Reality Steve

The Bachelorette 5 - Jillian

The Bachelorette 5 Recap – 7/13/09

-Lets get to a few things before starting last night’s recap. In case you’ve been under a rock since last Tuesday, you’ll see that I conducted an interview with Wes Hayden last Wednesday night. Good stuff, and regardless of how you feel about the guy, you should probably listen to it. No need to go over all your comments and reaction at this point. But just one thing I wanted to point out. Out of an hour and twenty five minutes of talking, a lot of you seem to be stuck on the fact that he said he didn’t watch the show anymore but knew about all his edits. Let me explain: I’ve seen four episodes of “Jon and Kate Plus Eight”, yet if someone asked if I watch the show, I’d say “no”. Wes obviously has watched bits and pieces of this season, but he doesn’t strap himself down every Monday night and go through each 120 minute episode with a magnifying glass. If you heard the interview, it was obvious he was in and out of last weeks episode, especially what they showed on the dinner date. But he was aware of what he said in the limo afterwards. Yes, he’s seen the episodes. All of them from beginning to end pausing and rewinding his parts? No. Lets move on.

-Here is the schedule for the remainder of the season for those that don’t know. Next Monday is the “Men Tell All” that was filmed this past Saturday in L.A. On Monday night the 27th is the 2 hour season finale. The next night, Tuesday the 28th, will be the “After the Final Rose” show. No, Wes did not attend the “MTA” taping. Neither did Reid, Ed, or Kiptyn (more on that in a bit). Wes didn’t want to go and ABC didn’t want him there for the reasons we went over in the interview. They knew they wouldn’t be able to “control” his answers and didn’t want the truth getting out, so they told him to stay home. He’s essentially a loose cannon at this point and he could only hurt them instead of help. As far as the final three, this is the first time in shows history that the guy who was eliminated at #3 (Reid) didn’t attend the “MTA” taping. The “MTA” taping is always the weekend right before the episode airs where that person goes home. Jeremy did the “MTA” taping last year, then was eliminated two nights later when the episode aired. This is a first in Bachelor history. So why wasn’t Reid at the “MTA” taping?

-The major thing to discuss with the “MTA” taping, I think, is the fact that now they have a 2 hour episode next week WITHOUT arguably the most hated bachelor in recent memory, Wes, and the guy that got let go at #3, Reid. I can guarantee you they will replay all of Wes’ quotes, and everyone will attack him. That’s pretty much a given. They’re pissed at Wes for talking to me and other stations, and that’ll be the lasting impression that the show gives him. Bottom line. Is a show with Dave, Juan, Jake, Tanner, and Sasha really going to be that entertaining? I highly doubt it. Hence the reason Jason and Molly were brought back to talk about their undying love for each other. We’ll get bloopers, a report from the “Bachelor/ette” reunion in Vegas a couple months ago, and Jillian talking about her experience. DeAnna even mentioned a couple weeks ago that she filmed a piece that is supposed to air next week as well. Was I at the “MTA” taping? No, I wasn’t. But it doesn’t mean I’m not aware of things. Lets just say that there is something I’m still working out the details on about the “MTA” tapings that I’ll have later this week. Just want to make sure I have everything in order before I possibly run with this. I’d say it’s fairly big.

-And finally, nice to see Jason and Molly are now helping out other single people. Just what we need, those two giving dating advice. Check out this link:

Jason & Molly Join the “Matchmaking Flight”

Wow. I mean, ummmm, wow. Gee, those who book in the next 24 hours only have to pay $580? What a deal! I wonder what the price goes up to after that? So a 12 hour flight is going to have an “open bar and speed dating”? I can only imagine that a plane with 300 passengers openly serving alcohol all flight with the intention of these people hooking up at some point is going to smell wonderful by the time it lands. Booze, used condoms, and sex. Why not just allow them all to smoke if they want as well? Are they really going to fill up this plane with enough people to do this? That’d be pretty funny if there’s like 12 people on the plane and they have to listen to Jason and Molly’s boring stories about how they didn’t fall in love at first, but then Jason “changed his mind” while engaged to someone else after he was texting and calling Molly behind his fiancés back. Ahhhh, true love. That’s how it starts for all of us. Good thing that flight isn’t headed to Australia on Oceanic Flight 815. That would be creepy. Now, on to last nights show.

-Before Kiptyn arrives, we see the (ahem) lovely Jillian strolling the beaches in Maui in her yellow and white bikini, frolicking in the water, and writing stupid messages in the sand that’ll be washed away by a wave the second she leaves. “J & ?” Really? Are you in 4th grade? How corny was that? Actually, maybe she was still thinking of last season and that could’ve stood for “Who the hell did Jason really want to be with?” Whatever the case, the whole scene was lame and contrived. And the yellow and white bikini didn’t do much for me. In fact, nothing she wears does anything for me. But that shouldn’t be news to anyone who’s followed this column all season. If I don’t like her, I don’t like her. I can find something about each of the previous bachelorettes that I found appealing, yet honestly, I can’t think of one for Jillian. Can’t stand her voice, doesn’t have any figure, she drinks like a fish, she lives in Canada, and well, she’s a horrible kisser. Other than that, she’s perfect. An absolute 10. The woman I’d want to marry. As for the others:

Trista: My favorite woman in the whole world. I love her to death. Minus the baby talk.
Meredith: Wait, Meredith was the “Bachelorette”? Yikes. Uhhhh, she was tall?
Jen: Well, she was my favorite during Firestone’s season. Her season? Not so much. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
DeAnna: C’mon now. DeAnna’s like, my best friend, right? It’s like we’re soulmates. Never have a bad thing to say about her. Ha ha. I kill myself sometimes.

-Kippy shows up in Maui and does the trendy thing to do now on these 1-on-1 dates and that’s run to the girl and pick her up. When did this become the thing to do? I can’t remember the last time I picked up a girl and spun her around when hugging her. Then again, I haven’t appeared in any chick flicks recently either. I love the ropes course that these two did. Like this was some big accomplishment. What were they, 30 feet off the ground? Anybody catch the “Duel 2” this season? I’d say those challenges put anything Jillian and Kiptyn were doing to shame. Walking some steps 30 feet above the ground? Pssssht. Try hanging upside down holding on to your partners arms over a cliff. Or standing on a plank suspended above water and having to spell tough words like “throne”. Nice one, Brad. Although, couldn’t Brad have asked, “Is it ‘thrown’ or ‘throne’?” I was shocked this was never addressed. Regardless, he’s an idiot for spelling either one “t-h-r-o-n”. Congrats on picking a real winner there, Tori.

-Oooooohhhh, now it’s time to move over to the big one, the Leap of Faith. I’m biting my nails. Don’t know if I can take the pressure that comes along with this one. You’re strapped in to a harness, there’s ZERO chance for serious injury, yet Jillian is acting like she’s about to go skydiving. Don’t fall Jillian. You might scrape your knee jumping from a whopping 3 feet off the ground. Be careful. So the Leap of Faith consisted of climbing up a pole, then jumping off and grabbing the trapeze positioned away from them. From there, they’d end up joining the circus and go by the name of the “Uninteresting Duo”. Anybody watch these two and just think to yourself, “What a ridiculously boring couple.” I certainly do. There’s nothing about these two together that gets my relationship pants all excited. At least with Reid he’s kinda quirky, and Ed is just all over the map. Kiptyn bores the piss out of me, sorry. Being the athletic guy he is, Kiptyn easily grabs the trapeze while Jillian I believe jumped maybe 6 centimeters off the pole before falling. Nice effort, J. Yet another quality you don’t have: athleticism.

-Over dinner, these two are discussing their possible lives together and Jillian asks him if he has any flaws whatsoever. Kip: “Impatience. I have low patience. I could probably deal better with bumps in the road. I’ve usually got one foot in and one out in relationships. Probably hasn’t been too fair.” Yeah, I’d say so. And since Jillian is about to bash your skull with a pineapple if you don’t tell her exactly how you feel about her, or if you’ll be on bended knee anytime soon, this isn’t a good sign. Didn’t Jillian say a few episodes ago that she just kinda “goes with the flow and doesn’t need to be told all the time about how much he likes me”? Yet, that’s all she does is grill these guys into submission as to whether or not they’re into her, how much they’re into her, etc. Maybe she’s just fishing for compliments, or maybe she is INCREDIBLY insecure. I’ll go with the latter. Lets face it, I’m guessing a girl like Jillian has never had this many guys showing interest in her at one time. Or pretending to at least. She admits she’s not a runway model and doesn’t have DD’s, or is a busty blonde, so I’m guessing that’s where her insecurity lies. Well, that and the fact that ABC is kicking themselves that Melissa turned them down this season.

-Kip: “I know you’re someone I can a life with.” After he says this, the date card shows up, and of course Jillian doesn’t forgo a 2nd chance to spend the night with Kip. I mean, he’s out of her league, right? So she needs to do everything in her power to lasso him in and make sure he doesn’t date women ten times better looking than she is. Good luck with that. For the sake of the show, lets just hope these two don’t end up together. After what happened last season, this show doesn’t need to transition into “America’s Most Boring Couple”. She can’t possibly end up with this guy, can she? And we’d have to hear updates about their life in future “Women Tell All” or “Where Are They Now” shows? God help us all. Then we’d have to see them continuously not know how to kiss each other in front of all of America. We will all lead better lives if these two don’t end up together. Lets put our hands together and now pray for that to happen. Amen.

-Reid is up next and Jillian is anxiously awaiting his arrival. I guess since Reid didn’t run to meet her, that didn’t score him any points. I’m sure Jillian’s warped thought process was, “Well, he didn’t run to me. Does he like me? Does he want to marry me? What if I choose him and he says no? Does he even know my name? Can I badger him more on how much he likes me?” Or something like that. Anyway, when Jillian greets him while holding the all-important beach ball. Because nothing says “fun in the sun” like a beach ball. That was seriously the stupidest thing I think I’ve seen all season. After they embrace, just to the two of them standing 10 feet apart throwing and kicking a beach ball to each other. Huh? Who came up with that idea? “I know, lets throw a beach ball to each other like we’re 3 years old. That’ll definitely bring us closer together.” If what happened at the end of the date with Ed wasn’t ridiculous, this took the cake for the episode. And still might’ve been the dumbest thing I’ve seen.

-Next, these two take a helicopter ride over Maui and find out that an ordained minister is actually the one flying it. Wow! What a coincidence! Of course, Reid wants none of it since he’s scared of commitment. For now, anyway. They land and have a picnic at the Hanna Maui Resort. Reid loves this place, “If I were to pick a place to live, it’d be right here.” Not saying much considering the guy lives in Philly. Now there’s a city I have been to so I guess now I’m allowed to call it one giant dump. Hmmmm, Philly or Maui? Tough one. Do I go with the polluted, crime infested, hell hole, or live on the beach in 85 degree weather all year? Anyway, Jillian jumps in immediately and asks him, “Hey, you gonna marry me?” I think. Reid responds with immediate hesitation of, “This is a first for me, I feel rushed, it’s hard for me, and I’m slower at this kind of stuff.” Translation: For Christ sakes, back off woman! Can a brotha’ get some air here? If we’re meant to be together, it’ll happen. I just kinda need more than six weeks before throwing a ring on someone. Geez.

-Shockingly, Jillian admits, “I need him to tell me how he’s feeling.” Really? Never could’ve guessed that. And this whole time, I thought you’ve been totally secure with each guy’s feelings and where you stand with all of them. She also informs Reid that as much as she’s love to stay in Canada, she’d move to Philly. Look, I know that I’ve been hard on Canada this season, but hey, not even I would take Philly over Vancouver. No thanks. I’ll buy my milk in bags and learn the metric system before dealing with Philadelphians any day of the week and twice on Sunday. They are quite the angry bunch, aren’t they? But Jillian isn’t done pressuring Reid. “I need you to think about everything if you’re ready to propose.” Reid: “Would I propose at the end of this? Maybe? Possibly. I’m indecisive. In life.” Yeah, probably not the answer Ms. Let-me-know-now-or-else-you’re-dead-to-me wants to hear. Reid, run for your life. Her insecurity will drive you up a wall. It’s doing it to me, that’s for sure.

-Man, it just doesn’t end with her. Jillian: “I’m not getting the answers I need, but I can see he’s trying.” Oh, well then “A” for effort for Reid. I’m sure he took consolation in that as he was sent away in his limo. He’s definitely trying, but with you nagging the hell out of him pushing for immediate answers, I’m guessing he’s a little put off by it. Reid: “So hard to just throw the ‘L’ word around. It could be at some point in the future.” See, here’s where Jillian is being completely unrealistic. She’s actually falling into the trap of believing the hype of this show. It’s like she’s so hell bent on getting proposed to that she’s missing the complete picture. I understand that she doesn’t want to make a mistake and pick a guy who might not be ready, but honestly, who really is ready after such a short time frame? Why can’t Reid’s answer of basically, “Look, I like you. I like where this is headed, and it could possibly turn into love down the road” be good enough? One guy has proposed after six weeks and the marriage ended up working, and that’s Ryan. None of these guys come across as ready to be married. And neither does Jillian. She seems to want to be married for the sake of being married, regardless of who it’s with.

-So after a day of badgering the witness, Jillian and Reid decide to relax back in the hotel suite by stripping off all their clothes (or at least the ones we saw lying on the floor), and take a bubble bath together. Was that necessary? A bubble bath? So uncomfortable watching those two seemingly naked in a tub together. I mean, they weren’t really naked, were they? Scary thought. If they were, and Reid were any sort of man whatsoever, the minute the cameras stopped rolling, or went out of the room, he would’ve said, “Screw this, we’re getting in the shower. Enough of this bubble nonsense.” However, something tells me they just talked the night away sipping on champagne in a bubble bath. Couldn’t they at least have sat side-by-side? Or maybe her in his lap with his back to her? That’s how it’s supposed to be done. Not playing footsies underwater you jackal. All in all, one of the more uncomfortable things to watch the whole night. Well, besides Jillian interrogating all three remaining men. I have expected her to have them sign paperwork confessing their love for her.

-Now it’s time for the date everyone wants to talk about, and that’s Ed. No, not because of what they did (sailed around on a catamaran), but because of what he was wearing. I honestly don’t know who decided to dress him that morning, but it certainly wasn’t anyone who cared for his well being. Holy Christ! Was he in a rush leaving for the date and accidentally grabbed a pair of his nephews shorts he mistakenly packed? Did he think they were in France and not Hawaii? How does someone rationally explain wearing those god awful shorts on national television? Bright green shorts to go with a blue tank top. European Ed not only has no fashion sense, but he’s colorblind as well. When you wear a bathing suit made for 13 year old boys on television, something is wrong with you. Ed needs help. On the catamaran, Jillian asks him to tell her the weirdest thing about him she doesn’t know. “My family calls me Richie.” Euro Richie needs all the help he can get at this point. The shorts are just mesmerizing dude. I can’t even concentrate on anything else happening here. If they were any tighter and shorter, you could be considered a male prostitute in some states.

-Now it’s time for these two to frolic around in the water. Jillian holds on tight, wraps her legs around his nuthuggers, as they jump off the boat to swim around. I’m sure she probably could’ve just balanced herself on his hard on if she wanted to. Ed, just go naked at this point, seriously. Your shorts are killing me. Even better news outside of his shorts getting smaller and smaller, is that he tells Jillian because he didn’t get a hometown date, he flew his parents out to Hawaii to meet her. Really? You flew them out there? On your own dime? Of course you did, Ed. And you exiting the show then returning was real too, right? Man, this guy is packing a bunch of lies. So much so that they don’t even fit in his shorts, or whatever it is that you call what he’s wearing. Last time I saw those worn in public, John Stockton was running the pick and roll with Karl Malone. Sorry ladies. Basketball reference. Hope it didn’t go over your head.

-So after the catamaran ride, Jillian meets Ed’s parents, Judy and Richie. Jillian: “You have no idea what your son has been putting me through.” I found that rather humorous. You mean, what the producers have been putting you through? Apparently, neither do all his girlfriends back in Chicago either. Just think of what they’re going through? Must be tough. I’m really starting to enjoy all this commotion with Ed, and his feelings, and the rumors of scorned women back in Chicago. This is good stuff. Maybe it’ll all come to a head soon. Any ex or current girlfriend that wants to speak up about what a creep he is, you know where to find me. And if you also want to tell us which “Gap Kids” he bought those shorts at, that’d be helpful as well. Judy and Jillian have a little talk outside and Jillian asks her, “Hey, does he like me? Huh, huh, huh?” Judy: “He’s definitely out of his element. I didn’t think this was something he’d do.” Neither did his flock of women back home. I love how in the time Jillian gets with his mom, she never once asked, “Hey, what’d he say when he was back home for a week? Any mention of his feelings, or what he was doing, or why he decided to leave then come back, or even how much he got paid to leave and come back?” That could’ve made for some interesting conversation.

-Now we watch Euro Richie and his dad have a heart-to-heart. Dad: “What the hell are we doing here?” Probably the funniest line of the season. Euro Richie should’ve responded with, “Dad, remember I told you. I agreed to leave the show with some work B.S. excuse only to come back to add more drama. Don’t you remember me telling you this before?” The younger Richie explains to pops that if Jillian picked him, he’d get engaged. Kind of a whirlwind Eddie the Dope has taken everyone on, hasn’t it? Leaves the show saying he can’t let down his co-workers, comes back with really no explanation whatsoever other than he couldn’t stop thinking of her, now he says that he’s ready for an engagement? Huh? I think the speedos he was wearing on the date are affecting the blood circulation to his brain. This guy is completely clueless as to what he wants. Of course, that doesn’t stop dad from buying it hook, line, and sinker. When he’s outside with Jillian, he tears up saying, “I’ve never seen Ed put his feelings on his shirt sleeve.” Or in his 3rd grade boy trunks. I’m totally confused as to what the hell little Richie has gotten himself into. I think he is too.

-Euro Richie: “I’m absolutely falling in love with you. I don’t care about anything else right now.” Yep, he’s completely in over his head. They go back to the hotel suite, and Jillian throws on, well, practically nothing and climbs all over him. No bra, a see through white shirt, and god knows if she had any panties on. It was soft core porn basically, except the lead female star has zero figure. So these two rubbing oils on each other and then apparently pass out. Of course, earlier in the season we were led to believe that this was the night Ed’s junk went out of order. Yeah, that’s really what happened. This show sickens me. They never even alluded to that last night. It was all about how Jillian and Eddie thought they were so into each other, but then when she was with him in the most intimate moments, she didn’t feel it. And by “it”, I’m not talking about Mr. Happy. She couldn’t understand why the physical chemistry wasn’t there. I think she blamed on a long day and being sunburnt. Sure, Jillian. That’s it. Sunburn. What a horrible excuse. You were practically naked climbing all over the guy and rubbing oils on each other and you’re saying there was no chemistry? Then you guys have got serious problems. Sunburn or no, if he wanted you that badly, he would’ve fought through it. When it comes to sex, usually nothing is getting in our way.

-Jillian is confused as to why both of them felt like they wanted to go to sleep rather than play hide the pickle. “Either the chemistry is not there, or there are other things going through his mind.” I’d say the latter. Dude has got hordes of women back home waiting on him hand and foot. Of course he’s a little gun shy on national television BS’ing about how he wants to marry you. Whatever the case, the hype machine that ABC built around what allegedly “malfunctioned” was right as we called it weeks ago. Nothing. Totally played something up that wasn’t there, and I think that’s why in recent weeks, they backed away from it in the previews. But that first preview alluding to it basically wanted everyone to think, “They are going to have sex on the overnight date but one guy can’t wake the sleeping giant”. Nice try, ABC. Real smooth. Such a classy show.

-OH MY GOD!!!!! Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this? I never thought we’d see the return of it!!! The ridiculous video messages for Jillian!!! Weeeeeeeeee!!!!!!! Awesome. It’s probably been 6 or 7 seasons since we’ve seen these. These used to be a staple on the show until it became so ridiculously fake. First up, Kiptyn.

Kiptyn: “It’s been an amazing ride. From Southern California, to Canada, to San Diego, to Span, and now here in Hawaii. This feels like it could be the beginning of a great relationship. Lets do this!” WHAT??? Lets do this? Is he a high school senior now? Who says that? Seems like he’s really taking this show seriously.

Reid: “I have so many emotions and feelings for you. I know I avoided questions or reversed the questions back on you. This is all crazy and exciting at the same time.” Uhhhh, I don’t think that message made her heart flutter one bit. Nice going you failure.

Ed: “You’re beautiful, intelligent, and funny. I would love an opportunity to spend the rest of my life with you and propose to you. I love you.” Yikes. Layin’ it on a little thick there, don’t you think? Or just telling her what she wants to hear.

-Host Chris comes out and tells the boys, “Ok, here’s the deal. One of you is saying goodbye and will be on a plane back home tonight.” Sure they will, Chris. Another lie. Jillian comes out to give her pre-rose speech. “I’m definitely falling in love with all of you. I’m confused, but hey, at least I’m falling in love?” One of the worst speeches ever. What, is she trying to justify everything now? She’s confused as can be. So before she dumps Reid, she needs to pull European bikini model aside and make sure that he’s more unsure of everything going on. And he is. Richie: “I’m having a hard time adjusting to everything. There’s a lot of external things going on that I’m adjusting to (like having three girlfriends). Don’t worry about it. I promise you.” Translation: Worry about it. He basically just told her his head’s not all there, but hey, since he was the only one who threw out the “L” word and promised engagement at the end, I guess that punches his ticket to the final two.

Kiptyn: We are only two weeks away possibly from the worst couple this show has ever produced.
Ed: What’s the deal with the white pants a light blue jacket? Is he aware that this show is watched by millions of people? Man, and I thought the show had it out for Wes. Someone is playing a cruel joke on Richie and he doesn’t know it.

-So it’s time for Reid to say bye-bye. For now. Jillian: “I need a best friend and someone to laugh with. I worry that we’re in different places in our life. You don’t seem to be willing to take that chance.” Translation: If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it. If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it. Whoa uh oh, uh uh oh, whoa uh oh. Reid is heartbroken. I think. “I should’ve told her. Don’t know if that would’ve changed anything. Maybe I screwed myself. I was definitely falling in love with her. Don’t think she knows that. This whole thing is my fault. It would’ve been a lot easier if I told her I loved her. I think I f***ed up. If I could reverse things I would.”

-After breaking the news of what happened with Jason/Melissa/Molly last season, whether I like or not, I’ve somehow become the de facto “Bachelor” authority. A lot of you think I have all the answers. I don’t. Never said I did. I tell you all stuff that I know for sure. And when its rumored, I specify its rumor. POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!So as for the finale, here’s what I can tell you: I’m not sure what happens. Sure, I have some ideas based on things I’ve heard, but nothing that I’m 100% confident about to say, “Ok, here is what you’ll see in 2 weeks”. I don’t think I’m going out on a limb here when I say that Reid plays a pretty big role in what happens in the finale. Maybe he professes his love, maybe he comes back to propose, whatever the case, he plays a role in it. If he didn’t, he would’ve appeared at the “MTA” taping this past weekend, sat on the hot seat, and answered questions about his journey. They’ve done that every season for 17 seasons, why would this be any different? If I’m wrong, and we don’t see Reid at all, then I’ll own up to it. But I think he plays a role in the finale. Especially with his send off saying, “I should’ve told her that I loved her”, and, “If I could reverse things, I would.” It’s kinda like Ed’s departure in that they’re setting up a return. And the no-show at the “MTA” tapings confirm that suspicion even more.

-As for who Jillian picks, here’s what I do know: We are not going to get a normal ending. We are not going to see Jillian pick one guy, he proposes, she accepts, and they are happy in love. That I’m 99% sure about. For all the reasons I spoke of last week in regards to the answers she’s been giving about the rest of the season. If she was in love, she would’ve told us by now in interviews. If she was engaged, she would’ve admitted it. However, that doesn’t mean that she isn’t or won’t be soon. What do I mean by that? This is strictly my prediction based on all the information I’ve gathered: I think when we watch the 2 hour finale on Monday night the 27th, we are not going to get a final resolution to anything. I’m also 99% sure that the final one is not Kiptyn, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s Ed. I think Mike Fleiss and Co. saw what a big deal the “ATFR” show was last season, and we will get a cliffhanger leading into the “ATFR” show on Tuesday. One extra night means more eyeballs, which means more viewers, and more ad dollars, which means more money for them. Why not just air the “ATFR” after the finale? Why wait til the next night? I think they’re going to capitalize on a cliffhanger from Monday night, the 27th.

-So what could happen that could make them leave us with a cliffhanger leading into Tuesday’s “ATFR” show? Reid could come back and propose, she could be all set on Ed being her guy, then he tells her about his numerous women at home and it freaks her out, Kiptyn could admit to being the worst kisser ever, she could pull a Womack after hearing something and decide that she needs more time, maybe all three propose and she’s completely blown away, etc. Could be any number of things. What know is that we will not have a normal two hour finale. Something is going to happen which will force you to tune in to Tuesday night to get the resolution you’re looking for. If I was leaning one way, I’d say that Jillian makes her decision on someone, or no one, on Tuesday night. But that’s just a guess. I could be absolutely 100% dead wrong. But since so many of you have asked in recent weeks what I think/know happens, there’s my answer. If I find anything about before then, I’ll let you know, but that’s where I stand right now. Sorry to disappoint those of you who think I know everything. Not this season. Congrats to ABC for doing a much better job this season of keeping a lid on things.

So that’s it for this week. Back on Friday with our first “Reality Roundup” in almost a month. Sorry about that. The interviews started to take precedence and took up more time than I thought. Any questions, comments, emails, criticisms, praises, email me at



  1. Coach10

    July 17, 2009 at 8:31 AM

    Is anyone else chomping at the bit to hear what Steve’s backstory is on the MTA taping that he mentioned he would update sometime this week? Hope to hear about it soon!!!

  2. Tam

    July 17, 2009 at 8:35 AM

    As an African American female who likes, well use to like this show it would be nice to see a black couple. This tired mix of characters this year just makes that yearning in me grow even more. Are we not ready to see people other than the Jason/Jillian’s of the world “find” love? And please don’t believe that all 20 something black women would be like the Flavor of Love or I love New York.

  3. kev22

    July 17, 2009 at 9:37 AM

    I agree completely with Tam – it seems like every season my sis and I comment about the woeful lack of diversity.

  4. Tam

    July 17, 2009 at 10:47 AM

    What is insanity? Doing the same thing the same way hoping for different results. Maybe others here can comment also, would you not watch an Asian/Hispanic/Black bachelor? I know, because I was raised seeing the tall, dark (not black but “olive toned”) and handsome prince picking his fair maiden and living happy for evermore, but how many fairy tale endings has this show produced?

  5. petunia

    July 17, 2009 at 11:50 AM

    dflinn -good point about immigration. It also brings up another point – that it’s very difficult to have a dating relationship with someone who doesn’t live within a short drive. The show might actually result in some pairings that work if they did “local” shows, where all the contestants were fairly close geographically, so that the relationship can continue without the need for one person to move across the country.

    Tam – I agree about the diversity. Most seasons have one or two token non-white contestants who are eliminated early. We’re such a diverse country, with so many backgrounds, and mixed-race and multi-ethnic individuals. Most people I know don’t fit into only one category as far as race/nationality/culture. I think the show would be more interesting if there was more diversity.

    Combining these points, the show seems to be geared toward matching the backgrounds of people, and not the lives. For example – a location like Chicago – have the B/B’ette from Chicago, choose among contestants who live in the same city, or maybe close enough for a relationship,who might have similar interests, but diverse backgrounds. It’s easier to “fall in love” with someone with whom you have some interests in common,(Cubs fans, theater lovers, art enthusiasts) even though they have a different ethnic background, than to fall in love with someone who lives across the country from you, but has the same race/nationality/religion.

  6. petunia

    July 17, 2009 at 12:04 PM

    dflinn -good point about immigration. It also brings up another point – that it’s very difficult to have a dating relationship with someone who doesn’t live within a short drive. The show might actually result in some pairings that work if they did “local” shows, where all the contestants were fairly close geographically, so that the relationship can continue without the need for one person to move across the country.

    Tam – I agree about the diversity. Most seasons have one or two token non-white contestants who are eliminated early. We’re such a diverse country, with so many backgrounds, and mixed-race and multi-ethnic individuals. Most people I know don’t fit into only one category as far as race/nationality/culture. I think the show would be more interesting if there was more diversity.

    Combining these points, the show seems to be geared toward matching the backgrounds of people, and not the lives. For example – a location like Chicago – have the B/B’ette from Chicago, choose among contestants who live in the same city, or maybe close enough for a relationship,who might have similar interests, but diverse backgrounds. It’s easier to “fall in love” with someone with whom you have some interests in common,(Cubs fans, theater lovers, art enthusiasts) even though they have a different ethnic background, than to fall in love with someone who lives across the country from you, but has the same race/nationality/religion.

  7. susie

    July 17, 2009 at 2:32 PM

    My husband is from England and actually got his citizenship on 9/11 which occurred while we were driving to the ceremony. It is easier to get citizenship if you are married first, but they go through everything…pictures, etc… also INS videotaped us being grilled by them. It was a long drawn out process and endless paperwork. It would be easier for Jillian if she was married first which we all know is not the usual outcome for this show, but who knows if she even wants to become a citizen. I wonder how Matt is hanging around here after his season after breaking up with Monkey. We at least know he has his SAG card.

  8. caro1975

    July 17, 2009 at 4:34 PM

    When are you going to tell us about the MTA story?

  9. suez

    July 17, 2009 at 5:52 PM

    Tam… It’s too bad that ABC will never have an Asian /African American/Hispanic bachelor or bachelorette.The powers that be don’t think it would work.Hell, the Real World ( for the younger generation) has a great deal of diversity. I guess as a 40 + female seeing Mary(Latina) and Byron get engaged a couple of years ago is as close as we’ll get.( they broke up in a big way!!)

  10. lizzybay

    July 17, 2009 at 7:07 PM

    OK entertaining recap until I got to the part where you called Philly a “hell hole”. Reid lives in an area just outside of Philly that’s beautiful. Philly people are great! It’s obvious you don’t know Philly or Philadelphians at all!!! Could list all the great things about it starting with our world class doctors, but I gotta go. I’m watching our WORLD CHAMPION PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES!!!!!!!!!!

  11. Rebecca

    July 17, 2009 at 9:41 PM

    wow, i gotta say…when they were showing previews for the final rose, the part that shows jillian (sitting with chris harrison) covering her face with her hand and going “oh my god” was THE fakest, phoniest-sounding, bad acting i’ve seen in awhile. the fakeness is truly pissing me off more and more…i’d honestly be fine with less of that, even though that’d mean a little less excitement.

    @smithsfan- LOL at ed=erectile dysfunction
    @coach10- yes i’m crazy itching for it!!! i’m hoping to DEATH that it confirms those rumors that reid comes back and gets chosen in the end, cause i wanted him to be the last man standing

  12. hunters627

    July 18, 2009 at 12:12 AM

    Love your blog. Been reading for weeks now (new viewer) and am waiting for the update you promised today. Are you still sleuthing??

  13. TheSingleBachelor007

    July 18, 2009 at 8:12 AM

    This is starting 2 shows back.
    She Finally she got rid of Wes. That Snake.
    Then he lied on his application which then denied me and others a spot
    on the show.

    Ed. Geez at least look at jillian for more than a millisecond…LOL
    I am not sure she wants his last name in marriage. ugh.

    but note in one of her interviews she said “I am in a happy place
    now.” And what did she say about Ed last night….hmmmmm

    Only the men bachelors will take the fantasy suite date cards and use
    them to sleep with all the women but not Jilly.

    Wes: what a loser. Even his music sucks..if it is anything. She got suckered.
    Boycott his music and band……..I can’t believe how straight a face
    he kept throughout.

    Reid aloha, sayonnara. But as Arnold says. I’ll be back…..

    i guess I was the only one who made this connection.
    Ed. AKA Magnum PI.
    Ed what are you still in the 80s wearing Magnum PI shorts with long
    legs. Oh Geez……hike them up a bit more……
    Now all Ed needs is the red Ferrari……

    Kiptyn: Aw geez please learn how to kiss. I will pay for your lessons.

    I would have had a better chance.

  14. TheSingleBachelor007

    July 18, 2009 at 8:57 AM

    Here are some pics. You vote.
    I think her dad would approve……

  15. meeshmeesh

    July 18, 2009 at 1:23 PM

    RS – Why am I so addicted to your blog? I am going to echo so many others – what is up with the MTA spoiler you’ve got in your basket? Fill us in – as if you have NOTHING else to do on a Saturday afternoon than to entertain and inform us.

  16. cvendel

    July 18, 2009 at 5:31 PM

    @ TheSingleBa

    Ummm, no wonder you weren’t picked. What are you, late 30’s at the youngest? You exemplify all those older men who think they can hold out for a young woman with a solid career. We don’t want you or your discolored teeth, and neither would our fathers approve of someone who looks like their contemporary.

  17. dfwgirl

    July 19, 2009 at 9:51 AM

    @ cvendel

    How rude! Great example of how people interact online when they’re invisible. Michael, you look as good or better than several I’ve seen, definitely including Wes.

    Steve, your blog is good for entertainment reasons, but I think you’re a little too cocky. You’re recaps are funny, when you keep it from being too insulting. I didn’t watch TB until Jason’s season and then had to watch Jillian’s also. It’s like watching a train wreck, it’s hard to turn your head once you see it. But I have to say it has been very entertaining.

  18. caro1975

    July 19, 2009 at 9:58 AM

    I think you are right when you say there will be some kind of cliffhanger from the FRC to the ATFR on tuesday. When you read the description on TIVO of what happens that tuesday it says: “two spurned bachelors come back to get answers from Jillian”. We already know Reid is coming back. So she might not pick neither Ed nor Kiptyn, and tell Reid she needs to “think about it”, if indeed he proposes (or something along those lines). So maybe on tuesday we will find out about her decision. It is all speculation, of course. I could be wrong. Maybe she does accept a proposal. But that would be like the last straw in the fakeness of this show!

  19. dfwgirl

    July 19, 2009 at 10:53 AM

    Because of all the leaks with Jason’s show, it could be likely the producers have leaked a lot of false info, which would lead to Reid coming back, Kiptyn already signed as the next B and on and on. I’d be willing to bet Wes is putting on a show now and is coming back to say “yes, I did say all those things and I meant them! I’m a country bad boy. Now y’all come see my band!” Now that would be a big “gotcha” from the producers!

  20. daisy

    July 19, 2009 at 2:23 PM

    @ dfwgirl

    Thanks for calling cvendel (who must be insecure or just plain mean) on his rudeness and for pointing out that Steve can be too insulting at times.

    Steve, I believe you can continue to be funny (you have a gift) without the insults. I know it is your website and you can do whatever you want, but I’ll bet your popularity will grow if you can tone it down. Thanks.

  21. petunia

    July 19, 2009 at 2:39 PM

    Be grateful you’re not on the show. They would have reduced you to a one-dimensional stereotype of some kind.

  22. banphils

    July 19, 2009 at 6:09 PM

    You are not worth commenting on. Shame on such trash for a column. I am out of here.

  23. meeshmeesh

    July 19, 2009 at 6:44 PM

    RS – Do you know when they will tape the ATFR episode?

  24. TheSingleBachelor007

    July 19, 2009 at 9:10 PM

    cvendel: goes to show how this one person who watches these reality shows see and only care about the superficial. A few more things I would like to say but not appropriate here.
    As for the other ladies thank you. “dfwgirl”, “petunia”, “daisy”
    Trista and Ryan seemed to think I would have been a good addition but warned me about being careful what you wish for.
    the more I thought about it. I think I will pass if offered the show. thanks “petunia”
    I have a better chance meeting her/someone in the market…..LOL

    cvendel: I do not have professional modeling pictures, $40,000 worth of veneers, a ferrari, mansion do not look like everyone else on the show and most definitely do not have a band……..LOL
    NOTE: Did anyone else notice that everyone looked alike this season when it started.

    this does not appeal to me. Jillian did and that is why I applied. Funny thing though talking to Steve about it. There were 2 weeks after it was announced she was the new one. These 30 men got the applications, videos, pictures in and did the screening interviews. We both agreed yeah right.
    i was informed that I was to late and they locked/picked all the actors/cast.
    goes to show again not one was there for her.

    As for Steve he gives the read in between the lines blow by blow. Always makes you wonder what will happen next. Insults are good.

  25. TheSingleBachelor007

    July 19, 2009 at 9:22 PM

    Name thoughts going into next Monday nights finale show.
    How does her name sound with theirs…..
    Miss Jillian Harris Swiderski nah
    Miss Jillian Harris Locke aahn
    Miss Jillian Harris Rosenthal not bad

    Possible gatechrasher: Jake
    Miss Jillian Harris Pavelka I’d stick with her last name……
    then again not my decision.

  26. greekyiayia

    July 20, 2009 at 2:11 AM

    I love your reviews! They kick start my week and I find it intesting how ABC “hates” you but they are so quick to squash any information or links you post. hmmmm could that be because you’re right 99.9% of the time!!!

  27. della

    July 20, 2009 at 2:36 PM

    In the TV Guide online listing for July 28, it says, “In a Season 5 review, TWO spurned bachelors confront Jillian.” So it would seem Reid has stuck around Hawaii for some sort of Bachelorette drama. And all along Jillian has said she wants someone who makes her laugh. I mean how many times has she said that? I doubt that was something scripted by ABC.

  28. amyntx

    July 20, 2009 at 4:37 PM

    I sure hope Reid comes back and proposes! That seems to be the only good fit out of all of them.

  29. mamabear369

    July 20, 2009 at 4:39 PM

    Okay, so my best friends son runs into Ed at the Lexington airport and gets a picture with him. Of course we make him ask him if he was picked. His exact comments was “Man, I can’t believe you watch that sh**!” Sounds like Ed doesnt think much of the show either!

  30. tvgirlwiz

    July 20, 2009 at 8:36 PM

    OMG… the edits on the ‘men tell all’ is PATHETIC. Thank goodness Wes did not show up… It would have just added fuel to the fake fire.

  31. lngs

    July 20, 2009 at 8:38 PM

    WOW! They have THROWN Wes under the bus big time. This is so one-sided… will anyone else notice this?? Can’t wait to see what Jillian will say about all this.

  32. meeshmeesh

    July 20, 2009 at 8:49 PM

    Sasha tried to stand up for him. Dave did, too. What was Dave going to say about Wes’ “ex” girlfriend?

  33. meeshmeesh

    July 20, 2009 at 8:50 PM

    UGH! Like he would be THAT stupid to say those comments like they made it look he did!!!!

  34. meeshmeesh

    July 20, 2009 at 8:57 PM

    How sweet is Michael Stag!

  35. lngs

    July 20, 2009 at 10:02 PM

    Can’t wait to watch the repeat west coast feed. And read RS’s recap tomorrow.

  36. kev22

    July 21, 2009 at 1:35 AM

    Really (and predictably) threw Wes under the bus…would have loved to hear what (more) Sasha had to say. That dude in the bluish shirt I don’t even remember and the pizza boy beside him couldn’t shut up. Funny to see Harrison get so angry and defensive. All in all, a waste of time.

  37. Carrie

    July 21, 2009 at 7:12 AM

    The MTA was so staged it was pathetic. Every member in the audience looked like a paid “plant” to make certain reactions and to say certain things at the particular time. I love the “Reid has a prior engagement” and then they show him looking at a ring at the end. Yeah CH, that really helps your credibility, not that I think you have much at this point. I also found Jillian’s comments about Wes to be manipulated as well. A few weeks ago I believe she was saying how misunderstood Wes was, that he wasn’t as bad as he was portrayed, etc. Then last night she through him under the bus not once, but twice. I can’t wait to hear the RS take!

  38. Lisa in IL

    July 21, 2009 at 8:14 AM

    This just confirmed it for me. We’ve all been had. Wes is one of the two bachelors who was paid to be on the show, play a role, and laugh all the way to the bank. Hope they paid him well. Every single guy who was there when Wes said the things he said knows what he said before & after what the producers chose to show us (except for the limo shots).

    ABC’s producers are getting bolder with their attempts to keep the ratings up. Bringing back two dumpees to confront Jillian is just another stunt. Anything for ratings. All of it for ratings. No wonder Jillian doesn’t pick anyone (my prediction). Absolutely no reason to.

  39. MustangGirl

    July 21, 2009 at 8:20 AM

    I agree, the MTA was boring, and terribly staged. It was painful to watch. How convenient that they packed the house with nothing but Wes haters. How pathetic did CH look when he couldn’t wait to jump on that bandwagon. Wes definitely got a raw deal, if he was a plant and paid to do it, well for his sake, I hope he got paid really well for it, because unfortunately there are still alot of people out there who believes this show and believes whatever they show and he’s going to have some serious backlash for quite some time. And why did they have to have Jason and Molly on there? Who gives a crap about them, move on! There is no way they will end up married. I give them a year and it will be Splitsville. And the last clip showing Reid with the ring…I am taking it at face value, it could mean alot of different things, I bet it won’t end up like everyone thinks it will! I bet in the end, she doesn’t end up with anyone.

  40. Lisa in IL

    July 21, 2009 at 8:29 AM

    I understand what you’re saying. But, if you were the one who received a letter from ABC’s lawyers threatening a lawsuit, you might feel differently. At minimum, you’d have to hire your own attorney and respond to the suit, which ABC’s lawyers could drag on indefinitely and cost you tens of thousands of dollars, possibly hundreds of thousands, and put you into debt. Then, once you were sufficiently in debt and financially ruined, ABC could drop the lawsuit. They would have made their point, you’d be financially ruined (not to the tune of $5 million) and no secrets would have come out in court.

    I’m sure all of this is subtly explained to the “contestants” when they sign up. It’s how the game is played.

    I just looked at a couple of points in making drawing my conclusion. First, Wes does these interviews with no repercussion so far. Secondly, read the summaries of the show. ABC gives unaired footage of the show for their website & this is where Chris does is blog. In exchange, ew isn’t going to write anything unfavorable for ABC about the show. So, my guess is ABC oks all rumors, comments, criticisms. Any criticisms or cynical remarks are planted all for the sake of ratings buzz.

    That’s my story & I’m sticking to it!

  41. lithargic

    July 21, 2009 at 11:21 AM

    Where are you Steve?

    I think you have lost interest in your website. And judging by the few number of posts so have a lot of others.

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