Reality Steve

Reality Roundup

Reality Roundup 3/20/09

I told you on Wednesday I had some news about how you readers would be able to get involved with the site, well, now’s your chance. In addition to the “Reality Roundup” column which currently appears every Friday, I want to add a mailbag section where I either answer your questions on the site, or do it in podcast form. Mostly I would like to basically answer any questions you may have regarding the TV that you watch. Even if it’s a show I don’t watch, trust me, I’ll still have an answer for you. Might not actually answer your question per se, but I will have an answer. So you have a week to get all your questions in, and they will appear next Friday, either in the column, or in a podcast. The “Reality Roundup” will still be a column, but depending on how many questions there are to answer, I might just do that on a podcast. Let’s get started this week.

“Dancing with the Stars”

-I forgot to tell everyone my Holly Madison story last week. About nine years ago, when I was working for a sports radio station in Los Angeles, during football season, every Monday night, we broadcasted from the Hooters restaurant in Santa Monica. Wonderful establishment I tell ya’. Food couldn’t be better. Anyway, for 16 straight weeks, our station was in there every Monday night, so to say I didn’t start recognizing some of the waitresses would be an understatement. One I actually got to attend a USC/UCLA game with me. No, not because I had any game, but because I basically bribed her. Good times. So the point of this story is, there was always this roller skating waitress in there on Mondays. She was the only one who’d roller skate around the whole place, took orders, delivered food, delivered drinks, all on her roller skates. Rather impressive I thought. Well, fast forward about five years later, or whenever “Girls Next Door” started, and by golly, I realized the roller skating waitress ended up being Holly Madison (I’m sure that’s her real name too). Just to make sure, I looked up her bio online, and yep, specifically said she used to work at the Santa Monica Hooters as a roller skating waitress. I knew she had more talent other than being able to milk old men for their money and lie on her back.

-Did you see Maxsim’s interview with last week? Basically said he thinks it’s unfair that Melissa is in the competition because of her dance background. Do I agree? Of course it’s unfair. It’s pretty obvious after two weeks who the best dancer on that show is. However, Max really doesn’t have a lot of room to bitch since he had Mel B. as a partner once. She had a dance background as well and they got to the finals. This shouldn’t be a surprise to these people. They’re eight seasons in and they do it every single season. Two or three people on the show have some sort of dance background that isn’t in ballroom. Why someone would complain about this is now is beyond me. This isn’t anything new. I think he’s more upset that his fiancée, you know the one who was doinking Mario Lopez about six months ago, got stuck with a crappy partner. Oh well. No worries, Max. Ladies still love you.

-I liked Jewel’s performance Wednesday night. The more I watch Jewel, and the more I watch Ty Murray, I find myself asking in this question, “What the hell does she see in that guy?” Because he rides bulls? I think it’s safe to say she’s completely out of his league in the looks department. He definitely traded up to whoever he was dating before. Other than that little dental issue she has going. Man, how did he “lasso” her heart? Get it? Lasso? I’m hilarious really.

-Sad to hear that Cougar Carrie Ann dumped her boyfriend recently. Maybe the fact that she could’ve been his mother might’ve had something to do with it. Or that he was some scrub on one of the early seasons of “So You Think You Can Dance”. Whatever the case, she’s now back on the market and ready to prey on more 21 year olds. Carrie Ann suffers from the “Warren Sapp Disease”. You know what that is? It’s people that constantly laugh at their own jokes. Hell, it’s not even jokes. They just constantly laugh at the end of every sentence that comes out of their mouth. You know these people. They’re quite annoying. So no matter if she makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside with her 40 year old self, she bugs when she laughs at the end of every sentence. I remember liking Carrie Ann when she was a “Fly Girl” on “In Living Color”. She was the only “Fly Girl” I ever remembered. Jennifer Lopez had nothing on her back in the day.

-Nice to see Kathy Griffin supporting her ex-boyfriend Steve Wozniak. Ha ha. Kathy Griffin. Steve Wozniak. Gee, you think she was possibly into him for the money? Nah, no way. Women never do that. Yet once again proves the theory that there is no such thing as an unattractive man with money. If you’ve got money, you can pull skirt. Not saying Kathy Griffin is attractive of anything, but please, Steve Wozniak? If that guy was making $30k a year, you think he’d ever get laid? Me neither.

-I like how Tom Bergeron told us this week, “According to the rules, you must judge Steve-O based on his dress rehearsal routine.” Huh? This show has rules? Since when? This show has been on eight seasons now, and I’m guessing that 99% of the people watching still can’t tell you how the scoring is tabulated on this show. Yes, I know it’s the judges scores combined with the viewer voting, but what does that mean? They’ve never explained HOW combining the two scores gives the results it gives. “Idol” is pretty simple. Lowest amount of votes leaves. “DWTS” still has me scratching my head. Steve and Karina had the lowest judges scores, yet Belinda and Jonathon went home. Which means Steve and Karina fared better with the audience. Ok fine. But if they scored a 16 out of 30, and Belinda scored an 18 or 19, where’s the mathematical formula that puts Steve and Karina ahead of them? Forget it. I’m done trying to calculate this anymore. We all know who’s going to the finals anyway.

-I’m sure Karina is happy she’ll be done early this season, even though Max isn’t, since it’ll give her time to plan their wedding. How long do we give the Max/Karina marriage to last? A year? Two years? I’m guessing it won’t be too long. As for the rest of this season, I believe it’s fair to say that our final three will be Shawn, Naked Guy, and Melissa, right? I mean, really. Is there anyone else who even has a chance to break into that top three? Not only because they’re the three best dancers, but they’re probably the three most liked. Naked Guy gets the womens votes because he’s the best looking male on the show. Melissa for obvious reasons that America already is pulling for her. And Shawn because she’s so cute you want to fold her up, put her in your pocket, and take her home. I can’t see anyone else even coming close to cracking the top three the rest of the season.

-And check out page 56 of “In Touch” weekly with Jessica Simpson on the cover this week. You’ll get your very own quotes from me regarding the conspiracy theory that ABC purposely had Jewel and Nancy O’Dell bail out so they could get Melissa on the show. Sorry. Don’t believe it for a second.

“American Idol” Results Show

-Not bad, huh? I nailed who the bottom three were going to be in Wednesday’s column, although I had the wrong person going home. However, if you follow my Twitter account (RealitySteve), you’ll know that ten minutes into the results show on Wednesday, I said that I felt Alexis was headed home. I was shocked that Seacrest said at the very open of the show, “I think you’ll be surprised as to tonight’s results”. Well geez, when they showed us Michael, Allison, and Alexis in the bottom three, isn’t it logical to think that the only one we’d be surprised to see leave at that point would be Alexis?

-So much for the new “twist” saving Alexis. Too early. Simon made it too obvious. When Alexis was announced as the one with the fewest votes, and Simon said, “You’re the one we were thinking of saving”, it was rather obvious they weren’t going to save her. Why would he have just given it away before she sang? And if the bottom vote getter has one last chance to try and impress the judges, how can they do that singing the exact same song that sent them home the night before? The only reason the “veto” is in there, is if Adam, Danny, Lil Rounds, or Matt happens to be the bottom vote getter before the Final 5. I said Alexis was part of that group on Wednesday, but there was no way they were using their only “veto” on Week 2 of the finals. If Alexis lasted a few more weeks and got the lowest votes let’s say when it was down to 7 people, then they would’ve used it then. But this early, by using it, they weren’t protected later on if one of the “favorites” happened to get the lowest votes. And lets face it, Alexis is still one of the top five singers on the show this year, she just had a bad week.

-In case you didn’t know, Carrie Underwood and Alien Travis’ performance is actually filmed on Tuesday night after the contestants perform then they try to play it off as live on Wednesday. But I think most people know better. During their performance, they dimmed the lights on the judges so you wouldn’t be able to tell, but those like me who care about this sort of stuff know that Simon wore a black shirt on Tuesday, and white shirt on Wednesday. Well, during Carrie and Aliens performance, even though the lights were dimmed, you could see Simon had on his black shirt, which proved the performance wasn’t live on Wednesday night. Even Seacrest changes into what he’s going to be wearing Wednesday night to introduce the act. Brad Paisley’s performance was done live on Wednesday. Not so much for Carrie and Alien Head.

-I said it last week and I’ll say it again: They’ve got to get rid of the group performance to kick off the show Wednesday nights. It’s so obvious the thing is lip synched, its horribly choreographed, and frankly, it seems like it would be a detriment to people wanting to go out and by tickets to the “Idol” Concert Tour. “Here’s a glimpse of what they’ll all look like lip synching together and awkwardly dancing around on stage! Coming soon to an arena near you!” Gee, can I buy my tickets now?

“Celebrity Apprentice”

-Here’s an editing note for you: In the first episode of the season, Tom Green’s beard looked like a homeless man. Then he cut it in the 2nd episode and it was a little more clean shaven. Well, after getting eliminated in Sunday nights episode, as he’s walking out to the car to take him away, did you notice how his beard was being back to rivaling the Unabombers? Unless you were looking closely during those three seconds he took to make the trip to the car, you probably didn’t. They film all those people getting eliminated at the very beginning of the season so as not to throw anyone off. That’s why they all have trenchcoats on to cover up what they’re wearing since they won’t know what they’ll be wearing the night they get eliminated. Tricky stuff.

-This Sunday’s show they’re advertising Dennis Rodman’s meltdown. Which is great, since I’m fully expecting it to be a fake, contrived one. The point is, when Dennis and Tom were battling it out in the boardroom last Sunday, you knew Dennis wasn’t going home because in the early season previews, they showed Dennis having a meltdown on Clint, yet, that hadn’t happened yet. So it was obvious Dennis wasn’t going home. I thought Mark Burnett was better than that. Why give something away that early? Who does he think he is, Mike Fleiss? Then again, after seeing this week that Mark Burnett has decided to sign on a be the one to produce Audrina Patridge’s next reality show, I’m starting to question his sanity. That shocks me. For some reason, he sees some sort of talent in her and wants to be behind her next project. Or maybe just wants to be behind her. I sure would.

-Kind of in the same way I like at the Jewel/Ty Murray marriage, which is, “How the hell are these two together?”, I find myself asking the same thing when I look at Jesse James. This guy gets to nail Sandra Bullock on a nightly basis? Really? Who did he have to pay off to do this? The guy has zero personality, he’s tatted up everywhere, and he buttons all his flannel shirts to the top button. He bugs me, I’m sorry. I’ve never seen one episode of “American Chopper” and I don’t plan on it. I guess Sandra is in to the bad boys, but I never would’ve guessed that. Oh well.

-Remember before the “Celebrity Apprentice” came along, the old “Apprentice” had all the contestants living together at the Trump Towers? Ha ha, like these people would ever agree to come on the show if they had to live with everyone else. This is what makes me hate Hollywood people. The fact that none of them would ever agree to do a “Celebrity Survivor”, and that they would never live with each other on this show. How much better would the show be if we actually got to see them interacting with one another in the morning over coffee. Dennis would absolutely lose it on people, no doubt. Not to mention, he’d be trying to get in Brande Roderick or Natalie Gulbis’ pants every night. C’mon people. That’s what we want to see. But when they’re allowed to go wherever they’re staying at the end of every night, what fun is that?

Back on Wednesday with your “American Idol” recap, plus an update on a charity event I’ve been asked to attend. Bear with us on the comments section, it should be up and running soon. Any questions, comments, emails, criticisms, praises, and all your questions for our “mailbag” debut next Friday, email me at Ask anything you wanted TV/Hollywood/Celebrity related. See you next week. Take care.

1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. fromichelle

    April 6, 2009 at 8:39 PM

    Good God, you really think Holly has more talent than that??? I think she should go back to the roller skates!

    Aren’t Jewel and Ty a match made in heaven? Both of them with their stick figures, their matching snaggletoothes and their boring facial expressions…

    I agree about doing the same song to save yourself, too. Wouldn’t it have been a beautiful thing if instead of repeating “Jolene,” which the judges didn’t like, Alexis broke in to “When He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood, (which the judges said she should have done?) Now, THAT would have saved her ass!

    Celebrity Apprentice…

    Why would admitting that they tape those departure sequences throw anyone off? I don’t get it.

    And, Jesse, by the way, is awesome!

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