Remember, for this seasons spoilers, click on the either of the two links under the banner above (Part 1 & Part 2) for all your answers regarding what happens this season. I’d like to pat myself on the back for having the greatest sources ever. Three episodes in, and they’ve been 100% dead on with everything so far. Not that I ever doubted them for a second, but just wanted to point out how great they’ve been.
For those who haven’t been back to the site since last Tuesday, please scroll down to the next post and read about Emily’s Smile Boxes. The response has been better than even I expected. I can’t thank you readers enough for taking the time to read her story and to donate. In the six days the post has been up, you the readers have donated over $1900 towards helping Emily make more smile boxes for children everywhere. She’s close to being able to deliver another 200 boxes to local children’s hospitals in Dallas, and her mother has informed me, they are also going to drop ship boxes to San Diego, Arkansas, and Boston’s Children’s hospitals. Thanks again for helping Emily and her charity out. She thanks all of you and I do too.
Less than two weeks away from my trip to Chicago and the Cubs/Angels game on Saturday the 19th. One correction: I said the game was a 1:05 start. My mistake. It’s at 12:05. I’m such a know-it-all on all things Chicago, for some reason, I thought they were in the Eastern time zone. Oops. See? I’m a Chicago novice. All those who have said you were interested in going to the game, I suggest you get your tickets soon on Stub Hub or whatever. Unless you plan on greasing some scalper. Those who have emailed me and wanted to be kept in the loop on where we’re meeting and what time, I’ll be sending out an email later this week. Should be a fun weekend. Looking forward to it. The Cubs better win so I can be .15 singing that silly victory song.
As of right now, no, I still don’t know the final outcome of this season. Yeah, it sucks, considering the show has been done filming since the first week of May, but hey, it’s outta my control. My sources have not given me a definitive “Ali picks Chris”, or “Ali picks Roberto”, or “Ali picks no one”, like they did last season when three of them told me, “Jake picks Vienna.” So until I know the final outcome, there’s no point in releasing who the guy is that I know she DIDN’T pick in the final two. The funny thing about this whole thing is, we’re coming up on a month since they’ve completed filming now, and everyone is still disappointed I don’t know the final result. Yet, there isn’t one other credible source out there, either on the internet or any magazine, who has reported the ending either. Have you seen “People”, “US Weekly”, “Star”, “In Touch”, “National Enquirer”, “E Online”, “TV Guide”, “Radar Online”, etc reporting it? Nope. Sure, a couple websites are guessing who it is and claim they know, but none of them had a clue until I told them who the final two were, so how much stock can you put into that? It’s pretty amazing that no credible outlet knows the outcome and has reported it as fact either. Guess they’re all waiting for me so they can claim that it’s theirs. Ha ha. Speaking of…
…A big “screw you” to the “National Enquirer” and “People” magazine for stories they ran the last couple weeks. Both magazines run with their “Ali’s Season Spoilers” column over the last couple weeks, and neither of them reference my site. Look, I have no problem if you want to run with spoilers in your magazine and on your site, but when I’ve had it all out there since May 11th, and you’re JUST NOW running with it like it’s news three weeks after the fact, and don’t even bother to credit me, that’s pretty ridiculous. I’m sure a lot of you read “People” this week. That thing was a joke. Everything was completely ripped from my “Bachelorette Spoilers” at the top of the page. Please. I’ve had individuals from “People” contact me before wanting me to link to their stuff, so it’s not like they don’t know about the site. So ridiculous. I guess I expect it from the “National Enquirer”. But “People”? I thought they were a little better than that. Guess not. That was about the most blatant rip-off of my site without getting credited as I’ve ever seen. But what can you do? Nothing. It is what it is. Just makes them look bad when they try to play it off like it’s “their sources”, when in reality, “their sources” are just telling them what’s on my site. Nice job, “People”. Very reputable. On to last night…
-So as you knew already, Roberto gets the first 1-on-1 as a helicopter takes them to downtown LA to tightrope between two buildings. However, before they get there, Ali must tell us once again how much she hates flying and is scared of the helicopter that is coming to pick her and Roberto up. And oh yeah, Ali jumped into Roberto’s arms and he swung her around. Apparently that’s the way to Ali’s heart. Lift her up, swing her around, and have two-layered thick eyebrows. Not to mention an overexaggerated, failed baseball career. You win Roberto! So Ali tells Alejandro Roberto Gerardo in the helicopter ride over she’s kinda scared. Rico Suave responds with, “If you get nervous, just squeeze my hand.” I’m not 100% sure, but in this case, I’m guessing “squeeze my hand” had an alternate meaning. Like, oh I don’t know, “reach down my pants.” But hey, that could just be a bad assumption on my part. Time will tell.
-More of Ali being smitten with Mellowman Ace. Ali: “Roberto is so protective and manly. He could really be the guy for me.” Is the manly part his awfully shaved eyebrows? Or the fact he brought a baseball glove to play catch with you last week and boast about his once-promising-but-now-failed baseball career? He sure was quite the protector when he selfishly had her lean over and kiss him while they were on doing their best Barnum and Bailey’s high wire act. Couldn’t wait til you got to the end, could ya’ big boy? Nope. You had to make her risk her life just so you could get some action. Who are we kidding? It’s not like either of them would’ve plunged to their death if they fell. We’ve seen in a few recent seasons where the “adrenaline” date always ends up being with someone who makes it as the final one. Jake and Vienna bungee jumped. As did Jason and Molly. I think Jillian and Ed’s adrenaline date had her standing behind him when he emailed Lindsey and Bethany back home and whether or not she could resist whacking him across the face with her Jimmy Choo heels. Can’t remember how that one played out.
-Pedro Martinez informs Ali that Spanish was his first language until he got to first grade. And that he also speaks a little Italian and French. If Ali wasn’t already enamored enough with this guy, my guess is that sent her over the edge. Because as we all know, a guy who’s first language is Spanish, second language is English, and third and fourth are a little Italian and French, well, that’s marriage material right there. Oui, Oui. Lets not forget how beautiful Ali thinks he is, minus the runaway eyebrows. Ali: “One question I have is does he think I’m pretty enough for him.” Wow. Talk about insecurity issues. Yikes. However, I guess we must congratulate Ramon Martinez for being the best looking Latin man to ever walk the face of the earth since Ali apparently can’t even breathe correctly in this guy’s presence. She is either delusional or only dates giant dorks. Or both. Hey, she dated Jake so maybe I’m on to something here. But man, is he really that dreamy? She’s completely flustered every time she sits near the guy and keeps talking about how beautiful he is. It’s ok, Ali. Here’s an oxygen mask. Breathe normally before applying to small children.
-After these two entertain the masses doing their circus act, they have a little dinner together on top of the building. I don’t remember what the hell they said to each other or if they even spoke. Oh wait, yes I do. Ali said as much as she was enjoying dinner, she “didn’t want to be all stiff and at a table.” To which Ivan Rodriguez replied, “That’s funny, because I’ve been stiff under the table the whole time.” Whatever the case, he had to get up while pitching a tent and they went and laid down on a sofa that was conveniently placed on top of a hotel building. That’s normal. This cuddling on the couch led to one of the more puke inducing conversations you’ll ever hear. I think each one just took turns telling the other how cute they were. Can’t remember. I was too busy trying to shove my lung back down my throat after hacking it up. Ali: “You’re so cute.” Roberto Cavalli: “Do you know how cute you are?” Vomit. Everywhere. Now. Well, at least these two are building a relationship on something solid, like looks. Because we know as long as your partner is good looking, everything else doesn’t matter. Hey guys, it really is ok to talk about something else other than his 90’s one hit wonder song and the fact his college ERA was something you’d see from an ice skating judge.