure entertainment value and that’s it. It’s much more fun that way. If you take the show seriously, and you take my column seriously, you are basically missing the point of everything.

-I see where some of you were against hearing from Chelsea for whatever reason, so let me make this clear. She did not come to me. I came to her and asked if she wanted to do an interview. During the course of our conversation, I could tell there were a lot of things she wanted to get off her chest. She’s not whining and complaining about how she was edited, nor is she begging to tell her side of the story. But there were obviously things that occurred that the viewing audience has no idea about and she felt people should make their judgments about her and how she was portrayed after hearing what she had to say. I’m kinda curious as to why so many people are quick to say, “We already know what she’s gonna say anyway”, or “What a sore loser”, or “Go away”. Let me assure you that Chelsea had more to say than anything you’ve already read or heard from her and the last thing she came across as to me was a “sore loser”. She had too many self depricating comments about herself for me to think she was coming across as a sore loser. I’m sure plenty of you will tell me to put my pom-poms down and think I’m just defending her because I talked to her - I can read you people like a book. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. We were definitely going to get into some of the stuff that I criticized her for during the course of the season, namely, why she was so standoff-ish on the boat during her overnight date, and what was the deal with giving us a strip tease for the show? Both of which she had answers for that I felt were sufficient enough reasons. Blame ABC, not her. If ABC had nothing to hide, then why won’t they allow her to do the interview? And not just Chelsea, but anyone who’s on the show? So go ahead ABC. I dare you. Let one of your people do an interview with me. What’s the worst that can happen?

-I’ve realized that because of what I do, and how I write my column, that ABC will never grant me an interview with one of their people because I’m not a “news” site. I’m someone with opinions. And someone that wants to expose their show for all the lies and misrepresentation that it gives us on a weekly basis. Not because I’m a vindictive person, but because I find the stuff that they DON’T show us is a hell of a lot more interesting than what they do show us. Who doesn’t want to know what goes on behind the scenes? You all do. However, by doing this column in its current form, I’m never going to be able to get the kind of interviews that I want to do. So it’s kind of a dilemma. If you go to www.thesmokinggun.com, you’ll find in their archives a copy of Trista’s contract with ABC when she was on the show. Basically, everyone who appears on the show is contractually obligated to them for one year from the time their finale airs. So all interviews and media requests and appearances must all be pre-approved by ABC and their people. So could I interview Chelsea some day for the site with no restrictions? Sure. But it wouldn’t be for a year from now, and by then, it wouldn’t be as interesting anymore, nor would it be relevant. We live in a day and age now with 24 hour news services, and gossip sites all over the place that are putting up pictures of Britney’s va-jay-jay the night after it happens. People nowadays want to know your opinion right after it happens and not a minute later. If I had a tell-all interview with Chelsea a week after she got dumped by Matt, wouldn’t that be much more interesting than if she told me all this stuff a year from now? You’d be like, “Who cares? That’s old news.”

-So that’s where we stand. As far as me getting the interviews that I want to do, it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen because ABC doesn’t want us to see what’s going on behind the curtain. And that’s frustrating. And will ultimately lead to the demise of this column I’m sure. I’ve been at this thing for 6 years doing this just for fun. There’ll come a time I’m sure when I want to start doing more journalistic type stuff. I don’t know when that’ll be, but just know this isn’t gonna go on forever. In the meantime, we’ll all watch the show, laugh at it, make fun of the people on it, and have a jolly good time. Let’s get to it….

-Holy crap! They didn’t start with DeAnna getting dumped by Brad? What? What happened here? Oh yeah, I forgot. ABC reads my column. So whatever I say now, they’re going to do the opposite. I hear ya’. Thanks guys. Glad I have so much influence. We start out with Robert, Jason, and Fred headed up to the mansion because they got roses last week. All 9 bags of douche are told that there will b