Reality Steve

The Bachelor 15 - Brad

The Bachelor Recap – 1/31/11

-Because Brad can’t take four steps in any direction without consulting his goofy therapist, he calls him from Vegas for God knows what reason. I sure don’t. I fast forwarded through it. Although, I went back to look at a transcript from the show, and here’s what I found out the doctor said to him:

I don’t need to fall at your feet
Just ’cause you cut me to the bone
And I won’t miss the way that you kiss me
We were never carved in stone
If I don’t listen to the talk of the town
Then maybe I can fool myself.

I’ll get over you, I know I will
I’ll pretend my ship’s not sinking
And I’ll tell myself I’m over you
’cause I’m the king of wishful thinking
I am the king of wishful thinking.

I refuse to give in to my blues
That’s not how it’s going to be
And I deny the tears in my eyes
I don’t want to let you see, no
That you have made a hole in my heart
And now I’ve got to fool myself.

I’ll get over you, I know I will
I’ll pretend my ship’s not sinking
And I’ll tell myself I’m over you
’cause I’m the king of wishful thinking.
I’ll get over you, I know I will
I’ll pretend my ship’s not sinking
And I’ll tell myself I’m over you
’cause I’m the king of wishful thinking.

I will never, never shed a tear for you
I’ll get over you

If I don’t listen to the talk of the town
Then maybe I can fool myself

I’ll get over you, I know I will
I’ll pretend my ship’s not sinking
And I’ll tell myself I’m over you
’cause I’m the king of wishful thinking
I’m the king of wishful thinking
I’ll get over you, I know I will
You made a hole in my heart
But I won’t shed a tear for you
I’ll be the king of wishful thinking
I’ll get over you
I’ll pretend my heart’s still beating
’cause I’ve got no more tears for you
I’m the king of wishful thinking
I’ll get over you, I know I will
You made a hole in my heart
And I’ll tell myself I’m over you
’cause I’m the king of wishful thinking”

Awesome. That’s some good sound advice, I’d say. Wherever did he come up with exactly those words to ease Brad’s mind?

-Can I just say something about Chantal at the cocktail party? What unbelievable cleavage she has going. That seems to be her game. Not the biggest pair in the house, but she certainly knows how to flaunt her sexuality. You go girl. Chan-cleavage is her new moniker. Especially after seeing the clip of her next week in that red bikini lying on her back. Holy smokes! It’s like her breasts are trying to break out of that thing gasping for air. And you can practically see the shape of the silicone in those things. Needless to say, I’m very excited about next week’s episode and what Chan-cleavage’s puppies have in store for us. Well, me. I don’t think you care really.

-Holy sh**! Brad is paying attention to someone other than Emily and Chantal! It’s a miracle! First we see five seconds of him speaking with Britt telling her he really likes her and the stripper heels she decided to wear to the cocktail party. Then he even brings up a bottle and even a little snack to spend time with Alli because “she deserves to feel special”. And the green snack even matched the green dress he claims he remembers her wearing on the first night he saw her. Uh huh. Sure you did. You had 30 women in all different kinds of dresses that first night, you haven’t given Alli the time of day all season, and now I’m supposed to believe you remember the color of her dress on the first night? Nice try Brad. Brownie points for you I guess, but we can see right through that one. It was more like, “Hey Elan, what color was Alli’s dress the first night. Can I go back and look at some footage? Thanks pal. And shave your homeless man’s beard while you’re at it.”

-Marissa gave Brad some notes to open up and read a later time, preferably in about 10 minutes after he sends her ass home. I have no idea what the point of this was, nor did it end up working. It was a good effort though, M. Maybe next time you can try talking to him during the dates and maybe you wouldn’t have to communicate via handwritten notes. I cannot honestly remember the last time I wrote something to anyone other than on a card. I’m a big card giver. I remember all sorts of dates and occasions when I feel it’s necessary. So see? I AM like a giant teddy bear sleeping between two Ashleys.

-Since we’ve seen Michelle in all different characters this season: Funny Michelle, Crazy Michelle, Gang Banger Michelle, Psycho Michelle, Sexy Michelle, and probably ten others I’m forgetting, she decides to show us a side we haven’t seen yet: Dominatrix Michelle. She traps Brad in the room, slams the door behind him, straddles him on his lap, tells him not to talk, then proceeds to kiss him against his will. When she’s done, she utters, “Next time we’re together, you can talk.” Not gonna lie. That was kinda hot. I’m sure most women today are throwing her in the crazy category yet again, but I’m sorry, she’s acting. And that was some good stuff she pulled there. For any guy to say he wouldn’t want his woman to do that to him is lying. Don’t talk, let her have her way with you, then get up and leave? Are you kidding me? Where do I sign up?

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49 Comments

49 Comments

  1. munnygirl

    February 1, 2011 at 1:55 PM

    IMO this was just a bad episode – so scripted and truly fake (except the teddy bear excerpts, maybe). A week in Vegas and they edited out the fun of being there – for the stupid therapy??? Yikers. Good plug for Aria, I guess. If I had been Shawntel, I’d have been truly p.o.d if all I got to do was go on the roof of the hotel I’m staying in for my one-on-one date – I’d have then insisted – take me all over town, dude – I just bought out the mall! RS – right on the nose about the 2-on-1 date with the Ashley’s. I have no doubt Ashley S knew she was leaving beforehand – she did not look at all happy, which kinda makes me believe they did tape her ITM the day before – stupid editing again. Brad looks more and more uncomfortable, too. The only thing worth waiting & watching for is to see what happens when he boots Michelle out.

  2. DallasMs

    February 1, 2011 at 2:15 PM

    Well, you missed a TINY bit on the shopping spree…the handbag ALONE was $5000!!! What a waste of the “Pretty Woman” date on her. ITA on your assessment of her.
    On Ashley’s ITM after leaving…the 1st set of ITM’s she had NO MAKEUP on at all…followed up with the ones with full makeup. I missed the wardrobe difference..but caught the makeup snafu immediately. Definitely fishy in Denmark.
    Michelle’s comment as she corrals him alone and is leaving: “we don’t need to talk”. Uh..that’s because your lacking grey matter that works towards producing intelligent conversation. Yep..she’s the entertainment of the season alright. Unfortunate, because I would otherwise think she was a beautiful woman. She’s like nails on a chalkboard…and the tension between she and Chantal is like a purple elephant in the room!

  3. thewipf

    February 1, 2011 at 2:30 PM

    I hope this isn’t a question you already answered a hundred times, but why does Chris always call this, “the most controversial season”? What’s the controversy, or is it just because marketing did think call it the most boring season ever would work?

  4. boosmom96

    February 1, 2011 at 3:30 PM

    According to NBC News and USA Today Ricky died in a plane crash on the way to the track in Martinville, VA. Emily told Brad on their first 1 on 1 date that Ricky died in a plane crash.

  5. GwenDolly

    February 1, 2011 at 5:40 PM

    Hmmm… does anyone think it’s possible that Emily is a plant? Maybe the producers chose her as the next Bachelorette before the show started in order to introduce her to the audience and tear at everyone’s heart strings. Maybe Emily and Brad both know that she’s just there to be set up for the next season, and they’re pretending to have a budding relationship — and Brad knows he needs to keep her there until the end and then “reject” her. It sure doesn’t seem like there’s much chemistry between them compared to Chantal or Ashley H. or even Britt.

    Or maybe I’m reading too much into this. 🙂

  6. RSFMAN

    February 1, 2011 at 7:13 PM

    I’m sorry, but Brad just creeps me out big-time. The women are entertaining enough, but everytime he opens his mouth waves of revulsion overgulf my fast-forward remote button. Yeah, Emily must be a plant because there seems zero chemistry except she’s hot.

  7. Rita_la

    February 1, 2011 at 7:20 PM

    I’ll never again have to wonder what guys say to each other when they’re alone because Steve writes it every week. Or maybe some guys just think about “fun bags” but don’t say it all the time.

  8. dori

    February 1, 2011 at 7:52 PM

    @Rita_la LOL I was thinking the same thing reading RS’s blog (altho it’s no surprise that most men think constantly – of only one thing)

  9. palm

    February 1, 2011 at 8:10 PM

    Brad looks like every other guy in West Hollywood to me. Overly groomed, waxed and workout addicted. Is this what guys from Texas really look like??

  10. JustJenna

    February 1, 2011 at 9:16 PM

    @Palm No. Guys from Texas look like average guys – most have a paunch and a hat, lol, but that’s about it.

  11. bebe

    February 1, 2011 at 9:55 PM

    So what is the deal with Emily’s teeth?

  12. VibeCat

    February 1, 2011 at 10:34 PM

    RS – I noticed the clothing difference and other differences in Ashley S’s ITMs right away last and was wondering the same things. I hope you get to find the answers!

    Also, @boosmom96 – Ricky Hendricks started out as a NASCAR racer. He had a crash at Las Vegas which required surgery and months of healing and he decided to retire from RACING after that, thus “ending his RACING” career. He then became an owner like his Dad, he owned two teams. Then he died in that plane crash on the way to Martinsville. Thus the confusion in the statements.

  13. Penthe

    February 2, 2011 at 5:00 AM

    RS : I’m a little worried here, Ashley S. looks about… 16? And the whole teddy bear and baby voice doesn’t help. You’re attracted to women who look like this? Really? Kinda creepy.

    Your blogs used to be funny about 2 years ago, but now they’re just revolting, referrals to sex in almost every paragraph.. I know the show sucks big time, but it’s getting a little much, maybe you are trying to spike reader’s interest this way, or appear more mean in order to get more readers for your future “tabloid” blog. I remember when your blogs were actually funny, not repulsive and arrogant. We know you know, don’t need to repeat yourself 1000 times. Yes you have a few readers with short attention spans, but you probably have hundreds of thousands of readers who can actually read and aren’t stupid.

    This season is terrible. Brad’s schnozzle is so distracting, how can Chantal or any of these girls be in any way proud to be with this person is beyond me.

    Everyone wears veneers now, I had an 80s movie night the other day, watched four 80s movies in a row, and I was shocked to see how actors teeth looked like back then. WOW, big difference.

    “I love Cirque du Soleil” is probably the gayest comment ever.

    Again Steve, Ashley looks like a little girl, all your pervert comments, just Ew.

  14. RaRa

    February 2, 2011 at 7:50 AM

    The more I watch, the more I’m convinced that Emily was planted into this season to introduce her to the audience, create audience support, and set her up to be the Bachelorette.

    All you have to do is look back at Jason and Melissa’s season to see that when the audience feels one of the ladies is wronged in some way by the Bachelor (or the producers, in this case), public outrage creates an atmosphere of support for that “character”. I believe the producers have orchestrated all these “coincidental” (small plane, race track) faux pas for Emily, knowing that the audience will rally on her behalf and voila – she will be embraced as next season’s new bachelorette. Fleiss is willing to put up with some fans’ temporary outrage over their “insentitivity” since they will “redeem themselves” with the fans at the end.

    I really don’t see any chemistry between Brad and her, but that isn’t important as long as she gets to the end and then gets dumped.

    That is also why they are playing up the “controversial” aspect of this season. They want people to rally behind Emily due to her “insensitive” treatment by the producers.

  15. jax71868

    February 2, 2011 at 9:24 AM

    Great recap as always. I agree with one of the posts that said why is each season of this show “the most controversial”. What’s so controversial, that Brad came back? Well, we all knew that ahead of time so what’s the big deal? Also, I’m getting sick of Brad calling his therapist (Dr. Kajagoogoo 🙂 ) every episode. We get that Brad was (or is) in therapy and and helped, I guess, but do they need to show this every episode and shove it down our throats?

  16. adria921

    February 2, 2011 at 10:01 AM

    I LIKE that Brad calls his therapist. Maybe it will take some of the stimga out of most people thinking therapists are not helpful or it’s shameful to seek help for emotional problems.

  17. cellardoor1116

    February 2, 2011 at 10:42 AM

    I have no problem with Brad consulting his therapist, I just think they could have done better than Go West’s drummer/reformed “life coach”! I mean, clearly no reputable therapist would agree to go on national tv and “counsel” a patient when that goes directly against the confidentiality implicit in a dr/patient relationship.

    However, I kind of want to makeout with you for transcribing King of Wishful Thinking as his advice. Hilarious.

  18. aebms

    February 2, 2011 at 1:31 PM

    I just have to comment that I think Brad probably DID remember the color of Alli’s dress. If I remember correctly, it was on the FIRST night that she put her butt in his face and said that someone broke up with her because of the size of her butt, right? I mean, who could forget a big, green butt in your face?

    Also, I’m liking this Emily as a plant theory! RS – please dig deep and find this out for us.

  19. Sunnyside422

    February 2, 2011 at 3:00 PM

    Watching Emily…can she really be as vapid as she appears? If I was a guy next season (when she is the Bachelorette), would I want to get involved with someone who seems stuck in a past relationship and the constant reminder is her child? Find it hard to believe that any single man would choose her. Ready made family and all. He’d have to be extra special and we know the men chosen for this show are all interested in their moments of fame!

  20. adria921

    February 2, 2011 at 4:59 PM

    I almost chocked on my vino when Emily said she had “billions ” of guys head for the hills because being involved with her was ‘just too much’. Yes it’s true most single men without kids do not want a ready made family. if i were a man I would not want to deal with her an her snot nosed kid and all her baggage.

  21. HeidiT

    February 2, 2011 at 6:03 PM

    When Brad was hanging from the cables all I could think about was Gerhardt from the movie “28 Days” with Sandra Bullock, when suspended from cables he shouts “Oh My God! Look at my package!”

  22. mommyof2

    February 2, 2011 at 6:37 PM

    adria- you are an insensitive bully for referring to Emily’s daughter as a “snot nosed kid”. She is an innocent little girl who has never known her daddy, and for you to call her that is completely reprehensible. If you are fortunate enough to have children of your own one day, I hope your attitude will change. If you already do have children, God help them having a mom like you calling other kids who you don’t even know “snot nosed” and “baggage”. Disgusting.

  23. jennstinn

    February 2, 2011 at 6:42 PM

    I hate that Brad goes to a therapist. It is so stupid. Does anyone listen to that? I mean, we know that he’s going to say, “I met this girl, how do I let her know I’ve changed?” Please.

    I agree somewhat with the person that said Steve is using some vulgar language lately. It doesn’t bother me, but I mean, remember your audience here–I’m guessing most of us are women. We know you’re a man, you don’t have to prove it by talking about boobs all the time.

    I like Emily, but I am curious to see what “comes out” about her. And I wish RS would at least point us in the direction of what these secrets are…anyone know?

  24. adria921

    February 2, 2011 at 7:20 PM

    hey mommy – you can go straight to hell. if i want to call emily’s kid a snot nose i damn well will do so. and all you single mommies out there just know most single men without kids do not want to be involved with you. kids are a liability.

  25. jaxse

    February 2, 2011 at 10:15 PM

    Wow Adria, you seem like an extremely pleasant person. I bet guys are just lining up at your doorstep.

  26. Taishar

    February 3, 2011 at 12:57 AM

    lol Adria, you won’t be entering any congeniality contests will you? You know to comment about a single parent who is one not of their own accord (i.e. divorce) but because the other person DIED is pretty disturbing. Have you thought about getting yourself checked out to ensure you are human and have a heart? I realize we live in the “me” society and most everyone is entirely too selfish to dare have be with someone who has to divide their time between *gasp* another person such as a child, but being proud of that degree of “medom” is just kind of sad. Your comments remind me of the nurse character in “Shallow Hal” which I believe has an interesting lesson in its story, a concept that most 3rd graders can grasp. Then again, who has time to deal with that sort of “baggage” anyway, it takes away time from my favorite person in the whole wide world, myself!

  27. bachfan101

    February 3, 2011 at 6:07 AM

    I absolutley love Emily and think she is gorgeous and a sincerely genuine person, but I think she lacks the outgoing personality it takes to be the next Bachelorette. I hope she finds love, but I hope they cast a more entertaining girl as the next Bachelorette!

  28. bachfan101

    February 3, 2011 at 6:14 AM

    And I agree with everyone, that the therapist clips are extremely boring. I wish they would fill that time with footage of the girls at the house while Brad is on dates with the other girls. From the sounds of Chris Harrison’s blogs, they are pretty entertaing and we don’t get to see it. I think it would be nice if the Bach was on 2x per week (similar to dancing with the stars or American Idol) so we have more time to see behind the scenes footage of the girls. I think it’s interesting to see the relationships they form with eachother since they are mostly with eachother.

  29. Dianne

    February 3, 2011 at 6:22 AM

    adria, you are a cow, who obviously has major issues regarding children and single mothers. Jealousy perhaps? Are you a certified expert on single guys and single moms? You sure act like you are. Keep your rude, snide, snotty comments to yourself. I agree with mommmy – I hope to gawd you don’t have any kids of your own, because if you do, I feel sorry for them knowing that YOU consider children a liability.

  30. aswo

    February 3, 2011 at 8:21 AM

    Recent movie (with trailer) starring Bachelor contestant Michelle Money….

    http://www.midwaytoheavenmovie.com/

  31. Kerry

    February 3, 2011 at 11:43 AM

    Awww now, poor Adria. She was obviously in her (vino)cups. You can always tell when she is sauced up as her proficiency in spelling, punctuation and capitalization goes way south. She’s just an angry, lonely, unattractive drunk – jealous of those who aren’t.

  32. lck2000

    February 3, 2011 at 12:29 PM

    adria, unless we’re talking about the sleaziest of men, a child is less of a ‘liability’ (because dating is clearly an athletic contest or capitalist venture) than a foul-mouthed bitter woman who thinks of dating as sport fishing and is obsessed with broadcast reality tv. fresh uterus or not.

    (saying the latter fully aware i am on this blog and have read to the bottom of the comments. but i’m already in a relationship so i don’t have to worry about being a ‘liability’, and more important i don’t break myself into facets of will-he-like-this-about-me; i just live, and thus love)

  33. aimgraham

    February 3, 2011 at 1:51 PM

    Maybe someone has mentioned this already, but I found it odd that Chris said that Marisa had been giving notes to Brad for a while, but on the show it seemed like it was the first time at the cocktail party.

    They need to get their stories straight…

  34. juliejulie

    February 3, 2011 at 1:53 PM

    Good job Steve, here is another fun re-cap!!!!!!!!

    http://thetakehomemessage.blogspot.com/

  35. AJ13

    February 3, 2011 at 2:21 PM

    I’m a guy, and I see nothing wrong with Steve’s “vulgar” comments. Is he objectifying women to a certain degree in column after column? Yes. But for you women out there, don’t act like you are shocked and awed that guys act/think like this. The reason a lot of people come and read Steve’s column is because it’s entertaining and COMPLETELY DEVOID of any political correctness, if that’s even a term. It’s called the 1st amendment; as the old adage goes, if you don’t like it, DON’T READ IT! You’re welcome.

    P.S. Still nursing my Ashley S. hangover. Was really hoping your source was misinformed about her going home so early. Sigh, wishful thinking.

  36. Southern8493

    February 3, 2011 at 5:48 PM

    Penthe…..Jealous much? Too bad that we cannot all have your sultry, sexy voice. Here in the south, we tend to talk sweetly….that’s just how we are. And how nice of you to give Ashley S such a compliment! If she looks 16 now, at 40 she will look 30….no botox needed for that southern belle!

    If you truely don’t think that RS’s blog is informative or funny, don’t read it! There’s a lot of us that do enjoy his humor.

  37. julieann123

    February 3, 2011 at 8:22 PM

    The season is about ONE thing – making Emily the next Bachelorette.

  38. monisia13

    February 3, 2011 at 8:56 PM

    Hey Steve, how do you come up with these funky nicknames for Brad?

  39. Dianne

    February 4, 2011 at 5:47 AM

    @Kerry..ohhhh..so that’s what adria’s problem is..her drinking. Now it all makes perfect sense, thanks so much for letting us all know. Now I can just ignore her because I know the reason why she’s being the way she is. Or, is she always this way?? mmm..

  40. knan74

    February 4, 2011 at 6:28 AM

    @monisia…..a lot of of the names are perverted “play on words” somewhat rooted from the last name that Brad had for a little while when he was younger. Steve touches on this a few weeks ago, check the archives.

    Steve, we havent talked in awhile….i wont say my name on here but im one of your close facebook buddies :)…I know im always ending up with crazy bachelor/ette ties (hint hint i live in the same town as ella and went to college with peyton), but turns out that my sister is a bridesmaid in a wedding next year that emily is in as well. My sister’s childhood best friend’s family are best friends with the Maynards…go figure. Ill send ya a msg sometime this weekend…hope youre doin well!

  41. scavanau

    February 4, 2011 at 9:02 AM

    I can’t believe anyone would complain about Steve’s vulgarity. His vulgar irreverence is what defines his columns! It’s why I read them. And they are EXACTLY the same as when I first started reading them 7 years ago. Haters get off this website.

  42. CJH

    February 4, 2011 at 10:09 AM

    FinkleEinhorn!!!!! Awesome!!! LOL
    On another note, would ABC PLEASE give those girls some kleenex??? So tired of watching their noses run! What’s up with that?

  43. hordac

    February 4, 2011 at 11:26 AM

    Hey Steve, you missed another botched editing job at the rose ceremony. Britt was called up to get her rose and then they flashed on one of the chicks looking all concerned (God, I don’t even remember her name, was it Lisa? She had curly long brown hair and she got practically no screen time, yeah, big surprise she was sent home!), and you could still see Britt’s red dress behind her! Britt should not have been there if it was done in real time, as she was with Brad at the time, accepting the rose.

    Other random thoughts on the episode:

    Chantal wears WAY TOO MUCH BLUSH!!! She looks likes she’s windburned her cheeks every week! And she’s overdone that “dewy” look. Bad makeup on her IMHO.

    Emily is sweet but boring – she is far too quiet to be the next Bachelorette. I just can’t imagine her making out with all of the guys. And agree, I see no chemistry between her and Brad. I don’t know whether she’s being forced to talk about Ricky all the time but it sure seems like she is still in mourning.

    Britt is very pretty but she is dangerously skinny.

    Brad looked scared when Michelle pounced on him and did her best sexy act. Was I the only one who thought he looked shocked and terrified??? I know what “turned on” looks like, and was not the way he looked.

  44. knan74

    February 4, 2011 at 1:43 PM

    I agree…Emily does not seem to have a “bachelorette” personality…I can’t quite put my finger on it…but everything seems so forced with her and its not just her relationship with Brad.

  45. cyndilou

    February 5, 2011 at 1:31 AM

    on page 2: “Ricky Hendrick of the Hendricks Motor Sports team was her husband”

    I thought Emily was not married to Ricky – am I right or wrong on this – anyone know?

  46. jennstinn

    February 5, 2011 at 9:44 AM

    I caught that, too–no, they weren’t married, but I believe they were engaged.

  47. Cyndra

    February 6, 2011 at 10:09 AM

    So as far as Michelle is concerned. My take on her is she’s an actress planted into the show to stir up controversy and to make the season more “colorful”. If you all don’t beleive me take a look at this trailer for a movie she stars in that hmmmmmmm was filmed long before this season of the bachelor was even filmed!

    Hairdresser my arse!!!

    http://www.midwaytoheavenmovie.com/

  48. FanofSteve

    February 6, 2011 at 11:50 PM

    I thought Michelle’s “kidnapping” of Brad was hilarious. To me, he didn’t look so much afraid as he did hypnotized. Michelle would say a sentence, looking deep into his eyes, then she’d kiss him; then she’d say another sentence, looking deep into his eyes, then she’d kiss him; etc.

    And by the way, one of the reasons I love reading Reality Steve is that his writing is NOT constipated by political correctness! If you find it too rude, crude or lewd … you don’t have to read it.

  49. gtogblog

    February 8, 2011 at 11:15 AM

    Always a great recap. Here is another one you’ll enjoy from Episode 6: http://gettoourgame.blogspot.com/2011/02/bachelor-recap-what-is-island.html

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