Remember, for this seasons spoilers, click on the either of the two links under the banner above (Part 1 & Part 2) for all your answers regarding what happens this season. Part 2 is all about Justin’s scandal next week involving his girlfriend. Might wanna freshen up on that before next Monday to get the background of how it all goes down.
For those that haven’t been back to the site since last week, I posted Friday where everything stands in regards to the final two and what I know. Go back and read it if you haven’t. However, I have a new update. Now I have absolute 100% confirmation that Ali is single. She chose no one. Don’t know who came out of the limo first, don’t know if either of the guys proposed, don’t know what she said to them. All I know is Ali did not choose either Roberto or Chris and is single. I knew my sources would come through for me. So whatever you hear over the next six weeks in regards to rumors she might be with one of them, don’t listen to it. Can’t make it any clearer. Ali is single. And no, just because Jake is single now does not mean he and Ali are gonna end up together. That’ll happen around never. Already people are speculating he’ll try and get her back or something ridiculous. I’m telling you, it’s not gonna happen so don’t bother hoping it will. UPDATE: Well, here’s the proof. Ali has already addressed it and says there’s no chance. Click here to read what she says.
I’d like to thank the patrons of Chicago this past weekend for a crazy ass weekend. My liver thanks you too. We are currently in a fight and not talking to each other. In a nutshell, your city probably doesn’t want me back anytime soon. The Cubs suffered their worst home shutout loss in 22 years on Saturday. Ummmm, you’re welcome? I stood in the baking sun behind the centerfield camera for pretty much all of it. That was a treat. Wasn’t a 1000 degrees or anything either. So from Harry Caray’s, to Murphy’s Bleachers, to Casey Moran’s, to a nice power nap, then back out to the Randolph Street festival, to pizza at Market, to the Blue Frog, to Butch McGuire’s, I’d say a lot of alcohol was consumed. Not to mention eating like a pig. Good times all around, it was great meeting everyone that I did, and I hope to do it again sometime.
If I’d thought I’d seen it all with this show, it didn’t officially happen til yesterday when the Canadian celebrity gossip website ZackTaylor.ca posted pictures from an event over the weekend in Toronto of Justin “Rated R” Rego and Snooki together looking awfully cuddly with each other. Oh lord. Could you imagine those two pro-creating? I swear, the baby would be born with orange skin and bad acting skills. What’s next? Kasey gonna hook up with Audrina? Maybe Ty Brown is gonna knock boots with Crystal Bowersox? Justin and Snooki? The world as we know it is coming to an end. Unreal. Maybe they should somehow incorporate Snooki into season two of the “Bachelor Pad” and make sure Justin is on it. They can have a 1-on-1 at the tanning bed then go fist pumping at a club. I might order that on Pay-Per-View.
I wanted to point out is that there’s another cruise happening next January with former “Bachelor” contestants. However, this one is being hosted by Reid Rosenthal and I’ve joined up with them to help let my readers know more about it. I still don’t know if I’ll be attending, but you can get a discount by booking the promo code “Reality Steve” at the time of your purchase. In addition, and one of the big reasons I decided to attach my name to this, is that every one of my readers that books using this promo code, the cruise will donate $20 to Emily’s Smile Boxes. All the details you need to know about the cruise are in the link provided below, but I can say that they just added Justin “Rated R” Rego to it as well. So ladies, go try stealing him away from Snooki! For all your information regarding the trip, click on this site:
You don’t have to pay all at once, and you can pay a deposit now and be eligible to win the rest of the cruise fare free. Check out the site, and since I know a ton of you ladies still think Reid is the greatest thing since sliced bread, well, now’s your chance to spend a few days with him.
Do I really need to give my thoughts on Jake and Vienna’s break up? Uhhhh, it’s not like anyone in America couldn’t see this coming. OK! Magazine broke the story late yesterday, a rep for Jake confirmed it, so it’s looking like it’s official. Look, for everyone that said they looked so in love at the ATFR show, and she supported him through DTWS every week, and all their twitters about how in love they were and she was buying her wedding dress soon, blah blah blah blah blah. On and on they went, and they didn’t even last six months. Less than a month ago, Jake’s crying on DTWS telling everyone he’s met his best friend, and now they’re done. The more these people shove it down my throat how in love they are, the more I don’t believe it and feel they are trying to convince themselves that they are. I say it every season: Until we see the final couple actually walk down the aisle is when I’ll believe they’re in love. Until then, I do not care about what appearances you’re doing, or where you’re vacationing, or anything going on in your life. Neither should anyone else. The funny thing about all this is, I’m much more inclined to believe the stuff coming out of Vienna’s camp as to why the break up happened than Jakes. The guy is a fraud. He was from the minute he returned to the show rat out Wes and the request of the producers. Anybody that can’t see this guy isn’t genuine is missing a few brain cells. The guy was out for attention from the get go. The same result would’ve happened if he chose Tenley. Has nothing to do with the girl and everything to do with him.
If anyone is shocked by this, you need your head checked. These people are living in a fantasy world on the show. When the real world kicks in, and the Hollywood lifestyle is over, they fail. Like clockwork. They’ve only had 2 out of 19 marriages for a reason. And if you think Jillian and Ed are getting married, you’ve got another thing coming. Amazing what you hear when you visit the city Jillian and Ed live in for a weekend, and I’ll just leave it at that. I said Jake and Vienna would never walk down the aisle back when I first told you he picked her. I don’t think I was going out on a limb there. The bottom line is, people close to the situation will tell you, Jake Pavelka agreed to be the “Bachelor” for one reason and one reason only: to be back on TV so it would get his acting career restarted. I heard it all season long from numerous sources. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar. Good riddance Jake and Vienna. Now go away forever. Note: Ali’s season ended filming in beginning of May. Jake and Vienna just broke up. So no, Jake will not be making an appearance on Ali’s season unless he has the ability to time travel. Let’s see how many emails I get asking “You think Jake comes back to the show and asks Ali back?” even though I put it in bold…ha ha.
-As for the “Bachelor Pad”, I’m gonna come back tomorrow with a column for a few of my early thoughts based on the press release and the cast photos that were released. And yes, I am smiling at the fact that I released the full cast list a day before ABC made it official. Apparently they can’t beat me to anything this season. That’s too bad. No really, it is. I’m thoroughly enjoying this. They should be wrapping up filming soon, and by what was said in the press release, I definitely have a few thoughts on what we should expect to see. I’m glad that they are going to use the outside relationships some of these people have had/are having as storylines on the show. It’s basically gonna be exactly like the RW/RR Challenges. I mean, I’ve known for a while that Jesse Kovacs and Elizabeth Kitt have been screwing like rabbits ever since the Breckenridge reunion – among other things. So there’s no doubt they’ll be trying to play hide the pickle in the mansion. That’ll be entertaining. Funny how the same girl who wouldn’t let Jake even kiss her unless she was the final one has no problem giving it up to a guy in Colorado during a reunion. Hey. True love if you ask me. More on all this and the hooking up tomorrow. Onto last night…
-I tell you what. That was a pretty boring episode last night. Not a lot happened at all. Yet somehow I’ve got pages of notes in front of me. Go figure. When the episode started off, Ali was giving us a history lesson of Iceland telling us this was their first exploding volcano in 200 years. I’m sure she knew that from all the extensive research she did before arriving there. Well, either that or the producers handed her a piece of paper and said, “Read this”. Yes, I know that Ali was a 4.0 student at Clark College, but knowing when the last time some volcano got off in European country might be a little too nerdy even for Ali. Put it this way, I hope she didn’t already know that or my image of her will be blown. And I totally won’t want to make out with her anymore like I do right now. That’s gotta be disappointing for her to hear. Someone break that to her lightly. She’s going through a difficult time right now, you know, being alone and all. I’ll cuddle with her.
-Group date brings the guys out in parkas and gloves so they can write Ali a love poem outside in the freezing cold Iceland. They’ve one hour to write it, and best poem gets a 1-on-1 with Ali. Kasey figures since he’s the pimp daddy of all things rhyming and lovey dovey, this one’s like shooting fish in a barrel. Kasey: “I’m your man. I’m your guy. I’m your heart.” Hey, guess what? Kasey mentioned hearts again this week. Like 5,000 times. Guarding, protecting, eating, kicking, hitting, playing…all kinds of things he wants to do with them. When Kasey was a kid, and he played the game “Operation”, did he always go after the heart first so no one else could have it? On Valentine’s Day, does Kasey get bothered when other people give away the candy hearts and not just him? Does Kasey sleep on a heart shaped bed? Is Corey Hart his favorite singer from the 80’s? Was his favorite 80’s drama “Hart to Hart” or the “Newhart” show? Does he have the “Rocky IV” song “Hearts on Fire” in his ipod? Ummmm, Kasey likes all things hearts is what I’m getting at. And oh yeah, this poem contest proved my time tested theory when they were trying to get help from the local Icelandic people: Iceland hates Justin. They can spot a wannabe wrestler from miles away.
-Holy sh**! Chris N. is speaking and it’s in the first 10 minutes of the episode! AAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! “I don’t have a lot of experience writing poems. A lot of pressure on this.” Wow. Riveting stuff, dude. I liked it better when you didn’t speak. Just those words put together consecutively in that sentence put my ass to sleep. Has anyone in this show’s history ever made it to the top 7 and had less coverage and less interesting things to say than that guy? Didn’t think so. And if I haven’t gotten enough “Kasey’s voice is weird. Is he deaf” emails already this season, now that Chris Lambton clowned him during his poem last night, I’m sure I’ll get more. Chris basically said he couldn’t understand a word Kasey said in his poem because his mouth was frozen and he was mumbling. Oh boy. Here come the masses to back up Chris. Good thing they did put the subtitles in though. Listening to him talk was giving me Sun and Jin flashbacks from “Lost”. Not that he was speaking Korean, but moreso that the cold and his fast talking made it seem like he had a bag of marbles in his mouth.
-I’m not gonna over all these poems because, well, it would take much too long and they all sucked anyway. Ummmm, especially Chris N.’s. Wow. Maybe there’s a reason we didn’t see the guy speak for five episodes. He’s got the personality of a broomstick and the charm of a cardboard box. Here was the first part of his poem. Chris N. “Ali, I believe we need to go out, heat up Iceland, and head out…” How about you do us a favor there Champ and stop talking. It’s hurting my head. I’m sure Chris is a great guy and his friends and family think he’s a great catch, but man, he seemed to fit on this show about as well as Tiger does with a black woman on his arm. Chris N. will go down in infamy as the guy who lasted the longest yet contributed nothing to the show. There are some people that come on this show and leave a lasting impression on your for years to come. Uhhhh, Chris N. was not one of those people. I’m sure even his family sat around watching the show asking, “Hey, who is that guy she keeps giving roses to? Chris, is that you? I mean, I thought you left us for a few weeks to be on the show, but I can’t tell.”
-So the poem contest came down to two people since the first seven guys sucked donkeys: Kirk and Frank. And these rocket scientists somehow didn’t learn anything from Roberto’s “Lion King” date where he actually looked at Ali and sang to her as opposed to staring out into space and singing. Kirk went before Frank, so he walked up to Ali, held her hand, told her something about her freckles and that made her all giddy. I think Frank lost because anything he did to her afterwards just seemed like he was copying Kirk. Well, minus the Wisconsin accent. Frank’s poem was funnier I thought, but well, Kirk is the in final four and hasn’t gotten any real 1-on-1 time so looks like it was his turn in the rotation to get one. We’re two episodes away from the final four. Probably wouldn’t make sense if Kirk didn’t have some 1-on-1 time by this point. Sorry, Frank. You’re sh** out of luck. Maybe next time. Hey, perhaps you and Nicole can invite Ali over some time? I’m sure Ali would be very receptive to that, especially after finding out you boarded a plane to Tahiti after already getting back together with her. Then again, the producers probably forced you to by giving you some B.S. about how it “had to be done”, or “if you don’t do this, then…”. They’re real good at stuff like that. Just ask any other contestant in the history of this show.