I’m shocked I’m even getting a column up today considering the late night last night watching the tournament again. For those interested, I usually fill out four brackets a year. In one of my remaining brackets, I still have all four Final Four teams alive, so let’s just say I’m paying the most attention to that one. Am I fans of any of those teams? Not really. I’m a fan of whoever can win me money, and that’s it. My alma mater’s college basketball team blows, and we didn’t even have a football team, so, I don’t have a favorite college basketball or football team, despite the fact those are my two favorite sports. Go figure. Anyway, this week’s column will cover four shows: “Dancing with the Stars”, “Survivor”, and “Celebrity Apprentice”. But first up, is probably the one I’m looking most forward to.
“RW/RR Challenge: Fresh Meat 2”
I understand that this show that this show might not mean anything to most of you. But it should. Season in and season out, it’s hands down the most entertaining reality show out there. A lot of drinking, a lot of crazy ass sex, fighting, backstabbing, and this season will pit the two biggest enemies against each other – Wes and Kenny. Now the names Wes and Kenny might not mean much to a lot of you, but if you’ve followed their history, you know how important these two are to the pop culture world. Short story: Wes was engaged to Johanna, whom he met on RW: Austin. Then on one of the challenge shows, Johanna started banging Kenny. Wes and Johanna are no longer engaged, and Johanna, I believe, is still with Kenny. Kenny and Wes will be on opposite teams in “Fresh Meat 2”. The end. Let the fighting begin. If this trailer for the new season doesn’t get your blood pumping, then you aren’t alive.
-The girl saying, “Oooohhh yummy” after the new “Fresh Meat” crew is introduced? That’s Jen. She’s a whore with painted on eyebrows. And oh yeah, bisexual to boot. So it’s safe to assume she’ll be playing for both teams during her stay there. That chick can’t keep her tongue out of other people mouths. Or her legs closed for either sex. Needless to say, she provides the nymphomaniac entertainment.
-Curious to see they actually went to a cold weather climate to film this show. I can’t remember the last time they did that for one of these challenges, if they even ever have. It’s always somewhere tropical or hot or where they can get the women wearing as little clothing as possible.
-I want to see who the newest “Fresh Meat” cast member will become the next “lifer”. You know, like Evan? Remember, Evan was never on “Real World” or “Road Rules” before. He was on the original “Fresh Meat” and became so popular, they decided to bring him back for every subsequent season essentially.
-However, Kenny’s two partners-in-crime Evan and Johnny Bananas, aren’t around this season to have his back. I can’t remember how the rules to “Fresh Meat” went, so, I guess I’ll have to wait until the premiere, but if I’m not mistaken, an original cast member is paired up with someone new of the opposite sex. There’s challenges, people get eliminated, and the winning prize this season is $300k. What a life these kids leave. All they do is appearances for money, show up on these shows to win Beats by Dre headphones and a boatloads of cash. Must be a nice life. Let the games begin.
“Dancing with the Stars”
So they’re trying to spice things up and make it a little different this season by having the celebrities not go backstage anymore for their interviews, add Brooke Burke as the co-host, and change up the graphics on the scoring system. The first two I don’t have much of a problem with. The third one? What’s the point of that? We can see the judges holding up their cards giving their votes. Exactly why do we need a graphic to the right telling us “Carrie Ann – 6, Len – 6, Bruno – Flaming”?
When they introduced Shannen Doherty, they said she is best known from her role as Brenda Walsh on “90210”. Says who? I see her best known for her role as Maggie Malene in “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” with Helen Hunt and horse-faced Sarah Jessica Parker. All time classic. Who can possibly forget “Tune in Tokyo”? And here we are, 25 years removed from “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” being released, and still, one of Shannen Doherty’s eyes is higher than the other. Look closely. You’ll see.
I think I was most impressed with Niecy Nash’s performance on Monday. Not necessarily because she exceeded my expectations, but I was quite impressed with all the moves she was able to accomplish while still carrying around all that back fat of hers. I thought she was going to crush Louie when she fell on top of him at the end of the routine since Louie goes about 5 foot nothing and 100 lbs soaking wet.
Now of course, lets talk about our boy Jake. Did he dance horrible? No. But lets not forget, he did the waltz. You can mask your horrible dancing skills when all you have to do is glide across the dance floor. The minute he has to show rhythm with the samba, mambo, salsa, or cha-cha, he’s done. So don’t be fooled by his score of “20” since, of all the dances he could’ve started with, that’s about as easy of one as he could’ve done. Not saying the dance is easy, but for your opening dance, it allows you to mask whether or not you have rhythm, which he most certainly doesn’t.
And for God’s sakes, ENOUGH with the roses. We get it. He was the Bachelor. He handed out roses. Does that mean every single thing he does has to involve roses? Look at what we saw in a 5 minute span:
1. During the live shot before they showed his pre-packaged video, he had a rose in his hand
2. During his video when he first met Chelsie, he gave her a rose
3. Before his dance started, the shot from the crowd showed roses falling from the rafters
4. Once the dance began, he started with a rose in his hand
5. They danced to “Kiss From a Rose” by Seal
Please, someone put an end to this. Please don’t tell me it’ll be like this every week he’s still alive. I might slash my wrists with thorns from a rose if it is. I’m hoping he leaves sooner rather than later, I really do. Just so I won’t have to see Vienna in the audience anymore, or more “Bachelor/ette” representation sitting with her (Gia? Really? Was that necessary?), nor will I have to hear him spew more lines that people want to hear about how proposing to Vienna was the honor of a lifetime or whatever the hell he said. Seriously, shut up. You will be broken up by the time Ali’s season finishes airing. Or, at least until the contract calls for it.
Shout out to the “DWTS” producers: Enough with the casting of 80 year old people. I’m sorry, it’s not cute anymore. Nor funny. Nor inspiring. It’s just dumb. It’s embarrassing. I’m not rooting for Buzz Aldrin (not rooting against him either), but just because you cast an 80 year old doesn’t mean it’s worth watching. I feel sorry for the guy he has to do this. It’s not like he’s gonna improve every week either. What you saw out of Buzz this past Monday is what you’ll see out of him every week he’s there. HE’S 80!!!! What do you expect? You think he’s gonna be flying around out there like Fred Astaire? So dumb. Seriously, put Buzz out of his misery and let him go home now. He can say what he wants, but he doesn’t want to be there, he’s not going to improve, and it’s a side show. Didn’t Ashley get stuck with Master P too? Sucks for her as well.
Did Pamela Anderson get a breast reduction? I remember hearing talks a while ago saying that’s what she was looking in to doing, but I couldn’t remember if she actually did. I mean, those fun bags are still big, but they definitely look smaller than her Playboy/Baywatch/sex tape days. You know, that’s what my friends have told me since I’ve never seen any of those.
Kate Gosselin couldn’t be more hated if she tried. For someone trying to repair her image, she sure as hell is doing a horrible job at it. Didn’t really smile all that much, didn’t look like she was having any fun, and was a horrible dancer to boot. And I think even the judges hate her as well and want to see her gone based on the critiques they gave her. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s gone before Jake is. I have a feeling now after seeing Buzz, Kate, and that Aiden soap opera guy, all three of them could be leaving before Jake. Not good.