Reality Steve

The Bachelor 14 - Jake

The Bachelor Finale Recap (Part 1) – 3/1/10

For whatever reason, the site is not allowing me to put the whole column together in one post, so I had to split it up into two separate ones. When you’re finished with this column, you’ll see the next post on the page is Part 2. So please read both in succession. That one will start with thoughts on Jason and Molly’s wedding. Thanks.

Never in the last two months did I ever doubt the information my sources gave me. The tough part was knowing that I’m never fully vindicated until that final episode airs. But week by week, everything played out like I told everyone it would, and I just sat there and smiled even though the doubters were still there. From the people swearing they re-shot the ending, to idiots on message boards and commenting saying ABC purposely is feeding me false information, to the conspiracy theorists who said Ali would factor in to Jake’s final decision, to those who studied all of Jake’s answers and swore he picked no one because he didn’t look happy, to haters who just wanted me to be wrong so I could eat crow. All look rather dumb right about now, I’d say. Did you notice this season that when people like Chris Harrison, Jake, or even Mike Fleiss in that one interview, although they admit not liking what I do, you did notice that not once did they ever say “he’s clueless”, or “he doesn’t know what he’s talking about”, or “he’s just guessing”? Because they knew all along I was right, and although the ratings were the highest in five years, it kills them to acknowledge the fact that someone is beating them to the punch. Not to mention the “Ali is the next Bachelorette” story I broke two weeks ago as well. So truly, from the bottom of my heart, to Chris Harrison, Mike Fleiss, ABC, Next Entertainment, Warner Horizon, and everyone that year in and year out who thinks I make up a bunch of sh** hoping it comes true, or that I’m fed false information on purpose, let me just put this as eloquently as I can: Suck it. No, seriously. Suck it. Hard. Ahhhhh, after two months, that felt damn good to get off my chest.

As was the case last week, not much time will be spent recapping the two hour finale. Way too much fluff that all could’ve been crammed into an hour if they really wanted, plus, since we’ve known what was coming, this was all pretty anti-climactic. The only surprising thing about last night was hearing that Jake is going to be on “Dancing with the Stars”. Oh boy. This week’s column will be sectioned off into five separate parts: my thoughts on the finale and ATFR, some closing opinions on the Rozlyn interview, Jason and Molly’s wedding, Jake on “DWTS”, and Ali as the next Bachelorette. Plenty of things to get to with all these topics.

For those who I’ve been in contact with and are interested, you will be receiving an email today or tomorrow regarding the final plans for the Vegas trip this weekend. Anyone still interested, it’s definitely not too late to show up, but I’m guessing unless you’re within driving distance and have hookups at some hotel, flight and room will cost you and arm and a leg. Should be a fun weekend despite the fact that none of the former bachelor/ette contestants are going. Not that I’m surprised, as I told you that was a good possibility. And remind me to never plan anything again as long as I live…ha ha. This hasn’t been the easiest thing to organize to say the least. I’ve come to realize that a lot of people in this world are flakes. Is what it is, but every once in a while you want to have trust in people that’ll come through for you. With that said, as of now it looks like we’re gonna have close to 70 people showing up in some form or fashion this weekend. Looking forward to meeting all of you who plan on making the trip. I think the good mood I’m in will make this weekend that much better. Drinks on me Saturday night at TAO! There’s a good chance this weekend will be one giant blur. Can’t it be Friday yet? Touching down at noon at McCarran airport Friday is going to feel pretty damn good. Vegas baby. Vegas.

Also, at 6pm EST time tonight will be another chance for everyone to call in and ask questions as I’m doing another live chat with the people at Will work the same as last time. The link will be up on the site later with the phone number to call in. Hopefully we will start on time this time around and won’t be so much background noise. But come back later on tonight at 6pm EST for a live chat where you can call in and ask questions. The only thing I ask is that if you haven’t listened to all of the Rozlyn interview, and you have a question about something she said in it, please refrain and try and come up with something else. I know not everyone has been able to take 114 minutes out of their day to listen to the interview, but for me to repeat stuff she already answered would be repetitive. Other than that, ask anything you want.

Finale and ATFR Thoughts

-Well, at least we found out where Jake gets his crying from: his father. Pops cried three different times during last night’s show. Was it really that emotional? I’m guessing that ol’ dad was crying at the thought of his son making Vienna his daughter-in-law. Yep. That was it. Will he cry when Jake gets booted in Week 1 of “DWTS”? Or how about when Jake isn’t allowed to use his Tom Cruise lifts in his shoes when he’s dancing? Whatever the case, that is one emotional family. Who likes jumping into pools with their clothes on and hump each other. Tenley, be thankful you didn’t have to join the ranks of those kooks.

-For the majority of the “Bachelor” audience that doesn’t read message boards, or follow blogs, or had any clue about the spoilers out there this season (which is about 95% of their audience), they really set last night up to make you think it was Tenley he chose. I mean, could Vienna meeting his parents been any more awkward and uncomfortable? I’m curious to this day if they even still like the girl. I can’t remember the parents meeting the final two girls and having that opposite of feeling about them in this show’s history. I mean, when Jake’s sister said, “Ok, she’s not as bad as I thought as I misjudged her”, and that’s the BEST compliment Vienna got the whole day, you know something’s not right. Hey Pavelka’s! Meet your new daughter-in-law! Weeeeeeeeee!!!!!! I swear to God, I’m gonna make it my life’s mission to go out in downtown Dallas every weekend night until I run in to those two at some bar. Maybe they’ll be at Idle Rich Pub. Or Primo’s. Or Tribeca. Or Ghostbar. Or Black Friar. Or Deux. Whatever. Someday I’m gonna run in to them and I can’t wait to take a picture with the three of us pretending I’m so happy for them.

-When Jake and Vienna were covering each other in mud, I gotta say, Vienna has never looked prettier…ha ha. It was almost like a symbol of this whole season. Just a bunch of mud slinging and dirtiness that affected the whole house. Very symbolic. Nice touch, ABC. Quite subtle but I sure as hell picked up on it. Mud here, mud there, mud everywhere. Then they jump into the clean water and rinse each other off. All the while, trying to rid themselves of as many bacterial infections they might’ve gained by exchanging bodily fluids.

-I really dug Jake telling Tenley on their last day together essentially, “Yeah, ummmm, our physical relationship sucks.” Translation: Vienna will give up the ass pretty much whenever I ask her and I feel it’ll be much more of an effort with you, so uuhhhhh, I think I’ll go with her. Gee Jake, don’t crush her ego too hard now. That was about as blantant of a, “Hey, this is my way to trying to let you know beforehand” statement if I’ve ever seen one. How could he possibly pick Tenley after he questioned their physical relationship moving so slow? Really? Especially when the other chick is practically becoming a Cirque de Soleil acrobat in bed. The guy just dug himself deeper and deeper that night not being able to explain anything to her.

-I’ve said this every season at the finale, I’ll say it again: The one thing I admire is them having the balls to stand there and dump some girl that’s head over heels for you. I don’t envy the position Jake was in one bit. I felt pretty bad for Tenley sitting there watching that. Brutal. I think I feel bad every season for the girl that gets dumped, but for some reason, I think the fact that Tenley couldn’t finish a complete sentence without sniffling or about to break down was what did it for me. Poor girl. I think Jake was crying before she even walked up. Sucks to be him. The only time this season where I felt bad for the guy. Well, that and when he contracted genital herpes from Vienna.

-As for the “ATFR”, it would’ve been nice to see Tenley maybe punch the guy in the face when they brought him out. Apparently she didn’t have that in her. Will they really remain friends like he says? Hell if I know. If Vienna and Tenley aren’t friends, then it’s hard to imagine Jake and Tenley will ever be close again. I don’t think it really matters. I think Tenley will have a lot of opportunities open up for her after this, just like Rozlyn and Ali have. She’d be dumb not to explore them.

-After they announced the first 10 contestants on “DWTS” and then gave us the, “Tune in to the ‘After the Final Rose’ for the 11th contestant”, I immediately figured it was Tenley since why would they promote it like that. But at that moment, I looked down at the names and realized that of the ten names they’d released, only four were men. And since with eleven names total, you knew they weren’t going to do a 7-4 split with women/men. So it hit me right then that, “Holy crap, it’s gotta be Jake.” I event texted someone right when that thought popped in my head. And sure enough, Jake was #11. I definitely didn’t see that one coming.

-Well, it’s clearly obvious that since they wrapped filming in November, Vienna knowing she was the final one got her ass to the gym and started working out. And made sure her stylist took out all her dark roots. I’d say Vienna looked 15-20lbs lighter last night. Didn’t do anything to help her wandering eye, but she definitely lost weight. That’s to be expected. Usually the way it works. Just rewind last night to her walking on the beach in her bikini then look at her at the ATFR. Noticeable difference.

-I think the thing I was looking forward to last night the most was actually hearing Vienna for the first time since the show finished. I mean, lets face it, she hasn’t had to address any of the rumors since she’s not allowed to talk until her final episode airs. She answered like I expected her too, and for the most part, the stuff about former friends selling her out is pretty much true. I don’t put much stock into the quotes I see from them because they’re just looking to get into a magazine. However, being an ex-Hooters waitress, entering bikini contests, and posing topless in a bikini calendar with only a scarf – that stuff actually happened. I think that shows more about who she is and her immaturity more than people who knew her in grammar school and high school saying anything. The bottom line is by having that type of background, you can tell she is someone that craves attention, is loving the fact that she “won” Jake, and there isn’t a chance in hell those two are going to be married for 60 years. If they even get married at all.

-As for Jeffrey Osborne selling out for the almighty dollar, well, may God look kindly upon you my friend. Anyone who ever liked that song will now forever hate it after you embarrassed yourself on national television by serenading a couple that will never walk down the aisle. Jeffrey, you should be ashamed of yourself. I say you just light a flame to that song right now and never sing it again. Stick to the national anthem at Laker games.

-One thing I wanted to point out about Chris Harrison. A lot of you may have seen or heard Chris on the “Joy Behar” show last week where Joy actually referenced me by name saying that I leaked the information months ago. Chris obviously avoided talking about me directly since that’s what he’s coached to do, but, I find it interesting he keeps running with this, “We know who his source is”. That couldn’t be further from the truth since I have more than one source. They have no clue who my sources are. This season I had more than five. You saying you know all five Chris? Really? Please. The fact that none of my sources have ever been contacted and asked, “Hey, are you giving information out?” goes to show that they have no clue. Chris is just supposed to say that so it doesn’t make it seem like a show watched by over 10 million people each week has some blogger out there who knows almost as much as they do. Can’t possibly make it seem like someone is one-upping them when, well lets face it, that’s exactly what I’m doing. Once again Chris – stop the lies. You have no clue where I’m getting my information from. And you never will.

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  1. d-dee

    March 2, 2010 at 11:11 AM

    oh man, was that a hurlfest – one cheesy line after the other… i’m glad it’s over
    congrats on another great RS season, Steve

  2. Ciness

    March 2, 2010 at 11:12 AM

    you rock!

  3. dori

    March 2, 2010 at 11:30 AM

    HA HA HA!
    I love how eloquent you are in your first paragraph to all the doubters!

    are you going to be covering survivor now?!!
    What’s with Parvarti making it to the end?
    I hear her and Russell were getting married!

  4. Wes Supporter

    March 2, 2010 at 11:35 AM

    Hi, Steve,

    I am a long time supporter of yours and appreciate whatr you do. However, I feel your blog is drifting from its original strength of providing a humorous narrative account of the show. It must take a long time to write out a long, flippant narrative, but they are so much fun to read. I found the bullet points, which contained your reactions not really interesting or worthwhile to read.

    Good job scooping the show. Sounds like you are moving toward investigative journalism and a quest to demolish this stupid show.

    Whatever the case, I doubt I will watch this season again. I could literally feel my brain cells melting. It’s such a stupid show about irrelevant people and a terribly unproductive use of my time.

  5. bigpoppaevil

    March 2, 2010 at 11:44 AM

    They don’t care if Steve gets spoilers because that just draws more people to the show. More viewers = better ratings = more money from advertisers. They’re using Steve, and he just doesn’t get that. If Steve really wanted to ‘hurt’ the show, he’d do the exact opposite. He doesn’t because he gets his own ‘fame’ from it as well.

  6. anna84

    March 2, 2010 at 12:02 PM

    I’m so with you to hunt them out in Dallas… the guy will proboly hit up addisson too. I can’t stand Vienna. Thanks for keeping us updated. I’ve been reading your blog for a while now. I must add you on facebook.

  7. wjgibbsy

    March 2, 2010 at 12:26 PM

    Did anyone see Jake getting in the car after his final date with Vienna? A friend just told me it looked like like he had a boner ! Love to see that on You tube ! So… we’ve had a nipple viewing, a panty shot & now Bonergate ? Woodergate ? I dunno ?

  8. billb

    March 2, 2010 at 1:11 PM

    I am wondering. With 2 seasons of the Bachelor and now DWTS, does Jake have a job.

  9. Sunnyside422

    March 2, 2010 at 1:26 PM

    Watching Ellen and she announces Jake and Vienna on tomorrow and….THE AUDIENCE BOOS LOUD AND LONG! Ellen is taken aback (but laughing) says REALLY, REALLY and then says that she can’t do that and make her guests feel uncomfortable…but then says…you all can do whatever you want!

  10. molly_forder

    March 2, 2010 at 1:49 PM

    Could Reality Steve be more long-winded? It takes longer to read this babble then watching the episode itself. And calling out doubters? Yawn. I think we all know that you saw video which is why you were soooo sure of the outcome. Star fuckers are losers, but being a Reality Star fuckers is beyond embarrassing. Get a job “Reality” Steve.

  11. dihu911

    March 2, 2010 at 1:49 PM

    I think Jake picked Vienna because they are both publicity hounds. I can’t imagine the other women being that into spending their lives in public or seeking out the cameras. Vienna and Jake are 2 of a kind that way. Did you see him with the donut skit on Kimmel?

  12. mandy_Reeves

    March 2, 2010 at 2:15 PM

    Well…I kinda think Vienna is not too bad after all. She is real. Tenley seemed like a fake barbie now that i re watch the show.

  13. aa2010

    March 2, 2010 at 2:25 PM

    I dvr’d the whole season. If you look back at the first episode, the teasers (voices of some of the women saying things over footage) regarding what is to come during the season includes one girl saying “Nobody here knows I have kids right now and nowbody here knows I have been married.” I don’t recognize the voice (maybe a producer 🙂 ) but I also don’t recall that ever coming out….clearly, at the beginning the producers were going to go with that angle with Roselyn, and switched to the “affair” angle later. They clearly made the mistake of using that as a teaser without realizing it wouldn’t jive with what ended up being the storyline. I have to admit I fell for their bait, but having heard your interview and discovering this discrepancy, I do now believe Roselyn was set up by ABC….unreal! If this isn’t the case…who said that and which girl were they referring to….everyone on the show knew who had a kid and who was or was not married prior to this show.

  14. Artzilla

    March 2, 2010 at 3:03 PM

    I want Steve to address the people who will accept his outcome predictions unquestioned, but seem unable to accept the information provided about Vienna’s behavior at the house.

    Seems that the sources are unimpeachable at this point.

  15. Ally

    March 2, 2010 at 3:09 PM

    You are just amazing!

  16. HeidiT

    March 2, 2010 at 3:32 PM


    Molly_Forder, if you hate this blog so much why read it? No one is holding a gun to your head, it’s Steve’s page and he can pretty much write what he likes, it’s his blog.

    You might not enjoy it but there are plenty of people out there who do.

  17. lemon-lime

    March 2, 2010 at 3:34 PM

    Dreamz: are you reading this? Hahahahahahahahaahhhhh!

    @mollyturder: you’re like a wet fart on a hot summer day

  18. realityzero

    March 2, 2010 at 3:38 PM

    This season should have been called The Bachelor: Me and My Penis. Because we all know Jake chose Vienna because his little penis was telling him too. Jake “I’m listening to my heart…I’ll let me heart lead me” bullsh@t!! More like, “I’m letting my penis lead me…” “There’s just this spark with Vienna”…it’s called a BONER Jake and you had one all season!

  19. molly_forder

    March 2, 2010 at 4:02 PM

    Hi HeidiT (I mean Reality Steve in “disguise”)

    I can write what ever I want too. How about that? Deal. With. It.

  20. Amy89

    March 2, 2010 at 4:39 PM

    Who wins on ALi’s season! Will you still have sources next season? Great Blog. I hope you watch big brother this summer and write about that is going to be huge! Jake picking Vienna…was sure odd after Vienna was so trashed on internet all month long. GnomeBook youtube cracked me up…screaming when Jake picks Vienna!

    It’s too bad Vienna was so trashed online… seems like a nice girl now no matter how she was when younger.

  21. Ellie222

    March 2, 2010 at 4:47 PM

    Steve….Steve….Steve….how do I even put into words EXACTLY what I’ve been wanting to say about you for so long? Firstly…it’s commical to me that someone like yourself even BEGINS to talk about how “unfair” the media has been to anyone in contact with the show. You’re RIGHT there with them!! You may not be hassling, stalking, harrasing the stars of the bachelor, but you certainly are when it comes to those you dislike such as …hmmm…let us ALL think so hard…CHRIS HARRISON!

    I’m sure you’re not this horrible person ALL the time. But these people you so harshly insult, accuse, and mock, are actually doing something somewhat worthy. People do come out of this …un-realistic reality show in love, SOMETIMES, some do get married, some DO find happiness. Therefor, they find some good. You spend your days in a chair, bringing down the rest of the word over what….gossip?? You maliciously try to ruin more than just a show, but personal lives, reputations, for what? The sake of some stupid blog??

    The world will go round, so there will always be media critics such as yourself, but I really hope one day you’re given a taste of your own dishings. Someone who RENTLESSLY comes at you from all sides, ripping every part of your personal life, buisness life, family life, etc to the ground. Then maybe you’ll have a little compassion for the people you so bluntly try to destroy. It’s almost obsessive wouldn’t you say? Compulsive. What an honorable job you have…NOT!

    How old are you…a 30/40 year old man? This is what you find pride in? Telling people who could care LESS about what you have to say…to “suck it”? What a joke.

    I hope one day you find a profession that doesn’t make you look like a complete and utter immature, insecure, man who brings everyone down to make himself feel better. What a pathetic excuse, “it’s my job.” You have one life, if this how you want to live it? Is this how you want to be remembered? As the insanley negative, balding, critcal of everyone but himself… man?

    HAVE SOME RESPECT!! DIGNITY!! KINDNESS!! Should I copy the definition of those words for you since they clearly aren’t in your vocabulary?

  22. molly_forder

    March 2, 2010 at 4:50 PM

    reality steve is deleting my posts. reality steve is deleting my posts. reality steve is deleting my posts. reality steve is deleting my posts. reality steve is deleting my posts. reality steve is deleting my posts. reality steve is deleting my posts. reality steve is deleting my posts.

    Pretty ironic that all Reality Steve does is bash this show and yet doesn’t seem to like people calling him out on shit. Typical.

  23. sweetness34

    March 2, 2010 at 5:22 PM

    Through reading Steve, we’ve learned how much of the show is planned and story boarded. I just wish they’d do a better job of it. Do we really have to hear the characters say the same recycled lines season after season, and do ridiculous things like jump into a swimming pool with their clothes on?

    I agree with the commenter that said their brain cells melted this season. At least Steve is entertaining.

  24. lemon-lime

    March 2, 2010 at 5:38 PM

    @ellie222: yawn…zzzzzzzzz

    @molly_turder: your temper tantrums are annoying. Go back to the teen chat room.

  25. Youareallnuts

    March 2, 2010 at 5:41 PM

    It is scary to see this kind of mentality in this country. We have a blogger who has no life and is obviously REALLY full of himself, babbling along endlessly with no intellect or ability to edit his thoughts. A lonnnnnng drawn out whine of your opinion which shows no ability to be rational and shows no level of intellect on your part. Your hate, obsession and assumption of these participants is pretty pathetic. Steve, you seriously come off as a major loser, seriously.

    As for the posters who agree with you, trash Vienna and/or Jake and who can’t even spell at a 6th grade level, it only shows your mentality is still (or permanently) under developed.

    You all sound like unproductive lonely nobodies and you use your bashing of this nobody, Vienna, to make yourselves feel superior to her.

    Steve your long drawn out drivel should be an embarrassment to you personally. Your hate for Jake and Vienna and your ridiculous defense of Rozyln (whom anyone can see from day one was a tramp and a vixen), I mean seriously. You are making a fool of yourself.

    Enjoy your 70 fans in my town, Vegas. You’re pathetic and your ‘fans’ need a life.

    What did you get out of exposing this lame show? Did it make you feel important Steve? You must REALLY have nothing going on in your life.

    How sad for all of you.

  26. lemon-lime

    March 2, 2010 at 6:10 PM

    @youareallnuts: its funny how you condemn steve for being mean-spirited, then you proceed to trash him and all the posters.
    If this blog and all of us are beneath you, then why are you here? To spread your snark?

  27. molly_forder

    March 2, 2010 at 6:13 PM

    @lemon-lime (aka, i wonder who) – seriously why don’t you just call yourself black kettle? what. a. joke.

    if someone wants to trash, they best be prepared to receive right back. so stop your whining ya big baby.

  28. lemon-lime

    March 2, 2010 at 6:21 PM’

  29. Jane B

    March 2, 2010 at 6:26 PM

    Folks, look closely at Jake, he is clearly in love with Vienna AT THIS TIME. Well, let me rephrase. That man is head-over-heels infatuated with the girl.

    Why? She played him beautifully the whole season.

    Vienna knows how to read people and how to say what they want to hear IF she cares about their perception of her. Leaving the whole other girls hating her thing aside, Vienna wanted Jake to fall for her and she carefully crafted her interactions with him. It was rather brilliant, especially since she’s only 23.

    Remember when she talked about how she’d greet the man she loved by grabbing his face and kissing him in the morning and telling him how much she loved him? Jake ate that up. Think about it. Yeah, he’s a cute guy with a nice bod, but he’s short, he was looked over in high school and Vienna was the self-confident kind of girl who never looked twice at him. Now that girl is doing everything she can do woo him and it was better than he ever dreamed. In a mansion, with champagne and limousines and Maxim models and swimsuit models and 23 other girls falling over him, too.

    They’ve been meeting bi-weekly in a secluded house, under aliases, for 4-5 days each. Their whole world has shrunk to the two of them hiding away in an artificially crafted perfect life. Of course he’s in love, who wouldn’t be? Now that it’s “out”, he’ll get to see her out of bed, away from the naked runs down the beach and will see how she interacts with his friends, family and other people around them. And then he’ll start to see the not-so-attractive person underneath the HS-girl-he-could-never-hope-for. Because he’s gonna realize one day that the scarf-wearing topless Princess, with the tats, and who says “him and me”, with Hooters on her resume and who crashes cars and calls daddy and laughs about it might not be the the one he wants to spend 60 years with. Egads. But in the meantime, the sheet-time is sizzlin’ hot and he can’t get enough of that!

    Btw, Steve, you missed pointing out a few things from ATR last night: (a) Jake’s body language when Tenley kept touching him. He moved away from her in an attempt to get her hands off him. He’s all Vienna’s right now! (b) Vienna’s introduced him to her teeth-whitening buddy who always goes two shades to white. (c) Why did Tenley wear a one shouldered green dress when that’s exactly what Vienna wore on her last day?

    Tenley handled herself with grace and class the whole season, and most especially shone with her attitudewhen she was dumped. BUT. Jake was trying to tell her on the boat that she was b-o-r-i-n-g, that’s why he didn’t pick her. She also was in no way ready for a relationship. She still isn’t. But I hope she gets a great guy in the end, she deserves one.

    PS. I am still laughing at your spot on description of Gia as “that Joker smile”… that’s all I could think of during WTA. I couldn’t have looked at that for a whole season of Bachelorette, even as much as I like her.
    PPS. Why do we have to watch CH be so smug and egotistical all the time? What a jerk.

  30. tuffany

    March 2, 2010 at 6:33 PM

    Ellie 222- Please!! Learn how to spell before you write a novel on what is just a blog!
    Molly_whoever- You and Vienna must go to the same preschool. Boo! Hoo!
    YouareallHUH?- (You’re really Chris Harrison, right?) Nuff said.

  31. lemon-lime

    March 2, 2010 at 6:37 PM

    Youareallnuts: please refresh your memory on the correct use of commas.

  32. lemon-lime

    March 2, 2010 at 6:47 PM

    Jane B: you are correct. It’s sad that a 31 year old ‘man’ still falls for that sort of ‘woman.’
    I can’t say I’m surprised. Jake did dump a girl just to be on the show. He has no character.

  33. longing

    March 2, 2010 at 6:55 PM

    Did anyone see Regis and Kelly this morning??

    Jake admitted on national television that Tenley did not attract him sexually… and that he made up that crap about physical and sexual attraction being 2 different things was so he would not “hurt her feelings”. Oh, Jake your mommy must be SO proud of you now!!!

    Jake is an idiot. I wish I had the ability to create a web site so I could start a “Get Jake Pavalka off TV” site. Then maybe ABC would realize how many people they have pissed off with this crap. He is sub-slime.

    I for one am boycotting ABC until his sorry ass is voted off DWTS.

    The only thing that would make me happy is for Jake to “fall” for the Pussycat Doll……….that would teach Vienna the skanky slut a thing or two!!! ROFLMAO.

  34. poddington

    March 2, 2010 at 7:49 PM

    Regarding janes comment about jake squirming from tenley at aftr…that was crazy. As far as wearing an off the shoulder green dress at atfr…she would not have known vienna wore one at rose ceremony. Plus I guess off the shoulder is all the rage with ali, roz, etc all appearing with one shoulder dresses.

  35. MegD55

    March 2, 2010 at 8:31 PM

    So I just got around to watching this. Though I did appreciate the heads up on some cheesy parts so I could fast forward-gotta love DVR!

    So during the ATFR-did anyone else notice the big day elephant in the room when Tenley was asking Jake what was missing? It was sooo obvious she wanted to say”because I wouldn’t sleep with you” but couldn’t…that spark is basically purely chemical based on hormones released during sex. I know it sounds crazy but sooo many studies discuss the role sex plays in the honeymoon phase of a relationship. So that was a big factor in his choice.

    The second reason Tenley got dumped-Jake knew deep down he didn’t deserve her. This why he couldn’t be himself around her. He kept trying to be the man he thought Tenley deserved. Deep down he knew he couldn’t live up to that. And he was right-she can do way better than him and deserves better.

    So yea-in the end-his decision makes sense. He knows deep down who he is-and he couldn’t be the man Tenley deserves. And I do think he has a connection with Vienna but I do believe sex played a role in that and the honeymoon phase will die out. Plus she gets out of swamp town Florida and he gets another 15 minutes. So win-win for both of them.

    Also another random tangent-some girl posted in the comment section she dated Jake. I know people can make anything up via comments but it sounded very legitimate. Does RS know If there is any truth to that? It sounded rather legitimate…
    Ok sorry so long-just sharing my thoughts.

  36. DameEdna

    March 2, 2010 at 8:44 PM

    Oh my goodness! Who let in the losers from the ABC board?? Honestly! Besides myself, of course, and few others, no one there can spell and has no grasp of logic or reality! Molly and Ellie leading the charge, obviously. Anyway, moving on to more important things:

    I’ve liked Jake all along – until last night. Two left feet, in more ways than one, Steve! He was stepping in it all over the place! Setting up Vienna with his parents, dissing Tenley on the boat, telling us he’s almost let Vienna go “so many times”. Wow. And then the rose ceremony. Uncomfortable to be sure, but if you’re going to break someone’s heart, be a gentleman about it. I appreciated that it must have been hard, and I thought the tears were genuine. Tenley, first of all, should have stopped talking. And there would have been dead air! Jake had nothing to say! I thought he was going to let her down a little better than that. Sure there was something missing, fair enough. But come on. Then he totally clams up??? And then nothing but BYE?? Not even “I’m sorry” Booooooo to that. I don’t care who he picked, but he should have been better to Tenley. And the boat conversation – whoa.

    What I don’t understand is that after all of that Tenley still has questions! He chose someone else over you, Tenley. Just accept it with some dignity, wish him the best and move on – the answer to your question is not going to help you! Especially when it’s being articulated as poorly as it is by Jake the incoherent!! Move on Tenley! And no, you are not going to be friends!!!

    As for Vienna, the only thing I’ve ever said about her is that she needs to change her eyeshadow – a shade I like to call Florida swamp mud. And for some reason she thinks she looks really good in that green colour. But last night’s gown was stellar. I thought she looked great. Tenley did too – but Vienna looked healthy because she wasn’t wearing that gawd awful grey/brown/swamp mud-coloured eyeshadow she wore all season. I thought she looked pretty nice. It’s a horrible show I will no longer watch, but Vienna looked great. Finally.

    ATFR is just whatever. If they’re happy and they get married, then great. As for Ali, well, I don’t care. I don’t think she’s got the goods to carry this off with any dignity. I’m tempted to watch, only because your columns are so hilarious, Steve, but part of me feels like life is for the living – and I’ve already lost so much time!!!! Thanks Steve for a great season. Have a great time in Vegas! I’m sure it will be an “incredible journey.”

  37. GracieQ

    March 2, 2010 at 8:46 PM

    Let Boner-gate begin:

    Check out ~10:15. It’s clear why he chose Vienna–His pants did his thinking for him.

  38. neskowin

    March 2, 2010 at 9:01 PM

    If I hear a phrase with the word ‘journey’ in it again I think I may hurt someone.

  39. franklinfong1800

    March 2, 2010 at 10:09 PM

    You nailed it dude. But the pressure’s on for the Ali show and next Bachelor.

  40. jemerson

    March 2, 2010 at 11:03 PM

    So Flakey Jakey went all the way and asked Vienna to marry him. What a lark. Odds in Vegas have him showing up on the Bachelorette about the 4th week to put a real “stunner” in play. This is so funny, it makes one really wonder about all this middle aged women that actually think this show is real.

    Tell you one thing for sure, Jake is no man. Seriously. Any real man would never be friends with him or include him in the beer drinking group. What a weak one and cheesy moron he is. He would be ridiculed and cast aside by any real men.

    Tenley: glad you got it. All his stuttering about there just was not a spark was clearly explained by RealitySteve. Tenley you just didn’t jump his bones and give him unbridled, wild ass sex like Vienna did. Since he is such a mama’s boy and teen at heart, Vienna made the perfect choice. He always seeks out weak women, that will bang the hell out of him because they are shallow like him, and think his looks and him being a pilot (of some sorts) makes him the “dream date”. You “No Bang”, You “No Select”. Wasn’t is Corrie who learned this lesson? When he was on the date with her, he said all the corny stuff but probably was real attracted to her. But then, oh my, she tells him she is a virgin, and will remain until she is actually married. Flakey Jakey immediately realizes no overnights with her in Santa Lucia, so guess who doesn’t get the rose that night. Easy call!

    One more thing, I just barfat his cheesy lines. They were so bad and so easily spoon fed to him by the producers. It was a gag me everytime he spoke on the series final.

    RealitySteve: you rock. Great insight. Can’t wait for the Bachelorette and see this fake soap opera or galactic proportions take off again.

  41. Zahira

    March 2, 2010 at 11:53 PM

    I’ll be taking a shot everytime Ali says “you kneeeeeoowwww”?
    Looking forward to it.

  42. CWJ

    March 3, 2010 at 5:28 AM

    If I ever hear the word *playful* again, in reference to a [so called] relationship between a man and a woman, I’m going to vomit. Must have been the du jour word of this season.

    Don’t these prudes know how important passionate and electrifying sex is to a successful marriage and relationship ??

    How can any of the blondes comment on anyone’s roots growing in ?? The contestants are sequestered …. with nothing to do but gossip and drink champagne each and every day. Are they ever let out to visit a hair salon ?? [No one ever comments about Madonna and her very dark roots.]

    And spelling comments ?? Perhaps typos would be more appropriate. That’s not the same as grammar. Hearing her and I, etc., so often makes me wonder what my tax dollars are going towards in the school systems in this country, as well as Canada. [Jillian blew me away with her manner of speech.]

    Why is it so shocking that Jake [whom I do NOT like in general] would get excited while rubbing soft mud over any female wearing just enough to pass the review of the censors. Get real, people.

    RS …. love to read your stuff. Plus, look forward to reading your next column about that phoney bitch, Ali.

    I’ll stop here … except to say that I’ve been married a long time, have grown children, was a flight attendant for a major, major international airline carrier for more than 20 years and both [physician] husband and I have passed that magic Medicare eligibility year.

  43. Dianne

    March 3, 2010 at 7:00 AM

    Hey, all you Steve bashers (ie Wes, Molly, bigpop). If you dislike what Steve’s puts out here, then please, for everyone’s sake, TAKE A HIKE!!! Nobody, and I mean absolutely NOBODY, is forcing you to a) visit this blog, b) read this blog, c) comment negatively about this blog. Do yourselves and everyone else a favour and keep your rude comments to yourself.
    Steve, as I always say, YOU ROCK!!! Thank you!!

  44. Dianne

    March 3, 2010 at 7:02 AM

    LMFAO GracieQ..that is hilarious!! Thanks for “pointing” this out, hahaha!!

  45. Zahira

    March 3, 2010 at 7:33 AM

    Dianne :LMFAO GracieQ..that is hilarious!! Thanks for “pointing” this out, hahaha!!

    I don’t see a boner……….

  46. Dianne

    March 3, 2010 at 7:47 AM

    Zahira, then you must need glasses. It’s SO there!!

  47. lithargic

    March 3, 2010 at 7:49 AM

    ” let me just put this as eloquently as I can: Suck it. No, seriously. Suck it. Hard. Ahhhhh”

    Steve, you may have good sources but you’ve got no class at all! I bet your momma is real proud of you!

  48. Dianne

    March 3, 2010 at 7:50 AM


    molly, molly, molly..GET OVER IT!! You are worse than annoying.

  49. lemon-lime

    March 3, 2010 at 10:52 AM

    @lethargic: and I’m sure you behave and speak everywhere as if your mother were there. I’d imagine in your case, you don’t have sex.

  50. Jamz2588

    March 3, 2010 at 11:09 AM

    hey..what’s the details on the vegas trip? I haven’t been able to catch up on your posts, but I’ll be in Vegas this weekend for spring break.

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