Reality Steve

The Bachelorette 6 - Ali

Bachelorette 6 Recap – 5/31/10

-Time for the cocktail party. Or as I liked to call it last night, “More chances for Jonathan to call Craig a jerk off.” Seriously, I had the number of times he called him that at four last night, but I could be off. So lets see, he called the guy “dangerous”, a “jerk off” (four times), “crazy”, and numerous other things, all because the guy teased him a little bit, and did a weatherman fashion show emulating his sweat stains in his shirts. Which I thought was hilarious, as did the rest of the guys. Gee, shocking to see that Jonathan was the only one not laughing. Dude, Craig ate you alive because you let him. Have a sense of humor already. What a wuss. Another thing I noticed about Jonathan is that he has a fascination with pink shirts. How, ummmm, manly of him. It’d be one thing if Craig attacked the guy’s family, or was verbally abusive to the guy, then I could see him being the scared little kitten that he was all night. But good Lord, Craig was being a drunk idiot and just ribbing you a little. That’s what guys do. To quote Ferris Bueller, “If you stuck a lump of coal up Jonathan’s ass, in two weeks you’d have a diamond.”

-Interesting cocktail party that started with Ali pulling aside Chris Lambton. I know that Jesse and Frank were already safe with roses, so they could use that as their excuse for going with the jeans/blazer look at the rose ceremony. But Chris? The guy never got ANY date this week then went with the Mr. Casual look that night. Did someone forget his suit in his room? Then again, this is the same guy who in his profile pic on is in a periodic table of the elements t-shirt, so apparently fashion is last on his list of things of importance. Which probably suits Ali just fine since, if she had it her way, she’d probably wear jeans and a tank top on her wedding day. Oh yeah, and these two both say “wicked” to describe stuff, being from Massachusetts and all. Growing up in California, yeah, I never heard anyone say that my entire life, so naturally, I think it’s stupid word to describe something. Wicked stupid.

-Uh oh. Roberto the overexaggerating baseball player showed up last night. Why didn’t he just break out his letterman’s jacket as well? Really, Roberto? You used to play baseball in college so now you’re Pedro Martinez all the sudden? Dude, you sucked. I already shared your college stats with everyone in this column. You don’t want me to embarrass you again, do you? You were awful in college. “I played in college and then was drafted by the Rockies.” You know how many rounds there are to the baseball draft? Like 175. NBA has two. NFL has seven. Both are televised in prime time. There’s a reason the MLB draft isn’t. Because it takes about a week to finish the thing. If you played baseball in college and DIDN’T ever get drafted by anyone, then you really sucked. So saying you got drafted by the Rockies isn’t going to make her all moist inside. Especially since now you’re an insurance salesman. Apparently that lucrative baseball career you had didn’t pan out quite like you expected, huh? One thing I’ll give Ali credit for? Trying to throw a knuckleball. We know how women are with their nails, so that’s the last pitch I expected her to try. Then again, Ali probably wants to be chewing tobacco and have a spit cup in her hand as her father walks her down the aisle.

-Time for Kasey to get some alone time with Ali. I hope he doesn’t tie her hands behind her back, gag her, throw her into the back of a trunk and drive off. Cuz, uhhhhh, that’s what ABC wants you to think he’s gonna do if he doesn’t get a rose. No, Kasey once again was nervous as hell and talked faster than a speed addict after a case of red bull. Here’s what I made out of what he said: “You look imaginary. Am I in a fairy tale?” Imaginary? Who uses words like that? So lets add that to the list of things I’ve never said or done to a woman. Never picked her up and swung her around, nor have I ever called her “imaginary”. I also haven’t ever described being with someone as if it were a fairy tale. The guy seems genuinely honest when he says this stuff, so I think he doesn’t know any better, but I have no idea where he comes up with these lines. Did he have these rehearsed already? “Guard and protect your heart”, “imaginary”, “fairy tale”, etc. Seems like he should be a tour guide somewhere at Disneyland than on this show. This guy is a piece of work. And while we’re at it, did you notice when Frank came in and c**kblocked him to steal Ali away, Kasey’s shoes were off? What the hell was that all about? Wouldn’t he want her shoes to be off so he could give her a foot massage or something? Kasey is definitely marching to the beat of his own drum. I guess that’s what super heroes with frosted tips do.

-Frank gets his time with Ali even though he’s already safe and lets us know he’s the guy this season who is jealous when she spends time with others. Ahhhh, yet another recurring character we’ve seen for 20 seasons. Frank: “I left that night thinking Ali’s my girlfriend. It’s tough seeing you dating all these other guys.” Wait, I thought Nicole was your girlfriend? I’m getting confused here. Oh wait, she’s your ex that you broke up with before the show, were giddy when you found out Ali was the “Bachelorette” cuz she was your favorite last season, then had “the best first date ever with her” at the Hollywood sign, but will later leave Ali in Tahiti because you want your ex-girlfriend back. Uhhhh, have fun on the firing line at the “Men Tell All” explaining that since now even I’m confused. I honestly want to root for this guy because he’s not a male model who seems full of himself, but man, he’s making it awfully hard based on his decisions. Or, shall I say, decisions he was forced into doing. Talk about getting thrown under the bus. Editing is doing him no favors this season.

-What a surprise, more Jonathan vs. Craig verbal jousting at the cocktail party. And whaddya’ know, Craig is completely bombed again! Holy crap. Did you see him addressing Jonathan and how tanked he was? He could barely complete a sentence. When Craig got alone time with Ali, that was priceless. You could tell the guy was fighting it so hard not to appear as if he was completely shit faced, but the more he tried, the more obvious it was. He kept repeating himself, he had this confused look on his face of, “Oh crap. The more I talk, the bigger of a hole I’m digging for myself”, so he went the easiest route and just kept saying the same things over and over. Awesome. Good thing Ali knows a bad drunk when she sees one. So Craig goes back in the house, knowing that it was obviously weatherman who told Ali he was dangerous, but Craig wants to hear him admit it for himself. Weatherman never does because, according to him, “Whatever Ali and I talked about is private between us.” Huh? What kind of flawed logic is that? Nice excuse. So basically you’re allowed to say to Ali private anything about anyone else, no matter how negative it is, but if Ali repeats it to someone else and they suspect (i.e. – know) it came from your mouth, they can’t question you on it? By that logic, you could’ve told Ali you thought Craig was a pedophile, and if that ever got out, he wouldn’t be allowed to ask if you said it. Sorry Jonathan, you lose again on this one. Craig had every right to grill you since he knew it came from you, and your rebuttal was a joke. So of course Jonathan went to the “jerk off” card again on Craig, making himself look even smaller than he is.

-You know the other thing about Jonathan that drove me absolutely bonkers? How TWICE he ran to Ali to rat out Craig for being mean to him, but then pretending he didn’t want to really tell her. “Well, I don’t want to be that guy but…” Ali: “No, go ahead tell me…” Jonathan: “I mean, I really don’t want to make it seem like…” Ali: “No, it’s ok. I want to know.” Jonathan: “Ok, but just know that…” JESUS, tell her already! It’s exactly what you wanted to do in the first place. Quit acting like you don’t want to tell her. Can you see how much I’m a fan of Jonathan already. I don’t care if Craig is a horrible drunk and instigator. I’d much rather have him in for more episodes that some midget in pink shirts with insecurity issues. I mean, who couldn’t appreciate Craig’s impression of the weatherman and “Rated R” Rego? Priceless. You will be missed, Craig. So will your lovely coiffed hair.

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  1. Santana53

    June 8, 2010 at 8:41 AM

    So, did anyone else notice that for a few seconds during Justin’s walk to Ali’s house in last night’s episode (6-7-10) that the cast on Justin’s leg miraculously switched from his left leg to his right?

  2. soccer12573

    June 8, 2010 at 7:37 PM

    Steve do you know the exact dates Ali and the guys were in New York??

  3. love100

    June 10, 2010 at 2:48 AM

    I actually think Roberto is super fine, don’t have any idea what you’re talking about regarding him, Steve. My bet is that Roberto and Cape Cod Man will be the final two. Those would be my final two. In fact, those are the only two I’d go on any dates with or pay any attention to at all.

  4. You_re_killing_me

    June 13, 2010 at 7:56 AM

    This is a hate-love situation, Steve… I LOVE to read you and I LOL when I read you, I find you hilarious with your cynical (but oh true most of the time) comments and I HATE to know the end of the show. But you are like addictin, cannot stop reading you!
    I am like you, I love to watch people and see little details that not everybody would pay attention at first. It was interesting to watch betwenn ali’s and Jake’s and listen the producer says that he wanted dramas, and half of the people were fake and choosen in this purpose.

    Based on the close up camera and gossips and trailers, me thinking of 4 guys in the end:

    Chris L

    So facts:
    episode 1: one-on-one in the coctail party, Roberto then Chris L
    episode 2: one-on-one in the coctail party, Chris L then Roberto
    episode 3: one-on-one date with Roberto, one-on-one in the coctail with Chris L

    I agree that Kasey was choosen after Craig M departure. They needed drama.

    episode 1: drama with justin
    episode 2: drama with justin and introduction to weatherman/craig
    episode 3: drama with justin, weatherman and craig but departure of craig… leave us one new place for
    episode 4: Kasey! but lets not forget justin and most probably departure of weatherman who remained only for the dramas purposes and departure of Kasey
    episode 5: drama with justin (still around as a back up drama guy) and introduction to Frank’s drama (who does not stand any longer that ali did not make it clear that he was #1). still justin with the lawer craig who is more and more like the superman-justice-cartoon kind of guy TADA!)
    episode 6: justin out!
    episode 7: frank almost out!
    episode 8: frank out!
    episode 9-10: chris L and Roberto
    Last one: Robertooooooooooooooooooo

    Chris L: cape code area, lay back guy, nature guy, jeans guy, sports guy, find him “cute”, easy going, easy guy, family oriented, not a carreer type of guy, Chris L said that he will not proposed unless he is sure that ali loves him, does not really take oportunities to have one-on-one time with ali. Chris L makes her feel confortable but not impressed.

    Roberto: gentleman, manly and has all the outside good looking guy, sports guy, smart/cultural, find him “handsome”, family oriented, carreer and successful guy, Roberto mentionned that he will be the last guy in the end, Roberto knows already what he wants, he showed that he is not afraid to raise his opinion (when he mentions justin to ali in episode 3 and when he was the firs guy to say to justin that they were talking about him after everyone felt ashamed that they were gossiping behind justin’s back), shows to ali that he is there and takes oportunities to have as much as one-on-one time with her. Roberto impresses her in all levels.

    What does that say: Ali is looking for the man in charge. Yep Steve, I agree that some dom/sub would not surprise me! lol

    What about Kirk?… lust and chemistry but nothing serious behind that

    Frank? well… different guy, funny but we know why not.

    So my vote goes to Roberto of course. I think that overall he is the most decent guy of the gang (from what we see of course).

    If a lady mentionned that Chris L said he was single in the plane… and the “see you tomorrow at work” co-worker with the wink? mmmm lets see……..

    Last comment though. Anyone remember the producer saying that half of the people were real and half fake and choosed because of their attitude or weird personalities???? So why everone is always surprised to have a weatherman, a Craig toupet, a “shorter” guy, a wresling guys????

    That is part of the game and that makes us watch each season so closely so far so we can make fun of them, ridicule them, make fun in every way we can and this very confortably in our own sofas, right?

  5. You_re_killing_me

    June 13, 2010 at 8:11 AM

    not shorter but shooter… soweee

  6. susan

    June 13, 2010 at 9:02 AM

    Hi Steve. You said spoilers would be posted in a different area, but you keep telling us who the final two are in your recaps.

  7. You_re_killing_me

    June 13, 2010 at 11:37 AM

    okay. I went to fanofrealitytv forum and no matter what you say, steve, you are wrong! lol
    now they are all complaining that you did not say the F1 like Vienna. GEEE you made your point pretty clear: you-do-not-know-who-is-F1-for-sure.
    Everyone is pointing ChrisL but did not read anything to convince me. They even say that ChrisL wore his family business tee and did not come as clean as people think he is (although promotion about charity or family buz not sure here). Roberto is either one day not enough mature and the following not enough fun because he gets less smiles exposure than ChrisL.

    mmm my question is: on every previous bacheror/ette producer was very addamant to show all along the episode the romantic sides so in the end it was a recap of all the huggggggggge kissy-cuddly moments.

    Now… so far I see a lot of Roberto but not that much of ChrisL. Although in the next episode ChrisL gets to have is one-on-one with Ali. I am curious to see how many minutes Roberto and ChrisL will get total. Anyone got curious about this?

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