Reality Steve

The Bachelorette 6 - Ali

Bachelorette 6 Recap – 6/7/10

-Time for the Barenaked Ladies group date. Yes, Smash Mouth was playing a gig at a state fair and couldn’t make it. This date really started out awesome. And when I say “awesome” I mean “incredibly white”. Once the bus dropped them off, Barenaked Ladies were playing their one song that anyone even knows, and we got to see one white girl surrounded by nine white guys dancing like, well, 10 white people. It was quite comical. I think even Craig the drunken lawyer got in a Jersey Shore fist pump. Awesome. Please, someone wake me up from my coma when that dance officially goes away forever. I’m sick of it already. The amount of rhythm in that circle of whiteness was sorely lacking. In fact, I don’t even think any of the guys were dancing. Hey, I’m no Danny Terrio, but I’d sure as hell dance circles around those nine jag offs trying to impress Ali. Don’t believe me? Someone go back to my high school archives and check out the sophomore year lip sync contest where, yes, I actually lip sync’ed to Gerardo’s “Rico Suave”. One of my finer moments in life. The tape is out there somewhere, but I sure don’t have it. However, the dancing skills were impeccable. All the dance floors in Chicago better clear out when I arrive.

-Craig the drunken lawyer, not to be mistaken for me, must still be living in 1998 since he thinks chilling with the Barenaked Ladies is gonna get him laid back home. Craig: “All my friends back home will be jealous of me that I get to be in a Barenaked Ladies video.” Really? People in Philly care about this band? I’m sorry to hear that. Changes my impression of Philly quite a bit. I thought they’d be much more interested in how the Phillies offense is currently the most pathetic thing going right now in the NL. And aren’t they still busy booing Donovan McNabb out of town? Call me crazy here Craig, but I’m getting the sense none of your friends will give a sh** about you fist pumping in a Barenaked Ladies video. While we’re on the subject of Craig, lets please put a moratorium on all the emails to me suggesting I look like him. I don’t see it. As I said last week, I’m much much handsomer. And sober. No, I don’t care that handsomer is not a word. It is now. Now if Craig wants to run around telling people he looks like me, by all means, have at it. But I don’t look like him. If that makes any sense.

-So the video starts shooting with all the guys in different scenes, but lets be honest, the only scene worth talking about was the weatherman’s. I never thought ABC would allow girl-on-girl kissing so early in prime time, but last night, it happened. Weathergirl couldn’t have been any more nervous, uncomfortable, awkward, and just downright creepy kissing a girl if he tried. I’m guessing he even urinated down his own leg at some point. Has he never been with a woman before? How can a grown man (I think) act like such a weenie with a female in his presence? And what’s his fascination with leaning in to whisper stuff to Ali? “If you don’t feel comfortable, you don’t have to do this?” Is this what he tells all his victims? I guess now we know why she kicks him to the curb next week. Funny how they’re portraying Kasey as the obsessed one, when in reality, its this creeper you should hide all the women and children from. I’ll admit, last night I was at a watch party with four females and I think each one of them squealed during that scene or turned their heads. Weatherchick has absolutely zero game and I cannot believe Ali even forced herself to shove her tongue down his throat. The worst part is, that won’t be the last we’re seeing of Jonathan. Yes, he’s also on “Bachelor Pad”. I will have an updated list at the end of the column with a few new names that I’ve heard are in filming right now.

-Frank had the first scene with Ali in video shoot. Apparently they stole a script from some porn shoot over in the San Fernando Valley since the dialogue couldn’t have been any worse. Frank walks in, “Hey baby…so do you have a bf?”, then within minutes they’re humping or whatever before she slaps him and walks away. Why not just have Frank show up as the pizza guy before he lays her down on the bed? So, are the Barenaked Ladies actually using this as their video? Really? This video sucks. So dumb, not funny, and from what I gathered, it basically shows Ali as a whore bedding down with nine different guys. Who came up with this brilliant idea? Well, except for John C. who gets left in the bathtub by himself as Ali walks out. Now that was funny. Pretty much foreshadowed what was to come for him later. Put it this way, John C. was given that scene for a reason. Ali didn’t want him anywhere near her. Sucks to be him. And Frank gets the scene where she slaps him? I’m guessing she’ll want to do much, much worse things to him come Tahiti time. Like, I don’t know, slice him to pieces with a butcher knife.

-Kirk got the best part of the video. He basically got to roll around and dry hump Ali on a bed for what seemed like eternity. Funny how all the guys Ali has had a good makeout session with are all the guys that get to the end. Well, not funny. Just highly coincidental. I’m just curious, did Kirk have to wear a condom for that scene? It sure looked like he needed one considering Ali was half naked under the covers and he was shirtless. Some of you last season were so upset Ali was named the “Bachelorette” over Tenley. Well, last night you got your answer as to why. There isn’t a chance in hell Tenley ever would’ve agreed to do that scene, even if it was acting. I don’t have a problem with Ali doing it though. Not to mention the nightie she was wearing. I’m sorry, but I’m a sucker for lingerie. Yes, I understand that eventually it all comes off at some point, but hey, I’m one that can appreciate a good lace outfit that matches. Actually, I don’t care if it matches. Ladies, here’s a tip: You know how sometimes you get paranoid that your top and bottom aren’t matching? We don’t care. Never have, never will. And if a guy is in the heat of the moment, yet gets turned off because you have on a pink bra with purple boy shorts, then he’s gay. Words of wisdom from me. Hope that helps. I’m full of little tidbits today, aren’t I?

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  1. HomelessTurtle

    June 11, 2010 at 10:00 AM

    God, I just have to comment on the Bachelor Pad. THANK GOD that John Hardesty is not on the show. I live in his town and we would NEVER hear the end of it. He thinks he’s super hot shit because he was on the show. I want to just yell at him “Getting sent home on the FIRST night is HARDLY being a contestant on the show!” And he goes to all the reunions and cruises and stuff. It’s pathetic.

  2. meggox3x

    June 11, 2010 at 11:14 AM

    Oh please. He’s not being sexist at all. Steve, this column made me die laughing and your blog is the only reason I will even watch The Bachelorette. I think weathervagina is HILARIOUS and making fun of Roberto is too. He’s not AMAZING looking, just decent. The eyebrows bother me too. Thanks for another great upate.

  3. bachelorwatcher

    June 11, 2010 at 11:51 AM

    wow ok first of all… Ali I’m sure didn’t mean, “I’ve never had to worry about this before.” In terms of her always feeling beautiful enough for the guy. I’m sure she meant it as she’s never had to worry if she was good enough for the guy; if he liked her too. Also, with editing it’s quite possible that was taken out of context. Something else I want to say you to you Steve, is that you badger this guy Craig for being such a drunk… he has pointed out from day one that he doesn’t trust Justin and that there’s something he’s hiding, and apparently is completely right about that. He was one of the first guys to point that out. So why are you always making fun of him for giving him a hard time, when he rightly should be? Also, you have been making a point to say that you do not look like Craig… as if that’s an insult to you. He was shown topless and has a pretty decent body. So if I were you, I would enjoy having people compare you to him… cause it’s pretty obvious you guys are quite different in that department. Not putting you down… just sayin’. Also, you are ripping some of these guys apart for being this or that, and calling the weatherman every name in the 5th grade handbook of boys making fun of other boys… yet you are the one that devotes a blog to writing about a show called the Bachelor/Bachelorette, and hangs out with groups of WOMEN to watch it with. I’m not sure if you think by watching it with a group of women that somehow makes you more masculine… but it uh, pretty much makes you sound like you are just as estrogen filled as them. Don’t get me wrong, I love reading your blog… it’s well written, funny, informative. But go a little easy on ripping some of these guys masculinity apart. They do after all have real jobs and hobbies that don’t include watching shows like these then dissecting them apart. If you can dish it you can take it, so don’t take too much offense at my post being mostly directed at you. 🙂

  4. bachelorwatcher

    June 11, 2010 at 11:57 AM

    so more comments appeared after I submitted my comment that I hadn’t read before… so now I feel better about sort of saying shame on you for ripping the guys apart. Sounds like I’m not alone in feeling that way. The other posts got me thinking that yeah, you are coming across sounding a little jealous of some of these guys. So far Roberto has done nothing to act like a douche, and he’s super attractive. Why are you tearing him apart for something so superficial, and laying into him about a failed baseball career. Give the guy a break! You wouldn’t have lasted past the first episode with Ali, so stop hating on the guys that get all this time with her.

  5. kbwatcher

    June 11, 2010 at 8:43 PM

    in the scene where justin walks to ali’s house and she is in the interview justin crutches with his left leg broken and then there is a part where his broken leg is the right one. Has anyone else noticed that? Is his leg really broken or is it just to get a sympathy vote?

  6. carol1975

    June 12, 2010 at 10:32 AM

    Thank you to everybody who commented on how racist and kinda jealous Steve sounds when he bashes Roberto. He can make fun of him all he wants without crossing the racial line.
    Also, everybody talks about how this show is so fake and staged, did anyone ever consider that maybe they could be using Steve to serve their purposes? Maybe they are all in on it: Justin, Ali, his 2 ex girlfriends and they are just using this website to create momentum on a show that without all this drama would fall really flat. T
    That is why they dont give a damn if Steve spoils the whole season. People are still watching it and it even creates more expectation. I wouldn’t even be surprised if Steve’s informant is someone sent by the producers.

  7. bachelorwatcher

    June 12, 2010 at 10:37 PM

    be sure to read through what everyone else posts before you comment… it will save you some trouble since things like the comment above about the cast “switching legs” gets answered. And I’m saying that in a nice way! Cause I have done that same thing and wrote out a comment only to read others later repeating the same thing.

    I wanted to respond to carol1975’s above… I had mentioned in a previous comment on another blog, that I also think producers are in on sending people to Steve… or at least totally ok with him giving things away. For all we know, Steve is in on it! There’s no way a show on a network like ABC would just sit back ok with some guy blogging all about the complete ending to the show if it was actually bothering them. Plus by now, they would totally change up the format of the show if they thought his blog was posing a problem. The thing is, I don’t really think Steve is out to sabotage the success of the show… besides totally unfairly berating some of these guys, he pretty much gives insight and thoughts about the show that make watching it more enjoyable. Plus, without the show Steve would disappear… so he wants the show as much as it might want him. People that want to watch obliviously will always do that, the majority not even knowing this site exists. Others that would never watch it, are helping ratings and watching so they can put the show down and make comments on blogs like this. Win win for everyone!

    Side note… does anyone remember that ONE season of The Bachelor when it started out with two bachelors Byron Velvick and some other white haired guy and the women voted on which guy they wanted?? Obviously Byron won and then ended up with Mary Delgado who appeared on Bob’s show first… but that’s the only time I recall them changing the format of the show much. I didn’t like it at all because I liked the other guy, so from episode one you just end up pissed that you are stuck watching someone like Byron be the Bachelor.

    Bachelorettes in Alaska anyone?? hahaha

  8. Gronnow

    June 13, 2010 at 5:13 AM

    Nearly wet my knickers at “weathervagina”! =D

  9. eloquentblue

    June 13, 2010 at 10:28 AM

    My initial reaction to Craig M was that he looked like Patrick Dempsey but I can see Steven Weber, too. Good call on that one.

    I have to agree with the poster above about the obvious things happening particularly on Episode 3 .. all the stuff with Justin, etc.

    I have read a few times now that some believe that Ali picks no one and that Roberto is the next Bachelor. Interesting enough but I wish they would stop recycling the contestants and pick new people. When there is history, there is too much assumption and speculation (IMO).

    Weathervagina .. omg .. that was freakin hilarious. Jonathon is such a wuss and to think he has to return to his own on-job air with that reputation. Sounds like Katy Perry has kissed more girls than he has …….

  10. sp1606

    June 13, 2010 at 11:50 AM

    )kay, I’ll venture a wild guess on what will happen in the finale. Ali is obviously in love with Roberto, so she will offer him the final rose. However, Ali will not get a ring from Roberto. He won’t get down on one knee and propose to her. Roberto is undoubtedly flattered by the barrage of compliments from Ali, but he certainly does not seem too taken with her.. “Do you know how cute you can be?” Seriously?! Does that sound like a man who’s in love?!?

    Remember Ali saying at some point that her biggest fear is that the man she ends up choosing may not love her back? That may just happen with Roberto.

    Oh yeah, and Roberto will end up being the next Bachelor. Of course, this is merely my UNinformed opinion. For the real scoop on what’s really going to happen, I rely on the same trusted source as the rest of you are: Reality Steve. 🙂

  11. You_re_killing_me

    June 13, 2010 at 12:01 PM

    I recall that Justin said that he always played the villain as a westler and being exposed to public he knows what to say and play puppy eyes when needed. So it was the perfect choice for the producer to use him and most probably make an agreement with him to spice up the show.

    Weathervagina is like the guy who was a foot fetish. The choice to take him (and most probably asked ali to keep him) is also to spice up. At first I felt some pitty for the guy since some of the other guys were pretty mean to him but after 2 times running in ali’s skirt… nope, no more pitty, just annoyance!

    Same with Craig-Toupette. I mean it does not take long to know that this guy is arrogant. Nobody talked about the way he was cruising a girl at a front of a bar within his introduction? alllooooo wake up! you are going to meet ali? Plus the alcool problem. yep! great catch for the producer on this one too!

    Okay who is left? Kasey! Have you noticed that nothing was said against Kasey in the first 3 episodes and looks like in the 4th he becomes the stalker-serial-crazy-suicide guy all of a sudden? Poor him. I am pretty sure he was sincere and was already in love and made wedding plans before his arrival.

    If everyone listen the trailers they will notice that all the talking are mixed. When ali is upset and crying this is about frank not justin. I am pretty sure at that point that she did not trust justin at all but yet again the producer asked her to play along.

    How far the producer knew about justin’s girlfriend BEFORE the show… mmmm interesting question no?

  12. You_re_killing_me

    June 13, 2010 at 12:03 PM

    ps…. roberto is sure incredibly yummy on top of being smart and manly and gentleman and… oh well, you get the picture :p

  13. reel_nut

    June 13, 2010 at 9:33 PM

    YES, now you guys are on the right track

    Justin likely came straight out with his lil plot idea. Translation: the producers did not have to find out _he told them, I have 2 girls both ready to be a part of this plot.

    And that, plus his obvious talents & good looks (admit you guys he is quite good looking) got him casted.

    But then what you expect???? — Ask yourself if you were a producer on a net work show, would you rely on LUCK alone to have enough material to put together a 10 episodes series?

    OR … would you go the rout these producers take which is to (every season) ***make sure to cast aterial and drama. Every season they obviously make sure to cast someone to be the fly on the ointment, plus a few extra one trick ponies as side liners.

    This year’s crop included: Puffy hair brooding/ confrontational Craig. And he only could do 2 shows do to his other gig (the new reality show he was casted to do on ABC)

  14. reel_nut

    June 13, 2010 at 10:46 PM

    Sorry, my post somehow posted itself (translation:all of the sudden it went out without my hitting “submit.”

    But on my list of ***casted intentionally*** _in other words, contestants that applied for the show pitching ideas of how could the producers use them, in my humble opinion are:


    _Puffy hair Craig_ he was a one trick pony … well, maybe 2 tricks: the brooding/ menancing look & his fierce confrontational skills. And he exited early to work on his hair in preparation for his second ABC gig (=the new show _whatever deal they had with him obviously included a guaranteed spot on the new ABC reality show.

    _Jonathan_ now here is a veteran in front of the camera. To get to be weatherman on a news show is not that easy _not to mention that the job requires some on camera interaction ,, some barbs exchanged & the emotional basket case we see in the Bachelorette could not have possibly attain, let alone hold such a job for any length of time. Translation: it takes a big bag of money & in this case a 2 show deal, to get a guy like that (=someone who at least went to college & were a public figure at least in his neck of the woods to play such a complete wuss on National TV. Besides, does anyone see a remote connection between this guy & Ali, anything to justify him getting 3 roses? If anything Ali’s expression said it all on episode 3 _her body language & facial expressions when interacting w/ Jonathan both in the filming of the video & later as he approached her was one of revultion. It is beyond me how she were able to kiss him. Yet he got a rose.

    Now, the last on my list of intentional cast*** is

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> F R A N K <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

    Now when I read Reality Steve's spoilers, I thought Frank was for real. But there is a difference between words attributed to someone in print & to hear & watch them deliver them.

    80% of communication is non-verbal & when in doubt as to the truth experts advise us to listen to the non=verbals.

    In Frank's case … if you pay close attention to his expression, his tone, his lacking energy level & his body language as his delivered his message du jour repeatedly he was robotic & not credible at all.

    He looked like a man who would rather be getting his tooth pulled than to stand there stating these ridiculous & untruthful lines in front of a camera & knowing he would have some explaining to do to his favorite aunt & everybody else in his life .. and especially knowning his real serious g/f would be dissecting the scene ready to pounce on him should at the slightest sign that he meant what he said.

    Ironically, Franks REAL LIFE & REAL STORY = JUSTIN'S BS 1 G/F.

    I believe Frank & his g/f were the ones that had a pact, that he would go on the show to self promote & put out feelers amongst the Hollywood types … maybe peddle an idea of his for a sit com he dreams of writing, plus get at least a little money for their wedding & honeymoon out of it. But the producers of the Bachelor really lost on this one, because so far Frank’s acting leaves a lot to be desired not to mention his over all entertainment value. He is about as exiting as watching a poker tournament on the tube.


  15. reel_nut

    June 13, 2010 at 11:02 PM

    I meant to say ***

    Ironically, Franks REAL LIFE & REAL STORY = JUSTIN’S BS minus 1 G/F.


  16. mwill2807

    June 14, 2010 at 2:00 PM

    I’ll have to disagree with you about Chris N. being the ONLY one that has been on the show who has not said a word. Jessi from Jake’s season seemed to never be on camera unless she was close to Jake or one of the other girls. They never seemed to interview her, or put her 1 on 1 time with Jake on the show…ever. I only remember seeing her talk to Jake, when she talked about how much Vienna wasn’t good for him, right before she was kicked off….
    Just sayin’

  17. bunny2

    June 14, 2010 at 7:20 PM

    Kasey is the Michelle from last season with the doofus….he scares me and he should Ali….thanks for the warning Steve….what a joke…probably a total plant for the psycho shit! I love knowing all of the stuff in advance….I do kind of like Kirk though!!! Darn he goes home

  18. dnai

    June 14, 2010 at 7:31 PM

    I thought it was a bit peculiar that Chris who took care of his dieing mother takes care of Ali on their first date.

    Oh yay! The weatherman is gone.

    Wonder how much they paid Kasey to get that tat??

  19. darayn

    June 14, 2010 at 10:11 PM

    After tonight’s (6/14) episode, if I EVER hear ‘guard and protect your heart” again…I am pulling my hair out. Not drinking tonight, but if I was, I’d be wasted playing the ‘guard and protect’ game!!! Can’t wait for the update tomorrow!

  20. JustJenna

    June 15, 2010 at 1:59 AM

    Hey Steve, any chance you could get an interview with Kasey after his exit? I’d love to find out if he was paid to get the tattoo, whose idea it was, and whether “guard and protect your heart” was something HE came up with or the producers did.

  21. gqueen

    June 15, 2010 at 6:58 AM

    Okay Steve, after reading your site for a few years I am finally becoming a member and writing a post.

    You HAVE to tell me who gets sent home on the finale. I know you don’t know yet if she picks anyone and I am willing to accept that but please tell me who she DOESN’T pick for sure.

    The suspense is killing me more this year than any other. Cough up the info Steve, that is why we all come here =)

  22. JT2312

    June 15, 2010 at 11:27 AM

    Your right about Rico’s big ol’ bushy brows. But I guess that doesn’t matter to the lady’s. My wife and her sister sit there and drool every time they show a shot of this guy.

  23. squid

    June 15, 2010 at 9:46 PM

    Steve– what’s the deal with the racism and homophobia that has suddenly started to creep into your columns? I really used to enjoy reading these, and they provided a snarky and fun companion to my totally embarrassing trainwreck-of-a-night watching of “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette.” But lately your column has often made me angry. Example in this edition: the constant attempts at humor with your borderline homophobic jabs at weatherman Jonathan… I think the instances of this are about as high in number as Kasey’s “guard and protect her heart” comments. Seriously, repeated name-calling like this is puerile and not that funny; it only makes you seem like a loser.

  24. 1blue1pink

    June 16, 2010 at 5:51 PM

    Hey Steve: thoughts on this website revealing F1 as Chris Lambton?? Looks like someone beat you to it w/ insider info!

  25. glitzgirl

    June 21, 2010 at 9:29 AM

    I’m probably going to become the most unpopular person on this site but I have to defend Weatherman. I lived in Houston for awhile and always watched him on t.v. He made weather very interesting and entertaining at the same time. Jonathan was very well liked in Houston and brought alot of viewers to his station. My take on him re: this show is that he has more dignity than the other men and is the only one who actually treated Ali with respect. There was more making out this season than any other and, let’s face it, none of it was real. I’m glad he’s off the show because he’s too good for it. And, yes, it’s soooo very obvious that most of the show is contrived.

  26. penguinfan01

    June 21, 2010 at 2:01 PM

    Hi Steve: Love the site, keep up the good work. I saw Ali interviewed on a program, and she said the ending would be “history making”. Whatever that means? Could that mean that no Bachelorette has ever not picked someone at the end? I know that Bachelors have not picked someone at the end. You keep posting, and I’ll keep reading.

  27. glitzgirl

    June 22, 2010 at 6:45 AM

    Now that Jake and Vienna have split, what is the chance he’ll be going after Ali?

  28. Natalie_Ann

    June 22, 2010 at 7:53 AM

    Wow Vienna and Jake have broken up and Ali is single. I bet Jake and Ali will give it another shot.

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