For those of you reading this now who haven’t been back to the site since the end of Jake’s season (and that’s plenty of you), you’ve missed quite a lot. Well, basically the whole season. Two weeks ago I released all the spoilers to this season. Every date, rose, scandal, etc. It’s already out there. Under the banner up top, there are the Spoilers Part 1 & 2. Part 1 covers the spoilers broken down into what you’ll see in each episode this season, and Part 2 is the Justin “Rated R” Rego scandal. It needed its own column since it’s a lot more complicated than you think and I wanted to give you the backstory of it. So in order to get rid of repetitive emails asking what happens this season, or what this scandal about, just refer to the spoilers at the top of the page. They’ll have all your answers. Well, most of them. The only thing I don’t know at this point is what the final result of this season is. Obviously I reveal in the spoilers who the final 2 is, and I will repeatedly offer up spoilers during the recap, but as of today, I do not know the final result of the show. Hopefully I will know that soon. And when I do, so will you.
As most people know, I’m a huge sports fan. One thing I’ve always wanted to do in my life was watch a game at Wrigley Field. I’ve also never been to Chicago before. Well, it’s gonna happen now and anyone is invited. I’m coming to Chicago for a weekend in June, and Saturday June 19th, I’ve got bleacher tickets to the Cubs/Angels game that starts at 1:05. Anyone that wants to go, you’re more than welcome to show up. I suggest buying your bleacher tickets off ebay or Stubhub.com, or some seedy scalper. If you are interested in going to the game, email me and let me know you’re in, and I will update you on the plans. Obviously since I’ve never been to Chicago, I’m not familiar at all of where to go, but I have people there who are already in for the game giving me ideas of what to do. Once we finalize where, we will all meet a couple hours before the game to meet up, then head over to the game. Should be a hell of a weekend and I hope you local Chicagoans (is that the right word?) show me all the good places. Hmmmm, maybe I’ll send an invite to Jillian and Ed. Ha ha.
At the end of today’s column, I’m going to give you the details behind Frank’s departure from the show in Tahiti. Like I mentioned last week, this will be something that the show will never portray, but I have the background of what really went down. You can choose to believe the show, or you can choose to believe me and my information. Considering I nailed everything about the first episode, and will nail everything about the remaining episodes, it’s probably a good bet to believe what I tell you. I have no reason to make this stuff up. And if you don’t, well, then you’re just a pawn that the show is playing like a fiddle. More on the Frank stuff later. Now, on to last night.
-Since I already recapped most of episode one a few weeks ago in terms of telling you what was going to happen, tonight’s recap will just be a reaction of things I finally got to see for the first time. Like the montage of Ali at the beginning of the show re-hashing all the stuff with Jake, the phone call, the fights with Vienna, etc. No surprise they were gonna show us Ali saying that she made a mistake choosing her job over love and is ready for this adventure. That was a given. Nothing new there. She’s said it in every single interview she’s done already. I was more impressed she can bounce a soccer ball on her knee four times then bounce it off her head. Outstanding. Had no idea she has the talent of a young Daniel LaRusso in “Karate Kid”. I was half expecting some jealous guy to come into the scene and kick the ball into the ocean for her to go get. Then break her boombox. I’m sorry. But that beach scene in “Karate Kid” is an all time classic. In fact, when I was young and wanted to be Daniel LaRusso, I thought my first encounter with my high school girlfriend would go the exact same way. Uhhhh, I was wrong.
-So they show some of the hometown videos for the guys about to come on the show. No need to comment on all of them, just the ones I felt deserved it.
Frank: Had a great job, quit to move to Paris and work on screenplays, now lives with mom and dad. Frank came across as one of the more likable guys on the show to me last night. I really liked that guy. Too bad he’ll be one of the most hated men in America come Tahiti. Sucks for him. More to come.
Justin: The “Rated R” goober is a bundle already, isn’t he? I don’t even know where to start with this guy. Is he seriously slamming that guys head into a turnbuckle in his hometown video? Yeah, cuz that’s totally something Ali is looking for.
Ty: Ty Brown is the country singer from Nashville. He plays a guitar. Been there, done that. Might as well just refer to him as Ty Hayden this season. Can’t they come up with any original storylines with these guys? I mean, really? Last “Bachelorette” we get a guitar playing country singer, and now another one? Oh wait. I forgot. This show is the same exact thing with the same exact formula every season, just with a different cast. I hope people have come to realize that by now.
Kyle: The outdoorsman from Colorado. He has hunted and conquered just about anything and everything known to mankind. Except apparently a woman. I can’t imagine why. Most girly girls would love to walk into a place like his and see Bambi mounted on the wall. Makes them feel real comfortable and safe knowing the man you’re about to bed down with was skinning a raccoon hours earlier. Very sexy.