Letâ€™s get right to it. A very interesting â€œIdolâ€ last night. My expectations were rather low going in. I mean, Queen? Whatâ€™s next week? Black Sabbath? Quiet Riot? I just donâ€™t understand on the most watched show on television, you focus all eight songs on a band that really isnâ€™t that popular anymore. Theyâ€™ve got classic songs, but to choose Queen with only eight contestants left was rather surprising. Onto the showâ€¦
-The one thing I will say Bucky does better than any of the contestants is switch that microphone from hand to hand. Boy is he good at that. And nothing else. Iâ€™ve had just about enough of Bucky. Nice guy, means well, fun at parties, but no business even making the final twelve. Yeeeeeeee-hah!
-The USA Today yesterday had the songs that the contestants were going to sing yesterday morning. The two that jumped out at me were Ace and Kellie. â€œWe Will Rock Youâ€? Thatâ€™s a chant, not a song. Who thought that was remotely entertaining. To quote Randy in weeks past, â€œIn the end, this is a singing competition.â€ How can we judge Ace on his singing when he sang about ten seconds of that song. Horrible choice. And he continues to be the most overrated performer on this show. And the one who wears the most blush on his cheek.
-Is there a reason the makeup crew ran amuck with the eyeliner last night. Kellie looked like a drugged out hooker. And for God knows what reason, even Chris got into the act darkening up his eyes. Some of these wardrobe/makeup choices are head scratchers. Chris, youâ€™re a dude. Quit wearing eyeliner.
-One thing going for Ace last night? Some high schooler in the audience had an, â€œAce will you go to the prom with me?â€ sign. Awwwwwâ€¦.how cute. Worst part is, heâ€™ll probably consider it. And enjoy himself. In the backseat of the limo. With a high schooler. Ace is very manly.
-As good of a singer as Chris is, why am I always distracted by the multitude of lights that are flashing behind him all the time? Can we not have that anymore please? Iâ€™m going blind just watching him sing. Or maybe its just from punching my clown too much.
-I thought Kellie singing â€œBohemian Rhapsodyâ€ would be a complete disaster. Especially after seeing Constantine nail it like he did last season. She was in a no-win situation. It wasnâ€™t nearly as good as his, and pretty mediocre if you ask me, but it wasnâ€™t as horrible as I thought it would be. Itâ€™s just a song that needs to be sung by a guy. A girl singing that song just doesnâ€™t sound right. What a chauvinistic pig. Woops. Now Iâ€™m typing what I think people are saying about me.
-Last week we get Rachel Bilson, this weekâ€¦..Camryn Manheim? WHAT? Who invited her? Sheâ€™s not even on a Fox show. Nor was she ever on a Fox show. Boooooooooo. And oh yeah, that dude from the Monkeez was there too. Wow. They really went after the A-listers this week, huh? Canâ€™t wait tilâ€™ we see Belinda Carlisle and Susanna Hoffs there next week.
-I enjoyed Katharine last night. She was good. A little slow in the beginning, but when she got going, I really enjoyed myself. And her performance wasnâ€™t bad either.
-No sexual gyrations that would make moms on â€œCheerleader Nationâ€ have a nervous breakdown, but Paris did come with the bustier this week. Great. I wonder if Parisâ€™ parents approve of her act up on stage. They will once she comes home with a boyfriend ten years older than her.
-Have you seen this show? Itâ€™s on the Lifetime Channel on Friday nights. Pure brilliance. Follows the cheer squad at Dunbar High School in Kentucky as they make their way to Nationals in Florida. I went to a high school in Southern California where cheerleading was big and our squad competed in Nationals every year , so even as a male, even I get a kick out of this show. Can you hang on a second? Thanksâ€¦â€¦.ok, Iâ€™m back. I just had to check to see if I still owned a penis. Still there. Whew.
-Last week the girls had to sell tickets to the winter formal to raise money for their trip. Or something along those lines. I wasnâ€™t paying that close attention to anything other than the spectacle that was watching high school girls shop from formal dresses. Holy sh**. Sometimes I find myself wondering why women are difficult sometimes and this scene pretty much solidified that for me. You realize you people are insane when it comes to shopping for clothes, donâ€™t you? Insane, I say. Thereâ€™s no other explanation for the behavior that exudes when youâ€™re walking through the bottom floor at Robinsonâ€™s May. None. There are very few things I donâ€™t like doing with a woman, but shopping is #1-10 on my list. Iâ€™d much rather give myself an enema than shop with you people. Iâ€™m sorry.
-Weâ€™re in a no-win situation. If you ask our opinion on something, and it differs from yours, you donâ€™t agree with us and create arguments. Then if we say we like something, you say, â€œYouâ€™re just saying that because you want to leave.â€ Exactly. And then you throw a hissy fit and say we donâ€™t care about your likes and wants and needs andâ€¦..AAAAAAHHHHHH!!! Sorry. Moment of weakness. Just know to never go shopping with me unless youâ€™re from this planet.
-So â€œCheerleader Nationâ€ quite possibly could deserve its own column, thatâ€™s how good it is. But I honestly think that if I reviewed that show on a weekly basis, bad things would happen to me. Really bad things. Itâ€™s only bad karma. Might as well just tell me to start collecting unemployment since I know the termination from my job would be happening any minute. I can just predict these things.
****Quick note: If you havenâ€™t watched this weeks episode and donâ€™t want to be spoiled, do not continue reading*********
-First time Iâ€™ve spent any significant amount of time talking about â€œ24â€, and for good reason. Itâ€™s the best show on television and has been for quite some time. You think my reality TV obsession is bad? Pales in comparison to â€œ24â€. Put it this way: Iâ€˜ve recently ordered vanity license plates with a â€œ24â€œ reference on it. See. Told you. Not to mention the hooded sweatshirt, the long sleeve t-shirt, the â€œCTUâ€ hat, etc. Oh yeah. I raided the online store. Itâ€™s a sick obsession I know.
-So Kiefer has signed a three year, eight figure deal through May of 2009 with Fox to remain on as Jack Bauer and start his own production company. Outstanding. Gee, and all this time I thought he was going to die soon. Iâ€™ve read a couple interviews where Kiefer expresses that he thinks what attracts people to the show is its real time format and that the show could survive without him. Uhhhh, wrong. The real time aspect is definitely a major role as to why the show is so original and likable, but the minute they kill off Jack Bauer is the minute they lose half their audience. Easy. You canâ€™t replace him, you canâ€™t slowly phase him out, you canâ€™t groom someone else to be the next Jack. No. Sorry. Just let Jack be Jack and kill everyone else around him. Until the last episode of the show when Iâ€™m sure Jack will finally meet his maker.
-Whoever thought a weenie like President Logan could mastermind todayâ€™s events? Great twist. Nothing in this show will ever compare to Nina turning out to be a mole, but making the leader of the United States the villain was pretty ballsy (Do I need to define â€œballsyâ€ for you Kellie?). Itâ€™s amazing how they can continue to outdo themselves. Nina being the mole can never be topped just because no one saw it coming, and now going into every season, immediately people start speculating, â€œWell, which one do you think is the mole?â€ Thereâ€™s not one person they could ever shock us with being a villain as much as Nina shocked us. No way. People are looking for it now.
-With the show signed on for another three seasons, I definitely think theyâ€™re going to keep around some of the regulars for the time being. Outside of Jack, the only mainstays for even the last two seasons are Chloe, Curtis, Buchanan, Audrey, Pierce, and Mike. Iâ€™m guessing Logan will be out of office next season. So that core of seven, which includes Jack, I would think, will be around for a while. And when I say a â€œwhileâ€, it probably means middle of next season when Chloe will probably blow someone away with an uzi. Only in â€œ24â€.
-I have a feeling that weâ€™re still in for more twists and turns during these last seven episodes. I think weâ€™ve seen the last of Kim, but I wouldnâ€™t be surprised if Henderson has her holed up somewhere to use as leverage. If she doesnâ€™t come back at all this season, then those two episodes were pretty much a waste. Whyâ€™d they even do it? Was it that important to tell us Kim thinks her dad is a walking bad luck charm? Something tells me sheâ€™ll make another appearance.
-While Season Three has been good, itâ€™s not nearly as good as Seasons One or Two. I mean, how many times are Marissa and Ryan breaking up, getting back together, breaking up, getting back together, etc. And why heâ€™d keep going back to her anyway never makes any sense. Those two need to stay away from each other as much as possible. Then Iâ€™ll be happy.
-Summer and Seth are over? Really? Yeah. Iâ€™m sure they are. For about four or five episodes. Youâ€™re crazy if you think theyâ€™re keeping those two apart. Hell, they probably have it written into their contracts they must not be broken up for more than 6-8 episodes. Of course, once Adam and Rachel begin to hate each other in real life, then all bets are off.
-I think we need more Taylor Townsend. Did anyone happen to catch her full lace panty and bra picture layout in â€œStuffâ€ magazine? Or was it â€œMaximâ€? Or â€œFHMâ€? Whatever. I mix all of them up. Great pictorial. Although, I only got to look at it once. The pages got stuck together somehow. Damnâ€¦uhhhhâ€¦.dog.
-Weâ€™re back with another exciting edition of â€œDear Amyâ€. This was in todays â€œCalendarâ€ section of the LA Timesâ€¦.
â€œI have been married for 20 years and love my husband and children.
I became emotionally involved with a man I work with. We shared intimate details of our lives, and I feel that he listened to me in a way my husband never could.
My husband discovered this relationship and we began marriage counseling. I vowed to him that I would sever this relationship but have found that to be impossible.
I am miserable about continuing to deceive my husband and disappointed in my lack of willpower.
Could this behavior be considered an addiction?
An addiction? Sure. Youâ€™re addicted to sex with your new man. Hereâ€™s my advice: Continue the relationship with the co-worker. Those always work out for the best in the end. The other partner never ends up spreading rumors about you once things finally end. And things never get awkward around the office after you walk by and people start giggling and looking at you. And very rarely does one of you, if not both of you, either get fired or get a new job because working conditions get so uncomfortable. So keep it going. Youâ€™re a great mother, a great wife, you deserve to give up the extra nookie on the side. No one thinks youâ€™re an addict at all.
You know, itâ€™s people like this that drive me crazy. Now, even though she didnâ€™t use names, did she ever think for a moment her husband might pick up the paper and read that? Didnâ€™t she just spill that sheâ€™s still sleeping with this co-worker while still in marriage counseling?
Thatâ€™s some vow she made to her husband. What a loyal woman. Hey, where can I find one like her? My favorite line: â€œHe listened to me in a way my husband never couldâ€. Translation: Someone new started paying attention to me so I gave up the ass. Happens all the time, Bewildered. ALL the time.
-Email of the Week: This comes from Kasey F. in Connecticutâ€¦
â€œHow can you call yourself Italian if you had no idea how big Italian dinners really were? Iâ€™m beginning to wonder about you, Reality Steve. Keep up the good work.â€
Well, I am Italian, but Iâ€™m not ITALIAN Italian if you know what I mean. Confused? Ok, letâ€™s just say I donâ€™t drive a Camaro, I donâ€™t shower in cologne, I donâ€™t grease my hair back, and I donâ€™t have a piece of jewelry around my neck and on every finger. So basically, Iâ€™m unlike any single guy I saw last week in New York. That was frightening.
– â€œReality Steve Factâ€: I eat a footlong tuna sandwich on wheat bread from Subway at least three times a week.
Back next week with a brand new columnâ€¦.