-Hey, whaddya’ know? After the LVMS date it’s a pool party! Weeeeeeeeeeee! Just one time I’d like to see an after party where these people aren’t completely sh**faced and in a bikini. Ok, maybe the bikini part can stay. While Dickinher is lying through his teeth to her face, Alli is back with the other girls looking like the most insensitive bitch this show has ever seen. Brad has asked to pull Emily aside to talk, again, and Alli has just about had it. Tits McGee: “Someone comes in with the worst story and gets the most attention?” Wow. That might’ve been the worst thing said ever. I don’t want to hear her on the “Women Tell All” give the “Oh, I was frustrated, it was a long day, I was drinking” excuse which I’m sure she will. Show a little sensitivity towards the woman. If anything, be pissed at Brad for pulling her aside every fifteen seconds to check on her. Emily didn’t do anything wrong. But Alli somehow doesn’t see that and comes across as one of the worst humans ever. Score!
-This next scene with Emily and Brad talking by themselves couldn’t have been more ironic. I mean, wow. Emily is telling Brad how important Ricky was in her life, and she’ll always love him, etc. Now it’s hitting home to Brad this won’t be easy with her. Brad: “Emily’s ex is in the forefront of her mind. Such a tough void to fill.” Ha ha. The irony there is laughable, really. I couldn’t help but snicker at those lines. Moving on. Hey guess what? Alli is crying. Why? Cuz she doesn’t feel special. Her DD’s aren’t getting nearly enough attention from Brad who’s been focused on Emily’s veneers all day long. It’s tough for Alli because she really brings a lot to the table (boobs) in terms of her personality (her boobs), her charm (her huge boobs), and just her overall positive outlook on life (mainly focused on her boobs). It’s amazing Alli has lasted this long and I don’t think anyone watching this show could tell you a single thing about her. She’s like the Chris Nordhorn of this season. Who? Exactly. The “Phantom” as he was so aptly named during Ali’s season. What is a female phantom called? Phantomess? Although, kinda hard to refer to Alli as a phantom with all the front load she is carrying around all day long. Kinda hard to miss her. Nordhorn? For sure. Dude never said five words all season. Alli? She’s the most ignored biggest chested woman this show has ever seen, and frankly, that’s wrong.
-Next up in the crying line is Chantal. However, she lets a doozy slip in this one. When seeing how much he’s cared for Emily’s feelings all day, she lets this one out:
Chantal: “It makes me love you even more. Not love you. That’s the wrong word. It makes me like you even more because the thing is, it shows that you’re a caring person.”
Brad: “Back to the love comment…”
If this were an episode of “Saved by the Bell”, this is the moment that everyone in the audience would give a collective “Oooooooooohhhhhhhhh”. But it’s not, so, I’ll give my impression of what I would’ve said if I were listening in on that conversation. “Brad and Chantal sittin’ in a tree, F-U-C…” Ok, I’m done. You get the point. Chantal (in her best crying voice): “I care about you. If you don’t feel for me, I want you to send me home.” Brad: “Don’t cry babe.” All right, this is getting ridiculous. Can we please fast forward to Mar. 14th and just end this thing? You see, a lot of people are still skeptical and are holding out hope I was given false info and he really chose Emily (trust me, I see the emails every day). The thing is, you can dissect what he says, how he acts, how he touches their hair, how he looks into their eyes until you’re blue in the face. It doesn’t matter what you’re seeing on TV. This thing stopped filming two months ago. It’s already said and done. What you’re seeing on TV is what they want you to see. He chose Chantal in South Africa back in November and nothing you see, hear, or speculate about is going to change that. Don’t know what else to tell ya’. Will they be a couple forever? Not a chance, but hey, enjoy these next six weeks while you can. And oh yeah, the tabloids too. I’m sure that won’t make things uncomfortable for all parties involved.
-It’s Michelle’s time with Brad to convince him she is the most stable, loyal, monogamous woman he could ever be with. Or something like that. And Michelle does what Michelle does best: gives another classic one-liner. “Brad is a man babysitting a bunch of little girls.” Ahhhh, I totally get it. Because you’re the older mature one in this case, right? You know, the one who chases men with money (hey, coincidence that’s your last name that you decided to keep instead of going back to your maiden name of Cartwright), breaks up their marriage, then moves on to the next one. Hey, it’s like you’re a pro at this or something. Hey, and I’m not saying Michelle is the only one to blame here. Of course Boozer is just as guilty as she is for lying to her, probably promising her the world with no intention of ever leaving his wife, only until it was too late and Michelle allegedly took things into her own hands. Whatever. You can read about it all this week. Anyway, my point being is that how comical Michelle can be with her commentary, even though it reeks of hypocrisy. Did she really not think this would get out? I can’t imagine. Hell, I knew about it on Oct. 27th when I confirmed her as a contestant. Obviously she didn’t care, doesn’t care, and probably never will care. No skin off my back. Be sure to rent “Midway to Heaven” in a few weeks to support Michelle and Brielle.