Reality Steve

Bachelor Pad

Bachelor Pad Recap – 8/16/10

I gotta say this for the Pie Eating Contest, without it, I would’ve had no idea Krisily didn’t have a gall bladder. By not having a gall bladder, Krisily can’t digest fat. So eating a pie face down might have her insides exploding to the point where an ambulance would come in to play. Outstanding. Thanks for that. Actually, I think Krisily stuffing her face with a pie and subsequently having her intestines blow up might’ve been more fun to watch than Tenley booting all over her pie then continuing to eat it. My favorite part of the contest? All the women for some reason having to take off their t-shirts and eat their pies in bikini tops. Great touch there. Any chance to zoom in more on Jessie’s perfectly shaped melons is fine by me. Gia eating a whole pie was impressive. At least she didn’t whine and cry about it like Tenley. Tenley has a problem with crying. I understand women are emotional and the littlest things can bring them to tears, but geez. None of the other girls were crying because they had to eat a pie. And the whining at the table? It was like a three year old whose mother told him he needed to eat his vegetables.

Very impressed by how all the guys talked a bunch of game about how good they were at eating pie and they all turned out to be giant failures. Except for the little Weatherweenie at the end. Dave and Kovacs couldn’t stop telling us how big and burly they are and how well they can eat pie. “Me Dave. Big strong. Me eat pie like bull.” Then the wuss takes five bites before wussing out. Kovacs didn’t fare much better either. And if you think my next joke about Kovacs eating pie would center around something to do with Elizabeth, well then, you know me pretty well. I’m sure those two had plenty of time for him to make up for his failure eating a real cherry pie once they snuck away to conceive a child.

So because he’s an outsider, and he needed to form an alliance with other outsiders, Weatherpie took Ashley, Peyton, and the 39 year old on his date. It was a strategic maneuver on his part that I didn’t think he even had in him. But enough with Weatherjunk going with the speedo. It’s already getting old. We don’t need to see that anymore. Neither did the girls. Funny how Peyton and Ashley pretended to be interested in him so they could get a rose, yet the 39 year old who wouldn’t give the guy the time of day is the one he thought he had a chance with so he gave it to her. At least the 39 year old wasn’t shy about it. Basically told us there was no chance in hell Weathervagina would ever get anywhere near her, well, vagina. Probably has something to do with the fact she could be his mother, but I’m not sure.

Back at the house, Jesse changes his strategy. Well, sort of. Elizabeth somehow Jedi mind tricked him into playing along with the “we’re a couple” thing. I’m sure there was a threat in there somewhere where she told him if he didn’t have sex with her during her ovulating time, then she’d run to the other girls telling them he had a small penis. Or find some other way to emasculate him in front of everyone again. Whatever she’s doing, it’s working, cuz the dude changed his tune pretty quickly, and before you knew it, these two were in the shower together. And lets just say the only strategy they were talking about in there was how Elizabeth was going to make sure his yogurt cannon went off at precisely the right time.

I’m beginning to doubt Gia’s sanity. I mean, on one hand she tells Craig to his face he’s going to get the rose, which meant the Outsiders would essentially begin to start picking off the Insiders. Then later on in the date, a completely hammered Wes couldn’t even formulate a sentence without slurring all the words, and all the sudden she’s falling head over heels for the guy. Huh? Gia couldn’t have been more scatterbrained on this date if she tried. I couldn’t figure out a single thing she was thinking. She chastises Weatherdork for not believing her, then turns right around and makes the single stupidest move in the game by giving Wes the rose. If this were “Survivor”, it’d be on par with JT writing Russell a third grade letter and giving him an immunity idol even though he was on the other team. Ridiculous. Gia basically sealed her fate with that move. Before this all started I wrote how surprised I was at Gia’s early exit. Uhhhh, not anymore. It’s obvious now why she’s gone next week.

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    September 8, 2010 at 12:13 PM

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